Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

All Kinds and Sizes	By : Sasunarufan13 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1880 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor make profit of it. Kishimoto owns it.

Chapter List
- 1-All Kinds and Sizes
- 1
Author's note: What do you get when I read Naruto posts which feature memes as well? This type of oneshot. Don't take it seriously, because it definitely isn't, but hell if I didn't have fun writing it! Have this as an extra because I passed my exams ^^ I know it's not that long, but well, it's nothing serious either, so :P
Also, side note: if you consider Sasuke's Chibi manga as canon, then yes, Sasuke is this gifted by Mother Nature *smirks*
Warnings: Naruto's and Itachi's pov; Alternate universe; mature content; explicit language; established slash; best friends Naruto and Deidara; Deidara is such a best friend too; can this be called Size Queen Naruto? I leave that up to you
I hope you'll like this!
All Kinds and Sizes
There were times when Naruto seriously questioned why he was even friends with Deidara. Like now for example.
"I'm sorry, can you repeat that? I don't think I understood you well," he said and narrowed his eyes, lowering his soda can.
Deidara, the absolute jerk that he was, smirked and repeated slowly, "I dare you to go to the night shop, ask them whether they have condoms in the size XXL and then say you're going to wait there if they say yes. And I dare you to take a picture with the guy if someone like that shows up, un."
"Have you completely lost your mind?" Naruto protested incredulously. "Why the fuck would I do a stupid dare like that?"
"Oh please, don't act so innocent, un," Deidara scoffed and tossed his long hair back. "We both know you like big dicks just as much as I do."
Cheeks reddening something fierce, Naruto spluttered outraged, "The fuck, that doesn't mean I'm going to stand there like a pervert! Who even says someone like that will show up! I'm not going to waste my entire night there, are you out of your mind?"
"Sanity is overrated, un," Deidara said flippantly and waved his hand. "Fine, how about a time limit of three hours? If you accept, I'll give you ten thousand yen, un."
"Why the hell are you prepared to give me so much money for such a stupid dare?" Naruto narrowed his eyes suspiciously.
The older blond smirked. "Because the thought of you asking for XXL condoms is fucking hilarious to me, un."
"You're such a damn jerk, you know that?" Naruto complained and huffed, crushing his empty can.
Sky blue eyes regarded him expectantly. "Well, you accept the dare?"
He shouldn't, because it was the stupidest dare that had ever been presented to him and also the most humiliating one. His competitive side reared its ugly head, however, and he gnashed his teeth together, throwing the can into the bin.
"Fuck it, fine. You better have that ten thousand yen ready when I come back, you douchebag," Naruto muttered darkly.
Ignoring his friend's smug smirk, he turned around and started the walk to the nearest night shop.
Preparing for the embarrassment of a lifetime.
"Good evening, can I help you?" the red haired clerk asked bored; not even taking her eyes off the magazine she was reading.
He would say something about that, but it wasn't like he was an actual customer here and frankly he couldn't care less what she did on the clock. "Yes, hello, I was wondering whether you're selling condoms in the size XXL here?" he questioned airily, hoping his cheeks weren't as red as they felt.
That had her looking up from her magazine; interest flashing up in crimson eyes. Cocking an eyebrow, she drawled, "We do, yes. They can be found in the third aisle."
"Good, do you mind if I stay here and see who buys them?" he asked, flipping off Deidara secretly in his pocket.
The girl was definitely biting down a grin now. "Sure, not like it's busy anyway. Hope you won't have to wait too long," she snickered and went back to her magazine.
"God, I hate you so much, Deidara," he muttered underneath his breath and went to stand a bit to the side so that he wouldn't be in the way of any actual customers wanting to pay.
What was he even supposed to do for three hours?
A slip of paper being shoved underneath his nose quite literally had him jumping in surprise and he stared at the clerk, who waved the paper lazily back and forth. "Here's the password for the Wi-fi. You might as well pass the time with something fun in your search of big cocks," she smirked.
"Thanks, that's very generous of you," he said dryly, but typed in the password on his phone, because well, what else was he going to do here?
"I'm all for helping out people," she chuckled. "Just don't tell my boss that I'm this generous. You can take a seat over there. Might as well get comfortable."
"Thanks," he said again, but more sincere this time, because sitting on a chair definitely beat standing for three hours.
Before he selected YouTube, he messaged Deidara.
10.35 p.m. Me
You're a dick and I don't know why I'm friends with you :/
10.36 p.m. Crazy Artist
You love me and you love big dicks. Maths far from difficult, baby
"Douchebag," Naruto muttered for good measure again before settling down to scroll through the newly uploads videos.
"The girl behind the counter said you were looking for me?"
The husky, low voice jarred him out of the cat's video he was watching and he ripped out his earphones, looking up distracted –
And promptly froze when he saw who was standing in front of him.
Uchiha Sasuke gazed at him with one eyebrow lifted. While not exactly friends, they weren't strangers either, sharing multiple classes together at the local university. Naruto also had developed a ridiculously stupid crush on the guy and had made a couple of embarrassing attempts lately to flirt with him. The problem was that Sasuke was so ridiculously good looking, on top of having an amazing sense of humour, which left poor Naruto utterly tongue-tied whenever he tried to flirt with the dark haired man.
