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schedule
September 17, 2015 at 12:00 AM
I liked this but I'd do anything to have more
schedule
October 14, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Okay, so, I like the story, so far, and your way of writting is kind of hard to read (well, hard compared to other fanfics) but it's cool.
The thing that's kind of eeek (couldn't find the right word here) is some of the wocabulary you use. Simple eyes and lips would probably pass a lot better. It would make the style slightly less... Formal, and it's be more comprehensible, and would probably make it more real.
Because seriously. Who thinks orbs when they look at someone's eyes.
So, I really like this start of the story. I'll be looking out for more!
XD LANE
The thing that's kind of eeek (couldn't find the right word here) is some of the wocabulary you use. Simple eyes and lips would probably pass a lot better. It would make the style slightly less... Formal, and it's be more comprehensible, and would probably make it more real.
Because seriously. Who thinks orbs when they look at someone's eyes.
So, I really like this start of the story. I'll be looking out for more!
XD LANE