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And Every Dog Will Have Its Day	By : PenelopeZ Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1494 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-And Every Dog Will Have Its Day
- 1
Apparently the rumour first originated from Sakura, who gossiped to Ino, who told Chouji, who in turn mentioned it to Hinata in an attempt to distract her from the bag of crisps she was eating at the time. Hinata blushed, stammered, and wondered why her crisps had vanished, but later cunningly used the news as a diversion tactic during a spar with Neji, thus scoring her first ever victory against him, as he keeled over in a dead faint. Score one for the Main House.

The aforementioned rumour, along with Hiashi�s victorious whoops, was overheard by Lee, on his thirty-seventh lap around Konoha, who promptly sent the message with smoke signals across the desert to Gaara. Gaara mostly blinked. The flow of information would have been halted there, but the smoke signals did not go unnoticed by Kankuro, who mentioned the rumour to Temari, who later informed Shikamaru during her next visit to Konoha, and who then finally told Kiba over a couple of beers at a shady establishment - shady for Konoha that is, meaning that the waitress wore lipstick - that apparently Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto were now gay for each other.

�What the hell? Who is what for who?� Kiba spluttered, dousing himself and Shikamaru with beer. �And why am I the last to know anything?�

Shikamaru glared at him, wiping foam from his brow. �Shino didn�t know.�

�I did,� Shino replied unruffled, somehow managing to take a sip from his glass without pulling down his high collar.

�See?�

�So troublesome. Tenten and Sai don�t know either.�

�Since when did Tenten and Sai ever know anything at all? And since when have you been hanging around with Temari?� Kiba looked around for a towel to clean his beer-sticky hands, gave up, and wiped himself on Akamaru instead, who barked in indignation.

�I believe I was asking her out on a date at the time.�

�You and Temari. Hot, older, jonin, legs-that-go-for-miles, prickly-as-a-cactus Temari? The Kazekage�s sister royal-blooded Temari? And did I mention older, and did I mention hot, and did I mention the stupendous leg length? Was it a date you got from her in the end, or a kunai in the ass?�

�You�re more troublesome than my mother.�

�Are you calling me a woman?!�

�More troublesome than Temari even.�

�Are you asking me out?!�

*

The general consensus was that this had been the longest, most mind-numbingly boring and swelteringly hot summer in the history of Konoha. June had shown some promise, with the arrival of Konoha�s celebrity missing nin. The prodigal son had returned, looking sharp in a well-ventilated shirt, a purple belt, and a touch of eyeliner. Sasuke posed for the crowds, signed a couple of autographs, shook hands with the newly appointed president of his fan club, and then leaped on Naruto, in what was later revealed to be a hug and not an assassination attempt.

In retrospect, what with the easy-access outfit, the purple accessories and the rather desperate leaping Kiba should have been able to put two and two together and come up with so-very-gay-for-Naruto, but at the time he was busy clawing at his eyes at the half naked vision, wondering if it was a requirement for all Sound nins to wax their chests, and whether someone could cover Uchiha with a blanket. Akamaru took a sniff at Sasuke�s eau de cologne and sneezed.

Everyone was tense for the next few weeks, expecting something monumentally evil and catastrophic to happen. Nothing happened. Then some more nothing happened. By July, birds would fall from their branches out of sheer boredom, the cobblestones steamed from the heat, ice-creams would evaporate before they even had the chance to melt, and everyone had resigned to the fact that they would be sweaty and stinky ten minutes after leaving the shower, that all missions would involve either peeling potatoes or unplugging sinks, and that nothing would ever happen again in the entire history of the world.

By August, Kiba started to pray for Sound to attack. He had disliked Sasuke even before he was inflicted with the curse seal of perpetual PMS, but at least his return had promised some excitement. Now it was finally revealed that all the excitement from Sasuke�s return was happening in Naruto�s pants.

