Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

What Do You See?	By : Snowway32 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2093 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters there in. No money is made from this

Chapter List
- 7
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- 9
I finished this chapter for you guys; Jiraiya makes an appearance yay. The Sannin came back only to find his student in tattered pieces. Oh dear; tears, tissues at the ready my dears. This one is going to hurt.
Oh and Carousel; the Water Kiss; I'm glad you liked it ne? I thought it was awesome too and I'm glad it is your favourite :D
Anyways Kakashi makes a small mistake that breaks poor Naru-chan so you're going to have to sit through some Unresolved Sexual Tension but Jiraiya will be there? I hope that's okay.
On with the chapter; please enjoy.
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Naruto awoke slowly to the sounds of the night; sleep hazed blue eyes observing his apartment. He turned on his stomach and whined; he didn't want to get up. His body felt tired and sore but somehow he felt better than before. Curling around his dolphin plushie; the smell was comforting to him. That's when his hazy memories started to filter back into his mind; a deep blush settling across his nose. Kakashi had kissed him...

Oh; God! Kakashi had kissed him! Kissed him! Dread curled in his stomach and he was confused; why would someone want to kiss him? It was then that he remembered it was only so that he could drink water since his body didn't want to move. Naruto deflated slightly; yes that was right. Nothing more, nothing less. After all he never deserved to be loved in the first place....

'Naruto.' His father's voice was threatening; warning him of his mind's turmoiled state and harsh words. Naruto knew Minato disagreed with his thoughts but he wasn't really alive to show him love was he now? Naruto shivered at his own harsh negative thoughts.

'Why would anyone want to show affection to the likes of me?' Naruto snorted before sighing sadly as he wrapped his arms around his waist to find some semblance of comfort. He shuddered as cold settled over him; his insecurities the only thing left in his reeling mind besides his protesting father who Naruto had shut out now completely. Naruto could feel the older Namikaze throwing himself against the barrier he had created but Naruto didn't relent. With heavy footsteps Naruto headed for the shower, heart filled with emotions that swirled in his mind constantly. Stopping when his eyes caught sight of a piece of paper on his night stand.

'I want you to find me the moment you wake up; regardless of the time, Naruto. We need to talk.' Naruto read the intricate kanji letters of Kakashi-sensei's written note; noticing for the first time the neat handwriting his sensei had. Running trembling fingers through golden locks; Naruto felt himself loosing a battle with his inner turmoil. It was eight thirty at night and Naruto sighed, knowing Kakashi was waiting for him he dressed quickly after a warm shower and threw a red scarf around his neck at the cold that settle over him. Closing his eyes, Naruto sought out the glimmer of his specialized kunai. A bright response to his chakra told him that he had found his teacher so with increased speed he made his planned detour first. Feet stopping on soft grass; blue eyes staring at the two graves before him sadly. Two new bunches of flowers laying there; the white flowers silver in the moon's rays.

'I'm sorry about earlier Dad, but sometimes even you can't stop the emotions of doubt I feel.' Naruto apologized as he knelt; tracing the name carved into the cold stone. His long scarf fluttered in the wind as he took a deep breath, wiping at the single tear that spilled onto his cheek. Sniffing slightly as his nose began to run with his suppressed emotions.

'I know Naruto; I know and it breaks my heart to see you like this and know I can do nothing.' Minato's voice was a soft echo in his mind and Naruto nodded sadly; eyes downturned as his fingers traced the name again. A small comfort for his battered soul.

"Forgive me father." Naruto said out loud before taking to Konoha's rooftops; never noticing two black eyes following his every move nor the distinctive long white hair that fluttered in the wind.

"Oh; Naruto." Naruto didn't hear the soft and immensely sad words that followed his departure.

~

Naruto was grateful for his long scarf as he moved over the roofs; reminding himself that he should thank Iruka-sensei for his birthday present again. He smiled as he thought of his academy teacher; the gentle man would always have a special place in his heart. Chuckling when he thought of him as the caring mother he had never had. Iruka would kill him if he knew that Naruto called him that.

The wind rushing by him was chilling as a blush settled over his cheeks from the cold. Blinking to keep the wind from irritating his eyes too much Naruto soon found himself standing in front of an apartment he did not recognize; yet the pulsing chakra behind the door told him it was Kakashi-sensei. Raising his hand to knock, Naruto hesitated for a second before taking a deep breath. He didn't have time to knock as the door was opened and Kakashi stood before him; his one visible eyes up turned in a smile and his hair looking just as messy as always.

"Ah; Naruto! I see you are feeling better, come in please." Kakashi said; his voice deceptively cheerful. Naruto nodded before following his teacher into his apartment. Blue eyes taking in every detail; he smiled softly. The apartment was just like Kakashi; very little extras and a large library that was formed of many books. Before he could speak he felt a hand on his lower back as Kakashi lead him towards the sitting room and onto one of the comfortable chairs.

"Would you like some tea Naruto?" Naruto looked up into Kakashi's one grey eye before nodding his head lightly.

"Yes please, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said softly thinking that his teacher didn't notice his reserved attitude. How wrong he was; Kakashi nodded and headed into the kitchen. He had seen Naruto's expression and it troubled him deeply to see the quiet suffering in those blue eyes; running a hand through silver hair he sighed. This may be harder than he thought but he would not give up; not on Naruto. Never on Naruto. Naruto was like Minato and Minato would have scolded Kakashi had he not helped his son. He just hoped he could keep his hands to himself as he knew now how those lips tasted and that body felt pressed against his. He shivered; it had felt so right. But the guilt he felt for doing it was crushing to him and he vowed to never do it again; not when he knew he would hurt Naruto.

Naruto's eyes noticed a picture on the coffee table in a simple silver frame. He stepped forward; blue eyes and blonde hair flashed at him with a haunting smile. His heart beating softly in his chest as he calmed immediately. It was his father; yet was he the only one that saw the pain flashing in those eyes or that fake smile? Has Minato suffered in his life as much as he had?

Without thought he reached out and pulled the picture towards him before resting it against his lap. He noticed a young Kakashi and two other students standing in front of his father he did not recognize but at that moment all that mattered was his father's features. Trembling fingers traced soft features; tears building steadily in his eyes before slipping over his whiskered cheeks.

"Why are you so sad; Tou-chan?" Naruto said in a broken voice; drops of moisture dripping onto the glass of the photo before his thumb wiped away at the tears that obscured the picture. It was the first time he had seen a photo of his father or a reminder that the man had actually been alive once. His fingers were shaking violently now as his pent up emotions spilled over.

"So much like me; too much like me. No one deserves a life such as mine; you should be happy; Tou-chan. Please you should be happy." Naruto said as he continued to stroke the glass as if it would make his father tangible and alive again.

"Why shouldn't you be happy too Naruto?" A deep voice asked and Naruto started violently; standing up so fast that the photograph fell from trembling fingers. The resounding crash of broken glass made Naruto's heart freeze. Without a second thought Naruto threw himself on his knees as; not even wincing when small glass pieces dug into his knees and slashed across his hands.

'Oh no! What have I done! Kakashi-sensei will hate me!' Naruto's mind screamed at him; panic lancing through his entire body as he frantically scrabbled to pick up the sharp shards of glass. Tears flowing freely now as he never stopped apologizing once; even when his breath turned to shallow pants and his heart ached painfully in his chest.

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When Kakashi had finally managed to get the tea finished he headed for his living room and frowned when he heard Naruto talk to himself. He shuddered as those words started making sense to him and he swore that he would do everything to erase such thoughts from Naruto's mind.

"So much like me; too much like me. No one deserves a life such as mine; you should be happy; Tou-chan. Please, you should be happy." He then realized that Naruto was talking to the photograph of his sensei; he could see those small shoulders shake in an effort to suppress sobs. He set the tea on back on the counter before stepping into the room.

"Why shouldn't you be happy too Naruto?" Kakashi asked his student only to flinch when he saw Naruto startle violently; a resounding crash echoing in his ears as the glass in the photo frame shattered upon impact to the ground. He stared dumbfounded and slightly concerned as Naruto fell to his knees and started scrabbling to pick up the broken glass; not even worrying if the glass cut him. Kakashi moved quickly as he saw blood start welling from a particular deep cut; completely stunned that his students didn't react. He just kept apologizing.

"Naruto!" Kakashi yelled as he tried to get the young chuunin's attention but it wasn't working; by the time he got to Naruto he was panting his breaths in a clear sign of panic and hyperventilation; Kakashi had to pry Naruto from the floor and into his arms. Naruto's form struggling heavily in his arms as he tried to break free; Kakashi could see wide blue eyes filled with tears as Naruto's panic never faded.

"Naruto, look at me!" Kakashi yelled as he laid Naruto on the couch; hands pinned in Kakashi's grip above his head as Kakashi's weight settled over his body. The sudden contact brought Naruto crashing back to reality; his tears never stopped leaking from guilt ridden eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-sensei. I didn't mean to; I...I." Blue eyes slid closed as Naruto turned his head away in shame. Kakashi on the other hand would have none of that; his free hand gently gripped Naruto's chin in his hand as he tilted Naruto's head back before brushing away the evidence of Naruto's tears.

"Hush Naruto; it's alright. I have many other photos and its only the glass; it can easily be replaced." Kakashi cooed softly; leaning forward to nuzzle his nose into Naruto's neck. He didn't know why he did it but he inhaled Naruto's scent; it was sweet and perfect just like the person it belonged to.

"Ka-Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto's bewildered voice drifted around Kakashi in a gentle caress and Kakashi exhaled slowly as he lifted his head; in his struggle with Naruto his Hitai-ate had pushed up and his mask was halfway down his face. Kakashi couldn't find it in him to care so instead he leaned forward; mask still in place as he kissed away the tears that still fell periodically from hurt and confused blue eyes. It took a while until Kakashi felt Naruto's breathing even out and a calm settle around them. That did not however stop the uncomfortable twist in his stomach.

~

"Kakashi-sensei? W-what?" Naruto stuttered lightly as he asked a while later. His heart beating in his chest for another reason and it had nothing to do with his distress. He calmed at the comforting noises Kakashi-sensei made; it was the first time someone had offered him comfort besides Iruka-sensei and Jiraiya-sensei. Something strange settled over as his eyes locked with mismatched red and grey; the concern he saw there was making his heart swell in his chest.

"Kakashi-sensei? Please kiss me?" Naruto asked softly as a blush settled over his nose; he didn't know where the sudden urge came from but he wanted to feel those soft lips brush against his again. Just to make sure that this was real; that Kakashi was really showing him something that he had been deprived of his entire life. Affection, love and trust. He was staring at Kakashi now as his fingers shyly removed the Hitai-ate; a thrill spreading through him as Kakashi didn't stop him. In fact as Naruto's fingers skimmed across a pale forehead Kakashi closed his eyes; leaning into Naruto's touch. Naruto pulled back his fingers as if scolded; was he doing something wrong? He began to doubt his emotions and felt his walls closing in on himself.

"Naruto," Naruto's breath hitched as he heard his name purred by Kakashi-sensei in a voice that reverberated through his chest. That single sound was new to his ears; he had never heard his name being uttered as if it was a prayer.

"Don't pull back; let yourself go Naruto. I trust you." Those words blew away any doubt left in Naruto's mind as he allowed himself to indulge in the small need that shimmered in his stomach. Gentle fingers moved across Kakashi's face; memorizing every detail. He wanted to see more and hoped that Kakashi-sensei didn't mind as he curled fingers around the black mask; pulling it down to expose a perfect face. Naruto sucked in a surprised breath as he looked upon his sensei's real face for the first time. His heart was beating loudly in his ears as his fingers explored new territory; the skin was smooth beneath his fingers and he was entranced by those pale lips. His thumb brushed against them softly and a spark of something went through him.

"Beautiful." The word drew Naruto back to himself as a blush spread across his nose; he didn't know why but that single word made something in his stomach tighten as his breath hitched. He blinked once, twice and thrice. When he focused his vision; Kakashi-sensei's face was mere millimetres from his own. Pale lips hovering over his as mismatched eyes bored into his own set of blue. Something akin to anticipation curled around his spine and Naruto arched into the chest above him; trying to bring their lips together. But strong hand held him down.

"Calm down Naruto. That's it just relax; just feel." That sinful voice whispered against his neck as his sensei once again buried his face in Naruto's neck. Naruto listened to the contented sounds Kakashi made and allowed a small moan to escape his lips; Kakashi never stopped talking in a gentle voice. Coaxing Naruto in a relaxed state as he allowed waves of calm to wash over him; Kakashi-sensei shifted against Naruto and Naruto shivered as he felt lips press against his neck before moving on to his chin and finally settled over his lips. The love he felt was suddenly so overwhelming that Naruto gasped and unwittingly opened himself for Kakashi's exploration. The gentle move of lips against his made Naruto tilt his head; nearly crying out when a tongue found its way into his mouth. His mind was getting hazy as Naruto's hands bunched the front of Kakashi's shirt between desperate fingers. He wanted more. He wanted to feel more, taste more, touch more but Naruto kept himself still; afraid that if he moved Kakashi would stop and pull away. Finally realizing who it was that he was kissing. Just as he thought that Kakashi pulled back; mismatched eyes wide regret and fear and guilt. Naruto felt his heart stutter as it broke into a million pieces. Those emotions; he should have known. A bitter chuckle rose to the surface; sometimes he wished that he could stop having faith in people all together.

