Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Reviews for Below Zero

By : Trollmia

From NarutoVixin on December 23, 2009
not bad a bit ruff but still not bad not even any of my tales are as smooth as this one
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From ANON - Teebiri on August 26, 2009

The first chaoter is pretty mind capturing.
A few miss spelled words here and there and its a bit OOC but I like it so far.
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From ANON - joe on January 26, 2009
I was kind of surprised that you didn't have a fight with enemies in konoha trying to get to naru/sasu/baby. with 2 of the 3 legendary sannin there to protect and fight-would've been cool. why did jarayia show up out of nowhere. he wasn't summoned he didn't know there was trouble, etc.
the best part of this chapter was what you did with gaara and hinata. hinata's strategy to fight itachi and her and gaara working in unison_i think it was the smartest and most realistic. throughout the story so far-the interactions with gaara and hinata have been the most realistic. good work
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From ANON - joe on January 26, 2009
kiba was disturbed by the scent of cum-he's a cocksucker himself-makes no sense-unless he was trying to fight off a growing arousal by the scent of it-that would make more sense_especially since his shino wasn't here with him. their lives are in danger yet they don't go to a more secure location and they're having sex in the bathroom-that's kind of illogical. and some of them are drinking alcohol-are you trying to make it easy for them to get caught off guard and killed? the attack at the mist village: they knew their teachers were in the mountain; so why didn't gaara just bury the whole mist village under the sand-erase the threat now and forever more. why did you bother with saving the houses? the people could be hiding in the houses and get away that way. you wrote that neji and hinata couldn't see through rock at long distances; but you didn't have them look through it once they were right up next to the mountain. liked the way you described gaara's power. liked shika's commanding presence. but the plot holes i mention in your story aren't any worse than the ones in the real naruto anime_so don't take it badly. can't make everything that easy otherwise there would be no point i suppose.
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From ANON - joe on January 26, 2009
while shika and hokage were dancing you said he was a head taller than her and her breasts were against his abs. But when he had a meeting with her in the office you wrote that she hugged him and his face was planted right inbetween her breasts_did he suddenly grow or did the hokage drop the 30 year old appearance of her boobs while dancing and it was her 60 year old sagging boobs that were against his abdomen? what will shika think about her when he sees the 60 year old hokage-or will she not let him see. how deluded is she to think that she was only 11 years older than shika because she 'appeared' to be a 30 year old and shika is 19. the 'reality' is that she's 60 and he's 19_that's 41 years older--yuck. interesting chapter-thought it was disappointing that you only briefly mentioned kiba/shino. you had time to have naru give sasu a blow job in a booth but you couldn't mention kiba and shino dancing or even being recognized by any others except for naru and sasu. i mentioned earlier that your ability to write 'emotion' was good_you also do erotic pretty well too. no one knowing where the hokage was is kind of like no one knowing where the president was. the most important individual in the village should always have someone be able to reach her in case of emergencies or war or something.
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From ANON - joe on January 26, 2009
i remembered one more think about the shika/tsunade chapter. you had tsunade tell shika that kyuubi was using naruto as a vessel to carry HER kit. that makes it sound like the demon was having her own baby_when it's really sasuke and naruto's baby. what if shika had taken that information wrong and told others that naruto was pregnant with the spawn of kyuubi? you also had kiba tell choji classified information about the possibility of an oncoming war-i thought ninja were supposed to be able to keep secrets-even away from their friends.
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From ANON - joe on January 26, 2009
I've been enjoying most of your story. You do well with writing and conveying the emotions of humor and passion and love. This is such an old story; I wasn't going to bother to comment-thinking that you have moved well past this-if you even remember it or even stil get notices of reviews. But this chapter was freaky-so I was compelled to. The idea of the Hokage and Shikamaru together? Eww, Yuck, Gross, etc...She's old enough to be his grandmother. And the scene between Shika, Saku, and Naru was so awkward. The only items in this chapter that seemed necessary were that shika report to the hokage so that he learns about Naru and Sasu (but then again_it's not her business telling others about Naru and Sasu's personal relationship-regardless of her reasons_if Naru and Sasu want others to know_they should get to decide who they tell and who they don't), that we learned shino and kiba are together_and that info was small enough to be put into another chapter. I just can't wrap my head around why you would want to put the hokage and shika together_so, so gross. The gaara and hinata stuff is really cute. the kank and ten-ten stuff was cute and humorous. Like I said_most of the story is good. It's been very entertaining and enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing the story.
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From OokamiYoukai on January 23, 2009
Great story!! I really loved this!!
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From ANON - Naru on June 26, 2008
Tack s� j�ttemycket f�r den h�r fanficen, den var verkligen j�ttebra, och jag b�rjar gr�ta till slutet :')

// Thank you so much for this fanfic, it was really good! I cried in the end :')
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From Vague on February 28, 2008
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From AcaciaJules on February 20, 2008
Re: CH 15
How pregnant is Naruto supposed to be? Because even at three months, the waist line might have thickened a little, but there wouldn't be a bump yet. The smallest bulge will develop during the 4th, and grow progressively from there. But the majority of the growth happens in the 8th, and especially the 9th month. That is when the fetus truly grows to normal size. Before that, the cell processes are mainly concentrated in growing organs, body parts, veins, and things.
Babies born in the seventh month will usually be a pound or two, compared to the 7-9 lb babies that come out at the full 40-week term. (yes, human pregnancy actually lasts 10-months, not the nine everyone's come to believe)
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From AcaciaJules on February 20, 2008
RE: Chapter 14. Um, eeewwwwwwww!!! That's a 40-year age difference, AT LEAST! Icky! That's just disgusting. And yes, I would say the same thing if it was a 18-year-old girl, and an over 50 man. In fact, I believe it's more like 50yr age difference! *shudder*
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From ANON - a kitsunes light on January 01, 2008
Well yeah, it was unexpected all the shikamaru/tsunade thing, but I liked it, and somehow it makes sense because shika is the most intelligent of them all, so you could say maybe he is the more mature and besdt for her.
Well sorry for reviewing so soon I was gonna do it when I finished reading but this was just too much, sorry but I needed to say something!ahah
ByeTHANKS A LOT I LOVE THE STORY!!!!!!!!!!1
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From Gwyllion on December 22, 2007
Just wanted to let you know that I'm re-reading this beautiful fic for the 3rd time and fell in love with it all over again. Sasuke's obsession with Naruto's belly is quite addicting and so sweet. This is def a huge fav out of a lot of the fics I had read in the past and will be read again in the future. Once again, thank you for writing this awesome fic! I had forgotten that you were the same person at Y! :D
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From ANON - Anon on November 16, 2007
Very cute story!
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