*

�Perhaps Naruto is not really into it. Perhaps he does it to keep Uchiha in constant post-coital bliss, so that he doesn�t get grumpy and burn Konoha to the ground, and dance over our charred remains.� Kiba took a swing of his beer, trying to forget the fact he had just used the words Uchiha and post-coital in the same sentence.

�Yeah, I�m sure he is being a patriot. He just closes his eyes and thinks of Konoha.�

�I say we should have left that jackass in the barrel. And didn�t he have a brother to kill, or something?� Kiba mumbled, pillowing his head on Shino�s arm. �Where�s my beer?�

�You had enough.�

�Shuddup, Shinoooo�� Kiba reached for his beer and failed. He concentrated his chakra, found his inner chi, calculated the distance with trained shinobi eyes, flailed about helplessly and managed to grab the bottle without spilling too much. He squinted at it.

�Why are there bugs floating in my beer?�

�I told you, you had enough to drink.�

�I hate you. When training tomorrow, me your ass I kick. Rar. Right, Akamaru?�

�You know, out of all people in our year, you and Shino remind me of Naruto and Sasuke the most.� Shikamaru mused, raising a thoughtful eyebrow.

�Um,� Kiba said eloquently, suddenly sobering up, as he was caught in a vision of an alternative universe where heartthrob Shino, the last-of-the-Aburame avenger, cackled evilly, as his bugs darkened the sky over Konoha, while Kiba, the village idiot, faced him off with a huge spray can of DDT. His brain attempted to make sense of it, exploded in the process, and gently leaked out of his ears.

�Whah? You mean that me and Shino are gonna be gay for each other?!�

�I didn�t say anything like that!�

�You take that back, Nara, you take that back immediately!� Kiba nudged Shino. �And why aren�t you saying anything, Aburame? Waitaminute, Shino are you blushing? Why the hell are you blushing? You take that blush back immediately!�

*

Problem was, Kiba really missed Naruto. Naruto had grown on him, like an obnoxious orange fungus. They weren�t best friends, which was a relief, since under the light of recent developments being best friends with Naruto apparently involved the dexterous plucking of his manly flower, but they were best buddies. It was a truth universally acknowledged that Naruto had more layers than an onion, but unlike everyone else, Kiba disregarded the hidden oniony depths, in favour of the shallow Naruto exterior, the one that had mastered the art of a damn good spitbomb. Kiba was probably the only one of Naruto�s friends, that in the face of danger would not only refuse to die for Naruto, but would not even hesitate to use Naruto as a human shield, if push came to shove. Unlike Neji for example. He�d die for Naruto. Hell, Neji would die to get Naruto a clean pair of socks. It was probably all connected with Neji�s desire to enter the flower plucking business.

Kiba and Naruto had a beautiful bond, not understood by many. It was not the bond of brotherhood and blood, of destiny and loneliness, of hidden demons and scarred souls, it was the bond between two men, who at age seventeen still thought that fart jokes were cool.

In May, Kiba and Naruto had pulled together seventy-three pranks and gotten into thirty-nine fistfights, the last one ending when they accidentally demolished one of the Yamanaka�s flowerbeds, and Ino�s dad pulled the Shintenshin no Jutsu on them and made them spank each other. Good times. But now, at any time the two attempted to hang out, Orochimaru�s ex go-go boy would appear in a flash, sock Naruto in the jaw (an integral part of the Uchiha mating ritual probably), and then they would start arguing and take off to the woods to train, terrorise unsuspecting genins, start fires, raze trees, drain rivers, upset the ecological balance, endanger species and probably do some further flower plucking.

*

Feeling sentimental the next morning, Kiba shook off his hangover and the memories of Shino blushing, and giving into a monumentally bad urge, he armed himself with a can of lime green paint and made his way to the Hokage mountain. To pay tribute to a lost comrade. The one fallen into the great sinkhole of Uchiha�s libido. Unfortunately, Konohamaru and the other two pint-sized genin pests were already hard at work. Kiba shrugged, and climbed further on, until he found a graffiti-free corner on the Fourth�s left cheek.

He was halfway through the S of �Sasuke-chan sux kok� when the female of the three brats swung over to his side, and introduced herself as Moegi she-who-has-the-sex-appeal-of-an-adult. A flash of prepubescent thigh and Kiba�s world went hurtling into the abyss. He lost his footing, hang momentarily from the Yondaime�s nose, and then fell, splashing himself with lime green paint, spraining his ankle and taking a chunk of the Fourth�s left nostril down with him.

The fact that Shino had to give him a piggy-back ride back home did not improve his mood in the slightest. Kiba gave a disgruntled sigh, and wiggled, increasingly feeling as if something was creeping around inside his trousers.

�Shino, one of your bugs is crawling up my thigh. Am I to interpret this as a come-on?�

And because the universe officially hated Kiba, just to confirm his darkest suspicions, Shino�s skin, whatever was visible of it anyway, was turning slowly into that attractive tomato shade again.

�Why the hell are you blushing again?! Molester!� he hollered.

�I was just checking for injuries.�

�I sprained my ankle, not my crotch! And how on earth did you find me so quickly? Stalker!�

�Kiba, that�s enough.�

�Don�t you enough me, Uchiha lite! My man-flower is a definite no-go!�

�Duly noted.�

�Enough with the kikai groppage! Put me down! And will you ever stop with the blushing!�

Then Shino socked him in the jaw, and they argued all the way back to Kiba�s house. His ankle hurt too much to go training, so they sat glaring at each other for some time, until Shino took off. It was still August. Damn August. He put the Yondaime�s nostril on the mantelpiece, next his grandmother�s porcelain unicorns, and glared at it instead.

*

Another day, another life-threatening potato peeling mission with Team Ten. Ninja life was fraught with adventure, danger looming in every turn. It was still August. Sound still refused to live up to its reputation and attack. Wimps. Uchiha was off somewhere doing his nails or doing Naruto. At least Shino was nowhere to be found either.

And then �Kiba, sorry I�m late,� the voice of imminent molestation whispered in his ear.

�Argh!� Kiba jumped in the air, landing face down into the small mountain of potato peels.

�Is this a new combat move?� Ino said dryly, pulling out a piece of potato that had landed in her cleavage.

�Get away from me, Aburame!�

�Why should Shino get away from you?� Chouji asked in confusion, looking at a potato and probably wondering how it would taste raw.

�Shino is too bold with his advances,� Shikamaru snickered. �Kiba wants to be courted first, he is an old-fashioned damsel.�

�Shikamaru! Don�t say shit like that in front of Hinata!�

�And as this hysterical outburst points out, we can safely assume that Kiba is the whiny, pushy bottom of the equation.�

�That does it!� Kiba screamed, seeing red, and leaped at the lazy bastard.

*

Two hours later, and adorned with a brand new black eye, identical to the one Shikamaru was currently sporting, Kiba was unfortunate enough to bump into Naruto and Sasuke. Naruto hugged him happily, while Uchiha�s eyes promised disembowelment.

�So, Kiba, you haven�t had the chance to catch up with Sasuke since he came back, have you?� Naruto smiled, radiating wholesome innocence.

Kiba looked at Sasuke. Sasuke looked at Kiba. Kiba tried to find something to say. �Nice weather we are having� was not exactly inspired. �How does the avenging forecast for next year look like? Ever going to kill that pesky brother?� would probably land him in an early grave. �I hear you are gay for Naruto� lacked a certain finesse. �So the resurrecting of the clan plan is a now a no-go?� was a tad insensitive.

Not to mention that his eyes kept being diverted from Sasuke�s face, to the vast gleaming expanse of his chest. He felt the urge to attack him with a potato sack. The weather was hot all right, and Sasuke was probably proud of the result of his stomach crunches and wanted to advertise them, but this was getting ridiculous. And that purple belt had to go. He fled at the first sight of nipple, and went in search for some acid to rinse his eyeballs.

