Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Sin

By : kiyasama

From satterb on May 04, 2013
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I have missed this story soooo much. I read and re-read this update which explains the delay in reviewing. I'm glad Naruto could do what he had to do and not beat himself up too much over being unfaithful to Sasuke. I really can't wait to see these two together again, but not looking forward to seeing this story come to an end. I look forward to the next update. Take care.
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From scarywoman on May 01, 2013
your back(applause and a room full of screaming yaoi fangirls). this chapter made the long wait worth it. but about that naruto sasuke comment about them not being together is sacrilege. they are together or die in each others arms while confessing their eternal love.and give haku a boyfriend( he needs one). and please have the pedophile( aka orochimaru) have a bloody and violent death at that hands of everyone he victimized. meaning no quick death.
other then that please update sooner then last time. peace
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From ANON - sadie237 on May 01, 2013
Babygirl you were on point with this action packed chapter! From stared to finish it was so intense wOw!! I loved it!!! Naruto had to do everything he did. Sasuke will understand sense the guy is dead now. Which might be the only reason he'll understand:) The two ninjas working with Shika was oh so cool. I just loved it all ^_^
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From ANON - Naiika on April 06, 2013
Whew! I've FINALLY made it through the story so far! I sure hope you are still writing this. I love the character development, and the pulling in of so many characters you only see in a few episodes, and give them a new life. I like where you've taken Sasuke and Naruto. I really hope you have a good plan for sweet Haku, he has always been one of my favorites.
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From ANON - corgigrape on March 18, 2013
Congrats on passing your nursing exams! I'm glad you are okay, I've been wondering if you had a medical or family emergency, etc. I've forgotten much of what has happened, but I still will wait for the next chapters and I do hope you finish it, you've put in so much work. Someday I want to re-read it from the beginning.
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From satterb on March 18, 2013
Congratulations on passing your exam! I am phlebotomist, and would NEVER want to be a nurse! LOL so good luck to you! (I think it is too demanding and too thankless, so I have all the respect in the world for you) I will wait for you as long as it takes to see this story to it's glorious end. Many times I have thought about you and I feel bad that I didn't take the time to send a note through review to cheer you on. Thank you so much for not forgetting about us, but I didn't think you would because this is clearly a labor of love. There's just too much heart, soul and blood poured in to think you could ever leave it. Real life sometimes gets in the way, so just take your time and do what you need to do to get back in the proverbial saddle. Love you and look forward to more.
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From ANON - sweatdalve on March 16, 2013
HEYYY YOU,

Been reading Sin since yesterday and I must say, I was hooked from Chapter 1. Thought I ought to leave you my compliments before proceeding to RE-READ my favourite past chapters. To say the plot development is astounding would be an incredible understatement. The build up (ermahgawd SO MUCH TENSION) from the get-go until Naruto and Sasuke finally (FINALLY!) began to have more interactions was what killed me; and then you went and had Sasuke grow into this wonderful adorkable crazy-in-love character and I came back to life in an instant. Your Naruto was a joy to behold as well, magnificent and forgiving (AND ATTA-BOY MAKING SASUKE YOUR LITTLE BITCH KEKEKE). The other characters are also brilliant as hell, especially Haku and Shikamaru. I probably should have left you reviews for every chapter (seeing as they were all so well-written and GODDAMN AWESOME) but I hope this one will suffice.

Please continue to enchant us with this amazing story,
EAGERLY AWAITING MORE LIKE THE LITTLE SKANK I AM,
sweatdalove
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From ANON - corgigrape on October 31, 2012
I still love this story! Although I didn't like the last chapter as much; the idea of a war feels odd to me since they seem more like a guerrilla group fighting small scale battles to me; I guess I just pictured a raid on Byaku Shinkyou and not much else, if that makes any sense. I wish you could publish this story, because I would definitely buy it! Maybe as a free PDF to get around copyright? I am wondering though, what happened to Sasuke's ability to "sense" personality types/intentions with his eyes? His good vision came up in the last chapter, but his other eye condition doesn't seem to have added much to the story, unless it will make an appearance in later chapters. I liked scenes with Onoki and the one where Naruto listens to Sasuke's voice recording. I hope your nursing exams went well!
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From ANON - Anon on October 24, 2012
I've been reading this story since the beginning and I have to say, it's really one of the most compelling and well developed pieces of fanfic I think I've ever read. I got a little worried during the long break so I am Very glad you are back. I can't wait to see how the story progresses. Even if I never review again, I am loving each of the chapters that you write.
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From satterb on October 23, 2012
Please don't let anything happen to Sasuke (on knees begging!) Naruto would be devastated! Why is it that just when I hate, hate, hate, Kimmimaro so much, that I begin to feel sorry for him. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. Only have love and adoration for the latest update and as always, I look forward to the next. Your faithful reader...Satterb
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From ANON - Tekla on October 23, 2012
I...just...wow, this story is amazing. It's taken me a couple of weeks to read, and I really appreciate that in that time another two chapters were posted. Are you planning to wrap it up soonish?

