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Waiting for a Miracle	By : masaharu Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 893 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Waiting for a Miracle
- 1
Disclaimer:
I do not and will never own any characters from Naruto. They are
rightful possessions of the creator of the series, Kishimoto Masashi
and, Shonen Jump magazines. I am merely borrowing them for the sake
of personal entertainment and nothing else.
Warnings:
Angst, dark themes, bad language and yaoi. Should any of these cause
you discomfort, please, please, hit the back button as soon as
you can. Go find yourself a happy, hetero fanfiction or whatever
tickles your fancy. Spare us both the trouble, okay?
Author notes:
Here it is; my obligatory offering to the SasuNaru fandom. A bit dark
and depressing at times, an emotional rollercoaster at most, but
this'll have to do. An amateur attempt for my part, so don't expect
anything spectacular. Enjoy.
-----------------------------
Waiting
for a Miracle
By
Masaharu
-----------------------------
Clouds hung low and
dreary on the latter part of the year in Fire region, causing harsh
winds to blow and sometimes rain to fall.
It was during one
of these episodes when Naruto woke. Icy winds beat up against the
windows as the wooden shutters outside slammed loudly into the
apartment. Thick blankets lay in a tangled mess around him, testament
of restless sleep, and he burrowed deeper to their warmth with a
desperation borne from one who rarely had the chance to indulge in
meager creature comforts.
The muffled noises
outside were enough to tell him that it was well past sunrise; still
quite too early for his liking, but try as he might he knew that
going back to sleep would be much more trouble than its worth.
Minutes slipped by
without notice until finally, Naruto sighed in resignation and got up
from bed, making a beeline to the bathroom for his morning routine.
There wasn't any particular need to hurry, but a quick wash would
have to suffice since the water inside the tub was absolutely
freezing. Lather, scrub, rinse, and it didn't take long before he was
drying himself off with his towel, his teeth chattering from cold.
Naruto quickly
donned his clothes, checking for various weapons and scrolls on their
respective holsters. When he deemed himself presentable he made his
way out the door, snagging a piece of stale bread on the table for
breakfast. He gave one last glance at his sparsely furnished room
before he promptly locked the door, earning a satisfying 'click' on
his wake.
He walked. Nothing
but the slow cadence of sandaled feet: left, right, left, right- and
he was invisible in their eyes for once, his own footsteps being the
only sound reaching his hearing. No one took notice of the young man
walking along the streets of Konoha, not even in his familiar shock
of blond hair that normally stood like a beacon.
The lack of usual
activity on the streets came little to no surprise to him. He'd come
to know by heart what was missing: a marketplace where elder women
beckoned passers-by to look at their merchandise, an overcrowded
gambling house where older men played until their heart's content,
young children running and playing around the streets. Konoha had
once been at its liveliest during this time of the day.
Naruto thought he'd
moved past the shock, that the rage had burned itself out. He thought
all that was left was numb resignation.
Until he saw what
the war had left behind and realized that it wasn't that simple.
It had never been
that simple, and he wondered exactly what runs inside the people's
minds when they had to rebuild their homes again and again and again,
and if there even was a point in doing so when unforeseen
circumstances could likely destroy it faster than batting an eyelash.
"Hey kid,"
A hassled man nudged him suddenly from behind, looking
extraordinarily guilty. "I'm so sorry, but could you�?"
he gestured towards a cart that apparently had one of its wheel stuck
on a muddy hole.
Sure, since helping
seemed to be the right thing to do. Obviously the man didn't
recognize him, so Naruto just nodded.
"Yeah, sure.
No problem," he smiled widely, and the grateful look on
the man's face was something that made him pause. Such little
gesture- insignificant, really, yet the man looked like Naruto had
just done him a great deal of favor, and perhaps Iruka-sensei had
been right all along, that it was the little things that mattered in
life, that made it bearable.
Kindnesses.
Naruto's life was
made up of kindnesses. Like how Iruka had always been busy yet had
always managed to spend some time with Naruto at Ichiraku's. Or like
the somewhat magical appearance of vegetables at his table from time
to time, which was just Kakashi's subtle way of coaxing him to eat
something healthier aside from ramen. Or even Tsunade's long, winded
lectures whenever he got injured during a mission was something that
he began to look forward to, something to remind him that he was
being cared for, that he mattered.
The cart turned out
heavier than it looked. Still, it was hardly trouble for any shinobi
currently at his prime, and all it took was a quick flex of muscles
and some chakra before the cart was quickly unstuck.
The man seemed
incredibly awed by the little display, eyeing Naruto much more
closely. It was then that he probably realized that Naruto was not
just a mere civilian but a shinobi of the village as well.
"Thanks,
kid." He cleared his throat. "Din' think my old bones
could handle this all by m'self."
"Ah. It's
alright."
Naruto was about to
turn on his heels and leave but the man seemed inclined to hold some
sort of conversation with him.
"Rough time
eh, kid?" the man said, adjusting the bindings inside the
cart so that his possessions wouldn't fall off. Upon closer
inspection, Naruto noticed that the man's clothing was different from
the ones locals in the village usually wore.
"You can say
that again." Naruto shrugged. "Say, are you new
here?"
"Yes. Came all
the way from Suna hoping that it would be much better here, but I
guess- you know."
Of course he did.
No need for words as reminders; the stifling smells of dampened
rubble and charred wood were enough to brand their own special hell
in his memory. If the man thought that he would find a much 'greener
pasture' here in Konoha, then he was vastly mistaken. Konoha wasn't
exactly the poster model of a prosperous village at this time at all.
"Suna?"
Naruto asked. "That's quite far. And you traveled all by
yourself?"
Spoken amicably
enough, and suspicion was farthest on the list of his concerns at the
time. Suna was one of their closest allies, and Konoha had long
opened its gates to migrants from its allied neighbors. Some sort of
privilege, he supposed.
"Yes,"
there's a faraway look on the man's face that spoke of deep sorrow."
My family's all gone. My wife, the kids. There's nothing left for me
there. I had to leave."
"Gone?"
he repeated.
The man pursed his
lips and nodded stiffly. For a while Naruto wondered if he'd said
something wrong when it occurred to him-
Suna.
Oh.
Oh.
"I'm sorry,"
Naruto offered, partly because that was the first thing that came to
mind and partly because he had no other words to offer. It was lame,
too, because these sort of things were not supposed to happen,
not in this lifetime, not when there were people ought to be
protecting them and innocents weren't supposed to die like some sort
of vermin simply because the enemy found it convenient.
He wondered if it
was also part of Suna's privilege that they got involved in a
war that almost wiped out their entire village.
"If only that
coward din' fight so dirty-"
Dirty.
"I'm sorry,
but I have to go after him, Naruto. I have to find him."
Dirty.
"Hokage-sama,
we've just received unfortunate news from Suna..."
Dirty.
"By the
gods, is that--? What's Uchiha doing there!"
And Naruto had to
close his eyes because there was that familiar frustration rising
again, that incredible ache that made him want to scream because
there wasn't anything else he could possibly do.
"Are you
alright, kid? You look mighty pale to me."
"I have to go,
" Naruto blurted out, louder than he intended. It was like
he was having some bizarre out-of-body experience because the words
were suddenly out of his mouth without second thought and his feet
seemed to have a mind of their own, moving on their own accord. All
that mattered was that he had to go somewhere else fast.
He was already
jumping on rooftops, past the abandoned buildings, past the
demolished houses when he had finally gotten a better hold of
himself. He never really learned how to handle loss and pain and
anger, so it had to be his inner masochistic streak leading him on
when he realized where he ended up.
He'd gone to the
place where it all started.
It was a small
patch of land, where the grass was more soft than prickly and the
wind, though barely felt, was comforting and always there.
