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Playing Wingman for the Greater Good	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > General Views: 709 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make profit of it. Kishimoto owns it.

Chapter List
- 1-Playing Wingman for the Greater Good
- 1
Author's note: I want to apologise for the lack of updates of my other stories. I had hoped to have more updates ready this weekend, but the editing of my thesis is taking me longer than expected *sighs* After tomorrow, however, all the editing should finally be done and I can concentrate on the rest of the updates. In the meantime have this ... silly thing to tie you over. Once again, I'm sorry for having you all wait so long for the rest of the updates!
Warnings: Various pov; slash; canon divergent right after start of the war; Neji lives becauses; attempt at humour; references to mature content; foul language
I hope you'll like this despite its silliness!
Playing Wingman for the Greater Good
"I'm sure you're all wondering why I've called you here together," Ino said solemnly, resting her hands on the table.
They were seated in the furthest corner of the pub, one that was situated closer to Suna than to Konoha, which offered at least the illusion of privacy. As long as they wouldn't raise their voices too much, she figured she wouldn't have to worry about people trying to eavesdrop.
"That has been the main question on my mind, yes," Tenten murmured, casting a quick look at the three people huddled on one side of the table.
These three were Karin, Suigetsu and Jugo; Sasuke's team members during the time he'd disappeared off the radar. Frankly, Ino was surprised that they had accepted her invitation, but relieved at the same time as well. Perhaps with their contribution they would finally be able to put an end to all their suffering.
"We all know Naruto and Sasuke-kun," she began and caught Suigetsu raising an eyebrow amused. "And as I'm sure you all are aware of, these two like each other." She paused. "A lot, I would even dare to say, but alas, it appears they are very thick-headed as well."
"Where are you going with this?" Karin asked bemused. When she shifted her position in her chair slightly, her cleavage became slightly more pronounced.
One quick punch aimed to Suigetsu's shoulder had some water showering them all and had the white haired man sheepishly averting his eyes again.
"I will be blunt," Ino said, steepling her fingers together. "Seeing them dance around each other like that with absolutely nothing being accomplished from it is driving me absolutely bonkers. The sexual tension between the two of them is driving me nuts and I'm getting this close to strangling the both of them. That's why I called you all here: to help me get these two dunces together before they're both old and grey and still haven't fucked each other even once."
"They have been hanging out with each other a lot," Jugo admitted; a faint smile gracing his lips. "I do admit to having suspicions about the bond between them."
"You want to play wingman for those two, fine, but why am I here?" Neji asked irritated, crossing his arms. "I'm not interested in frivolous crap like that and you very well know it. Why not ask one of the other girls?"
"They," Ino pointed at Sasuke's former group, "are here because aside from Naruto, they know Sasuke-kun the best. As for why you two are here," she addressed Neji and Tenten, "I can't ask Billboard Brow because she would go absolutely nuts – and that's the best case scenario. She still thinks she has a shot with Sasuke-kun, after all."
Tenten grimaced and even Karin winced.
"Hinata is out for obvious reasons as well," Ino continued, ignoring Neji's scowl, "Kiba doesn't have the finesse for it, Shikamaru is too lazy, Lee is a bit too youth focused, I wouldn't call Chouji wingman material exactly, bless him, and Shino is … Shino."
"You forgot Sai," Tenten pointed out.
Ino stared at her. "I want to help Naruto, not antagonise him further with Sai's less than helpful equipment jokes."
Tenten mulled that over, before nodding in understanding.
"That leaves you, Tenten, with your levelheadedness and you, Neji, with your finesse and suaveness," Ino explained. "I'm certain you want the both of them to be happy - "
"I really don't care about Uchiha, though," Neji commented.
"So that's why I require your help as well," she finished, ignoring his interjection. "I'm certain that between us six we can figure out a way for those two idiots to get their heads out of their arses and finally go for what they want."
"I'm really not interested in playing a wingman," Neji smiled thinly.
