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Queer Eye for the Ninja Guy	By : rachmax007 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1030 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: WHEEEEEEE!!!!
I OWN NARUTO!!!!! A nurse comes in.
(Nurse: Hmmm� Somebody had too much chocolate today�.) Chibi smiles guiltily and continues to bounce around the room.
(Nurse: Sigh. I told her to lay off
the sweets� Damn, she�s high again�)

~*~

A/N: Chibi grins.
As I�ve mentioned in my other fic (Filling the Void, if anyone wants to know), the
plot bunny of this story had been hopping around in my head for a while now.
Sadly, I only posted this now since I figured out how to start this thing just
recently�

Anyway, I hope you guys will have fun in reading this� And
before anything else, yes: I am insane.

~*~

Queer Eye for the Ninja Guy

~*~

Chapter 1: The Gathering

~*~

Crazy, hysterical laughter rang out of the Hokage�s office.
The Anbu assigned to guard her were immediately alerted and came bursting
through the door.

�HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I�m�BWAHAHAHAHA!! Ok-k-kay,� a fresh batch
of unbecoming guffaws followed the semi-coherent statement.

The pair of Anbu looked at each other and disappeared in a
swirl of leaves. Their thoughts and expressions will forever be lost to us;
those damned masks are always in the way. It would�ve been interesting to
know... Ah, but we digress.

Godaime Hokage was trying to catch her breath. Finally
calming down, she picked herself up from the floor and sat properly. She pored
over a certain scroll. Once again, giggles threatened to come out, but she
fought to keep it down.

�It�s still a mission, after all,� she grinned.

For hours on end, she had been going over the mission
requests and had grudgingly been ranking them. It was unexpectedly stressful.
And then this came along.

�Now, how do I rank this?� she snickered, �And who will do
it?�

�Slacking off again, old hag?�

Uzumaki Naruto, aspiring Rokudaime, interrupted her gleeful
scheming.

Annoyed at the sudden disruption, she yelled, �SHUT UP, YOU BRAT!!! CAN�T YOU SEE I�M
WORKING? STOP MAKING MY JOB HARDER THAN IT ALREADY IS AND GO AWAY!!!!�

Clearly, she was in no mood to cater to his playful banter.

�Hn,� Naruto smirked, �It must be old age catching up��

He ducked just in time as three pens and a paperweight
sailed through the air, embedding themselves in the wall.

The eighteen-year old jounin took great amusement in the
look of bloody murder on Tsunade�s face.

That is, before her eyes took on a dangerous glint.

A very dangerous
glint.

�Naruto-kun,� her smile and sing-song voice were too
sickeningly sweet, �I have just the mission for you��

Fighting the urge to step back, the young man replied,
�Really?� It took all of his iron will not to stutter.

�Yup! It�s quite a mission� So I�m giving you the liberty of
choosing a competent team� After all, it�s an S-class�� she flipped the
scroll in the air. The trap was set, and the lure was just too tempting to ignore.

Naruto lunged for the scroll but Tsunade kept it out of his
reach.

�Tsk, tsk� Not so fast. There is a condition�.� Eagerness
was evident in the sky-blue eyes.

She continued, �Once you accept, there is no turning back��

�I�ll take that mission and I�ll never back down! That�s my
Nindo!�

Oh, it was too easy.

�Fine. Here.�

Naruto caught the scroll and unrolled it, impatient to know
about its contents. Scanning through it, his eyes steadily grew wider.

�WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!�

And the Mean Screaming Machine was back in business.

The loudmouth stared at the deranged woman. �Is this for
real?!�

The look of pure evil was answer enough. He sighed, knowing
that he had sealed his own fate.

�B-but how?�

I don�t know, brat. That�s your responsibility now. And
considering what you have to do, I suggest you go and make yourself busy.�

~*~

Damned hag. Using my
own Nindo against me�

Naruto grumbled to himself. He had been brainstorming for
the past hour and he still drew a blank.

He tried to think while sitting. No good: he almost fell
asleep.

He tried to think while eating. Iruka was there with him and
had offered to help, but he could only focus on the rich aroma, the divine
taste of the ultimate dish; the best gift humankind had ever received from the
high heavens: ramen.

