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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves	By : c0p13r Category: Naruto > General Views: 33163 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own 'Naruto' and I make no money off this fic

Chapter List
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The Hard Knight Rises… to Heaven
~~~
            Shikamaru sits in contemplation. Emo, pussy, fag Naruto’s pedophilic teacher was dead, just like Asuma-sensei. And being that he was the only one who ever lost a teacher in Konoha history, Shikamaru feels saddened. Ino is with him, irrelevant as ever. “Do you remember Asuma-sensei’s last words to us?” Shikamaru mumbles, looking to the sky. “He told me I was a great man, and I would do great things as long as I remembered what was most important. And Choji; Choji was the kindest of all, and that he should follow his heart to change the world.”
            Ino nods. Such inspiring words… She remembers what Asuma told her, too.
            Ino… You’ll make a great cheerleader for these two. And when they no longer need you to solemnly put your hands on their backs and usher them forward with a ‘Let’s go’, you’ll make a great mother.
            Ino wipes a tear from her eye. The wisdom of her sensei… Always, she would recount the time she was the pivotal role in the Shinobi War, when it was her and nobody else who put her hands on Shikamaru’s and Choji’s back and said “Let’s go.” No one could take that day away from her. And now, the day of Iruk-chan’s… no… Iruky-chin’s funeral… she would relive her glory, setting a hand on Shikamaru’s back and saying, “Let’s go.”
            As he begins to walk, Ino turns to you with a big, dumb smile and gives a thumbs-up! A new memoire book would come out regarding this momentous back touch.
~~~
            Naruto, donned in his Hokage garb (guess he’s Hokage now), walks alongside Iruka’s casket. All around, yaoi fangirls are sobbing and giving queefs of sadness; parents too. Kids – the boys, at least – just feel confused. The entirety of Konoha has stopped its business to bear witness to Iruka’s untimely death; Guy, Lee and the other Narutards were simply dumped in a ditch where the estranged Akamaru slowly devours or humps them.
            Kakashi, tears in his eyes, rushes the casket and promises that he will try to molest little boys. He immediately looks down at little Timmy; Timmy would be found later that day, molested to death. Elsewhere in the crowd, Kiba shouts a mournful ‘Yahoo!’ Tenten pries her butt cheeks apart to give Iruka a twenty-one fart salute; she winds up giving eighty-three… too much dildo-traffic. Everyone else is there too. Konohamaru, who luckily wasn’t two-hundred-thousand, stands with Moegi; Ebisu was unlucky 200,000, but Udon died during the count from pissing himself to death.
            “We tried so hard,” Konohamaru growls. “But… my very-first molester still died. How can I go on?”
            Moegi comforts him. “You must continue his legacy, Konoha-chan.” She looks at the writers who use this name seriously in their fics. “Molest every boy you see. Hey.” She points to Boruto. “You know, Iruky-chin always did like Naru-chan bestest.”
            Getting the hint, Konoha-chan walks over to Boruto, and without saying a word, takes his hand and leads him away from the funeral walk; leads him around a corner where a struggle ensues and ends with Konohamaru feeling satisfied and Boruto’s butt bleeding.
            A stray yaoi fangirl fawns. “Kawaii~.”
~~~Meanwhile, atop the Hokage faces~~~
            Sasuke watches the parade with hatred. “He molests thousands, and they throw him a fuckin’ funeral! I lose my pubes, no one bats an eyelash! Doesn’t anyone care?”
            “I care, Sasy-chan-kun!” Sakura says, sniffing around his hairless balls.
            “Like I care. You have a real vagina right now.” He shoves past her, preparing for the inevitable and final clash with Konoha and the one who wields the Kage cock: Naruto. “I had a bitch like no other. And then some Narutards fuck it all up! Choji better get his fat ass back to us and pronto!”
~~~Meanwhile, at the funeral~~~
            Naruto is met with handshakes and condolences, with many mentioning how he was Iruky-chin’s favorite. “He was taken too soon,” says a father of one of Iruka’s victims. “Unlike my six-year-old’s butt virginity.”
            The boy stares warily at Iruka’s coffin, afraid that his sexual tormentor would rise again.
            During the end of the ceremony, Naruto stands with Shikamaru and Kiba – Choji being the fourth fave molestee, but not in attendance – and discusses what must be done. Kiba sniffles and sobs and says “Yahoo…”
            “Iruky-chin…”
            “Such a SUPER KAWAII~ name,” blubbers Kiba.
            “… would want us to believe it; his legacy can never die.” Naruto lifts his fist passionately, fighting back another storm of tears… like in every other fight in the series. “Sasuke…” He chokes and tries his damnedest not to have a heart attack again. “He must be stopped! Even if that means we have to rape him!”
            Kiba cries out, “Akamaru~!!” Shikamaru wordlessly walks away, but then stops and does that really annoying turn where his head leans into it while giving that stupid, accompanying smile. “I’m in,” he says cockily. “And I already have just the plan to take Sasy-chan down.”
            “Shiky-chan is so goddamn smart!” both Naruto and Kiba scream.
            Ino appears behind Shikamaru and puts her hand on his back, but he shoves at her. “Not now.”
~~~
What is Shiky-chan’s ultimate plan? How goddamn smart can he be? Will he be so goddamned smart that he can trump Sasy-chan after Sasy-chan managed to defeat the powerful… oh wait. The chapter’s not done yet…
~~~
            The trio make a pact like the Losers Club in ‘It’; both equally lame in plot and execution. But now Iruka’s casket is set on a pedestal of gold, higher even than where the Hokage are laid to rest, for none have shown the dedication to young boys that Iruka had. He would be missed by all, but forever loved, too.
            As if sensing the overwhelming sadness from below, the gray clouds overhead part, letting down golden sunshine to brighten Iruka’s grave. Such overpowering sorrow… God Himself chooses to speak, telling those of Konoha not to worry. Iruka’s soul is being carried up by the sunbeam to Heaven; a special place in Heaven that God reserved especially for Iruky-chin…
            When young, innocent boys die, I bring their souls to a paradise, full of toys and dolls and curious, phallic devices that would confuse them without an adult’s instruction. This paradise… is for Iruky-chin, and Iruky-chin alone.
            Naruto’s tears spill over the rims of his eyes and down his cheeks. He could almost see his Iruky-chin, rejoicing and glomping on the unsuspecting boys. They would undress easily for him. And yes… Iruka would be happy.
            God already planned for Naruto’s soul to stay as a little boy’s when he died; Naruto would also be Iruky-chin’s forever.
            Down below, all of Konoha – including the parents of the victims – applaud Iruka’s ultimate satisfaction. Dead… but he was getting a happy ending anyway.
~~~
With Iruka set to rest, Naruto plans revenge. Sasuke’s long, magnificent, transcendent cock… oh man, I wanna suckle it! How can you write about it and not want it stuck in your asshole for all eternity?! It doesn’t stand a chance… or does it?
- 8
- 9
- 10
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Naruto Shit-On-You-Then: The Curse Evolves