Koiuta, V.2 | By : dragonslover1 Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1338 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
Disclaimer: 'Naruto' is owned by Masashi Kishimoto. I am not profiting from this fanfiction. |
Koiuta, Love Song V.2
A Start of Something Grand
In short, today had been terrible for Shino. It was practically self-torture, agreeing to do this. Not because he disliked Tasha, of course, but because he liked her so much. He’d already agreed with himself that he would try his best never to disturb her; he liked her and didn’t want her to dislike him. His plan was to remain distanced, yet friendly, giving her whatever she needed while keeping away from delving into any emotions that could get him into trouble.
But. . .damn it, she tempted him. It was such a radical change from how she’d been upon first meeting him, comparing that to now. Because now she so at ease, so relaxed, she would go so far as to talk about her own feelings. Each word carried with it a revelation only she knew, he found, and he suspected she’d never really allowed herself to feel anything before.
The way she looked at him, spoke to him. . .the way she touched him, all of it was drawing him in. Like a moth to a flame. When she smiled up at him, her sharp, tilted blue eyes wide and soft pink lips seeming to offer secrets, he wanted to reach for her. What he would do with her once his hands were on her, he didn’t know, but he ached to do it.
He wasn’t totally ignorant, either. He’d dated before, in his own clan, in their ways. None of the women there appealed to him the way Tasha did. They all knew what it was like to be one of them, to have insects constantly breeding and moving inside them. Tasha didn’t, and that’s what made it so amazing when she asked about it, when she showed interest in his bugs.
It’d moved him beyond words when she’d commented about them the day before, curious but not disgusted. She’d meant no offense. He’d taken none. She just couldn’t understand it, and he agreed with that; it was something you had to live to comprehend. Then he’d done something he probably shouldn’t have done: he’d offered to let her touch him, to feel the bugs through him, because it was the closest he could come to showing her what it was like.
Not only had she done so, but she hadn’t been the least bit disturbed. Well, maybe a tiny bit, he amended. He’d noticed when her shoulders had tightened, as though fighting off a shudder. More importantly, she’d been infinitely gentle, as though concerned that a tight grip might kill his insects or hurt him somehow.
No, he shouldn’t have allowed that, he agreed with himself. It’d woken a whole new hunger in him. All this time he’d done his damnedest to keep himself apart from her, to keep any deep connections from reaching her. And then he’d let her touch him in a way that was almost considered indecent in his clan. The bugs were more than just tools for jutsu, after all; they were possessions, each hive singular to each individual, too personal to share with any except a significant other.
Tasha had no idea the concession he’d given her.
He didn’t just like her, he realized. He liked everything about her. She’d fought for her life and won, more times than she’d probably admit to, displaying a steel-bound will. Yet she also showed a unique vulnerability, something he suspected no one else had ever seen. She had shown him the broken pieces of herself, and somehow he’d helped her to fit them back together.
He liked her smiles. She had three, he’d determined. The first a gentle curve to her lips, sometimes offered with resistance; this smile was when she conceded to a different manner of thinking. The second was when her whole face split, delight pouring off her in waves, accompanied by hearty laughter. But his favorite was the third, more of a smirk than anything, the left corner lifting—
always the left. She gave this one when he impressed her, and she always looked straight at him when she did it, somehow managing to find his eyes behind his goggles.
She was gorgeous, too, but that didn’t spark his interest the way her spirit did. It was more like pretty packaging on what was already a gift. And she knew how beautiful she was, he’d concluded, though she hadn’t directly mentioned it. The way she stroked the cut below her jewel, clearly worrying over whether or not it would scar—
it was nearly healed thus far—
the way she kept her hair styled and cut in the likeness of age-old princesses. . . Oh yes, she put effort into her appearance.
He was grateful for that in a selfish way. He liked looking at her. Maybe he had a minor hair fetish (he totally did, and damn it, she’d got him using that word), because he wanted very much to touch it. Watching her work it around and tie it up had been almost. . .erotic. It’d been hard to resist reaching for the strands, wanting to discover if the tresses were as soft as they looked.
At the beginning of the day, he hadn’t been planning to spend so much time with her. But once he’d taken her to her apartment, reflexively scouting it for any possible threats (a ninja couldn’t be too careful), he’d resisted the idea of leaving her in the barren room. And, covetously, he’d wanted to take up more of her time. So he’d floundered for a reason to stay, eventually stumbling over a request to show her around Konoha.
Then she’d figured him out in a snap, demanding to know if it was a date. He’d answered the only way he could: in denial. A lie, on top of it. Of course he damn well wanted to date her. Every minute spent with her reinforced his desire to touch her, kiss her, to have her as his. He should’ve been smart enough to increase the distance between them, not close it, because he knew all he was doing was putting himself in a position to get hurt.
