Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell	By : ChaCha92 Category: Naruto AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6098 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Don't own anything in the Naruto universe. Some dude in Japan does. Make no money on my stories either.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
The occasional rustling of papers breaks the silence surrounding Ibiki. Sitting alone in his Spartan office, he meticulously reads through each report, signing off on them when he finishes.
When he has gone through all of them, he straightens up his desk before rising from his seat and grabbing his coat to head out the door. Strolling through the empty hallways, he approaches Inoichi’s open door and is surprised to hear Ino’s scolding voice.
“Daddy! How could you throw a party without any decorations or party favors?”
Coming to a stop inside the doorframe, Ibiki arrives in time to see Inoichi arch a brow at his daughter standing with her arms akimbo in front of his desk.
“You obviously don’t know enough about bachelor parties to know that decorations and party favors are trivial and unnecessary,” Inoichi points out.
“You’re just being cheap and lazy, daddy,” she scoffs, causing Inoichi’s other brow to join the first as his inclines forward slightly and his gaze becomes a bit flinty.
“I’m being realistic, Ino,” he replies pointedly. “There is no planning needed except to pick the location. You have no experience with bachelor parties to know this and,” he raises a finger in emphasis as his voice hardens, “you better not ever get any by way of being the entertainment for one. Ever.”
Ino rolls her eyes.
“I’m just saying that a few decorations and party favors would’ve made things more fun.”
It’s Inoichi’s turn to roll his eyes while leaning back in his chair.
“The only things those guys are interested in is the booze and strippers. This time they have to do without the strippers.”
“Well, it’s going to be one hell of a boring party because of Naruto’s ‘no strippers’ rule,” Ino huffs, crossing her arms.
“Ino…” her father intones warningly.
“I’m sorry, but poor Anko’s been going nuts trying to make Naruto’s party fun for her and everyone, but it’s hard since she can’t even hire a stripper,” Ino explains defensively.
“That clearly shows how much of a crutch having strippers at bachelor and bachelorette parties are,” Ibiki comments, startling Ino since she was too focused on arguing with her father to realize he’s been standing behind her. “A true celebration would be fun without such crude entertainment. How is it appropriate to call it a last hurrah of someone’s single life by having a total stranger strip down and dance provocatively?”
Ino throws her hands up in frustration, “You two are ignoring the entire point!”
“Regardless of what you think, it’s one of the few restrictions Naruto asked for and I’m perfectly fine with it,” Ibiki points out. He then adds, “Anko left early to get things ready for the party, aren’t you supposed to go help her?”
“Shit! I forgot! Gotta go. See you later. Bye, Daddy!” Ino’s voice echoes down the hallway since she already darted out of the room.
“Thanks for getting her off my back about my party planning skills,” the blond sighs gratefully.
“It’s the least I could do since you’ve had to deal with the most bitching over the party in the first place,” Ibiki replies.
Inoichi groans while arching his back before rising to his feet. Walking from behind his desk toward Ibiki, he asks, “I take it you’re done for the day?”
Ibiki nods as the blond falls in step next to him.
“Judging by the sour looks and muttered grumblings, I take it the guys didn’t get their way about closing up shop and leaving early?”
“No,” Ibiki mutters succinctly.
Inoichi chuckles.
“They should’ve known better and dropped it the first time they asked instead of keeping it up all week.”
“I might’ve reconsidered had they dropped it the first time,” Ibiki replies in barely suppressed annoyance. “They know better than to nag and whine with me. Nothing pisses me off more than begging.”
“Anko obviously didn’t do that, did she? Because I haven’t seen her since lunch time.”
Ibiki nods.
“She also asked me weeks ago and offered to come in early tomorrow to make up for it.” Glancing over, he notices Inoichi’s arched brow. “My thoughts exactly. I even offered to let her come in late instead, but she’s certain she’s not going to get wasted this time.”
“Uh huh,” Inoichi agrees with absolutely no sincerity. “Famous last words.”
“Indeed. She’s nothing if not consistent, so I scheduled Shimon and Mozuku to come in with her in the morning.”
Inoichi blinks before shrewdly eyeing Ibiki.
“Damn, they really did piss you off for you to come down that hard on them.”
“They were the biggest whiners for getting off early,” he tersely explains. “Tonbo wasn’t nearly as bad as those two, so he’s off the hook from dealing with Anko and I scheduled him to work with me tomorrow evening.”
“I don’t see why they lobbied so hard. Ino is correct, it’s going to be a dull bachelor party,” the blond observes. At Ibiki’s arched brow, he explains further. “I don’t have a problem with that. Unlike my daughter, we both know why Naruto declared strippers off limits, but we both also know that is really the only draw to a stag party, which are all the same and really not that interesting.” Sighing wearily, he adds, “I’m long past my wild bachelor party days and you know I would’ve been fine if you got your way and there was no party at all.”
“We’re only doing this to shut everyone up,” Ibiki reminds him.
“Exactly,” Inoichi agrees before asking, “Are you going to head home for a bit before heading to the bar?”
Ibiki shakes his head.
“I’m going to stop by Kakashi’s place to see Naruto then head straight to the bar. I plan on having dinner in peace, otherwise I’ll have several comrades attempting to distract me so they can try to get me drunk on an empty stomach.”
“I’ll see you there. I’m going home first to see Saki for a bit then I’ll head over to the bar for dinner.”
“Is your wife going to Naruto’s party?”
The older blond shakes his head.
“No. Saki’s of the same mindset we are. She’s never felt comfortable seeing how wild the other ladies would deliberately get. She also wants to see how Ino fares at her first bachelorette party without feeling like her mother is watching.”
“Do you two seriously think she’s going to listen to any advice you both gave her?” Ibiki asks, arching a brow.
