Hatsu | By : dragonslover1 Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1420 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto in any way, shape or form.
Hatsu
Chapter Nine
Something must be wrong with her. The entire night had gone awry, out of her control and understanding, and she couldn’t see any way to catch it again. From the moment she’d walked through the front door, the only thing that had been her decision, under her control, was in cooking dinner -- perhaps the very reason why she’d done it.
As she lay in bed now, back facing the door, she kept two fingers pressed to her lips. Gaara had kissed her. Not a passion-filled, furious kind of kiss, either; those kind she knew how to deal with by now. But a sweet and tender kiss, chaste and undemanding? She was lost.
And he said he’d done it because he liked her smile? It sounded so corny. Yet as she thought it over, she realized that she had never really smiled around him. It was a disturbing thought, at that. How could it possibly be that she couldn’t smile for the man she loved?
She sighed, pulling the blanket higher over her shoulder. Nothing seemed to make any sense right then. Maybe, just maybe, it would be clearer in the morning. But even as she thought it, she knew it wouldn’t be. Not as long as she kept thinking about that kiss, so different from all the others they’d shared.
Sweet pleasure? Tender love? Honeyed care? How would she describe it, if she truly had to? Nothing seemed to fit just perfect. Bah, why was she even thinking about it? She should sleep. Tomorrow, her team had to go out and find the cause of the increased animal attacks. It was on the agenda, as good as done. She had to focus. . .
But his eyes. When he looked at her, after that kiss, there had been something in his gaze that wasn’t there before -- or she hadn’t let herself see before. Whatever it was, it made her heart skip a beat in remembrance. She was starting to believe, against her moral compass, against her logic, against everything she knew about him, that he was in love with her. . .that he loved her.
She had to laugh at herself. She was being whimsical. Again. After all, what was that -- against everything she knew about him? Just what did she know about him? Not much. He was a strong leader for Sunagakure, a clever and intelligent Kazekage, powerful and skilled to boot. He liked movies that had happy endings, his favorite food was salted tongue (a shudder there as she remembered), he has yet to regain a normal sleeping schedule, and he was something of a workaholic. Not to mention he was damn good at kissing -- and only ever slept with a woman once.
She narrowed her eyes, thinking that perhaps she was just another conquest. Well, he was going to have to try a lot harder, she vowed. The sweet kiss threw her off balance, but he wouldn’t be able to do it again. Or not often, she amended; her past proved that she was weak to him. It just might take a few more of those kisses to build up an immunity to them.
With a groan, she buried her face into the pillow. She hoped the Gods weren’t listening to her right then. She sounded ridiculous. Build up an immunity -- to his kisses? Like it was some kind of virus or illness?
Tonight just wasn’t a good night, she decided. She kept going back on everything she thought. Might as well just sleep, she told herself. You’re getting nowhere like this.
The gift of sleep came quick. But her dreams were no reprieve. She kept seeing the same scene, over and over, in different settings. Late at night, at sunset or sunrise, in this house or her old bedroom or the Kage’s tower. She would be there with Gaara, always just the two of them. And she would always beg him to kiss her, with her eyes or with words.
He would grant her wish. Tender, slow kisses; furious, passionate kisses; desperate, longing kisses. In her dreams, she desired him to an extent she would never let herself feel in the waking world. And she realized, even as she dreamed, that it was what she wanted. She wanted his kisses, wanted his love -- wanted to love him just as he needed to be loved. She wanted to give in.
The dream escaladed. Though she wasn’t aware of many things, she was aware of tiny, significant things. She was pinned against a wall; she could feel it clearly. Their fingers were intertwined, held above her head, their grips tight, desperate. His hot breath on her face as he breathed hard, the thudding of her own racing heart, the burning depths of his eyes as he stared at her; it was as though she were in hell, trapped with the very nightmare she loved. In her dream, she was burning in hell.