From there he could
see the bridge, their bridge, and it wasn't that hard to think
of the time when there had been three people there once- waiting, a
little annoyed but not really. They weren't there, complaining about
how bored they were then not getting up to do something; or griping
how perpetually late their sensei always was while they carved silly
figures on the planks to pass some time- or even how said sensei
always came up with most outrageous reasons to explain his tardiness.
They weren't there,
and the old dilapidated bridge with initials and shapes etched on its
skin seemed lonely.
-----------------------------
"I'm so sorry,
but there hasn't been any change Uzumaki-san."
Huh. That really
wasn't what Naruto wanted to hear. He'd been visiting the hospital
almost everyday, sometimes even twice in one day, and all he wanted
was to hear some damned improvement.
Just a little.
Except for the part where the nurses wouldn't humor him.
"Oh. Okay,"
he tried to smile but he was afraid that his half-hearted attempts
ended up more like a pained grimace. "Thanks, anyway."
The nurse left
after giving a curt nod, and by then he had already eased himself on
the stool by the bedside, feeling as if a dead weight had settled in
the pit of his stomach.
Naruto always hated
hospitals. For one so young and so full of life, it seemed like the
worst place possible one could end up. This was where the critically
injured could only pray for a miracle to determine if they would pull
through or not. This was where the terminally ill could only wait for
the inevitable as the last dredges of their life bled into
nothingness.
Even battlefields
were more merciful; death and suffering were dealt in quickly and at
least for a shinobi to die while on duty that was considered an
honor.
Hospitals were a
different case; Naruto couldn't stand the feeling of being surrounded
by so much suffering and being completely helpless to do anything
about it.
But worst of all,
Naruto thought, was seeing the same mask of suffering draped over a
face that he cared for, eyes that gazed at him with fondness. To see
those thin, fragile hands lay atop the coverlet, the long fingers
motionless. It didn't seem real to him, to see all this brilliance
and warmth smothered into dullness.
The patient's lips
were parted slightly, eyes closed, and Naruto felt suspended in time,
staring at him. Waiting.
He looked so still.
Too still, in fact, that Naruto almost felt his heart skip a beat.
And then he moved.
He moved. It was the almost indecipherable rise and fall of
the chest, but it was more than enough. Naruto knew in some vague
sense that, despite the nurse' assurance, he had expected the worst.
That the man in front of Naruto was in fact, dead; that the nurses,
the doctors, everyone, had been building and building up to
the inevitable and just didn't see fit to tell him the truth.
The relief that he
felt to see him move, to see proof that the man was still alive
kindled a spark in Naruto that he desperately held on to.
Hope.
"I only had a
piece of bread for breakfast today," Naruto groused. "You
hear that? Bread. So don't go blaming me if I get sick or
anything. It's your fault anyway, making me worry and all."
Naruto fidgeted on
his seat, pretty much unused to being still for any extended period
of time.
"But
seriously, I'm not eating anything healthy until you wake up, okay?
Or even ramen," he added in his most lofty tones. "
Especially ramen. So you better hurry 'cos you owe me a couple of
bowls at Ichiraku's."
It was official:
one-sided conversations were frustrating as hell, and should anyone
come inside the room right now they might as well peg him as mentally
disturbed.
"I, uh, forgot
to mention that I went to your apartment yesterday. Was worried that
your landlady threw away your stuff because you haven't been able to
pay the rent." He rubbed the back of his head. "Turns
out that some of your friends had it all covered for the next month
or so. Sheesh, you're a kept man, sensei. A kept man."
His lips quirked
when he spotted the items on the bedside table.
"Hey, hey,
your students brought you get-well letters and some cards, "
he wrinkled his nose over the last one. "The flowers are- nice,
I guess? Er, pretty? Girly? Looks like the Yamanakas are back to
business. As for the letters� well, you'll just have to read them
for yourself. I'm sure the brats are sorely missing you now."
He nodded sagely.
"Tsunade-baba
said that it may take a while before the academy's all fixed up. It's
such a wreck like you wouldn't believe it! I still don't understand
what those assholes were thinking when they thrashed the place, but
maybe they're just creeps like that."
He felt jittery.
His fingers did it all on their own, brushing imaginary lint off the
mattress, smoothing back the covers, before settling back once more
on his lap. Keep talking, he urged himself, just say something.
"I already
told the old hag about it so you don't have to worry. I bet she'll
have it up and running in no time," he chuckled. "If
she doesn't slack off, that is."
Once his laughter
died down he realized how futile his efforts were; he was already at
loss for words, not having any idea what else to say. Never in his
life did he imagine that the day when he'd run out of things to talk
about would dawn.
The room was
silent; the hospital was silent, as everything was silent. He
had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, waiting, but it
definitely felt far too long for what could only be an hour.
Finally: "I
guess that's it for now. I'm not supposed to stay long here,"
he paused. "Tsunade-baba wanted to have a word with me. Kinda
urgent, from the looks of it. So I have to go."
"But I'll be
back soon, okay? You can count on it. I swear, I won't stop bugging
you until you wake up."
He stood up and
made his way for the door.
"Bye,
Iruka-sensei."
-----------------------------
Naruto's life was
full of silences. It always has been, from the stiff conversations
with his temporary guardians before he was finally left to fend for
himself, to the chill and detached dealings he's had with the
villagers. He's always been surrounded by pause, made cautious by
reticence, and has learned to cope through avoidance and feigned
cheerfulness.
His existence hung
heavy with absence; too many awkward conversations because of the
entity sealed inside his body, too many attempts at communication
where the moments do not quite connect with one another, like a
puzzle with some pieces missing.
Naruto has learned
to despise these silences and has often sought to banish them as much
as possible. He did it as though it was a sign of protest, like it
was his due to call for attention especially when people wouldn't
give it to him.
The air in the
Hokage's room was quiet and heavy, the stillness broken only by the
steady, rhythmic beat of the ornate clock on the far corner of the
wall. He tried drumming his fingers on the desk while he waited, but
the sounds were too muffled to appease him.
He didn't like the
stillness one bit; it made him think too much.
The door opened
smoothly behind him, the approaching footsteps were too light and
measured to be anyone else. Naruto glanced up accordingly as Tsunade
sat down behind the desk, folding her hands neatly on the polished
surface.
Various bizarre
knickknacks were placed strategically on the desk, more of as a
paperweight than ornament in itself. Naruto stared at them with false
interest. There was this troubled look on the woman's face and
frankly, he didn't know what to make of it.
"Is there
something wrong?" Naruto asked.
Tsunade stared back
at him for a moment, quite taken aback by the inquiry. He felt a mild
flare irritation. Sure, he might not be the brightest bulb in the
bunch, but he wasn't that dense.
"No, no.
Nothing's wrong," she assured him. "Just tired."
She smiled at him
from across the table, though her smile was a little strained. She
did look tired- gods, they were all tired and unhappy.
"Tired?"
Naruto sniffed in mock arrogance. "Pft. You're just making
excuses. Admit it, you're getting too old."
"Oh yes, I am
old," Tsunade agreed. "Old enough to do this, you
brat." She promptly flicked him on the forehead.
It being Tsunade,
it hurt quite a lot.
"Ow. Maybe
it's time for you to- you know," he waggled his eyebrows,
"resign?"
"Dream on, you
brat. Dream on."
It was nice to fall
into their usual banter. Naruto rarely had the chance to speak with
her over the past few days, both of them being kept with much more
pressing responsibilities. And while it was good to know that the
familiarity was still there, he felt like she was stalling over some
issue. An issue that she felt the need to discuss with him
personally.
It had to be
something big, judging by her feeble efforts to go along their
repartee.
"Er. Not that
I find your company unpleasant, old hag," he grinned
cheekily. "But seriously, why'd you call for me? I'm not in
trouble, am I?"
"I'm going to
pretend that I didn't hear that 'hag' bit," she glared.
