Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell	By : ChaCha92 Category: Naruto AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6100 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Don't own anything in the Naruto universe. Some dude in Japan does. Make no money on my stories either.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Thirteen weeks.
Not really a long span of time, but seems like a lifetime since her life irrevocably changed.
Not that she knew it at the time, but since the fox confirmed she got pregnant that first night she slept with Ibiki, Naruto figures she might as well consider that as the official death date of her old life.
Stepping through the front door, she takes a moment to look around Ibiki’s living room. The simply decorated apartment gives no real clue as to who lives there. However, it’s a private space very few ever had access to. Slipping off her light jacket and hanging it up she notes that had she not gotten pregnant she wouldn’t be privileged to access his home like this.
Sighing softly into the otherwise empty room, she walks over to the sofa to sit down. Pulling out a notebook, she flips it open and starts writing in it. She left the Nara homestead early before anyone could wake up and insist on escorting her during her errands. As much as she appreciates everyone’s efforts, she needed some breathing room from their smothering. She also didn’t think she needed anyone to accompany her to check on the flower shipment at Inoichi’s shop and a few other things coming in for the wedding at different vendors.
It takes just a couple of moments to jot down a few notes. It should make Yoshino happy to know that everything they’ve ordered will arrive in time for the wedding in two weeks.
A knock at the front door captures her attention. Frowning at who could be bothering her in the middle of the morning on a regular work day, Naruto flips her notebook closed and rises to her feet.
“Iruka? What are you doing here? Don’t you work today?” she asks in confusion after opening the door.
Stepping aside she allows the other woman in.
“Good, you’re dressed,” the brunette grins, ignoring her questions.
Reaching over to the coat rack, Iruka grabs Naruto’s jacket and shoves it into her hand. The redhead only has enough time to look down at it in confusion before she’s maneuvered out the door.
“C’mon, Naruto, we’re running late,” Iruka cheerfully states, dragging the confused younger woman behind her.
Stopping dead in the middle of the street, Naruto refuses to budge despite Iruka’s insistent tugging on her wrist.
“What’s going on, nee-chan?” she demands irritably. “Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about it. It’s a surprise. Just put on your coat and come along.”
Arching a brow, Naruto merely pulls her wrist free to cross her arms and glower at her big sister.
“I know you’re not a fan of surprises, but please just go along with this.” At Naruto’s intensifying glower, Iruka sighs heavily before conceding defeat. “All right, Shizune is throwing a surprise bridal shower for you.”
Taking advantage of Naruto’s shock, Iruka grabs her wrist and starts dragging her along again.
“Bridal shower?” the redhead finally manages through her shock. “Why the hell am I getting a bridal shower?”
She scowls when Iruka nudges her arm and gestures at her coat still clutched in her hand to put it on. The academy sensei chuckles while she irritably tugs on her coat as they continue walking together.
“The reason you’re getting a bridal shower is because you’re a soon to be bride.”
“Really?” Naruto breathes sarcastically. “I wouldn’t have guessed. And aren’t gifts given at a bridal shower too?”
“Usually,” Iruka quips.
“This is getting ridiculous,” she grouses. “I’ve already gotten a bunch of shit at the baby shower. Now I’m going to get even more at the bridal shower?”
“It’s okay, Naruto,” Iruka assures her. “Having the two parties isn’t too much. It covers the two roles you’ll be filling; one as a mother and the other as a new wife. You should have everything you need to start your new life with Ibiki and the baby.”
“How can you say it’s not too much when I have everything I need already?” Naruto argues as they enter the now familiar banquet room of the Tower.
As she slips off her coat and hands it to Iruka, Tsunade steps up and hugs her.
“Glad to see you didn’t give Iruka too much trouble,” she quips, releasing the annoyed redhead.
“Did I really have a choice?” Naruto asks irritably.
“Not really,” Tsunade smiles fondly. “You may think it’s too much, but it’s expected to bring gifts to both bridal and baby showers.” Her lips quirk into a grin as she adds, “Usually the baby shower occurs well after the wedding, so in your case an exception was made.”
“And I really wanted to give you a bridal shower, Naruto,” Shizune adds, taking her turn to hug her.
Naruto sighs in resignation.
