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Side Effects: Heiwa no Jutsu	By : MessyPeaches Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Side Effects: Heiwa no Jutsu
- 1
This was Edited by
PaxNirvana. We luff her. This was original written and published as �Side
Effects� on fanfiction.net
It took them from the first
week of August to April 13^th to catch me and my not very �M� rated
story.
I LOVE BEUACRACY! I <3 it.
Infact, I do the EVIL laugh for it! Mwahaha!
I will miss some of my
comments� I mean, I probably had about ten, twenty pages worth of replies to
reviews, and I miss those. Sooo, yeah. Anyway. I�ll be posting about, um, once
a week. I have 15 chapters edited.

CHAPTER ONE: Strip Karaoke
Poker
Kurenai was probably going to
regret volunteering her house as the site of the sixth annual sensei party. Of
course, she�d always have the TAPE of the party to cheer her up. Though if the
tapes were worth the hangover she would have to wait and find out.
But, as of right now, she was
far too gone to think of the consequences. The concept of pot-luck had been
lost on the other ninjas, and as a result, there was precious little food, and FAR too much booze. The
party had been going fairly well, until a semi inebriated teacher had taken a
wrong turn into her closet and discovered an ancient dusty old karaoke machine.
A picture does not need to be
painted of what happened next. The party went from good to bizarrely insane in
the length of time it took for Iruka to cue up �I Will Survive�. He didn�t
sound that bad either, though it was easy to forgive the vaguely off-key tone
when your blood alcohol level was keeping you from sitting upright. Besides, he
looked kinda cute when he blushed that shade of red but wasn�t stutteringly
embarrassed. He looked even cuter when the flower pot on top of her fridge fell
over and soaked him, causing him to both semi-fall over AND lose his shirt. Not
to mention his shoe. Three cups later and he was singing again. Four cups and
he started telling them all dirty jokes. Not off color jokes, but dirty, dirty,
filthily revolting but at the same time gut-bustingly funny jokes. Jokes that
you would NOT think a teacher of small children would know. THEN he started in
on the stories.
"No- no, it
wasn�t-" Kurenai was crying she was laughing so hard, leaning on the edge
of the couch to look up at him.
"No! It was! The kid had
swiped his mother�s vibrator and was using it to tickle all the girls!!"
Iruka was perched on the back of the couch in a classic shinobi pose, except he
had a cup in one hand and a half-full bottle in the other.
"What did you do with
it?"
"It�s in a box in my
closet with every other weird thing I�ve confiscated or can�t think of how to
return - Slingshots, vibrators, about a million condoms - straaaaange things -
Daah!" He slipped suddenly and fell off the couch with a thud, though the
drink remained upright and nothing spilled. "Oooo! Yay! I didn�t
spill!"
Asuma leaned over and took
the bottle he'd been filling his cup from. "I think you�ve had enough of
that then � heh -" He upended it, finishing it off.
Iruka looked at his empty cup
sorrowfully. Then he hiccupped. "Mmm - fiiiine. I�ll get some air."
He stood up, swaying slightly and went out the back door. "S�great party
Kure-chaaaan," he added just as the door shut.
"Oh we need to get him
pickled more often," one of the random side character teachers we don�t
care about said.
Iruka hiccupped again when he
got outside, looking around and stretching. His skin felt warm, nearly hot,
never mind the fact that the last few nights had left frost on the ground. He
leaned against the bitingly cold railing without hesitation. He exhaled heavily
and was rewarded with a large sake-scented cloud of steam. That made him laugh
lightly. How fun!
"Ya know, you�re missing
a reaaaally good party in there," he said, turning to his left and smiling
broadly.
"I can hear it from
here," Kakashi said, managing to look comfortable leaning back against the
railing as he read. "So could half the neighborhood until I shut the
door."
"Meh." Iruka didn�t seem to mind. "You
should go sing before the thing breaks." He leaned against the railing
next to the other man and tried to blow a few mist rings. He looked rather like
a goldfish but it worked.
"Meh." Kakashi
responded. "I don�t sing. At least, not when I�m this sober."
"Then you should get
drunk quickly. They took my bottle or I�d share." Iruka frowned. "I
should get it back later." There was silence as a response. Iruka frowned
and poked Kakashi in the shoulder. "You. Go. Get drunk. Be happy. React,
dammit!" He poked him again, focusing on Kakashi�s side, two ribs below
where his arm connected. Kakashi tolerated it for a moment, attention still on
his book, then side-stepped away from the prodding. Iruka nearly fell onto his
face when his finger missed, and he half staggered. "Ah." He grabbed
the railing, and then laughed again. "You�re gonna make me fall!" His
speech was slurred, but only very slightly.