"And no, you're not in trouble. Not more than usual, of course."
"Then what?"
Tsunade didn't
reply right away. She had this pensive look on her face as though
severely contemplating whether it would be a good decision to tell
Naruto or not.
Naruto blinked.
"Uh-?"
Finally, Tsunade
sighed. "I've just received reports from our spies; the ones
keeping tabs over Oto."
His grin faltered.
That didn't bode well for him. In fact, it set off every proverbial
alarm in Naruto's arsenal simultaneously.
"Spies? Oto?
What- what's going on?"
He was cut off with
a low shush from Tsunade.
"The reports
mention that there were sightings of one particular Konoha
missing-nin in Oto," she stared at him intently. "I
just thought you might be interested in hearing this: it's the same
nin that you've been searching for over the past four months."
"Missing nin?
Four months?" he repeated dumbly when it dawned to him.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Sakura-chan?"
Tsunade nodded, a
grim look on her face.
"Are you sure?
I mean-" he frowned. "The spies could be wrong. Maybe
they-"
"Naruto."
Four months. Four
agonizing months of frantic searching, only to end up like
this. Sakura was smart; he had to give her that. She graduated on the
academy with flying colors, the envy of some of her peers. She was
smart, she was intelligent and damn it, she wasn't stupid.
So what the hell
was she thinking, going there of all places?
"I'm going to
Oto," Naruto stood up abruptly. His hands were shaking,
betraying the sense of determination that he so desperately tried to
project. "I'm going after her. I have to."
Tsunade regarded
him coolly. "Are you sure that's wise?"
"I don't care
if it's not!" he snapped. "She's my friend and I have
to bring her back!"
"Your friend,
" Tsunade countered, "happens to be a missing-nin of
this village."
That said it all;
no sugarcoating and niceties and the truth stung like nothing else.
"It doesn't
matter. I'm still leaving."
"And if I
refuse?"
"Then why did
you have to tell this in first place?"
"Oh, so would
you rather I not tell you this?" Tsunade scoffed. "She's
a missing-nin, Naruto. Remember that. The villagers aren't exactly
forthcoming with that kind of thing. And to top it all, she doesn't
have anything else to come back to. Her mother-"
"She still has
me," he thought his voice had never sounded so pathetic,
so needy before. "She still has her friends."
"Well, yes. Of
course. But tell me, will that be enough to make her to stay?"
"Don't you
care about her at all?" Naruto asked, exasperated. "Damn
it, she was your student once! Why are doing this?"
"If I didn't
care, " Tsunade bit out, "then I would have allowed
the hunter-nins to pursue her."
Naruto pursed his
lips stubbornly.
"I know you're
upset, but think about this first. Logically. We've yet to pinpoint
Orochimaru's whereabouts, and Oto is a very dangerous place. He may
have lost the war, but that doesn't mean he won't try something once
he got wind that you're on his territory."
Frankly, he didn't
care. He didn't care about himself, about Orochimaru, about
everything. All he could think about were those wonderful
times, meeting by the bridge, team seven, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke,
their missions, their training, and realized with a sudden pang that
if he lost Sakura now then he would have nothing else left.
"I made the
mistake of letting her go once," he said quietly. "I
even had the gall to call her my friend- but I let her go. I don't
want to make the same mistake twice. Please, I have to find her."
And if it came to
the point of disobeying her orders, then so be it.
"You're not
listening-"
"Please."
"Fine, fine."
Tsunade sighed. "But you're still looking for trouble, you brat.
Just don't come whining to me when your trip doesn't turn out the way
you wanted to. I tried to warn you, so that's that."
"Really? I get
to go?" he breathed in relief. "Thanks. Thanks, I owe
you a big one, old hag."
An eyebrow
twitched.
"Shut up. Do
you want me to change my mind?"
"No!"
Nervous laugh. "Heh, I'm just kidding."
Silence.
"And Naruto?"
"Yeah?"
"Just- just
come back in one piece, you hear me? I'll pound you dust if you
don't."
Naruto chuckled.
"Got it."
-----------------------------
The streets of Oto
were no different from those of any other village.
Or at least, that's
what Naruto liked to think in such a post-war scenario. He could have
commented on how crude the structures were compared to the ones back
in Konoha, but that would have sounded incredibly insignificant given
that not much of the said structures were standing in the first
place. Towering buildings reduced to rubble, houses leveled beyond
recognition- it could have been worse, he had seen the worst,
but that sliver of thought will never be compensation in the midst of
such destruction.
War doesn't heed a
master, and even a powerful village would succumb to its clutches.
Iruka-sensei had once lectured that war was no different to a
parasite; once it had found its host it begins to consume mindlessly,
always without regard, until there's nothing more left of the host
for the pest to benefit anymore. When such moment occurs, it then
leaves in search of another.
And this time, the
'parasite' had chosen this village.
Streets were idle
deathtraps. Citizens don't walk outside anymore, and it's good,
showing that they still had an ounce of self-preservation left to
know what's good for their lives. Or their sanity.
The alley stunk of
garbage, and he really didn't want to think about it, but the other
nasty smell was enough to make his eyes water: rotten flesh.
It felt like he was ill, like some horrible disease had taken hold of
his stomach and in his throat was a dull ache, the precursor of
vomiting.
Exhaustion was
familiar, even with his inhuman stamina. Sleep was a luxury; he'd
been running around too long, and he couldn't remember the last eight
hours strung together with anything but a dull pressure sinking in
the bottom of his stomach, swimming lazily until he knew he'd pass
out if he so much as stopped.
He ducked between
the ruins of a store, stepping through debris and accumulated trash
without hesitation. God only knew what's underneath and it might be
of his best interest to not to even guess. At a distance he could see
the flare of a burning house, along with the crackle and hiss of
flames as it devoured everything in its path.
Even with his eyes
closed it was futile; the image of destruction had already branded
itself deep in his mind to be banished. A small part of him screamed,
wanting to curl inside his apartment back in Konoha and be safe, have
this entire thing a nightmare, and just wake up and forget all of it.
Tired hands slid
slow and steady over spongy-wet wood until he found the edge of a
door made of dented metal, tracing the creases before yanking it
aside. The shrill noise it gave was enough to give away his presence,
and he berated himself for his recklessness as he slipped inside.
The confined
stuffiness of an unventilated room was almost staggering; smells of
stale air and unwashed bodies, dim lights from scattered lanterns and
sounds of a ruptured water pipe. His body wanted to relax, even if
his mind knew he's not welcome here more than anywhere else. His
clothing made it impossible to hide who he was- not that there was
any need to- and he braced himself for the shocked silence as he
entered, the gazes filled with terror following his every movement.
He felt the dull
need to reassure that he meant no harm, but knew that they were
beyond listening.
The people
scampered out of his way like vermin. It was pitiful to see how the
war had easily doused the spirits of the people of a once-proud
village and reduced them to such mess. His fists bunched
unconsciously, and pretended not to hear the furious litany of pleas
when he crossed between bundles of rags that might have been people
if he took enough time to look.
Ragged clothes and
desperate looks, dirt-streaked faces contorted in fear- it was all
caught in his peripheral vision and it struck him like a sword-thrust
although it hurt tenfold. He'd always liked to think that he was
among those people who braved the fire and came out infinitely
tougher, with resolve that matched steel. He thought he'd seen enough
'ugliness' in his lifetime that nothing could shock him anymore.
It came as no
surprise that reality would prove him otherwise.
He found her at the
back of the room. Curled on a dark corner, it was as though she
wanted to make herself small as possible, make herself less
noticeable. It would have succeeded if not for the glaring details:
her clothes were different, her hair color stood like a beacon and
most of all, she was alone. Instinct itself often drove people to
cluster around one another when terrified, needing the contact to
achieve some semblance of safety. She was wise enough to remove her
hitai-ate; without it, she was just another nameless face in their
crowd, another victim of the war.
