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Bad Education	By : redjunko Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 2015 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Bad Education
- 1
Bad Education

by red.junko

Now taking in more crack requests : )

It was six months until Naruto found Sasuke again. This time, like before, it was in an underground cavern---a maze of stone walls, moss and dirt. They had decided to split up once they entered the snake's domicile, Sai and Naruto, Sakura and Yamato. But it wasn't long before Naruto managed to shake off Sai.
He wanted to face Sasuke alone.

It was personal.

Instead, when he burst into the room hollering the Uchiha's name, he found that his raven-haired friend was not alone. In fact, the boy was with the snake, on his knees, on the floor. . . naked. Naruto stood there, eyes wide and in horror, and watched Orochimaru, hands on Sasuke's porcelain hips, pumping for his life.

He fled. But the images of Sasuke's glistening forehead, Orochimaru's drooling mouth and Sasuke's deep echoing voice commanding "Faster! Deeper! Ahhh. . ." haunted Naruto's dreams hence on. In fact, after three nights of continuous dreaming about homo-love, Naruto stopped sleeping.

"You've got to get some sleep you know," Kakashi said, on one of those nights when Naruto called up his sensei to keep him company in a nearby late night cafe. "You look terrible."

"One more!" Naruto signalled to the waitress, pointing at his empty cup of coffee.

Kakashi sighed. "Naruto. . . I know that this must be really hard on you, your relationship with Sasuke. . . to find him betraying you like this. . ."

"What?" Naruto stared blearily at Kakashi. "What are you talking about?"

"It's okay Naruto," Kakashi touched his student's hand gently. "People move on. You'll find a new love."

"HAH?!" Naruto cried, but shut his mouth when the waitress came to serve him his coffee. He leaned forward and glared at Kakashi. "You think I'm in love with Sasuke?!"

"You don't have to deny it Naruto," Kakashi said warmly. "I can see underneath the underneath."

"Kakashi-sensei BAKA!" Naruto swiped away the masked jounin's hand. "You don't know anything!"

"All right, tell me then," Kakashi sighed, as if he could not be convinced otherwise but was willing to play along.

"That usuratonkachi, you know what he said before I ran off?" Naruto's face grew dark. "He said: 'Hn, I bet your sensei never did this for you, dobe. Ahh yeah, harder Orochimaru!'---idiot Sasuke!"

Kakashi sweatdropped.

"And you know what, baka Sasuke is right!" Naruto slammed his fist on the table. "Now he thinks he's all better than me! How come Jiraiya never took me up the arse huh?! What, I'm not good enough?!"

Kakashi sweatdropped.

"My arse is a thousand times better than his! It's so virgin tight it'd make any man cream his pants!"

Kakashi shuffled uncomfortably, as the other diners in the restaurant started giving him suspicious looks.

"I can kage bunshin one thousand bouncy arses! I can do it all night! I ca---"

Kakashi clasped his genin's mouth shut, dragged the boy out of the cafe, then dragged him five blocks down.

"WAAAAA WHAT'S THAT FOR KAKASHI-SENSEI?!!"

The masked jounin sighed. "Naruto. . . sometimes I forget that you don't have much of an underneath the underneath to see."

"How did you know I wasn't wearing any underpants?"

"Nevermind. . ."

"Anyway, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto suddenly looked shy. "I've been wanting to ask you. . . well. . . do you want to. . ."

"Want what?" Kakashi asked, suddenly feeling panicky.

Naruto blushed, "Do me. . ."

Kakashi took in a deep breath, exhaled, and placed a hand on the young blonde's shoulder. "Naruto, it's not that I think you're unattractive---"

"You think I'm not cute!" Tears started welling up in the fox blonde's deep blue eyes.

"No, that's not it!"

"I bet you did Sasuke during the chuunin exam when you taught him the chidori!"

This was true, but Kakashi thought this was a particularly bad time to be truthful with the sobbing kyuubi vessel. "No, I would never stick it up Sasuke's bum, Naruto. You know that I treat all three of you equally," he choked a bit at the word 'equally'.

"Really?" the tears began to subside from the blonde's eyes.

"Yes, really," Kakashi lied.

"That's good, cos if you were going to do it, you'd better do it to all three of us, and you'd have to do it to Sakura too," Naruto said, sniffing. "Can't leave her out just cos she's a girl."

Kakashi patted the blonde's shoulder, "Of course, Naruto." Ah Sakura. . . that damn girl really knew how to suck him dry. . .

"Then what am I going to do?" Naruto sniffled, looking dejectedly on the floor.

"Well. . . didn't you ask Jiraiya?" Kakashi scratched his head, although he could already guess Jiraiya's answer.

"He can't. . . He just finished a testicle operation," Naruto pouted. "I asked him."

Kakashi didn't want to know why the frog hermit had to have an operation on his testicles, but he had a nasty feeling it might have to do with Jiraiya hiding in Tsunade's bathroom last week. . .

"Naruto," Kakashi said finally. "You're an attractive boy, I'm sure you'll have no problem finding someone."

"But Kakashi-sensei, why can't you do it?"

Kakashi sighed. "Naruto, I would if I could, but you have what it's called. . . a wonderbutt."

"Eh?!"

"The kyuubi possesses a wonderbutt no jutsu, one that although gives a man unlimited amount of pleasure at the act of penetration, will suck him dry of his life force," Kakashi explained. "In other words, you have a killer butt. . . literally."

"Whaaaat?!!!" Naruto's eyes widened in disbelief.

"Anyone who does it up your arse dies," Kakashi said plainly.

"BUT WHY?!!"

"Let's just say that the kyuubi is. . . fanatically homophobic."

"So no one will want to take me up the bum. . . ever?!"

The horror and disappointment on Naruto's face made Kakashi's heart drop. "I'm very sorry Naruto." Indeed, he was really truly sorry.

Naruto spent the next few sleepless nights wandering around Konoha, plagued by memories of Sasuke and Orochimaru, and weighed down by the truth of his nature. A few times he tried to to talk the Kyuubi out of his homophobia, but at the slightest mention of 'stick' and 'hole', where 'hole' referred to Naruto's, Kyuubi would fly into an indescribable maddening rage that lasted for hours. Eventually, Naruto gave up trying to convert the Kyuubi to the side of free love and pedestry.

On the seventh night, lethargic and deprived of sleep, Naruto collapsed into his cup of coffee---frightening the cafe waitress who immediately called for an ambulance. When he woke up, three days after, he found himself in a small room, dressed only in hospital gown. His mouth was dry and his stomach wailed for food.

"I see you're awake."

He could barely muster enough energy to turn around to see his visitor.

"Let me give you a chakra boost."

He felt a warm glow from his right hand, and liveliness running through him. "Baa-chan. . ."

Tsunade smiled, then scowled at him. "Now tell me what you were doing wandering around Konoha with severe sleep deprivation! If you have a problem you should have come to me you brat!"

"I'm hungry. . ."

"Don't change the subject! And why didn't you tell me you asked Kakashi to take you up the bum?!"

"How did you know that?" Naruto cried, his chakra levels still being boosted by Tsunade.

"Kakashi told me."

"Arghh! Why did Kakashi-sensei do that?!" Naruto made a face.

"He was worried about you, and. . . he told me you knew about the wonderbutt," Tsunade said.

Naruto was quiet. Damn killer butt of his!

"Look Naruto," Tsunade began. "Just because Sasuke's sensei did it to him, doesn't mean you have to have it done to you too, you know."

"Whatever," he turned away.

"Whether or not your sensei does you up you know where doesn't make you a better ninja," Tsunade continued.

"But I want to be better than Sasuke!" Naruto growled. "I can do whatever he can do! Plus. . . I only asked Kakashi-sensei cos pervert sannin wouldn't do it to me."

"You asked Jiraiya?!"

"Yeah well, Orochimaru's a sannin and he's doing Sasuke, so Jiraiya should do me! Then we'd be equal! Baka Sasuke! I hate him and his loose butt!" Naruto howled angrily.

"Brat! I've never met a bigger idiot than you!" Tsunade pulled the blonde's ear.

"YAAA! STOP IT BAA-CHAN!"

"And why did you ask Jiraiya and not me?!" She demanded, yanking his ear harder.

"Why would I ask you?!"

"I'm a sannin too you stupid brat!" Tsunade let go, and smacked the boy on his head.

Naruto's face beamed. "You mean. . . you're saying. . . you'd do me up the bum?!"

"Idiot! I don't have the package to do you up the bum!" Tsunade smacked him again.

"That's no good," Naruto pouted, crossing his arms.

"I don't know why I put up with you," Tsunade sighed, then turning to the blonde, she barked. "Take it off."

"Take what off?"

"Your hospital gown."

"But it's cold!"

"Shut up and take it off, brat!" Tsunade locked the door of the ward.

Naruto sat up, and slowly took off his gown. He hugged his legs together, suspicion on his face. "Hey, hey! Why are you taking off your clothes?"

"Shut up," Tsunade dropped her pale green kimono on the floor, stepped out of the trousers. Naked, she faced the blonde squarely. "What do you think?"

"What do you mean what do I think?!" Naruto cried, panicking. "I think---". His words were garbled when Tsunade flung herself against his naked body, and crashed her mouth into his.

Naruto's eyes went wide, and wider as Tsunade invaded his mouth with her tongue, tickling him. He felt his face hot when he realised that her hand was stroking his stomach, slowly making its way down. . .

She broke the kiss. "Relax, brat."

"What're you trying to do?" He managed to gasp out as he felt himself fondled by her hand.

She grinned darkly. "Think of it as. . . a check up," she caressed his neck. "As your doctor, I want to make sure you're at the. . . peak of health," she gave his member a little tug and he moaned. "Very good, now let's see if there's anything wrong with this," she took his testicles in her hands, playing with them.

He tried to repress it, but the groan escaped from his mouth. He felt himself getting hard as she started nibbling on his neck, her big breasts pressed against his frame. Shyly at first, he kissed her back. The more she touched him down there, the harder his kisses became. He started biting her, her lips, her neck. He groped her breasts, sucked her tongue.

Tsunade laughed when he pushed her off him, and moaned when he jumped on top of her, penetrating her. His face was flushed red, and she thought it was both cute and arousing how focused his eyes were, as if he was concentrating really hard. He thrusted into her, and whimpered. She encouraged him on, and the thrusts became harder, deeper.

"Ahh, I can't---"

And then he came, he burst in her, and fell on top of her as he climaxed. Tsunade sighed, wrapped her arms around the boy, then stroked his sweaty forehead. She wasn't even half done yet. "First timers. . ." She gave a defeated smile at the mess of blonde hair on her chest. "Naruto, you've got a lot to learn."

In her arms, tired and released, he fell asleep and dreamt of ramen and Tsunade's kisses.
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Bad Education