I think what I like the most is how much the characters read like real people -- not just in terms of personalities and how they interact, but in terms of actually having some common sense. There were a couple of times where I was sure a conflict was going to remain unresolved for chapters, but then characters actually had a conversation like rational adults! *swoons* Even more than that, the characters are all different and all flawed, and they grow and change organically. Sasuke's development in particular was fascinating. I love that he was able to gradually let go of his rigid spirituality once he didn't need it to protect himself from Orochimaru. I think my favorite moment in the fic so far was when Sasuke apologized to Shikamaru and Temari. I think I might have actually applauded :)

In terms of constructive criticism/editing, there really aren't a whole lot of errors considering the size of the piece. The most common are probably the misuse of 'literally' (by English teacher standards, not by slang standards, so I don't know if you really want to change it) and using 'I' instead of 'me' in "X and me/I" phrases. The easiest way to get the latter right is to quickly think through the sentence without one of the people, e.g. "He and I went running" --> "He went running"/"I went running" or "Bob went running with her and me" --> "Bob went running with her"/"Bob went running with me". TLDR, the groupings are we/he/she/I and us/him/her/me.

A couple of tiny nitpicky things I noticed.

1) I think it was Chapter 37 where Naruto is using an elevator, the level numbering skipped 13. In Japan, it would have skipped 4 (and sometimes all numbers including 4), because the words 'four' and 'death' are homophonic in Japanese and so 4 is considered unlucky.

2) Wouldn't have noticed if I didn't have a serious thing for sharpshooter characters, but the sniper distances mentioned in earlier chapters were flat-out absurd. The world record for longest confirmed sniper kill is just over 1.5 miles, and that was made in 2009. Competitive long range shooting caps out at 1000 yards. Modern rifles and scopes are far more accurate than those of a decade or two ago (most of the top records were made in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan), and keep in mind that for most people standing on ground level, the /horizon/ is less than 3 miles away (it hits 3 miles at 2 meters, or about 6'7").

Though as I said, these are all pretty tiny nitpicks and not really worth bothering about unless you're planning to do a full edit when you post to your website or something.
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From ANON - sadie237 on October 22, 2012
When I clicked on and seen 'Sin' a smile just spread across my face:) I couldn't wait to see what you had for us! Babygirl it's amazing!! Some of the rookie nine was there on the train. My heart broke when Orochimaru told Kimimoro to kill his lover. Yea he's a mad man! You 'strategically' left out that answer this time:) Plus bring Gaarra in I love it! What you did with him was so fitting. Did you hear the fangirl squeal:) I loved it all!! The plans are in motion now. I'm on the edge of my seat! Oh I can't forget to tell you I enjoy how you did the news when the council man was found dead. That was nice then Shika folded up his news paper:) *Pure pleasure reading for me* See you next time ^_^
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From vernajast on October 17, 2012
Stopping again to review! :) I LOVE that Itachi and Shisui are together. I actually got that impression earlier, but it was only a fleeting thought, something about the way Shisui and Itachi interacted. I think it's great. It's kinda beautiful and poetic, and will probably be absorbed into my headcanon.

Still loving your story!
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From vernajast on October 16, 2012
This seemed as good a place as any to pause and comment. :) I am obsessively reading your story--on bus rides, in trains, after work, in every second I can spare. It's an amazing read and sure to become one of my all-time favorites. I love the chemistry between characters (there are people interacting here who never really have in canon and I find myself convinced that you have understood Kishimoto-sensei's intentions very well, depicting their interactions very realistically). Like other readers, I had a moment in which Shisui/Haku did actually cross my mind. Respect forged in battle, that sort of thing. ;P

I love the way Naruto and Sasuke have bonded over time and it is just as explosive and reactive as canon. I like Asuma's duty of watching over Sasuke, Itachi's reluctance to reveal himself, Minato's role in the past, and Naruto's connection to all of these proceedings he isn't even aware of. Naturally, I'm quite sad to think of Kushina being sick and alone. :/ And Sasuke having grow up under constant threat of assault by Orochimaru. It's difficult to correct coping mechanisms and defense measures after so many years, so I'm very interested to see if/how this becomes romantic between Naruto and Sasuke. Both have...trauma related to rape/attempted rape and homosexuality. (But as a fangirl, of course, I must believe that they can heal one another, because in truth their relationship has always been something altogether unique to /them/ and not to be understood by normal rules and expectations).

It's all very intriguing and I read each chapter with my heart in my throat, stomach dropping at all the twists and violence and terrible ordeals they've been subjected to. I look forward to reading more, but I'm equally sad to think I might catch up to you. I hope writing is going well. There are definitely readers out here. Thanks for building such a rich story!
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From vernajast on October 07, 2012
Oh. Wow. This is just what I was looking for. My only regret is that it's not complete yet, and I rarely start incomplete stories because I tend to read faster than they're posted (I'm also rather impatient). That said, I must continue reading. Your style is very easy to follow and draws the reader along. It's rich in historical tidbits, but manages to grab the feel of Naruto (as you said, old mixed with new) and the whole thing seems very familiar and comfortable. I'm rather intrigued about the plot, the characterizations, etc., all of which make me want to see what happens next as soon as possible!

I stumbled upon your story today when you uploaded the latest chapter, so I dropped it in my "read later" folder. I'm very happy that I did! I look forward to reading the rest of the story and eventually getting to the end of what promises to be an epic journey. Thanks for writing it! And good luck finishing!
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