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Rot, Another One Bites the Dust	By : LucklessMallory Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1219 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I make no profit from the distribution of this story.

Chapter List
- 8
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- 10
The ugly bruise on Gaara’s cheek looked worse than it felt. Gaara stared at his reflection in the bedroom mirror and poked at it, morbidly fascinated by the little sparks of pain whenever he pressed on the green flesh. It had been livid purple the day he and Kiba fought, but the days had lightened up the marks on his face and body. His brows furrowed slightly, as if analyzing a particular observation before he turned to his friend on the bed.
“Moegi said she’ll remove your stitches after another week. But that if you keep trying to workout when I’m not around, she’ll leave them on for a month.” He said conversationally, pulling his chair closer to the bed and his friend.
Lee was sitting on the bed dutifully on his pillow and fresh bandages in front of him. It was time to change the ones he had on now. He frowned seriously at Gaara and pleaded. “But if I do not exercise, I will not be able to keep up with everyone else by the time I am done healing!”
Lee had just been caught running laps in the stairwell again, while carrying a heavy book in his good hand to improve his grip, and something lighter in the other so that his bad side wouldn’t be completely weak. He’d gotten chewed out as usual, and dragged back to the room. Lee had hoped that the argument could turn into a productive sparring match, but Gaara had learned a few dirty tricks recently that overpowered Lee while he was still on the mend.
Taking hold of Lee’s arm, Gaara began to unwind the bandages, shaking his head once at Lee. “You can exercise when the stitches are gone. Slowly.” He emphasized, quickly working on getting the soiled gauze off Lee’s arm. They were lucky to have running water at the hotel. Any soiled garments could easily be washed with a bit of detergent, and in some cases, hotel soap. Looking down at the stitches as they were uncovered, he was relieved to find the skin looking a healthy pink with smudges of Betadine around the stitches. Every time he changed Lee’s bandages, there was a fear that the wound would become infected-- and not just with the zombie virus.
“Your arm looks better.” He said, wiping at the area gently with a wet cloth.
“Thank you. Your bruises look like they are healing, too.” Lee leaned a little closer, mindful not to bother Gaara’s hands while he undid the bandages. He tilted his head and examined the dark color across Gaara’s cheekbone. “I am glad the swelling went down. You looked like a puffer fish on one side for a while.”
Lee still didn’t know what exactly had gone down between Gaara and Kiba. The only thing Gaara had given in explanation was that he and Kiba had finally duked it out over Hinata, and nothing else. When Lee had noticed that Kiba wasn’t nearly as tense and unfriendly around Gaara anymore, he’d stopped peppering his friend with questions and had let the topic drop for the most part.
Gaara’s mouth pulled into a small scowl at the reminder. His face had swelled quite a bit earlier on. “Kiba looked worse.” He said, inspecting the stitches before dabbing Betadine over it. Eyes sliding up, his body tensed slightly when he saw how close Lee’s face was and the attention he was getting from the other man, but he didn’t say anything about it as he began wrapping Lee’s arm up again.
“...Temari said we can start bringing people from the mall here once the worst of the winter passes. Suna doesn’t get snow, but the nights are just as cold. The worst that can happen is if we have a sandstorm.” He said, carefully winding the first inches of gauze around Lee’s forearm.
“I look forward to that,” Lee said, grinning. He turned his attention down at Gaara’s work, admiring his skill. He’d gotten pretty good at helping Lee with his injury, from changing bandages and medicine to helping him with daily chores that others wouldn’t think of. Even just using the room key could be difficult with just one hand, until Lee had started using his left side again for little things. “I have been thinking of going back to pay everyone a visit. I would like to see how Sakura is doing. She might want to evaluate Moegi’s work on my arm, and I found a soda that I can bring back to her.”
Gaara was watching his own work meticulously with no change in his expression, but he’d wrapped a part of Lee’s arm too tightly, the fabric stretching taut, and had to do that part again. “...I see.” He said, finally reaching Lee’s wrist and winding the cloth in smaller loops around his palm and fingers.
