It’s Probably Me | By : Ljiljana Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1331 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don’t own ‘Naruto’; I earn no money writing this. |
It’s Probably Me
Naruto wakes up full five seconds before there is a loud,
painfully familiar knock on his door. He does not move, he does not breathe for
a moment, while his heart is trying to break out of his chest. There is no
doubt about it, because he knows himself well enough; he will answer. But it would be good, it would be refreshing if he at
least wasn’t so relieved.
Guiltily happy and pissed off, in a futile attempt to calm
his racing heart down, he heaves a happy sigh, though there is a niggling
felling of guilt and annoyance in it, and tries to calm his heart down in a
futile attempt. It does not work, so Naruto gets out of the bed to put some
clothes on.
On the other side of the door just as he expected, he finds
Sasuke. All the plans of yelling for being woken up and for the ridiculous
situation in general die off on his lips as
soon as he finds Sasuke’s face. However, Sasuke’s
right eye is bruised, just enough to see it in the fading darkness. It is not
something Naruto can get used to, not after all this time, not ever.
Sasuke bears that scrutiny wordlessly. He is not hugging
himself against the whipping wind outside. He looks hurt, like the bruise is
just the tip of the iceberg, even though his eyes are as barren as ever and
show nothing of it. Maybe it’s the slightly crooked angle in his pose. Or maybe,
Naruto is just looking for an excuse to let him in.
It does not matter, for the decision has been made already.
Years ago.
He exhales the air that was starting to get stale in his lungs
and moves away just enough to let Sasuke in. There is a pause, a very mute
moment during which Sasuke closes his eyes so tightly that it must be painful.
When he opens them, he is already moving, walking inside. He is not looking at
Naruto any longer.
How did you find me?
Naruto itches to demand. But he doesn’t.
“Tea?” He asks. Sasuke likes tea. It should be safe enough.
Sasuke doesn’t answer. He is walking the house over, looking
left and right and even up. Naruto now wants to know what he is expecting to
find on the ceiling. He restrains himself, thinking better than that by the
past. It’s just one of the countless weird things Sasuke does. It is a quirk,
it’s private, or a secret and thus off limits.
Naruto leaves him to it. His hands are shaking, in odds with
the little sparks of happiness that he feels. He doesn’t approve of Sasuke
showing up at his new house at a creepy hour, again, but at least he knows Sasuke is okay. Well enough, anyway. Not
that Naruto knows why it’s like that, but God knows Sasuke is hurt often
enough. Practically every time he shows up at Naruto’s doorstep, in some way.
When the tea is ready, Naruto takes the mug with him, in
search for Sasuke. It warms his hands, that got as cold as ice despite the mild
weather.
Sasuke is in the living room and he is sitting on the couch.
His shirt is lifted a little so he would be able to inspect an ugly and bluish
bruise that is large enough to cover every bit of skin Naruto can see. Naruto gasps
in sympathy, stunned. Sasuke lets his shirt fall down.
Naruto places the mug in front of him; upset and worried.
“So what happened?” He demands, giving in. The five minutes
of restraining is about as long as he can ever manage, anyway.
Sasuke looks up at him disapprovingly, as if to say I expected better from you. Then he
smiles, just a tiny little bit. It is not a nice smile.
“When did you move?”
Naruto is so annoyed with his flipping stomach and
electrified chest he wants to stomp his foot. He glares instead, which just
makes Sasuke spread the smile a notch.
Naruto breaths in a lot of air. “Two months ago. I’ve got a
job here, it’s nice.”
He has been teaching gym class, which is what he wants to
do. The town is small but close to the city that he grew up in. He used to
spend summers with his grandparents here, so he knows people. He fit in
effortlessly.
“What happened to your old job?”
I gave it up so I
could try to have some resemblance to normal life is not something Naruto can
say, because ‘normal life’ means ‘not waiting during every moment of every hour
for you to stop by’.
He shrugs instead. “How did you find me?”
Sasuke’s eyes darken when his eyelashes lower to cast a
shadow over his eyes. “Were you trying to make sure I wouldn’t?”
“No.” Naruto instantly responds. It is the truth - if looked at
carefully; and from a certain angle. “Why would I do that? It’s not as if I
have to let you in when you do decide to – to stop by, you know.”
However, he has
to. He would feel compelled to do it even if every single Sasuke’s visit would
not end with very enjoyable, if not always gentle, sex. It’s because whenever Sasuke showed up at his
doorstep he seemed as if he was in some sort of trouble and needed a place to
hide.
Sasuke’s eyes lose the shadows. Naruto swallows and says,
“But it’s not as if I could have let you know or anything.”
Of course, if he had a way of contacting Sasuke at all, there
would be no need to move – but that information is best kept secret.
