Sin | By : kiyasama Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1571 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Notes: *bows to you obsessivexmuch* Thank you! Thank you! so much for the kind words! I am actually already a published author, and just in case you haven't checked out my website, you can try http://www.kiyasama.com/publishings to see my stuff. I'm just incredibly lazy when it comes to working with editors and meeting deadlines. I usually like to work at my own pace *lol* And thank you as well, Mija! Sorry, you couldn't post your comments here, but I still appreciated it all the same! (((hugs))) And now...enjoy! Since it's only two of you reading apparently. XD
Chapter 07:
Collision
The troubled waters
are frozen fast.
Under clear heaven
moonlight and shadow
ebb and flow.
- Murasaki Shikibu
Voices drifted in and out of my consciousness like gentle tidal waves with its constant ebb and flow. They made little to no sense to me; those snatches of conversation, but at least they let me know that I was still alive…still breathing…still existing…barely… “…looks half-dead…” “…why bother? Just let him die…” “…no one come in here, damn it…” “…not a hotel! He’s one of us…!” “…get out of here!” I was burning with a fever that seemed to emanate from deep within my bones. It was like being dipped into a roaring furnace and, every now and then, wrenched back to reality with the sensation of something cool and soothing against my flesh. Those didn’t always work though, for the fever would return with a vengeance soon after. Tongue heavy, mouth dry…Hell really was a terrible place, and I was sure the Devil was having his way dancing all over me and laughing in delight at my suffering - “…still running a fever…” “…gave him the medication as I instructed?” “…all of them…” “Pfft. Don’t understand why you’re still bothering with him…” “…can’t just let him die…” “He’s just about dead anyway.” “You’re a fucking doctor, aren’t you?” “You watch how you speak to me, you bastard. I didn’t have to come down here, you know.” “…my apologies…” Sigh. “…these twice a day…apply these ones on the wounds…not guaranteeing it makes a difference…” “…thanks…” “…slows down his eventual death anyway…” “Why do you have to be so damn negative? Some doctor you are…” “This is the last time I wander into this cesspool of sin…!” The voices kept rising; like a married couple, grasping at straws, with no solution in sight. Ah, arguing about somebody who’s dying, eh? Poor sap. It couldn’t possibly be me. I was still here…still alive…still breathing…still existing…barely… “…take it easy…not a sack of potatoes…” “…nearly two weeks…the guy’s gatta wake up some time…” “…went through a lot more than you did…” “So what? Why’s he getting special treatment?” “…” “See? Even you can’t answer that…!” “Some people…are…” “Whatever. I ain’t sharing my space with him…” “Jesus! Have a fucking heart!” “No way! What’s he got that I ain’t…” “He is scheduled for Gudan.” “…” “…” “…maybe he’s better off dying now…” “Would be the best thing…” “Don’t talk like that…” Gudan. That lone word sparked something deep within me; a feeling so intense it felt as if I had been slammed into a brick wall. Gudan. Gudan. Gudan. The monotonous chant by disembodied voices had me struggling to breathe. I felt trapped all of a sudden; felt as if an elephant was sitting on my chest and wouldn’t allow me to take in the air I so desperately needed. I was in a claustrophobic cage with its walls closely in on me rapidly, when suddenly…from the darkness above…that face appeared; that bald-headed, greasy, smelly fat-ass who…who… “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGH!!!!” “Whoa!” “Hold him down! Hold him down goddamnit!” “What the fuck is wrong with him?!” “I don’t know…just hold him steady!” “What’s that…?!” “A shot…Kabuto said to give it to him when he gets like this…” “OW! Holy shit! My eye! Bastard kicked me in the eye!” “Grab his legs too!” My eyes were open, but I could not see. I was still in that damn cage, begging, pleading, desperate to be released. I felt the hands upon me – so many of them - and I cringed in revulsion and dread. To me they all felt like the slimy hands of that fat slob. They all smelled like him. They were all miniature versions of him. They were all going to do that thing again and again and again and again until…until… “Fuck! My nooobse! He brode mah nobse!” “Goddamnit, Naruto! Calm the fuck down!” “Man, he’s so fucking strong!” “Hold him down…I got it. I got it…here we go…!” I barely felt the tiny prick of the needle being jabbed into my upper thigh, but the effect was immediate all the same. The sudden claustrophobic/panic attack was slowly being replaced by a languid stupor that had my lashes growing heavier with each passing second. I welcomed the fog that clouded my vision and my mind, and before long, I was pleasantly numb all over…numb but still alive…still breathing…still existing…barely…