She would have
already found herself out on the streets, or worse, beaten to death,
if they knew where she really came from.
Either she was too
tired or too dazed, for she didn't move when he crouched and brought
his fingers to her shoulder. Upon contact, she looked up, but her
eyes were dull, like she'd gone somewhere far and return would be
next to impossible.
"Saku-"
his throat caught up and he ruthlessly forced it back to operation.
"Sakura-chan."
There's a small
quirk of her lips that could have been a smile, but it vanished too
quickly for him to be sure. She favored her right arm as if the
slightest of movement caused her immense pain. She struggled for
better leverage, giving a choked whimper.
Briefly, Sakura
pressed her fingers near her throat. He pretended not to notice the
large purple bruise that seemed to curl around her neck.
"Naruto?"
Apparently, her injured throat was giving her trouble speaking.
Her voice came out raspy, almost like a harsh whisper. "What
are you doing here?"
"You sure know
how to hide, Sakura-chan. Took me ages to find you, " he
tried to grin in a desperate attempt to inject humor in their gloomy
situation. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well,
let's go back to Konoha."
A pause. For a
while, Sakura's eyes became wistful, probably lost in the snippets of
pleasant memories brought upon the mention of their home village.
Nostalgia had always been a very effective escape mechanism.
Sakura shook her
head.
"I can't.
Not this time."
His grin dropped
and he stared at her in bewildered silence.
"What?
Why?"
"I'm sorry,
" her voice cracked. "I just- can't. I can't
go back now."
"But look at
yourself!" the words came tumbling out of his mouth
without thought. "You look very sick! And- and you won't survive
here in your condition!"
"I'll be
fine."
"Not in this
place you won't."
"I want to
stay here. I have to stay here."
The breath he
didn't know he'd been holding came out explosively. He couldn't
understand her at all. It didn't make any sense; here she was, a
pitiful mess contrary to her former self, yet she remained stubborn
like a mule. She still wouldn't hear reason.
"This is still
about him, isn't it?" he asked, frustrated.
Him. After
all these years Naruto still couldn't bring himself to speak his
former teammate's name.
"Please,
Sakura-chan, " he tried again, getting close enough to
take in the sickening scent of filth and blood. " Everything
will be okay, I promise. Just- just come back, please?"
"No."
"Sakura-"
"I said
no!" she cried, her voice rising in what little
decibel her injured throat allowed her to. "I won't go back
to Konoha. Not now, not ever. So just leave me alone!"
There used to be a
time when Naruto admired her spirit. True, she never had a unique
technique like Ino's, or weapons mastery at par with Tenten's, or
even the battle prowess like Temari's, but still, she took a stand
for her own. She knew her strengths just as well as her weaknesses,
and with that knowledge she went on, pushed herself to her limits
because she wanted to be something of worth.
It
was frightening; Naruto didn't know the Sakura in front of him
anymore.
"I'm
sorry Sakura-chan, " Quick fingers found her right arm,
and without hesitation, he pressed hard. Sakura gave a sharp
gasp of pain before she crumpled, falling unconscious onto his
waiting arms. He silently hoped that she understood his actions, and
that he really didn't want to hurt her had there been another choice.
He
felt the attention of the room as he stood- they're looking at him
very closely now, wary with each unexpected movement. The
people paused when he moved and recoiled when he stopped, as if he
was about to indulge in some sort of killing spree. Their fear hung
thick in the air and was almost tangible, oppressive.
Out
of the door into grey-skied day, Naruto carried the almost weightless
bundle in his arms, agile steps through garbage-strewn streets. His
senses were working at their full extent; chances of survival were
close to none should they get caught in such precarious situation,
and he didn't want to die in Oto of all places.
"Everything
will be okay� everything will be okay�"
-----------------------------
Four hours later.
Half awake, Sakura
sprawled on a lumpy futon after Naruto placed her arm in a makeshift
cast. Tattered strips of linen wrapped around the injury and draped
around her neck- the cast would not survive a strong tug, but it was
all he could do with his meager medical skills. All throughout the
process Sakura had barely flinched; he had worried that she might
have finally gone into shock until he heard a barely audible 'thanks'
when he was done.
He'd decided to
take shelter on an abandoned house for the time being; twice they had
already encountered rogue nins, and while they had managed through it
all unscathed, he really didn't want to push his luck that far. Rest
was now a prerogative- it was awfully taxing to fight while
protecting Sakura at the same time, and much as he liked to leave the
village as soon as possible, he didn't want to risk their lives in
the next skirmish either.
"Do you need
anything else?" Naruto asked. Not to be discouraged by the
lack of response he decided to press on. " How about food? I've
brought enough provisions that we could share."
"I'm not
hungry."
"You sure?"
"Yes. I'll
be fine."
That was a lie.
Sakura looked like she would to keel over a strong wind but he wisely
kept his mouth shut.
Away from the dim
lights of the hellhole she had burrowed herself into, the extent of
her injuries were now open for scrutiny. Torn clothes revealed deep
gashes, some of which were already scabbed while others a step closer
to being infected. There were weird seals drawn on both of her arms,
the ink a stark contrast to her pale complexion. Her mouth was
swollen, caked blood grazing the corner of her lips.
That she was still
able to talk coherently was quite a feat in itself.
She would probably
lie again too, dared he ask if she was in too much pain.
"Hey, "
he said, prompting Sakura to give him a sidelong glance. To his utter
mortification he was suddenly at loss for words, his thoughts running
into a jumbled mess that refused to take form. Were four months
really that long that they had managed to create a gap wide enough
that even former teammates couldn't cross?
Then: "Ah,
nothing, " he averted his gaze, embarrassed. "Sorry."
Remaining quiet was
a troublesome task. It made him notice a lot of things- trivial
things, really, like how his kunai still smelled of blood regardless
of countless times he'd already polished it, or how a lone moth kept
circling around the lantern, drawn by its flickering light.
"Did- did you
find him?" Naruto whispered after a lengthy silence.
There's a slight
hitch in his voice, enough to convey who he was referring to. Days,
months, years- time was hardly of consequence and Naruto wracked his
mind to recall the last time he had actually managed to say 'Sasuke'
without that bitter aftertaste on his mouth.
'You should
learn how to forgive, brat,' Jiraya had once chided him to this
fault. It was a little gem of advice, just another bunch of wise
words strung together that he had learnt back in a distant, painful
lifetime.
"No,"
Sakura replied. Another handful of seconds passed before she
added, "I didn't find Sasuke."
Naruto slid the
kunai back to its holster, looking up to her face.
"I see."
He said.
Sakura simply
nodded and closed her eyes, slumping into the dusty futon with
something like relief. He wished he had something better to add, but
there's nothing else he could say that he hadn't said before.
"How's
Konoha?"
"Konoha?"
he repeated dumbly, taken off guard by her sudden shift of topic.
"The village's fine, I guess."
"Really?"
"Eh? Yeah, "
His unsure, nervous laugh echoed hollowly in the room. "Pretty
much thrashed but you know how it is. Just give the people some time
and everything will be back to normal again."
Naruto could tell
that she wasn't convinced, but he wasn't being exactly truthful
either. Half of Konoha looked like a demolition job gone bad, and
while it didn't look as severe as Oto, telling Sakura that it was
'fine' would be a far stretch from the truth. He just didn't want to
remember the details, like how the streets weren't as crowded and
lively. Or the seemingly endless list of new names added on the
Memorial stone.
"How many
died?"
He knew that she'd
ask that question. He also knew that it wasn't what she'd meant to
ask at all.
"I don't
know."
And he didn't. He
honestly didn't. Counting would only trivialize it, make the
deaths cheap, like people were mere numbers to be chocked off on a
tally board. Sakura simply nodded, as if she understood, and for a
while Naruto felt a pang of resentment because she didn't. She
could never hope to understand. Not when she had simply up and left
the village and exchanged her life for a fruitless chase.
