Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for For a Favor

By : Tatemshope

From ANON - Anon on July 16, 2008
Chapter 19: Ooh, I like the chapter title! =D

I like her thoughts on all the guys. And how she’s curious about Gaara. I wonder what it is he’s feeling if not aversion. . . . I like his harsh all-guards-up attitude when he said, “The best way to take away someone’s power is to give them no chance to use it,” with some suspicion and possibly disapproval of her not reading his thoughts. I get the feeling that if she did read his thoughts he’d get pissed, and if she didn’t he’d scoff. . . . Heh. I like his distinction. “I love only myself, but I desire to have Naruto and to have him love me.” Love and desire. ^_^ . . . . Boy, Gaara’s already pulling an ultimatum on her. What the heck is he thinking? . . . . Lemme get this straight: While Mina’s attacking Itachi, Gaara might take advantage and do something to Sasuke. Not kill him, but maybe hurt him. (*sigh*) He doesn’t make much sense to me in this fic, but I like it. . . . “Is he safe from you?” What’s Gaara catching that I’m missing? õ.õ;
I liked that whole progression of Naruto’s train of thought, and where it nearly landed on.
Okay, Mina’s sudden change of attitude has me worried. The other three guys should go with them. . . . That last line is really ominous.
Ah, the letter! =D . . . . I really liked that letter. It was cool.
Ah, his elusive heart’s desire. That was interesting, though, about the Red Valley. I wonder what Itachi’s captors are like and why they wanted him.
I like Naruto’s feelings on this. It does put Mina into a new light. And I feel bad for Naruto. . . . “When this is over, you’ll still have him. I promise. I give you my word; I won’t try to take him from you.” In other words, “I’m going to borrow him for a time where you cannot follow, but he will definitely come back to you afterwards.” Am I right?
So Mina showed Sasuke her memories. (*uneasy*) Everyone has different intents and they’re all keeping secrets from each other and yet sharing with one another. . . . Hmm, Gaara’s got a point. But . . . what’s he playing at? I get the feeling like there’s something going on underneath all this confrontation. . . . Whoa. So if Sasuke were to break the binding, it would involve sex with Mina? Wow. That would make things a little more complicated.

Okay, I’m caught up now, but I’m rather frustrated. I hope you haven’t disappeared or given up on this fic, because the last update was September 9, 2005 . . . and it’s July of 2008 now. I do hope you will continue this story. I’m enjoying it a great deal. ♥
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From ANON - Anon on July 16, 2008
Chapter 17: It’s an A/N, so no comment.

Chapter 18: I thought you said in your A/N that you would remove the A/N once you got some beta help. Well, it’s still there. Wasn’t sure if you knew that or not.

Huh. So Naruto can communicate telepathically as well. Interesting. . . . Yeesh, whoopsie. . . . (*snicker*) Dominos. ^^ . . . . Heh. And they meet. That was fast. Startling. I liked it. ^^
Interesting. Sasuke probably feels safer now that he’s away from Itachi . . . and he didn’t even realize it until now. Because he doesn’t like the thought of going back to Itachi. He was probably in survival-mode when Itachi had him, so now that he’s away he relaxed. . . . Got that right about Sasuke being the more fragile. . . . Aww, there’s that line again. :heart: (Hearts aren’t working real well.)
“It is his mercy that has saved you all. Remember that.” Well. That could certainly turn tables around in the village. . . . “It was the goodness of your wife that changed his mind. Please tell her that.” That could also seriously change things. Hopefully the changes will be for the better.
(??) Is Neji hitting on him? (*hopeful*) Probably not, but I always hope so. . . . That little conversation was intriguing. I’d like to see it continue. =D
That’s hard, to deliberately talk about something out loud while deliberately communicate something totally different with your mind. And not just the simple “Yes”/(No) version. . . . Hmm, that was entertaining. Naruto, while I don’t like the idea of making Sasuke talk, Mina’s got a point. He may not want to do it, but he needs to get it out. . . . Heh. Sasuke figured it out anyway.
Wow. I like his confession. . . . Aww, that’s sweet how Naruto’s trying to comfort him. . . . Oh goody, smexy time! =D . . . . Sweeeeet. . . . Hmm, I like Neji’s concerns. Did he and Gaara continue talking, or no? . . . . Hmm. “And once we save him, she’s going to help him escape.” That hadn’t occurred to me. It’s possible. Hell, maybe she doesn’t know it yet either. . . . Okay, maybe not. I like that Neji’s suspicious, though. Gives more dimension to their thoughts and plans. . . . Nice touch about Sasuke’s expression when he’s planning something.
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From ANON - Anon on July 16, 2008
Chapter 16: So he is gay. . . . I wonder what he really wants, too. . . . So he’s got kind of a spider sense when there’s danger?
(*snort*) Nice touch about Sasuke throwing a punch before he woke up. Reminds me a bit of something that happened to a friend of mine on World of Warcraft. XD . . . . Sasuke and Naruto are acting pretty calm, considering that they’ve been worried sick for each other. . . . Heh. I wonder what Sasuke will think when he sees the girl who looks so much like him. . . . That last sentence makes me worried. Does Sasuke still feel that way towards Naruto? I hope so.
Interesting. Neji’s not jealous because he likes one of the boys, but because he wants a relationship like theirs. . . . (*groan*) Not with Shikamaru, darn it.
Heh. Mina can handle herself. ^_^ . . . . Heh. “I don’t need to be coddled.” (*cups ear*) Do I hear an echo? . . . . Wait—Kankurou’s sending the ninjas after Gaara?? Why?? õ.õ . . . . I like Gaara’s animosity towards her. . . . Love the animosity between both of them. =D . . . . Hah. That was a good bluff. That could’ve sounded corny, but it sounded good when she said it. =D . . . . I wonder how “they’d” react if they found out Gaara’s gay. . . . This next chapter should be gooood.