“Not at all,” Inoichi replies promptly. “We’re both sure she’s going to get totally bombed and agree it’ll be a good learning experience for her.”
Ibiki chuckles with Inoichi before parting ways outside and heading straight for Kakashi’s apartment.
Iruka lets him inside before checking to see if Naruto is awake while he exchanges greetings with Temari. Moments later Naruto emerges and Temari excuses herself to make tea in the kitchen, giving them some privacy.
“Just got off work?” Naruto asks, stretching a little to kiss him.
Drawing her into his arms, he spends some time returning the kiss before pulling back to answer her question.
“Yes. I thought I’d stop by to see you before heading over to the bar and having dinner in peace. I wanted to know if you want to spend the night at my place tonight instead of coming back here.”
“Definitely, but I’ve got a better suggestion.” Her voice drops low as she adds, “How ‘bout we bail and hide while we still have the chance?”
“Don’t even think about it!” Iruka snaps from down the hallway.
“And I’ll back her up!” Temari’s voice hisses from the kitchen.
“Fuck,” Naruto sags in his embrace.
Chuckling Ibiki points out, “We only have to put up with it for tonight.”
Naruto pouts, “At least you have the option of drinking if you want to.”
Kissing her forehead he reminds her, “The baby and bridal showers turned out better than you expected, so it shouldn’t be that bad.” Smirking he quickly adds, “Despite Anko being in charge.”
“Yeah, I know,” she grumbles in defeat.
Through his chuckles, he suggests, “Why don’t you go try finishing your nap and I’ll see if I can rescue you early from your party, deal?”
“Deal,” Naruto smiles softly before kissing him again and sending him on his way.
Soon after Ibiki arrives at the bar and grill three hours before the party is due to begin. The hostess complies with his request to be seated at a booth with low visibility. It’s large enough to seat six people, but the advantage is he won’t be immediately visible to those comrades coming in who are determined to get him drunk tonight.
While he peruses the menu, Inoichi slides into the seat across from him.
“So Naruto didn’t convince you to ditch the parties and go into hiding?” Inoichi asks facetiously.
“Iruka and Temari were far too vigilant. Any attempts would’ve been suicide,” Ibiki deadpans, causing Inoichi to chuckle.
“Iruka isn’t one for bachelorette parties either, so she’s not forcing Naruto into going because she feels like partying,” Kakashi’s voice adds.
The two men turn to blink in surprise at Kakashi standing next to their table. Very rarely does anyone ever manage to sneak up on them. Ibiki scoots over to give him room. Accepting the silent invite, Kakashi sits down.
“She isn’t ignoring Naruto’s reluctance,” he continues. “She wants her to have the same experiences most brides have. She feels Naruto was forced to live with being the exception to doing things like other kids far too often growing up.”
“I can’t argue with that,” Inoichi sighs. “Naruto’s upbringing can’t be described as normal by any means.”
“If Naruto had her way she’d be spending her entire pregnancy holed up from the world somewhere. As reluctant as she’s been to attend all the parties thrown for her so far, she’s enjoyed all of them,” Ibiki points out.
Kakashi nods in agreement.
“She tries convincing herself she doesn’t want to do these things because she doesn’t want to be disappointed.”
“She’s definitely had plenty of practice being disappointed,” Inoichi muses.
“Which is why everyone has gone out of their way to make these parties successful,” Kakashi explains as the server approaches to take their orders.
When she finishes and walks away, Inoichi asks, “Why are you here so early, Kakashi?”
Kakashi smiles.
“I decided to stay out of the way while Iruka and Temari continue trying to convince Naruto to willingly go to her bachelorette party. I didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire.”
“You’d probably end up being taken hostage,” Ibiki quips.
Inoichi chuckles before stating, “Naruto sometimes does need a nudge. I think she enjoys getting dragged into these things kicking and screaming.”
“I think you’re right,” Ibiki muses. “Although, it still surprises her when she actually has fun when she’s convinced herself she won’t. I think it adds to her enjoyment.”
They continue chatting over dinner, until Inoichi glances over at two figures approaching their table out of the corner of his eye.
“Well, I didn’t think you two would be joining in these festivities,” he comments, leaning back in his seat.
“I may be old, but I’m not dead yet,” Homura quips in a rare display of humor as he forces Inoichi to move all the way in so he and Hiashi can sit down.
“I can’t always be the upright, stuffy old fart people expect me to be,” Hiashi wittily replies, settling at the end of the booth as Ibiki, Kakashi and Inoichi gape at him in surprise. Ignoring them, he adds, “If I don’t attend a bachelor party on occasion, people will believe I’m asexual and both my daughters were hatched from an egg.”
“You two just want to see what happens at a bachelor party thrown in Ibiki’s honor,” Shikaku mutters, sauntering up as they laugh.
Without any prodding, Ibiki and Kakashi slide over to give him the last space.
“It is a once in a lifetime event,” Kakashi points out, earning an annoyed scowl from Ibiki.
Ignoring them, Inoichi nods in the direction of Shikamaru who is chatting with Kiba, Mozuku, Raido and Konohamaru.
“I’m surprised you got Shikamaru to come for this, considering his aversion to socializing.”
“It’s the same as with Tsunade’s New Years party. Yoshino forced him to come and socialize rather than allow him to stay at home and sleep.”
“Where’s Choza?” Ibiki asks, noticing their teammate isn’t in the bar.
“He and Choji have an intense training session going on and they’re at a point where it’s too hard for them to interrupt right now, so they’ve decided to take a pass,” Shikaku explains.
“Choji is missing out then,” Kakashi muses, looking around the room and noting all the new faces, mostly friends of Naruto’s. “With so many of the Konoha 11 here for their first stag party, you know the older jounins in particular are going to take shameless advantage of the opportunity to get them drunk and embarrass them.”
