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Searching for Something	By : jellybelle21 Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1063 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Neji didn’t move. He didn’t want to wake Gaara up. For a moment, he wondered if this was some sort of trick, and Gaara was going to…well, he didn’t know. But he had a hard time believing that the young man next to him was actually asleep. He had even asked about it last night, and Gaara had confirmed that even after losing Shukaku, he could never get used to the idea of sleeping. However, he had mentioned that he did take very short naps on occasion.

Maybe that’s it. He’ll be awake again in ten minutes or so. I’ll just let him sleep.

Neji wondered who else had ever seen Gaara sleep, and he felt strangely proud that even with the difficulty they were having, the struggle to find where they fit in each other’s lives, he trusted Neji enough to fall asleep. He hoped it wasn’t just that Gaara was exhausted from all the stress and change of the last two days.

His sleeping face is so peaceful. I wish he could be able to sleep like anyone else. I wish I could give him that. I want to see him laugh again, and to see this face again. I just want this to last.

His arm was a bit stiff since Gaara was lying on his shoulder, but he was able to shift it slightly so that his hand was resting on the bare hip. Neji felt the chill of the night air, and was sure that Gaara, wearing nothing at all, must be a little cold as well, so he reached over with his free arm and pulled the blanket up carefully over both of them. Just as he had gotten comfortable, Gaara’s eyes fluttered open, and he gave a Neji a small frown.

“I fell asleep.” He stated, as though disappointed in himself.

“Not for long.” Neji couldn’t help smiling. “It was nice.”

“If you make it comfortable like this, I might fall asleep again.” He sounded rather worried about this possibility, and it struck Neji that even though he had said he didn’t like sleeping, that it bothered him, and he knew more about that from Naruto, he hadn’t really expected Gaara to hate the idea of sleep so much.

“I know you aren’t used to it.” Neji told him, feeling his smile fade away. “But isn’t it nice to be like this?”

“I don’t want to fall asleep.” Gaara told him solemnly, and Neji sighed. It seemed as though his hopes for Gaara were a bit harder to reach than he had originally thought. “I don’t know what’s going on when I wake back up, I don’t know what I missed, I don’t know that I’ll even wake up.”

“It isn’t like you’re in danger right now.” Neji was a bit annoyed, but he tried to keep it out of his voice. “Do you think an assassin is going to leap in the window and you won’t wake up, or I won’t wake up? Because if you’re afraid of Shukaku taking over, he’s gone. He isn’t coming back just to take over your mind.”

“Shut up!” Gaara rolled away from him, flinging away his arm and the blanket. “Just shut up. You can’t make me sleep if I don’t want to.”

“I know.” Neji regretted being sharp with Gaara. He knew this was probably a very sensitive topic for him, as it involved his fear of losing his mind, and he shouldn’t have pushed it so much, but it just didn’t make any sense to him. Gaara was smart. He knew that there was nothing else in his body, but he was still afraid Shukaku would take him over. It frustrated Neji just to think of the situation. “I won’t make you sleep. I just thought maybe you might want to.”

“I won’t ever want to.” Gaara’s voice was like ice, and Neji sat up, reaching out to brush his fingertips over Gaara’s shoulder.

“That’s okay.” He knew that he had really upset Gaara, and he hadn’t meant to. He thought he was helping, but he just couldn’t wrap his head around this phobia of Gaara’s. It didn’t make sense to him. Couldn’t people go crazy if they never slept? He thought he’d read that somewhere. Probably it would be better not to mention that just now. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to.” He stroked Gaara’s shoulder again, and when there was no opposition to this, he scooted closer, laying back down and wrapping his arm over the other man, letting his fingers brush over the flat stomach, tracing the lines of his muscles. Gaara didn’t react, but he didn’t pull away either, and Neji took that as good enough. “I’m sorry.” He breathed in Gaara’s ear, kissing his neck lightly, and it was as though Gaara suddenly melted into him. Neji felt Gaara’s fingers tangle with the ones brushing over his stomach. He felt a kiss being pressed into his palm and he felt relieved that even if he’d been angry, it really had been nothing next to how upset he got over the idea of Neji and Sasuke, which at least meant that he wasn’t really in a life-threatening relationship. Although, he supposed when you dated a ninja, you always ran the risk of them getting sick of you and stabbing you in bed.

“This is nice.” Gaara admitted after several more minutes of lying spooned together in that way. “Don’t let me fall asleep.”

“Okay.” Neji kissed his shoulder again. It may be that Gaara would never be able to just sleep through the night. But Neji still wanted to have his trust. He still wanted to make him happy, no matter what.

----------

Neji didn’t remember falling asleep, but when he woke up, he was laying on his back, and Gaara was looking down at him, his head propped up on one hand, his other hand idly tracing patterns over Neji’s bare chest.

“You fell asleep.” Gaara told him when he blinked up at the redhead.

“I seem to have lost my shirt.” Neji noted, and Gaara did a lazy sort of shrug, as though he really had no idea about anything to do with a missing shirt.

“You already slept yesterday for hours. How could you fall asleep again?” Gaara seemed intrigued by this idea of people sleeping more than once every twenty-four hours.

“I guess I was still tired.” He offered. “Does it bother you to see me asleep?"

“What?” Gaara frowned.

“Were you worried I wouldn’t wake up or something? Like why you can’t really—“

“No, it’s not for other people, just me.” Gaara cut him off before he could finish his thought. “I’ve seen so many people die, I’m not really afraid of other people never waking up.”

“So you wouldn’t care if I just died in my sleep?” Neji smiled to show he was teasing, and was amazed when Gaara offered a small smile in return.

“That wouldn’t happen.” He answered, his eyes glittering with a soft green light. “I was here the whole night. Nothing could happen to you while I’m here. As long as I’m awake, nothing bad can happen to anyone I care about.”

“If you really trusted me to protect you, do you think you could actually fall asleep?” Neji asked, and immediately added. “Just hypothetically.”

“I don’t think so.” Gaara frowned slightly. “I don’t think I could ever trust someone that much.”

“We’ll see.” Neji narrowed his eyes. “So did you just watch me sleep all night?”

“Yes.” Gaara answered immediately and Neji frowned at him. “Your face is very pretty for a boy. I like to look at it. Also, your skin is very soft. I touched it a lot. And your hair.”

Neji ran a hand self-consciously through his hair a few times, combing it with his fingers so it didn’t look silly when he sat up, and he saw a hungry gleam in Gaara’s eyes. He liked his hair, he was proud of how well he took care of it, of how he was able to make something of even black hair, which to him was the plainest of all colors. He had never really thought his hair was sexy, but it was clear that Gaara did. Neji could feel the proof of that nudging against his hip.

“You like my hair?” he asked, a little surprised, but proud of his hair nonetheless.

“It’s very soft and smooth.” Gaara told him. “And it shines. My hair always gets tangled if I let it get any longer than this.” He indicated his own head.

“But your hair is such a unique color.” Neji pointed out, running his own fingers through Gaara’s hair, and almost laughing out loud when his eyes closed and he leaned into Neji’s hand like an attention-starved animal.

Well…he is a bit attention-starved, after all. No one pays attention to Gaara just for Gaara. They always want him to fight, or protect the village, or make choices that only the Kage can make. They don’t see this person who no one touched for years, who just wants someone to genuinely care about him, about who he is inside.

“Mine is just black.” Neji continued, unable to resist the urge to massage Gaara’s scalp a little. The younger man let out a low noise of appreciation. “No matter how smooth it is, my hair will never draw as much attention as yours.”

“I don’t like this color.” Gaara admitted, his eyes cracking open even under Neji’s welcome ministrations. “When I was little, people would point at me and say you could tell I was a monster because my hair looked like blood.”

“That’s a stupid thing to say.” Neji frowned. “Red hair isn’t so rare here, is it?”

“No, not like in Konoha.” He blinked after Neji’s hand moved to brush over his back, and after a moment, he let his arm fall and dropped his head on the pillow next to Neji. “But still, they would say a lot of things like that. To make sure I knew they didn’t want me.”

“I love your red hair.” Neji told him, running his fingers through it once more. “It doesn’t look like blood to me. And your eyes are so distinctive. You don’t look like anyone else I’ve ever seen.”

“I like your eyes better.” Gaara told him. “That night when you kissed me, I couldn’t stop looking at them to see the way they seem to glow. They remind me of the moon.”

“Most people think my eyes are creepy.” Neji admitted. “Everyone in the Hyuuga family has these eyes.”

“Most people think I’m creepy.” Gaara offered, and Neji started laughing, pleased to see Gaara smile softly at his own joke. “So we make a good match. We can scare all the children away.”

“Kankurou will be jealous.” Neji was still smiling. “He hates children, right? Is that why he paints his face, or does he just really like make-up?”

“Maybe that is it.” Gaara considered. “I never asked.” He moved forward then, using the arm that was draped over Neji to pull him closer, and then burrowed his face into Neji’s hair, sighing deeply. Neji couldn’t help smiling at that, and he rubbed his fingers back over Gaara’s head, causing the other man to look up at him before he shifted his whole body, draping one leg over Neji’s, and lowering his face to kiss him, his hand moving up from his chest to move over the side of his face and into his hair. When they broke, Neji looked contentedly up at Gaara through half-lidded eyes. “I’ve never watched someone sleep before. It was nice.”

Neji didn’t answer, just using his hand to pull Gaara back down into another kiss. He may have never had sex with a man before, but he had definitely done his share of kissing. This was something he was confident about, and it seemed to him that kissing was somehow more intimate than sex anyway. He had barely ever kissed Tenten. He didn’t think he could ever get enough of kissing Gaara.

They lay in bed for over an hour, kissing rather innocently for two totally naked men. Neji was hard, and he could feel Gaara’s erection digging into his side. He really wasn’t sure how to handle that, so he just kept kissing Gaara until he suddenly felt a shift in weight and realized the redhead was on top of him completely, moving so their dicks rubbed against each other. Neji gasped in surprise and vague alarm. He would never have thought of that, but it felt wonderful. Gaara didn’t stop kissing him, and it became difficult for Neji to focus on both things. He could feel that there was a hand moving over both of them, pushing the twin erections closer together and making Neji cry out once more. Gaara pulled away slightly, and Neji could feel he had paused. It took him a moment to realize that he was trying to be sure that Neji wasn’t upset.

I can’t believe I cried, now he’ll think I’m a complete baby when it comes to these things.

“Keep…keep going.” He managed, and Gaara suddenly smiled, plunging down once more for another deep kiss that left Neji breathless, his hand continuing to move as he felt himself getting closer and closer. He decided this was the best hand job ever just as he finally came, spurting his juices over both their chests. Gaara finished in a few more strokes, grunting with pleasure as his seed landed on Neji’s chest, mingling with his own.

He collapsed on Neji, sighing contentedly and pressing wet kisses all over Neji’s neck. “Thanks.” He muttered after a long time, rolling off of Neji and leaving him feeling a bit cold and sticky.

“For what?” Neji let out a harsh laugh. “You did all the work.”

“For letting me.” Gaara answered, sitting up and tossing the covers back. “Ready for breakfast?”

“I think I need a bath first.” Neji indicated the half-dry semen on his own chest. Gaara looked down at himself, poking at his own mess with one experimental finger.

“Very well.” He nodded sharply. “We’ll use my bath.”

“We don’t really need to take one together…” Neji paused, thinking of Gaara naked in steaming hot water. “But I guess that would save time. Let’s go.”

They had to put their clothes on first, and Neji couldn’t help feeling like he was doing something he shouldn’t be, walking down the hallway as though everything was normal, like they both hadn’t gotten off only minutes before, following the Kazekage to his private room as he nodded to passing officials and other guests of Sunagakure. He laughed nervously when they finally went into the room, and he glanced up, seeing the bed was a mess. He knew it wasn’t because Gaara had been sleeping in it. This wiped away his glee, and he wondered if Gaara would be able to give up sleeping with anyone he felt like. He was silent as the bath was drawn and they both stripped down again. Neji frowned as he saw some of the mess had gotten on the inside of his shirt. Now he’d have to get it cleaned.

Gaara led him back into the bathroom once they were both naked, and Neji couldn’t help wondering if he let the other people he slept with use this bath. If they had sex in here, or just took a bath together.

“I don’t know if this will work.” Gaara spoke then as Neji stewed in his own thoughts. “I’ve never had a bath with someone else, but it seems to be big enough to me.” That made Neji feel a little better, but he still kept thinking about that messy bed, and it really bothered him. He let Gaara spray himself down first before scrubbing himself a bit and climbing into the tub after him, sitting down opposite from him with his legs pulled up under his chin.

Gaara frowned at this. “You can be over here. What’s the point of being naked together if you’re way over there?”

“The other day, you never really answered my question.” Neji answered, causing Gaara’s frown to deepen.

“Which question?” he wanted to know, leaning his head back slightly as he attempted to relax.

“How many people did you sleep with?” he reminded the other man, who frowned at him in confusion.

“I’ve only slept with you.” Gaara told him as though he thought Neji might have hit his head and gone a bit daft.

“No, not like that. I mean how many have you had sex with?” he wanted to know, annoyed.

“I don’t really keep track.” Gaara answered.

“Estimate.” Neji insisted.

“I don’t know…maybe fifty?” he replied, sounding very weary. “I thought we decided this didn’t matter?”

“When I was sleeping, did you go in here and fuck someone?” Neji pointed out to the main room where the rumpled bed was just visible through the open door.

“No, I told you, I just watched you.” Gaara looked confused. “Why would I want to have sex with someone else when I have you here?”

“Why is your bed all messed up?” Neji pressed, and Gaara leveled a dry look at him.

“Because I had a girl in here the day you showed up.” He answered completely frankly. “I fucked her twice. Is that what you want to know?”

“I’m not just here to live with you, you know.” Neji decided he’d had enough of the bath, he rose to wash out his hair. “I took a month off, and it took me almost a week to get here. What are you going to do when I leave? Just go back to fucking every person you see?”

“What’s the point of this?” Gaara asked, his tone cold. “I had a lot of sex, and so did you. I’m not afraid of you getting back together with Tenten because I’m not right next to you every minute.”

“What if it were Sasuke?” Neji prodded at Gaara’s hot button, and the other man went stiff, his eyes flying open and his hands gripping the sides of the tub so hard he wondered if they’d crack.

“You said you never—“

“I didn’t! I just don’t think it’s fair!” Neji scrubbed the soap through his hair before rinsing it out and combing through the wet strands with his fingers. “You forget me so easy, you can have anyone you want. How can I know any of this means anything to you, that you aren’t just waiting to fuck me?”

“I told you, I can’t forget you.” Gaara rose from the tub, striding toward Neji in a way that seemed oddly predatory. “I always thought of you. If you have to go, you have to go. You’re a ninja, I understand that. You have responsibilities. But if things between us are good, then what reason would I have to turn to other people? Knowing I have you is satisfaction enough. Sex doesn’t mean anything, or I would have had you already.”

“It’s supposed to.” Neji told him, looking down at the shorter man looking at him hungrily. Only then did he realize he’d spent the last five minutes flaunting his hair. Not purposefully, of course, but Gaara looked like he felt it had been very much on purpose.

“Then let’s do it already.” He grabbed Neji’s hands and pinned him against the tiled wall, tilting his head up to capture the surprised man’s lips in a bruising kiss.

Neji wasn’t sure whether he was excited or terrified.

-----

To be continued…
- 7
- 8
- 9
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