Lee winced at the tight section of bandaging, but his grin returned immediately as Gaara fixed it. “I am sure everyone at the mall would love the hotel. They would fit in well, and Temari will have more manpower to push around.” Lee chuckled. He looked down at his palm as Gaara reached the end of the bandages, his expression slowly sliding into something more thoughtful. “And I would like to visit Tenten’s grave. It would be nice to pay respect and tell her about how everything has changed.”
Tying the knot firmly behind Lee’s hand, Gaara sat back and stared at the ornate bed covers in silence. They’d been at the hotel long enough that he’d forgotten how infatuated the other man was with Sakura. As for Tenten...he could never forget what he’d done to her. Every time he looked at Lee, there was always a tiny part of him that reminded him of it. He got up from the chair and headed for his pack, busying himself with taking everything out and reorganizing the contents. “Do you think Sakura would be happy to see you?” He asked.
“Maybe,” Lee said, swinging his legs off the side of the bed and stretching carefully. “It was always hard to tell if she really enjoyed being around me or not. I tried my best, but in the end I cannot say that she was very interested in being my special person.”
Lee rubbed his chin thoughtfully, feeling a hint of stubble coming in. His brows pulled together. “To be honest, I have been thinking about what you said, especially since I got hurt. The thing about how we should not be looking for love during the outbreak. I think you may be right.”
Gaara licked the back of his teeth. He didn’t want to have this conversation. When he’d said that, the only thing he’d wanted to find was a cure or perhaps like-minded people whom he could work with to keep each other safe. And now, hearing that Lee might be giving up on Sakura because of his words made it worse than for him to continue pursuing her. “Then you’re giving up on her.” He carefully laid out the survival kit he’d crafted over the months, noting each one down to keep his mind detached from the conversation. “She shouldn’t have led you on all those months. Everyone could see how much effort you put while she just took without giving back.”
“No, it was not like that,” Lee protested. He frowned and dropped his hands onto his lap. He thought back to all the comments Sai had made, the looks he would get from Ino and the others, the way Gaara didn’t seem to like Sakura... “Well, it did not feel that way to me at least.”
Lee sighed. “I still care about Sakura of course, if maybe not in exactly the same way. But getting hurt made me realize that helping each other survive right now is the most important thing. It would not be right for me to focus on only one person when there are so many I should be protecting.” Lee’s hand slid up his healing arm, tracing the bandages that Gaara had tied for him. “I want to protect you more than anyone else right now, but I also need to stay focused for Neji and the teams that risk their lives every day.”
Of all the people Gaara had ever felt affection for, Lee was by far the hardest to come to terms with. It was even harder when Lee just thought of him as his best friend. Hearing that the other man wanted to protect him only brought a streak of loneliness that gripped him tight until he abandoned what he was doing and stood up. “You don’t need to protect me.” He said, still not facing the other man. “I’ve been killing and fighting when you and everyone else couldn’t. Wouldn’t.”
He finally turned sideways, his eyes lidded and a tenseness along his shoulders. “I was wrong about what I said. You can afford a relationship, because you can still see the good in people. That option isn’t open to me. All I can see is a future of blood and broken bodies.”
He breathed out, almost sounding like he was laughing with his breath. “...Didn’t I tell you to keep believing while I’ll take care of the rest?”
Lee’s expression turned from reserved and thoughtful to concerned in seconds. He stood from the bed and stepped closer to Gaara, putting a hand on his shoulder and trying to decipher his expression. “Gaara, you do not only fight and kill. You do not need to sound like that. You are the one who has been taking care of me and even fed me when my hands shook too hard from blood loss. And you cannot only see blood in the future! You are the one who always sees our options and possibilities! You lead us here when we were trapped in the cold mall!”
Lee smiled at his friend in what he hoped was a reassuring way. His round eyes were hopeful. “I am sure you can still find a relationship. You just need to find the right person, and be patient.”
Gaara took hold of Lee's hand, about to shrug it off but ending up holding on instead. He looked into Lee's eyes, wondering what his friend saw in his own when Gaara did his best to keep his emotions in check. The hope in his eyes brought an uneasy twist in his gut at how much Lee didn't know, even when he claimed they were friends. "You don’t understand, Lee." He said, "I already found someone and he doesn't feel the same. There's too much at stake to even pursue it."
Lee’s eyes widened. “You found someone that you want to be your special person?” Lee’s grin grew and he squeezed Gaara’s shoulder tighter in excitement. “Are you sure that he does not feel the same? Have you asked? How can anything be too risky at a time like this? You should be pursuing your feelings with everything you have!” Lee didn’t understand why Gaara hadn’t brought this up before, close as they were. He didn’t understand why Gaara looked so lost right now either. He should be happy! “Why do you not try?”
Contrary to Lee's intentions, Gaara just shook his head tiredly. Not even Lee's strange terms cracked a smile this time. His brows were knotted in thought, the continuous denial he'd had over his attraction and the subsequent hiding of the truth wearing him out. Ironically, he and Kiba were on the same boat. The people they liked just thought of them as 'friends'.
Steeling himself, Gaara exhaled and gripped Lee's hand tight. It was time to set things straight. "There's no point. He wanted to be with someone else, and isn't even attracted to men." He turned his whole body to face Lee before saying in a calm, quiet voice, "And he's dense enough not to realize I'm looking right at him."
Lee looked thoroughly confused for a full four seconds before understanding finally dawned across his face. His round eyes became rounder, and brilliant grin became limp as his brows furrowed. “...oh,” he said softly, paralyzed and unsure of how to react.
In the back of his mind, Lee had been aware of Gaara’s orientation. It was there, but it usually didn’t seem relevant to his relationship with the man. Gaara had said that it was foolish to search for love during the outbreak, and had never shown an active interest in anyone. At least, Lee hadn’t thought he had. He had just thought they were good friends, that they were comfortable enough with each other to touch without thinking about it and talk without being self conscious. Now however, he kept thinking back to all the times Gaara had opened up to him when he wouldn’t anyone else, the concern that Temari had shown over their sleeping in the same bed, the way Gaara seemed to be able to read Lee like an open book with bold letters.
“This... this whole time?” Lee asked, his voice soft and confused.
Gaara had already anticipated the worst, and backed away while the other man stood there with a confused look on his face. Whatever vulnerable expression had been on his face vanished as if he hadn't revealed anything at all. "...I don't know. It wasn't something I chose or planned. You were just always there." He crossed his arms tight over his chest, guarded and wishing he didn't feel like this.
Lee's eyes easily reflected his thoughts and Gaara turned away after a quiet sigh. "It doesn't matter. I'll move in with Temari tonight."
“You do not... you do not have to do that,” Lee said. He realized abruptly that his hand was still on Gaara’s shoulder and let go. Then he wished he was still touching Gaara, because it was so much easier to understand what he was feeling that way. Lee pursed his lips, and reached across his chest to grip the bandages on his healing arm in habit. He knew that this moment should be crucial for important reasons, but he was still having trouble reacting. In a corner of his mind, he was wondering what Tenten would say about this. “Maybe... maybe just for tonight we can think about this. Then we can talk again tomorrow? We can eat breakfast together.”
A part of Gaara thought that if Sakura had been the one to confess, Lee would have been overjoyed. He silenced it and simply nodded, turning his back to Lee and heading back to fix his pack. In their situation, they didn't have the luxury of worrying and analyzing everything. Gaara would just accept whatever Lee would say about this revelation, and hope he hadn't lost his friendship over it.

The next morning, Lee sat up in bed and rubbed his faced with a wide yawn. He was starting to form bags under his eyes, and his arm ached worse than usual. He slipped his sling on to keep his arm out of the way and unjostled, and made his way to the bathroom on heavy feet.
Lee hadn’t been able to sleep much last night. His mind was running in circles, chasing after the idea that Gaara cared about him as something more than friends. It was mind boggling to consider, but at the same time he couldn’t help admiring where Gaara was coming from. How must Gaara have felt all this time, caring about Lee without being able to say so? He hadn’t planned on finding love during the outbreak, or even focusing on anything but survival if he could help it, but he’d still managed to form a close relationship with Lee and open up to him. Gaara hadn’t been expecting this, either. And if his feelings were true, like the springtime flowering of love in the middle of a barren desert of survival... Lee’s heart skipped a beat at the thought.
Lee wiped his face with a washcloth and glanced at himself in the dim mirror. But in the end, what did he want? Gaara was his friend, and he didn’t want to lose that. Lee didn’t consider himself gay, either. Sighing and trying to formulate a plan, Lee slipped on his shoes by the door and made his way downstairs.
Breakfast had a way of bringing together even the most unusual of people, and the lounge had groups and pairs comprised of Baki and Kiba trading hiking stories in one side; Matsuri, Temari and Neji chatting in another; even Sasori and Shikamaru tense and poised over a chess board between them. And sitting with Hinata in one of the sofas was Gaara, who looked like he hadn’t gotten any sleep at all.
The redhead looked up when Lee entered the room, silently taking note that Lee hadn’t been the first to get up today. He spoke quietly to Hinata, who nodded and left the sofa with her finished plate to sit where Temari’s group was. Kiba’s head turned to follow her, a forlorn look crossing his face.
Gaara’s eyes were narrowed as he nursed his rationed water. Under the bright sunlight streaming in from the windows, it felt like nothing happened yesterday- no confession. His friend hadn’t brought up their conversation the rest of the day, and Gaara had done the same. But...last night had been awkward and uncomfortable by the time they got into bed. He’d expected the loss of that easy companionship between them now that Lee knew what he felt, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. He’d left in the middle of the night to visit Temari.
Lee sat down on the couch next to Gaara, readjusting his sling as he tried to get comfortable. He turned and smiled at his friend, though inside his nerves were churning with some new, awkward emotion he couldn’t quite identify. Gaara wasn’t acting any differently than usual, and it didn’t feel any different to be sitting next to him, having breakfast together. In entire honesty, Gaara’s confession made Lee confused and unsure of himself when he tried to think it through, but actually spending time with him didn’t feel out of the ordinary. This was still Gaara, even if Lee knew the truth about his feelings now. It wasn’t until his mind ran wild with the implications that he felt uneasy.
“Good morning,” Lee greeted simply, still smiling. “How did you sleep last night?”
“I couldn’t sleep.” Gaara lifted his eyes from the cup to meet Lee’s gaze. Pleasantries hadn’t been Gaara’s strong point to begin with, and what they were about to discuss made him apprehensive. A quick glance around them assured him that they were seated far enough for anyone to hear. He might not care what people thought, but he didn’t want anyone barging in on them. Turning back to the other man, he set his cup down and crossed his arms as he leaned back against the couch. “You wanted to talk.”
“Well, yes,” Lee sighed and almost rolled his eyes, used to Gaara’s blunt inability to be social. He noticed how tense his friend was however, and how dark the rings around his eyes had gotten with stress, so Lee didn’t mention it this time. Lee was silent for a couple seconds, before nodding to himself and deciding to just say what was on his mind.
“To be honest, I cannot come up with a straightforward reply to what you told me,” Lee started. His smile was still there as he spoke, but it was far more awkward now, and mixed in with the confusion that had shown up last night. His bushy eyebrows were quivering as with his thoughts. “I care about you a lot, Gaara. More than I have ever cared about another man, except maybe my uncle, but that is a different type of caring. More than anything, I do not want to lose the youthful relationship we already have! Spending time with you is closer to springtime than I ever thought I would find after the outbreak hit! But last night I could not sleep very well either while I was thinking about everything, and my mind kept running in circles about Tenten. I wish she were still here.
“I guess...” Lee trailed off, realizing that speaking without a train of thought had really lead nowhere. He crossed his free hand over his cast as he tried to backtrack and reorganize. “What exactly- I mean- what do you want to happen now? Between us?”
Lee's voice was stark against the muted sounds of the room. The other man had a tendency to ramble when Gaara thought a simple "I don't know what to say," would have suited the redhead just fine. He could have brushed off what happened and moved on to other things, and forget about what he felt. The fact that Lee had to point out that he did care about him, albeit in a different way, got past his defenses better than if he'd just rejected him outright. By the time Tenten’s name was brought into the conversation, Gaara's eyes were lidded and the beginnings of a scowl tugged on his mouth.
“I told you it doesn’t matter. You don’t like men in the first place. And I can never erase what I did to your best friend.” There was intensity in his gaze as he lifted his chin up and regarded Lee, his voice husky with unspoken things. “What I want is to be with you,” he said bluntly, “We don’t see things the same way, your physical features are striking at best, and there are times when I think you’re being weak.”
He snorted, brows knotting at what he was saying. “You make me see things differently, and you refuse to compromise your morals, even when it would be the easier path. I don’t know what attracts me to you, when you’re so impulsive and hardheaded.” The scowl on Gaara’s face darkened at the thought, as if finally airing out what he wanted sounded absurd even for him.
Maybe it was his frayed nerves, or the lack of real sleep last night, or even the growing tension that seemed to be accumulating between them now that made Lee snicker. No matter the cause, he couldn’t help it. The look on Gaara’s face was priceless as well, a total contrast to the feelings he’d finally exposed, as if he were completely boggled. It almost reminded Lee of when they played monopoly. Gaara had scowled then as well, just like this, frustrated as he struggled to learn the rules of the game and make due with the rolls he was dealt.
“That list does not exactly sound like a romantic poem of love.” Lee covered his face with his good hand to hide his smirk, his stomach churning and fluttering with nerves as he processed what Gaara was telling him. In the back of his mind he knew that he should have taken what Gaara told him at this crucial moment with quiet and serious consideration, but Lee could only do that for so long before he fell back into the habit of talking openly with his friend. He peeked between his fingers at the other man. “You almost sound like you are trying to talk yourself out of feeling like this.”
The knot between Gaara’s brows eased up slightly when Lee began to snicker at him. He could understand the humor Lee found in it, and felt his ears grow warm when he glimpsed his smirk between his fingers. “I am not writing you a haiku.” He warned, taking a sip of his cup to wet his dry mouth. This hadn’t been the conversation he’d expected to have with Lee, but then again, the other man always surprised him and defied any initial impressions Gaara had of him.
“It would be better if I could do that.” He said after a pause. “You’re my friend too, Lee. If you think we’ll lose our friendship over this, just tell me that you don’t feel the same way.”
Lee’s smirk dwindled back down again and he looked down at his lap, dropping his hand. At least Gaara still had a sense of humor, even if it was dry. But when the bottom line was drawn, Lee needed to answer this question. It wasn’t fair to draw this out because he was confused.
“I am sorry, Gaara. I do not think I feel the same way.” Lee glanced up at his friend’s face, wondering what was going through his head. “I want us to stay friends.”
Gaara met Lee's gaze evenly as the man confirmed what he already knew. The scowl on his face disappeared, replaced with a small morose twitch of his lips. "That's what I thought." He glanced away, leaning back against the sofa and taking a deep breath. This was the trouble with emotions. As much as he thought he could brush them off or prepare himself for them, logic couldn't erase the dull ache in his chest over Lee's answer.
He pushed himself off his seat and gathered his discarded utensils and plate. The indifference usually present on his face was missing now, and all that was left was a far-off look in his eyes and tightly pressed lips. "...I'm going."
“Okay,” Lee murmured, watching Gaara closely with regret churning heavy in his chest. It was difficult to breathe. If Gaara seemed upset about something or something had been left unfinished between them, Lee would usually wrap an arm around Gaara’s shoulders or follow him around until they’d worked it out, but right now he couldn’t make himself stand up. “I will stay here for a little while. I have not eaten yet.”
Gaara nodded once and glanced back at Lee. His lips parted, like he was about to say something, but all that came out was a soft breath before he headed for the entrance of the lounge.
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Rot, Another One Bites the Dust