Sakura let out a
shuddering breath, only to suck in another.
"Is� is
my mother�?" she asked.
Faded pink hair,
face weathered by age- there was no wonder where Sakura had gotten
her looks from. It was like looking at an old photo, only with
brighter tint. She had been graceful and polite, obviously one of
those cultured women with hands that no doubt spent most of their
childhood curled around teapots. Laugh lines were made prominent when
she spoke, and her voice had that same patient quality like
Iruka-sensei's.
Daughter? She's
not my daughter, not anymore!
The woman passed
away bitter, of course.
It felt like a blow
to the gut. Sakura couldn't have known. She had no idea.
"I'm sorry,"
he said. He'd been saying those words an awful lot for the past few
weeks and he often wondered if he meant it this time. Or if even
Sakura appreciated the gesture. "I'm so sorry."
At first, there was
nothing. All that was left was an unresponsive mask she had recently
begun to wear, a facade in which emotions were held tightly in check.
Her gaunt features were rigid, eyes closed, as if she hadn't heard a
word he said or she simply didn't care.
And then he saw it.
The facade cracked;
small undecipherable fissures that wouldn't be visible unless one
knew what to look for. There was that deviant part of his mind that
pointed out the details, just like a casual viewer. The slight hitch
of breath, the tightly shut eyelids. The way her shoulders quaked
ever so slightly and, of course, the clenching and unclenching of her
good hand, like she had to restrain herself from lashing out.
He had that
wretched impulse to grab Sakura, hold onto her as if he could make
things okay by holding on tight enough, and burrow her head into his
shoulder to mumble some sort of apology. But he hadn't had the first
idea of how to go about doing something like that. Nobody
taught him the right words, the proper gestures, and he couldn't just
go on and blurt out 'she loved you very much', not when the
truth was Sakura's mother held on to her hatred up until her very
end.
And so he brought
up his hand to her face, and gently, just like the caress feathers on
his skin, he brushed the tears that seemed to pour endlessly from her
closed eyes. He thought of the hole this new loss was burning into
Sakura, of the larger one Sasuke's loss had already burnt, and felt
the familiar sting in his own eyes.
"It's alright, " he whispered hoarsely. "It will
take time, but it'll be alright."
Those words tasted sour as he choked them out, and the aftertaste
only served worse in his mind. He didn't believe it. The only reason
he said this was all because it needed to be said. Perhaps
those were magic words that would make her believe in that time, in
that moment of 'alright-ness.' 'Perhaps' being the
keyword, that was. Blind faith could only do so much.
Sometime later, Sakura's hitching sobs dwindled and her trembling
ceased. Her breathing began to deepen, and it was nothing but the
slow grasp of half a decade-long exhaustion, coaxing her gently into
thick comfort. They were relatively safe, he surmised, easing himself
to a reclined position. The floor was cold and twice as uninviting-
not that it mattered, really. He had endured far worse sleeping
conditions before, and getting cricks on his back when he woke was
definitely the least of his concerns.
He turned to his side and faced Sakura, his mind absurdly blank.
There was just something broken about the way she slept.
-----------------------------
Dreams didn't blur
for Naruto like they did for other people.
They were more like
memories, he supposed, only on a greater level. More intense, more
high-strung, more vivid that it often left him breaking cold sweat
and gasping for breath. Probably had something to do with sleep
deprivation and his exhaustion, maybe more to do with the nightmares
that would greet him when he woke.
In his dreams he
could hear the voices, the agonized screams. He remembered the smells
of death and dying that imprinted itself on his memory. He could
still feel the disgusting ooze of enemy blood on his first kill, warm
sticky blood that could never be completely washed from his body. He
could see villages swathed in flames; Konoha, Suna, Oto- different
places, different ideals, but in the end they were more alike than
anyone could have ever imagined.
For him, dreams
were more than mere images provided by his subconscious; they were
nasty sensory treats.
Sometimes though,
he dreamt of faces. Familiar faces like Sakura-chan or Kakashi-sensei
or Iruka-sensei, all passing by like a blur, like a smudged paint
spun together by a careless brush. Along with their faces came
snippets of conversation: Kakashi-sensei muttering his feeble
excuses, Iruka-sensei inviting him out for ramen, and Sakura-chan
scolding him for his carelessness. Such kind of dreams often had a
trickle of fondness in them, a pleasant kind of warmth, and for him
that was more than enough.
There were odd
occasions when the faces were strangers; nothing but nameless crowds
whom he may have encountered at some point in his lifetime, some
probably already dead while some were not. Remembering worthy
opponents had been nice, but the sentiment lost its luster the moment
he realized that he had killed far too many.
It came as a
surprise when the face was different this time. His face.
Had to know in some
warped part of his subconscious if this had been deliberate, this
lengthy delay. It was disconcerting, to say the least, especially
when memories tightly repressed suddenly kept rushing,
uncontrollable, sifting through with mindless abandon like a handful
of sand.
Remembering him
had always been painfully inevitable. Inevitable, which he had to
admit, but easy. Easy like the way the string of epithets
rolled forth his mind: genius, teammate, rival, traitor, bastard
incarnate-
Sasuke.
Sasuke, all in his
arrogant and tragic glory, staring down at him with dark eyes, cloudy
and clear all the same time. The obstinate curl of his lips, the
brooding aura befitting of his self-proclaimed avenger role. Once a
teammate, twice a traitor, yet the same Sasuke who had always watched
his back and once rescued him from Haku's deadly needles. Sasuke, who
once told him how important he was, would always protect, never
desert, his precious people, his teammate, his confidante, his rival,
his best friend, and-
Well. Nothing like
a full-powered chidori rammed up his chest for a wake-up call.
Naruto sat up,
chest heaving and slick with sweat under his clothing. The world was
blurred around him and for a moment he was confused, wondering where
he was until realization finally sank in.
He was on the
floor, Sakura lying on the futon beside him. Still in Oto, his mind
supplied helpfully, and he just had a dream about Sasuke for the
first time in five years. It had felt so damned real, so staggering
and his eyes felt so dry that they burned.
Sakura was still
sleeping, all liquid comfort here and curled up around herself like
everything was just fine. He knew better, of course. He could see it
on the taut lines of her face, on the deceptive twitch of her body.
She mumbled in her sleep, barely audible in the claustrophobic room,
and he didn't even have to strain his ears to know who she was
calling out to.
Such desperation in
her voice so strong that it sung, as if every cell in her body
carried the urge...
He didn't like it
one bit.
He could
practically feel the worry, the growing need to help, fix it, try to
be the hero yet again, and suddenly a torrent of inexplicable
resentment welled up inside, telling him for once that he should just
damn stop caring. Anger, blessed, safe, white hot anger rose
and he pressed the heel of his palm on his eye hard until violent
bursts of color filled his sight.
It was this
displaced sort of feeling, more like he was a stranger to his own
self. His body ached to hit something, anything, but he didn't
know how to go on about that. Instead, he bit his lip hard, throwing
his head back until his lip bled and his neck muscles screamed in
pain.
He tried to get a
grip, pushed himself up the floor, still with that aching knot of
frustration and despair in his chest.
There's another
little sound from Sakura that made him frown, and he reached over to
touch one shoulder. Inches before contact, Sakura's hand was wrapped
around his wrist and her eyes fully open as if she'd never been
asleep.
It was disturbing
when she did that, and it made him catch his breath.
"Sakura-chan?"
he asked. "Is there something wrong?"
"Nothing.
It's- nothing. Just a bad dream."
-----------------------------
An hour passed.
Naruto couldn't bring himself to go back to sleep so he settled to
counting the cracks on the ceiling instead. There's a rustle of
clothing ever so often, the uneven breathing, and he knew without a
doubt that Sakura was also awake.