The language was Welsh?
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From ANON - Anon on July 15, 2008
Chapter 15: Wow, that was unexpected. She speaks and wakes up and announces. ô_ô . . . . “He couldn’t picture the proud Uchiha ice prince crying in bed.” (*dryly*) Wouldn’t he just love to know. . . . I’ve never seen Gaara with so much personality. His indignity is entertaining. . . . He seems somewhat OOC, but oh well. (*shrugs*) . . . . Man, this must be frustrating, being ignored so much. (I’m at the part where he just heard about the witch inside Mina.) . . . . ((Her precaution about tying her to a chair reminds me of part of the movie Sleepy Hollow.)) . . . . Interesting how Gaara is still soliloquizing about the concept of love.
So is Sasuke going to turn back?
That was cool, hearing the witch speak. . . . I don’t know what Neji’s talking about either, but I think it sounds darn cool. =D . . . . (*snort*) Love that last warning from Naruto. X3
This self-loathing and disappointment is kind of intriguing. Especially because the sections are so short. It gives a lot of suspense to what might happen next. About whether he’s approaching a decision to do something or not.
Oh, that’s a nice touch! Gaara’s nervous about being alone with a girl! And he’d never been alone with a girl before! I never thought about that (cuz I don’t study Gaara that much). Cool! =DD . . . . “Don’t flatter yourself, I’m not into girls.” Heh! This conversation is great! =D This has got to be one of my favorite scenes. ^_^ (I wonder if that meant he was gay or if he just didn’t know how to feel about them.) . . . . LOL! She inadvertently invaded his privacy! XDD
Holy shit, what is his dad’s problem? And I’m surprised that Sasuke wasn’t first in class (I always thought he was). He was seriously abused, wasn’t he. Maybe this was the reason why Itachi went berserk and killed everyone. . . . Jeezus, that’s horrible. Talk about overreaction. And it’s more embarrassing for the clan if it looks like they had to have a student withdrawn from the Academy. . . . I wonder if Itachi has ever spoken to their father about the abuse. . . . Heh. Itachi had had a loud argument with his mother about sneaking off to see some girl in the woods. That sounds a lot more “oooh, heheh, lucky guy (*elbows ribs playfully*)” than it really is, y’know? ^_^ . . . . So he had spoken to dad about it. And got punched for it as well, apparently. . . . “I took care of it Sasuke. He won’t hurt you again.” That sounds ominous. Did he kill him, or what?
Love that short scene after the flashback.
(*gasp*) Did they find him?? o.o
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From ANON - Anon on July 15, 2008
Chapter 14: It’s interesting hearing Sasuke call Itachi by his name. He used to not do that a lot. . . . (*shiver*) Itachi’s scaring me. Is he under hypnosis or something? . . . . I’m a little disappointed that Sasuke doesn’t want to kill Itachi when he’s down. It’s almost like he’s not serious about it. Well, maybe he’s not anymore. But the way it’s phrased makes it sound more like he wanted to kill Itachi for show rather than for avenging his clan. . . . Man, I can’t make sense out of that mumble. . . . Heh. I love it when someone mutters “Make her stop” in a story when you can’t see what’s affecting them. It’s creepy as hell. =D . . . . I do like how unnerved Sasuke is by the weird behavior. And I wonder why Itachi’s being affected so strongly. . . . Heh. The shoe’s on the other foot now, Itachi. Or actually, the cuffs on the other wrists. ^_^ . . . . Love the raging questions Sasuke’s lashing out at Itachi. . . . Now he’s trying. . . . And he just can’t. Love won out. . . . Ironic how Itachi’s reason turned out to be true in the real manga a couple years after this fic was published, wouldn’t you say? ^_^
So where’s Gaara’s sand? I thought that it did practically everything for him, before he even got to the target personally. . . . “Jutsu’d out?” (*amused*) He must be upset. (I’m quoting something there, by the way. Guess what.) . . . . Gaara hates both Sasuke and Neji. And he’s probably jealous of Sasuke as well. . . . What the—?! She just fainted! And, er, little bit of crit here: “cracking the back of her head open on a step.” I think the “open” wasn’t necessary; that makes it sound like she died rather than she just smacked her head hard against the ground. . . . (*snicker*) “I didn’t do it.” Cute. ^^ . . . . Well, at least he’s making up for his initial rudeness. . . . Eww, she really did crack her head. >.< . . . (*nauseous*)
Hmm, I wonder what’s going on. They both seem clueless. . . . Huh. He can’t hurt her in the dreamscape, but she can affect him. . . . Huh? Wait. She just said “Because I loved you.” Does that mean that when Itachi said that to Sasuke, he was echoing her, like he was sleep-talking, and really wasn’t aware of Sasuke’s questions to him?
I wonder who was approaching. And why that mental connection. . . . And he just gave up his secret. Who the hell is coming for him? (You can tell I’m getting into this.) . . . . I like the last phrase. Timeless. ^_^ I wonder if Itachi’s going to live. There’s a whole mystery going on here. =)
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From ANON - Anon on July 15, 2008
Chapter 13: (*giggle*) I like the chapter title. I wonder if it’ll refer to someone’s mood. X3
(I’m sorry about your grandmother dying.)

