Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

The End	By : Meadow Category: Naruto > General Views: 1126 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, and I do not make any money from these writings. pout

Chapter List
- 1-The End
- 1
Warning: This story
contains mentions of suicide and gives the impression of main character death,
as well as allusions to one-sided love of the yaoi variety. It is also written from the first person POV,
and Naruto is OOC. Manga
spoilers through chapter 440.

~~~~~~~~~~
The End
~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sick of this. I’m
so very tired of not being enough for anybody, when I give them everything of
me. I have been working my whole life to
be acknowledged, to be worthy of love, but no matter what I do, I will never be
more than I am now, and I don’t want to be.
Not anymore.

I thought I was in love with Sakura. She says that she loves me, but I can’t
believe her, not when her kisses are forced, and she looks at me with
resignation. I think she wants to be in
love with me, I really do, and I know she cares about me, but not enough. She will never give all of herself to me the
way I was prepared to for her. I can’t
live like this, and it’s not fair to allow her to continue the charade she’s
trying to make herself believe. She
deserves better.

Kakashi-sensei? I was never his favorite. Sure, I amused him at times, and I think he
likes me to some degree, but I’m not Sasuke, and Kakashi doesn’t need me.

I have helped people.
Konohamaru looks up to me, but he has his own
friends, and we’re not really close.
Neji must respect me to a point, but he still acts superior to me, and I
suppose he is. Gaara… I understand Gaara. We’re the same, but Gaara never tried to be
more than his monster. He shut himself
off early. Now I think he was
right. I wish I had allowed those hated
words to sink in, I wish I hadn’t tried so hard to pretend the words didn’t
hurt, or try to prove them wrong. There
was never any point. I am still
alone.

Iruka-sensei cares about me.
I know he does, but he has new students to teach, and he has no time for
me. That’s okay, though, I want him to
be happy and to help others as much as he helped me. I can’t be selfish.

Tsunade? She is Hokage. She feels something for me, but she acts so
cold. I don’t know why she can seem so
nice one minute, and then the next, it’s like she doesn’t even know me. I miss Jiraiya. Even so, he was never reliable. He didn’t have time for me either. I was a burden on him, and though he didn’t
complain much, and I’m sure I made him happy at times, he didn’t need me.

Then there’s Sasuke. My first friend. Now
that I have lived a bit longer, now that he’s been away for so long and I have
begun a relationship with Sakura, I have come to realize that for all these
years, I have been in love with Uchiha Sasuke.
I always admired him, and hated that he never seemed to appreciate all
that he had. Everyone liked him, but you
know, I think he was just as alone as me.
Somehow I always knew that. We
were alike. We were friends, but again, I wasn’t enough. I tried so hard to make him stay. To keep him from leaving me, us, everyone,
but it was never enough. I could never keep
Sasuke, not when I cared so much more for him than he did for me. He would never accept my help, and if he
wouldn’t believe he needed me, then why would he stay? What I had to offer was nothing in comparison
to power and revenge. I was nothing to him
in the long run.

So, here I am with this stupid scroll that I have filled so
full with my bitter words of self-pity.
It’s pathetic. I’m pathetic. I’m sitting on the carving of the fourth
Hokage. I don’t want to me think of my
father. He wouldn’t be proud of me like
I am now. I know he believed I would
change the world, but I can’t. I’ve
already given too much of myself. My
father died for the village. I wish my
death would be a hero’s death. I- I
just. I don’t know. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. It doesn’t help; it just makes me see how
much of a dobe I really am.

I know my life’s not that bad. I am acknowledged by quite a few people now,
and I have precious people, but I just want to be someone’s most precious
person. If I stayed here, maybe I would
become that, but I don’t want to live with false hope anymore. I’m so tired of living my life based on the
hope that one day I will be happy. What
is happiness anyway? I don’t think
anyone is ever truly happy with their life, but if they’re not, why do they act
like it?

I have finally had enough.
It’s time. I wish I was
stronger. Wait- no, I don’t. I want this to end. Please let this ache inside die along with my
body. The final hope I will allow
myself, is the hope that the Kyuubi will not prevent me from taking the last
step. I don’t want to be here
anymore. I’m sorry everyone. So sorry if what I am going to do will cause
you pain, but I am finally going to be selfish, and in the end, my absence
won’t really matter. You will move on,
and that is one of the things that hurts the
most. I would have liked to have been so
important to one person, just one person, that they would have not been able to
go on without me. Stupid wish, I know. I just… Never mind. Goodbye.

A/N:
            I have been
reading fanfiction for years and have wanted to try writing my own tales.; unfortunately, I was never able to get a single
chapter out. I’d always type up all
these story notes, and then my plot bunnies would turn vicious and point out
plot holes. Scary beasts…
            This oneshot is completely different from anything I’ve ever
attempted before. I’m a fluff-loving
girl. Sure a little angst is okay, but I
better have a happy ending, Buster!
            Anyway,
last night, real life had me down, and I needed to get some of my own
frustrations out. What always makes me
feel better? Naruto - and yaoi! - so I had a little therapy session in the form of this fic. Sadly, yaoi, at
least more than the brief mention of Naruto’s mushy feelings for Sasuke, did
not fit into this story. *shakes head in
dismay* Still, this
sad little oneshot ironically made me feel better,
and I hope it does the same for someone else.
            Well, with
any luck, this has broken me out of writer’s block, and I will be able to post
more in the future with lots of happy boy love. ;)


EDIT: Just wanted to add that I don't believe suicide is ever the best course of action. If you are seriously considering suicide, please talk to someone. You ARE necessary.
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