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This is an Illusion	By : ThinBlueLine Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kakashi/Sasuke Views: 1802 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR ANY OF THE NARUTO CHARACTERS NOR DO I MAKE A PROFIT FROM THIS.

Chapter List
- 1-Take This to Heart
- 1
This is my first story and I would like all kinds of feedback. I have wrote plenty of short stories but never one where i write based on someone elses characters. Also, I know that my language skills aren't the best, feel free to tell me when a sentence doesn't make sense or is a run-on. I wasn't comfortable writing names so this is from kakashi's POV and it rarely says a name, atleast not yet but I've only written a few chapters.
~Kakashi's POV~
There are many things that make me contemplate my sanity, and you are one of them. Obvious aside, you should have known this would happen. Look at me, what did I have to offer? Everyone that ever mattered to me is dead. I was a lost cause, I spent my days wandering like a lost puppy. I was broken and you saw that, you had to have known. After all I tried to do for you. I tried to help you. To protect you from becoming like me because we are the same. Everyone you cared about is dead; slain by the hands of the one you looked up to. I needed to save you. You were like a son to me. I know I wasn't the best father figure, but you weren't exactly easy either. You were as broken as I was, and half my age.
I wanted to save you, but you chose to leave. It was understandable. You had obligations you felt you needed to complete. There was no swaying you. That was probably what broke me. I couldn't save anyone else. Everyone I tried to protect died. I don't even know why I thought that i could help you. Maybe you leaving was best. I told myself that; maybe to salvage what santity I thought I had left.
However, I didn't expect to find you that day. I just needed to get away; forget my failures for a little while. I thought a walk in the woods would suffice.
You sensed me first.
You knew I was alone.
Even more, vulnerable, because you knew I didn't sense you.
You followed me. I knew you were there after that. I wanted to call out; to tell you I'm sorry...that I worry about you. I needed you to stay. I knew you probably wouldn't. I needed to save you. I couldn't save anyone else but I needed to save you. You followed at a distance for awhile. It was as if you were an animal stalking your pray. I stumbled through my mind for a way to get you to talk to me. I didn't know what i would say. Everything seemed so cliche and overstated. Besides you had made your choice. This was what you wanted.
You saved me the trouble and appreared in front of me. Our eyes locked, and neither of us spoke. Your eyes were hard and your stare was piercing, but it was the softest i had ever seen your expression. You looked at ease. Even when a grin crossed your face, and I could tell it wasn't meant to appear happy, it was the happiest you could ever be.
I couldn't help but noticing how much you had changed in three years. You were taller. Your shoulders were broader; probably from all the training. Your face was slightly longer, and I wouldn't have noticed had I not paid so much attention to you when you were still safe within the village walls. All of that, though, had nothing on your eyes. They hadn't changed much. They were wider; as to fill your face out. It was what I saw while looking in to them. Pain. It was there before, but not like this. This ran deeper. So deep I felt I could feel it from just looking into them. You wouldn't keep your gaze steady. You kept alternating from my mouth, to my hands that had made their way into my pockets (probably to keep from fidgeting), to a small hole on the shoulder of my vest that came from a recent mission, to my eye and away again. It was then that I noticed your breathing. It was uneven, as if you had been running, but i knew you hadn't because you spent almost an hour following me. You were uncomfortable; probably didn't know what to say.
However, you still spoke first. Your voice had changed, became deeper, but you spoke with a calm, even tone.
"You feel it too, don't you, sensei?"
My eye closed and my head dropped. I couldn't look you in the eyes anymore, because as bad as I hate to admit it, I did feel it. I've grown to hate that village. All it ever did was remind me of what I couldn't do. Your warm hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts. I contemplated running then, because this was too much and i just wasn't ready to face you, yet. I wasn't ready to tell you that you were right to leave and leave behinde your painful memories. That didn't make them go away, but it was better than setting and rolling around in your failures. Just as I looked up to tell you that you were right, your soft lips met my clothed ones in a brief kiss.
"It's alright." I am not sure if you were telling me that it is alright to hate the village or alright to kiss you back.
Before I could even register that yes, you kissed me and even spoke afterwards, you cut my mask just at the mouth and kissed me again. I stood there because I felt it was all I could do. I kissed back because I needed to keep you there. I needed to show you I could do something right, even if it was just submit to you.
You pressed your body into mine and you ran your tongue along my bottom lip; begging for entry. I let you in. I could taste, and feel, your desperation and need. My hands came up and grabbed your waist to stop you from grinding on me, because it didn't need to go that far, but instead just pulled you closer against me. Your other hand rested on my shoulder and you backed me until my body hit a tree. You ran your hands from my shoulder down the length of my arm, slowly, until they clasped around my wrists and pinned them above my head. Before I knew what you were doing, ropes of chakra had bound me by the wrists to the tree and you had stopped kissing me.
You rested your forehead against mine and your hands grabbed my waist. I didn't know what to do or say. I didn't know what you were doing. I opened my eye and say that yours were tightly shut and there were tears forming in the corners. I opened my mouth to say something, anything to show you that I do care and I want to help you. Once again, you spoke first.
"Why did you leave me that night?" Your voice was soft; broken.
Your eyes were hard again, harder than before. The scowl that you always wore was back.
"I didn't know-" Your hand across my face cut me off.
"BULLSHIT. You knew my emotional state. You could have changed my mind. I even stopped and waited for you to come for me. You never showed." I could see the tears in your eyes as you spoke. "You don't even know the hell he put me through."
"I'm sorry." Another slap.
"Don't lie to me too. I've had enough lies to last me the rest of my life."
You brought your hand up like you were going to slap me again. I closed my eyes to prepare for the impact, but instead your hand just grazed my cheek as you rested your forehead on my shoulder. I could feel you crying. I wanted nothing more than to hold you but I couldn't move my arms.
"I'm sorry, Kakashi," you whispered in a small fragile voice.
Then you were gone and I was left there with my hands at my side and my head even more fucked up than when I went for the walk. I dropped to the ground and for the first time in a long time, I cried. I cried for you. You don't even know the hell he put me through. That could mean anything. I assumed the worst. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I woke to the sun shining down on my face. I sat up and briefly wondered if everything that happened last night was just an illusion my mind brought on. The cut on my mask disproved that theory.
The walk home was the worst, mainly because I didn't want to go back home. I waved off any small talk from familair faces, locked the doors in my home and crashed on the couch. I thought about you and where you were at now; if you were still under that damn snake's wing. I know you had succeeded in killing your brother, because we found the body. I could smell you there. I wondered why you kissed me. I know it wasn't just to pin me to the tree. I could feel you; I know the desire was there. It was there for me, too.
That was when i decided what i was going to do. I went to my room and grabbed a bag, threw a few changes of clothes in it, then went to the kitchen to grab anything non-perishable. On the counter was a scroll I had been given earlier about a mission I was supposed to be going on tomorrow. I breifly wondered if I should stay, but quickly shook away the feeling as i picked up and pen and began to write:
To whomever it concerns,
I have decided that this village holds nothing for me and I am leaving. Please don't come looking for me.
I know they probably will so I just threw the entire scroll away and left. Sasuke, I'm coming for you.
~
I know this isn't really great, and there is more i plan to add later on. I had to make a quick ending to it because i realized that the rest of the dialog between them two contradicted some things later on in other chapters i am still editing and working on. I would love feedback, even if its bad. All i ask is keep it friendly. (:
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This is an Illusion