Naruto thought of
the times they were like this, when there was no need to fill the
gaps of silence. There hadn't been many, he conceded. Words just
become superfluous when one had already seen far too much.
He turned his head
to Sakura's direction. She was staring blankly out the window, lost
in her thoughts. That would have been fine, but at that angle there
was nothing to see out the window; even the moon was out of sight. It
was disconcerting when she was just staring at nothingness.
He was about to
open his mouth and speak when Sakura beat him to it.
"I learned
how to read when I was four," she informed him
distantly.
That was
unexpected. Still, he didn't want to blurt out anything horribly
clich�d like, I've always known that you were very smart
Sakura-chan, so he clamped his mouth shut.
"Or a
least, that's what mother told me, " Sakura said, a
familiar touch of fondness warming her voice. "She was the
hands-on type, you see. Liked to fuss and do things herself. And
father- he's rarely home so my mother took the full brunt of raising
me."
"Really? I
mean," he faltered, embarrassed. That didn't come out
right. "I've only met your mother once, but-"
"She didn't
look motherly, I know." Sakura supplied for him. "She
may not look like it, but she is. Was. In some ways."
Naruto thought of
the prim, old woman whom he had encountered once in Konoha, and
somehow, the 'motherly' bit didn't quite fit. But then, he wasn't
exactly an authority on knowing how parents were supposed to act, let
alone look like.
"My father
thought it would be good for me to enter the Academy when I was about
nine," she continued. "Mother wasn't pleased-
she didn't have to say anything, but one look was enough to tell what
she was thinking. With the way father gets injured after his
missions, I wouldn't blame her for wanting me to pursue something
less� dangerous."
"You were
forced?" he asked hesitantly.
That didn't settle
quite well for him. Becoming a shinobi had been always been a dream
for him; a stepping stone that would bring him closer to achieving
his goals. He had never considered that kind of perspective,
and was somewhat glad that being an orphan made him free from such
pressures.
"No, no, I
wasn't forced. It was my choice that I agreed with my father. I guess
it's partly because I wanted to make him proud and partly because-"
There was a gleam of wry humor in Sakura's eyes when she opened
them. "You know."
And he did know. He
wasn't daft like the lot of them made him out to be. He'd seen enough
of her looks, her shy smiles. He had seen the way she had been very
grateful for even the smallest kind of attention from Sasuke.
"Because of
him." he said. It took a valiant effort in his part
to suppress the bile in his own voice. Unfortunately, Sakura's flinch
was enough to tell that he didn't do a good job of it. "Because
of Sasuke."
"Because of
Sasuke, " Sakura affirmed. "Predictable, isn't
it?"
He shrugged in
response.
"My mother
never really liked Sasuke," she admitted further.
That certainly was
odd. As much as he hated to admit it, Sasuke was quite well-liked in
the village. The very mention of the word 'Uchiha' often called for
silent respect among the villagers. The noblest among the bloodlines,
they often said.
"She said
that at the rate that Sasuke was going he would end being no
different from his brother. She said that his thirst for vengeance
will consume him someday, and that it would be better if I'd just
forget my- 'fixation' for him before I get too involved."
She paused, then: "I guess I was just too stubborn to
listen."
Naruto scooted
closer to Sakura, groping for something to say that wasn't stupid.
"Don't blame
yourself for it, Sakura-chan," he said. "There's just
no telling what goes inside that bastard's mind."
"And you
almost got yourself hurt when you tried to bring him back,"
she agued back. "He hurt you. That alone should have told
me that he was beyond helping- that after all those time together he
really didn't care about us."
Sakura's voice was
quiet, but something in it precluded interruption. Grief, maybe.
"And you
know what's funny? Even after all that, I still didn't believe it. A
small part of me still hoped that maybe if I tried hard enough, he
would change his mind and go back."
"Sakura-chan�"
He'd thought of the
same way too, thought that if Sasuke wouldn't listen reason, then
maybe they could do it the hard way. That he could beat sense to him
if that's what it would take to bring him back.
"You might
think that it's shallow, like a schoolgirl crush blown way out of
proportion." There was wounded curve on Sakura's
mouth. "I've thought of it that way too-- I mean, with all
the books that I've read, one might figure that I should have been
smarter than that."
"Stop it,"
Naruto said, growing weary of her self-depreciating rant. "Just-
stop it. Please"
"I didn't
want anything to end up this way," Sakura insisted as
if she didn't hear him. "I forgot to say goodbye to my
mother, did you know that? She was right all along but now she's dead
and I won't be able to tell her that I'm very sorry."
And he looked at
her, really looked at her, saw past all the bruises on her
face, on her arms, on her body. Saw the mottled purplish-black
discoloration on her neck, large and hideous, forming almost the
shape of a complete hand.
No, I didn't
find Sasuke.
"You forgot to
say goodbye to your mother," he snapped. "You just up
and left, became a missing nin, and all for what? Have yourself
beaten black and blue?"
Naruto's voice
cracked like a whip and he saw Sakura flinch again.
"And I didn't
just get hurt. It was not a simple scratch, not a small cut,
Sakura-chan. He fucking tried to punch a hole on my chest! What more
proof do you want?"
Naruto was panting
and the whole world seemed to go faster when he breathed faster. This
wasn't safe, letting it out all in the open, because it wasn't
something he had done before and now he couldn't, couldn't control
himself. And It was a twisted feeling because he'd like someone else
to suffer this time, actually, for a change.
Because he
remembered everything.
That the first
messenger from Suna had came scrambling inside the Hokage's office,
bearing urgent news. Massive outbreak, he'd said, that a major water
supply had been laced with poison, thus effectively killing hundreds
of villagers. And Tsunade had stared at him with wide, shocked eyes
and Naruto hadn't even realized the implications of the news until
the very next day.
Which was the same
day Oto had openly launched their assault, and by then clarity
couldn't get any more glaring. There was no point denying it. That
the incident in Suna had been nothing more but a ploy to render
Konoha short of an ally, and this knowledge absolutely appalled him.
So they had fought.
Either kill or be killed. Naruto had never truly grasped the concept
of betrayal, but that was before he met it firsthand. Because
betrayal had been the face of the smirking man perched atop Manda's
head, and now Naruto could never pretend to himself that there had
not been one moment when Sasuke abandoned everything he had in
exchange for power. And that-
-that's when Naruto
finally gave up hope for him.
Tears were falling
from Sakura's troubled eyes, leaving brilliant tracks of moisture
against pallid cheeks.
I made her cry,
Naruto thought furiously, I swore to myself that I would
always protect my precious people yet here I am hurting Sakura-chan.
"I- I'm sorry,
Sakura-chan," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. I didn't
mean to yell like that."
And it felt
horrible that he was sorry that he wasn't sorry, and that he did mean
the things he'd said earlier.
"C'mon, we're
leaving," Naruto coaxed, getting to his feet. He pretended
not notice when Sakura practically shied away from his touch,
stubbornly insisting that she could stand on her own. She swayed
precariously a couple of times until Naruto was left with no other
choice but to carry her on his back again.
Outside, he took a
second, and then chose his direction. This way, that way, scattered
concrete, asphalt and god, bodies. He could run across Oto and
never look back. Easy not to see the blood under his feet, notice the
nasty stench of decay, and he fervently swore never set foot in this
village in any foreseeable future.
The skies bled
velvety black, mocking them in its deceptive peacefulness. Naruto
kept running, breathing slightly, and there's this thick sense of
exhilaration that coursed through his veins, urging him to go faster.
And then he
stopped. Stopped moving, stopped breathing because he just had the
worst luck possible and this must be some elaborate cosmic joke
played at his expense.
Standing a few feet
away from them was Sasuke, all dark and forbidding, a mocking smile
twisting his lips.
