Don't You Feel It Too?

Don’t You Feel It Too?
Part 8

Pairings: Kankuro/Kiba/Shino (it’s kinda a love triangle that’s becoming more of a threesome...)

Ratings: PG-13

Warnings: slight drug use (it’s medicinal dude...) and angst seems to be receding, yay (Not much of a warning is it??)

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The first thing that raced through Shino’s mind, after the pounding of a headache, was the fact that he was alone. His room was dark which he was rather thankful for considering the pain he was in. He tried sitting up but he felt weak, his arms shaking from the strain. Collapsing back into his pillow, he sighed angrily. He was so exhausted, both physically and mentally. All he wanted to do was sleep and never wake up, especially not after the humiliation of having a complete breakdown for no apparent reason.

It had been a horrible feeling, sitting there not being able to control anything. It was something so alien to him and it made him want to curl inside himself for eternity. He had shown the ultimate weakness to not only his father but to Kiba, Kankuro ~and~ Tsunade. What if she would not allow him to go on missions anymore, afraid that he would have another episode? If he couldn’t be a ninja for Konoha anymore...~that~ would truly kill him.

The embarrassment of the whole day was threatening to split him at the seams. What had come over him to make him freak out like that? It didn’t make sense to him, probably because he had never experienced anything close to lack of control. Was that the epitome of depression, is that what he was reduced to now? A quivering mass of human anxiety and depression? All because Kankuro did not feel the same way about him?

No, that wasn’t the only reason, that had been the last straw. He had ignored everything in his life until then, the taunts and glares. He had been able to stand the fact that no kids would play with him at recess because he attracted bugs. He was able to block out the screams of the little girls who would run away crying to their mothers. Even when the mothers would stand across the street, yelling at him to take his filthy ~bugs~ elsewhere, he could take it. As he grew older, he became used to it. His dad having explained that people were not very accepting of others who were different.

There were moments though, throughout his childhood where the thick skin he had built would tear. Days when everyone seemed to have a sharp tongue and even crueler words. It was on those days, especially when he was younger, that he would walk home and sit in his room alone. He had never cried about it, never. Sure there was a constant sting deep where he couldn’t reach, but it never truly effected his life. Apparently, it had all settled inside him waiting for the right push to bring every hurt to the surface and break him.

Closing his eyes, desperate to go back to sleep, Shino tried to push all of that away. He felt he deserved at least a moment without emotional torture. It was all in vein though as he heard the door open. The kikai in his body hummed as the other kikai wielder came closer. Shino was mortified to face his father, he felt like a failure and quickly turned onto his side as his father sat on the bed. He heard his dad sigh and felt a hand rest on his back. Shino tensed but refused to acknowledge the mans presence.

“Shino.” He couldn’t help the wince as he heard his name in the quiet room. Not only was he a freak, but he was a failure to his clan, and that hurt more than anything he was suffering from. “There’s no need to cry.” Shino blinked as he felt the tears drip down his face, when had that started? He whimpered lightly as Shibi pulled him onto his back. He was pathetic and he didn’t want his father to see it again.

It was to his surprise that his father didn’t have his own glasses on, his eyes troubled and concerned. He felt his lips tremble as his father gently pushed his tears away. “You’re a good actor Shino to have been in so much pain for so long. No one even expected it. Not even your own clan.” Shino blinked up at his dad feeling so little and weak, he felt useless. “I think you should know something about our clan Shino. Surprising as it sounds, we are prone to depression. Our whole clan suffers from being outcaste to society but we are good at hiding the fact that words are rather harmful for us. No human who has a soul is completely immune to being an emotional punching bag.” Shino moved closer to his father and put his head on the elder’s knee. He felt long fingers run through his hair and he sighed as some of the grief finally seemed to ease. He was not used to his father saying much, if anything at all, but the fact that he was willing to try and make Shino feel better meant the world to him.

“I’m sorry.” Shino couldn’t think of anything else to say. He was mortified of being a disgrace to his father but it was hard to feel that way with the comforting touch and the soft hum of both his and his father kikai.

“Tsunade will be here later, she needs to talk to you. She needs to see if you need medication.” Shino felt his body tense once again at the mention of drugs. It hadn’t even crossed his mind that he may need some sort of pill to help with his depression. The thought of taking a pill to stabilize his psyche was unnerving and a little frightening.