(*snort*) That’s a great beginning. X3 . . . . Hah, and Neji’s not helping Mina. ^^ This is cute. A little lightheartedness is in order. ♥ . . . . Ah! So there WAS no such thing after all! . . . . I thought Neji wasn’t watching the door. Maybe he figured it out on his own. Either way, I liked his shivery reaction to it. It makes sense. ((And this leads me to wonder if he’s actually experienced firsthand the curse seal being used on him ever.)) . . . . “He could just picture in his mind how, rather than apologizing, Sasuke would argue for hours over why he had done what he had done, and why it had been the best decision [. . .]” (*loves all over Sasuke*) ♥ ♥ ♥ . . . . I like the sentence about Naruto being fascinated by other cultures. He should take Cultural Anthropology classes in this world. ^^ . . . . “The next bag contained black eyeliner and dark lipstick.” Heh. I wonder how thrilled Naruto will be about wearing that. ^^
“Girly, intense emotions.” For some reason, that makes him sound even more macho. I wonder why he’s having the moodswings now when he hasn’t before (has he?). (((And now I might know what the title was referring to; if so, then I was right again. (*proud*) ^_^))) . . . . Wow, I love the stages of moods and how they’re making him exhausted. I guess that would be exhausting if you were such a cold fish normally; PLUS they’re emotions of a different gender, which is a pretty big difference. . . . (?!) Hang on a sec. (*checks back over earlier chapters*) Itachi just said to Sasuke, “Your sister is a fucking roller coaster.” HE NEVER MENTIONED A SISTER TO SASUKE BEFORE!! How’s Sasuke gonna take this bit of news?! =DD
(*sigh*) I don’t blame Naruto for being frustrated with the eyeliner. I hate it, too. u_u . . . . Heh. Neji’s having naughty thoughts. ^__^ . . . . Huh, so Naruto and Neji are okay with wearing makeup. I would’ve expected them to put up a bit more of a fuss (or at least grumble about it a little). . . . Heh. I love how Mina’s worried about how the plan might go awry. ^^ . . . . Love Neji’s indignity about not catching Mina’s attention right away. . . . (*amused*) All of a sudden Mina’s got four brothers—2 biologically and 2 figuratively.
Isn’t Sasuke wondering about the sudden mention of a sister? õ.ô
I like the way Sasuke imagined the epic battle between him and his brother. That’s kind of how I imagined it as well (though I added that most of those dramatic effects would remain as genjutsu and hypnosis and mind tricks ^^).
Lol, Ino. ^^ . . . . Aww, Naruto’s crying. ;__; . . . . What did Sakura say? . . . . I wonder why Naruto’s so upset. . . . Ooh, I like this observation! “When he felt bad, human contact of any kind usually made him feel better.” Wow, you’re right! I never noticed that before! He normally seems to avoid human contact, but occasionally he’ll let it happen! (Well, okay, I kinda noticed it without realizing it, but I hadn’t put it in words like you just did. Good job.) =DD . . . . Naruto must be feeling really blue if he’s blaming himself. Wow. We’ve seen both their extremes: one relenting to human contact, and the other blaming himself. . . . So Sasuke had been attracted to Naruto for a while. How long has Naruto felt that way about Sasuke? . . . . Well. There’s my question answered about how they all reacted. I’m a little surprised at how Neji was already smirking (and why he didn’t just check with the Byakugan; wouldn’t it have been easier?). . . . Awww MAAAANNN!! I wanted to see the rest of it! (*whines*)
Hmm, let me guess: is it (*drumrolllllllllll—STOP*) Gaara? . . . . Ahahah, he’s looking at Mina and he thinks it’s Sasuke! And she does resemble him quite a bit as you’ve mentioned earlier. XD
It’s gotta be Gaara. . . . HELL YEAH! (*smug*) ^_^ And I’ll bet his incredulous reaction at seeing Naruto is due to what the hell is he WEARING?! XD
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From ANON - Anon on July 15, 2008
