Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

I'm Sorry	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1200 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make profit of it. Kishimoto owns it.

Chapter List
- 1-Part 1
- 2-Part 2
- 1
- 2
Author's note: One of my goals this year is to finally get a move on with all the stories I've started - and there are a lot of stories I started. A lot. So in light of this, while I'm preparing some bigger projects for the upcoming weeks, have this two shot! An old idea I started a few years ago and finally set to finishing it! It's a twoshot because shit, this was getting quite long already! I always underestimate just how much I can write. Hope this won't disappoint!
Warnings: Naruto's pov; alternate universe; character deaths; alcohol abuse; grief; unfit guardians; angst; time skips; not for Sakura fans
I hope you'll like this first part!
Part 1
He lost his parents when he was seven years old.
There was a storm sweeping across the country; worse than they had initially predicted. They were on their way home, dad driving carefully through the pouring rain, when lightning struck one of the trees next to the road. The tree trunk snapped in half and the top half smashed their car.
All he could remember was metal screeching and mum screaming in panic before everything went dark.
When he regained consciousness, a firefighter was talking to him, reassuring him everything would be okay, that he was fine, and that he would be out of the car soon. There were red and blue lights everywhere he looked when the man carefully pulled him out of the wrecked car; police and firefighters filling up the road. It was still raining badly, the cold drops splashing apart on his face and his jacket, but he didn't register the cold.
"Where's mummy? And daddy? Are they okay?" he asked worriedly, growing restless when he couldn't immediately spot his parents.
"I'll go check on them," the firefighter promised him before lowering him on a bed in the back of an ambulance. "This nice paramedic is going to give you a quick check-up, okay? Make sure you're not hurt."
He nodded slowly, not really understanding what was going on. He caught a glimpse of the car – the roof looking so dented it made the car appear like it had been cut into two parts – before a woman came to stand in front of him, blocking his vision.
"Hello, sweetheart, my name is Shizune. I'm a paramedic, which means I'm going to examine you a bit, check if you aren't hurt," she explained friendly. "What's your name, sweetheart?"
"Na-Naruto," he muttered. A gust of wind made him shiver, wrapping his arms around himself.
"Here, this'll keep you warm," Shizune said and wrapped him up in something silvery.
She started examining him, shining a torch in his eyes, telling him to follow her finger, asking questions like "Does it hurt anywhere?" and "How are you feeling?". He didn't really pay attention to her, too anxious to find out where his mummy and daddy were. They'd been in the car with him, so where were they now? Were they hurt?
When the firefighter came back to him, he didn't even need to hear the words to know why mummy and daddy weren't coming to get him. The sad look on the man's face said it all.
He didn't have mummy or daddy anymore.
He was all alone now.
"Why the hell did he have to die? Out of everyone … Haven't I lost enough?" the blonde woman hissed, slamming her fist against the wall.
He watched her wide-eyed, not daring to open his mouth. He'd been in the hospital for a while, none of the doctors or the nurses letting him stay with mummy and daddy, when a police man had visited him to tell him he would be staying with his grandmother from now on.
He'd only seen her once or twice before; their families living too far away from each other to visit regularly. He knew she was some kind of famous doctor, famous enough to be known throughout the entire world even! But aside from that, he didn't know much else.
She was here now, her eyes red-rimmed, a strange odour clinging to her. She hadn't looked at him even once the whole time she'd been in his room, had just been muttering to herself, damning the weather, the gods, damning everything for taking her family away from her.
Suddenly she looked straight at him, whiskey brown eyes locking onto wide, dark blue ones, and he froze; the thin sheet clenched between his fingers.
"Why couldn't they have taken you instead of my smart boy?" she asked, her voice strangled, and then she started crying, hiding her face in her hands; her long blonde hair slipping down across her shoulders.
All Naruto could think of to say was, "I'm sorry."
Because he didn't know either why mummy and daddy had died, but he had stayed alive.
Tsunade-baa-chan took him with her to her house after the funeral. She'd insisted on burying mummy and daddy in her hometown instead of theirs, stating there was no way she would drive hundreds of miles just to visit their graves.