She smiled just as thinly back. "You want to keep witnessing their awkward flirting attempts?"
He glowered, but didn't protest again.
She grinned satisfied. "With that settled, any ideas how we can approach this?"
"Did you deliver the letter to Naruto?" Ino whispered, adjusting herself so she was better hidden behind the bush.
Tenten nodded; she laid flat on her belly, peering underneath a rose bush. "Yes, he should be here any minute now."
"I feel Sasuke-kun approaching," Karin warned them.
They all fell silent, keeping themselves as still as a statue and their chakra presence hidden so that nothing would alarm the two men who would show up any minute now.
The plan had been relatively easy, but easy wasn't always bad. It was also rather cliché, but when you were dealing with two idiots of such a high degree, there was not much that could be done about the cliché level of a plan. They had written two notes; one addressed to Naruto, the other to Sasuke, faking the men's handwriting to make it seem as if they had each written the note. They were invited to Training Ground G; the one furthest away from all the other training grounds, which meant ample of privacy. Hopefully with finally being alone, the two men would stop dancing that awkward as hell dance and just snog each other crazy already.
Ino hadn't been kidding when she had said the two men were driving her bonkers.
Sasuke was the first one to show up, approaching the field almost leisurely, but there was no ignoring the way his sharp eyes took in his surroundings. Good thing they had taken care to hide their presence before he had shown up. He remained standing in the middle of the field, appearing almost bored as he waited.
Around a minute later, Naruto showed up; a flush in his cheeks from the running he had done. "Hey, bastard!" he greeted cheerfully and waved the note in his hand. "Got your note, but I thought we'd agreed to meet up in two days? Did you change your mind?"
"I didn't," Sasuke answered flatly.
Naruto halted just a couple of steps in front of him and cocked his head to the left, obviously confused. "Huh? Then why the note?"
"I could ask you the same," Sasuke retorted and waved his own note in the air.
"I didn't write you a note, though," Naruto said confused.
"I know," Sasuke snorted and crumpled the note together, throwing it in the direction of the waste bin. It hit its target squarely. "The handwriting on this note didn't look enough like chicken's handwriting to be yours."
"I knew I should have just entered Naruto's mind and made him write that note," Ino bemoaned quietly. Who could have known that Sasuke would know Naruto's handwriting that well?
"Pretty sure that'd be considered illegal," Neji murmured.
"BASTARD! MY HANDWRITING DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A CHICKEN!" Naruto yelled, flipping him off. "Why did you come here then, huh?"
"Because I was curious to see who could be impersonating you," Sasuke said and shrugged.
"Oh." Naruto deflated, staring at the note in his hand. "Damn, hadn't really considered this might have been a trap."
"How has he survived for this long?" Karin asked with a pained face.
"So what now?" Naruto asked, crossing his hands behind his head.
Sasuke shrugged again, resting his hand on his hip. "You want to spar?"
"Hell yeah!" The next second some of Kyuubi's chakra spilt out as Naruto and Sasuke readied themselves for a sparring session.
"The Kyuubi," both Ino and Neji intoned as reply to Karin, who nodded in comprehension.
"Yeah, makes sense."
Plan A: Exchange fake notes had failed.
"I can't believe we're actually doing this," Suigetsu muttered, torn between laughing his arse off and bemoaning the fact that he had got dragged into his ridiculous plan in the first place.
Who cared if the boss still wasn't fucking the Jinchuuriki? If you asked him, their awkward flirting made for some really entertaining moments!
"There's no harm done," Jugo reasoned, leaning back in his pillow.
"Easy for you to say. I'm offering you up as the scapegoat if this plan goes to shit," Suigetsu snorted. "No way am I dealing with our dear former leader when he gets pissed off."
"Get ready," Karin murmured, jabbing her elbow in his side, making him hiss and scowl. Dear god, she really needed to get some more meat on those pointy elbows! "Tenten's going to make her move."
"Why me," Suigetsu sighed.