Chapter 12: Witch Village, eh? I like the idea (though I think it could’ve been named better, sorry for the blunt criticism). . . . I like Mina’s analogy about how Naruto & Neji see Witch Village is akin to how she sees Konoha. . . . “Even bad witches don’t believe in harming children.” Wow. I wonder what qualifies as a “bad witch,” then. Surely there must be some witches there who wouldn’t mind it. ô_ô . . . . Heh. I like how Naruto privately thinks that it’s Itachi who’s more likely to be the evil twin. . . . Neji laughing. When I’ve seen that in the ninja-verse, that’s another step towards seeing everything. ^^; . . . . Heheh. Love how you brought in that Leprechauns really do exist. ^_^ . . . . Or not. For all I know, she could just be making them up completely to mess with Naruto’s head. (You don’t need telepathic powers to do that, either. ^_^) . . . . Come on, you guys, answer his question.
Uh-oh. Mina’s probably stopped questioning where Itachi’s headed, so she’s not going to know where he’ll really end up. . . . (*facepalm*) Doh. Or not. @_@ . . . . Sasuke must be feeling REALLY wary right now. Totally confused at Itachi’s bizarre behavior. I like the specification of Itachi’s blank expression. . . . Ooh, good line to end off with. Since Itachi’s acting so abnormal, it’s questionable about whether he will or won’t take the chains off Sasuke.
Neji seems a bit more reactive to things than usual in this fanfic. . . . Man, even the locals of Witch Village are wary of Mina. She must be pretty damn formidable. Either that, or they fear who she’s connected with. Or both. . . . Cool, another language? We don’t hear that very often in this world. =) . . . . “Shwd i chi?” I wonder how you pronounce that. I like the look of the language, too. . . . So she did sense the “change of plans” after all. (!) Maybe Itachi said they’re headed to Sand simply to confuse the message of what he’s really thinking! Õ.Õ . . . . “I admit though that his gaze is intense.” Is he admitting that he’s unnerved by it as well? Cuz that’s pretty darn intense, considering that Neji’s got some pretty creepy eyes as well. . . . “There was something oddly refreshing about a person who said out loud every thought that passed through his head.” I’m not sure that is it exactly; cuz that can be rather annoying and exhausting at times. Maybe it’s a slighter lack of restraint. I dunno. . . . I wonder how each of them reacted when Neji spotted them in a closet. (Of course, when we’re talking about Neji spotting someone doing something, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he walked in on them. He could’ve just heard noise and activated his Byakugan to look through the door, and they wouldn’t have known it unless they saw him or he told them later. ^^)
(*shiver*) That’s creepy, seeing Itachi like that. . . . Interesting how Sasuke’s considering protection from Itachi right now. He’s weighing the options. . . . (*sigh*) And he hasn’t questioned the truth of Itachi’s story yet. -_- . . . . (*snort*) I like that. Sasuke lecturing his brother about being careless. >D . . . . So he’s back to himself. I wonder what that trance was about. . . . I like how Sasuke’s trying to work out what Itachi’s intentions were and are.
(*snort*) “Curse Club.” I like it. >D . . . . I like the way that her uncle puts it: “It’s a slave’s seal.” I’ve known he was seen as the lesser in the family, and forced into certain situations, but I never thought of him as a “slave.” But this sounds strangely accurate. Well, maybe not accurate, but strong. And it’s probably how Neji feels. That one sentence that Mina’s uncle said puts that seal into a whole new perspective for me. =D . . . . I like this discussion of Mina’s powers. I wonder if she will remove Neji’s seal. . . . Hah, so I was mostly right about the reason for the connection! ^_^ (*proud*) . . . . “If all of this worked, she might be rid of her older brother and hugging her younger brother within the next 24 hours.” It would be awkward if Sasuke suddenly had a change of heart about their older brother, wouldn’t it. (He doesn’t have reason to, yet, but hearing that sentence made it occur to me.)
Ah, so that’s what he’s up to. I wonder how well that’ll work out. Hell, it might be him that falters in conviction since he’s been having some more sympathetic thoughts lately. ^_^
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From ANON - Anon on July 15, 2008
Chapter 11: (*giggles at chapter title*)