This meant that Naruto was living in an entirely new house now, his home empty and sealed up now, waiting to be sold. He hadn't wanted to leave. He'd wanted to stay home, remain in the place where he had all these happy memories with his parents. When he was home, he wasn't really sad, because it felt like his parents were still there.
But grandmother had refused to listen, ordering strange people to empty the house and seal up boxes with stuff from his room.
"Look, if I had had my way, none of this would have to happen, but life's shit, kid, and the sooner you learn that lesson, the better," she'd told him bluntly, before bitterly adding, "And it's not going to get any better from here either."
He'd said nothing, watching instead men move around in his home, putting everything in boxes and loading those in a large truck.
What had there been to say after all?
She'd agreed to take him in, but it became obvious pretty quickly that she hadn't done so willingly. In fact, Naruto soon started to feel like she didn't want him around at all.
He had his own bedroom in her house, but he was on his own to prepare food if he was hungry. Being seven years old, that meant clumsily making some sandwiches – trying his hardest not to cut himself with the sharp knife – or ramen after he'd figured out how to get the kettle to boil water.
She didn't talk to him when they encountered each other in the house. There were days she didn't come home until late at night and that same sickeningly sweet odour he'd smelt back at the hospital would cling to her then, stinking up the corridors and the rooms she stumbled in.
Sometimes he'd catch her clutching a dark coloured bottle and if she saw him looking, she'd spat at him to mind his own business before storming off to her room.
He didn't know what he could do to make her like him. He tried to be as quiet as possible after she'd snarled at him to stop being "so goddamn fucking loud! Are you a fucking elephant?!" and cleaned up after himself as best as he could. Whatever he did, though, it was never good enough.
If he was lucky, she'd just ignore him, but if she got into a foul mood – which usually happened after she'd been drinking from that strange bottle, he'd noticed – she could get quite mean, often telling him he should have been the one to die instead of his dad. He tried not to let those words get to him, but that was difficult, especially when he sometimes found himself agreeing with her.
Maybe everything would be better if he had died instead of mummy and daddy. They'd still be here then, alive, and maybe grandmother wouldn't be so angry all the time.
They weren't, though, but he was – even if grandmother often wished everything had been different.
All he could do was say sorry, because that seemed to be the only thing he could do. The only thing he was good at, it seemed, because when he apologised, she at least quietened down.
Maybe if he said it enough, one day she would forgive him for being the one to survive instead of her son.
He did his best at school, but with nobody reminding him to do his homework or checking to make sure he was wearing clean clothes, he often ended up being scolded by his teacher for forgetting his homework, for getting bad grades or for not washing his clothes.
He figured out how to wash his clothes with some help of a friendly neighbour, but he still struggled at school, no matter how hard he tried. There was no way he was going to ask grandmother for help; he was trying his best not to bother her too much and asking her for help with his homework would definitely be classified as bothering her probably. Still, his marks were becoming pretty bad and he had no idea what he could do. He was pretty sure that failing his class would also make grandmother mad and he definitely didn't want that.
It was during one of the evenings when he was trying his hardest to make sense of his mathematics homework that he heard the front door opening softly. It immediately made him look up and check the clock, frowning when he realised it was still only six o'clock. Grandmother never came home this early from work usually. Was she not feeling well?
Growing concerned, he slipped off the chair and walked into the entrance hall. Only to freeze up when he encountered the hulking form of an unknown man at the front door, removing his shoes as if he lived here. He had long, prickly white hair, tied together in a low ponytail, which smacked against the wall when he quickly turned his head upon hearing Naruto squeak in shock.
"Hey, hey, nothing's wrong!" the man said hastily, holding up his large hands in the air. "I'm Jiraiya, your grandmother's friend. Didn't she mention I was coming over?"
"Grandmother isn't home," was all Naruto could bring out warily, unsure what to think of this mysterious man. How had he managed to get inside? Did he have a key? If he did, then was he really grandmother's friend?
"She isn't?" Jiraiya frowned. "You're here on your own?"
"Yeah, she always comes home late from work," Naruto said frankly, lingering in the doorway of the kitchen. Shouldn't the guy know that if he was her friend?
"The hell?" Jiraiya muttered and grabbed a cell phone from one of his large pockets. Everything seemed large about the man, from his giant size to the clothes he wore.
As Naruto stood there, uncertain as to what to do now, the man pushed on some buttons on his phone and brought the device to his ear, throwing the occasional glance at the young boy.
Naruto jumped slightly when the silence was suddenly broken by the man's deep voice. "Hey, where are you? Shouldn't you be home by now?"
Whatever the person on the other end of the line said – was it grandmother? – had him frowning. "Oh, I don't know, because you've got your grandkid to take care of now?" he said perplexed and then narrowed his eyes. "Wait, where the hell are you?"
Another pause, the answer only serving to aggravate him further it seemed like. "It is my damn business when you're leaving a kid on his own! I swear to god, Tsunade - " He pulled away his phone, staring at it incredulously. "I can't believe she just hung up on me."
Naruto nibbled on his lower lip, completely lost now. Was the guy going to leave now or …
"How often does she leave you alone here?" Jiraiya suddenly demanded; a heavy frown still marring his forehead. It honestly made him a bit scary looking and the blond boy licked his lips.
"Every day? She's always home late," he said and shrugged helplessly. "She usually smells really weird too then."
"Weird how?"
"I don't know, sweet? But not the nice sweet. It's a nasty sweet smell." Naruto wrinkled his nose; his stomach already churning at just the memory of it alone. That sickeningly sweet smell always clung to the rooms for so long … He had to open the windows every day just to get rid of the stench.
"Right." Jiraiya deflated oddly, rubbing his forehead. "Damn it, Tsunade. Did you eat already, kid?"
"No." Naruto wasn't sure whether there was still enough in the fridge to prepare a sandwich actually. He'd forgotten to check the fridge and grandmother only did the groceries on Saturday. It was Thursday now.
"Okay, you know what?" Jiraiya rose up and clapped his hands together. "We'll order some takeout, how about that? You like pizza?"
"I like it," Naruto confirmed and cocked his head. It had been a long time since he'd last eaten it, though. Grandmother never ordered it nor bought it from the store. "But I don't think grandmother likes it."
"Your grandmother is busy with something else now, I'm sure she won't mind," Jiraiya said dismissively, pursing his lips for just a few seconds before he grinned. "Come on, let's order some pizza."
Naruto couldn't help but be cautious around the older man, because grandmother had never mentioned him before even though they seemed to know each other well enough. But Jiraiya was friendly, letting him eat as many pizza slices as he wanted, and he even helped him with his homework when he realised that Naruto was struggling with it.
For the first time since his parents had died, Naruto managed to finish his homework before nine o'clock and this time he was pretty sure that sensei wouldn't have too many remarks on it, which was awesome!
What was less awesome was when he was upstairs, in his bed, and he heard grandmother coming home finally. Jiraiya was still here and he was clearly confronting grandmother – their loud voices were hard to ignore, even with how oddly slurred her voice sounded. They moved to the kitchen, closing the door behind them which finally muted all the noise. Naruto curled up tighter underneath his blanket; his heartbeat loud in his ears even though he could no longer hear them fighting.
The pizza in his stomach suddenly felt like a heavy stone and sleep took a long time to find him; long after silence had returned to the house.
Jiraiya was still there the next morning, but grandmother wasn't, which confused Naruto greatly. She might be in the habit of coming home late every time, but she was always early up too, only leaving the house a bit before Naruto did.
"Where's grandmother?" he questioned, watching curiously how Jiraiya put a plate with two pieces of toast in front of him on the table, already covered with jam.
"One of her patients has a very early appointment," Jiraiya answered, but he sounded off.
When Naruto cautiously looked at him, he seemed to be somewhere entirely else with his mind; his eyes staring into the distance unseeingly.
"Is she still mad?" Naruto dared to ask, biting down on his lower lip.
Jiraiya looked at him surprised. "You heard that, huh?" he smiled ruefully and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, she's always had a fiery temper. Kind of expected to clash with her to be honest. Don't worry about it; she'll be fine. Go on, eat. You've got school today, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, if you like, I can drop you off at school," Jiraiya offered to his surprise. "Beats walking there, right? Especially because it's raining."
It was indeed raining; something Naruto only realised when he peered out of the window. "Yeah, thank you," he mumbled and took a bit from his toast.
He'd become so used to walking on his own to school that it felt weird to have an adult dropping him off again. The last time that had happened was when mummy and daddy had still been alive and daddy would always drop him off before he would continue to his work. Then during the evening mummy would come pick him up and they would walk home together while Naruto would tell her about all the things he'd learnt in school that day.
He had learnt early on that grandmother was too busy to drop him off or pick him up and she definitely wasn't interested in hearing how his day had gone; too tired or too angry to listen to him.
That only made him miss his parents even more and once again he wondered why he had been the only one to survive. Some nurses at the hospital back then had called it a miracle that he had survived the accident without being too hurt, but why was it a miracle when mummy and daddy didn't survive?
There was nothing miraculous about that.
Jiraiya didn't leave. Every day he would drop off Naruto at this school and would pick him up again once classes were over. He helped him with his homework and made dinner for them as if he'd been doing this for years already.
Every day grandmother would come home later and later and argument after argument would erupt between her and Jiraiya even when the white haired man tried his best to keep his voice down. Naruto had no real idea what exactly they were arguing about; he did his best every evening to shut out their voices, burrowing himself as deep underneath the blankets as he could. Lately he barely saw grandmother anymore; she was always gone by the time he woke up and only arrived home when he was already in bed. The sickly sweet scent was still present, though, clinging to the walls. It had grown worse even and Naruto had seen Jiraiya disposing of a lot of empty bottles just a few days ago. They hadn't looked like soda or water bottles, but he hadn't dared to ask what had been in them, because Jiraiya had looked rather annoyed when getting rid of them.
Three weeks after showing up, Jiraiya crouched down in front of him after having picked him up once more from school and said, "Hey buddy, your grandmother is having a really hard time trying to cope with your parents' death and with all the work she has. What do you think of coming to live with me for a little while? That way your grandmother can get better again."
"I guess," Naruto said hesitatingly, but what else could he say?
Grandmother had been clear from the start that she had never really liked Naruto being here. Maybe if he left, she would finally start feeling better and maybe, maybe in the future she would once again be a happy grandmother.
Maybe.
"Guess you're now stuck with me, Naruto," Jiraiya smiled wryly and squeezed his shoulder; a sad look passing over his face.
All Naruto could think of to say was, "I'm sorry."
Because there was nothing else he could say.
Living with Jiraiya wasn't so bad. Yeah, Naruto ended up having to move again and was enrolled in a new school for the third time, but honestly, that wasn't so bad. Unlike grandmother, Jiraiya did have time to help him out with his homework most evenings, which meant that Naruto was making a better impression on his new sensei now.
On days that Jiraiya couldn't be home – because he was an author and while he worked from home mostly, that also meant that sometimes he had to leave for meetings – a pretty girl would be waiting for Naruto, acting as his babysit. She had beautiful short blue hair and she always wore a flower clipped to the side of her head. She would also help him with his homework, remaining just as patient as Jiraiya when Naruto had a hard time understanding the material. Depending on when Jiraiya would come home, she would prepare dinner as well and he had come to love the desserts she made every time then.
Her name was Konan and once her babysitting hours were over, she would get picked up by a red haired guy who drove a motorcycle. One time, when Jiraiya had come home sooner than he'd anticipated, the red haired guy had even let Naruto sit on his motorcycle for a little while! How cool was that?
Starting at a new school also had made it easier somehow to actually make friends now that he was no longer smelling weird or being too dumb. He ended up befriending some guys in his class, but he found his best friend in a quiet, dark haired boy named Uchiha Sasuke. Even at nine years old, Sasuke was already considered to be pretty handsome and he had a lot of fangirls, who tried everything just to catch his attention for even a second.
In spite of his popularity, however, he never acted arrogant and he tended to ignore the girls mostly, pretending like they didn't exist. Naruto thought that was a bit rude at times, but at the same time he also didn't mind it too much, because it meant he and Sasuke had a lot of time to hang out with each other and even though Sasuke was the smartest of their year, he never made Naruto feel stupid.
Well, sometimes he would call Naruto an idiot, but only if Naruto had done something exceptionally dumb, like putting a used eraser on a cracked open door so that their sensei would be covered in chalk once he opened the door. In Naruto's defence, the guy deserved it for always being so late!
Sasuke also never made fun of the fact that Naruto didn't have parents anymore. Some of the girls would at times make snide remarks about that – mainly if Naruto had forgotten to study for a test or to bring something with him that they had been asked to bring – but it was easy to ignore those remarks when Sasuke remained at his side and either Jiraiya or Konan would be waiting at home for him. So he didn't have a conventional family anymore, so what? He was happy with the small family he had created now.
Because Naruto loved to make things difficult for himself, he ended up falling in love with his best friend when they were seventeen. It was so stupid, so damn cliché, crushing on your best friend, but alas, trust Naruto to be that walking cliché.
He hadn't even known when exactly his feelings for the other boy had changed. The change had crept up on him, so it felt like, until one afternoon during one of their study sessions at Sasuke's house, Naruto found himself wondering how it would feel like to lean across the table and kiss him.
That had announced the beginning of a very long period of freaking out in the confines of his bedroom; first trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong, that every guy wondered about kissing their best friend at least once, yeah, of course they did, until reaching the point where he morosely realised, yep, he was fucked.
Completely and utterly fucked.
There was no way he would ever confess his feelings, too worried how that would affect their friendship. He and Sasuke were best friends and he cherished the fact that he was one of the very few who Sasuke actually trusted. He couldn't betray that trust, their friendship, by confessing! He couldn't lose his best friend, not when he was one of the few best things Naruto had in his life.
So he kept quiet about it, pushing his feelings down as far as he could, never showing them. He refused to think about them, because thinking might lead to showing hints, might lead to him being an idiot and deciding that maybe he should confess after all, and no, nope, that wasn't going to happen. He and Sasuke were best friends and that was going to be enough.
That would have to be enough. There was no other option.
Yet his feelings were hard to ignore; always simmering in the back of his mind, flashing up whenever Sasuke smiled or laughed or teased him or god forbid, changed clothes in front of him. Naruto had never been more grateful for his fondness of larger clothes, because they definitely helped him hide the very inappropriate reactions he had around his naked friend. Sometimes Sasuke didn't even need to be naked in order for him to pop a boner, which made him just feel even more pathetic.
Still, he was determined not to confess and to never let it slip what he really felt for Sasuke.
As their graduation drew near, the student council started organising fun stuff, like taking extra pictures for their yearbook and even a box where people could anonymously leave their secrets in.
"Consider it a confessional booth before we start a new chapter in our lives," Ino winked when she placed the box in the alcove next to the main entrance. "Get rid of all your secrets and start anew! Anonymously, of course."
The box made people chuckle and giggle, but it was also quite popular with a lot of the last year students stuffing scraps of paper in it. The reassurance of anonymity made it easier for students to use the box; whether or not they actually confessed serious secrets was of course – well, a secret.
Since realising what he felt for Sasuke, Naruto hadn't told anybody about his crush. His only real friend was Sasuke and that automatically ruled him out, of course. Kiba would be obnoxious about it and might even let it slip on accident because he had such a big mouth. Naruto was definitely not going to tell any of the girls about it, because, he shuddered, just no. That definitely wouldn't be a good idea at all. Jiraiya, while meaning well, would keep pestering him about it, might even try to form it into a story for one of his novels, so he was out too.
But the longer Naruto walked around with the secret, the harder it was to try to ignore it and so, two weeks before their graduation, on his way back from his bathroom break, he stopped in front of the box, glanced furtively around him and then hastily crammed a slip of paper into it before hurrying back to his classroom.
My secret is that I'm in love with my best friend for more than a year now.
The party was in full swing, most of the graduates occupying the dancefloor while the rest of them were keeping to the sides, enjoying the secretly spiked punch and little appetizers, revelling in the fact that they were finally free from the chains of secondary school! In just two weeks they would attend the university or college of their choice, but tonight was all about having fun and celebrating that they were finally done with school.
"So is Itachi still taking you onto that camping trip?" Naruto grinned, bracing his elbows on the small round table he and Sasuke occupied.
The dark haired man groaned, audible even over the music, and scowled. "Yeah, unfortunately. I swear, that bastard just lives to torture me."
Naruto laughed, throwing his head back. "Aw, don't be like that. He loves his little brother so much!" he cooed teasingly, not even flinching when Sasuke kicked his leg. "I bet he's so proud that his little brother graduated finally!"
"Oh fuck you," Sasuke snorted, but the corners of his mouth were pulling up slightly.
The music suddenly lowering made them both turn to the small podium where one of the student council members, Haruno Sakura, their classmate, was tapping on the microphone while another council member was – rolling a projector onto the podium, what the hell?
"Eugh, I swear if we have to look at some stupid class pictures," a girl behind Naruto groaned exasperatedly. "I want to have fun, not look at that crap!"
"I'm happy to see that everyone is enjoying themselves," Sakura said brightly, waving the guy with the projector a bit closer. "Don't worry, I won't keep you from partying for too long." She winked.
"You think she possesses anything else but pink?" Sasuke questioned idly, looking at her bright pink dress. She wore it off her shoulders with matching pink heels giving her some extra height.
Naruto muffled his chuckle behind his hand. Sakura had always been one of the more fanatic fangirls and she had made no secret of the fact that she was annoyed at Naruto taking the best friend spot in Sasuke's life. She probably thought he wasn't good enough for her precious Sasuke-kun because he had no parents and wasn't exactly at the high academical level that Sasuke was either.
He'd learnt to block her out over the years and she in turn had eventually given up on trying to antagonise him. They mostly ignored each other nowadays, which suited the blond just fine.
She really did have a lot of pink clothes, though. And not all of them matched her complexion.
"The confessional box was officially disposed off yesterday, but one secret made us decide that we should do one last good deed before we say goodbye to each other!" she continued, producing a scrap of paper from her mini purse. "After all, we want our fellow students to be happy, so I hope this helps our anonymous person find some happiness in their life tonight!"
With that she placed the paper on the projector, flicked on the screen and –
Showed Naruto's confession on the wall for everyone to see.
Right there, right in front of him, in large letters, his messy handwriting decorated the wall, carving out 'My secret is that I'm in love with my best friend for more than a year now.'
"Does anyone here recognise the handwriting?" Sakura asked cheerfully. "If so, don't be shy, come on!"
She knew.
Heart pounding loudly, sweat breaking out on his forehead and in the back of his neck, he slowly turned his gaze from those damning words in his handwriting to Sakura, who was openly smirking at him; her eyes piercing into his own.
She knew the confession was his. Of course she knew; she recognised his handwriting from all those times she had handed back tests or assignments. She knew it was his secret, knew that Sasuke would definitely recognise that handwriting.
She knew and she had done this anyway. Because making snide remarks about his dead parents, wondering aloud how he managed to pass each year hadn't been enough. No, she had wanted to humiliate him for daring to befriend Sasuke.
And she'd succeeded.
As whispers started to rise up, people outside their class trying to wonder who the paper was talking about, dread filled Naruto's stomach and he felt like he was going to throw up.
He made the mistake of looking at Sasuke. Sasuke, whose eyes were wide with disbelief as he stared at the words boldly projected onto the white wall. Whose lips parted in shock before those dark eyes, still so incredulous, so flat, locked onto Naruto's.
And all Naruto could think of to say before he ran away was, "I'm – I'm sorry, Sasuke. Fuck, I'm sorry."
Then he ran, past giggling girls and guffawing guys, burning with humiliation.
In the end it seemed like all he could do was apologise for being such an utter disappointment.
AN2: I don't hate Tsunade, but alcohol and grief is a dangerous combination. Hope this wasn't too awful! The next part should hopefully be posted very soon! Now I'm off to bed because I had a shit day.
Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
I hope to see you all back in the next part! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves!
Cuddles
Melissa
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