Her minor curiosity about his insects wouldn’t convince her to date him. He’d tried that only once before with a citizen, a woman he’d liked, but as soon as she learned about his clan’s “dirty little secret” (her words, not his), she’d run the other way. That was exactly why their clan never dated outside their own members. There were only two types of reactions to them: disgust, and disturbing interest. Neither was palatable.
Ultimately, he knew Tasha would turn him down. Probably gently, knowing her, but that wouldn’t lessen the blow. If he showed the slightest interest in her, she’d only break it off then and there. So he had a choice: try and be disappointed, or don’t try and preserve their friendship as-is. The latter was the only option that would allow him to remain in her presence, in her good graces.
How stupid of him to have allowed his feelings for her to develop this far at all.
Yet. . .could he really be blamed for that? They stood in the last light of day now, overlooking Konoha, and Tasha was showing him that vulnerability again. She all but poured emotion as she talked with him, though not directly to him, both musing and confessing in one. It brought a smile to his face, the way she spoke now. Because he suspected she wasn’t really looking to converse, he kept quiet, letting her have his silent company as she figured some things out.
He liked that, too, how utterly in love she was with his home village. Maybe that was selfish as well, but he liked that she was pleased with the place he’d grown up. He felt oddly proud, too, since his own efforts helped to protect it. To preserve it. It was beautiful because of his help, and she loved that beauty. Indirectly, he could almost fool himself into thinking she was grateful to him for the beauty she now saw.
Her muses stopped then, seeming to fall into thought. As she did so, he tried to see Konoha through another’s eyes, a stranger’s. Trees everywhere, some monumentally bigger than others—
the Forest of Death—
with leaves in varying colors. It was early June now, so it was mostly green and vibrant. One could see and scent flowers nearby, the rains having conjured them.
Tasha liked the colors, she’d told him. She liked how alive this country looked and felt. He had to agree; there was no harshness here, just a kind of gentle push towards life. Whether a creature crawled, slithered, walked, ran or flew, they took life at their own paces and none were punished for it. It was a simplistic, forgiving ecosystem.
Beside him, Tasha spoke up then, saying, “Shino, I should warn you that I’m not as dense as I seem.”
He stilled at that, having an inkling of an idea where she was going with this and not liking it one bit. A tightness settled in his chest, subtle but notable, because surely this wasn’t happening. . .
“I know you actually wanted this to be a date,” she was going on, oblivious to the sudden petrification that hit him, “that you lied to me when you said it wasn’t.”
This was worse than he’d thought it could be. He’d just made the decision to keep his desires and affections to himself, to never show her for fear of losing their friendship, and here she was now, saying the words he’d dreaded. Hell, she hadn’t even reached that ‘gentle rejection’ part of her talk and already it was debilitating him, pain rushing through his chest with each heartbeat. An urge to run hit him, because, really, escaping was better than hearing those words.
He was infinitely glad for his coat and collar right then, because his face was pinching, grimacing under the onslaught of her quiet, soft speech. And despite not being able to see her from this angle, he turned his head further away, needing to be sure she couldn’t read him right then. Such crushing disappointment rushed through him he honestly thought that he’d have an easier time surviving torture.
“And I know,” she was going on, “that you harbor feelings for me. I admit it was hard to pick up on, but, Shino,” she said, and he cringed, he couldn’t help it, because those words were coming and they would just destroy him—
“If you don’t make a move soon, then I’m going to.”
For a long moment after that statement reached him, he couldn’t even comprehend it. Because, she couldn’t have said that, not really. He knew people, knew especially how women shrieked and ran from insects in general. He knew he was repulsive because of it, that no woman outside his own clan would ever consider him for a relationship. Hell, in his clan he’d been declared a genius and he could have almost any girl his age if he’d asked. They were impressed with the strength of his particular insects, with his tactical brilliance and ability.
The average woman had the directly opposite effect. So how could he have possibly heard Tasha correctly? She couldn’t have said those alluring, sweet words, couldn’t have spoken that. . .promise. But she had.
And now she was waiting, he realized, for his reaction. He didn’t turn to her until he’d analyzed every possible implication she’d laid before him, gauging them, a flimsy hope clinging to him. . .and then he looked. She was gazing at him, the left corner of her mouth lifted in his favorite smile. The tightening returned to his chest, but this one was for a different reason. It wasn’t pain he was feeling now—
it was hope, gratitude, desire, joy. . .need.
He needed to touch her. A single stride brought him to her, inches apart, his hands seizing her face and neck, fingers splayed. Searching her eyes, hesitating, he saw a blue fire, his own desire echoed back at him.
He needed to kiss her.