He even tried thinking upside down, sticking his
chakra-enhanced feet on the ceiling! A lot of good that did for him. All he got
was too much blood to his head and a throbbing pain in the same place.

Nada. Zilch. Zero.

So right now, he tried pacing.

Change.
That was the key word. To be able to change something, you have to strip it
down to its most basic components� And change, in this case, must be total.

Finally, he was onto something.

He was pacing faster now. He would need help. Lots of it.
Five more people? Six? No. That�s too many. As the old saying goes, �too many
cooks spoil the ramen.�

He circled the room, again and again. Four. Four is perfect.
But who?

�Tadaima.�

If the carpet wasn�t an inanimate object, one could�ve heard
it sigh in contentment and relief as the blond�s pacing stopped.

A vulpine grin appeared.

One down, three to go.

~*~

Sasuke blinked. The new carpet was adorned by worn spirals.
He looked at Naruto�s fox grin and equally worn slippers. He shook his head.

I don�t even want to
know�

He proceeded to find some change of clothes. Though he was
relatively clean, his outfit told a different story.

Damn Kakashi!!! Making
me babysit his new brats�

He shed his flack jacket, revealing a black muscle shirt that
exposed the lines and curves of his nicely-toned body. He was even more
drool-worthy now, with that lithe body, porcelain skin, and pretty face with
fathomless black pools as eyes.

The numbers of his fangirls and fanboys had been increasing
every year. They never tried anything, though. He smirked.

They would never dare.

Not with Naruto as competition.

All rational thoughts were blown away as calloused hands
slipped under his shirt, stroking his smooth skin.

That�s right. A triumphant smile graced his features. They
were together now.

He was Naruto�s.

He shivered as hot breath grazed his curse seal.

�Okaeri.�

That patch of skin had become sensitive since the Snake
Bastard put the said seal there.

He turned his head slightly to receive a hungry kiss from
the taller blond.

Who would�ve thought Naruto would ever be taller than him?
The fox-boy had always been short for his age. Nobody prepared them for the
sudden growth spurt.

They broke for air and Sasuke stared at cerulean eyes
clouded over with lust and a hint of mischief. Naruto had eyes to die for.
Turning around, Sasuke�s gaze wandered to the sun-kissed spiky hair, the
roguishly handsome face, the sexy tanned frame. It was no wonder a new fan club
was born.

Over the years, Naruto had become as popular as him in that
department. But if those fanboys and fangirls thought that they could have the
future Rokudaime for themselves, they had another thing coming.

The Uchiha turned to face his lover and initiated a kiss.

Naruto was his.

And he intended to do anything to keep it that way.

~*~

Naruto woke up to the distinct feeling of warmth and sense
of fulfillment. He sighed, stroking the raven locks splayed all over his chest.
He smiled. Sasuke had such an iron grip on his torso.

I wish we could stay
like this longer�

But he knew he had duties to attend to, especially that mission.

Oh, well� Desperate
times call for desperate measures�

Forming a seal, Naruto disappeared in a puff of smoke,
leaving a fluffy pillow in the place he previously occupied. Ah, Kawarimi. Such
a useful technique.

He hastily showered and dressed, then ran as fast as he
could to the Hokage
Tower.

Naruto barged into the office and found Tsunade drooling
over all sorts of documents. He picked up a folder and rolled it into a cone.
Taking a deep breath, he yelled into it, �OHAYOU,
TSUNADE-BAACHAN!!!!!�

The Slug Sannin fell over; the sheer shock of the sound
waves knocked her back along with the chair.

�GODDAMMIT, NARUTO!!!!
ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME DEAF???!!!!! DON�T EVER PULL THAT STUNT ON ME
AGAIN!!!� She grabbed his neck and shook him hard. She only stopped when he
started to turn blue.

�What do you need, brat? This better be good�� She righted
her chair and sat while Naruto hacked and wheezed in the background.

�Tsuna-cough-de� coughcough baba� I wheeze don�t know wh-cough-who
else to take ahem with me� I need
three more people�� he slowly recovered.