The man in question was looking at him amused while carrying – a box of XXL condoms.
Naruto promptly reddened and almost lost his balance when he shot out of the chair, flailing to regain his balance. The amusement on Sasuke's face grew, which definitely did not help Naruto's red face situation that he had currently going on.
"Erm, well, that's to say, I wasn't exactly," he started to stammer, a stupid shiver running down his back when Sasuke smirked.
That guy had no right to look so damn good whilst smirking. God, he was in way too fucking deep already.
"So you weren't looking for a guy purchasing XXL condoms?" he asked teasingly, tilting his head to the left and doing absolutely nothing to hide the box of condoms.
"Well, that depends," Naruto said and cleared his throat. "On whether those condoms are for your personal use or not."
Do not look down at his dick. Do not look down at his dick. For the love of all that's holy, do not look at his dick!
"Well, I'm not paying for someone else's fun, that's for sure," Sasuke scoffed.
This time Naruto couldn't help but flick his eyes down for just a second and the tips of his ears started to burn now too when Sasuke caught him looking. "So you're telling me that you're really packing that much, huh?"
He held his breath when Sasuke leant towards him, bracing his free hand against the wall next to Naruto's head, half caging him in. "How about I show you that I don't need to bluff?"
Naruto had never been so happy as tonight that he had chosen to wear a large shirt which covered him down to his thighs.
It made rushing past the smirking clerk with the too knowing eyes a tad less embarrassing.
Just a tad.
"Holy fuck, you really weren't kidding," Naruto moaned when he sank down on Sasuke's definitely large and thick, holy fuck, cock; his muscles straining when he forced himself to take him in all at once.
Not even his largest toy seemed to be as big as Sasuke's dick or maybe that was just his own dick talking which was more than happy about this particular occasion. Hard plastic just couldn't beat an actual cock, especially not when that cock was attached to such a hot guy like Sasuke.
Who was one hell of a kisser as well and wait, what had he been thinking again? He was sure he'd been thinking something really important just now, but then Sasuke flipped them both around, grabbed Naruto's legs and smirked down at him as he slowly pulled out until only the head of his cock rested inside still.
"I hope you've got nothing important planned tomorrow," Sasuke smirked, resting Naruto's legs on his shoulders, forcing the blond man to bend double almost. "Because you won't be walking for days after this."
"Big talk for someone who hasn't – oh fuck, yes!" Sasuke's hips snapped forwards in one brutal thrust, aiming straight for Naruto's sweet spot and that was the last semi-coherent comment he would be able to utter for hours as Sasuke started to fuck him rough and deep, hitting his prostate again and again with ruthless precision, sending sparks of pleasure racing through Naruto's body.
All Naruto could do was hold on for what was possibly the wildest, hottest ride of his life.
Sasuke had definitely ruined him for other men for the rest of his life after this, because there was no way he would ever be able to be fucked this damn well again.
He couldn't find it in him to care about that.
"Turns out my brother is so happy that he didn't even give me grief for the stunt I pulled in the first place," Itachi said dryly, sinking down on the couch while he waited for his boyfriend to return with their drinks.
"Honestly, they should be thanking us for kicking their arses into gear, un." Deidara walked into the living room, carrying two glasses and a bottle of wine. "I mean, Naruto-kun's pining was getting embarrassing to watch; shit, I never have seen him this bad."
"Sasuke got it pretty bad as well," Itachi admitted and smiled. "Honestly never thought I would ever see the day he would have it this bad for someone. I expected him to be a loner for the rest of his life."
"They're lucky they have us, un," Deidara sniffed and placed the glasses and the bottle on the table. "Wait here, I'm going to grab the food too."
Deidara was barely out of the room when his phone pinged, a sign that he'd received a message. The phone was right next to Itachi on the arm of the chair and he raised his eyebrow when he saw part of the message.
"I didn't know you and Hidan were texting each other," he remarked when Deidara returned, carrying a plate with appetisers.
"Hm? We're not, un, why the hell would I text that weirdo?" Deidara rolled his eyes and sat down.
"Fuck your religion, I found a new one," Itachi read the message before handing over the phone. "Sounds like Hidan to me."
Deidara snorted and smirked then, unlocking his phone to reply. "That's not Hidan. That's Naruto-kun."
"Since when is Naruto-kun so religious?"
"He isn't, he's talking about your brother's dick, un," Deidara replied gleefully and started typing out a reply.
"Gross," Itachi concluded blankly.
He loved his brother, but there was definitely a limit to what he wanted to hear about him. That included any of his bed activities with his boyfriend.
Even if Itachi was partly to blame for setting them up together with Deidara's help.
Whatever, his brother should be happy that he hadn't given him such an embarrassing dare as Naruto had been given. Who said Itachi wasn't a good older brother?
The End
AN2: It's silly, I know, but I got inspired and I wanted to indulge myself a bit :P Have no fear, I'm working on my other ongoing projects as well!
I hope this wasn't too terrible! Please leave your thoughts behind in a review; should you spot any mistakes, please point them out to me.
I hope to see you all back in my future stories! Please stay safe and take care of yourselves!
Cuddles
Melissa
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All Kinds and Sizes