“No?” Sasuke answers, finally picking up his mug. “A simple
message with your former landlord would have saved me some time.”
Naruto grinds his teeth in an effort not to snap. Then I would still stay awake every night,
waiting for you to show up! It was impossible to live that way long before
Naruto summoned will power to leave, with self-loathing and helplessness much
worse than the sleep deprivation. Sasuke’s stony refusal to let on any
information about himself was maddening.
“I didn’t think of it.” Sasuke does not answer. Naruto tries
again. “How did you find me?”
And something happens. There is a struggle that reflects
clearly on Sasuke’s face. He opens his mouth, closes and purses his lips. Naruto,
not expecting an answer at all, pays more attention to how annoyingly kissable
Sasuke’s mouth looks and finds himself surprised when he hears, “I have
connections with the police.”
“Really?”
Sasuke inhales audibly. Words come somewhat easier this time
around, and Sasuke clears up, “You remember Kakashi? He’s with the police.”
Yes, Naruto remembers Kakashi. For a short while at the
beginning of the – the thing they
had, when nothing was suggesting that Sasuke was a weird, paranoid freak with
odd habits who considered a working relationship one in which showing up on
Naruto’s doorstep once in a quarter of a year, he met Kakashi.
This reminds him, “Oh, I knew that, I saw him tonight. He
was on TV. There was some big arrest or something – I was not paying it too
much attention. But I saw Kakashi talking to the reporters about it.”
Against all odds, Sasuke smiles again. He is definitely
happy about something tonight, even if he did not like Naruto moving without
informing him.
“I saw it.” He takes a mouthful of his tea and drowns his
smile in it.
“What was that all about?” Naruto questions, hoping for a neutral
subject to stick and distract him from the questions he really wants to ask.
“Nothing that matters right now.”
Well, there goes the conversation. Naruto finally snaps, “Is
there anything you are willing to talk about? Maybe who beat the fuck out of
you, again? Because I’m sure I’d like to hear about that.”
“No, I don’t want to talk about that, either.” Sasuke says
calmly. Naruto could swear he seems more relaxed then he was moments ago. Why,
because they switched the subject? Or maybe because Naruto was demanding
answers, instead of trying to restrain himself from it?
“Let us see then. Are you, by any chance, in the mood to
share your phone number? Or the address?” Naruto glares, expecting a no.
“I have neither at the moment.” Sasuke tells him, frowning
at the empty mug as if it is doing the questioning. His tone dries just a bit
around the end. “Is it okay to get back to you on that in a couple of days?”
Very funny, Naruto
is about to say. But Sasuke looks up before he can speak and he looks serious,
questioning and uncomfortable. So, instead, Naruto whispers, “But… How can you
not have an address? Where do you live?”
“I was staying at someone’s for awhile. That arrangement,
thank God, is off now.”
“With whom?” Naruto wants to know, even if it is what
chilled his blood and Sasuke had someone all this time – someone else. Naruto
wants to know who it is, even if it chills his blood and projects the thought
that Sasuke had someone else all this time. His throat is dry but he presses,
“Why is it off?”
“It was just a business arrangement.” Sasuke dismisses it
without glancing up. It doesn’t make anything better, because Naruto just
brushes dust off one of his many theories, about Sasuke as the rent-boy. Or
gigolo. Under the weight of the sudden hope that he might discover something,
Naruto feels that his jealousy become an afterthought.
“What business?”
“I’m tired.” Sasuke says in flat voice. He leaves the mug on
the table and turns completely to face Naruto on the couch. “Can we talk about
this in the morning?”
The hope that swelled Naruto’s chest fades. He snorts
bitterly. “You will be out of here long before I even wake up.”
“Not this time.”
Sasuke sounds sincere, not that Naruto has any idea how he
sounds when he is not lying about it. He wants to believe it but he can’t, and
he really shouldn’t, even though Sasuke never promised anything like it before.
“You’re hungry.” Naruto says. He doesn’t know what else he can
offer. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes.” Sasuke reaches for him, a hand movement quick and
efficient. They are kissing a moment later, and that is familiar and easy.
Naruto turns off his brain and drags himself closer to Sasuke, desperate as
always for the little he can get.
Something is different, he soon realizes. Not in a bad way.
Sasuke is kissing, as always, with skill that comes from nothing less than
mastery but… Something is… There is something…
Naruto grunts into the kiss as he realizes. This kiss is slow. It’s wonderful and arousing and
slow enough to take in and map every feeling, every sensation. Sasuke’s tongue
caresses his, playful and clever. Naruto pushes forwards, demanding more. He
doesn’t dare, he doesn’t want it to change. He just wants this kiss to last
forever, because it’s louder than any words and means more than any
explanations. He lets his hand slid down Sasuke’s side and enjoys the solid
warmth under his fingers, the slight curve of Sasuke’s hip and low rustle of
the shirt.