She sneered, �I told you yesterday, that�s your problem. Not
mine.�

Naruto opened his mouth to protest, but nothing came out. He
knew she was right. Sighing, he turned and went for the door.

�Naruto, wait.�

The teenager smiled.

Maybe she�ll help me
after all!

�Could you deliver this to the Hyuuga
compound? I want you to give these to Hinata.�

She handed him a package full of medical equipment.

The jounin�s shoulders slumped.

I should�ve known�

He nodded and disappeared in a puff of smoke. He didn�t feel
like taking the stairs.

~*~

Hyuuga Hinata
stared mournfully at the shrine before her.

Naruto-kun�

She sighed. She had definitely lost him; not that she ever
had him to begin with. He was someone else�s now. And to add insult to the
injury, it just had to be Uchiha Sasuke: the �Betrayer�.

Of all people!!!

She grabbed a plush doll at the base of the altar and
stabbed it repeatedly with several miniature kunai and shuriken (she had forged
them, herself). Her bloodlust sated, she unceremoniously dropped the ningyou down to its place on the floor.

Upon closer inspection, the battered doll suspiciously
resembled a certain black-haired, sharingan-wielding jounin.

She finished her daily ritual with a kiss to Naruto�s
central picture and crawled out of the secret compartment of her closet. She
made sure to lock it securely, and put up the most powerful genjutsu
she knew. She stretched and made her way to the front yard to start her morning
training.

She had just made it to the open area when the doorbell
rang. She was closest to the gate, so she decided to answer it. But before
anything else,

�Byakugan!�

The heiress gasped.

Am I dreaming?

She moved to slap herself, but thought better of it.

On second thought, if
this is a dream, I don�t want to wake up!

The closet fangirl, both literally
and figuratively, wasted no time in opening the door.

�Ohayou, N-naruto-k-kun��
she felt her face warm up.

�Hey, Hinata-chan! You�re just the
person I want to see!� he flashed a charming smile.

Hinata felt like she had died and
had gone to heaven.

~*~

Naruto followed the shy girl into the Hyuuga
compound. She led him to what looked like a receiving room for guests.

Stuttering, Hinata asked him to
take a seat on the tatami-covered floor and to wait
for her to brew up some tea.

He looked around. As expected, the place reeked of the sense
of arrogant properness.

Hyuugas and sticks up their asses�They really
should try to loosen up.

A strange sound broke his reverie. The odd noise seemed to
come from a machine of sorts.

He never was able to win over his curiosity. He got up and
followed the slightly muffled sound. It led him to the room just across the
hallway. The sliding door was slightly ajar. He took a peek. He wasn�t prepared
for the sight that met him.

Whiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrr��

It was Neji, blow-drying his hair. Before
a huge-ass mirror.

It was probably his overflowing luck that placed him in an
angle where he couldn�t be seen from the mirror. What�s more, he was in the
pale boy�s blind spot.

The sound died out and Neji carefully brushed his long ebony
tresses. He tied it loosely and formed the tiger seal. Obviously, he was
gathering chakra. The question was, where? Naruto got his answer soon enough.

Neji released the seal and flipped his hair. The strands
fell slowly and gracefully. They settled down, not a filament out of place,
like some kind of freaky shampoo commercial.

He uses chakra to fix
his hair? Now I�ve seen everything!

The blond remembered their first fight. Neji had been
sweaty, bruised and bloodied, yet his hair was still in perfect modeling shape.
No wonder the Hyuuga prodigy�s hair always looked neat
and shiny!

Sensing another presence coming, he swiftly returned to the
receiving room. Hinata came in moments later and
served him some tea. They drank in silence, until their cups were drained.

�Thanks, Hinata-chan! Oh, here�s
the package the old hag sent you,� he handed her the bag.

Hinata bowed politely and smiled,
�T-thanks, Naruto-k-kun��

�No problem! Hey, I have to go, lots of stuff to do.�

She moved to try and accompany him. He saw this and shook
his head.

�Don�t worry about me, Hinata-chan,
I know my way out.�

The red-faced girl nodded and took the tray to the kitchen for
cleaning up.

On his way to the gate, Naruto came upon the Hyuuga prodigy, practicing his katas.