Boy, they’re snipey. . . . I like Sasuke’s quiet musings. . . . Oh yeah, I forgot they were chasing someone. (Well, supposedly.) That was an interesting line that said how it felt like they were fleeing rather than pursuing. . . . I like his questions to himself, too.
(*snort*) Love the irony of this line: “As if reading his mind, the dark-haired girl shook her head slightly.” Either she’s perceptive, and/or she really did read his mind. ^^ . . . . I like that short conversation between Neji and Mina before Naruto came in; it was interesting. =) . . . . I also like how Neji wants to test his limits and Naruto stays as backup. That was neat. . . . Heh. I wonder how Neji’s feeling, getting the same response as before. Must be a little maddening.
Eesh, he mobilized Sasuke during a break? I echo Sasuke here – “What the fuck?” I mean, that’s so not fair. . . . Whoa. (*jumps back, alarmed*) . . . . That’s . . . unnerving. Õ.Ô;; And Sasuke’s completely helpless. I wonder who Itachi’s shouting at. (*now, looking from Itachi’s POV*) While I don’t approve of him immobilizing Sasuke, I can understand why he did it. He’s obviously doesn’t feel secure right now, and the less trouble he has to deal with, so much the better. Sasuke might just take advantage of Itachi’s momentary lapse, and it’s prudent to cover all bases. (Like I said, I don’t approve, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.)
(*sniff*) I love Naruto’s dream about him, Mina and Sasuke living together as a family. ó_ò, . . . . Heh. I kinda figured that Mina could probably hear him. . . . Hang on: “She looked at Neji. ‘Does he know?’ ‘He was the first one to catch us.’” Who was Mina referring to? Does who know what? And who answered her, and what was he talking about? I’m very confused. -_-; . . . . It’s funny: I can imagine thinking thoughts loudly, but how do you think thoughts quietly? It’s harder to imagine. . . . ~~(((Hmm. Is Neji going to tell Naruto about Itachi raping Sasuke, or about Sasuke hitting on him in desperation, or both?)))~~ . . . . So why is Neji telling him about Sasuke coming onto them like that? Or how far they’d gotten (even if it wasn’t far at all)? Probably to get it off his conscience. . . . That’s cool how Naruto’s not mad at Neji or Sasuke about it. . . . Naruto apparently has misgivings about Neji being safe when he goes off on Itachi. So what about the fact that Sasuke’s with Itachi? . . . . Interesting response: “Is that a threat?” I like how she took it that way, and didn’t immediately see it as a concerned warning. . . . (*snort*) “I thought it was coffee.” >D . . . . Wow. Mina’s already saying goodbye to her home. She figures that this could be the point of no return. . . . Ah, so she was in Itachi’s head. And possibly without meaning to or realizing it. . . . I like how Neji’s considering the “telekinetic link.” (Actually, you mean “telepathic” which is the mind-reading/communicating. “Telekinesis” is when you move objects around with your mind, like in Carrie.) I wonder if the link is because their twins, or because of the binding spell. Or both.
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From ANON - Anon on July 11, 2008
Chapter 10: Interesting title. . . . Owwch, that’s gotta hurt. DX . . . . Oh! It was Naruto downstairs. =) . . . . (*crosses fingers*) Come on, Mina! >.< . . . . He’s lucky if none of those tendons got severed. (*nauseous*) . . . . Fifteen minutes ago? It was that long? . . . . Aww, she called him “little brother.” That’s sweet. . . . Alright, flashback ahead.
Yeah, he looks “happy” alright. 9_9 . . . . I wonder if Sasuke’s noticed that his admirers have switched over. Probably not. . . . (*snort*) The repetitive innuendo of “. . . up . . .” is kind of funny in its repetition. ^^ . . . . So here’s the lemon. I must’ve misread something in an earlier chapter. . . . Aww man, please tell me that Kiba was straight and just really drunk. (*sweat*) . . . . HAH! “Nope. I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to bed.” Re-Jec-Ted! XD . . . . Love the emphasis on “sweeeeeeet”. ♥ . . . . (*giggle*) Sasuke was so immersed with how much he loved Naruto, that: “Sasuke?” “Hn?” “Move.” “Oh, sorry.” ^^ ♥ ♥ ♥ . . . . That scene ended pretty quick, but in a good way. I usually get annoyed if these lemon-scenes end too fast, but I liked this one; it didn’t feel rushed for some reason. . . . Err, whoopsie: “Get up. We’re taking a bath together?” I don’t think that last “?” was supposed to be there. It made the sentence sound odd. . . . Cute line about how Sasuke always wanted to take a bath with Naruto. . . . Aww man, that’s so heartbreakingly SWEET! ♥ ^;_;^ I hope things work out in the end for everybody! ;__;
Poor Naruto. T__T . . . . Love his quiet prayer.
It’s ironically funny how these two are bickering. ^^ . . . . I like these lines: “That was the problem with having a conscience. It slowed you down.” . . . . (*snort*) God, this one’s so ironic! “When this was all over, he was going to have to go see a doctor.” Because he’s feeling tenderness. Normally doctors (at least sane ones) try to encourage that sort of thing and discourage the more psycho stuff. I wonder what kind of doctor would give Itachi what he’s expecting in this case. ô_o . . . . Cute. Sasuke’s enjoying mouthing off. ^_^ . . . . Eesh, that was close. I guess coming from Itachi that’s a logical reason why he’s not worried. And just like that, Sasuke’s scared and all the humor is gone. Wow. Nicely put together. . . . That must be an odd feeling: “He would never admit it to anyone but being in this cave with his brother made him feel safer than he had felt in years.” He’d probably think, and isn’t THAT ironic.
Huh. I wonder why Sasuke had nightmares so much as a kid. . . . Jeez, what the hell. Why’s dad smacking him around for being up early? I mean, talk about brutal. . . . I like the point in this scene, about how Itachi’s telling Sasuke that he’s going to have to be able to protect himself eventually. . . . This is a cute scene. Dependence on learning to be independent.
Yeah, it is hard to believe that it had only been one day. . . . Interesting. Sasuke was dreaming about his past, and when he cried out “Aniki!” Itachi probably thought he was having a nightmare about the rape. I like the end of this chapter; it’s something to muse on.