“With no strippers that means they’re even bigger targets,” Homura muses.
“No, it means the older jounins are going to be even more sadistic in their pranks,” Ibiki quips, prompting more laughter.
The six men continue to talk as more guests arrive, taking their turns to congratulate Ibiki and crack jokes at his expense about getting married and becoming a father.
“All right boys, Jiraiya’s here, so we can start the party!” Jiraiya boisterously announces to the packed bar of shinobi.
Ibiki rolls his eyes, muttering, “Let the chaos begin.”
The rest of their table snigger as Inoichi adds, “At least it means this nonsense will be over sooner than later.”
The other men murmur their agreement as Jiraiya comes over and claps Ibiki hard on the shoulder.
“Good to see you didn’t try skipping out, Ibiki.”
Scowling in irritation, Ibiki replies, “It wouldn’t be fair since Naruto is having to go to her party.”
“I don’t envy Anko since she’s got to try to make Naruto’s bachelorette party memorable,” Jiraiya replies airily.
“That’s because you’re not there to get roaring drunk, do something embarrassing and pass out, Jiraiya!” Genma calls from across the room.
The room erupts in laughter as Jiraiya’s grin drops to a glare.
“What about you, Genma?” Raido quips from across the room.
“What about me? Getting trashed and humiliated by my comrades is more Kotetsu and Izumo’s thing,” Genma retorts back.
“Oh yeah? What about that time you passed out and got stripped naked and dumped in the center of the market in the middle of the night with a sign that read, ‘Tinker Toy’?” Izumo challenges.
“That was you,” Kotetsu points out.
“No it wasn’t.”
“Yes it was. You just blocked out the trauma of waking up surrounded by a squad of sniggering ANBU summoned because of reports of indecent exposure,” Kotetsu explains.
“And where were you?” a beet red Izumo snaps, trying to ignore the surrounding laughter.
“Waking up buck naked in the middle of the Academy yard surrounded by a group of sniggering students until Iruka came out and nearly neutered him with a kunai,” Aoba calls out from across the room, causing Kotetsu to turn a deep shade of crimson.
The guys fall into sharing the most embarrassing bachelor party stories about each other. Eventually Ibiki and the others move from the booth to a table because all the guys were trying to sit near them and none of them like being crowded in like that. Yamato, Gai and Ibiki’s minions are among the late stragglers, with Gai in particular contributing greatly to the increase in the noise levels.
Just as Ibiki thought, some of the guys keep buying him drinks in an attempt to get him drunk. Much to their annoyance he slowly nurses whatever he already has or orders water. All extra drinks he doesn’t want he merely passes on to someone else who is willing to drink it. Often it’s one of the rookies.
“All right, gentlemen! May I have your undivided attention!” Jiraiya bellows from his perch at the bar. When the room quiets, he holds up his glass in a toast and declares, “Ibiki, you’re a brave soul to willingly give up bachelorhood and choose to get married, especially to the biggest prankster in all the elemental nations.”
He pauses as the room erupts into whistles and catcalls of agreement from the rowdy shinobi.
“Even though you’re not known for getting wild and cutting loose,” the sannin continues. “Izumo, Kotetsu and I really want you to leave bachelorhood with a bang because it wouldn’t be a true sendoff without one. All right, boys, get moving to set this up quickly,” he claps his hands and directs the shinobi in the room to rearrange the tables and chairs.
Ibiki’s gaze drifts over to Inoichi who slaps a hand to his forehead with a groan before looking up at the T&I specialist.
“I’m sure it’s exactly what you think it is,” the older blond replies to the unspoken question. Sighing, he adds, “I told them repeatedly, no strippers.”
As Ibiki’s scowl deepens, Kakashi mutters, “We really shouldn’t have expected differently from Jiraiya.”
“He probably thinks Naruto’s not going to hear about this or do anything in retaliation,” Yamato muses.
“Jiraiya’s always been under the mistaken assumption that he knows how to handle Naruto,” Hiashi reasons. “Even the times she’s proved that false never seems to fully convince him of the truth.”
Inoichi throws up his hands declaring, “I’m not responsible for any of it.”
“Naruto’s not going to hold you responsible,” Kakashi points out.
“No, but Yoshino might,” Shikaku snorts, causing them to laugh at Inoichi’s groan.
Once a large space is cleared in the center of the room, Ibiki is cajoled into moving from his current position to one of the chairs edging the area.
Two young women appear and make their way through the cheering crowd to the center of the floor. Both are covered shoulder to ankles in layers of chiffon scarves. The multi-colored layers make the black haired girl and blue haired girl resemble walking shag carpets than strippers.
“Who’s the groom?” the black haired girl asks, searching the room.
When the guys point to Ibiki, she smiles and saunters over. Producing a white rose, she pins it to his lapel.
Kissing his cheek she says, “Congratulations on getting married. We are your entertainment for the evening.”
Finishing with a bow, she quickly moves into position on the floor near her partner.
The brunette missed the look of horror on her partner’s face when she takes a good look at Ibiki, but a few of the guys caught it. She barely manages to blank her expression right when the music starts.
Rolling their hips and undulating their arms the two twirl and glide gracefully across the floor. The layers of lightweight, sheer material float and shift with each movement, making the ladies appear weightless, as if moving through water. Their routine keeps them polar opposite of each other across the floor, ensuring they’re performing for every member of their appreciative, albeit slightly rowdy audience.
Before moving to dance before another man, each girl hands the end of a scarf for a shinobi to hold, so as they spin away it slides from their bodies. Each time a scarf is removed, the shaggy volume covering them steadily thins, revealing more of their curvy bodies.