Leaning in, he almost forgot about the high collar of his vest, but she had that covered, he found. Her hands went up between them, pulling the cloth down just in time for him to capture her mouth. He hummed at the pleasant touch of her lips; she sucked in a soft gasp. Her fingers dove further in, drifting butterfly-light brushes against his neck. It made him shiver, because he’d never really been touched there, the skin sensitive as a result.
He sent a command through him, shutting down each and every insect within him, keeping them utterly still. Tasha might have agreed to date him, might have demanded to do so, but he would take no chances. He wouldn’t let her ever feel the insects moving inside him ever again, unwilling to risk losing her. Not after this, after the acceptance she’d just given him.
A spear of pain hit him at the very thought.
Because he didn’t want her the least bit unhappy with him, too afraid of this fragile connection breaking, he kept reminding himself to be careful. Gentle, easy, slow. He took his hands off her, fisting them against the tree. The scrape of bark against his knuckles was helpful, grounding him to the present, even as the press of her lips tried to sweep him away into fantasies.
And, he noted, she clearly didn’t know what she was doing. Had she never been kissed before? At seventeen, he thought she should have at least had that much, but he supposed the people in Iwa didn’t appeal to her. He liked that thought, because it meant he appealed to her more than anyone from her own country.
He showed her, then, leading her through a series of muted presses. His need increased with each heartbeat, a pulse that was quickening with startling frequency. Gods, he wanted her, wanted to kiss her until she demanded more, wanted to take her, to scout her body, discover everything she liked, wanted to keep her forever. Even as he thought these things, her hands continued their petting, sending thrills of pure pleasure through him. Then her thumb settled over his vein and he just knew she would notice the pace of his heart.
She did. “Shino,” she breathed, a plead wrapped around his name.
His entire body went rigid at the sound, struggling to deny his urges. He needed this, damn it, but if he just took her, here and now, she might very well change her mind. He couldn’t risk that.
With a sound of pure regret, he eased off, breaking the kiss without actually moving away from her. He sucked in a steadying breath, watching her, how she looked almost drunk as her eyes slid open. They stared in silence until her gaze dipped to his mouth. His body had only just been relaxing, but at that look, his muscles clamped down again. Her hand moved against him, her thumb running across his lips a second later. Not a gentle touch like she’d been giving his neck, but a firmer press, the moisture that had gathered there spreading across the digit.
Gods.
Another urge hit him, this time to suck on that lone finger. Hands were sensitive, after all, full of nerve endings. Done right, stimulation of the hands could arouse a person to a huge degree. That thought tempted him yet further, making it immensely difficult to resist. Because he could just imagine it now, the sounds she’d make when overcome with desire, the way she’d writhe for him, beckoning, wanting, needing. . .
He made a choked sound, his entire body going painfully hard. Gentle, easy, slow, he coached himself. But damn if he didn’t want firm, hard, fast.
Distracted by his own thoughts as he’d been, he hadn’t noticed when her hands moved a slight bit lower. The clasps across his collar had been undone, her hands sliding down to his shoulders. Uninvited yet wanted. He leaned into the touch of those hands; he couldn’t help it. She felt so damned good.
Then her fingers caught the edges of his coat and tugged. Not to pull it off, but to pull him in. She said, “Sit with me,” and the words were sudden and so enticing that he followed her when she sank down without thought of protest. Her legs folded under her, compacting her small body. He merely crouched, his arms and legs becoming barriers, his coat hanging around her. He was even taller than her like this than when they stood.
“I like this,” she admitted with that small smile. A revelation?
Though he was swamped with urges and desires and needs, he managed to reply, “Do you?”
She nodded, her cheeks taking on a pinch of pink. “It makes me feel like only we exist,” she told him. Her eyes held a measure of wonder.
He liked that. . .too much. Before he hadn’t really liked the size difference between them, but now he did. Oh, did he. He made a promise to himself to do this as often as he could without driving her away, surrounding her in any way he could. “Tasha,” he replied, wanting to tell her what that sentiment did to him but failing to find adequate words.
Her chin lifted, beckoning, reaching, and he was helpless to answer. His head lowered, all too happy to have another taste of her. Her lips were so damn soft as he kissed her again, the feel sending the smallest shiver through him. Because he needed more, he allowed himself to press in a little harder, just a little, enough to satisfy that need. A moment later and he admitted it would never be satisfied.
Her fingers stroked him idly, across his jaw and cheeks, even his ears received synced caresses. He hadn’t known he would like that, but as little zips of electricity arched down his back, he realized he very much liked that. And then her hands went into his hair, up higher, and he knew what she was reaching for in a second. Because a part of him (a large part) wanted her to have this, he let her, angling his head to help her when her fingers caught the goggles and tugged. He almost lost his forehead protector in the move, but the clever girl avoided any contact, pulling from back to front.
He didn’t know where they went from there, only that she had them, but a moment later she drew back to look up at him. He let her look, the dark goggles having kept his sight in night vision mode so he had no trouble seeing her clearly in the approach of twilight.