Kakashi looked up from the
book long enough to give him an even stare. "How much have you had
tonight?"
"Ummmm..." Iruka
slumped against Kakashi suddenly, leaning forward over the railing.
"Dunno. Fifty? Sixty of those little cups? Kurenai has SMALL cups."
Kakashi blinked.
"S�good stuff too. The
first few were, I think." Iruka leaned his head back and smiled. "You
should try some - loosen you up."
Kakashi went back to reading
his book.
That bored Iruka. If he were
a little less drunk he would have left for other amusement. If he�d been a
little MORE drunk he would have passed out. As it was, he was at the exact
level required to hop onto the railing behind Kakashi and lean over him,
scanning the opened page.
"Hmm..." Iruka
tilted his head and leaned over enough until if Kakashi had walked even half a
step forward Iruka would have landed flat on his face. Not that Kakashi COULD
walk forward, with Iruka�s one arm around his shoulder and the other around his
waist. "I can do that."
"Eh?"
"That thing with the
Popsicle. I can do that. I can do that other thing on the next page too."
Iruka pointed.
Kakashi flipped the page.
"That?"
"Well, to be fair I
think it�s easier for guys. Wanna see?" Iruka grinned, craning his neck
and looking Kakashi square in the eye. "I�d like to show you."
Somehow he�d found the zipper on Kakashi�s vest and was fumbling around with
it, trying to get it down.
Kakashi had a fairly blank
look on his face, then turned his head after a moment. He might have been
trying to gauge how serious Iruka was, or about to say something, but he didn�t
get around to it. He never got around to it because of the kiss. Iruka seemed
to have forgotten about the facemask and simply planted his lips in the
approximate right position. The hand on the zipper gave up and cupped his jaw.
"I wanna leave the party
now." Iruka�s head bobbed and Kakashi has a sudden image of vomit ending
up on his feet. That wasn�t the reason for the head bob though. He realized
quickly he was just being nuzzled, if in a slightly awkward manner. "And I
want to leave with YOU."
Kakashi remained quiet a
moment longer, calmly putting the book away the best he could and somehow able
to keep Iruka�s non-caressing hand from getting any lower on his hip.
Unfortunately, without hurting the younger man, he could only defend so much
and he was suddenly on the receiving end of a sharp pinch. And Iruka had strong
fingers.
Iruka was ridiculously
pleased that he�d gotten a reaction, even if it was only a kind of half hop. He
laughed and bit at Kakashi�s ear. Well, he sucked on the earlobe, close enough.
That got another reaction.
Kakashi glanced at the door
and was glad it was shut. From the conversation inside, a game of karaoke strip
poker seemed to have started up. Good.
This would be an awkward position to be caught in. He bent his knees and
semi-squatted, and Iruka nearly fell over him. He didn�t only because Kakashi
stood back up and slung him over one shoulder.
"Dah!" Iruka was
slightly startled, but didn�t seem to mind. He wrapped his arms around as much
of Kakashi�s torso as he could, and started babbling something. What he was
saying was hard to make out, as his voice was muffled by the fact Kakashi was
doing the �stealth� thing and pushing his face into the cloth.
He stopped muffling him when
they got to the rooftops. "Hey, shush."
"Where are we
gooooing?" Iruka drawled the cheerfully slurred words out, tilting his
head to look. "My house is thatta way." He pointed, then paused.
"No, wait, that's wrong. Other way."
"You can sober up on my
couch," Kakashi said, shifting his passenger before said passenger could
make a more successful play for his fly. "I think you�ll pass out and
choke on your own vomit if I leave you alone."
"I�m fine. I don�t wanna
sleep on your couch. I wanna do you," Iruka said with a slight whine,
tightening his up-side-down hug.
"If you just wanted to
get laid you could have grabbed Gai." Kakashi kicked a window gently open
with his toes and slunk inside. "I�m fairly certain he�s got a crush on
you anyway."
"Ewwwwwwwwwww!"
Iruka nearly staggered into the counter when he was flipped down onto his feet.
"Keep talking like that I might heave - heh." He hopped/spun so he
was sitting on the counter. "C�mere?"