The blue haired girl has trouble staying on her side of the room whenever their routine brings her close to Ibiki. Each time she’s too close for comfort, she pointedly pays more attention to the other men around him.
The brunette doesn’t fail to notice what her partner is doing. She gracefully glides back over to Ibiki’s side of the room where she stays for the remainder of their routine. She not only has Ibiki remove one of her scarves, but even manages to get an extremely reluctant Hiashi to pull one off.
When all the scarves are gone, it appears the dancer’s torsos are swathed in one scarf. Moving to meet in the middle of the floor, the ladies tie the ends of their scarves together before pirouetting gracefully away from each other in a counterclockwise motion.
A long swath stretches out between them before floating to the floor as both finish in a graceful pose at opposite ends. Each stands with one leg in front of the other, their backs slightly arched with one arm extended in the air, wearing flesh toned bikinis and thongs accented with glass beads.
When room erupts into boisterous cheers and applause, both bow to the crowd before putting on their yukata. The blue haired girl gathers up the scarves from the shinobi while the brunette approaches Ibiki.
Bowing again, she says, “Congratulations again on your marriage and, from what I understand, the impending birth of your first child.”
“Thank you,” he nods. “For your sentiments and your performance. You both did a very good job despite your partner’s obvious discomfort.
“I’m so sorry!” she apologizes sincerely, blushing and bowing. “She’s a novice at dancing professionally. She doesn’t fully understand we are here to entertain, not offend.”
“You both still did very well,” Ibiki waves it off.
“Your routine is very original,” Inoichi comments. “It’s refreshing that you didn’t do the usual lewd display most strippers perform at bachelor parties.”
“Thank you,” the girl smiles. “Those routines are a dime a dozen and can be performed by anyone, which is why this business is so competitive. I got the idea from a friend of mine who’s a male stripper to make the routine more of a performance than a peep show.”
Looking back at Ibiki, she asks, “Is your fiancée is having her bachelorette party this evening too?”
Surprised, Ibiki replies, “Yes.”
“My friend was hired by two kunoichi named Hana and Tenten because like us, and as I mentioned, he doesn’t do the usual bump and grind routine,” she explains. “Because of that, we get a lot more bookings than most strippers.”
Glancing over her shoulder, she notices her partner is done gathering up all their props and is packing them away while flirting with some of the shinobi in the crowd. Turning back, the brunette kisses Ibiki again on the cheek.
“Again, congratulations,” she smiles before walking out with her partner.
“Didn’t Naruto make it very clear she did not want a stripper at her party?” Hiashi asks, speaking just loud enough for them to hear above the noise of the chairs and tables being put back.
Ibiki nods while Inoichi replies, “That’s why Yoshino did her the favor of closely monitoring Anko so her wishes would be respected.”
“Which proves Anko had nothing to do with it. She’s too afraid of Yoshino to cross her,” Shikaku point out.
“It doesn’t bode well for Hana and Tenten then,” Kakashi comments.
Homura snorts, “And Jiraiya once Yoshino finds out.”
“You’re all forgetting Naruto,” Yamato points out, capturing their attention. “A pregnant kunoichi with raging hormones is not one to cross, ever.”
The six men shudder before laughing at the fate Jiraiya, Kotetsu, Izumo, Tenten and Hana drew for themselves.
“Congratulations on a job well done, Jun,” Jiraiya tells the black haired dancer outside the bar. “Ibiki seemed to enjoy your performance despite the apparent discomfort of your partner,” he finishes, looking pointedly at the blue haired girl.
“I’m so sorry, Jiraiya,” Jun apologizes with a deep bow. Straightening up, she looks at the other girl and scolds, “That was really unprofessional, Arisa.”
“I couldn’t help it!” Arisa snaps. “The scars on that guy were really scary and ugly!”
Jun rolls her eyes.
“They’re just scars and it doesn’t matter whom you dance for as long as you’re getting paid.”
“Easy for you to say,” Arisa huffs. “Seeing something like that throws off my concentration.”
“A sneeze throws you off,” Jun retorts. More seriously she adds, “If you ever want to go on your own and keep booking parties, you’ve got to get over that. We live in a shinobi village and scars come with the territory. Besides, you acting that blatantly shallow has lost us a few gigs already and we can’t afford to be picky.”
Jiraiya nods.
“Shinobi are keen observers with long memories and most, if not all, of the guys there tonight noticed your attitude. I know all of them and they’re protective of their friends and comrades. So to see one of their own insulted, even subtly like what you did, tends to offend them. They’ll remember and won’t likely hire you if there’s another bachelor party.”
Feeling picked on, Arisa crosses her arms and pouts.
“That’s a stupid thing to take offense over. It’s not like I said what was on my mind, like I was wondering if his fiancée is blind or a gold digger because I can’t see how anyone can marry a guy that looks like that anyway.”
Jun slaps forehead before turning to Jiraiya and bowing deeply.
“I’m so sorry for Arisa’s attitude. She just doesn’t get that it’s unwise to discriminate against clients for any reason, especially in our line of work.”
Jiraiya waves it off.
“Maybe a more neutral party needs to send her a clearer message.” Pulling out more money, he hands it to Jun, saying, “It’s a tip for dancing so well for the groom and being the consummate professional.” Turning to an expectant Arisa, he says, “Your tip is a verbal one. Never insult someone you don’t know like that in front of someone you don’t know well because you might be insulting their goddaughter, which cost you the monetary tip I would’ve paid you otherwise.” Smiling at the gob smacked Arisa, he waves at Jun as he turns to walk back inside. “Goodnight, ladies!”
The night wore on and Ibiki doesn’t fail to notice just about everyone is enjoying the party, even if he’s been long bored with it. Homura and Hiashi left not long after the dancers performed, deciding they cut loose enough for one night and both had enough to do the following day.