�Hey, Neji!� the other jounin turned to him and came closer.

�Naruto. What brings you here?�

�Oh, Tsunade-baachan asked me to
deliver some stuff to Hinata-chan��

He didn�t notice, but the older boy frowned slightly at
that.

Naruto seemed thoughtful for a while.

�Neji, how would you like to join my team for an S-class mission?�

Neji was slightly taken aback. But he accepted anyway.

�Great! I�ll just send you a messenger bird to tell you when
and where we�ll meet!�

The blond waved and went out, closing the gate behind him.

Weird. Lately, their faces suddenly become very
red� Hmmm� Must be a genetic thing�

Naruto brushed the thought aside and rejoiced.

Only two more�

~*~

The medic nin reported everything
he knew to the Otokage.

Kabuto knelt before his lord,
waiting for orders that were sure to come.

�You�re coming with me.�

�Hai, Orochimaru-sama.�

~*~

�Iruka-sensei!�

The Academy teacher turned and smiled at his former student.

�Hi, Naruto.�

�Did you find someone for me?� the blond asked, anxious
about the answer.

The chuunin nodded. �I told him the details and he�s okay
for the job.�

Naruto had come to him the day before, telling him about his
problem as they ate some ramen. He had promised to try and find someone fit to
help.

�YATTA!!!�
The Uzumaki pumped his fist in the air. �Can I meet that person?�

Out of the shadows stepped a ninja whom Naruto had never
seen before.

�Ore wa Maru
desu. Douzo yoroshiku,� he politely bowed.

�I�m Naruto! Welcome to the team! Anou, Maru-san�
Is it okay if I just inform you using a messenger bird? I�m sort of behind
schedule��

The newcomer smiled. �It�s okay. I want to thank you for
having me.�

Naruto bowed and bounced away.

Maru and Iruka walked towards the
forest. Safely out of sight, chakra smoke materialized.

Orochimaru and Kabuto
appeared in the pair�s place.

~*~

Naruto ran all around Konoha.

Dammit! Almost
everyone else is already out on a mission!

Suddenly, he stopped. Keen senses told him something was
undoubtedly wrong.

Genjutsu!

Forming a seal, Naruto dispelled it. �KAI!�

He was facing a dead end of a deserted alley. Warning bells
went off in his head, and he whipped around, facing his attacker.

�O hisashiburi, Kitsune.�

�Itachi,� Naruto hissed, �Get out of here before Sasuke and
I kill you!�

�Oh, you wouldn�t.�

Naruto snorted at that. �Yeah, right.�

�I know you need me.�

�Huh?� Naruto was definitely taken aback by that.

�The mission, Kitsune. You need me for the mission.�

�Wha� How
did you�?�

Itachi sighed. �I�m an evil villain. I know these things.�

�B-but you�re a missing nin! And Sasuke�s out to kill you!
And he�s a member of the team!�

�I told you. I already know that. That�s why I�m going to
use henge.�

He instantly altered his appearance, taking extra measures
so other sharingan users won�t see through it.

Naruto eyed him warily. �Why are you doing this?�

Itachi told him.

Naruto sighed, after hearing the weasel�s reason.

�Fine. You�re in. Just don�t cause
trouble for me. And don�t even try to abduct me, you bastard! Or I�ll make sure
you�ll never be able to��

�Agreed,� his lover�s only kin cut him
off.

Naruto smirked. It seemed he now had a certain hold over the
man.

�Be at the bridge where Team Seven used to meet. I trust you
know where that is, Villain-san,� Naruto sneered, �Seven in the morning. Don�t
be late.�

Both ninjas disappeared.

Later that night, two messenger birds were sent out,
carrying the meeting time and place.

Only a few hours were left before Konoha would wake up to a
gathering of the most able shinobi for the job.

A gathering that would surely change the lives
of ninjas all over the world.

~*~

A/N: Chibi looks up at
the text. Ooh. That was long. Heehee!!!! I�m having so much fun! I just
hope you did, as well. So, tell me what you think! Don�t be shy! Go ahead,
click that button and review!!!! Chibi
runs off to eat more chocolate.
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Queer Eye for the Ninja Guy