Somehow Ino had managed to corral everyone – and with everyone, that was all of Naruto's friends and former Taka – into spending the weekend at a resort. The plan this time was to get something spilt on Naruto and then lead Naruto upstairs to replace his shirt – not with one of his own, but with one of Sasuke's. Sasuke always had a spare in his bag, supposedly people went nuts if they saw their lover – or future lover, whatever, who cared about the fucking semantics, man – dressed in their clothes and voilà, you had a whole new plan to get the two men to fuck each other silly. Suigetsu wasn't really certain whether he had much faith in the plan, but just to be on the safe side, he had requested a room on an entirely different floor.
If those two finally started to fuck like bunnies, he had no desire to hear them, thank you very much.
A ruckus unfolding on the other side of the table had him focusing again and he realised his turn had arrived.
"I'm sorry, Naruto!" Tenten apologised profusely, letting her hands hover awkwardly over Naruto's shirt, which was now absolutely drenched in orange juice.
Naruto himself was stunned for a bit before he waved off her apology with a laugh, plucking at his messy shirt. "Nah, don't worry about it, Tenten. I guess I should have been more careful when turning around."
"Still as clumsy as ever, usuratonkachi," Sasuke smirked, resting his head on his chin.
Hiding his fake barfing behind his hand, Suigetsu rose up from his seat, catching Ino's gaze on his way to Naruto. Her gaze was meaningful and seemed to carry the distinct message of "Do not fuck this up". He concealed a shudder. Fucking hell, no wonder she'd taken over as head of the clan; she definitely wasn't one to mess with.
"Come on, I got the key to the room with our bags," he said smoothly, tapping Naruto's shoulder to attract his attention. "We can get you something else to change into."
"Aren't our bags brought to the rooms yet?" Naruto questioned surprised, but rose up all the same, smiling reassuringly at Tenten who was still apologising.
That woman was missing a career in acting, that was for fucking sure.
"Nah, overheard them saying they'd do that by seven p.m.," Suigetsu replied and they made their way through the room without tripping over or bumping into someone else.
Of course the whole bags being brought later to the rooms was yet another thing that Ino had secured. Really with how meticulous that woman was in planning and getting shit done, it was a miracle Akatsuki had ever dared to attack Konoha.
They entered the room where their bags still were waiting in an ordered pile until they would be brought to their rooms. He quickly snatched a towel from his own bag, one in the front, and threw the cloth at Naruto, who caught it swiftly.
"Here, dry yourself off a bit, I'll get you a new shirt. Black bag, right?" Suigetsu asked, as if Ino and Tenten hadn't drilled it into his mind which bag Naruto had and which bag Sasuke had.
He was starting to wonder whether they really were doing this for the 'greater good' aka getting Sasuke and Naruto to fuck or whether they just were getting a kick out of planning this shit.
"Yeah, thanks," Naruto grinned and stripped off his shirt, grimacing at the way it clung to his chest.
Meanwhile Suigetsu concealed a sigh and waded his way through the amount of bags piled together, eyeing some of the larger suitcases dubiously. Hell, they were only here for the weekend, who the fuck would carry that much luggage with them? Probably women, he conceded and tried to remember which bag Karin had taken with her. A large red one, he thought, but …
Oh right, the plan. He caught sight of Naruto's bag, but instead of zipping open that one, he went for the one right next to it. Also black, but more of a duffle bag than a backpack. He unzipped it, shot a quick prayer to the gods above that Sasuke would never find out that he'd done this one purpose, and opened the bag.
Only to not spot a single spare shirt at all.
What the fuck?
Sasuke always had a goddamn spare with him! The gods knew Suigetsu had often made fun of him and his preparedness when they'd been on the road, because Sasuke had been the fussy type to always have spares of everything. But now he didn't!
Oh for fuck's sake, had he really chosen this moment to forgo his obsession with spare clothing?
"Suigetsu, you found my bag yet?" Naruto asked curiously.
Well, fuck the plan, obviously. That shit wasn't going to work anymore.