“Can I still be a shinobi?” Shino knew that if his father was aware of anything then he would tell his son. The Aburame clan was after all, known for it’s bluntness. The fingers in his hair stopped immediately and Shino couldn’t help the feeling of dread that seemed to attack from every angle..

“Tsunade will tell us later, but as for right now...you have been released from your duties as a Konoha shinobi. Hokage-sama has asked me to keep you here until there is improvement in your condition.” Shino had never felt empty in his life, the kikai were always there as was his father and recently Kiba too, but the one thing that always kept him stable was training. When everything was concentrated on one move to attack an enemy, then he was safe from everything else. Being relieved of his duty meant he could not train and if he could not train...Shino did not want to think where his mind would go from there. A panic attack seemed light compared to what would happen if he was no longer allowed to practice. “You’re strong son, this will pass quickly and you will be able to go on missions again.” Maybe it was just the way Shino was feeling at that moment but to his own ears, his father did not sound all too sure.

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Kankuro turned on his side to look at the boy next to him. Kiba looked up to the ceiling with a blank expression. They were both laying on Kankuro’s bed both lost in their own thoughts. After having been kicked, ever so nicely, off the Aburame property, they had walked back to the temporary home Kankuro was using and went straight upstairs to the bedroom. They hadn’t spoken a word to one another since they had left Shino’s house. Kankuro gently caressed his lovers cheeks, outlining the prominent red marks of his clan. He heard Akamaru whimper in the corner and sighed. Kiba was lost in deep thought and didn’t even react to the soft touch. Kankuro sat up and stared at the bedroom door.

“He hates me.” Kankuro almost jumped at the sudden interruption to the cold silence. He looked to the Inuzuka and frowned deeply.

“Shino could never hate you Kiba, you know that. You’re his best friend.” Kiba looked over to Kankuro, a sudden angry flame in his eyes.

“That’s exactly ~why~ he hates me! How could I do something like that to him? I basically set him up for a mental breakdown!” Kankuro sighed and rubbed his forehead to fend off the pending headache that threatened.

“It’s not your fault that Shino broke down, Shit, it’s not ~anyone’s~ fault. Trust me, he would not hate you. You tried to help him which is a hell of a lot more then most people have done for him.” Kiba growled and jumped off the bed beginning to pace back and forth.

“How can you say that?! I have been nothing but cruel to him without even realizing it! I’m a horrible friend...” Kankuro loved Kiba with all his heart but at the moment he wanted to strangle the other boy. He stood up and quickly locked Kiba in a tight embrace.

“Kiba listen to me, Shino will ~never~ hate you. Trust me on this. Look Shino is really screwed up right now, it happens sometimes. The kid has never felt love before except from his dad, and ...well you. No one else has ever looked at him like he was anything more than scum. It just finally seemed to catch up with him. Of course if anyone’s to really blame, it would be me. I didn’t actually handle any of it well.” Kiba looked up at Kankuro for a minute then broke away from him to sit on the bed again.

“It’s not fair, Shino’s....special. He was around for me when no one else had the patience to be, even if he was annoyed as shit with me. Now the one time I could possibly help him, I end up causing a chain reaction to a fucking panic attack. I mean did you see the look on Shibi’s face? He was beyond angry, I mean I’ve seen an Aburame angry but nothing could compare to that look.” Kiba took a deep breath and looked up to Kankuro, his eyes giving away how devastated he felt. “What if I never get the chance to apologize Kankuro?” Kankuro sat next to Kiba and wrapped an arm around him, letting the younger boy lean against him.

“You’ll be able to see him again soon, don’t worry, Shino will pull through this. I never knew that kid to give up and I certainly don’t expect him to now.” Kiba seemed to relax slightly, leaning on his lovers shoulder. Kankuro on the other hand was a jumble of emotions he just couldn’t figure out. He needed to think and he, not Kiba, needed to think of a way to apologize.

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Tsunade read over the report slowly engraving every detail into memory. The issue with Shino was taking up most of her waking hours. Depression for a ninja was quite severe and could cost lives if not taken care of immediately. That, or she would have no choice but to permanently release Shino from his rank.

Growling slightly she slammed the report down and turned to look out the giant picture window. What Shibi had told her painted a rather lonely picture for the Aburame clan. Of course that was the way of life and most of the clan were able to deal with it through the help of others. As it seemed though, the generation that Shino grew up with was rather devastating. Most of the rookie nine had suffered in one way or another, whether it had been bugs or eating habits, only being able to fight using taijutsu, or having a demon sealed in their body. At one time or another they had all suffered depression, luckily though they had always gotten through it. Shino on the other hand had not suffered any real depression as a child, he had excepted what was going on as his own fate. He ~never~ spoke of his feelings and that was partly the reason he had broken so completely.

The Hokage glared at rising sun, having spent all night trying to figure out what needed to be done. To give a shinobi anti-depressants was dangerous enough but without knowing how the kikai would act was still an issue. She could very well kill the boy with any type of drug if his body rejected the medicine. The Aburame clan was a strong clan, dangerous in their power, but also rather difficult to understand. They all stayed generally around the clan members making it hard to know much, if any, medical practices that could be performed.

It had been a sad sight when the Hokage had walked into that boys room. His father holding his shaking form and trying to calm him. Shino had been rather unresponsive at first but had slowly come around. Tsunade hadn’t been able to question him though as he still seemed to be lost in his own emotions. A quick sedative was given, already knowing that would not harm him, and Tsunade had left telling Shibi she’d be back to question the boy. She was determined to find out just where the source of all the damage lay in the kikai master. If she could find that then maybe getting rid of the cause could help downplay the depression enough so he could once again focus on missions.

Tsunade stood from her desk and made her way to the door. She remembered Shino mumbling something about the Inuzuka, hopefully he could fill her in on what was going on. That was, she would ask the Inuzuka after she found a decent medicine.

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Kankuro frowned as he heard a knock at the front door. Kiba was asleep on the bed, having been emotionally drained. Carefully as to not wake up his lover he sat up and quickly went to the door. When he saw who was there he couldn’t help but blink with confusion.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Shikamaru seemed to want to glare but didn’t have the will to do so. He waved a hand in the laziest manner possible.

“Hokage-sama wants to see Kiba, she’s at Shino’s house.” Kankuro glared and rolled his eyes.

“What the fuck are you talking about? Shibi has told us to never go near his precious baby boy ever again, you were ~there~ when he said it.” Even as he said it he could feel his rage boil, but it wasn’t at Shino or Shikamaru, not even the Hokage. No, he was mad at himself. Shino had suffered something unbelievably traumatic and here he was, being an asshole about it.

“My mission was to get Kiba; not explain anything to you. I figured he’d be here considering your relationship. So stop being a troublesome moron and go get him.” Kankuro wanted to punch the genius in the face for being so nonchalant about basically everything. He didn’t care if Temari had a crush on him or not

“Kanky, stop fighting with the locals. I’ll go Shikamaru.” The chunin nodded and stepped away from the door. Kiba nodded and with Akamaru walked past Kankuro, kissing him on the way out. “I’ll let you know what happens.” Kankuro nodded and watched as his lover followed Shikamaru toward Shino’s place.

Being alone was probably not the best thing for him at the moment. Not only did he feel like a complete and total asshole, but he also felt hurt. Like he had caused this all himself. How was he going to make this right when he couldn’t possibly be with Shino? Not only that, but even if he could get with Shino without hurting anyone in the process, who said that being with Kankuro would make everything better? There was some serious emotional issues to be dealt with and Kankuro didn’t even know where to start.

“Fuck Kiba, I hope you find out ~something~ for his sake...”

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Kiba ran behind Shikamaru, heart and stomach in knots. If he was able to see Shino, what the hell would he say? ‘Oh yeah sorry I made you have a panic attack, want to go out for lunch later?’ Seriously, who was he kidding. Shino would probably take one look at him and freak out again. That or he’d just lean over and punch Kiba in the face. Either idea made Kiba want to throw up. As they got closer to Shino’s home he could feel his nerves jitter and his forehead begin to sweat.

Reaching the house, it was a miracle in itself that Kiba didn’t turn tail and run. He was so scared Shino would hate him. He jumped when a hand landed on his shoulder trying to bite it out of reflex. Luckily Shikamaru was a fast ninja and he quickly pulled his hand back. Rolling his eyes he yawned slightly.

“You can go inside, Hokage-sama is waiting.” Kiba nodded and quickly walked into the house, forcing one foot to go in front of the other. Inside the living room sat Tsunade and Shibi. They sat there and looked as Kiba walked in. He opened his mouth to say something, anything really but was silenced by Tsunade’s hand.

“Shibi has told me what Shino has been feeling for Kankuro as of late. What exactly happened yesterday?” Kiba bit his lip trying to think of how to word what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell them it was his fault but that he hadn’t meant to be malicious. He had wanted to ~help~ Shino, not make it worse! “Did you come here last night with Kankuro to hurt Shino?” Kiba’s eyes snapped over to Tsunade as he was accused.

“What?! No! I wanted to help him! He’s in love with Kankuro, I didn’t mean to hurt him, I wanted to talk everything through so no one would be hurt! He’s my best friend, I wanted him to feel better. He seemed to be ok before I brought Kankuro inside. Shino actually seemed rather happy when we were done talking.” Kiba could feel his face glow red with embarrassment and slight anger. Why were they accusing him of being such an awful human being? He hadn’t meant to cause Shino more distress and when he was in the room, just the two of them, it was fine.

“Please stop.” All three people in the livingroom turned quickly to see Shino at the top of the stairs. His glasses and coat were on and he was frowning. “Leave him alone, he didn’t do anything wrong.” Shino walked down the stairs, not half as graceful as he usually was but he managed. Kiba had never seen anything more beautiful then his friend at that moment.

“Shino!” Kiba ran over to the other boy and hugged him tightly. He was pleasantly surprised when it was returned, though not as roughly.

“It’s ok Kiba. Please dad, leave him alone. This is my problem, neither him nor Kankuro did anything.” Kiba had to admit, while he was glad Shino was acting ok, it seemed to be just that, an act. Pulling away from the slightly taller boy he looked at him in concern. Tsunade was next to Shino in a moment.

“Don’t even try it. Your not going to get back to training until I ~know~ your seriously ok. It would be to dangerous to send you anywhere the way you are right now.” Kiba bit his lip and watched as Shino’s eyebrows lowered in a glare.

“Uh hey wait a sec. How about if Shino doesn’t go on any missions now, but you know, he can train....with me?” Tsunade looked curiously at Kiba, more than likely trying to see an ulterior motive to his request. Kiba sighed dramatically and turned to Shibi. “C’mon Mr.Aburame! Let him train with me it’ll keep his mind on something other than...well all that crap that’s been eating away at him.” Of course he probably shouldn’t have said it in those words as he was glared at by everyone in the room, but it seemed to work. Shibi looked at Shino who nodded once. Shibi sighed but looked to Tsunade.

“I think that might work, I’ll keep an eye on him and tell you if anything comes up.” Tsunade didn’t look thrilled by the idea but nodded.

“Alright, but if anything should go wrong and anyone bangs on my door again rushing me over here, then you are in deep shit.” Kiba gulped and nodded as the Hokage quickly left. Kiba turned back to Shino who nodded.

“Thank you Kiba.” Kiba grinned and winked.

“Don’t mention it, so you in the mood to spar for a bit?” Shibi looked ready to protest but Shino nodded.

“Yes.” Kiba grinned and ran out of the house. Akamaru yelping as he was tackled to the ground by his excited master.

“Come on boy we got a sparring session!”

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Shino watched as Kiba ran outside in a fit of joy.

“Shino.” Shino looked up at his father and nodded. Shibi sighed and put a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Just be careful, there is still a chance that you’ll have to take those pills...” Shino looked at his dad then down at the floor. It was hard watching his dad trip over words like having a mentally disturbed son wasn’t enough.

“I’ll be ok.” Shibi nodded and stepped aside to let Shino past. Shino walked out the door and came to a sudden stop when he saw Kankuro outside with Kiba. Kiba looked nervous as he gently pushed at Kankuro’s arm, trying to get him to leave. Kankuro shook Kiba off gently and walked towards Shino slowly as to not scare him. Shino stood a little straighter, he didn’t feel any kind of panic just a dark hole that seemed to sit still in his chest. Shino was mildly surprised that it didn’t seem to widen any. Maybe the trial medication he was given by the Hokage was working. He nodded as the older boy stopped about 2 feet away. “Kankuro.”

“How ya feeling?” Shino shrugged and shook his head, a small sad smile coming to his lips.

“I feel like an invalid, I’m going to be forever known as a mental case who can’t go on missions. If that’s better then complete panic then I guess I feel better.” Kankuro frowned deeply as Shino went to walk past him. Kiba was suddenly in front of Shino blocking his path.

“Hold on man, Tsunade said that she needed to see if you were ok before you could go on any missions, she didn’t say anything about forever keeping you away from them.” Shino nodded and looked in the direction of the Hokage building.

“She gave me a medication that shouldn’t react badly with the kikai. Do you really think if I have to stay on these meds that I’ll ever be able to go on a mission? It’s just a way to make everyone feel a little better about the situation.” Kiba looked at Shino wide eyed then turned to his lover who had a blank look in his eyes.

“Y-you can’t be serious! I mean your one of the best in Konoha!” The Aburame shook his head while that same sad smile graced his lips, just visible over the collar.

“Kiba, there’s something wrong with me emotionally, Tsunade said I have clinical depression which was genetically passed down to me. Most of the clan only has it for a short time so she thinks it’ll pass but I’ll need medication to help it. She told me that even if I do seem better in a short time, she’ll watch me to make sure I can perform missions. Basically I won’t be able to take missions for...it can take years if the depression lasts long enough.” Kiba looked like he had swallowed something extremely foul as he began to pace back and forth. Kankuro still had that blank expression on his face.

“That’s horseshit! You’ll be fine in no time! I’ll help you and so will Kankuro!” Shino shook his head and was going to protest greatly until Kankuro took Shino’s hand in his own. Kiba and Shino looked at Kankuro in absolute confusion and surprise. Kankuro wasn’t looking at either boy and if Shino didn’t know any better he’d say Kankuro was ~blushing~.

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Kankuro had no idea what he was doing but it seemed like the perfect thing to do at the time. He couldn’t explain why he suddenly felt so shy just by holding the other boys hand but it was intense. Ignoring the two odd looks he knew the others were giving him he slowly rubbed his thumb over Shino’s skin, soft and pale, absolutely beautiful. He sighed mentally, he wanted to apologize for everything he had done, he wanted things to be like they used to be. He wanted the time when Shino wasn’t afraid to ask for a spar, when the Aburame was indifferent but always loyal. He wanted the Shino who would never talk like it was the end of everything. He wanted Kiba’s best friend, he wanted ~their~ Shino instead of this shell.

Kankuro was a man of action, never really having the most articulate vocabulary. That was when he put all his wants and apologies into one action. Leaning down slightly, he lifted the hand that now lay in his own, up slightly only to press his lips against the warm skin. He heard a gasp and wasn’t sure who it came from but as he looked into dark glasses he lifted his lips.

“Forgive me.” Shino stood still as a statue while Kiba was rather slack-jawed in awe. Kankuro nodded slightly as the pale hand slid from his own tanned one, fingers brushing over each other gently. “If you can that is. I’ve hurt you in a lot of ways and I’d do anything for you to forgive me.”

Coming out of his shell shocked position Shino lifted his hand to his chest as if he’d been burned. Kankuro frowned but nodded. “Look if you can’t or won’t that’s fine but...” Kankuro was interrupted by a soft whisper.

“Thank you.” Kankuro looked at Shino and saw a small smile curl on thin lips, not the sad, defeated smile, but a real, warm smile. It seemed to have the power to melt Kankuro into a puddle. “I never blamed you, but thank you.” Kankuro nodded and turned to Kiba who was smiling brightly, his eyes looked slightly glassy with tears but none formed. Suddenly Kiba shook his head and wiped a hand over his face.

“Well Shino, ya ready to spar or what?” Shino nodded slightly and stood back into a defensive position. Kankuro moved back and sat on the lawn to watch. “Yo Shino, If I win you get to buy lunch right?” Kankuro watched as Shino laughed softly.

“Ok.” Kankuro watched as they began their fight. Maybe he was wrong, maybe things were starting to look up. As he watched Kiba fall onto his ass, Kankuro figured for once, he’d just stop trying to predict the future.

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TBC

Yeah so while this chappie is kinda long, I figured it worked out for the best.
I also just figured I’d let everyone know that I adore Shino so I am determined to make this happy
I don’t know bout you guys but I’m feeling a bit of a Kankuro/Kiba/Shino vibe, what do ya think?