He mindlessly presses on and Sasuke hisses in pain. Naruto
breaks the kiss completely and lowers his head into Sasuke’s neck. “Sorry. I
forgot about that.”
“It’s nothing.” Sasuke says, cocking his head so Naruto
would have better excess.
Naruto obediently licks before remembering. “You’re hungry.”
Sasuke hisses again, this time in annoyance. “Later.”
But Naruto is already pushing himself off. “I have plenty
left from my diner…”
“Naruto.”
“No!” Naruto snaps again. It’s so easy to snap at Sasuke,
because he never makes a big deal out of it if he isn’t in the mood to fight
and this time Naruto needs him to understand. “We’re not doing this on the
fucking couch, not after…”
That kiss stays unsaid. But from the look in Sasuke’s eyes, it’s
enough. He nods slightly. Naruto turns away, to the kitchen.
Sasuke follows a couple of minutes later, just as the
leftovers from Naruto’s diner are warm and ready. He must have smelled it. They
are sitting together at the table. Sasuke is eating and Naruto is watching him.
It is an oddly comfortable moment, silent and cozy.
Naruto breaks it, for his skin is still vibrant from
Sasuke’s warmth on places. “Are you hurt anyplace else? Do you need…”
“I’m fine.”
Naruto scowls. “I heard that before.”
“Did you make this?” Sasuke says, disregarding his worry.
“It’s actually eatable.”
There’s nothing like a compliment from Sasuke. It makes you
feel like you are both the dirt on his foot and the precious but small gem
hidden inside that dirt. Naruto shrugs, noticing with satisfaction that Sasuke
is just finishing the last of his dinner a large portion of Greek
meat-and-potato moussaka. “Yeah, well… The expiration date on the milk was last
week, but it didn’t stink too much so
I…”
Sasuke, who starts coughing at the ‘last week’ part, finally
recognizes the tone and glares at him. Naruto makes an innocent and hurt face.
For some reason, that just makes Sasuke huff and take the last bite instead of insulting
him. He grumbles, “Grow up.”
“The milk really had expired,” Naruto explains, grinning.
“But it doesn’t go into that dish – not necessarily, so I just threw it out
this morning.”
The short cough made Sasuke’s cheeks flush; it looks violent
against his sickly complexion. Naruto wonders when the last time he was out in
the sun was. He didn’t look so pale on the day they met. But then, things
obviously went downhill since. In the harsher light in the kitchen, the redness
in the angles of Sasuke’s eyes and the dark shadows under are even more obvious
and disturbingly familiar.
Sasuke dumps his empty plate into the sink, but he doesn’t
offer to wash it. Naruto has to do it himself. In the mean while, Sasuke
disappears somewhere.
Some minutes later, Naruto can hear the water in the
bathroom running from the hall. It’s a safe bet Sasuke raided his closet, as he
had nothing with him – as usual. The amount of clothes he took with him and
never returned was so high, Naruto long since started to count with it and buy
extra.
As he is still in his pajama bottoms and favorite blue
sleeping shirt, Naruto simply crawls back to bed. The lamp in the corner is the
only light in the room. Misty amber light is giving the room artificial warmth.
The sheets are uncomfortably cold, but the sounds coming from the bathroom are
clear and welcome. He closes his eyes and listens.
Despite of trying to escape from it, he fell back to the old
pattern without struggle. Sasuke makes him nothing but miserable, because for
every minute he is around, it comes a day when he’s not. But Naruto can’t help
it. He can’t, he doesn’t want to say no. He doesn’t really want to leave, he
doesn’t want for Sasuke to stay away.
But he is so sick of it, at the same time. He is sick of
secrets, of wondering if they are even if they are valid secrets and not simply the way Sasuke likes things to be. He
is sick of waiting. He is sick wanting and only getting cramps. He is sick of
staring in the ceiling at night and making deals with whoever is listening to
at least make is more often, if not permanent.
By the time the sounds of running water stop, Naruto is near
tears. He shakes his head and tries to think about something else. About the
good times. About the way all their encounters end, with Sasuke sleeping
soundly and Naruto smiling into his pillow. About the sex.
About that kiss.
It’s not healthy to think of it as if it some form of a
promise, an oath of some kind. He can’t help it.
Sasuke comes in. He is in Naruto’s pajamas and he smells
like Naruto’s soap when he sits down at the edge of the bed. The way he looks
around the room instead of at Naruto could turn awkward and uncomfortable if it
carries on. The bedroom is filled with Naruto’s furniture, even though the
place is different and he is pretty sure Sasuke was in it at least twice by now
– when he first walked around the house, searching for whatever and when he searched
the room for Naruto’s clothes before going to the shower. It isn’t curiosity.