Oh good, so it’s just familial love between Naruto and Mina. (*phew*) ^_^;
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From ANON - Anon on July 11, 2008
Chapter 9: I wonder who’s going to be involved in the lemon. (Hopefully not Neji or Mina, though the title seems to hint towards one of them.)

I like the starting lines of this chapter. . . . And I like the self-analysis Itachi’s doing (whether he’s right about it or wrong). . . . “projecting thoughts at Itachi from kilometers away.” I wonder if she can do that, or maybe Itachi just doesn’t know. Yeah, I bet he doesn’t know. He evidently knows more about her powers than most, but probably not everything. . . . Love the effect of his sudden realization that he messed up.
She and Itachi seem to think on similar lines. Unless Itachi’s heading to the castle to do something else. . . . Heh, I like how Mina admires Naruto’s healing ability. ^_^
I like how Sasuke came to see sense in this and apologized. It’s always interesting when someone realizes that someone else made a good judgment on them ahead of time, one that helps. . . . (*wince*) Ouch, at ankle chain sounds horrible. DX . . . . (*shiver*) Good luck, boys. ó_ò (*bites lip worriedly*) . . . . Heh. It happens from time to time, Sasuke. We’re all unintentionally clairvoyant at random moments. ^^; . . . . That was a tense moment to leave off with. I like it.
Yeah, one little careless mistake, Itachi, and everything goes to hell. ^_^ . . . . It’s kinda funny how all three Uchihas got a little clairvoyant around the same time. What the hell. I don’t believe this is an act of fate, more of an act of weirdness. (I only say fate for certain things, of which I’m not sure I have a specific definition.) . . . . Hmm, interesting story, Itachi. But why should Sasuke believe that? And furthermore, that last sentence: “As much as I want his power for myself, if he falls under the witch’s spell everything I’ve ever worked for will be in vain.” Why should Sasuke care what you’ve worked for, eh, Itachi? ô_o . . . . Sasuke’s got an interesting point about why should he help Itachi, but how come he isn’t questioning whether to believe Itachi or not? . . . . (*snicker*) Love the pause on “help”. Itachi doesn’t like saying that word, does he? ^^ . . . . Heh, I like the reference to the flood. ^^ . . . . Good reasoning, Sasuke. I love how he elaborates that helping Itachi save Naruto won’t change a thing from the current situation. This is actually better than Sasuke not believing Itachi. =D . . . . Owwwwch. >.< . . . . “Sasuke looked pulled.” As in torn? . . . . Love Itachi’s last warning. I wonder if he would really kill Sasuke, though. Maybe—but he’d regret it later. And if he foresees that . . . then maybe not.
I like Neji’s quote in the last paragraph. I wonder who’s just arrived or is coming for him. Good luck, Neji.

Well, liking Mina doesn’t have to mean liiiiiking Mina. He could be just touched that she cares. It doesn’t have to turn into romantic or sexual love. (I hope it won’t.)
Also, I like the goal on Itachi that you stated in your note to Kyuubi-kun. It’s very intriguing.
But I thought there was supposed to be a lemon in this chapter? Strangely, I must’ve missed it. ô_ô
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From ANON - Anon on July 11, 2008
Chapter 8: Lemony goodness, eh? Thanks for the warning. I wonder who it’ll be.