It doesn’t surprise him that the other guys have essentially forgotten about him. They’re too busy trying to invent a new drinking game involving shadow clones and darts while performing certain acrobatic feats.
Deciding to call it a night, Ibiki tells Inoichi, “I’m leaving.”
“Me too,” Inoichi nods. “We did our time here and I don’t need any more blackmail material on any of these guys.” Addressing Kakashi, Yamato and Shikaku, he asks, “If you’re going to stick around, can you three make sure the guys don’t end up destroying the place?”
“Iruka’s still at Naruto’s party and since I’ve got nothing better to do, I’ll stick around,” Kakashi agrees.
“I’ll help keep an eye on things,” Yamato echoes the sentiment.
“Not me,” Shikaku states. “I might as well head out with you two. Yoshino won’t be as angry if she doesn’t have to come get me.”
After sharing a laugh, Ibiki and Inoichi thank Kakashi and Yamato and all exchange goodbyes before the trio leaves.
As they walk away from the bar, Inoichi glares over his shoulder at it before looking forward again and shaking his head.
“What’s wrong?” Shikaku asks, frowning slightly in concern.
“Nothing. I just can’t believe those guys didn’t bat an eye at Ibiki leaving since most of them insisted he had to have a bachelor party. They’re too busy arguing over that drinking game they’re trying to create,” Inoichi grouses.
Ibiki waves it off.
“The party was never for me. Granted some were dead set on getting me drunk, but lost interest after repeated failures. Then it became all about their fun. The whole thing is simply an excuse for everyone to get drunk during a weeknight outside of a holiday.”
“Are you heading straight home, Ibiki?” Shikaku asks.
He shakes his head.
“I want to peek in on Naruto’s party. She was fighting going to it until the last minute and I promised to rescue her from it early if I could. Since she hasn’t come looking for me yet, one of three things happened.” Holding up a gloved hand, he ticks off points. “One, she enjoyed it more than she anticipated. Two, she managed to escape at some point and since she hasn’t come looking for me that means I have to figure out where she’s hiding. Three, which I believe is the most likely, they kept her against her will and she’s going out of her mind with boredom.”
Inoichi and Shikaku bust out laughing.
“Option three is the most likely,” Inoichi agrees, chuckling.
“Are you planning on sneaking into her party?” Shikaku arches a brow.
“I doubt it’s necessary,” Ibiki shrugs. “The girls are just as bad as the guys, so they’re likely already past the point of caring if I crash or not.”
“If Yoshino didn’t kill the stripper before he performed, then they’re getting close to the drinking game portion of the night,” Shikaku muses thoughtfully.
“It always comes back to the booze doesn’t it?” Inoichi sighs wearily.
Ibiki and Shikaku murmur their agreement as they arrive at the restaurant.
As Ibiki predicted, it doesn’t take much effort to sneak into the party. They find Naruto slouched sideways in a throne-like chair with her legs draped over one arm and her torso angled to prop her chin up on the armrest with her right fist wearing some sort of tiara-veil thing while watching the rest of the partygoers with a bored eye. Iruka and Yoshino sit nearby talking quietly, looking up in surprise with Naruto to greet the men as they approach.
Naruto promptly jumps out of the chair and hopefully asks, “Did you come to rescue me?”
Chuckling, Ibiki ignores the question to comment, “Nice tiara.”
Blue eyes narrow in irritation. Snatching it off, she growls, “I forgot about the stupid thing. Ino insisted I wear it.”
Still chuckling, Ibiki kisses her cheek in greeting before combing his fingers through her hair to smooth out the tousled mess ripping the tiara off made.
Scanning the room, Inoichi observes, “This is definitely Anko’s handiwork. The pairs of blue balloons are a nice metaphor. Though, I’m really surprised she didn’t use penis shaped balloons.”
Grinning, Iruka explains, “They were in the same shipment as the penis napkins, which didn’t arrive in time.”
Ibiki chuckles and shakes his head.
“Unfortunately, the penis shaped paper plates did make it, so you can imagine what it’s like eating chicken cordon bleu off of those things,” Yoshino grumbles.
The three men laugh quietly since they don’t want to get dragged into whatever drinking game the rest of the ladies are heavily involved in.
Watching the ladies for a few moments, Ibiki asks, “What are they doing?”
Naruto rolls her eyes.
“They call it ‘Shot Limbo.’ The object is to bend back and shuffle under the gradually lowered broomstick while balancing a shot glass of water on your forehead. No chakra. The restaurant didn’t want booze falling on the carpet, but agreed to let them use water.” Pointing over to a nearby table with a dozen shot glasses, she adds, “If the glass falls, you have to take a shot of straight whisky.”
“What happens if someone wins?” Inoichi asks.
Naruto shrugs.
“They don’t seem to care who wins because they really didn’t explain how a winner is determined.”
“At least they figured out a game,” Shikaku muses. “When we left the guys were trying to invent a new drinking game, but couldn’t agree on how to play, much less the rules.”
As the three ladies laugh, Inoichi points over to the punch table with a confused expression, asking, “What kind of ice sculpture is that?”
Naruto smirks.
“It was a penis with punch burbling out of the tip like a fountain.” She nods at their incredulous stares, adding, “You should’ve seen it at the height of its glory.”
“I wish I hadn’t,” Yoshino grumbles. She then asks, “Why are you three here?”
“I got bored a long time ago and finally got the chance to leave without someone badgering me to stay,” Ibiki answers.
“What about our son?” Yoshino asks Shikaku.
“Still at the party,” he shrugs. Ignoring her glare, he adds, “Interesting thing is no one’s letting him hide in a corner and nap. They actually got him to knock back a couple of drinks.”