Sasuke is not at ease, for some reason. That is new and unfamiliar. Naruto
smiles on the thought – any change is good.
“Come on.” He says as he pushes the covers to make room for
Sasuke. “It’s getting cold.”
Sasuke doesn’t react. Naruto shifts and sits up so he could
see his face, just in time to hear, “I do owe you a few answers.”
The statement is lingering between them for a moment, eerily
still. Sasuke is clearly tired, even his voice sounds drained. A blind person
wouldn’t be able to miss that weariness, let alone someone looking directly at
him. Every tense line on his face can pass as evidence that he has been through
decades of strain, even though that is surely not true. Either way, Sasuke
needs rest more than he needs air.
Naruto wants those answers. He also desperately wants to
keep Sasuke, to have him, to close his arms around him and make it the most perfect
resting place in the world. He leans forward and brushes his nose and cheek against
Sasuke’s shoulder. “Well, if you were telling me the truth and you won’t run
away while I’m still sleeping, then we can talk in the morning.”
While he is talking, Sasuke leans back into him. His eyes
are closed when he answers, “I’m likely to sleep for a week or so.”
The close proximity of a bed seems to be shuttering what
there was of Sasuke’s determination to talk. Naruto is somewhat sorry, because
of course Sasuke would be gone before he is even aware and with him his
answers. But when Sasuke gets under the covers after turning the lamp off, cold
from the shower; a presence welcome and familiar, Naruto offers his body
warmth. From all past experience, they should be having sex now, but instead
they are falling asleep clothed, Naruto with his arm firmly around Sasuke and
Sasuke with his face buried into his neck.
*~*~*~*~*
Naruto wakes up at dawn with a gasp and painfully heavy
weight on his chest. Confused, disoriented and with the remains of a disturbing
dream he can’t quite remember, he somehow disentangles himself from Sasuke to
get up.
He shivers as his feet encounter the cold floor. There is
just enough of daylight to find his way around. Naruto regretfully glances at
his place in bed and at Sasuke, sleeping there with his mouth slightly open in
most undignified manner. The sight makes him grin and it swipes away the last
of the dream’s creepy residue. Naruto rushes to the bathroom, eager to get back
to bed as soon as possible.
The Sun is quicker than him, so when Naruto gets back, the
room is already yellowish. Through the blinds, it makes a nice pattern on the
opposite wall. Naruto slips into the bed again and sighs. He is still worried
Sasuke will disappear, but when he looks at the broom top of black hair, it
doesn’t look like it would move anytime soon. This would probably be the time
Sasuke gets up and goes away. Naruto smiles again, for the first time allowing
himself to consider breakfast for two. There should be enough eggs…
“Stop staring.” Sasuke mumbles. He should be too sleepy to
so irritated, but the edge is there. “I can’t sleep with you staring at me.”
“I’m not.” Naruto cheerfully disagrees. “You’re dreaming.”
Sasuke wraps his arm around Naruto’s middle, too tight for
comfort. His nose is brushing against Naruto’s shoulder as he mumbles, “Close
your eyes and be quiet.”
“I’m not a teddy bear.” Naruto complains. Sasuke seems to be
already sleeping again, so he closes his eyes a second later in silence. He smiles;
he should try to make himself more comfortable if he wants to catch some more
sleep.
~**~**~**~**~
Naruto is cold when he wakes up for the second time. He
reaches out before he opens his eyes and of course, of course, the bed next to him is empty. The coldness of the sheets
under his fingers on Sasuke’s side burn his chest. It was stupid of him to
hope, very stupid.
“Son of a bitch.” He curses, stupidly, senselessly. Anger is
easier to deal with then the burning in his chest.
“What?” A mildly startled voice asks.
Naruto’s helpless anger lingers just a second longer before
he opens his eyes. Sasuke is standing, barefoot and with messy hair, next to
his closet, with hands full of clothes. He is right there, frowning. Naruto lets his head fall back on his
pillow. He’s right there.
“’m cold.” He says, because even though that wasn’t why he
was swearing, it is true. “Weren’t you gonna sleep for a week?”
Sasuke moves, his steps light and approaching. He dumps what
he had in his hands on the far side of the bed; Naruto can feel the sudden weight
on his knees. Then there’s a shadow over his face, the bed yields under
Sasuke’s weight and he says, “My bladder had different plans.”
Naruto smiles as familiar scents and feelings overflow him.
Sasuke’s hair looks even messier up close; it’s all over his face – too long
and uncombed. He entangles his fingers into it, amazed when they aren’t stuck
and drags Sasuke to him for closer inspection. His left eye is still bruised,
of course. There are some traces of tiredness, dark and puffy, shadowing his
features. Overall…
“Much better.” Naruto declares.
If the sound Sasuke lets out was even meant to be answered,
it fails its purpose. They are too close not to, so they kiss. It’s sort of
stupid in the beginning because Naruto can’t stop grinning. But Sasuke moves
the covers off him and it’s soon very hard to think. It’s hard to feel anything
but Sasuke’s restless hands that are tracing Naruto’s stomach and his hips;
impatient fingers finding the way under his underwear.
There is an odd wince when Sasuke stops kissing him to pull
off his clothes. It reminds Naruto off that horrible bruise on Sasuke’s side.
He reaches to lift his shirt and take a better look. It is even worse in the
bright morning light, dark and nasty and large.
“Ouch.” Naruto grimaces in sympathy.
“It’s nothing.” Sasuke dismisses it, already back trailing
Naruto’s neck with his lips. It hurts to hear in his voice that it is not
bravado, that he means it, believes it. It hurts to be a witness to how much
pain he must have been through in his life, for only someone used to it could consider
something so painful as nothing.
Naruto pushes him off and back. Ignoring the annoyed glare,
he lifts Sasuke’s shirt again, this time all the way off. His fingers brush the
bluish skin for a second before Naruto leans in to taste it. Sasuke hisses,
maybe in pain, maybe in pleasure.
“It’s a shame,” Naruto mutters, spreading his legs reluctantly
to let Sasuke nest between them for a better access. “How you mistreat your
body.”
He wants to mention that Sasuke’s sides feel like he had
nothing to eat for weeks, that he needs and food care, that he needs more sleep
and less strain. But it seems like that might be something to deal with later.
Naruto settles on enjoying the way Sasuke bend to the side to fetch lube from
the first drawer, where he knows Naruto always keeps it.
“Turn around.” Sasuke instructs him.
Naruto blinks up at him, quite sure his incredulity is
obvious. As if expecting a punch line, he says, “Uh huh.”
Sasuke gestures shortly at the bruise on his stomach. “Less
strain on my body.”
It’s anything but fair. He can’t as well refuse to do such
insignificant thing as to bottom if that means Sasuke wouldn’t hurt himself
further.
“Turn around.” Sasuke orders again, pushing on Naruto’s hip
with his warm palm, as if to help. His tone is little bit dry and sexier for
it. Naruto finds that he is not that averse to the idea of bottoming, not even
after all the previous times when he failed to enjoy it wholeheartedly.
“I want to stay like this.” He says, because Sasuke is
striking like this, impatient and flushed. “I want to watch you.”
“Just trust me. This way is better for both of us right
now.” Sasuke pushes harder on his hip. Naruto gives in and turns around to
kneel, gathering both pillows close by in case he needs support. Sasuke moves
instantly and leans over, not quite bringing them flesh to flesh but close
enough to feel just like it. He whispers into the back of Naruto’s neck. “You
don’t have watch. You will feel me.”
Sasuke’s dick is brushing over Naruto’s upper thigh. On his
neck, the air fresh out of Sasuke’s lungs is hot. Naruto shivers as Sasuke
moves so his breath grazes his ear. It
makes him smile slightly and admit that, yes, he doesn’t have to see to be able
to feel.
Sasuke’s hand is solid pressure over Naruto’s spine when he
straightens up, even while he’s pulling off the lid of the lube jar. It’s as if
he wants to prove his statement. The warmth of the thought is not enough to
overshadow the warmth that is gathering rapidly in his belly, so when Naruto
finally feels Sasuke’s palm sliding lower he is almost prepared for the
sensation.
For someone who gets into fights as much as Sasuke, his
palms are peculiarly gentle. Naruto closes his eyes and rests his forehead
against the wall over the bed. Preparation, especially after so many months, is
rarely pleasant for him. He breathes evenly through it, forcing himself to pay
attention to Sasuke’s hands. They move around, smoothly, coax Naruto into
relaxation. Sasuke is letting out small noises that sometimes sound like
cajoling and sometimes like impatience. It’s arousing in its own way. Naruto
doesn’t touch himself, not once, but he is hard anyway when Sasuke asks,
breathlessly, “Okay?”
It’s okay, even if a little bit too early. Sasuke’s haste,
the evident need in his voice; that is what is important. So it is okay. Naruto
nods his head.
He almost regrets it a moment later. It’s painful – and fuck
it, he’s just not built to be a bottom, what ever came over him to go along
with it? But Sasuke is still gentle and careful and his palm on Naruto’s back
is still warm and solid enough to hold Naruto’s focus. Very soon, after Sasuke
enters him, settles some and finally moves, it’s all better. Better, going on great.
Naruto has to remove his head from where it was resting.
When Sasuke adopts a not very satisfying but steady pace, his head is in danger
of slamming into the wall. Naruto opens his eyes and looks back over his
shoulder instead. It’s quite a sight over there. Even with Sasuke’s stupid hair
hiding half of his face, he looks good, focused and sweaty. His skin is sweaty,
eyes half closed, mouth just open enough to allow him to suck in some air here
and there.
Naruto’s arousal sharpens. He removes one of his hands of
the backrest of the bed to wrap it around his cock. Sasuke notices the
movement. He follows Naruto’s hand for a moment, but it’s clear there is
nothing he can see from that angle so instead he finds Naruto’s eyes with his
own. They are still somewhat hidden, but not enough to hide the look of
bareness blended with a number of nameless emotions.
Naruto holds his gaze. He doesn’t quite pump his cock; more
like he lets it gain as much friction against his palm as possible from the drive
Sasuke is providing. That turns out to be
more gratifying than expected. A minute later pressure is mounting; something
is tightening inside him more and more with every movement until he is at the
end, riding over the edge of the orgasm. For some reason, even as every muscle
in his body seems to be contracting and singing, with sweat gathered in his
brows and lungs airless, Naruto finds it easy to hold Sasuke’s gaze.
Maybe he blackens out for a bit, maybe Sasuke just finished
at the same time, but when Naruto drains out they stop moving. Things and
lights dance a bit around his head, until he remembers to start breathing
again.
Sasuke practically collapses next to him. His panting eases up
soon and he doesn’t move for a long time. Naruto finally realizes that Sasuke
is falling asleep.
“Hey!” He calls, shaking Sasuke’s shoulder. “I’m hungry.”
“I’m tired.” Sasuke responds and, as if to prove it, yawns.
Naruto shakes him again – not so much because he needs
Sasuke to go with him as much as Sasuke could really use some food, judging by
his ribs that are countable when he is laying down on his back. “You can sleep
later.”
“I plan to. I have six and a half days to sleep.” Sasuke
mumbles. Then a corner of his lips creeps upward, forming a self satisfied
smirk. “To sleep and to fuck you.”
It sounds like brilliant plan, Naruto thinks. But he had
enough sleep for now and Sasuke needs to eat, too. “I have to go to work soon.
You can get back to bed as soon as I leave.”
Finally, Sasuke opens his eyes. “Fine.”
Naruto goes to the bathroom with a grin on his face. He
leaves door ajar behind him.
*~~*~~*~~*
“I have family.” Sasuke says while frowning at his plate
full of scrambled eggs. Ever since they got downstairs, the expression on his
face was not unlike of someone suffering from constipation. Naruto wants to
snicker at it, but there is only one thing Sasuke has a problem to eliminate
out of his body - explanations. His patience is being rewarded. “They would not
turn me out if I choose to go to them.”
Naruto doesn’t say that despite everything, he likes that
Sasuke chose to come to him. Back to
him; even if for a while. But if Sasuke has family he doesn’t go to and has no
home, then what kind of life he is leading? Moreover, for God’s sake, why?
“I don’t.” He says. It’s true. He’s pretty sure Sasuke knows
it. It’s better than silence.
Sasuke doesn’t acknowledge it in any way. “I haven’t seen
them in four years now.”
“I’m sure,” Naruto starts but he needs a pause to think up
what to say, exactly. Sasuke just told him that he hasn’t seen his family, by
choice, for four years. What do you say on that? “I’m sure they miss you and
are,” frantic, out of their minds,
“er, worried.”
“Usually when I get time – time off, I look like this.”
Sasuke makes vague gesture toward his face. “It’s not necessary for them to see
that.”
Also when he comes to see Naruto, he looks like that.
Usually. He chooses to come to Naruto
instead to his family? It’s not for comfort, because Naruto is horrible at
giving it and would be unable to offer without any idea what’s up anyway. And
he can’t even begin to picture Sasuke accepting it.
“So do they know about-” Naruto cuts himself again to think
about how to word it, because what he really wants is to ask is if Sasuke’s
mother knows how dreadfully thin he is.
“About what I do for a living? They do.”
Sasuke’s tone is light and amused now, as if Naruto’s lack
of eloquence is a good joke.
“What are you
doing for a living?” The amusement in Sasuke’s eyes tightens so Naruto rushed
forward. “No, don’t bother; I think I figured it out. You’re a spy.”
It is one of the theories, but Naruto means it more as a
joke right now. It does not seem likely that someone like him would know, not
to mention have sex with, can be something so cool. Well, not that whatever can
render the guy Naruto met four years ago to this bruised, closed off and small
person across the table from him can be all that cool. But still.
Sasuke stares at Naruto. The fork he was finally using to
start on his breakfast stays suspended in air. “A spy? How come?”
“Well, you always do these weird things, like last night.
Look up behind the doors and up at he ceiling, like you’re looking for
something. Someone. You never have any documents with you.” Even though
technically new information, and he had no time to connect it with this
particular theory, Naruto also points out, “You don’t have an address and phone
number. And you always take my clothes when you go away, never the things you
left before, even though it’s always clean and folded.”