Kakashi eyed him warily and
crossed his arms.
"I wanna be at eye
level," Iruka said, pushing back all the straggling hair that had come
loose from his headband. He exhaled slowly, smiling. Kakashi did something that
turned some of the lights on and he blinked owlishly, looking around. The place
was tiny, but clean and organized. The counter he was sitting on divided the
kitchen from a small living room. There was a door he presumed opened to a
bedroom beyond.
Kakashi watched him and
weighed the various consequences of the items on his �Things to do with a drunk
and horny Iruka� mental list. The first and obvious one was probably not going
to happen, since, as much fun as it would be to just nail him, it couldn�t
possibly outweigh the potentially dire consequences later. On the other hand,
taking him home was bad as well, because he really didn�t want to wake up
tomorrow to hear he�d asphyxiated on bile. So the couch it was.
Iruka reached out and grabbed
his sleeve, tugging on it. Kakashi turned to make sure he wasn�t about to
topple off the counter again and Iruka managed to hook a finger into the neck
of his vest, pulling him in. He could have fought back, enough to stay safe,
but the mental images that had accompanied his first solution were still there
distracting him. After a few moments of letting Iruka tug him into position he
was facing the man on the counter, standing between his legs.
Iruka, apparently too
plastered to tell that Kakashi had only let himself be moved, looked him over.
It was a warm, lustful and slightly dazed look that came into sharper focus bit
by bit. Iruka kissed him through the mask again. He didn�t seem to care that it
was there. Then he shifted up to brush
his lips over the exposed eyelid. He tried to tackle the zipper on Kakashi�s
vest again, but his hands were intercepted.
"No." Kakashi shook
his head. "You should sleep now."
"Don�t wanna."
Iruka let his lips shift farther back, getting every uncovered bit of flesh he
could manage to find. Kakashi kept a grip on his wrists though, not letting his
hands wander.
"Come on, let�s get you
to the couch." Kakashi tried to simply slide him off the counter by
pulling his arms. That didn�t quite work according to plan as somehow Iruka
managed to loop his legs around the taller man�s waist. Kakashi had to let go
of one of his arms to steady him, and the now free arm snaked through the
armhole of the vest.
"Hmm. Warm." Iruka
managed to grab a handful of the shirt underneath and pull it up and kept
pulling until his fingers found more skin.
"I remembered to kept my
shirt on. Of course I�m warm," Kakashi muttered, slightly strained for reasons
that had nothing to do with the actual weight of his guest. Iruka went back to
sucking on his earlobe while Kakashi deposited him on the couch. Or rather, he
tried to deposit him on the couch but Iruka just clung tighter to him.
"You need to let go."
"Stay with me."
"I can�t sleep on the
couch. It�s too short. My feet hang off the end."
"Then why do you have
it?" Iruka looked confused then shrugged it off. "Is your bed too
short?"
"No, that fits."
Kakashi started to pry the other man off him bit by bit.
"I want to stay with
you," Iruka protested. "If you put me down I�m just gonna follow you
to your room anyway."
"I find it�s easier to
sleep without being molested."
"You haven�t complained
yet," Iruka said semi sulkily.
"I�ve decided not to
tell you what I think of this until you�re sober enough to remember it,"
Kakashi said seriously.
Iruka slid his arm out of the
vest, but kept a grip on the edge. He looked suddenly stubborn. "I like
you. That�s what I think." He craned his head up to kiss him again, then
kept talking, his lips brushing the cloth. "I liked you yesterday and I�ll
like you tomorrow too. I mean that. Now please lemme sleep on the bed. Just
stay with me. I�m gonna follow you anyways �less you tie me up."
Kakashi sighed. " Okay.
Let go of me so I can stand." Iruka did so, standing up himself, shifting
his weight back and forth slightly. He hadn�t noticed he was missing a sandal
yet, so his swaying was a little more to the left. Kakashi automatically
reached out and steadied him. "Alright, come on this way. Careful, the
bedroom floor is higher than -" At this point, he had to stop and catch
Iruka to keep him from braining himself on the end of the bed, having
discovered the whole split-level thing the hard way.
He didn�t bother trying to
stand him back up so much as kinda heave him along, so Iruka was soon sitting
on the end of the bed, one hand to his head. Kakashi mentally located the
wastebasket in the corner and toed it closer to the edge of the bed before
sitting down and taking his vest off. That was more challenging than you might
think, but only because Iruka barely waited until the zipper was halfway down
before leaning against him and sliding a hand inside. Kakashi was suddenly glad
that he�d bothered to learn how to use his chakra as a libido suppressor. It
was coming in handier than he�d thought possible. Though the rebound effect was
probably going to be painful.