*

He found Chouji, Shikamaru and Neji lazing about, lying as usual at the hill slope. Shikamaru would watch the clouds. Neji would watch the birds. Chouji would toss potato chips in the air and catch them with his mouth. It was a thing.

Kiba sat with them for a while and sweated like a pro. The evening wind was useless, it just shifted the heat around and smacked it right back into his face.

�Doesn�t any other evil overlord in the vicinity want Uchiha? I thought he was hot stuff. Can we pay someone to abduct him again? We could start a petition, get some funding. And didn�t he have a clan to avenge? What is he doing here, apart from Naruto?�

�Apparently, he is healing. Emotionally. At least, that�s what the pink wonder said.� Shikamaru said lazily.

�Well, mend these broken wings and learn to fly again Uchiha! Any minute now! Time to leave the nest!�

�Leave birds out of this,� Neji complained, giving Kiba the lavender glare.

�Couldn�t Naruto find anyone else to be gay for?� Kiba started to grumble, and was cut off by Neji who abruptly stood up, stepping over Chouji's crisps.

�Open mouth, insert foot,� Shikamaru sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, as Neji started banging his forehead against the nearest tree. The three watched in fascination as it creaked, swayed and then began its slow yet inevitable descent. �He�s a bit touchy on the subject.�

�Just a tad,� Kiba agreed, as the unfortunate tree -roots and everything - rolled down the hill in increasing speed towards a group of jonins having a picnic.

*

It was all Akamaru�s fault. If he didn�t hate bathing so much, Kiba wouldn�t have to push him, and end up falling into the river instead. The current was happily carrying him to the direction of the waterfall, as he struggled to get a footing on the water and climb on to the surface. And then, at the shallow waters to his left, he saw them.

Kiba had hoped that Sasuke and Naruto were gay for each other in the handholding way, but he couldn�t exactly fault the Uchiha, if one puts his avenging plans on hold, then one would probably expect some chuunin booty in return.

Apparently imminent death did sharpen the senses, which in Kiba�s case was rather unfortunate. They were all sorts of naked. His death-sharpened eyes could see the water gleaming on their abs, and the flushed skin, and the raven hair tangling with golden tresses and the, oh god, make it stop. His death-sharpened ears could hear Sasuke mumbling something that suspiciously sounded like �you�re my first, my last, my everything,� over the roar of the river. Naruto looked about to start bawling. There were butterflies. Possibly a rainbow too. Perhaps all this was a near-death induced hallucination.

Uchiha had a look that Kiba had never seen before on him. It was the look of �why do birds suddenly appear, every time that you are near?� His eyes sparkled with love. It was way scarier than the Sharingan.

If he called out to them, they would probably help him. It was a choice between Uchiha�s doe eyes and the waterfall. The choice was rather obvious.

He fell off the edge, coughing and choking, suspended for a moment in mid air, as his life flashed before his eyes. Then the moment passed, and he was still suspended in mid air.

�Shino, what the hell? Why are your bloody bugs carrying me? What are you doing here?�

�Saving your life, it seems.�

�Stalker!�

Shino spread his arms from the riverside, as the kikai gently carried Kiba into his embrace. Fuck that shit. He ducked the open arms, kicked Shino in the face, broke his sunglasses and they rolled on the ground for a few times, ending up with Kiba on the bottom. Typical.