“It’s not that I don’t appreciate it, Shizune nee-chan, it’s just you’re going through a lot of trouble for nothing.”
“Just shut up and enjoy your party, Red,” Temari scolds, stepping out from behind Tsunade, shocking Naruto.
“You’re such a brat,” Naruto grins, grabbing the blonde into a fierce hug. “When did you get in?”
“This morning. Surprised?” she grins as Naruto releases her.
“I’ll say,” Naruto snorts.
“C’mon,” Temari jerks her head in the direction of the other guests waiting to take their turn greeting Naruto. “You’ve got guests to greet, food to eat and presents to open.”
Seeing she is outnumbered, Naruto reluctantly nods. Almost everyone who attended the baby shower is there again, excepting a few who couldn’t make it the last time. Teuchi catered again partially because Shizune knows Naruto will never say ‘no’ to his food and he was available and willing at the last minute.
While they eat lunch some of the ladies begin sharing funny wedding day stories. Listening, Naruto mentally shakes her head. She understands the stress of trying to plan a wedding, but doesn’t get why some brides put the pressure on themselves to make everything perfect. Judging by the stories, it’s obvious they couldn’t plan for everything and should’ve just enjoyed the day regardless of what happened.
When it came time to open her presents, Naruto is surprised at some of the racier gifts she received, like lingerie nighties because there are guests like Koharu there. She thought Shizune would’ve warned against giving such items in public. However, the real surprise is one set actually came from Shizune and it doesn’t bother Koharu or anyone else in the slightest.
“I may be old, but I haven’t forgotten how things are supposed to work,” Koharu quipped prompting laughter.
“I’m surprised you’re holding the bridal shower the same day as the bachelorette party,” Naruto comments to Shizune when the laughter dies down.
“It wasn’t planned that way,” Shizune sighs. “However, everyone kept asking why there wasn’t going to be a bridal shower. Today just happened to be the best day to hold it.”
“Besides,” Tsume snickers. “It’s perfect for those not interested in going wild at the festivities later tonight.”
“That comment is directed at me, isn’t it?” Koharu gives the Inuzuka a lidded glare.
“You’re not seriously thinking of going are you?” Tsume arches a brow.
“No,” Koharu huffs indignantly. “I’ve had my fill of wild bachelorette parties to last a lifetime. It’s still impolite to assume I’m not going because I’m older than all of you.”
“Age has nothing to do with it,” Tsume snorts. “You’re not going because the last time you went to one you got plastered and hit on the stripper. Among other things,” she sneers derisively.
Koharu turns red as everyone laughs and begins sharing funny stories about bachelorette parties they’ve attended.
Naruto grows a little concerned when some of the tales are about drunken one-night stands with the stripper or with some stranger who walked into the same bar the party was being held at.
Seeing Naruto’s expression and correctly deducing her train of thought, Yoshino glares at Anko.
For a few moments Anko recoils in confused terror, wondering what she did to piss off the Nara clan matron this time until Yoshino pointedly looks at Naruto while the others continue sharing stories.
“Oh!” Anko declares a little too loudly at the sudden realization, attracting everyone’s attention. “Uh, um, yeah, Naruto,” she stumbles out, trying to think of a good reassurance. “Your party won’t get that wild. We already have a plan in place for those ladies who might overdo it with the booze.”
“Like you Anko?” Yugao quips, causing everyone to laugh while Anko glares through a rare blush.
“Shuddup, Yugao,” Anko mutters before refocusing on Naruto. “And you know Ibiki isn’t going to get wild at his party. The guys will try to get him drunk, but that ain’t happening. So don’t worry about it.”
Naruto nods in appreciation. She enjoys the rest of the party then heads over to Iruka and Kakashi’s apartment. She passes the rest of the afternoon leisurely hanging out with Temari and catching up as they sort the gifts.
“All right, Red, spill it,” the Suna blonde demands, draping herself across Naruto’s bed without invitation. “What happened to get you knocked up and married in such a short amount of time?”
Naruto sighs heavily and her expression becomes solemn. She knew she’d eventually have to explain everything to the Sand Sibs since they’re amongst her closest friends. It just isn’t something she’s eager to share.