Kakashi grinned suddenly,
having just had a fairly pleasant, if evil, thought. Sure, the rebound was all
the bottled frustration hammering you all at once, but if he waited until Iruka
was sober again, it�d serve him right to get pinned to a wall. He leaned his
head to one side and watched. Iruka
seemed to be temporarily sated with running his hands across the back of the shirt.
It felt nice, though he was sure that it was increasing the amount of whiplash
he was going to experience later. He unstrapped the shuriken holster from his
leg and dumped it with his shoes. Then Kakashi sighed and tossed the forehead
protector on the pile as well. The thing left dents in his head if he slept
with it on. Iruka shifted at that, nearly knocking him over to kiss his
forehead and newly exposed temple.
Kakashi reached behind
himself, grabbed the cover to the bed and pulled it down. Iruka didn�t notice
this until he was being moved, semi pushed down under the covers. Kakashi
paused and grabbed Iruka�s sandal, yanking it off and wondering briefly about
the whereabouts of the other one. Ah
well. Didn�t matter.
Iruka stretched out
spread-eagled. It wasn�t an abnormally huge bed by most standards, but
stretched out on it, Iruka could tell it was longer by a foot or so. It felt
odd to stretch all the way out and not touch the end.
Kakashi looked at him a
moment and suddenly felt tired. He realized he�d left the kitchen light on and
opted to stretch out a foot and shut the bedroom door rather than bother with
getting up. He suddenly felt hands on him again, pulling his shirt out and
sliding under it. He let them pull him backwards, managed to drag the covers
with him, and shift until he was on his side. Iruka slid up against him,
burying his face in his neck, arms and legs tangling around his. With a sigh of
resignation, Kakashi shifted more chakra to the duty of keeping his blood in
the larger of his heads.
"Go to sleep
Iruka," he said, shifting until they were both comfortable.
"Do I have to?"
"I could knock you out
and put you on the couch," he pointed out. "You�re going to have a
nasty wake-up tomorrow as it is."
"Only if you
leave." Iruka tightened his grip, and Kakashi laughed slightly.
"I might not be here
when you wake up, but I�ll see you before the sun sets."
Iruka thought about that.
Kakashi turned a little, pulled his mask down and bit the shoulder in front of
him softly. There was a slight pause and a low, delicate moan that made Kakashi
shiver, even in his current neutral state. Kakashi smiled slightly before
kissing the bitten spot, then nipping it again. Marking him now would make it
harder for him to pretend nothing had happened, or so he reasoned. Plus there
was that small chance Iruka would freak out altogether and never give him an
opportunity like this again.
Iruka moaned, gripping
Kakashi�s shoulders. After a moment Kakashi cupped the side of his face and
tilted it to give him a proper kiss. That just kind of muffled the various
array of noises Iruka was making, deep whimpers coming from his chest. Kakashi
smiled, purring and sliding his tongue along the parted lips. Mostly, it tasted
like sake, but under all that nearly overpowering booze there was a much more
pleasant undertone. If he went a little deeper, slid his tongue across teeth,
then there was more of the softer flavor. He settled his hand against Iruka�s
neck and pushed against the nerve centers. Despite his current state Iruka
would�ve seen it coming except Kakashi made sure to bite his lower lip and
slide a leg up between his. There were sudden vivid stars and his eyes rolled
up.
Kakashi sighed, rolled back
onto his back, letting the other man slump onto him. The snap-back was going to
be brutal indeed. He idly stroked
Iruka�s shoulder, and was rewarded with a sleepy nuzzle. The effects of the
neck pinch might have worn off almost instantly, but it had been enough. He was soundly asleep now. That left Kakashi
with a lightly snoring warm body in his arms.
Iruka probably didn�t even snore normally, was just hammered now. Not a
bad way to spend the night. He set his internal clock for seven and fell asleep
instantly.
------
At seven when he woke Iruka
was still out cold. It didn�t surprise Kakashi in the least; he�d actually been
counting on it. He propped a few pillows and wadded up blankets around him to
keep him on his side just in case. He was likely past the danger stage, but did
it just to be safe. He grinned down at his
'guest'. The mark on his shoulder looked nice. It was small enough to not be
mistaken for a bruise, and the teeth marks were definitely NOT from an animal.