“You left our son to get drunk?” Yoshino growls threateningly.
“No one is making him stay,” he shrugs again. “Look at it this way,” he reasons. “You’ll have the fun of having a hung over son to take out all of tonight’s humiliating frustrations on in the morning.”
Naruto grows scared for Shikamaru because of the sadistic expression on Yoshino’s face.
Iruka asks Inoichi, “Are you taking Ino home?”
Glancing over at Ino who hasn’t noticed him yet he takes his turn to shrug.
“No, this is her first bachelorette party and I warned her about overdoing it. I’m chalking this up as something she’s got to learn the hard way.” Smirking, he adds, “She’s scheduled this month in T&I, learning how to do my job and is working with Anko in the morning.”
Naruto and Iruka wince simultaneously in sympathy.
“That’s just evil,” a grin spreads on Naruto’s face.
“Is there still a chance to schedule Shikamaru for tomorrow?” Yoshino asks innocently, causing everyone to laugh. They aren’t worried about attracting attention anymore because the limbo game is getting pretty raucous.
Turning to her fiancé, Naruto quirks a brow.
“We heard Jiraiya hired a stripper for your party?”
“Two actually,” Ibiki nods. “Seems unfair you only had one.”
Naruto laughs before admitting, “Hana and Tenten apparently wanted to right some sexist, grievous wrong by hiring the guy. They believed you were pressuring me into not having a stripper.” At his arched brow, she adds, “They drew that conclusion all on their own without asking me about it.”
“Seems like Jiraiya did the same thing and roped Izumo and Kotetsu along for the ride,” Inoichi adds.
Naruto rolls her eyes.
“At least the stripper was entertaining and didn’t do anything to freak me out.”
Ibiki nods again.
“Surprisingly the strippers Jiraiya hired were also pretty good and didn’t get sleazy in their routines.”
Looking around Naruto sighs, “Can you help me sneak out now? I’ve been here long enough.”
“Why didn’t you leave already?” Inoichi asks, looking confused.
“No one will let her,” Iruka shakes her head with a smirk. “Usually two or three of them insist on escorting her to the bathroom, going so far as to tie ninja wire around her waist so she won’t escape.”
“We’ve tried intervening on her behalf,” Yoshino irritably adds. “But it’s hard reasoning with slightly inebriated kunoichi. Now that they’re getting closer to the drunk mark it’s even harder.”
“They couldn’t even make up a game I can play,” Naruto grumbles. “I can’t bend back like that right now.” Smirking, she adds, “Now that you’re here, I got a plan at least, but I need you to be my decoy.”
Minutes later Ibiki, Inoichi, Shikaku and Yoshino stroll out, waving at the ladies who finally notice them.
Naruto slumps back into the throne while Iruka stays behind to keep her company. Shizune joins them and is one of the few partygoers still completely sober.
Tsume left not long after Hinata and Hanabi because, like Hiashi, she has a clan to run and council duties the following day. Everyone else remained.
Seeing Ibiki and the others leaving, Temari and Anko wander over.
“It’s too early for bedtime, Naruto,” Anko chirps cheerfully.
“Quit looking bored, Red,” Temari scolds.
With her legs still draped over the armrest, Naruto slouched down further to dangle her head over the other armrest and stare at the ceiling. That is, if she could see. She pulled the veil of the tiara to cover her eyes.
Raising a hand to lift the veil she glares snapping, “Maybe if you played a game I could participate in then maybe I wouldn’t be so bored.”
Looking around Anko realizes Yoshino isn’t there.
“Hey, the prison matron is gone, maybe now we can have some real fun!” she declares happily.
That prompts a cheer from some of the ladies who drifted over to join them while Naruto rolls her eyes.
“Quit being a party pooper. It’s not our fault you got knocked up,” Temari snaps.
Reaching out, she pokes the redhead, causing Naruto to poof out and the tiara to clatter to the floor.
“You broke her!” Moegi gasps drunkenly.
Anko smacks her upside the head.
“It’s a shadow clone, dimwit; she snuck out on us.”
“She’s pregnant. That’ll slow her down, so maybe she hasn’t gotten far,” Ino muses. “We can go get her and bring her back!”
Interrupting the murmured assents, Tsunade states, “As fun as a hunt sounds, Naruto does need her rest and it’s late.”
Iruka and Shizune don’t fail to notice the limbo game has been completely forgotten by all the participants with no declared winner.
“Since Yoshino’s gone too that means anything goes!” Anko pipes up,
“Why don’t we invade the guy’s party and stir up trouble,” Yugao suggests to a rousing chorus of agreement.
Iruka and Shizune quietly sit back and watch them all head out to the bar and grill where Ibiki’s party is being held. While the ladies were distracted, Iruka quietly informed Shizune about Naruto sneaking out.
“I’m glad they didn’t decide to hunt down Naruto,” Iruka muses, leaning back in her chair.
“Me too,” Shizune agrees. “I noticed Naruto wasn’t enjoying the party as much as she should. It was long past time for her to call it a night.”
Both women wait a few minutes, watching the restaurant staff begin cleaning up the room.
“Shall we follow the tipsy herd to the bachelor party?” Iruka asks Shizune.
“I think we’ve given them enough of a head start,” Shizune agrees as she rises to her feet and walks with Iruka to the door. “At least this keeps them from destroying the restaurant.”
Iruka nods as they exit the building.
“Kakashi is probably still at the other party and won’t be drunk. So, if a couple of the other guys are also sober they can help with any drunk wrangling.”
“Hopefully that’s the case because I really don’t want to have to summon ANBU if they get out of hand,” Shizune sighs, rolling her eyes as Iruka laughs.
Outside the restaurant Naruto steps from around the corner of the building, falling into step with Ibiki and the others.
“Thanks for your perfect timing,” she sighs in relief. “They watched me like a hawk so I never got to create a clone to switch with.”
“I figured you were just as bored as I was by now and you made enough of an appearance to make everyone happy,” Ibiki points out. “Did you at least have some fun at the party?”
“Yeah,” Naruto nods. “But it really sucks getting stuck on the sidelines watching everyone else. If I weren’t pregnant I could’ve challenged Baa-chan to a rematch of our drinking contest because I have another joke to try out on her.” She gives the others a chance to laugh before asking, “How’d your party go?”
“It was fine,” Ibiki shrugs. “Nothing new or exciting.”
Frowning slightly in concern, Naruto asks, “Did Gai make sure Lee didn’t go or at least kept him from drinking anything besides water?”
“Lee is on patrol duty tonight, so he didn’t make the party at all,” he replies.
At Naruto’s sigh of relief Yoshino asks, “Why? All your other friends are drinking tonight and he’s old enough.
“Lee becomes a brawling fool if he takes so much as a swig of alcohol,” Naruto explains. “Gai said when Lee was still a genin he completely trashed one restaurant when he accidentally took a drink from his sake cup. And I mean trashed as in completely demolished.”
Shikaku studies her before saying, “You’re not over exaggerating, are you?”
Shaking her head, she adds, “It’s a strict rule among anyone who knows. If anyone slips and lets Lee have a drink, they pay for all the damages. Kiba didn’t believe us and decided to go bar hopping with Lee one night about three years ago. They never got past the first hour much less out of the first bar. In fact, he’s still paying back his mom for covering the bill.”
“The owner wasn’t too unhappy about the damage, though,” she continues with a shrug. “He got to completely remodel and upgraded to a classier joint.” Quirking a brow, she twists to ask Yoshino walking with her husband and Inoichi behind them, “Don’t you think that was a nice restaurant the party was at tonight?” At the older woman’s nod, she adds, “That was the place Lee trashed. It used to be a rundown dive.”
Incredulous, Ibiki asks, “Are you serious?”
Straightening up to look at him, Naruto nods.
“It used to be a dump called the Rusty Blades. ANBU used to bust up brawls there every other night.”
Recognition lights up Inoichi and Shikaku’s eyes.
“We made the mistake of going in there a long time ago,” Inoichi explains. “Dump is one of the nicer words to describe that place.”
“There were so many glaring health code violations I was surprised it stayed open for as long as it did,” Shikaku adds.
“How is it you know so much about this bar?” Yoshino sternly asks Naruto.
Naruto shrugs indifferently.
“Because I used to hang out on the streets watching the goings on whenever I wasn’t in school, at home or training. I’d practice my stealth by hiding in the shadows watching people, pretending I was in ANBU. That particular bar was fun because the fights were usually really good. A lot of shinobi went there for the cheap sake, not realizing the reason it was so cheap was because it was watered down.”
“You were too young to be hanging out on the streets like that!” Yoshino scolds.
Tamping down her initial anger, Naruto takes a deep breath.
“It’s not like I had anywhere else to go and it was lonely being home all the time. And sometimes it was safer to be out because home was the first place the drunks looking to punish the demon would go looking.”
Yoshino stares before stating, “I thought the Third came down hard on your attackers.”
“Yeah, after the fact,” Naruto shrugs again. At Yoshino’s stunned expression she sighs, “Jiji couldn’t keep a guard on me all the time. He just didn’t have the manpower and that’s if the council would’ve let him. He tried a few times trying to have it paid out of the orphan aid accounts but Koharu kept arguing that giving me one would strain the funds. They would’ve had to drop the guard on Sasuke’s precious backside and no one was agreeing to that.”
She pauses as they pass other pedestrians.
“Because Jiji harshly punished any violators there weren’t many willing to cross him, but some still tried. Each incident earned me time in the hospital recovering from knife cuts and broken bones. All before I even graduated the academy.” Jerking her head toward Ibiki, she adds, “You can ask Ibiki. That’s how far back we’ve known each other because he investigated nearly every incident.”
The others easily see the truth in Ibiki’s stony expression.
“How did you know Koharu stonewalled the motion to approve a guard for you?” Shikaku’s calculating gaze studies her.
“I visited Jiji right after one of his proposals was shot down,” Naruto sighs heavily. “He was having a very loud argument with Koharu in his office.” She ducks her head slightly in embarrassment. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but the door was open and I heard it all. I went straight home afterward figuring it wasn’t a good time to bother him. He did get me better locks for the door and windows and extra kunai, which I stashed around the apartment. The kunai really came in handy once, but got some villagers calling for my arrest because I stabbed one of my attackers.” Smirking, she adds, “That’s why I can’t completely believe that most of Konoha has changed their tune.”
Ibiki interrupts, muttering, “The difference between then and now is I’m not letting anyone lay a hand on you anymore.”
Naruto smiles softly, her eyes not quite believing it, but not saying a word.
The contemplative silence continues until Ibiki and Naruto part ways with the others when they reach their crossroad. After exchanging goodnights, the three older shinobi watch the couple walk down the street before drifting off together toward their own homes.
“They still haven’t realized they love each other, have they?” Shikaku muses.
Inoichi shakes his head.
“They’ve fallen into their relationship so easily I don’t think they’ve noticed,” the blond observes. “Both believe they simply work well together for a common goal and only care for each other. They’ve seen too many examples of couples struggling to make things work they don’t realize their relationship doesn’t follow that perceived standard.”
“Naruto’s stuck on the idea there’s no room for love in an arranged marriage,” Yoshino adds.
“It has more to do with her believing it’s impossible for anyone to genuinely love her unconditionally,” her husband corrects. “Ibiki pretty much believes the same thing, resigning himself to permanent bachelorhood because of his job.”
