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Trapped	By : havenoclue Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1277 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Chapter 9

A/N: Thank you so much for my beta, Puddles Isher.

Sasuke felt a piece of thin metal thread swiftly tie his upper body onto a large tree behind him before he sensed the presence of his former teacher, Hatake Kakashi, who was innocently standing in front of him. Ironic really that he chose word 'innocent' to describe a man who never leaves home without porn in his hand.

"Yo!"

Sasuke just snorted and mocked, "You do realize that I can easily extricate myself from this bind, right… Sensei?"

"Oh, I know that, Sasuke-kun… I just did it for old time's sake."

The Uchiha can imagine the grin behind the mask as clearly as he saw the glint of amusement in Kakashi's grey eye. Somehow, familiarity with his ex-sensei's antics calmed him. For a second there he felt like a 13-year-old again, back to the days before he made the biggest mistake of his life, before it was too late. So, he just let himself be tied down for the hell of it.

"You're allowed to free yourself, you know."

"I think, I'll just stay like this…," said the black haired Chuunin as he let out his patent smirk, "… for old time's sake."

This time, it was Kakashi who snorted.

"After almost two years, Sensei, you feel now it's the right time for you to say 'I told you so'?" asked Sasuke acidly.

"Oh no, not at all," answered Kakashi as he lifted his head to see straight into his former student eyes, "I think you're punished enough."

"Hah! Funny I never think that myself," countered Sasuke.

"Oh…why's that?"

"It's none of your business."

Kakashi closed the Icha-Icha Paradise Vol. 3 in his hand and put the book in one of his Jounin vest's pocket before walked closer toward the Chuunin.

"Everybody makes mistakes, Sasuke-kun."

"Oh God, not that cliché line again," Sasuke cut in as he rolled his eyes.

"It might be cliché, but doesn't mean it's not true."

"I take it that lover of yours has told you everything about the mission."

"Yes."

"He has no right," hissed the raven haired furiously.

"Maybe, but he knows how much I care for three of you. You guys after all, are my first and maybe last students."

The words did not make his former pupil more uncomfortable, on the contrary made him look even worse and it broke Kakashi's heart.

I need to do something…

"Have you ever wondered what causes me to always come late at our training?"

The topic that has abruptly changed surprising Sasuke, but he did not show it and just go with the flow.

"No. Should I?"

The grey haired Jounin ignored Sasuke's question and continued with his story. "When I'm not on mission, I spend 3 hours every morning in front of Uchiha Obito's gravestone."

"Why?"

"Because he was my former teammate and because… I killed him."

"What!" yelled Sasuke unbelievingly.

"Maybe it's not my own hands that killed him, but that was my mistake and my vanity that caused his death."

The Uchiha silently transfixed while his sensei kept on telling his tale.

"A ninja who does not put the mission above all else is dirt, but a ninja who does not care about his own teammates is even lower than dirt." recited Kakashi before asking, "You remember that?"

"Hn."

"It was my father's words," said the Jounin, "He held onto those words, even when he had to pay with his life."

Sasuke raised both his eyebrows questioningly.

"My father chose his teammates' life over the mission and they all condemned him because of it. Afterward, to save the Hatake name he took his own life."

Kakashi took a deep breath before continuing his story, "I was a wreck at that time. I hate my father, and as far as I'm concern he was a disgrace. I swore to myself that I'm going to be the best ninja there is. Nothing else for me but the mission… and Obito… God, he was everything that I resent. He was never on time, or concerned about our other teammate, Rin, and his inactive Sharingan eyes more than everything else. He wore those ridiculous goggle everywhere. 'To protect my precious eyes,' he said… and it gets on my nerves even to this day! I never got along with him, it's the same as you and Naruto while you two were still genin."

For a moment Kakashi could have sworn he saw a sad smile on Sasuke's lips, but he was not so sure about it because the good-looking face in front of him still was impassive as ever.

"It was a war time and I just got promoted to become a Jounin. Our team had a very important mission and as usual Obito comes late. I was furious with him. It was my first mission as CO, and I want everything to be perfect. So we had a fight but luckily Namikaze sensei was there and I refrained myself."

Again, the last Hatake took a deep breath; this particular experience was so painful to tell.

"The mission went wrong. We walked into the enemy's trap and Rin captured. I wanted to leave Rin and get on with the mission, while Obito want to save Rin. We had our second fight that day and I'll never forget the words that he yelled at me before we went to our separated way. 'A ninja who does not put the mission above all else is dirt, but a ninja who does not care about his own teammates is even lower than dirt!' It was my father all over again."

"I-" Kakashi sighed, his voice slightly trembled, "-it took me full10 minutes before I changed my mind and decided to join Obito and save Rin. I was too late. Rin was saved but not Obito. He sacrificed his life for her and… even gave me his Sharingan eye. A gift, he said, for my promotion."

The grey haired Jounin couldn't stop talking. He wasn't even aware of Sasuke's reaction to hearing his story.

"At that time Sasuke-kun, I knew how it felt to be lower that dirt, to be worthless, and finally I understood why my father did what he did… how honorable that man really was. I was wrong. I was just an arrogant 13-year-old prick who tried to be an adult and failed terribly."

Sasuke gasped. Never in a million year would he think that his borderline crazy sensei in front of him that always looks so laid-back and sloppy had a very big burden in his life.

How did he do that? How did he-

"H-have you forgiven yourself?" asked Sasuke agonizingly.

"I'm trying."

"What about the guilt? How-"

"You think I would spend time in front of his grave everyday if I was already freed from my guilt?" cut Kakashi.

The Uchiha prodigy shook his head.

"But life goes on, Sasuke-kun," said the copy ninja. "I could try to forgive myself and trying to free myself from guilt all my life and I would, no mistake there,but I'm also going to allow myself to live."

Sasuke caught his breath and stared very deeply into his ex-teacher single eye.

"I spent another four years fucking up my own life until Genma came along. Trust me, nothing good came from self-pity, moreover self-abuse. You think you did a favor to people around you when you drove them away, but you didn't."

Kakashi walked even closer, until he could touch his former pupils shoulder, "Think about what I just said, Sasuke-kun and please… live."

xxxxxx

Naruto grabbed the closest bottle of sake and took a gulp or two before he dared himself to ask this particular question to his three best friends, "Y-you think the rumor true?"

"Which one?" asked Inuzuka Kiba, "I swear our little village is so full of rumors… unless you're talking about me and Shino?"

The blonde lifted his head to see the biggest grin he had ever seen. "Oh, what about you two?"

"I can't believe you missed the best gossip in town!" cried Kiba, his grin getting incredibly bigger and bigger.

"Gossip?" asked Nara Shikamaru impassively. "He slept with Aburame Shino."

"Hey, pineapple head! I want to tell him myself!" yelled the Inuzuka so loudly they were glared by other people in the barbeque place.

"So troublesome…"

"Good for you, Kiba. So happy for you," said the blue eyed Jounin, "But, that was not the rumor I'm talking about."

"We got that, buddy. So tell us what rumor that has been bothering you all night," said Akimichi Choji, who finally stopped eating for a while to join the conversation.

"What do you mean, Choji? It's not really bothering meee… it's… well… uhm… about… uhm…"

"Sasuke?" asked the Nara boy calmly.

Naruto nodded his head and kept his eyes down.

"For God sake, Naruto, why do you keep thinking about that bastard!" screamed Kiba. "That's it; I'm going to send a letter to Gaara now!"

Kiba's scream startled the orange-clad ninja, but still he refused to lift his head.

"Kiba…" called Shikamaru.

"Yes?"

"Shut up!" shouted the 200 IQ man, "Now, Naruto… just ignore the dog-breath. Now what rumor exactly?"

"They said in mission room, Sasuke's form during a mission was not as good as it used to be…" answered Naruto, finally raised his head, "He kept loosing his focus and… I'm worried… It's not like him at all!"

"Naruto, you know I love you, right buddy? But sometimes I just want to crack that pretty head of yours open!" began the spiky haired Jounin, "For once in your life can you stop thinking about that Uchiha bastard and get on with your life?"

"I wish I could, Kiba!"

"And if you guys really want to talk about rumors, let's talk about one that really matters!"

"Not about you and Shino again, pleaseeee…" moaned Choji out of the blue and shocked everybody in the table.

One good thing about the scene though, it brought smile to the blonde Jounin's lips.