How’s he going get those clothes off if he can’t take the cuffs off his hands? . . . . Ooh, his heart skipped a beat. I hope that it doesn’t mean romance. Just that he feels touched. . . . He got his ramen after all. ^^ . . . . I like this line: “I don’t really like talking about all of this, and you may find that I’m less agreeable after we’re done.” Not many people would warn about that sort of thing. She’s really in touch with herself, isn’t she? That’s cool.
Man, that’s horrible. Why didn’t anybody defend her? . . . . (You know, this kinda reminds me of a combination of characters from Fruits Basket. It’s a good story, though, this one.
“We don’t love you anymore. We don’t want you anymore.” The first line seems kind of awkward; I’m having a hard time picturing them saying it. Maybe it’s possible, but I would’ve thought that it would’ve meant that they never really loved her anyway to begin with. The second line made more sense of what they were trying to say (than the first one, I mean — I don’t like what they’re doing to the girl, but that’s what I mean).
I wonder if this old woman is the one that’s sealed inside of her. If so, then she’s got an ability all of her own.
That must be interesting, seeing little Itachi. . . . But if Mina and Itachi are brother and sister of roughly the same age, how old was she when she was banished, and how come they’ve never seen each other? . . . . “They were practically identical.” I wonder if they’ve noticed that. . . . Yup. ^^ . . . . I love how when Itachi says, “Only witches live in the forest,” Mina immediately gets defensive. . . . Ohhhh, that explains it. Her first family wasn’t her real family.
“Naruto caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eye and Itachi was on them like a flash.” Might want to rephrase that sentence; that indicates that he’s attacking them. . . . Heh. She learned that “look into my eyes” trick from Itachi, probably. ^^ What’s confusing me, though, is how can Naruto see what Mina saw in Itachi’s eyes. The line said, “Itachi’s eyes started to glow red and Mina could see a beautiful woman sitting on a sofa.” It didn’t say anything about Naruto. . . . That story sounds almost like superstition. I would’ve expected some of them to start writing it off as such, even if it wasn’t. (And this story reminds me a little of Ayashi no Ceres, one of my favorites.) . . . . This makes me wonder if Itachi has a grain of truth in him about Mina possibly being a danger to Sasuke. I doubt it, but if she did kill that nurse . . . of course, nothing said that it was her that killed the nurse; someone else could have. So maybe she is innocent in that respect. Still, the seed of doubt is planted.
So Itachi told her about Sasuke, eh? So that probably means that whenever Itachi killed the clan, Mina found out and assumed Sasuke died with the rest of them as well. Either that, or Itachi did something to her memory that made her forget about Sasuke. . . . (*giggle*) “And now you’re thinking that you can’t believe I can do this.” ^^ . . . . So the witch is already inside her?
Yikes, that’s scary. I wonder if Itachi’s cursed, too, or something. . . . The evidence is certainly pointing to him doing it. I wonder if that’s true.
~~This Itachi has me curious. He sounds a lot like Sasuke from the manga. I wonder if that’s true or an act~~. . . . “ ‘You didn’t even know them! Why is this so important to you?’ Itachi looked angry.” Um, a little suggestion: Until that line, I was a little uncertain who was saying what in this dialogue. For some reason I thought at first that it was Itachi who said, “I’ve been killing myself training night and day, [etc.]”. Might want to clarify that bit. . . . A binding curse? Hmm. I wonder what he’s up to now. . . . “His temper had been getting a lot worse lately [. . .]” That’s a scary thought. (*shudders*) . . . . That’s interesting. I wonder if there’s anything he’s not telling her. My guess is that only he can get her pregnant or something like that.
Black eye. That’s not good. Are they sleeping together then? . . . . I wonder what his game is here. Is he just nuts or what? . . . . Heh. This is why you don’t screw around with magic. . . . I wonder what Sasuke would think if he could see this fight between Itachi and Mina. . . . So now they’re stuck. Itachi can’t kill her because the witch is too strong, and she can’t kill him because she wants a family. That is a dilemma.
I wonder if Itachi intends to keep or break that promise to Mina. And if he does keep it, what’s to keep her from killing him afterwards? . . . . (*snort*) Naruto just answered my question. Thanks, Naruto. ^^ . . . . Once more, when Mina says, “I have another brother????” not quite so many question-marks are necessary. (*sweat*) . . . . Yikes, now she’s furious. . . . That’s sweet, how Mina and Naruto are bonding. . . . “Maybe Neji was right. You can’t fight fate.” Nahh, screw fate in this case. The witch-thing, sure, okay, but not this bonding here. . . . Nice line to end off with.
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From ANON - Anon on July 11, 2008
Chapter 7: Well, I’d like it if Sasuke and Naruto were to remain in love and continue to have sex with each other, even if Itachi were to get drawn into this.