“Makes them the perfect match doesn’t it?” Yoshino muses.
“Doesn’t matter,” Inoichi shrugs. “Eventually both will realize they do love each other. They’ll just be oblivious until then.” With a resigned sigh, he adds, “Makes sense Naruto is particularly disbelieving after everything she’s endured.”
“I feel so guilty for not doing more when she was younger,” Yoshino admits, shame weighing heavily in her tone. “I ignorantly assumed the Third had all her needs taken care of and used the excuse I was busy raising our son to have time to help anyone else.”
“It probably wouldn’t have mattered,” Shikaku reasons. “The Third basically isolated Naruto because he couldn’t trust anyone near her. There were too many attempts to kill her by people he trusted, even his own ANBU.”
“We can’t change the past,” Inoichi firmly states. “We just need to correct our mistakes and do everything we can to make her present and future a hell of a lot better.”
The other couple nods as they continue on their way home.
As they walk away, Naruto latches onto Ibiki’s arm, leaning her cheek against the side of his shoulder with a weary sigh.
“Are you okay?” he quietly asks, looking down at her.
“I’m fine. I just hate dredging up the past when it’s done and gone.”
“You do realize Yoshino didn’t mean any harm, right?”
“Yeah,” she nods against his arm. “I’m not angry over how I grew up. Like I’ve said before, others had it worse. But she shouldn’t have been surprised ‘cause what happened wasn’t hidden. Word got around quickly when I stabbed that guy, but some, like Sasuke’s kiss asses, claimed it was an unprovoked attack. Dumbasses,” she huffs while rolling her eyes. “Wasn’t like the wound was life threatening. I was only eight and he was three times my size and bulk. So unless Yoshino was stuck in a deep hole, there’s no way she couldn’t have known about any of that stuff.”
Gently sliding his arm out of her grasp he wraps it around her shoulders, pulling her close.
“Yoshino should’ve known,” he agrees. “But that would’ve meant acknowledging there was a problem. Life is a lot easier when you live in ignorant bliss.”
Looking up at him with a smirk, she quips, “I’ve been accused of being an ignorant dobe all my life, sure as hell wasn’t that blissful.” Both chuckle before she smiles softly, saying, “Even though Yoshino and the others were fairly passive and deliberately obtuse while I was growing up, it’s nice whenever they get outraged on my behalf.”
“It’s better late than never,” he observes, gently giving her a squeeze. Watching her stifle a yawn, he chuckles, “Tired?”
“Long day,” she replies, resting her head against his shoulder. “I got up early to check on the flower shipment at Inoichi’s shop and a few other things coming in for the wedding before getting dragged to the bridal shower.” Pausing, she stifles another yawn. “Then Temari came over and I told her everything.” Her voice softens. “It’s getting easier sharing what Sasuke and the fox did, but it still hurts. So afterward we talked it over before I tried taking a nap until you stopped by.” Looking back up at him, she adds, “The party confirmed my suspicion it was more about everyone else enjoying themselves than about me having fun. Otherwise, they would’ve let me go home after the stripper.”
He leans in to kiss her.
“It was the same for me,” he agrees when he straightens up. “That’s why nearly half our comrades nearly had an aneurysm when I said I’d prefer not to have one at all.”
“I wish I could’ve skipped the party,” Naruto grumbles.
Squeezing her shoulders he points out, “We’re going home now.”
They both fall into laughing over the specific details they share of their parties even as they reach his front door.
“It sounds like the stripper’s routine was actually pretty,” Naruto admits as they step inside. “I would’ve liked to have seen that.”
Ibiki nods as he removes his shoes and leaves them by the door next to hers.
“I was surprised because usually the stripper hired is popping out of a cake or simply does a bump and grind routine before popping out of her lingerie.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” she rolls her eyes as she moves over to the sofa. “I thought I was getting that when mine came along. I’m glad he wasn’t and it was so worth it to see that long yellow balloon representing his kickstand bonk Yoshino on the head.”
Both laugh as Ibiki sits next to her, pulling her into a hug.
“That black haired girl was really professional despite her partner being an idiot,” she comments.
“It didn’t matter if the partner was an idiot,” he shrugs. “She wasn’t as graceful or talented. The other one pretty much made the routine.”
“At least you enjoyed it.”
Eyeing her, he states, “I’ve never been big on strangers stripping for me, so I certainly could’ve survived if Jiraiya hadn’t hired one at all.”
“Maybe you’d enjoy your own private lap dance if the girl wasn’t a stranger?” she asks, quirking a brow.
Looking thoughtful, he muses, “Maybe, but would Ino want to do that for me?”
He laughs when she growls in irritation and lightly socks him in the stomach.
Straightening up, she swings a leg over his lap and straddles him. Cupping his face, she leans in close with a wicked glint in her eyes.
“I’m just going to have to make it memorable for you, won’t I?” her soft, husky voice challenges.
Declining to answer, Ibiki closes the gap to engage her in a long, deep kiss. She slides her arms around his neck and shoulders while he wraps his arm around her body, bringing them close together. After several minutes they break for air.
Studying her face, Ibiki says, “As much as I’d like to see what you have in mind, you’re bordering on exhausted.” When she opens her mouth to protest, he presses his fingertips to her lips. “You mentioned you were tired, but I can see it in your face.” He leans in to give her a tender kiss. “We’ve got plenty of time for you to show me how much better you are than those strippers.”
Naruto reluctantly nods before getting up and heading to the bedroom with him to prepare for bed.
A/N: We’re not done with the parties yet. Can’t forget the aftermath, so I’ll do my best to get that out soon so you all can see what happens.
Hope you guys enjoy and thank you all for reading.
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Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell