Obsession | By : Infek Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1875 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. Note: ANBU Core is not an existing branch of ANBU but only used to benefit this story. |
every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
figures that my COURAGE would choose to sell out now
I’ve been raising up my hands
drive another nail in
just what GOD needs one more victim
every day I crucify myself
nothing I do is good enough for you
and my HEART is sick of being in chains
you’re just an empty cage kid if you kill the bird
please be save me I CRY
Crucify – Tori Amos [Adapted]
Chapter VIII There Is No Life Without Rage
Two bodies lay in the bed, their limbs entwined and their grasp firm as if they feared that if they let go for even the tiniest of moments, the other would be gone when they opened their eyes.
A gasp escaped him and he jerked his head up but a hand settled on his cheek.
“It’s alright, Neji. It was a nightmare.” Neji fell down on the bed again, his face slick with sweat and he haphazardly wiped his brow.
“Tell me your plan, ‘Tachi. I need to know you have one.” Itachi sighed, already dreading the conversation but he knew as well that time wasn’t in their advantage. He had postponed telling him long enough; Neji’s current desperation could prove to be a convincing factor in his advantage. He sat up, supporting his body against the headboard and Neji settled himself right in front of him so their eyes were meeting.
“Do you remember what I told you about Uchiha Madara?”
“Yes, of course. He’s the leader of Akatsuki and wants you to join.” As he uttered those last words, he understood Itachi’s plan and shook his head firmly, not wanting to believe it.
“He has found a way to remove your curse-seal, Neji.” Neji kept shaking his head.
“You want us to join Akatsuki!? They nearly killed Sabaku no Gaara and are after Naruto. They’re the biggest criminal organization in all of the Countries and you want us to join them? Have you completely lost your mind?” Neji raged. He couldn’t believe this was Itachi’s master plan, that this was their only way of escape.
Itachi didn’t avert his eyes but did close them briefly. It was normal that Neji was upset and mad at him, yet this was their only chance that was likely to succeed. He would have to keep repeating this until he realized this as well. “It is the only way. Only Akatsuki knows how to remove your seal.”
Neji smashed his fists on the mattress. “And what if they kill me the moment I set foot in their hide-out? Madara wants you to join but he never said anything about me. How can you be so blind?”
Itachi grabbed one of his hands in a firm grip, even though Neji was trying to get loose. “After your second ANBU Core-mission, we ran into Hoshigake Kisame. He was sent to test your abilities, see if they were good enough and they want you to join as well.”
“How can you expect me to become a missing-nin, spending the rest of my life in hiding, constantly on the run? We’ll never have a moment’s peace,” Neji scoffed. The grasp on his wrist loosened a bit but before he could pull his hand back, he was dragged forward, their faces barely apart.
“And what about me? Did it mean nothing when you said that you trusted me and loved me?” Itachi hissed, his anger flaring at Neji’s cold words. “What about me, huh!? You’re not the only one that doesn’t want you to get married.”
Now it was Neji’s turn to be hurt by the other’s words and he hung his head, ashamed of his cruelty towards his most precious person who didn’t deserve such a treatment. He hesitantly reached for Itachi’s hand with his own free one and squeezed it briefly.
“I’m sorry.”
Itachi bent his head to force him to look at him. “Don’t be. I know my suggestion of joining Akatsuki will demand many sacrifices but it’s the only option we have. Otherwise you’ll be married in two months and I mean it when I say that I’ll kill us both if that day comes. But I’ll be damned if I give us only the past two years.”
Neji placed his palms against his forehead and breathed heavily. Joining Akatsuki would mean getting his curse-seal removed and remaining at Itachi’s side but he had pledged loyalty to the Leaf, he had sworn on everything that was holy to him that he wouldn’t betray Konoha. While for others, this could mean an easy decision, he didn’t find it such at all. He would have to leave everything behind that, when now being confronted with an ultimatum, turned out to be a lot more than he could have imagined. Itachi’s promise (and it was nothing less) that he would kill them both if Neji was to get married even seemed tempting at the moment, even though it would be a cowardly solution.
“I don’t expect you to choose now. I’ll leave you to think this over. If you have made your decision, come to me. But if you choose to stay here, I will make sure you won’t be alive by the time of your marriage.” If I can’t have you, then no one else can as well. Although unspoken, the words hung heavily in the room. Neji didn’t feel threatened by it since he understood Itachi’s reasoning perfectly. And he knew that even if Itachi wouldn’t kill him, he would still die. After having experienced an unusually strong bond with another person, the thought of embracing and making love to another made bile rise in his throat. He would be mentally broken so easily after their separation and it would be just a matter of time before he would literally wither away. He wished he could say he was strong enough to overcome this but he held no doubt that his predictions would come true. Yet, seeking out their freedom came at a high price. They would undoubtedly be classified as S-Class missing-nin, death looming at every encounter with other shinobi. It would be a cruel existence and test the both of them in every possible way. He felt lips softly touching his and he instinctively wrapped his arms around Itachi’s neck, trying to find even a second’s peace.
[-]
Hinata saw Neji train in the Hyūga’s private training-field and saw the anger in his movements, each punch with more force than needed, each kick shaking the tree trunk. She had hoped that after seeing him last time, when he had spoken such kind words about her future position as the Hyūga clan head, he would have accepted his marriage. He had always made it clear that he would object to an arranged marriage but under that hitai-ate, there was still that seal… Her hands formed fists as she silently promised him that even if she was too late to help him, she wouldn’t abandon the following generations. She would never put a curse-seal on her second child and hopefully, never one on Neji’s children. He would never forgive her if she did and even though he had tried to kill her four years ago, she honestly considered him a brother and regardless if Neji would never say so, she knew Neji saw her as his little sister. He had always gone that extra mile for her since the first Chūnin-exams, helping her as much as he could in training and being (overly) protective. She would love him forever for that and simply for being the person that he was. He deserved respect for overcoming the barrier placed before him by his own family. He truly was the strongest of their clan.
“Neji-niisan,” she called. Neji interrupted his training and turned towards her, his chest heaving with exertion and his cheeks reddened. Hinata picked up the tray with two cups of tea and some onigiri and walked over to him. “I thought you’d like something to drink.” They sat down on the grass, the tray between them.
“Thank you, Hinata-sama.” He stared at her as she put sugar in his cup, knowing his secret sweet tooth and breathed in deeply. If he did decide to go with Itachi, he would miss her sorely. She had forgiven him for trying to kill her and hadn’t let him beat her down, relentless in her own pursuit for strength. He still remembered the first few times he had trained her and how these times spent together had brought them much closer, him finding a sort of confidant in her. He never did tell her as much as he told Itachi. His mouth tightened as he thought of his secret lover, wondering if he would ever be able to let him go. You won’t. You never will. He cursed his mind, wishing for a momentary reprieve from the many thoughts and scenarios plaguing him.
“Nii-san,” Hinata softly said. She held his cup and he took it from her, bowing his head slightly. “I’m sorry for not being able to help you,” she repeated.
He gave her a short smile, not wanting to upset her. “I know,” he said once again.
Hinata clenched her own cup tightly, her eyes trained on the grass. “I heard Yazawa-san is a very kind woman.”
Neji drank some of his tea to prevent from lashing out at Hinata. Of all the people, he hadn’t expected Hinata to try and coerce him into thinking his marriage wouldn’t be as bad as he seemed to think. He tried to understand her reasoning though, since she thought he didn’t have a chance of escaping this and that he was only objecting because he opposed being forced into this.
“Don’t do this, Hinata-sama,” he curtly said. He wanted her to understand his position, that he would be forced to leave the man he loved behind. Stealing a glance at her, their eyes met and he could see her innate kindness, the soft encouraging smile on her lips.
“How would you feel if you had to leave Kiba behind to marry someone you don’t even know?” He hoped his trust in her wasn’t idle and that she wouldn’t tell someone else what he was about to relay to her.
Hinata was confused by his question but decided to go along, knowing Neji would ultimately make his point. “I would hate it.” Suddenly, it clicked. She gasped and nearly dropped her cup of tea. She sat it down and leaned closer to Neji. “Who…when-?” How was it possible that no one knew about Neji having a relationship already? But why hadn’t he told this sooner? Had he come forth himself and introduced her to their family, then he could have married his lover.
“I trust that you won’t tell anyone else?” Neji looked at her questioningly. She fiercely nodded. His secret would be safe with her. But why is it a secret?
“I’ve been seeing Uchiha Itachi for nearly two years now.” She slapped a hand for her mouth to try and stifle the surprised cry. Uchiha Itachi, the prodigy of his clan and… a man. It made sense now why no one could know. Neji hung his head, thinking she was disgusted with him and he moved to stand up but a hand on his stopped him.
“Oh, Neji…” she whispered with tears in her eyes. She continued to hold his hand and squeezed it in a sign of support. “Do you love him?”
Neji nodded his head slowly. Hinata felt tears making their way across her cheeks as she thought of her nephew’s cruel fate. She didn’t even want to imagine having to leave her lover behind. It was bad enough seeing it happen to someone she cared for.
“It’s hopeless, I know. It probably was from the moment it started. I never should have started it.” As he said it, his conscience screamed at him that it was a lie. Even knowing what he knew now, he still would have done it because it had been worth it. Few people got to experience what he had, something so precious that it was almost sickeningly sweet. “Don’t tell anyone, Hinata-sama. It would only make things worse.” It only made her sob louder but he knew she would do as he said. He gently pried her hand off his and stood up, making his way inside.
Hinata hid her head in her arms and cried so hard it made her chest ache. Neji never would have confessed this if he didn’t really love Itachi-san and now their relationship would come to a screeching halt. The thing that hurt her the most was that she couldn’t do anything about it.
[-]
It had already been two weeks since he had last seen Neji. Two whole weeks in which he was left doubting, hoping, trusting that Neji would choose to take a chance to live together. He jumped up and twirled the kunai in his hands, ready to attack. He let them soar in the sky and heard the satisfying cracking sound of the blades hitting target. Looking at the tree, he saw the whole branch splintered, only held together by his five kunai. The other surrounding trees were in no better state, all showing deep holes of where he had kicked and hit. He really didn’t want to have to kill Neji but he would in an instant, refusing to lose him to someone else. Imagining the uproar it would cause, two of the most talented young shinobi in Konoha found dead, made him smirk ironically.
This whole situation was gravely testing his faith in the justice of this world. But then again, after all the people he had killed, he wondered if he still believed in it at all, if there was still a point to try and do so. He flexed his hands before slamming his fist into a nearby tree.
“Aniki,” he heard Sasuke hesitantly say. He looked at his brother and gave him a glare.
“What?” he asked coldly. He knew he was making his brother upset by reacting more aggressively than usual but at the moment, he really didn’t care. Sasuke would have to learn someday that even he wasn’t perfect and had moments of anger and frustration.
“Okaa-san asked me to come and get you. Dinner is ready.” Itachi nodded , quickly retrieving his kunai before following Sasuke.
The moment he walked into the house, he felt his father’s gaze and he turned to him, silently asking what he wanted.
“You haven’t been to the clan-meeting yesterday.” It reminded Itachi of that night ten years ago when he also had been absent, instead spending the night with Madara and… Shishui. He had been thoroughly interrogated then and if he guessed correctly, tonight wasn’t going to be any different.
“I had prior engagements.” Fugaku stormed up to him so they were just centimetres apart but never stared into his eyes.
“You weren’t on a mission and nothing is more important than your clan, Itachi.”
“Many things are more important to me than this clan.” He heard Fugaku gasp and silence fell in the room. Sasuke and his mother were watching them and were probably worried, wishing he hadn’t said this. But he saw no point in lying anymore, in trying to placate his father for who nothing would ever be good enough. No matter the outcome of the near future, he would be freed of this pretentious and haughty clan. And even if he wouldn’t, he was stronger than anyone in his family and they were scared. They wouldn’t dare do anything too serious against him, unlike when he was thirteen.
“If you think your family doesn’t matter, you’ve thought wrong. You’d better show up next time.”
Itachi lowered his head so he caught his father’s eyes and he could see his Sharingan spinning. “Family? I am nothing but a mirror-image of your own failed accomplishments to you, not a son. You know nothing about me and only want me to do more, be more.” His anger seeped through, the couple last weeks finally taking their toll on him. He knew he had hit his father’s weak spot when he alluded to his contorted vision in raising him and wasn’t even surprised that a hand slapped him hard on his cheek. So this is what it felt like for Neji. It was indeed very degrading, the intention behind it solely to set him in his place. But Fugaku forgot that he had long since learned his place had never been under him.
“Itachi, please,” his mother nearly begged, her hand clenched around Sasuke’s shoulder. Itachi nodded and turned around, leaving the room. They heard the front door being slid shut and Sasuke placed a comforting hand on his mother’s.
“He’s going to be fine, okaa-san.” He missed the tears in his mother’s eyes as she thought of her eldest and how she craved to be able to turn back time and let Itachi grow up as a normal child, not a too-young warrior.
[-]
“Shikamaru!” He heard his name being yelled and lazily turned around, squinting his eyes against the smoke of his cigarette. Neji was nearly running towards him, looking unusually upset. It wasn’t really bizarre since he would be married in a month and a half but seeing Neji’s distress made him suspect Itachi hadn’t turned up with a plan after all. He shook his head, disappointed with the so-called Uchiha-prodigy. He had really hoped his words to Neji hadn’t been said in vain but alas. His guesses were that Neji wanted to talk to him to see if he saw a way out. His brain, over-active as was typical had indeed come up with a few escape-routes but nearly all were heavily tinged with danger and not the occasional threats which were standard for any Jounin-mission. It would be a life on the run, forever trying to escape the clutches of their families and the hunter-nin. And the sole other option would mean the end for Neji, he held no doubt about that. Neji never was one to speak empty words, not even (or especially) when he was drunk. Alcohol did tend to let people speak the uninhibited truth, after all.
“Yo,” he greeted Neji as he now stood before him. Neji met his penetrating gaze and let himself be seen for once, allowed Shikamaru to see just what he was feeling at the moment. Shikamaru had watched many missing-nin die before him, them being on the brink of death always giving him a kind of “free access” to their mind but never had he seen such utter misery bordering on hopelessness. No, definitely not one of empty words. Shikamaru shook his head once more and started walking to his apartment, trusting that Neji would follow him.
Once inside the apartment, he motioned for Neji to sit down and flopped down next to him, placing his feet on the low table in front of them.
“I take it Itachi doesn’t have a plan?”
Neji breathed in deeply, wringing his hands together. He could never tell Shikamaru that yes, there was a plan but that it involved joining the organization that killed his beloved sensei, Sarutobi Asuma. He would hate them forever for it and Neji did value their friendship. But what did it matter in the end? When, if he and Itachi joined Akatsuki? The chances of continuing their friendship would be non-existing. Shikamaru would become the hunter and they the hunted.
Yet, he thought of Itachi and the sharp pain that flared up every time he reminded himself of his upcoming marriage and as much as he would detest the knowledge that they had to turn their back on the (few) people in Konoha they valued, he wasn’t ready to give him up and doubted he ever would. How do you give up the person that showed you life? How he wished he could so easily neglect the other contributing factors in his decision and just think strategically, the goal existing of remaining by Itachi’s side and the other people he valued pawns in a game, ready to be sacrificed. Never could he have suspected two years ago that he would now found it impossible to leave Itachi.
“Neji?” He looked up startled, not realizing how much time he had spent thinking things over for the umpteenth time.
“What are our options?” he finally asked straight-forwardly. He liked to believe Shikamaru cared enough to have already thought things over himself.
Shikamaru shrugged, putting out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. “You’ve got four options. First is to defect the village without having an idea of how to remove your curse-seal, giving you two, three weeks at most to find a method if you’re not killed by one of your clan before that.” He didn’t think it was necessary to point out the ludicrous side of this plan. Three weeks wouldn’t even suffice to find someone with ideas of how to remove Neji’s seal, let alone remove it as well. He heard Neji’s sigh but decided it was best to continue. “Second, you can defect and by some bizarre coincidence find someone in that time span who can remove it or perhaps Itachi knows a way already to do it.”
Glancing sideways, he wanted to cringe as he saw Neji’s deadly pale pallor. He valued Neji as a person and he did wish he could provide a solution that meant he could stay together with Itachi for at least longer than just three weeks. “You can go to the Hokage and ask if she could intervene but it would mean that your relationship would become public. And lastly, you can marry that girl.”
“Itachi said he’d kill me if I did have to get married. And even if the Hokage intervenes, our relationship would be forced to end, m- our families will make sure of that.” The words weren’t laced with venom as Neji tended to do when he was angry but with such bitterness uncommon for someone so young. It reminded Shikamaru of age-old men having seen too much, having lost even more. But as he thought Neji’s retort over in his head, he wasn’t all too stunned by Itachi’s promise. The times he had seen him, his obsessive nature when it concerned Neji was quite easy to see since he didn’t even bother to hide it. He would never let Neji go, one way or the other.
“Sorry, I know one option is worse than the other.” Neji turned his way but now avoiding his gaze.
“And what if we were to defect? Even if it would be near impossible to survive longer than a month?”
Shikamaru chuckled, the sound making Neji lift his head. “That’s a choice you have to make and that no one else can make for you. You can reason that at least you tried but you can also consider it a prolonged suicide. Depends on how you want to see it.”
Prolonged suicide. It sounded so… final. “How much chance do we have of surviving?”
Shikamaru blinked slowly. “About five percent if you calculate that you don’t have a way to remove your seal. You’d probably be seen as S-Class missing-nin since you both know too much and are too powerful. Perhaps not if you lay low. But yeah, about five percent.”
Neji knew their chances were increasingly higher to survive the first few weeks, perhaps months if they joined Akatsuki but they would be viciously hunted down and seen as one of Konoha’s biggest threats. They did know too much and it would be automatically assumed that they would spill their knowledge to Akatsuki.
“Whatever you do, Neji, I’ll do my best to stop them as long as possible.”
No, you won’t. Not if we follow Itachi’s plan. Even after hearing this useless declaration of support from Shikamaru, he knew he was driven more and more to go along with Itachi. Even after realizing that their lives would constantly be put on the line. But there was still that nagging twinge of doubt that he couldn’t seem able to discard.
[-]
Hiashi waited for Neji in front of their reception room and saw him approaching, luckily dressed appropriately for what was to come. Perhaps he ceased his rebellion. Hiashi hoped so because his patience was wearing thin when it concerned Neji.
“One wrong glance at her and you’ll pay, understood?” Neji nodded, not bothering to protest. He would drag himself through this and then lock himself up in his room to think things over once again. Hiashi reverently opened the double doors and they walked in, Neji’s future wife and mother-in law already waiting for them. Neji kneeled and bowed as he was supposed to, glancing up at Kaoru-san. She was blushing madly, trying to hide herself behind the few stray locks that were deliberately let loose. Neji thought that she could be considered beautiful with her brown hair and rounded face but he felt not a single twinge of attraction. Itachi had ruined him for life when it came to love, making sure that Neji would feel anything more than friendship only for him.
“We wish to thank you for proposing a marriage between my daughter and Neji-kun, Hyūga-san,” the mother said.
“It is my pleasure, Yazawa-san. Their union will reinstate the sadly slightly neglected bond between our families.” Neji felt a poke on his knee and knew he had to speak up.
“Arigatou, Yazawa-san,” he said politely. The woman smiled in glee as he turned his attention to her and he was disgusted as he saw the spark of attraction in her eyes. He quickly averted his gaze.
“Kaoru-kun, say something,” he heard the mother whisper loudly. The girl hesitantly lifted her head and her cheeks reddened even more as she stared at Neji. She was weak, it was so obvious. Every time she moved, she did it slowly as if one wrong gesture could offset something terrible. Granted, the situation they were in was partially responsible but she displayed her weakness so clearly that it made Neji want to roll his eyes. It was disgusting to see.
His uncle and her mother went through all the regulations of this meeting and he didn’t even bother to listen. To think that being married to the girl sitting across from him would be the death of him. She was crushing the expensive fabric of her kimono in her hands, the grip so tight he could see the white of her knuckles. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t let her become his downfall. There was no heroic motif, he didn’t favour dying in the battlefield but to let someone so weak take away what he valued most would become the greatest mistake of his life. He wanted to hit himself for not realizing this sooner, for not having more faith in Itachi. His legs itched to just run off and go tell his lover that he would follow him wherever he went but he had more sense than that. He would sit this through and the moment the meeting was over, he would finally see Itachi again, after two weeks.
“Neji-kun, is there anything you’d like to say to Kaoru-kun?” He amused himself, thinking of a biting remark along the lines of ‘yes, the thought of marrying you fills me with dread’, but his rational side warned him that he would come to regret that. The girl hadn’t chosen the way she was brought up and in which environment. If everyone around her had always told her she couldn’t become powerful but just had to sit there and look pretty, she wasn’t fully to blame for her weak disposition – part of it was her fault though. Hinata had also been as meek as her but now, she oozed elegance in her fighting and a confidence that seemed to grow on her more with every passing day and she had done it all herself.
“Until next time, Yazawa-kun.” Hiashi nodded arrogantly at him as a sort of praise. Neji wished he would be there when his uncle discovered he had defected.
[-]
Itachi walked into the house again, satisfied that all lights were out. He really didn’t have the patience to deal with yet another confrontation with his father.
“Itachi, is that you?” His mother softly stepped up to him and Itachi was surprised at seeing her. It had been years since his mother had come and talked to him alone.
“Okaa-san,” he greeted.
Her large and kind eyes were filled with worry as she saw her son who she loved dearly look so tense, his many responsibilities weighing heavily on his shoulders. They had placed a much too large burden on him. “Are you alright?”
Itachi honestly didn’t know what to say, not because he was at a loss for an answer but because the question in itself sounded so alien. The only person who bothered to ask him was Neji. Even Sasuke, who placed him on a pedestal and idolized him didn’t ask if things were alright.
“Hai.” But it was not because she genuinely was concerned that he trusted her enough to say that he was far from alright. “Goodnight, okaa-san.”
“Goodnight, Itachi,” his mother whispered and slipped past him. After a moment’s doubt, she lifted her hand and gently rubbed the cheek her husband had hit before going to her bedroom. Itachi wished her touch had been enough to calm him but he was still on edge and he went to his own bedroom to pick up some extra shuriken for a nightly training. The door slid open and his eyes immediately fell on the note attached to his windowsill with a kunai. He nearly ran over and hurriedly read it.
Meet me at the usual place.
N.
He stuffed the note in his pocket and took off through the window. He already saw the light burning in the little house and stopped, calming himself. No matter what Neji’s decision turned out to be, he wouldn’t lose him either way. He kept repeating this over and over in his head until his breathing had slowed down and he could think clearly again. He opened the door and saw Neji standing in the corner of the room, his eyes fixated on the forest outside. Itachi stepped closer until there was an arm’s length between them but remained silent.
Preview Chapter IX
Seeing him like this nearly confirmed that they would both stay in Konoha and that he would have to kill him soon. He wasn’t going to back down and he was prepared to kill Neji if he needed to. It would break him though.
Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Review Responses:
Jade Rose: *Gives more ^_^* Hope it’s a satisfying chapter. Thank you for the review.
Annieme: Thank you!!! And indeed, Y! is a lot more fun. XD
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