"Ahhh… it's good to see you smile… and dear Choji… it's not about my sex life, so don't worry and keep eating 'kay…" retorted Kiba cheekily, "Is it true Naruto, that you had lost your taste for ramen?"

Choji choked on his meat and even the lazy-boy Shikamaru bothered to stand from his chair to approach his best friend, "Is that true?"

"Not true! I still ate ramen yesterday. Just asked Oji-san and he'll tell you the truth!" snapped the blue eyes.

"Shikamaru, remember at Naruto's birthday you were treat him ramen at Ichiraku?"

"Of course, he drained me to my last penny. What about it?"

"Yeah, 10 bowls of special ramen. How many did you eat yesterday, Naruto?"

"O-one."

Again, Choji choked.

"I rest my case."

xxxxxx

Sasuke thought hard, scratch that… he thought really really hard about what Kakashi had said to him. He couldn't deny that some of his sensei's words had upset him very deeply. But he had learned the hard way that sometimes the truth hurts.

I know how it feels to be lower that dirt, to be worthless…

Sasuke sneered at himself for that was exactly how he felts about himself for the last two years, ever since his village bestowed him forgiveness. The shame… God! The shame… sometimes thought that he couldn't bear it.

I was just an arrogant 13-year-old prick who tried to be an adult and failed terribly.

They both had made their biggest mistake at the same age… A mere child… but could it made a difference? Could it really reduce the crime that had been done? It was sad to say that Sasuke and Kakashi were alike… in some way.

You think I would spend time in front of his grave everyday if I was already freed from my guilt?

No… he never dared to dream that he will be able to forgive himself or to be freed from this guilt… but he could try, right? Even Sensei…

I could try to forgive myself and trying to free myself from guilt all my life and I would, no mistake there, but I'm also going to allow myself to live.

Allow myself to live… could he really? Did he really deserve it?

Trust me, nothing good can come from self-pity, moreover self-abuse. You think you did a favor to people around you when you drove them away?

Naruto! Could he? 'Oh God… Usuratonkachi, I'm so fucked up… could I really be good enough for you? But I can always try to be better for you… right?' Sasuke thought in his mind.

Think about what I just said, Sasuke-kun and please… live…

I need to find him!

xxxxxx

"You can't go on like this, Naruto. It's killing you," said Choji softly.

"I know."

"What do you really want? Have you asked yourself that?" asked Shikamaru carefully.

"Him," answered the blond firmly. "I want him but he won't have me! And I'm. A. Wreck!"

"Good God! You're not going to cry for him, are you?" asked Kiba with his extremely 'good' timing. Choji and Shikamaru both had given him their death glare but it was Naruto's reaction that finally stopped the spiky haired Jounin to have another go.

"It's none of your fucking business, Kiba! And if I want I could spend a year to crying for him, you hear me? A YEAR! AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN OF WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!"

"N-naruto… buddy… I'm sorry… but I… I just want to help you…"

"Not this way, Kiba. Not like this."

The Inuzuka nodded and keeps his silence.

"Naruto, you know I never liked that Uchiha, but if you want him then don't give up."

"Thanks, Shikamaru, but really… there's nothing left to say between us."

"Are you sure? I can help, we can help… Right, Kiba?"

Again, the Inuzuka nodded.

"I've been thinking, and I know there's only one option left for me… I'm just too stubborn to admit it. But I realized that I can't keep forcing myself on him," explained Naruto bitterly, "I mean… I have my pride too, right?"

"That's what I meant all along, Naruto! Well, in my harsh and slightly annoying style!"

"Slightly?"

"Well… very! Whatever…" retorted the hunting-ninja.

The four best friends except Kiba, laughed so hard till tears filled their eyes.

"I'm going to ask permission to leave the village from Tsunade Baachan as soon as possible. God knows I need a vacation, at least for a week."

"Yeah, you do that. Go to Sand, and Gaara will entertain you."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes and shook his head, "He just never gives up!"

"Where are you going?" asked Choji.

"Going to a place where I can end all this."

"Huh?" asked Kiba and Choji at the same time, but Shikamaru seemed to get Naruto's meaning and gave him a little nod.

"I wish you luck."

"Thank you, Shikamaru. I will end this in the place where all this started," answer Naruto firmly, "I need a closure."

TBC

A/N: I hope I do a better job with this chapter than the last chapter.
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