Truly a skillful hickey. Kakashi got dressed and put Iruka�s sandal on the
kitchen chair. Then he went back to Kurenai�s house -- fought the urge to
photograph the various semi-dressed, carelessly sprawled sensei whom had passed
out near the end of strip karaoke -- and gathered the rest of Iruka�s clothes.
The shoe was a bigger challenge; he found it by luck on the way to Iruka�s
house to pick up shower things. Why it was three miles away up a tree in the
possession of a very ugly squirrel, he did not know, but once he'd regained the
footwear from the vermin he left.
He set the all the things
he�d retrieved from Iruka�s house on the table, along with a jug of juice, then
glanced at the clock. Nine.
Huh. Nine. Kakashi paused, thinking. Oh. Yeah. He�d planned on meeting his team
at eight. They�d gotten yesterday off so he�d been planning on just running
them today but maybe he could think of something better. Huh. What to tell them
today? He�d actually planned on being on time today. Ah well! �I was going to come but my lover demanded a back rub�? Naah!
�I had trouble finding a sandal�? Hmm. Yeah. That would work.
~*~*~*~*~
Iruka work up with a pain in
his head so intense that he curled into a ball under the covers and just
whimpered. Then he realized he had to piss. So, naturally, now that he had
learned that he needed to piss, he tried to get up. The light coming in from
the window made him flinch and cower in such a way that he realized he had to
puke too. He lurched out of bed towards the toilet closet and slammed into a
wall. Hard. Face first. Nearly broke his nose.
"AH! Why is a wall
there!?" He tripped over the blanket tangled around his ankles and nearly
crushed the wastebasket. But luckily, he didn�t, and the entire contents of his
stomach were heaved up deeply and repeatedly into it until there wasn�t
anything left inside him and his ribs ached as if he'd been kicked by a
horse. He wiped his mouth with the back
of a hand, looked at the slightly dented wall, winced, then staggered around
the bed and tried the half-open door, trashcan under one arm.
After dealing with his
original problem -- the urgent need to urinate -- he washed his face, rinsed
his mouth, splashed more water on his face and ran it through his hair, then
stood up and looked around. And suddenly realized he had NO IDEA WHERE THE HELL
HE WAS. That was not usually good. He thought back to the last time he�d woken
up in a strange place clueless as to how he�d gotten there -- the tattoo
removal had been REALLY pricey. And he�d nearly broken a leg gathering all the
photographic evidence.
It took another minute of
brain-wracking agony to realize he was shirtless, so he proceeded to stumble
back into the bedroom to look for his shirt. It wasn�t there; neither were his
shoes. Least, he was pretty sure they weren�t there; his head still throbbed
horribly.
The now rinsed out
wastebasket was still under his arm. Iruka wrinkled his nose at it. It was
clean enough but would smell if he didn�t air it out. He opened the window and
hooked it on the edge of the still, hoping it would stay there, and then
slammed the shutters against the brightness. He wasn�t sure whose house he was
in yet, but he wondered how they�d react if he just stayed here for the next
week. Preferably with his head wrapped
in a towel.
With the shutters closed it
was almost dark enough that his eyes didn�t' feel like they were going to
explode. He looked around warily. There were photos. He blinked at the frames,
set back in a corner of the sill, and realized they�d just been put there. The
dust was disturbed around them. He picked one up and looked at it. It was a
small group shot, of a team he didn�t recognize at first, with a younger
looking Fourth behind and the mountainside presiding above. He blinked, and his
head gave a sudden nasty pang as he realized he DEFINITELY knew at least one
other person in the picture. There was simply no-one else who could look as
utterly bored as that.
Iruka looked around him,
seeing things slightly differently. So this was Kakashi�s apartment. He set the
frame down, looking closer. It was a fairly plain room. Reasonably neat. It was
also far, far away from where the party had been.
I hope I didn�t follow him home like a drunken stalker, he thought dismally, walking
out of the bedroom slowly, trying to remember which way his house was from here
so pick a path where he might not get noticed. Or, rather, if I did, I hope he didn�t find me sniffing his clothes or
- ah hell! Then he saw the neat little pile consisting of fresh clothes,
suspiciously familiar shower things on the table, his shoes on the floor
beneath. So much for a clean getaway.
- 1
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Side Effects: Heiwa no Jutsu