He loved her, against that wall, on a bed, it didn’t matter; the scene kept changing on her. And she kept crying out how she loved him, phrasing it a multitude of ways as she drowned in flames of pleasure. His mouth and hands seemed to be everywhere then, touching and teasing and making her go insane, even in the dream world. That elusive mouth was kissing her all over, from lips to neck to chest to arms to thighs. Just as she began thinking that the pleasure was too much, that hot breath came back to her ear, taking the form of a word.
One word -- that woke her with a jerk.
“Aishiteru.”
She was sitting up now, the dream so fresh in her mind that she could almost believe it had really happened. Needing confirmation, she glanced around. It was daylight. She was on a bedroll. This was Gaara’s spare room.
Her body was hot, sweaty, her heart racing, her hands shaking. She stared at her own hands, willing them to stop quivering. It was just a dream, and she told herself as much. Just a dream.
The hottest goddamn dream I’ve ever had, her mind amended. But still just a dream.
When she made to get up, she could feel her body’s natural reaction to that dream. She bit her lip. Her lower half was throbbing with her quickened heart, moist and ready. She swallowed thickly, hugged herself. She thought over her options, crossing them out as she went.
There was no way she were going to leave here, just to seek out Gaara and fulfill her body’s needs. After all, he might have said -- that word -- in her dream, but that was only a dream. She couldn’t take the word of a figment brought to life through her own wishful thinking.
And sure, she could just take a shower and prepare for the day, ignoring that throbbing. But what would that accomplish, if not several hours of frustrated longing? No, the smartest solution was to finish what her dreams had started. She knew how to, had done so on occasion. She just didn’t find much use of it.
Until now. With her body still quivering, not to mention reacting to the prospect of ecstasy, it seemed damn useful. And she wasn’t thinking straight, anyway. The sensations of the dream kept coming back to her, fading with each remembrance but still going strong. She realized with a start that she’d unconsciously begun rubbing her core with one hand.
Shaking her head, she threw off the blanket. It was far too hot in here; the cool rush of air was welcome.
That thought gave her pause. Hot in here? Her dream had stressed that heat repeatedly. She wouldn’t doubt that the heat of the room had influenced the dream, but it got her thinking -- thinking that she didn’t know how much of the dream had come from influence, how much from desire.
She found herself staring at the door, disbelief coursing through her. Certainly he wasn’t that kind of guy, was he? It was silly to even think it, but there it was: had he been in here? Did he kiss her, touch her? Did he say the word?
Indecision plagued her. The problem was that through the questions, one fact remained -- the fact that her body hadn’t ceased throbbing. If anything, the unwanted thoughts of being pawed at in her sleep excited her further. She knew he wouldn’t, because she wasn’t his in all ways; she knew he had honor, was honorable. But. . .
But her thighs were quivering. There was no way around it, then. Brushing damp hair back from her forehead and neck, she made to shower. She would finish what her dream started -- in the shower. As silently as possible.
And the orgasm was more than she expected.
It was the first thing she did when she got in the shower, besides turning on the water. She just wanted to get it “out of the way,” in a sense. She had no idea it would feel so splendid.
She was laying in the tub now, water raining down on her chest and stomach. She was stunned. After all, she had masturbated before -- quietly, almost ashamed of the fact -- and she’d reached ecstasy before. But not like this, so intense, close to blindingly so. Everything about it seemed different, somehow.
Okay, yes. She could admit it. Every time she had ever touched herself, it had been accompanied by thoughts, visions, of Gaara. The difference was that now, here, she knew what sensations he could truly arouse in her.
The comparison shocked her, before and after. She wanted more of what her body had just been granted. But more than that, she wanted to know, without a doubt, what it felt like to really be with him. To be in his bed, in his arms, to have him inside her, to see what pleasure would come of it. If just now was any indication, she would never be able to live without it, once having known it.
And she realized again what power he had over her, whether he knew it or not. She knew that she protested, but she also knew that if her ignored her pleas, she wouldn’t have minded. Not immediately, anyway. If he swept on without regard of her words, she would enjoy every last second with him -- would allow herself to.
And she was beginning to think that even one night with him would give her enough pleasure to last the rest of her life. Just remembering a dream with him was enough to make her wetter than she’d ever been in the past.
An hour later she was standing, as she had on many occasions before, side by side with her team, Gaara outlining the mission across from them. She wondered how she could look at him now, without shame, innocent, as though what she did in the shower hadn’t been all about him. It was a pleasurable little secret, exciting in its own way. Perhaps the next time she decided to touch herself while thinking of him, she’d do it while he was home.
She couldn’t help the shiver that went through her, though she wrote it off as a cold gust just touched her.
The next several hours went spent tracking animals in the desert, the team in contact through communicators. Other than about the mission itself, no one was speaking. In they end, they concluded the hows and whys of the recent animal attacks. It really was due to thirst; the beasts, not having much to drink, were fighting with each other, venturing further in their searches. They simply saw the humans as more competitors for the remaining water.
Now that Suzaki’s rain had created small streams and ponds, they were much more calm. Things had settled down. And, with luck, it would remain so. They returned to Kazekage’s tower to inform him of the success. He told them, in as many words, that he would keep up the nightly patrols as it was for another few weeks, regardless. He didn’t trust nature to stay docile, for it was nature’s nature to change.
He dismissed them with his thanks. Suzaki tossed a glance at him as she turned away, biting her bottom lip and grinning. That dream (and the shower after) definitely had an effect on her. Granted, it was an effect she couldn’t name. But there it was, nonetheless.
She caught Airou’s eye as they left, looking away with a smile. She knew he’d be frowning. She didn’t care. Airou’s affections for her had always been unwanted, unappreciated. He would give up soon enough.
It wasn’t until she saw Minami’s jealous look that it hit her just how precarious her situation was. Airou was jealous of Gaara; Minami was jealous of Suzaki. She was stuck in a bad place with her teammates. But what could she do about it? She loved Gaara, was living with him, despite their near-constant battle of passion versus resistance.
Indeed, even with those problems included, she could say she’d never been more happy, more content with her life. She could talk with the man she loved just like she’d always wanted to. She could call him by his name, could see him outside of his job. She knew the taste and feel of his lips, the sound of his voice when desire took over, the feel of his hands on her waist. She knew him in ways very few women did.
And she hoped she knew him in ways even they didn’t. After all, she knew his favorite food, what kinds of movies he liked, and recently, what his goal is as Kazekage. “Acceptance,” he’d said last night as they talked. “I want everyone to accept everyone else. I want to show them that there are no monsters. Every person is as trustworthy as all the rest, if given the chance.”
And she’d replied, “Like you are, now.”
He’d shaken his head. “Not everyone trusts me. Very few do.” He’d smiled the barest of smiles. “I’m working on changing that.”
The words passed through her mind, I want to help you. They did so again, now, as she remembered. Oh yes, he had a wonderful goal; she wanted to share it, to help him. She wanted to have that same expression he did as he’d spoken of it: self-satisfaction. He was influencing the entire village in tolerating one another. In her opinion, he deserved that contentment.
Now, as she went through the routine motions of training with her team, a new thought came to mind, one that had never graced her before.
She wanted to be the one who rewarded him. She wanted to be the one he came back home to at the end of the night, the one who would kiss away his worries, massage away all tension. She wanted to be the one to make love to him until smiles were a common occurrence for him. She wanted to make sure he slept soundly at night, far from any personal demons he might have. She wanted to be the only one on his mind whenever he was at home, occupying all of his free time. She wanted to help him solve his problems, erase his fears, and instead, employ his fantasies. She wanted to make him happy.
Wasn’t it possible, even in the slightest bit, to do so without being positive of his love for her? Couldn’t she make him happy without being the one he loved most?
But it would be so, so much better if he did love her.
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