Like most clans, his had similar features and colors, their hair ranging in various shades of brunette from medium brown to pure black, their eyes all differing shades of grey, devoid of any color. His eyes in particular were very narrow and sharp, Tasha’s own a kind of wider parody of his.
That corner of her mouth lifted as she gazed at him, murmuring to herself, “Silver.”
Silver? And she liked it enough to give him that look? Though he was surprised by her comment, he was also somewhat. . .aroused. This woman was so right for him, so perfect, so impressed by him and appreciative of him. . . He kissed her again, wanting and needing to show her how much her very existence meant to him.
With the clasps to his vest undone, the only thing in her way was a zipper. He opted not to wear shirts; the heat of clothing added to the inner blanket of his insects left him uncomfortably warm in most places, so he wore as little as he could get away with.
He felt her tug at the zipper then, bringing it down in increments, and it was both painful and exquisite. He had to close off his throat entirely to keep from speaking. Or groaning. She was going to touch him more, then, and that was going to be pure, lovely torture. He couldn’t have stopped her if he’d wanted to—
which he didn’t. Ever. He was too selfish for that, wanting her to keep touching and petting as much as she liked. And then a little bit more.
As the zipper lowered, she stroked one palm across his chest, the other going around his ribs. Pleasure followed the motions. He should stop her now, before she could wreck his self control entirely. Gentle, easy, slow, he told himself. Again. Maybe he would eventually start believing he was capable of it.
This time she pulled back, breaking the kiss. He wanted to whine. However, she eased that in a second when she pressed her lips to his jaw, just aside of his chin. He didn’t know what her plan was, but he approved of it. Her fingers trailed over him, light, almost tickling. Then her head dipped in further, her mouth finding the pulse at his neck. The beats picked up several notches at that touch, a shake starting in his arms from the effort needed to keep them in place.
Gentle, easy, slow.
Another kiss, this one slightly lower, slightly firmer. Her hands slid around to his back, hanging on. “You’re so handsome,” he heard her say against his skin. “Your skin is so warm, I don’t want to let go of you.”
Gentle. Easy. Slow, he repeated. An order. A plead. A bargain with himself.
“Shino,” she breathed against his skin, pleading and demanding in one. His jaw worked as he tried to reply, failed. “I don’t know what’s with me,” she confessed, bringing his mind back to the present, cutting through the haze. “I want to touch you, I want to kiss you.” Haze. Returning. “I don’t know where I’m getting this courage from,” she added, lifting her chin to look up at him, “but I want you so much and I don’t care what that makes me sound like.”
Gentleeasyslow, he furiously chanted. How many times would he need to remind himself of this?
She leaned up, bringing her lips to his, brushing against him. Gods, he didn’t have the strength to keep holding himself back like this. “Shino, please,” she pleaded. Her tongue dabbed at his mouth, shy, tentative, unsure.
Gods.
“Please,” she said again, sounding tortured.
GENTLEEASYSL—
Fuck it.
His arms seized her, crushing her against him, giving in. He kissed her deep, shoving his tongue against her mouth, a gasp opening his window of attack. Her fingers bit into his back, hanging onto him as tightly as he was to her. All the while he devoured her, his resistance gone as if it’d never been. Even his command and control of his insects had vanished, and they were almost as crazed as he felt now, frenzied. Did they want her as much as he did? He’d never heard of such a thing but he would believe it.
She was something else.
Her taste was sweeter than he’d expected. He should have expected it, he realized. She loved fruits, the sweeter the better, had even ordered a salad with apples and oranges for lunch. And she’d lingered over each bite, savoring. He’d wanted to be her fork with the way she’d licked it. Unaware of what she’d been doing to him, she’d continued on, only diffusing the situation when she joked that he probably lost a lot of food down his collar.
She still had the flavor in her mouth, Shino able to pick up the tang of the oranges. She was delicious. Still learning, still clumsy, he admitted, but delicious. Her tongue was slowly learning this dance, reacting to his own, following his lead. And the sounds she made, the hums of pleasure and needy moans—
she was going to kill him. He would welcome such a death.
Though he was gorging himself on her taste, her feel, and he knew she was enjoying it as much as he, a fear remained centered in his mind. He didn’t want to overwhelm her, to give her more than she could handle, and considering he’d been her first kiss, he didn’t think she could handle much at all despite her words (those naughty, tempting, wanton words). He reasoned that he could keep this up until a measure of control returned, and then he would stop, give her time to recover. Or prepare. Whichever.
Her hands roved over him, back to ribs to chest to neck and on. Around his mouth, between swathes of his tongue, she murmured, “Gods, Shino, you feel so alive. . .”
She was feeling the movement of his insects, he realized.
Reason: gone.
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