It was achingly
familiar. Sasuke looked achingly familiar. Only he's not Sasuke, not
really, not when Naruto knew who was inside that husk of a body that
had once been his teammate's.
"Tsk tsk, what
a pity," said Orochimaru, and his voice made Naruto's
blood run cold; it had a hissing quality like the spineless reptile
he truly was. "Leaving so soon?"
-----------------------------
Naruto skidded
backwards at an alarming speed, his feet forming clouds of dust on
their wake.
Several soft
popping sounds were heard as every single one of his shadow clones
was eliminated.
"Oh, that's
great. Really," Orochimaru said in his most supercilious
tones. He clapped his hands for effect before adding, "I see
that you haven't lost your style, Naruto-kun. You're still first
class entertainment."
"And you're
pathetic," Naruto spat. "I hope you know that."
Orochimaru casually
plucked the kunai embedded in his arm and, to Naruto's disgust,
promptly licked the blood off the offending weapon. For one absurd
moment Naruto wondered if Orochimaru was actually impervious to pain
because his sleeve began to seep an angry red.
Naruto was bleeding
at lot, too.
He knew he was in
serious trouble. Even his demonic healing abilities were unable to
compensate for all the injuries he had sustained, and by his first
stumble came the realization that there's a great possibility that he
and Sakura may never get out of this predicament alive.
There was blood, so
much blood, painting the ground around them a blessed crimson.
The sight was
awfully reminiscent. On his first kill he'd stared at his hand in a
dazed stupor, shock and this alien feeling warring inside him as the
warm liquid dribbled down. Shock because he never thought that
there'd be so much blood. Never thought anybody had that much
blood in them.
And that alien
feeling-
Now that he had
given much consideration about it, he was willing to admit that, yes,
that feeling had been the initial stirrings of bloodlust.
Because that was
all he could think of right here, right now.
That his mind was devoid of everything except this one urge to kill,
and all the ways he wanted do it.
Orochimaru opened his palm and the kunai fell to the ground in a
muted clang.
"Any more tricks you care to dish out?" he taunted.
"Shut up, snake freak," Naruto snarled. "Talk
with your fists and not with your nasty mouth."
They started quickly, flying at one another. Limbs and weapons
clashed in vicious combat, exchanging real blows, spilling more
blood, as if both were itching to get rid of their opponent so much.
Naruto reacted to a sharp swipe immediately, sliding sideways while
twisting to keep himself facing the enemy. Orochimaru's fist flew
past his ear in a whooshing sound, and Naruto took advantage of the
unguarded moment to ram his own fist against his opponent's stomach,
and then kick the legs underneath him. Naruto brought down the heel
of his feet in a swift downward arc, but Orochimaru rolled backwards
and then propelled himself away from Naruto.
With a rapid succession of hand seals Orochimaru conjured several
huge earthen spikes from the ground. Naruto was left with no other
choice but dodge lest he get skewered by the thick barbs.
Unfortunately, it rendered him open for attack and Orochimaru rounded
on him, smashing his elbow on Naruto's cheek and snapping his head to
the side.
Orochimaru laughed, sharingan pupils wheeling furiously. "Come
on, Naruto-kun, is that all you've got?"
Naruto allowed himself to fall on his back, fingers digging harshly
to the ground.
"No," he grinned manically. "You've yet to see
all of it."
His legs shot up and locked tightly around Orochimaru's neck. Not
giving any room for retaliation, Naruto gave a sharp twist and
slammed his opponent to the ground head-first.
Naruto panted, "Don't you dare underestimate me,
asshole."
-----------------------------
In the end, it was just the two of them.
Naruto wiped his mouth over the back of his hand, saw the red smear
left there, and it was beyond the abiding rush of fury that he came
to the conclusion of what was Orochimaru's sole purpose in existence.
This creature had lived to inflict pain.
Orochimaru liked giving pain, and he certainly had no scruples about
it. It was sick. He killed, he maimed, neither recognizing friend nor
foe- all because of this insatiable thirst for power. That everything
he did was tantamount to suffering and loss and, worst of all, that
he didn't feel even a smidgen of remorse about it.
"I see how it is," Orochimaru whispered, voice
hushed and almost intimate. "Now I know why Sasuke-kun
respected-"
"Shut your mouth about Sasuke."
Naruto's voice cracked harshly that it almost hurt. He swung his fist
and aimed it at Orochimaru's face, but inches before contact
Orochimaru caught it, crushing the appendage with such force that
left Naruto writhing in agony.
"Ah, so angry. So furious." Orochimaru chuckled. "But
I wonder, is that for me? Or for Sasuke-kun?"
That hit the nail dead on.
"Shut- shut the fuck, you-!" With a ferocious
battle-cry Naruto lunged at him, teeth bared. He managed to clip
Orochimaru a good one on the shoulder, spinning him to the ground.
Orochimaru immediately rounded on him and kicked his ribs sharply,
sending him flying backwards until he crashed on a dilapidated wall.
Orochimaru's eyes were alight with malicious glee.
"You shouldn't get mad at Sasuke-kun for choosing me,
Naruto-kun," he said. "It was a wise choice, after
all. And I'll have you know that he didn't forget you. Quite far from
it."
Orochimaru's smirk widened.
"In fact, if I remember correctly, his last wish was for me to
deliver a message to you, Naruto-kun. A very special message. He
wanted to say-" In this his sharingan eyes dropped to
their normal jet-black and his pitch became solemn: the same familiar
pitch of a voice that he hadn't heard for five years.
It was Sasuke's voice.
"-Naruto,
" he said. "I'm sorry."
Just like that.
Naruto felt something inside of him come unhinged.
He thought of
Iruka-sensei who almost died protecting his young students because
Orochimaru's men couldn't come up with even a modicum of humanity to
spare children from slaughter. He thought of Konoha, Suna, or even
Oto. He thought of all the lives lost or ruined because of this
menace- all the men, women and children who were unfortunate enough
to cross paths with him.
Orochimaru didn't
just like inflicting pain; he reveled in it.
"You fucker�"
Naruto hissed. "You-"
He had never
imagined it was possible to achieve the level of hatred that he was
feeling right now.
And it was
frightening because hate was extreme; hate was absolute. It was the
kind of hatred that brought him to this one cool, detached place, a
place where all he could think of was - if I'm going to die then
I'm bringing him along with me.
"I watched
people suffer because of you. I-" he got to his feel
albeit unsteadily. Deep inside him, Kyuubi moved, the dust from the
ground rising as his chakra flared outwards. The motes floated
through the air and started swirling around him furiously. "I
was there to see what your whims cost, bastard. Too much, you took
away too much.
"And you're
going to pay for it!"
Naruto cupped his
hand in front of him, forming the Rasengan, the blue-white ball of
energy growing in size as it was fueled by his anger. He saw his
enemy's eyes widen, and in that brief moment of satisfaction he
thought of the countless people who'd probably worn the same
expression before they died in Orochimaru's hands.
The balls of his
feet twisted as he made a mad rush for Orochimaru.
"I'll kill
you!"
So many things
happened then in a space of a few seconds. All the rage, the anger-
it was suddenly gone. In its place came a staggering torrent of
horror until Naruto felt absolutely focused. Everything came in sharp
precision, nothing escaped his notice. Not the pink blur that had
suddenly spurred into action, movements sluggish but intent, or the
way Orochimaru's shock turned into delight as a lithe body came in
front, frail arms hugging his neck tightly, all in all meant to
shield him from harm.
With a short cry
Naruto struggled to pull back his momentum, but the gesture came all
too late.
The Rasengan hit
Sakura instead.
Naruto reeled back,
eyes impossibly wide. "Sa- Sakura-chan�?"