“You’re late, little brother.” I looked up with surprise; having to blink rapidly to be sure I wasn’t see things, but no…he was still here in the flesh with hardly a blemish on his body. He pulled out his gold lighter and cupping his fingers around the flame, lit the cigarette which had been dangling from the corner of his mouth. Always so cool…even in death… “Don’t just stand there like a goddamn idiot, Fox Boy. Come closer.” This is a dream… I assumed it was a dream, but if it was, it felt too damn real. I could feel the night air nipping at my skin, could smell the salt water from the sea marred only by the ships and boats anchored by the piers. The docks were busy tonight with new shipments coming in and fishermen hauling in their catches of the day. I rubbed my nose and sniffled before sitting beside him on an overturned wooden crate, and together we watched the night lights dance over the gentle waters in companionable silence. Nothing but a dream… “So…” He finally asked after what seemed like an eternity. “How’s that girlfriend of yours?” I stole a glance at him with a horrified expression, wondering if he was fucking around with me. I expected to see him smirking, but his gaze was still trained on the ships in the distance; his visage not giving anything away. Was he being serious? Had he forgotten that he shot her in cold blood?! What kind of game was he trying to play here? Feeling my anger well up at the memory, I opened my mouth to remind him of exactly ‘how she was doing’, when my lips parted to form the words, “She’s doing great. She’s still got the flu though, but she says she might be better this weekend. We’re going to see that new movie that just came out…it should cheer her up.” Huh? What? What was I talking about? Sakura was dead! Dead! And yet here I was acting as if this was just another day in - “She seems like a good girl,” Kojima agreed with a playful wink in my direction. “She is a good girl,” I insisted. “The best.” And you took her away from me. He chuckled and flicked some ash away; making sure they didn’t fall on his white suit. “Whatever you say, Fox Boy.” “I hate when you call me that,” I mumbled. Fully expecting him to laugh and ruffle my hair as he always did, I found myself squirming a little in discomfort when he only gave me a long and thoughtful look. “…really have no idea, do you?” he finally muttered with a light shake of his head. “Have no idea about what?” Without warning, he reached out to cup my chin hard, turning my face this way and that as if examining something. I didn’t want to tell him that his grip was hurting me or that my neck felt like it was going to be ripped out soon, so I simply settled for swallowing tightly and hoping he wouldn’t crack any bone by accident. “Where did you say you were born again?” came the random question. What the hell was this all about? “Shikoku,” I replied or tried to considering my neck was still being stretched. “Shikoku…” he mumbled, and then thankfully released me as if discarding something suddenly revolting. I coughed and rubbed my aching neck, wondering if I was going to be abused anymore tonight, but he was back to watching the ships with that same cryptic expression on his visage. A sudden gust of wind had me pulling the flaps of my jacket tighter around me. I wanted to go back to my apartment, but I had a feeling Kojima wasn’t quite done with me yet. “Ever wondered why I joined the syndicate, Naruto?” he eventually asked just as the loud blast of a ship’s horn echoed around us. “…to make money?” I suggested hopefully. Why else would anyone want to join such a thing in the first place? “Even better. I wanted the fame, fortune, and the women.” “Ah.” Why else? He took a final drag of his cigarette before crushing it beneath his polished leather shoe. “I got the money and women part at least…not so much fame.” He gave a bitter laugh and dug into his jacket for something…which would turn out to be his pistol; his treasured Beretta 92FS, which he had nicknamed ‘Sugar’. “Know how many men Sugar has made love to, Naruto?” I shook my head. Did I even want to know? It looked like the same gun he had used on Sakura, and this knowledge made me sick to my stomach. I wanted to vomit, but I held it in and tried to even my breathing. “Even I’ve lost count,” he replied with a smirk. “Ya know…I figured that was the way it worked. The more you kill…the higher up you go…the more respect you got, but look at me…” He twirled the gun around a finger. “Joined when I was just out of high school…almost fifteen years later…whatta I got to show for it? I’m still a two-bit thug in their eyes.” He spat and laughed