Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Chapter 8: Shoot to Thrill

"Oh shit, 'ttebayo," groaned Naruto, pulling open the cupboard. "We're fucked."

"Language, 'ttebane!" snapped Kushina. "I know we're running out of food!"

"Belly… shriveling… up… from… hunger…" Kiba gasped dramatically, clutching his stomach and rolling over. This action put him in Sayuri's lap, and she gave him a disgusted look when he unabashedly tried to look up her night shirt and pushed him off.

"You're a pig," she snapped.

"Damn right I'm a pig," said the brunet, grinning pervertedly.

"Language, 'ttebane!" said Kushina, throwing a ceramic teacup at Kiba's head. The brunet ducked, and it hit Kyuubi, who was just coming into the kitchen. The redhead howled in pain, clutching his nose. Sasuke, who was behind him, edged past and took a seat at the table while Kyuubi tried to keep himself from yelling out all sorts of cusswords that might get more things thrown at him.

"So is it time for a shopping trip?" he asked quietly. He didn't like the idea, especially after what had happened the last time they'd left the house. He didn't want anyone else he knew or loved to die in front of him, much less to have to put them down when they reanimated. However, it was either risk another death by zombie or slowly starve to death, and in Sasuke's opinion, starving to death was the worst way a living being could possibly die.

"Yep," said Naruko, "it's time for a shopping trip."

The raven-haired teenager sighed.

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"All right, do you know the basics of a proper gun stance?" Kyuubi asked Sasuke, who just shook his head.

"I don't know much about guns period."

"All righty then. Naruto, get over here and help me teach your boyfriend how to hold a proper firing stance."

The blond's voice floated to them out of the shed.

"Why, 'ttebayo? You're better at teaching than I am. I dunno how to explain what you need to do well. You've seen what happens when I try to teach people how to do shit that involves a weapon of some kind or another."

"What happens?" Sasuke asked Kyuubi in an undertone.

"Most times either weird shit, or just plain bad shit," said Kyuubi before addressing his next words to his younger brother. "Because I don't want him coming on to me when I stand behind him to correct his stance. OUCH!" he interjected as a small handgun, thankfully unloaded, flew through the shed door and hit him in the face. Sasuke laughed, and inside the shed Naruto smiled at the sweet sound.

"Don't be a dick, Kyuu-nii," he snickered.

"I think your aim was off, dobe," the raven said.

"Why?" asked Naruto, coming out of the shed with a frightening amount of ammo and a bunch of different guns. "I was aiming for his face. Although," he added thoughtfully, "it would've hurt more if I'd hit him in the crotch, wouldn't it?"

"Indubitably," Sasuke acknowledged.

"You two together scare me even more than Gaara does alone, 'ttedana," groaned Kyuubi, trying to stem a nosebleed. "I'm going inside before I get hurt more."

"You dickweed," Naruto called after him, "you know I'm no good at explaining how to hold, fire, and reload a gun!"

"No need," said Sasuke, "I can learn by observation."

"Okay, 'ttebayo, then you need to bear with me, 'cause I suck at teaching anyone anything. So when you shoot a handgun, you generally need to hold it steadily in both hands, contrary to what they do in most movies. Unless you're really good with a handgun, in which case you can hold it with one or both hands, as long as you have enough arm strength to control the recoil."

Giving Sasuke an unloaded handgun, he took one himself to demonstrate. "You wrap one hand around the butt of the gun, like this," –he demonstrated by wrapping his right hand around the gun- "and then put your remaining hand over the one you just put down. Take the index finger of your top hand and stick it out, like this," –he pushed his finger forward so that it was almost straight out, touching the trigger but not pulling it- "and put your thumbs below this point" –he indicated a spot on the gun- "so that they don't get hurt when you fire."

"What's the proper stance?" asked the raven-haired teenager.

"We'll get to that when I see that you can actually hold a handgun properly, temee," said Naruto, smirking.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Whatever, dobe." Wrapping his left hand around the gun and putting his right hand over it, he brought his thumbs together, and then looked at the blond.

"Tuck your thumbs down so that they're not in the way when the barrel recoils," said Naruto. "You could end up breaking your thumbs. I should know; that was a mistake I made, and I couldn't write for a month after that."

"You would," smirked the raven.

"Shut up, Sasuke," said the blond, "or we don't have sex tonight."

"Ooh," retorted Sasuke, "look at you getting all tough." That earned him a light smack on the back of the head from Naruto, though the blond's grin told him that he didn't take it personally.

"All right, loading a handgun," said Naruto, grabbing a box of ammo. "Now this gun has an ammo clip, so you don't really need to worry about the time it takes reloading if you have other full ammo clips with you, unlike with a revolver. So how you load the clip is you take the round and push it into the clip like this," –he demonstrated- "until it's full. This little pistol can hold up to eight rounds. To load the gun, you push the ammo clip into the handle of the gun until you hear a click, which means that it's locked." He pushed his clip into the gun's handle by way of demonstration.

