Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Weapons Check.

By : dilemmalicious

From ANON - just_me on August 09, 2005
Whahahaha!!! Oh, I definatly want to be in Sasuke's place when Naruto has that finger up his ass. For some non-perverted reason I found it so funny. XD
And you are one evil author for quiting the second chapter there... I read 'Please' and blinked when I found no more and I would have to wait for the next chapter...TT__TT (Some authors ussualy get stricken by a writers block)...
But heck, I want more!!! I want super-seme Naruto!!! X3
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From ANON - WolfPilot06 on August 09, 2005
I'll reply here, as opposed to through e-mail, simply because I have this penchant for typing in 8pt. Verdana font. XD

Anyways, I really liked this edited version better than the original - for some reason, I felt as if the first version of the second chapter lacked something (an ending, I suppose), and it left me with this unsatisfying taste in my mouth. Not that what was already there wasn't good - it's just better in this version. I really like this, though I think I still love the first chapter the most, and I'm anxiously looking forward the third chapter.

Huh, I didn't realize ff.net was making people wait after registering their account to post stories. I signed up for it before they enacted this new change, I suppose, so I didn't think that would happen. Though, I do understand the need to separate your "real life" LJ from your fic one - it should be easy enough to do now that they've gotten rid of invite codes, right? Anyways, I'm very glad to see this new chapter so soon!

**Wolf**
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From ANON - Heather on August 09, 2005
Wow...

I'm trying reeeally hard to think of something else to describe this, but I think "wow" pretty much sums up my thoughts. Oh, yeah, throw in an "OMG" or two. The very last weapon check had me just staring at the computer screen dumbly. I was thinking there was no way Naruto would put something up there, but then again, he is the number one ninja at surprising people. Ha! I was most definitely surprised. And Sasuke asking if that was why he was always jumping around...oh, my sides still hurt from laughing at that.

And should I even mention the kissing? It was hot. The descriptions were awesome; everything played out in my mind as if I had been watching a movie. The colors of the chakra, the buzz of power surging through the air and flowing between Naruto and Sasuke...

...it was just great. I can't say much more about this except that it is extremely well-written, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. But it is still relatively early here, so my brain is not quite awake yet. I'll quit before I continue rambling on and on.

I can't wait until you post another chapter. I'll definitely be looking forward to it!
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From ANON - blisblop on August 09, 2005
W o o w.I think this is probably one of the best written hottest think I have read.The comment about his love of power,the custom chest piece,hooping the lock set,the power of kyubi,the chakra in the air,Sasuke's responce.I'll say it againWow.Gawd.More please.The dialogue is great,hot and snappy.Wish i could express this better but...I read.
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From ANON - Kirei Kitsue on August 09, 2005
That was absolutely wonderful. I laughed at the end but my favorite line of the whole story is still "The famed speed of the Konoha ninjas, honed by perverts." Just that whole paragraph topped neatly with THAT line...from Sasuke. It was just too great! Alright, so at the beginning it kinda seemed like you switched tense back and forth a little, but that just might have been me. Lord knows Cecilia catches me at it sometimes too so...yeah, might have been just me. Anyway, THERE SHOULD BE A LEMON! Please?
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From ANON - lstdpnthght on August 09, 2005
Nice fic.. please write more soon!
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From ANON - Kai on August 09, 2005
That....was.....soooo....funny!!!
Please write another chapter! I just kept laughing harder and harder as they pulled out more and more weapons
And just for curiosity's sake, what was the final count?
LOVE YA!!!!!
Kai
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From ANON - eyes0nme19 on August 09, 2005
Funny...looking forward to the next chapter!!
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From ANON - ghostninja85 on August 09, 2005
Ah, the rantings of an author with grammar. Remember that mistakes can happen, but I do agree with you. We do have to remember that English is also a second language for many writers.

As for a sequel, I would love to see one. There can never be too many NaruSasu fics out there, and you write very well.

I'm looking forward to your next work.
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From ANON - tsukineko9 on August 09, 2005
*bows down to the author* A job well done! Congratulations! You had me in stitches the whole time, especially at the end when Naruto pulled the weapons case out of his rear. If I were Sasuke, I would howl with laughter too. Naruto's right, though - no one ever would look up his ass for weapons. And the line, "The famed speed of the Konoha ninjas, honed by perverts." Genius, and so true at the same time, especially from Sasuke's POV.

I wish I could be of some help and provide you with some suggestions to improve your writing, but I didn't notice anything that needed improving. If I spot anything next time I read it, I'll let you know. And I completely agree with you about the whole "it's vs its" and "they're vs their" rant. It definitely isn't too much to ask authors to look over their work before posting it. I'm an author myself and know that sometimes mistakes can be overlooked, but that's what double-checking and betas are for. *hugs her wonderful beta who has been a big help in improving her grammar*

I look forward to the next installment and am confident it will be as entertaining as the first chapter. I'll be watching for it. ^__^
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From ANON - BloodAndChocolate on August 09, 2005
OMFG! LMFAO! that is so funny! *cracking up on the floor* you've GOT to continue
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From Kusachu on August 08, 2005
Bravo! I enjoyed this! Also enjoyed your ranting! (I just love a good rant.) Here's to amusement! *Clapping* You are a linguist? GAH! I had an English professor that was a linguist...damn was that guy anal!!! He always bitched at me about commas...So now I'm traumatized by commas...I like dots better anyways...Damn bastard...he never did bitch about my lack of spelling ability, but he always pointed out the "Incorrect" commas. Which do you think is more useful: the ability to spell, or the ability to use commas properly? I'm only asking because you seem to know what you are talking about, as is evident in this superior piece of writing. The Naruto on top thing...yay! I just love a dominant Naruto. Dobe...ah...well, i have nothing against dobe...it's cute...really. I, however, prefer Dead Last. LOL! To each his/her own then! XD Japanese words...hmm...I myself am torn with that delemma. You are correct in in stating that some things do not transfer properly, some things just sound better when spoken in Japanese...a troublesome annoyance. What i dislike is seeing full lines of Japanese dailogue for no reason, and then it switches back to Engilsh... Also a number of other things, but then, who am i to bitch? LOL! Another chapter? Oh yes! I think i would enjoy that very much! Well, I hope I have ammused you with my review, it was a good couple minutes spent typing. Perhaps we shall meet again next chapter! Bye then! ~Dead
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From ANON - MeLaiya on August 08, 2005
man i love this. please you have got to update and i love a top naruto, *rowr* baby. Please update soon
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From ANON - MultifacetedTune on August 08, 2005
Ah, finally! Someone after my own heart! I have been ranting about the "it's" and "you're" promblem for AGES, and NO-ONE LISTENS!!! Honestly, I wouldn't mind being called the "grammar police" by my family and friends if they would actually TAKE MY ADVICE FOR ONCE!!! ...Okay, as you said, rant over. ^^ I really enjoyed your fic -- very interesting idea, and very well done. I especially liked your characterizations and descriptions. Oh, and the fact that it was humorous and had an excellent ending didn't hurt...... ^___~ I also appreciated your comments at the end; aside from the obvious *points up* I am also a language person who happens to adore both Japanese and Latin (wonderful language!) and who aspires to learn them both...eventually........ ^^ But as I was saying, I'm glad that you chose not to incorporate too much Japanese in your fic, for two reasons: 1) I don't know that much of the language yet, and it can be disruptive when I'm reading a fic and have to go look up what a word means or scroll down to the bottom of the page to read a definition, and 2) People often use Japanese words when they don't know what they mean or how to spell/use them properly, and as a result I've grown sick and tired of it. (Forgive the sentence ending with a prepositions there; it's late. ^^ ) Oh, and by the way..... that "-ne" comment was very, very interesting -- I never noticed that before, so I had one of those "......no WAY! That's sooooooo COOL!!!" moments, if you know what I mean. ^___~ Anyway~ I truely enjoyed this, and I look forward to seeing where you take the story line from here, as well how you develop Sasuke's and Naruto's relationship. Keep up the good work and update ASAP, k? (And just because I can't help myself...) Ja ne!!! ^^
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From ANON - Typhoon Jax on August 08, 2005
Quality writing, quality ideas, quality over quantity.
I shall build a shrine to you.
...Out of the drool I have secreted during the reading of your story, lol!
I can not describe how much more a good almost-but-not-quite-ravishing-each-other romance for NaruSasu hits me than a well-this-sucks-but-they're-in-bed PWP-ish one. (PWPs are fine I think, but... not without... you know, I read your writing, so I know you know.)
I don't like how so many authors substitute quantity for quality, and this consoles me when I feel what I'm writing isn't long enough though I'd spent three hours on a single page, lol... it's amazing that I got to read you just now, to help seal my conviction that something a third as long as some stories can impact a person and say so much more than something that just rambles. It's really important for me to remember, as a brand new writer, and your fic here is a great example of it. Jam-packed with images and good words and EMOTION. You. Captured. That moment. ::loves you::
And Yes, I said "NaruSasu", not the other way around.
I COULD NOT AGREE MORE. Naruto-sama all the way, Sasuke-chan too.
(Though there's no reason they can't switch if they really really
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