Sasuke finally stops looking at him with that last point.
There are probably more things Naruto could mention, but he waits instead to
hear what Sasuke has to say. The answer comes after several long seconds. “I
guess I’m somewhat paranoid.”
“No shit.” Naruto snorts and picks to probe at the safest
subject. “So why do you look around my house like that? Do you think I’m a counter-spy?”
“It’s just a stupid habit. You are a school teacher, and you
watch too much television.”
Naruto doesn’t let that sidetrack him. “And you?”
“If I was a spy,” Sasuke tells him, finally taking some eggs
on his fork. “I would have told you I was a doctor. Or maybe a combat pilot.”
And that, of course, is not an answer at all. Naruto grounds
out, “Then what the hell can be so damn hard to talk….?”
Just then, Sasuke cocks his head a little and shushes him
with his hand. He is quiet and looking into the distance, as if listening
something Naruto can’t hear, until Naruto starts thinking that he is playing
tricks.
Sasuke asks, “Are you expecting someone?”
Put off by the whispering, Naruto shakes his head. Sasuke
stands up off the table and put his plate full of still warm eggs into the refrigerator,
together with the fork, piece of bred and his glass half full with juice.
Naruto watches him, dumbfounded.
“Don’t let in or say anything about me if it’s someone you
don’t know.” Sasuke orders quietly, before leaving the kitchen.
After a couple of seconds, the doorbell rings cheerfully
through the house. Nervous and a little bit afraid, Naruto walks out into the
hallway to answer the door. He pulls them open after taking a steadying breath
and on the other side; Kakashi is standing.
“Hello, Naruto.” He greets brightly.
“Hi.” Naruto responds, wondering what he should do. He
doesn’t actually know Kakashi. They were introduced, yeah, but maybe Sasuke
meant that he should only let in people he knows very well.
Wait, Kakashi is some kind of cop, isn’t he? Maybe Sasuke is
hiding from the police, maybe he is a criminal. That is one of the theories,
after all.
But no, Sasuke said he got Naruto’s new address from
Kakashi, and he can’t be hiding from Kakashi and getting information from him
in the same time. Unless Kakashi is corrupted, a dirty…
“Are you going to invite me in?” Kakashi interrupts Naruto’s
brainstorming.
“Why? What do you want?”
Kakashi points out the garment bag in his hand Naruto completely
failed to notice. “I brought Sasuke his uniform. Judge wants to see him
again.”
“Uniform?” Naruto asks suspiciously looking at the shiny
silver vinyl.
“It’s okay.” Sasuke speaks from practically behind Naruto.
When and how he got there is a mystery, but Naruto is relieved all the same. “Let
him in.”
Kakashi walks in before Naruto can gracefully gesture him inside.
It’s rather rude, Naruto thinks just before Kakashi looks up Sasuke up and down
and says, “You look better.”
Sasuke only frowns in turn. “You promised me a week off.”
“I know. This was unexpected. The judge wants to fill in
some blanks.”
“There are no blanks. My report is perfect.”
“This is very important case, Sasuke. You know this. If she
has questions, I’m sorry but you have to make time to answer them. You can have
a real vacation when things quiet down.”
It’s a weird conversation. Naruto finds himself looking at
Sasuke’s deep, angry scowl, waiting for an answer. Sasuke was looking fine that
morning, but the last night’s tiredness was already starting to shadow his face
after this short conversation.
“Once this trial is over, you won’t be able to find us for a
month.”
With that threat that Naruto is sure included him as well,
Sasuke takes the garment bag Kakashi was offering and walks away, toward the
stairs.
It’s uncomfortable, standing there in the middle of the
hall, alone with Kakashi.
“Do you want some coffee?” Naruto offers, only party because
that is the polite thing to do. Kakashi nods, so he leads the way back to the
kitchen.
While waiting for the kettle of water to boil, Naruto turns
around with the intent to make conversation. He doesn’t know what to say, he
should direct his questions and the growing suspicions to Sasuke. But he is
itching to make sure.
Sasuke says that Kakashi promised him a week off. And he was
talking about some report. He made it sound as if Kakashi was his boss. And
Kakashi is a cop – a cop that just cracked a huge case, by arresting a crime
lord of some sort. Now Naruto is maybe not the brightest bulb in the house, but
he isn’t a moron.
“It’s remarkable,” Kakashi says softly, startling him out of
his musing. “That you put up with this for so long.”
“With what?” Naruto thinks that he knows the answer to that,
but he is feeling defensive.
Kakashi ignores it. “It’s remarkable that you were letting
him come to you whenever he had to, without any explanations, for four years.
You barely knew each other when he had to go on this assignment.”
“How do you know it was without explanations?”
“This is a dangerous game,” Kakashi says, so lightly it
sounds inappropriate and it’s unnerving. “Of course we have been keeping an eye
on you.”
Naruto glares at him, pretty sure that means that he is
under some surveillance. He has nothing illegal to hide, but damn it. There are
everyday embarrassments he would rather keep to himself.
“So see, if Sasuke had broken the rules and said anything, I
would not go out of my way to make it possible for him to see you safely once
in awhile.” Kakashi’s tone is just barely darker. It’s still unnerving. “Not to
mention that putting you in that kind of danger would make him a bad cop, which
Sasuke is not.”
That is possibly a good explanation for why Sasuke was
finding it so hard to simply say that he is a cop. If it was so important for
him to hold silence for so long – even though Naruto could have snapped and
threw him out at any point – it must not be very easy to just – open, all of the sudden.
“Is he doing this sort of – undercover – thing often?” Naruto asks finally.
“I see you did not have enough time to talk about this.”
Kakashi answers with sly smile. “This sort of mission is something a cop can do
only once. Besides, Sasuke will certainly be promoted as soon as possible. Your
patience will pay off.”
…Patience? But Naruto was all but patient. He kept demanding
answers. He kept pushing Sasuke. It was a wonder why was he coming back at all.
It must have been really hard, to go someplace you knew you were only to be
asked same old questions you are not allowed to answer, over and over again.
Unexpectedly, Naruto feels embarrassed and unworthy. He
thinks of all the theories running through his head, about Sasuke the drug
addict, Sasuke the rent boy, Sasuke the spy, Sasuke in an abusive marriage with
a crazy woman. He was being ridiculous.
Sasuke walks in while Naruto is still thinking about it, in
his perfectly ironed uniform of blue and black, with the cape in his hands. He
looks over, expecting to see Naruto’s reaction. The uniform makes him look even
more striking, colors in perfect synchronization with his complexion, cut just
so to point out all the perfect angles of his body. Naruto has to smile, partly
happy Sasuke is looking right back at him and partly growing aroused at an unbelievable
rate.
“I thought,” Naruto says after clearing his throat. “That
this sort of thing, going undercover and that, is just something from the
movies.”
Sasuke smirks slightly, possibly pleased about not having to
actually voice that he is a cop and that he was on a mission for the last four
years and that was the reason for his mysteriousness. “It’s not as glamorous,
definitely.”
“I’ll wait outside.” Kakashi announces before leaving the
kitchen. Naruto doesn’t even turn to see him off, because Sasuke is walking
toward him. His eye is still bruised, of course, but somehow even that fits
into the picture. Everything feels as if it’s on its own rightful place,
finally.
Naruto offers his hand as soon as Sasuke is close enough,
smiling. Sasuke takes it, backs him up against the kitchen table and kisses him
right there. It’s doesn’t last nearly long enough.
“I’ll be back as soon as the judge fills in her blanks.” Sasuke stresses out.
Naruto wants to be selfish and hold him for it, but he
shakes his head. “No, you won’t.”
“I will. It’s just a formality, it won’ take…”
“I know, but you should go see your family.” In his arms, Naruto
can feel Sasuke wince a bit. He squeezes harder, regretting just a little bit
his actions are ruining the fresh crisp of Sasuke’s uniform.
“Fine.” Sasuke agrees, not happily. “I’ll go see them
first.”
“But come back later, okay? Tonight?” Sasuke nods and starts
retreating. Naruto, embarrassed but determined, keeps him for a moment longer,
with a solid grip on Sasuke’s sleeve. “Like this, okay?”
“Like what?”
Waving curtly at his entire appearance, Naruto mutters,
“Like, er - wearing that.”
Sasuke glances down at his uniform and says, surprisingly solemn,
“Ah. Fine.” Maybe he missed his uniform. Alternatively, maybe he thought before
about all the things that are now playing out in Naruto’s head at the speed of
light.
They walk together to the front door. Kakashi is just
outside, waiting patiently. He gives Naruto an odd look and smiles again his
sly, hidden smile. It must be that Naruto’s face looks as hot as it feels.
Sasuke brushes his hand against Naruto’s one last time
before walking out, but he doesn’t look back or says goodbye. That’s quite
alright. It is Naruto’s first time ever to walk him out, see him leaving, but
it is also his first time to have Sasuke’s promise that he would come back.
Kakashi leads Sasuke to the jeep that is parked across the
street, where Naruto can barely see across his spacious front yard. Despite the
distance, he doesn’t miss when Sasuke turns to look back him through the closed
window, even with weak sunshine reflecting from the glass. The last of the
uncertainty disappears and the knowledge rips through him: Sasuke will definitely come back. Tonight.
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