Zipping the bag shut again, he quickly unzipped Naruto's and pulled out a shirt from there; a black one of which the colour had faded slightly throughout the many wash cycles.
"Yeah sorry, man, took a bit to find the right one," Suigetsu feigned an apology and threw him his shirt. "Here you go."
After Naruto had changed into his clean shirt, they returned to the others, where, of course, Suigetsu was greeted with burning eyes and pinched lips. Wonderful.
"You were supposed to get him into Sasuke-kun's shirt!" Karin hissed; her eyes flaring up with irritation. "What the hell, you water freak? That's not Sasuke-kun's shirt!"
"No, really?" Suigetsu shot back sarcastically. "Get off my back, this isn't my fault. Sasuke apparently suddenly decided he no longer needs spare shirts."
"There wasn't a spare one in his bag?" she asked, taken aback; her ire ebbing away.
"Nope, only his sleepwear," he answered curtly and snatched the bottle of sake when one of the Konoha guys passed it over. "So fuck this plan as well, I guess."
She slumped down and rubbed her forehead. "I guess."
A couple of hours later, when they were all preparing themselves for the night, Suigetsu encountered Naruto in the hallway on his way to the bathroom. Naruto was wearing a white shirt that was carelessly wrapped around his waist and kept together with a black sash. It looked really familiar, like familiar in the 'Sasuke wore that shit for two whole years back at the compound' familiar, but …
Nah. Couldn't be the same thing. Suigetsu shook his head and continued his way to the bathroom. It couldn't be the same shirt, because why the hell would Naruto be wearing it?
"Are you sure this plan is going to work?" Tenten asked sceptically, filing into the booth next to her.
Ino scowled, throwing back her shot of sake. The liquid burnt on its way inside, making her scowl harder. "Well, what else can we do?" she said annoyed. "We tried having women flirt with Naruto, but fuck all that did for us!"
They hadn't even attempted to convince women to flirt with Sasuke, because Ino didn't exactly have the means to provide therapy for all those poor women after Sasuke would have been through with them. Sasuke was barely passing the bar of politeness when it came to rejecting Sakura – not that Ino could blame him, even she was getting exasperated with Sakura's continuous flirting attempts – no way would he have held back from chewing out anonymous people who would have bothered him.
Naruto had seemed like a safer bet, because while he was quite pretty for a man, he didn't have the sharp tongue of Sasuke, which made him safer for women to flirt with. They had hoped that seeing so many girls flirting with Naruto would have set off Sasuke, but alas.
Of course it hadn't. Because why would anything suddenly be that fucking simple?
"Yeah, but getting him drunk?" Tenten raised an eyebrow, glancing at the bar where Suigetsu was enthusiastically replenishing Naruto's glass again and again.
"I feel like this would trespass the limit of decency and legality," Neji mused, his hand resting loosely around his own glass.
"Look, they always say that drunk people speak the truth," Ino said impatiently and turned to glower at Neji. "And I don't see you coming up with another idea to get those two idiots together!"
"I suggested we lock them up in a room and throw away the key," he said bored.
"Yes, thereby forgetting that they are shinobi where one of them can use a giant Susanoo and the other one can turn into a giant raging fox demon," she smiled thinly. "Doubt a locked door would hold them back for long."
He held out his hands. "What do you want me to say? I'd say, let them figure it out for themselves."
"That's what I've let them do for the past year," she hissed and resisted the urge to stomp her foot. "And look where that has got us so far! Nowhere! But meanwhile they keep fucking dancing around each other. How are they both so damn dense?!"
"Where's that idiot?"
Sasuke's sudden appearance had the three of them jumping in surprise and Ino felt a bit tongue-tied at the icy aura practically blasting off the man. Okay, so maybe dragging them all to a nightclub and trying to get Naruto drunk wasn't one of their best ideas, but give her a fucking break! What else were they supposed to do?
Meekly Tenten pointed towards the bar and they all watched how Sasuke marched over there, ignoring some women and some men trying to reach out to him. They looked on as Suigetsu hastily retreated and Sasuke said something to Naruto, who swivelled around on the barstool and offered him a dopey grin.
Ino wished they sat closer just so she could hear what they were saying. Whatever Naruto was babbling about, it had him swinging his arms around Sasuke's neck and leaning closely to him. She was nearly at the point of punching the air with her fist in victory, because surely, Naruto was finally spilling the beans, when she took notice of Sasuke's posture.
It was not the posture of someone being happy to be confessed to, but of someone holding himself so stiffly he looked to be personating a statue instead.
"This isn't good," Tenten observed sombrely as they watched Sasuke drag a snickering, flushed red Naruto out of the club. Sasuke was absolutely not amused.
Fuck.
"No, this isn't," Ino groaned and thumped her head on the table. "I give up. I don't know anymore. Literally nothing has worked!"
"You tried your best," was Neji's surprisingly comforting remark. He patted her shoulder once. "Next time, please do not drag me into any more of your outlandish schemes. I actually do have a life of my own."
Aaaaand there went the comfort. Of course. It was Neji, what had she expected, really?
"Oh, there you are, Ino!"
She turned around at the sound of her name, squinting against the low setting sun as Naruto hurried to her; a big grin matching his upbeat step.
"Hey, Naruto, back from your mission, I see," she smiled. "How did it go?"
"Mah, went well, I can't complain," he grinned, scratching his cheek. "Was nice to see Gaara again, for sure, but that's not what I want to talk about."
"Oh, you need to talk about something?"
She blinked bemused when he offered her a card. She accepted it, staring at him. "Erm, what's this?" It couldn't be an invitation to his birthday; they were still in August.
"An invitation to our housewarming party," he beamed, rocking back and forth on his heels. "I hope you can make it! I tried to fit it with everyone's schedule."
"Wait, whose housewarming party?" she asked mystified. Had Naruto moved? Since when?
"Mine and Sasuke's, of course," he answered, for some reason confused by her question. "We finished the cottage last week, so we finally managed to move in together. Somehow managed to convince the bastard to throw a party after all," he laughed, somehow sounding both pleased and shy.
"You and Sasuke-kun live together?" She felt stupid for only repeating a couple of words every time, but her brain had gone completely offline now. Housewarming party? Moving in together?
"Well, yeah, we figured that my apartment was getting too small and this way Sasuke will be home for longer periods," Naruto grinned and rested his crossed arms behind his head. "So you think you can come?"
"Erm, sure, yeah," she answered slowly, trying to figure out what she was missing.
He beamed at her again and waved before walking away. He was nearly at the end of the street, about to turn the corner, when her brain finally started working properly again and she whirled around, ready to call out to him.
Just as she opened her mouth, however, Sasuke appeared out of nowhere, slid his arm around Naruto's waist and –
Kissed him on his mouth.
Even with the distance between them, it was hard not to hear Naruto's cheerful laughter before he linked their hands together and the both of them disappeared around the corner.
Ino stood there, blinking rapidly before looking down at the invitation she still had yet to open. Housewarming party. Living together. Because they were together. They were an actual couple.
When had this happened?! How long had this been going on?!
It couldn't be because one of their plans had actually succeeded, because they had all failed spectacularly, so how …
She stood there for a moment longer until she started to garner some strange looks from passer-by's, which had her walking once again, continuing her trek to home.
Well, she thought, flipping the invitation back and forth between her fingers, a smile twitching at the corners of her mouth in spite of her confusion, guess I can pester them about it at their housewarming party.
Now what should she get them as a housewarming present, hm …
The End
AN2: Naruto does not understand why all their friends are in such an uproar, because hasn't it been obvious that he and Sasuke have been a couple for a year already? Sasuke just wants them all gone, as quickly as possible, because he and Naruto still have a lot of ... time to catch up to.
I hope this wasn't too awful! Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
I hope to see you all back in my future stories! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves!
Cuddles
Melissa
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Playing Wingman for the Greater Good