“Good thing you’re comfortable ‘cause it’s a long story you’re not going to like certain parts of,” she begins, eliciting an arched brow from Temari.
Without pause she shares everything. This time isn’t nearly as emotionally draining as previous retellings. In passing she figures it’s probably due to having to recount what Sasuke and the Kyuubi did several times already. Plus, her sessions with Inoichi have helped a great deal in coming to terms with what happened. Although, it’s still hard sharing such painfully dark, closely hidden secrets with people she considers family.
When she finishes, Naruto watches Temari sit across from her in stunned silence before the blonde swiftly gives her a light cuff upside the head then yanks her into a fierce hug.
“You’re an idiot for not saying something sooner, Red,” she scolds softly into Naruto’s shoulder. “Gaara would’ve happily declared war on Konoha if they tried taking away the baby or punishing you for that prick Uchiha scum’s actions.”
“It was overwhelming at the time and Sasuke fucked with my head so much I had no clue what to do,” Naruto explains wearily. “He’s been gone ten years and still has a few supporters, so it wasn’t hard to believe him.”
Pulling back, Temari bores into deep, blue eyes.
“You need to give your friends a little more credit, y’know.”
“At the time I doubted everything,” she shrugs. “My friends, my beliefs and even myself. Then the fox forces a miscarriage and everything just went to hell.”
Temari growls, “It doesn’t help when that selfish bitch Haruno acts like you owe her the world instead of being supportive. She should accept that even the great, fabulous Uzumaki, oops,” she gasps, covering her mouth and feigning embarrassment. “I mean, Namikaze Naruto has her limits.”
Naruto glares and punches the sniggering blonde in the arm.
“Smart ass. And it’s not really selfishness, just that Sakura always was too focused in her worldviews.”
“Is that what you’re calling it?” Temari snorts. “Anyway, I’ve always been amazed at how Pinky has been able to survive as long as she has. Then again,” she shrugs dismissively. “It’s not that surprising considering the teammates she had because there’s no room in an active ninja’s life for such a narrow scope or they aren’t going be living that long.” Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, she adds, “Gaara should’ve turned Pinky into compost during that fight in the forest. We could’ve blamed it on Shukaku driven madness and it would’ve done everyone a favor.”
Chuckling Temari dodges Naruto’s fist as she protests, “Sakura was the main reason I fought so hard and won! She is a valued asset to Konoha.”
“Really?” Temari drawls. “Then name one thing she’s good for,” she challenges.
Tapping a finger against her chin in thought, Naruto spends a few moments thinking about it before deadpanning, “Give me a few minutes, I’m trying to think of something.”
Both women bust up laughing before Naruto regains her composure again.
“Sakura does have her moments. She saved Kankuro from Sasori’s poison, remember?”
“True,” Temari acquiesces. “But her behavior toward a teammate was extremely disgraceful and reflects poorly on Konoha. Especially when said teammate has always been protective and supportive of her.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Naruto sighs again wearily. “It’s all in the past. I just wish things would improve between us and we could be friends again.”
Temari shakes her head in disbelief.
“Times like this make me wonder how in the hell you ever managed to become a ninja being so damn forgiving.”
Naruto grins, quipping, “Loads of persistence.”
Temari grabs a pillow and lobs it at her.
“Shut up and get a nap. We’ll wake you before it’s time to get ready for the party. I’m going to go into the front room and read.”
Naruto rolls her eyes and stretches out on the bed before sighing heavily into the stillness. She wonders if it wouldn’t be so overwhelming if she had been able to keep her pregnancy quiet. Maybe if it had only been her and Ibiki who knew, she’d have a more leisurely pace to adjust to everything.
Then again, maybe not.
Even she admits it’s not her friends making her life hectic. As it is, asking Yoshino take charge of the wedding planning alleviated much of her stress. If anything, all her friends have gone out of their way to make things as easy as possible.
Shifting onto her side her gaze drifts out the window, noting the deepening shadows of dusk.
Reluctantly she admits an unplanned pregnancy and marriage was bound to upend her life in the most chaotic manner possible.
A hand drifts down and she smiles softly while gently rubbing her barely bulging stomach. As overwhelming as it was to learn she was pregnant, it never crossed her mind to abort the pregnancy, though it would’ve made things so much easier. Easy has never been a part of her vocabulary. Smirking in the darkening room she figures her life would be extremely boring if she had it easy.
Sitting back up on the bed she groans and her face drops into her hands as her current dilemma pops back into her head. The madness that’s the dreaded bachelor and bachelorette parties in a couple of hours.
Dropping her hands, she gazes back out the window and wonders if they’d search for her inside the heads of the Hokage Monument first.
“Forget whatever it is you’re thinking of doing, Naruto,” Iruka’s normally welcomed voice sternly intones from the doorway. “You promised to go if Anko didn’t go overboard.”
Glancing over her shoulder at Iruka leaning against the doorframe with her arms crossed, Naruto notices she’s already dressed. The older woman keeps it simple, wearing jeans and a form fitting charcoal gray top with a scoop neckline. Her trademark ponytail rested at her neck instead of tied up out of the way.
“Ino’s baby shower turned out better than you thought it would,” Iruka continues. “So did Shizune’s bridal shower. You need to give Anko a fair chance.”
“Okay, that’s true. And Ino wasn’t likely to hire strippers for the baby shower,” Naruto smirks, conceding Iruka’s point. “As for the bridal shower, Shizune was in charge of that one, so for a surprise party it turned out pretty good. But this is Anko we’re talking about. Yoshino put the fear of kami in her regarding the strippers, but that still doesn’t mean it’s not going to turn into a booze fest.”
“It’s not so much about it turning into a booze fest as it’s about you not being able to drink with the rest of us,” Temari states, slipping past Iruka and stepping over to sit on the bed next to Naruto. “Granted it’s not fair you can’t drink, but that still doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy the party. And it sounds like Anko went through a lot of trouble, so the least you can do is give it a chance,” she finishes while reaching over to poke Naruto in the side, causing her to squeak then slap her hand away in annoyance.
Naruto glares at her friend, duly noting she too is already dressed to go. Instead of her usual battle kimono, the blonde opts for a dark, rust red pencil skirt that stops just above her knees and a dark gold scoop necked blouse with loose three quarter sleeves.
Rolling her eyes Naruto grumbles, “Fine. I don’t see why we have to have a damn bachelorette party when I really, truly, honestly don’t want one, but whatever.”
“It’s a celebratory sendoff to your single life, Naruto,” Iruka explains, exasperation coloring her voice.
“That makes it sound more like a funeral, nee-chan,” Naruto states, giving her a flat look.
“It’s just for one night. Just give it a shot, Red,” Temari huffs in irritation. A mischievous grin spreads across her face. “Unless you plan on divorcing Ibiki later, then count on another if you get married again.”
Temari ‘oofs’ when Naruto nails her in the side with her elbow while Iruka chuckles.
“I don’t plan on doing this again, smartass!”
“Just be glad both parties are tonight so they’re over and done with quickly,” Iruka soothes.
Sighing softly, Naruto runs a hand through her bangs.
“I don’t care if Ibiki has one, but it’s nothing more than an excuse for everyone to get trashed.” Eyeing Temari she adds, “And you’re right, it’s not fair that I’m being forced to have a party when I can’t drink. And watching other people get drunk is NOT the same thing, despite Anko’s feeble reassurances.”
“Get over it and get dressed, Red,” Temari huffs in exasperation as she scoots off the bed. “Going to the damn thing is not going to kill you and you’ll probably have more fun than you think you will.”
Naruto throws a dirty look as the blonde disappears back through the doorway.
Iruka smiles warmly as she moves over to the bed taking Temari’s place next to Naruto.
Pulling the redhead into a hug she soothes, “I know you’re not thrilled with the party considering your aversion to any involving alcohol, but know that everyone is trying to make these experiences enjoyable for you. It’s also something they really want to do for you. You were denied and cheated out of a lot growing up. We just want you to enjoy some of the same things any other bride gets to enjoy.”
“I understand, nee-chan, but it’s still not exactly comfortable for me,” Naruto mutters softly. “I don’t like being the center of attention anymore and wish everyone would stop dragging me out into the open.”
“I wish I could undo all the damage Sasuke and some villagers inflicted on you,” Iruka sighs, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I can only do my part to get you through this and help you enjoy it as much as possible. I’m just asking that you at least try.”
“I promised I would, didn’t I?” Naruto asks wearily.
“Yes, you did,” Iruka chuckles. “So please get ready or we’re going to be late. The sooner we get there, the sooner the party will be over.
When Naruto nods, Iruka squeezes her shoulders one more time before getting up and leaving the room so she can get dressed.
Nearly an hour later Temari and Iruka escort Naruto to the restaurant/bar where the bachelorette party from hell is going to be. She sullenly thinks the two just want to make sure she doesn’t try to make a break for it.
They know her too damn well.
She soothes herself with the thought she’ll at least get a nice dinner out of this, even if she can’t drink a damn thing besides water.
Entering the reception area, the hostess takes their names and informs them the banquet room will be ready in a few minutes. They sit on a nearby bench just as other guests arrive.
The predominant assortment of kunoichi Naruto has either worked with or is friends with mingle and chat excitedly until they’re allowed inside banquet room located right next to the bar minutes later. Stepping inside Naruto is dumbstruck by the most bizarre sight she has ever seen.
Penises everywhere.
Gazing around in dumbfounded awe, she wonders if an exploding tag caught a platoon of shinobi and all that was left of them were their penises.
Hanging from the center of the ceiling isn’t the usual colorful tissue paper sphere. Instead it’s a giant tissue paper penis. Naruto guesses it had to be nearly two meters long. Two small colorful tissue paper spheres strategically hang where the testicles would normally be.
Her eyes drift along the walls of the room where illustrated, anatomically correct cardboard cutouts of penises are plastered from floor to ceiling. Intermittently taped in the open spaces of the cutouts are small pairs of blue balloons.
Surprisingly, the helium balloons anchored by weights on the tables or tied to the backs of chairs are the normal, colorful variety.
On a side table lining a wall off to the right is the grand centerpiece. Rising proudly approximately over a meter in height is an ice sculpture fountain shaped like a penis with non-alcoholic punch burbling from the crown.
Naruto and Temari both completely lose it. Leaning onto each other heavily they laugh their asses off when they notice Yoshino twitching and staring at it in stupefied horror. Even Iruka can’t resist laughing.
“I can’t wait to tell Kakashi about this!”
Seeing Naruto’s reaction is of amusement, Anko bravely steps forward to hug the now chuckling redhead.
“Congratulations on finally making a man out of Ibiki!”
“Thanks, Anko,” Naruto grins back.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if the plates and napkins are shaped like penises,” Temari muses with a smirk.
“The napkins didn’t arrive in time,” Anko pouts then brightens up with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “However, dinner hasn’t been served yet.”
“No wonder everyone thinks you’re a sex maniac,” Naruto rolls her eyes.
“I always took Anko as being sex obsessed, not a maniac,” Iruka drolly replies.
“More like penis envy if you ask me,” Temari quips.
The ensuing laughter breaks Yoshino out of her stupor to mutter, “What the hell?”
Tsunade saunters over to join them.
“My compliments to the ice sculptor on the anatomic accuracy, Anko.” Sniggering, she adds, “I love how they managed to make the punch flow out of it.”
“Found him in a nearby village,” Anko beams proudly. “Moved here recently from Snow Country.”
“Don’t encourage her!” Yoshino snaps irritably, triggering another round of laughter.
“I’m surprised the balloons aren’t penis shaped,” Yugao comments.
Anko pouts again.
“They were in the same shipment as the napkins.” Perking up, she adds, “The party shop gave me a great discount on the balloons and helium to make up for it.”
Ino makes her way over to them, handing out penis shaped lollipops to all the guests.
“Isn’t this going a little overboard?” Yoshino sardonically asks, holding up the treat for scrutiny.
“Not in the least,” Anko grins, knowing it’ll annoy the woman further. “Although, I might’ve gone overboard with the gift bags everyone’s getting tonight. Well,” she muses thoughtfully, “they should find the flavored lube and glow in the dark and rainbow colored condoms useful, but the edible one size fits all underwear might be too much.”
Yoshino slaps a hand to her face, groaning in exasperation.
Anko pats her shoulder reassuringly.