Wow. Sasuke’s kind of detached now. But please don’t tell me he’s going to start doing it with Neji now. I’m not ready for that yet. . . . Boy, he must be feeling really vulnerable if he’s confiding that in Neji (and who can blame him, really). I like how Neji’s trying to discourage him, though. . . . I hope Neji just holds him and comforts him (no sex).
I like the dialogue between Naruto and Mina. . . . Interesting line to leave off with. Makes you wonder if she can or not.
Oh god, no, please no, (knew this would happen). -_- . . . . Listen to your intuition, Neji, dammit. . . . (*sigh*) That was close. Thanks, Neji. And I like the bargain; it adds an interesting twist to this.
I like how the scenes just freeze and switch, freeze and switch. It’s an interesting transition effect. . . . Oh boy, stalemate. Help me, I’ll help you / Don’t help me, I won’t help you. . . . That was startling, she suddenly hugged him. . . . Did Itachi think it would be this easy to keep Naruto quiet about Sasuke? She’s gaining more ground with Naruto than Itachi ever had. . . . Suggestion: While I love Naruto’s hopeful and eager anticipation of ramen, not quite that many question-marks are needed. ^^;;; . . . . Hopefully Sasuke won’t have lost hope either.
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From ANON - Anon on July 11, 2008
Chapter 6: Good, Neji’s still alive. . . . Heh, the first paragraph makes him sound oddly content. . . . “He hoped Naruto and Sasuke had faired as well as he had.” So far Neji was the lucky one. . . . Jeez. “The truth was the truth.” And Sasuke responds with nothing but the truth. Sad as that part is, I kind of liked it. . . . I kind of liked that scene. Neji’s doing his best and Sasuke’s dealing with it in his own way. (I’m glad he’s not breaking down like the victims do in a lot of rape fics; 1) because I get sad too easily, and 2) because it’s interesting how he’s dealing with it in his own brooding way.)
I wonder if she had heard those insults. . . . I liked the snake-in-the-box analogy too. ^^ . . . . Oh, and does the fox in the box wear socks? (Lol.) . . . . Staying awake all night is one thing. But she said they’ll be staying somewhere for a few weeks. He can’t stay awake THAT long. . . . Yup, she poses a good question. I wonder if Naruto’s ever going to trust her more than Itachi. And if/when she receives the news of her second brother, what will she do with it. . . . I wonder what that picture looks like. . . . Interesting story about the witch and Mina.
How will he know if someone does touch his captives? . . . . I kinda like the repetition of “He/She was at a loss.” . . . . Lol, I just looked at the title of this chapter. Shoulda guessed. XD
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From ANON - Anon on July 08, 2008
Chapter 5: Interesting. Mina’s haunted by the torture. She doesn’t like it, but something in her does, and all of that combined really scares her. I like this character. She’s interesting. . . . Err, whoopsie: the bold is continuing outside the thoughts. (*sweat*) . . . . Must be those techniques Itachi had taught him if ramen is what he wants more than anything in this world. . . . Jeez, that’s scary, what she can do when someone’s asleep.
Ah, and there’s Sasuke’s answer. . . . Oh crap. He’s just going to take it. O.O . . . . (*flinch*) He’s merciless, isn’t he. . . . Now he’s scared. . . . Jeez. . . . Oh man, that’s horrible. After doing all that he says, “You’re an embarrassment?” God, that’s horrible. . . . And then he kisses him?! Shit, this is going to be so confusing! Õ.Õ

(*laughs weakly*) “I promise I wouldn’t hurt him for no reason [. . .]” Yeah, THAT’S reassuring. I hope this story has a happy ending too, though.
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From ANON - Anon on July 08, 2008
Chapter 4: Oh no, oh no, oh no, please tell me he’ll remember Sasuke again and love him again. ;__; . . . . Those snatches of conversation are intriguing. Witches? Cool. . . . Alright, somebody torch Konoha for me (those fucktards). ¬_¬ . . . . Talk about total retards, contradicting Mina when they’re so terrified of her. . . . Heh. She should emphasize her point about the “only if you open it” by telling them that she might just do that. Maybe they’ll shut up out of fear.
Sasuke must have a lot of stuff within reach to keep throwing, then. . . . “This is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever witnessed.” Tough shit, Itachi. You don’t like it, unchain him and he won’t have to resort to that. . . . Ooh, velvet and straddling. Do I see where this is going. . . ? . . . . He kissed him to shut him up. Sasuke’s handling that pretty well. . . . Heh. And there’s that title again. I’m curious about how Sasuke doesn’t seem to like it, but isn’t freaking out about it either.
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