bitterly. Couldn’t believe I was beginning to feel a little sorry for the guy. Maybe he should have tried another line of work. “I killed my first man when I was ten years old,” he revealed with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Went into his bedroom…dug around in his dresser…found his Smith and Wesson and…pow!” He held out his arms with a finger on the trigger as if about to shoot at a passing fishing boat. “Walked into the bedroom where he was fucking my older sister and shot him between the eyes.” Yikes. “Your sister’s boyfriend?” “Nah…my old man.” I felt even sicker to my stomach. Maybe not so much at the idea of him killing his father, but that his father had been sleeping around with his…older sister? How disgusting was that? “Sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do, Naruto. Sometimes…” He reached out for my hand and slapped the gun on my palm as if trying to give me a gift of some sort. He forced me to wrap my fingers around the handle, and to my chagrin made me point it squarely at his forehead. Immediately, my fingers began to slack off as panic seized me. Though I had killed him once, in this moment, I felt as if I had never actually used a gun before. The weapon felt heavy and clumsy within my grip, and the knowledge that a bullet could go off at any minute and lodge itself within his brain, made my eyes water. “…sometimes,” Kojima whispered with a feverish intensity to match the expression in those black eyes. “You’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do to survive, Naruto. Live by the gun...die by the gun.” “I don’t…” “All you have to do is pull the trigger, Fox Boy.” “I can’t…” I begged in a pained whisper. “Yes, you can. You have to, Naruto. It’s in your blood!” No! I am not a killer! I cannot kill! “I will teach you how to become a killer…like you were born to be.” No! No! No! No! I wanted this nightmare to stop. I wanted him to stop saying those words to me, and yet the more he spoke… “…the blood of your ancestors…those who created us…made us what we are today…it will always be in you…” …the more I felt it; that familiar calm that had come over me the moment I pulled the trigger in his apartment. It was that same icy, calculated motion that had made the gunshot to his heart hit with such pinpoint accuracy. Considering I had only had a day of lessons in that warehouse - and I only managed to make two decent shots out of all the bottles and cans he had laid out for me - it really was a miracle I killed him with a single bullet. “Luck…” I moaned in misery. “That’s all it was…pure luck.” But Kojima’s grin widened to reveal those perfect white teeth now stained with thick globs of blood which slowly began to dribble down his chin. “Luck? I think not,” the new version of Kojima laughed in unbridled amusement. “You are, my dear Uzumaki Naruto, a natural born killer.” It’s about time you embraced it…
NO! My lashes flew open as I sat up with a loud gasp. I felt drenched; feverish yet cold as I struggled to make sense of my surroundings. The feeling of wetness came from my sweat dampening the plain gray yukata I was wearing, and the chill was from the open wooden windows beside and above me. Wait…what? Am I back in…ouch! My hands quickly moved to my left ribs to control the shot of pain that had raced up to my brain with the sudden movement. It was clear that my numbness was slowly easing away, and I was back to being plagued with aches and pains inflicted by my stay…there. Swallowing the bitter taste that rose to my mouth, I moved gingerly on the thin mattress to survey my surroundings. For one thing, I was no longer underground – thank God – and I had to admit sucking in breaths of the cool night air was wonderful compared to dealing with the musty, dank stench of rocks and stones. I was in a small room – well more like a closet space. There was nothing in here besides the mattress, the tatami mats and my window…and of course the screen door leading to whatever was out there. Where was I exactly? Was this another step in the Gudan process? Were you allowed to stay in this closet until then? I had been made to believe that I was doomed to remain below ground until my time was up. So why was I here? Things just weren’t making any sense. Debating between opening the door and peering out the window, I settled for looking out the window first…if I could move that is. My body was still in agony and the medication that someone had given me earlier had just about worn off. Biting my lower lip to control any sound I was likely to make, I rose to my knees – nearly fell with the intense wave of dizziness that overwhelmed me, paused, and counted to ten before trying again. I still had to steady myself against the wall, but with some effort, I finally managed to get high enough for my head to peek over the ledge warily. Hmm. There was another town house directly across me…and several others all shackled together to resemble a typical narrow street in town. In fact, you could very well assume it was a real town though it was in the dead of night and no one was walking around except for a black dog fast asleep on a bench. To the east were more of the houses, while the west had the view of the administrative buildings and the temple. Beyond that, I could see the haunting silhouettes of the mountains and a hard lump formed in my throat. I guess it finally hit me that I was going to die in this place; that even though I had my ‘freedom’, this would be the last time I’d ever get to see Nature’s beauty as it was meant to be. I slumped back down to the floor in defeat and raised my knees to my chest to bury my face against them. Every ache and pain I experienced only did more to bring back the memories of my hours and days spent in that hell. Coupled with my weird dream of Kojima, I was beginning to feel mingled emotions of despair, helplessness, bitterness and that solid forming mass called hate – all over again. I knew I had done some bad things in my life, but was it worth me being abused like that? Was it worth being violated in the worst way possible? I could almost laugh at the notion of considering myself lucky he hadn’t actually decided to go the extra step in his violation by actually sticking his dick inside me. Lucky? Yep. I sure was one lucky bastard. /Luck? I think not, my dear Uzumaki Naruto./ I shuddered at the watery voice of Kojima filtering into my ears and squeezed my eyes shut. I did not understand what his words had meant. That I was a ‘natural born killer’? Was that supposed to be an insult? Or praise? Then why did he smile when you shot him? Remember what he said to you? “I knew you had it in you.” So did that make him right? Did Kojima know something that I didn’t? I raised my hands in the dully lit room (thanks to the moon’s glow) and eyed my hands. These large, grimy, blood-stained hands. Were they really made for the gun? To kill others? No…to protect others. Wasn’t that why I wanted to become an elite watchdog in the first place? Hadn’t their motto been to protect and serve? Wasn’t that all it was? To see the smiles on people’s faces as they thanked me for rescuing them? To be recognized by others and to be seen as someone worth admiring in society? “Hah…haha…hahahahahaha!” I really hadn’t expected to burst into such cynical laughter, but there it was before I could control myself. It bubbled up within me, and I couldn’t shut up. I pounded my fist on the mat and nearly doubled over with my bitter mirth. So much for being an elite officer. If elite officers were like the ones I had seen so far, in Byaku-Shinkyou, well…they could all take their goddamn badges and shove it up their asses. In fact, I think I will do that when I seek revenge on this place. Make them all bend over and shove their badges right up their anuses until it bled and they begged for mercy. For the Fat Slob, I’d stick it so far up his ass, he’d be kissing my fingers and then when it was that snobbish captain Sasukewhatever’s turn, I’d make him lick the very floor I walk on before – The door to my closet space suddenly slid open to reveal a still slightly-sleepy but annoyed Shikamaru. “Shsssh,” he hissed with a finger to his lips and a quick glance behind him. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Somehow seeing him with his hair down – which made him look like a girl – got the laughter welling up again. I would have pointed that out to him, when the sudden sensation of his hand against my mouth… (can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe! Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me! Don’t fucking touch me!) …erased the laughter immediately as I slapped it away with more venom than necessary. He must have seen something in my eyes because, instead of getting pissed off for what I did, he only held his hand to his chest and nodded softly as if in understanding. “It’s okay, Naruto. I’m sorry, all right?” he muttered. “I won’t…won’t do that again, but you’ve got to keep your voice down. There are others here you know.” Others? What others? As if reading my thoughts, he moved aside a little to reveal the room behind him. Ah…those others. There were about thirty futons in the large room and each was occupied by a man dressed in the now familiar drab yukatas. They were all fast asleep; some in some rather interesting positions – with legs and arms flailing all over the place, some snoring, some drooling, and one or two who seemed more content sleeping while sitting up. I couldn’t see an empty futon which must have belonged to Shikamaru, and the question must have been in my eyes because he shrugged lightly. “I sleep by the door,” he explained with a gentle tap. “To keep an eye on you.” “Why?” I raised a brow and tried to tone down my sarcasm. “So I wouldn’t run away? So they sic Mommy Shikamaru on me?” “You ungrateful fucktard,” he cursed softly. “You know how much trouble you’ve put me through since we’ve been here?” “So why did you bring me here if I was going to cause so much trouble, Mom? You should have left me back down there to die.” I huffed and lay back down; turning away from him to pull the thin blanket over me. I knew I was being an asshole, but I honestly didn’t give a fuck right now. My bitterness was still acidic on my tongue. “Maybe I should have left you to die,” Shikamaru agreed without preamble. “Maybe it would have been better.” I grunted and said nothing; though I was holding my breath and waiting for him to leave me alone again. However, I didn’t hear the sound of the door closing and wondering if he had fallen asleep in position, I glanced over my shoulder to see him still kneeling there. He wasn’t looking at me though, but did have his arms crossed on his chest; his expression thoughtful as if admiring the tatami mats. “You’ve been in here for almost three weeks,” Shikamaru finally said quietly. Three…three weeks?! “For three weeks, I’ve had to do this shitty job of being your bodyguard,” he continued in that same quiet tone. “Three weeks of cleaning up after you, feeding you, bathing you, shaving you, tending to your wounds, making sure these guys…” He nodded to the sleeping men. “…didn’t kick you out because they thought you were getting special treatment, and generally trying to convince myself that maybe that nice guy I met that first night was still in there somewhere.” He finally looked up to meet my gaze; his eyes dark and inscrutable. “Guess not.” Ouch. “I’m not going to sit here and assume that what you went through wasn’t hell, Naruto. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you put all my hard work to waste.” Huh? What’s he getting upset about? I’m the one who should be…! “You think remaining in here and sulking is going to solve anything?” he hissed. Yep. He was definitely pissed about something, and I had the feeling it wasn’t just at me. “You’re relatively well enough to walk around,” he continued. “But I’ve lied and bought you at least one more week of recovery time. That’s a whole month of being pampered by yours truly. If it wasn’t for Asuma telling me to do this, goodness knows I’d have other things to deal with.” Who the hell is Asuma? “Bottom line, when your week is up, you’re on kitchen duty – just about the only thing you can do until you’re at least ninety-percent or completely healed.” “Kitchen…?” “Yes. Scrubbing, cleaning, and serving…that sort of thing. It’s the easiest job I could lobby for you. That or you would have been working at the hills digging up rocks for another of Lord Orochimaru’s grand buildings.” “Oh…” “So do us all a favor…no…do me a favor and get over it as best you can. It sucks, but life goes on. Your life goes on…at least until…you know. Either way, while you’re technically ‘out’, you might as well make the best of it. Get to know the layout of the place, make friends, know your enemies and all that shit. Who knows? If you kiss the asses of the right people, they might forget all about Gudan eventually.” Yeah right, still… “Fair enough,” I shrugged lightly. “Then I can come back and finish up a few things.” He raised a brow, but didn’t seem all surprised at my clipped words. “You and a bunch of others,” he finally said with a small smirk. “If I had a yen for every time I’ve heard a sinner vow to wreck their revenge on this place…I’d be a fucking billionaire by now.” He snorted and slid the door shut before I could get another word in, though his muted voice filtered through. “Get some sleep and don’t try to be too active or they’ll find out and kick you outta here earlier than you should. Got it?” “Yes, sir.” His low chuckle brought a weak smile to my face, but his words did give me food for thought as I snuggled back beneath my blanket to glare at the wall before me. Get over it? Hardly likely. Know the layout of the place? Make a few friends? That was definitely a plan. If the others who had tried to destroy Byaku-Shinkyou hadn’t succeeded over the years, then it was time to change the pattern. I would be the one to make a difference, and if I was deciphering the meaning behind Shikamaru’s words, I had the feeling even he wanted me to succeed. I knew my time was limited, but I was determined to make the best of it. I won’t let you down, I vowed as my lashes slowly began to get heavier with weariness. Don’t you worry, Shikamaru. One day…it will all come to an end.
Sasuke:
Naruto:
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