There was a soft
mumble that escaped her lips, and for brief and wild second he
thought she'd been calling out his name until he saw Orochimaru's
horrified look. Orochimaru began to thrash and shriek, prying her
away, but the locked arms held firm. The struggle didn't last long;
soon the seals on Sakura's arms began to glow, and Orochimaru's
screams became that of pain, his body convulsing and his eyes rolling
to the back of his head.
Then it stopped.
Sakura's arms finally loosened around Orochimaru, and then they both
collapsed with a sickening thud.
There was a
deafening silence.
Naruto tried to
reach for Sakura, but he felt so tired, so drained, and he barely
even had the chance of moving before his legs wobbled and gave out on
him. He slumped to the ground uselessly, devoting his remaining
energy in craning his neck to see Sakura's face.
Something warm
trailed down his cheeks and he belatedly realized that he'd been
crying.
He had loved her.
He had loved her so much, and there was something delirious
inside of him now, frenzied and almost crazed. He really didn't
believe in gods, not really, but he called upon every deity he could
think of, made a compromise, swore everything, and just- please
Sakura-chan, open your eyes. Look at me, please!
But there was no
miracle. Sakura didn't open her eyes.
Darkness clouded
his vision. Naruto kept his eyes fixed on Sakura's face; sought every
detail, every contour. Committed it to memory that even when his
eyelids finally drooped close she was all that he could see.
It was a small
mercy that he fell unconscious the moment Sakura took her last
breath.
-----------------------------
When Naruto woke
up, he panicked. Strong hands splayed on his chest and tried to still
him, but the action only urged him to struggle harder.
"Shhh, it's
alright." A gentle voice tried to soothe him. It sounded
familiar, safe, and he stopped fighting although his body remained
painfully tense.
"W- where am
I?" Naruto flinched slightly, his eyes watering as he was
torn between opening them and then keeping them shut. However, after
few minutes of struggling, he finally forced his eyes open.
He was instantly
greeted with a blinding white light, which was then replaced with the
hospital interior.
"Where do you
think, you brat?" Tsunade said, her hands hovering on his
chest. Warm, healing energy began to flow through his veins, coaxing
his taut muscles to relax. "Just keep still, okay? You're safe
now."
"How did I get
here?" the words were thick with sleep and exhaustion.
Tsunade pursed her
lips. "We'll discuss that later. You need to recuperate first."
For a moment he
wondered if it all had just been a dream. That maybe he had just been
trapped in some sort of genjutsu and was hallucinating the entire
time. That maybe everything that had occurred was nothing more but a
figment of his fevered dreams.
That maybe-
"Is she�"
he croaked. "Is Sakura-chan�?"
It was amazing how
one tight squeeze of a hand on his shoulder could answer so many
things all at once.
"I guess, uh,
" Naruto tilted his head away, blinking furiously. He
brought a hand to his eyes and was startled with the dampness that
met his knuckles. "Is this the part where you're going to say 'I
told you so'?"
"Naruto�"
"C'mon, "
he insisted. "Just say it. I'm a one, big fuck-up. And I-"
His voice cracked,
a painfully distraught sound, and he valiantly tried to keep a tight
rein over his emotions. He feared that if he broke down and cried
right now then he would never be able to stop.
"I'm so sorry
I fucked up, " he was babbling but he couldn't stop. Not
when there's this terrible ache inside his chest that threatened to
burst out, and he would forever be grateful that Tsunade didn't spout
platitudes like 'it's fine' and 'he'll be alright' because it's not
fine and he'll never be alright. "I'm sorry. You were right all
along, damn it-"
"I failed
her�"
-----------------------------
It was the faint
prick of a needle that roused Naruto from his sleep. He'd lost track
of time the moment he fell unconscious, and when he pried his eyes
for a glimpse at the darkened skies outside the window he didn't have
a clue whether he woke up at dawn or nightfall.
"I still can't
believe it," said a feminine voice beside him. "Have
you seen their wounds? Like, they've tried to beat each other to a
bloody pulp! I was so shocked!"
"Shh!"
scolded another voice off to a vague left. "You'll wake him up.
Honestly."
Properly chastised,
the voice to his side lowered considerably. "Sorry."
"Huh, "
continued to other voice. "Now that you mention it, their fight
must have been pretty intense."
"I know. It's
a good thing that Hokage-sama's around when they brought them here."
"But I wonder,
why did Hokage-sama allow Uchiha-"
She was cut off as
Naruto's eyes abruptly snapped open and he grabbed the nurse's arm in
a vice-like grip.
"What the
hell! Sasuke?" he rasped. "Sasuke's alive?"
"Yes. But
please calm down Uzumaki-san-"
But Naruto was
beyond listening. Their frantic efforts to appease him meant
absolutely nothing, and despite his clouded senses all that he could
think about was this had to be a very nasty joke, that he had
intended to save Sakura but ended up killing her instead, and now
Sasuke's still alive like some fucking consolation prize.
Anger couldn't even
sum up to what he was feeling one bit. He was so livid that
even the bed's railing snapped ominously when he finally stood.
"Shit,"
he hissed as the floor tilted to his feet. In the background he could
hear the horrified shrieks as nurses scrambled for help, and he was
well aware that he was revealing a side of himself that people didn't
want to see and wouldn't understand, the side he'd kept hidden under
the guise of bright smiles, and for once he didn't care.
"What's going
on?" Tsunade demanded as she burst inside the room, and
then faltered at the sight of him. " Naruto�?"
"Why didn't
you tell me the bastard's alive?" he said through clenched
teeth. "Oh god, oh hell, I can't believe this. Why the did you
bring him here and, don't fucking touch me-"
He viciously
shrugged the hands trying to hold him. Desperation lent him strength,
and one careless swipe flung two male nurses aback before they
crumpled to the floor, unconscious.
"Naruto,
listen to me." Tsunade called out.
"No! Damn
it," It took three jounin before he was properly
restrained, and upon seeing the opportunity one available nurse
immediately pumped him with sedatives. It was pretty strong stuff
too, because not soon his limbs began to wobble like jelly and he was
left with no other choice but to slump uselessly against the arms
that held him.
"You have to
calm down, Naruto." Tsunade said, voice strained. "I
know you're hurt but you have to listen to me."
"I won't,"
he slurred. He felt himself being lifted back to his bed and he was
too tired and too synthetically calm to struggle.
"Naruto�"
"I hate you,"
Naruto whispered. Amidst the drug-induced haze he felt a twinge of
smug satisfaction when he saw the look on Tsunade's face, when he was
certain she believed him. But that was irrelevant now, for his eyes
wouldn't stay open and as he succumbed to another bout of restless
sleep he knew without a doubt that things had made another dramatic
turn for the worse.
-----------------------------
Author notes:
Uh, I guess that's it for chapter one. And of course, I would like to
make several things clear:
(1) This is not
a Sakura-bashing fic. I quite like her in fact, and even though I
killed her in the story, it's all for the sake of plot. Plot, plot,
plot. As for those who were absolutely thrilled by this, then well
and good for you.
(2) Fight scenes. I
cannot write fight scenes to save my life so please forgive me if
they came out a bit awkward. I did try my best, though.
(3) Orochimaru.
Some are probably wondering how they managed to get rid of him quite
easily. Well, I'll give out this much: he's not dead. What really
happened to him is also part of the plot.
(4) SasuNaru. Yes,
this is still a yaoi fanfiction. It will come in later parts because
I like to deprave myself. Besides, the longing is sweeter than
fulfillment, ne?
(5) Grammar. To the
grammar Nazis who were unfortunate enough to come across this fic, I
am terribly sorry. I know this is a not valid excuse, but English is
not my mother tongue and yes, I don't have a beta reader. I have yet
to come across anyone who's kind (and fluent) enough to beta for me,
so for those who are interested please send me a message. I will
forever worship the ground you walk on (cackles).
- 1
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Waiting for a Miracle