�Argh, your eyes are black! Onyx black! Another piece of the Uchiha lite puzzle!�

�Kiba, you are being completely unreasonable and I�m losing all patience here.�

�I�m your first, your last, and your everything, right? Get off me!�

Shino pushed him down again, fingers digging into his shoulders. �Look, Kiba. If I was in Sasuke�s place, and you were in Naruto�s, with all that had happened between us, what would you have done if you saw me again?�

�Kill you,� Kiba snarled. �Get all the dogs of the clan to tear you from limb to limb as you scream and scream and--�

�Good. So you are not Naruto. And I�m not Sasuke. Which is fine, since I don't really look good in open shirts. Are we now clear?�

�There were butterflies.� Kiba whined. �And possibly a rainbow too.�

�What on earth, did you get a concussion?�

�You still want to get your bugs in my pants, don�t you?� Shino blushed, and to his horror Kiba did too.

�Right, never mind, let me up now, Shino, I think there�s gravel embedded in my ass. What, what are you doing? Wait, don�t come any closer! Shin--nnmpf!�

*

Neji had fallen unconscious at the first mention of Naruto sans clothing. Chouji had stopped eating. Shikamaru was turning slightly green, matching the grass they were lying on. �I think they must be soul mates or something,� he said, making the word sound vaguely threatening and possibly infectious, kinda like some sort of romantic herpes.

�We need to break them up.� Kiba declared.

Shikamaru gave him a look. �I do value my life you know.�

�But we must save them from their awful awful love. Man, I�m telling you, it�s not normal. They are spiralling down and down into a black well, and at its bottom there are diamond rings and wedding bells and man-babies.�

�I�m not saving Sasuke and Naruto from their imminent man-babies. Oh, which reminds me--� Shikamaru pulled something from his pocket, stretched it out, and let it fly, hitting Kiba in the face. A thong. A light blue thong. A light blue thong with patterns of the Suna symbol.

�That means nothing. It could be - it could be Kankuro�s!�

�I have a word for you. It starts with trouble, and ends with som--�

�So, wait a minute� Kiba interrupted him. �You let your girlfriend walk commando all the way back to Suna across the desert, to show off to your mates? You are a prince among men, Shikamaru.�

�She is staying over,� Shikamaru said hesitantly. �Dinner with my family tomorrow.�

Kiba blinked. Soul mates all around. The disease was spreading.

�Hey!� he shouted at the approaching Shino. �Are you by any chance my soul mate or something?�

�Is the position open for auditions?� Shino asked calmly.

�Hell no! Hey, everyone, me and Shino are not soul mates!�

�Um, hurrah?� Chouji said, squinting into his empty bag of crisps. �I swear there was one more left.�

�We are not? But I have already started composing my epic love ode to your eyes and pectoral muscles.�

Kiba blinked in abject horror, but realised Shino�s cheekbones had sharpened, which meant he was probably grinning. �Don�t make jokes Aburame, it�s creepy. And we are not doing anything on Valentine�s day!�

�I will cancel the candle-lit dinner reservation then.�

�I still don�t trust you, sneaky bastard. You might pull a soul mate no jutsu, any minute when I�m distracted. What do you have in that box, you�re carrying? It better not be a heart-shaped chocolate.�

�It�s beer. Of which you are not having any.�

�I hate you, Shino.�

�Get a room you two,� Shikamaru sighed tiredly.

�Do you want another black eye, Nara?� Kiba stretched out on the grass again, peering at the stars. The stars peered down at him dejectedly, probably as bored out of their skulls as he was. He didn�t complain when Shino lay down next to him, shoulders touching, but at the first sign of bugs in his trousers again, he was a goner. �I wish Sound would bloody attack already. Move your fat ass, Kabuto! Man, I hate this August.�

�It�s the third of September!� everyone shouted at him, including Neji who had just woken up from his naked Naruto induced coma.

Kiba was preparing his scathing retort, a retort so sharp and acidic that it would leave all those bastards that dared to call themselves his friends in floods of tears, when suddenly a warm weight settled on his chest, and he received a very sweet and very wet kiss with lots and lots of tongue, from his best friend, his most precious person, his one and only, his everything. �Only you can understand me, Akamaru,� he grumbled, rubbing his dog between the ears.

The end
- 1
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And Every Dog Will Have Its Day