“All I’m doing is promoting safe sex.” Reaching over, she pats Naruto’s stomach adding, “Which Naruto-chan would’ve found extremely useful during New Years.”
Naruto playfully slaps Anko’s hand away while joining in the laughter. Although she refused to give specific details regarding how she got pregnant, everyone did the math and agree that it happened during New Years. Many speculated it was the result of drunk sex, which turned into something more. Others debated against that idea since it’s well known Ibiki never even gets buzzed. Either way Anko figures Naruto would enjoy the joke at her expense.
Ino reappears behind Naruto to stick a plastic tiara with a short fluffy veil on her head. Adjusting it, she swats Naruto’s hands away when she tries removing it.
“It stays on, or else,” she growls.
Naruto sighs in resignation, especially when she’s maneuvered to sit in an overstuffed, ridiculous throne-like chair trimmed in red velvet and gold gilt at the main table.
“Seriously?” she asks no one in particular.
“Well, on the bright side it looks like the most comfortable chair in the room. Should ease any aches in your back,” Temari muses facetiously.
Grudgingly, Naruto settles in the throne. At least it’s as comfortable as Temari stupidly pointed out. Minutes later she’s not surprised when their dinner of chicken cordon bleu with grilled vegetables and a roll is served on penis shaped paper plates, reminding her that Anko is not one for subtlety.
As she eats the delicious meal, the room feels increasingly stuffy to Naruto because of the amount of people present. It’s also a little too noisy, but she manages to cope with that okay until she cuts into the chicken and the ham and cheese spurts out a certain way becoming too much for her. Surrounded by penises and the fact the plates are not only penis shaped, but also illustratively printed contributes to her strong need for fresh air.
Yoshino and Hinata follow Naruto out and keep her company until she feels well enough to come back inside. When she settles back in place, she’s relieved to discover Iruka figured out the problem and helpfully cut up the remainder of her food so she can enjoy it without further problems.
Once dinner is over the drinking begins and the music gets louder. Some of the ladies dance while others sit and chat. It’s not long before Hinata and Hanabi approach Naruto as she chats with Kurenai and Yugao.
“Excuse us, Naruto-chan,” Hinata interrupts.
Breaking off from the conversation, Naruto grins and gets up from her seat and steps off to the side with the two Hyuga sisters.
“Hey, guys, what’s up? Enjoying the party?”
“Yes, we are,” Hinata briefly smiles and hesitates. “I’m sorry, but we have to leave now.”
Naruto blinks in surprise then asks, “Why? Do you have a mission tomorrow?”
“No,” Hinata shakes her head. “But father asked us to come home after dinner.”
“To be honest, he doesn’t trust Anko, Naruto,” Hanabi sighs wearily.
“So to avoid upsetting father, we’re going to leave,” Hinata replies guiltily.
Smiling fondly, Naruto shakes her head then hugs each sister in turn.
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t blame your dad. And I didn’t want a bachelorette party in the first place, remember?” When Hinata smiles in gratitude, she adds, “And I doubt you guys are gonna miss much. You know most of these gals are gonna to get plastered and you both have seen everyone drunk at one point or another over years.”
The two Hyuga laugh and nod in agreement.
“I’m glad you’re not upset, Naruto,” Hinata states.
“Really, I’m not,” Naruto reassures her.
“Do try and have fun despite all the drunks, Naruto,” Hanabi grins.
“I will,” Naruto promises. “It’s fun screwing with a drunk’s head.”
Hanabi and Hinata laugh with her before hugging her again and leaving. Before she can return to her seat, something out of the corner of her eye captures her attention. Looking over her right shoulder, Naruto sees Anko and Ino having a heated discussion with Tenten and Hana on the far side of the room. Her gaze shifts to some of the restaurant staff clearing a space in the center of the room and lining the edge with chairs in a circular pattern.
Next thing she knows Yugao is gently maneuvering her to sit in her throne as a guy she doesn’t recognize enters the room. He’s about her age nearly covered from neck to toe in orange and black balloons. The only parts of his body still visible are his dirty blonde head, the inside of his legs and feet.
Stepping over, Yoshino leans over the back of the chair to hiss, “I told Anko and Ino, no strippers!”
“That’s what he is, isn’t he?” Naruto mutters back in question.
Before Yoshino can reply, the man shuffles over and hands Naruto a bouquet of white roses. Taking her hand, he kisses it.
“Congratulations on getting married. I am your entertainment for the evening.”
Without waiting for a reply, he awkwardly bows and then moves about the room, passing out bamboo senbons.
Judging by the grim expressions on Anko and Ino’s faces, Naruto knows they aren’t responsible. She quickly deduces Hana and Tenten hired the guy, judging the exuberant expressions on their faces. Glancing back at a fuming Yoshino, she knows things can get ugly fast because she looks like she’s going to tackle the unsuspecting stripper. Placing a hand on the brunette’s wrist, she gently pulls her to sit in the chair next to her.
“Don’t to worry about it, Yoshino. I’m okay with it. Let’s just go with it and deal with the rest later.”
The music cuts off Yoshino’s reply as the guy begins dancing. She’s not happy about the situation, but leaves it alone for now.
Naruto thinks he’s pretty good. It’s the first time she’s seen a male belly dancer, but his moves are strong, elegant and graceful. His skill is all the more impressive since she imagines it can’t be easy dancing covered from the neck on down in balloons.
Everyone catches on quickly to his routine. Whenever he stops in front of a lady and sticks out a part of his body, they gleefully pop a balloon.
Yoshino sullenly refuses to pop any whenever he passes their way until he deliberately stops in front of her, swinging his hips and swaying in place, refusing to move until she pops the one on his stomach. She tries ignoring him, glaring off to the side until the catcalls and jeering from the other guests become too much. So just to get rid of him, she finally does. A long, yellow balloon like the kind used to make balloon animals strategically attached to his crotch falls forward to harmlessly whack her against forehead. Laughing, Naruto grabs Yoshino’s wrist to prevent the irate woman from driving the senbon into the stripper somewhere uncomfortable as he moves over to dance in front of Tsunade.
The busty blonde joyously pops the last balloon on his fanny. It explodes hilariously with glitter and confetti, revealing his flesh colored bikini briefs.
Naruto mentally admits the stripper they got is perfect and doesn’t hesitate to jump to her feet and join in giving him a standing ovation.
The stripper bows to all the ladies before grabbing a yukata. Slipping it on he walks over and gives Naruto another kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks for the dance,” she grins. “That was pretty awesome, especially how well you danced covered in balloons.”
“I’m an expert with balloons,” the stripper explains with a smirk. “I have another business where I perform as a clown for children’s parties.”
She blinks in shock before quipping, “I hope you can keep both types of parties straight or some kid’s parents isn’t gonna appreciate your dancing skills.”
“That only happened once,” he rolls his brown eyes with a laugh. “I used to have a friend do my scheduling, but she accidentally put down I was to strip at a birthday party for a local daimyo’s wife’s. Turns out it was his kid’s birthday party. So I’m dressed like a samurai with my yukata wide open and chest exposed. The wife and some of the other parents stopped me before I went out to where the kids were. Fortunately, I brought along my clown costume and was able to make the switch.” With a wink he adds, “That’s why I’m so good with balloons.” His grin widens as Naruto busts out laughing. “It all worked out. I avoided scarring the kids and having a hit put out on me. Plus, I booked a couple of strip performances among the adults.”
Some of the kunoichi attending the party join Naruto in laughing again.
“You fiancé’s bachelor party is tonight at a nearby bar and grill, isn’t it?” he asks, surprising Naruto. When she nods, he says, “I know the two girls hired by Jiraiya for it and I assure you they won’t go overboard like you hear in some bachelor party horror stories. They’re like me and actually perform.” Bowing again, he adds, “Congratulations again on your marriage.”
After the stripper picks up his things and leaves, Tsunade asks, “Did I hear right that Jiraiya hired strippers for Ibiki’s party?”
“That’s what I heard,” Temari muses
“It’s a good thing Yoshino’s too busy grilling Anko and Ino over hiring the stripper to hear that,” Iruka adds.
Naruto whips around, asking, “She is? But they weren’t the ones to hire my stripper; Hana and Tenten did.”
“I didn’t think Anko would ever outright defy Yoshino like that,” Yugao muses thoughtfully.
“Why didn’t you want a stripper anyway, Naruto?” Tsume asks.
“After my breakdown I was dragged to a bachelorette party,” she sighs, reluctantly beginning to recount a shorter version of the same story she told Yoshino. “When the stripper came out he did the usual bump and grind, but during the routine he handcuffed my wrist to the chair making it hard not to freak out because being restrained and that phony look of desire on his face reminded me of Sasuke,” she finishes quietly.
“Why didn’t you tell Ino and Anko that?” Moegi asks in confusion. “Both said they didn’t know why.”
Naruto rolls her eyes.
“It’s not something I like sharing, y’know. It’s kinda embarrassing that I’d be afraid of a stripper, but if they asked I would’ve told them.”
“Ino and Anko should’ve asked,” Shizune agrees.
“Not just them, Tenten and Hana,” Kurenai adds. “Once Naruto said ‘no strippers,’ no one else contemplated hiring any. They ignored the words that came right out of her mouth.”
“I’m not mad about it,” Naruto assures them. “And the guy was actually really good.”
She’s cut off from commenting further when Yoshino joins them, leaving behind a shaken Anko and Ino.
“They didn’t hire the stripper.”
“Hana and Tenten did,” Naruto surprises her before explaining what happened.
Yoshino turns to Tsume and solemnly declares, “You’re going to be down a daughter and clan heir before morning.”
“That’s okay,” Tsume shrugs. “It’s why I had two kids.”
Naruto joins in the laughter before calming down enough to tell Yoshino, “Don’t worry about it and enjoy the rest of the party.” A devious smirk crosses her face as she adds, “It lulls them into a false sense of security and it’ll be that much more fun to nail them later.”
“That’s just evil,” Temari quips.
“Hey, I can’t drink, so I gotta get my fun somehow,” Naruto replies indifferently.
“Actually, you don’t have to stay totally dry tonight, gaki,” Tsunade points out as a server walks up and hands Naruto a glass of red wine. At her questioning gaze she adds, “It’s not hard liquor and one glass won’t hurt the baby. You won’t be drinking anymore tonight or during the rest of your pregnancy after the wedding ceremony.”
“Thanks, baa-chan,” Naruto replies gratefully, taking a sip.
“Naruto?” Ino asks hesitantly from behind her.
Naruto turns around to face a guilty looking Anko and Ino.
“We’re sorry about the stripper,” Ino apologizes with a bow.
“Guys,” Naruto smiles fondly at them. “I know you didn’t hire him, so don’t apologize for something you didn’t do. And it worked out okay even if I didn’t want one.”
“Didn’t you enjoy it?” Anko pouts.
“I did,” Naruto nods, “But I had my reasons and you guys didn’t asked.”
She then explains why, making the two feel even guiltier.
“Knock it off,” Naruto gripes wearily. “The guy was good and didn’t do anything to freak me out, so stop worrying about it and enjoy the rest of the party.” Seeing Ino and Anko finally relax, she asks, “Where are my future prank victims anyway?”
Ino snickers, “Tenten and Hana walked the stripper out so they could pay him.”
Naruto glances over at Yoshino who throws up her hands saying, “I’ll let you handle it.”
Turning back to Anko and Ino, Naruto replies, “See? Let’s have fun.”
“Can’t argue with that,” Anko quips as the music grows louder and they begin to dance again.
Naruto settles back onto her throne, taking a sip of her wine.
The fox surprises her when he mentally assures her, “None of the alcohol will come anywhere near the baby and will be out of your system quickly.”
“Thanks you furry bastard,” Naruto smiles to herself.
She considers joining the dancing, but is enjoying kicking back and sipping her wine, wondering how Ibiki is faring at his party.
A/N: We’re not done with the bachelor and bachelorette parties yet! Not even halfway. I wasn’t kidding when I said it’d take more than a chapter.
I decided not to include any wild bachelorette/bachelor party stories like I did with the incredible birth stories because those are a dime a dozen. I also felt they’d weigh down the story and I was eager to get to Naruto and Ibiki’s parties.

Hope you guys enjoy and thank you all for reading.
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Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell