Do you ever?

BY : Tellkalia
Category: Naruto > General
Dragon prints: 1135
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Title: Do you ever
Author: Me…Tellkalia
Notes: Don’t know how I did it; don’t know how well I did it. Please let me know.
~blah~ Poem //blah// thoughts
Disclaimer: I really wish I could say the characters are mine. But they aren’t. The poem however, is. Don’t let the first chapter fool you; this will eventually have a happy ending. I think…

~Do you stand out in the rain, let it roll down your cheeks~

It was raining. It was doing that a lot lately. //Maybe it senses my mood.// Naruto mused to himself. //And, like the idiot Sasuke is always calling me, here I am standing out in it.// Naruto tilted his head towards the sky a little, his eyes narrowed to mere slits. It was getting colder fast and Naruto was surprised it hadn’t started snowing yet. Everyone else was inside. Where it was warm. Sakura had gone home for a week and Sasuke had disappeared as far as Naruto knew. Iruka and Kakashi were inside though, doing who knows what.

~Pretend it’s not your tears, mingling with the rain upon your face.~

Thinking about these things kept Naruto from having to think about his tears, and the source of them. He knew it wasn’t Sasuke’s fault, it wasn’t like he’d told the dark haired boy how he felt. He probably should, just in case he never got another chance, but every time he had the opportunity, he stopped himself. Convincing himself there’d be another one, a better one, later. Later, later, wait…just a little longer. Naruto had admitted to himself the other day he was afraid of Sasuke’s reaction, if it was bad he didn’t think he could take it.

~Close your eyes, say a little prayer, wish however briefly, that they were there?

His eyes slid completely closed and he sent out a prayer, //I want someone I can hold onto, to care about, to notice. To tell me the monster under the bed isn’t really there.// He silently wished that Sasuke were there. Maybe he would be able to talk to him. Sighing to himself he headed inside, not even seeing the concerned looks Kakashi and Iruka exchanged. He simply went straight to his room. Peeled off his wet clothes as he crossed the room he collapsed onto the bed and drifted sleep.

~Do you stand out in the driving snow?~

A few days later, Naruto got the snow. He almost felt that he’d been right. Almost. But if he’d told anyone about what he’d suspected a few days ago, they’d probably think he’d caused it. Sakura still had a few days left to be gone, which was all well and good as far as Naruto was concerned. The only person he really cared to see still hadn’t showed up, but Naruto knew better than to worry. Though sometimes that didn’t stop him from doing so anyway. Kakashi and Iruka had gotten stranded deeper in town since they had left to go grocery shopping before the snow had hit. Naruto could almost feel the house looming behind him, silent and empty.

~Let the cold wind freeze your tears and soul?~

If he was crying this time, the tears were probably being frozen to his face. He felt so cold, so, alone. Like the snow was freezing his very soul, numbing it to the pain of living. If it was, he found he didn’t mind the idea at all. Some days he felt that anything would be better than feeling everything. Because, sometimes, everything caused pain.

~Take comfort from the chill winds, reach out to make them your own?~

He stretched his arms out as if welcoming the cold winds, chilled to his bone marrow. Perhaps if he could hold onto them, he could stop feeling? Shivering unconsciously he wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the mass of swirling flakes being blown around. He almost went cross-eyed staring at one that landed on his nose before it melted and dripped off the end.

~Close your eyes, say your prayer, make your wish again.~

He closed his eyes, said his prayer, and made his wish in the quiet of the snow. His wish and prayer never changed, but sometimes he doubted there was anyone out there to hear his prayer. Or anyone that cared to answer it, maybe they didn’t like him because of the nine-tails, like everyone else. Well, maybe not everyone. Kakashi and Iruka didn’t treat him differently. But two out of a whole village were not good odds.

~Letting the cold numb you, when your heart breaks, as you realize it will never be.~

In a flash he realized he couldn’t, //or rather wouldn’t// a little voice whispered in his mind, ever tell Sasuke how he felt. //He’s probably as numb always as I am now.// He felt his heart breaking with every lie he told himself to try and get over Sasuke, each time he tried to put on his mask. For every crack in his psyche, he could feel the cold moving in to take up the space left behind. //Perhaps I should go in before there’s nothing left of me. I don’t want to lose me, I just want the pain to go away.//

~Hide yourself, behind your door, hug your pillow close.~

Naruto blindly stumbled through the house and into his room. He grabbed his pillow and slumped against his closed door, sliding to the floor. He clutched his pillow tightly to his chest. The warmth of the house didn’t seem to be helping yet, he still felt so cold he shivered uncontrollably. He wondered miserably if he was passively trying to commit suicide, going out in the rain and snow like that, coming in wet and staying that way, or going naked. He also found himself wondering if anyone would even care or notice that he was gone.

~Solitude, your friend, and enemy. Making you acknowledge the ache of your soul, the warm tears running down your cheeks.~

Silent sobs shook his slight frame as he buried his face in his pillow. How he hated being alone, and yet he craved it, needed it if he was going to be able to face everyone later. Better to cry now, when no one would see or know. His pillow was going to be useless to sleep on later, but he hadn’t been sleeping much anyway. He awoke in thddleddle of the night, frozen in place with unnamed emotions flying through him. The feeling of falling uncontrollably almost always fresh in his mind, and the sound of crying. Soft, soft sobs would echo in his ears and tears would run down his face.

~You close your eyes, the prayer unheard, the wish unfulfilled, and your heart broken.~

Naruto closed his eyes, and briefly tried to resist the temptation to say his prayer, he can just feel that no one cares. But he said it softly out loud, one last time before giving it up. He made his wish as well before his exhausted mind and body shut down and he fell asleep still holding his pillow as if it were all that stood between him and a hard landing.

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