That shimmer of regret was all he had to see; so with reserved strength he wiggled his way out of a lax grip and started towards the door. That was all the confirmation he needed so with a bowed head and a fake smile he turned dead blue eyes towards his sensei.

"I'm sorry Kakashi-sensei; I shouldn't have done that. I'll request a team transfer before the end of the week so that you can keep a better eye on Sasuke." Naruto said and didn't stop to hear Kakashi's response; he jumped out an open window and took to the roofs of Konoha. Trembling hands flashing through several seals as he activated his father's famous flying thunder god jutsu. If anyone was looking properly they would see only a flash of yellow as he moved towards his destination where he knew Kakashi would never find him. His newest emotional scar was still smarting and he clutched at his black shirt; hand easily reaching for his kunai pouch.
~
'I trust you.' Naruto snorted as he remembered those words. Some trust Kakashi had shown him; he laughed bitterly as he clutched at his kunai. Sitting in the Academy swing as he stared at the building in the dark; swaying softly back and forth as he remembered the last time he had sat there. The pain of rejection and failure smarting in his heart; it was exactly the same now. Carefully hiding his chakra he brought his kunai to his lips in a familiar ritual; tongue licking across the blade. Tasting blood to attest to the quality sharpness of the blade.

"It's a wonder I can still find hope; ne Tou-chan?" Naruto talked to himself as he folded back his sleeves; not hesitating as metal sunk into flesh. Dazed eyes watching as blood welled to the surface almost gleefully.

'The times between your cutting is becoming too recent Naru-chan.' Minato's voice was like cold water being thrown over his entire body before he laughed softly.

"You're right Tou-chan; but sometimes I don't know when to stop." Naruto admitted before staring at the kunai guiltily. Observing the eight deep cuts on his left wrists before bringing his kunai to his lips. He could barely remember making all of them; but now his heart was slowed and his emotions was once again back in control as a numbness settled over him. Licking away the bloody evidence from his kunai blade before placing it back into his kunai pouch. Dull blue eyes stared up at the stars above as he allowed himself the small luxury to just feel. Wind caressed his whiskered cheeks as Naruto swayed on the Academy swing; childish happiness briefly flashing in his eyes before fading back to a dull stare.

'What I wouldn't do to be able to show just how much your are loved Naruto...' His father's voice in his mind broke Naruto's enjoyment as regret flitted through him.

"I know Tou-chan but I forgave you for what you did; it's the fact that I can't forgive myself for what I did." Naruto said before slipping from his seated place on the swing. Looking up at the moon to notice its progress across the sky; it must have been close to midnight now. With calm emotion Naruto started walking towards the Hokage Mountain; intent on sitting on his father's head for the rest of the night. Only he didn't get very far as he bumped into a strong chest; tobacco, ink, old scrolls and autumn wind invaded his nose. Naruto's breath hitched painfully in his chest; he knew that scent in fact it was ingrained in his memory as the only person who was willing to be his most precious person.

"Jiraiya-sensei?!" Naruto cried as his fingers fisted in Jiraiya's white hair and tears finally built up in his eyes and the emotional calm he had just managed to bleed out cracked as emotions came flooding back. He felt rough hands settle in his hair as Jiraiya's deep voice filtered through his mind.

"Naruto; come. Let's go home." Jiraiya said; Naruto never noticed the soft drops that fell on his sunshine golden hair. If he did he would have realized that Jiraiya was crying softly and that the white haired Sannin had heard and seen everything.

Naruto nodded against a strong chest; not flinching when he was hoisted onto strong back. Just like Kakashi-sense a day before and carried into the night. Naruto allowed his exhaustion to wash over him as he breathed in Jiraiya-sensei's haunting and strong scent; drifting blissfully as he forgot his current emotional state for a few minutes.

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Jiraiya felt his heart break as he observed Naruto from a hiding spot not far from the Academy playground. He had been following Naruto since he had encountered him at Minato's grave at about eight o'clock at night. With the way Naruto moved; Jiraiya could see that something had happened but what it was he could not guess.

'Forgive me Father.' Those words made emotions prickle at the corner of his eyes; did Naruto blame himself for his father's sacrifice? When he had told Naruto he had hoped to let the boy know that he had been loved but now he flinched as he saw the sadness shimmering in those blue eyes.

He had followed Naruto back to Kakashi's apartment and making sure he had hidden himself well; observed the scene unfolding before his eyes. Anger flashed through him as he saw Naruto look at the photograph of his father with longing and sadness. Had Kakashi not shown Naruto at least one photograph of his dead father? It wasn't until he heard Naruto speak again that his heart stuttered.

'Why are you so sad; Tou-chan?' Jiraiya flinched when he heard those words; Naruto had been the only one to see the pain and suffering in Minato's eyes and in a photograph no less. Jiraiya was reminded about his failure to protect both father and son from the cruelty of the world...

'So much like me; too much like me. No one deserves a life such as mine; you should be happy; Tou-chan. Please, you should be happy.' Jiraiya chocked as he heard those words; turning eyes away in shame as he moved away from the open window. He could no longer bear to watch; those crystal, innocent tears were too much. Carefully he retracted himself from the open window and took off to a nearby rooftop; crouching there as he tried to regain his equilibrium. When he felt Naruto's chakra spike and the newly named chuunin hurry from his sensei's home he knew he had to follow. But he couldn't keep up so instead he relaxed and allowed his senses to follow Naruto's path and when he felt his chakra spike close to the Academy walls he made his way there hastily.

~

That was where he found himself now; watching blonde bangs obscure blue eyes that he knew were shimmering in tears. His hand clutched the fabric over his hiaori just over his heart as he bit his lip; forcing himself to silently watch. Jiraiya's eyes followed Naruto's movements as the blonde produced a kunai from his weapons pouch resting against his right thigh. The dark metal shimmered in the light of the moon; creating a clear path for Jiraiya to observe as the kunai was brought to petal pink lips. His breath left him in a rush as a pink tongue peaked out and run up the kunai in a loving lick.

"Fuck!" He hissed softly; such a dangerous movement and yet Jiraiya could not deny the eroticism that he saw there. He could deny the small spark of arousal that shot through his body as he watched. Clear blue eyes stared at the blade as if in a trance.

"It's a wonder I can still find hope; ne Tou-chan?" His attention was drawn back towards Naruto as he saw fingers roll up black sleeves and shuddered; he knew what was coming. After all he had watched as Minato did this ritual many times over. And Naruto's words they were slightly disconcerting to him but he pushed it aside as he merely watched. Naruto's movements were swift but they cut deep; he lost count before he blinked; Naruto had stilled and a slight bit of panic settled over blue eyes. He couldn't bare to watch as Naruto hurt himself but he could not deny that he was transfixed; those movements were so graceful that it reminded him of when he had watched Minato do it the first time. Damn; they really were alike in every single aspect.

"You're right Tou-chan; but sometimes I don't know when to stop." Jiraiya frowned when he heard those words; it was as if Naruto was speaking directly to his father. His curiosity was peaked and now he wanted to know what exactly had happened since he had left. The next words that left the blonde's mouth stunned Jiraiya that he nearly lost his purchase in one of the large trees; the leaves rustling loudly in his ears as he kept hearing those words echoing in his mind.

'I know Tou-chan but I forgave you for what you did; it's the fact that I can't forgive myself for what I did.' Jiraiya was startled from his turmoiled thoughts as Naruto covered his wrists and stepped off of the swing. His mind screaming at him to do something; so without second thought he jumped from his hiding place and landed in front of the blonde. He wanted to chuckle as Naruto bumped into his chest but instead he felt emotions curl in his stomach; the kid was hurting badly if he didn't notice his presence until bumping into him.

"Jiraiya-sensei?!" The surprised voice sent spikes of hurt up his spine; why did Naruto have to sound so much like Minato? Why did it hurt so much to see this child like this? Questions were running through his mind as he felt it getting out of control. He cleared his throat as a lump settled itself there.

"Naruto; come. Let's go home." There was no way Jiraiya was going to leave this child to his own devices again. His chest constricted painfully as he brought the smaller body against his in a gentle embrace; fingers carding through familiar blonde hair before a single tear fell against those beautiful locks. Yes; he was loosing control of his emotions but with an iron will he managed to reign them back as he hoisted Naruto onto his back; surprised that Naruto made no protest and took to the rooftops towards his home.

Naruto needed to get away from this village; something here was hurting him badly but he didn't know what. So with his final decision he promised himself he would not leave this vulnerable child again; not even for an S-rank mission. Naruto would be living with him from now on; he did not think that it was a good idea to leave him alone and he also needed to show Naruto that he was appreciated. They were going to have one hell of an emotional talk over the next three days but he was going to do it. Just like he had sit Minato down and forced the answers from him; it was ironic that he was about to do the same for his son as well.

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Reviews, rating and questions are all welcome.
Thanks for the read my dears and I'll see you again in a few days
SnowShadowPass
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