When Sasuke had loaded an ammo clip and put it in his own gun, Naruto put his gun down for a moment and went to stand behind the other teenager. The young raven had to restrain himself as his blond boyfriend's soft, warm breath fluttered over the back of his sensitive neck. Naruto's strong tan arms wrapped around him, just holding him there for a minute, and he leaned into the embrace. Then the blond reached to the gun and turned it slightly, not enough so that it pointed at either of them, but enough so that he could see the side of the gun and the safety switch.

"All right, d'you see the safety switch, 'ttebayo?" he asked softly. Sasuke nodded. "Right now it's locked, so even if you pulled the trigger nothing would happen. When you're not using the gun, make sure that you always have the safety on. Otherwise you might accidentally shoot someone or yourself."

"Have you ever seen anyone do that?" asked the raven.

"Yeah," Naruto snickered. "Kyuubi accidentally shot himself in the foot once."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and smirked in amusement. Naruto nodded, not needing the other boy to clarify what his expression meant.

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly. Anyway, so to turn off the safety, all you gotta do is flip the switch all the way to the other side. I say all the way because sometimes the switch stops in the middle and that's not what it's supposed to do. We've been meaning to fix that for a while, but we never got around to it. Now, if we had earplugs for everyone, they'd have them, believe me, but we weren't expecting this, so we only have enough for the five members of our family. Everyone's gonna get to wear the earplugs, but you won't always be able to wear them, so I should just warn you that the shot is pretty loud."

"Dually noted," said the raven-haired teen. "Are you going to show me the firing stance?"

"Are you always this impatient?" Naruto teased, picking up his gun. "Yeah. You might wanna stand on the other side of me though, because this is a left-handed gun, and where you're standing right now the ejected shell could possibly hit you when it comes out. All right. The first thing you do is bring your gun up and line up the sights, which is this little groove and the little bump in the middle of it." He pointed before gripping his gun properly. "Before you shoot, inhale deeply, and as you exhale, pull the trigger."

Lining up his sights on a target at the end of the yard, he took a deep breath, and pulled the trigger as he exhaled.

Naruto was right, it was loud. Sasuke winced and stuffed his fingers in his ears, despite the fact that they were already ringing. Still watching, he saw a hole appear in the target, almost dead center. He whistled.

"Wow…"

"What, didja think I wouldn't get it?" smirked Naruto, flipping on the safety and putting his gun down. "I've been at it longer than you have, meaning more practice and better aim. Let's see you try to match that, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke glared at the blond.

"You are way too cocky," he muttered. Stepping up to where Naruto was, he turned off the safety, aimed, breathed in, and fired as he exhaled.

Beside him, Naruto cursed vehemently. Sasuke grinned, because right there, in the center of the target, was a little bullet hole.

"Beginner's luck, 'ttebayo," he groaned. "Let's see you do it again."

"I doubt it will happen, but okay," said the raven. "I mean, what are the odds of that happening twice in a row?" He then proceeded to prove both himself and Naruto wrong as he shot the target dead center seven more times.

Now Naruto looked positively peeved. "I cannot believe that it took me five years to get just outside the center circle," he ranted, "and in approximately five minutes you're doing better than I am. It's unnatural!" He threw down his gun and stomped on it, cursing, while Sasuke looked on in amusement.

"Dude, what the hell is going on, 'ttedana!" said Kyuubi, running out to see what the yelling and cursing was about.

"Naruto's mad because I took five minutes to get better at shooting a gun than he has in five years," smirked the raven-haired teen.

Kyuubi whistled. "You're probably just a born natural," he said. "Naruto, stop being a sore loser."

Naruto stomped off, muttering something about unfairness and bastards and no sex tonight. Kyuubi grinned.

"He'll get over his soreness by tonight," he teased.

"No I won't!" yelled the blond before slamming the door.

"Or he won't and you either won't get laid for a week or your ass will be so sore you can't stand for a week."

Sasuke glared at Kyuubi in disgust.

"I'm leaving, you pervert," he muttered, following Naruto.

Kyuubi looked after them, grinning.

"Yep," he said to himself, "I bet it'll be the angry sex."

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That be-eth chapter 8, 'ttebayo! Yes it's incredibly short and for that I am sorry, and yes I stole Naruto's verbal tic and I don't give a flying fuck! Tell me what you think of it! And no, you cannot use this to actually learn how to shoot a gun, because I suck at explaining complicated shit.

Sasuke: -_- It's not that complicated.

Me: -_- Explaining it is… Showing it isn't.

Sasuke: -_- Because you suck at teaching people.

Me: :( That's not true! I taught my friends how to make paper cranes last year and most of them weren't confused at all!

Sasuke: -.- Great. Now, do you want a medal or a chest to pin it on?

Me: -_- I've got a chest. Now, do you still want your dick to stay attached to your body or a newly-made vagina?

Sasuke: 0.0 -backs away with his hands covering his crotch-

Me: That answers that question. 8D Review, people!