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Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Ho, ho, ho.... The witches
of crack is back...

Enjoy...
************* Chapter 8 ************

Oh he couldn�t.

He just absolutely couldn�t and wouldn�t
and what sort of jutsu was he under to make him think of such an idea?!

Iruka clutched the little note tighter
to his chest and glanced around his own apartment like he was being spied upon.
It had been two weeks since the little letters started and the chuunin, in a
stroke of stupidity, had decided to answer back. He was only playing of course,
thinking that the culprit was just kidding.

The brunette looked at the stupid poem
again, chewing at his lip.

�Bed rails made of silver and brass,
This Queen of uke takes it up the
ass.
Orgasm aftershocks made of gold,
Helping you reach your own
threshold.�

The school teacher thought it sounded
okay; actually he was just glad he had made it rhyme. It was late. Iruka figured
that whoever it was always left the candy for him in the very early morning when
everyone else was asleep.

He took in a deep breath and opened the
door.

Only to slam it back shut.

No! He just couldn�t write something so
lewd! It wasn�t in him to joke like this!

But then again�if whoever it was thought
he knew who they were�then maybe they�d stop. It was starting to get very
annoying watching a pile of heart shaped boxes filled with chocolate pile up
because he didn�t want to eat them and get fat.

If he were being completely honest with
himself, Iruka would admit that he just wanted to see what would happen if his
little admirer knew that he could be dirty too if he wanted. The chuunin took in
a deep breath and held it as he shut his eyes and flung open the door. He
slapped the sticky note where the box of chocolates were usually leaned against
and went back inside.

He locked the door twice.

As much as he hated to admit it, that
last poem he had gotten just begged for a response.

�Your blush will shine,
Your voice will wail,
You�ll scream that you�re mine,
Once I get a hold of that tail.�

Psh, as if Iruka was that easy. Just ask
Genma. That man had been trying to woo the school teacher since they were
children. The small chuunin sighed and rubbed at his scar in embarrassment
before running off to bed and jumping under the covers, hiding from the world.

It was the first time he hadn�t fallen
asleep in tears thinking about Jiraiya.


*********************

Said toad sage stood on Iruka�s front
pouch a few hours later, a heart-shaped box with poem in one hand and another
note in the other.

He blushed.

He, Jiraiya-sama, creator and writer of
the Icha Icha collection and movies (all rights reserved), noted pervert, patron
God of lecherous deeds and thoughts�actually blushed at a silly rhyme a school
teacher made up.

The sannin grinned in a feral manner and
dropped the chocolates. If his little princess was going to act in such a sexy
fashion...then he�d make sure Iruka was dressed to match.

He left his little gifts and decided to
head over to the nearby village where he knew there was a store with clothes
that would fit the tanned Chuunin just wonderfully. Just the thought of Iruka in
a nurse-suit, or a cat-suit made the sannin drool. Ohh, this was going to be so
much fun.

He had to hurry if he was to make there
and back today. And tomorrow he would give the first of many sexy outfits for
the very, very sexy Queen of uke.

*********************

Iruka felt a shiver go down his spine. A
feeling of doom hit him like a tidal wave. He could feel it deep inside his
stomach that something very bad would happen.

�Iruka-sensei?� Naruto�s voice broke
through his ominous thoughts and Iruka looked to see his young charge look at
him with worry in his blue eyes.

�Sorry, Naruto, I just spaced out again
didn�t I?� Iruka goofily grinned and the blond boy nodded. �Well, I just have a
lot to think about,� he said and hoped the boy would buy it. He didn�t want to
explain the ominous feeling he just felt. Naruto was worried enough as it was
for his teacher/mother-person.

�So are we going for ramen today
kaasan?� asked Naruto not even aware of calling his former teacher with such a
manner.

Iruka just smiled and ruffled the boy�s
blond tresses. He really didn�t mind being called mother. He had always been a
mother hen type of person, especially for Naruto.

�Of course son, come on, lets go right
now and we�ll be there just in time for a ramen breakfast,� the Chuunin said and
felt his heart melt just a little bit when the boy�s face split up in a wolfish
fox-grin.

*********************

�Dear Sir, may I help you?� asked the
petite looking man as Jiraiya looked around the shop.

Jiraiya just hoped that he wasn�t
drooling, not just yet. He had just stepped into the kinkiest store of all the
lands, or at least he felt like it. He was happy to see that the store was a
store with taste � seeing that his books were on the display behind the disk
plus he had seen the latest copy in the display window.

�Yes, I have a young man that I want
to�. surprise� with a series of dress up costumes, if you know what I mean� and
money is no object,� Jiraiya hinted with a wide smile.

The feminine man shined up and nodded
eagerly as he quickly showed the way towards their clothing-department.

�We are very proud to be the single
largest store in Wind, Fire and Snow-country that has these kinds of costumes,�
the man said. �Are there something special my Lord seeks?�

�First of all; a nurse�s outfit. With a
very short skirt of course,� Jiraiya said as he licked his lips.

�Of course,� the man answered back and
showed Jiraiya a variety of outfits. Black, dark blue, white, pink, and a really
sinful red one.

But Jiraiya wanted the white one. That
would go perfect with Iruka�s tanned skin. But so would the dark blue, but in
the end he decided that the white would be the one to send to his little hime.

�Something else my Lord would want?�

Jiraiya thought about it. Of course a
French maid outfit would work wonders on the Chuunin as well and asked to be
shown a couple of those too as well. He found one that was black and white.
�I really go with the normal colours�� he frowned a bit as he tapped his
chin. Now for that other thing he had been thinking about.

�And very tight cat-suit, with a tail
and ears to go with it,� Jiraiya said.

�What kind of cat? We have panther,
leopard, cheetah, lynx, bobcat, mountain lion and lion,� the man answered.

�Oh dear Gods�� the sannin muttered.
�Save my black little soul.�


*******************

It had been a month since the wedding
had been called off.

People still whispered when Iruka passed
him, but not much now. Everything that could have been said had already been
heard, so the rumours died down and quieted eventually.

The chuunin still had his engagement
ring. He had left it by his bedside table and held it while he slept. That
morning when he woke up, Iruka accepted that Jiraiya wasn�t coming back for him,
riding in on a white stallion and put the ring back in its box and hid it in the
back of his closet.

The other shinobi instantly picked up on
the brunette�s mood as the smaller man entered the mission�s office.

Iruka took his place behind his desk,
humming softly to himself while filing reports already given in.

Immediately the jounins Asuma, Genma,
and Raido huddled together for a conference call. An hour later and they were
joined by Gai, Kakashi, and Ibiki. The interrogations master was there as an
unwilling consult.

�So?� Genma said anxiously, prodding the
scarred officer with his senbon.

Ibiki scowled and Genma stopped being so
demanding very fast. The bear-like jounin stared at Iruka intently, watching the
way the small nin moved and smiled and spoke, reading all the little signs
normal people would miss. And he would admit that his dark gaze lingered a long
on the chuunin�s pouting lips.

Ibiki shrugged. �He seems fine. His
relaxed posing suggests that he�s gotten over his depression and obsessive
working habits and is nearly back to normal.�

Raido did a little jig, much to the
officer�s displeasure.

Kakashi clapped his hands together.
�Alright, we need a game plan!�

�We�ve been out manoeuvred dear
friends!� Gai said suddenly, looking over to Iruka.

The jounins swivelled their heads around
to spy Asuma already flirting with the petite brunette.

�Traitor!� Kakashi and Raido growled as
one.

Genma shed a small tear with Gai.

The chuunin blushed when the bearded
shinobi leaned into his personal space. �Come on Iru-chan�I know you enjoyed
yourself last time.�

Iruka went bright red and glanced away,
rubbing his scar. �Well y-yes Asuma-san�but that�s not appropriate right now.�

�Have dinner with me and we can discuss
proper work place etiquette then.�

The smaller man�s blush doubled when the
jounin drew his finger over his cheek, brushing away a stray strand of dark
brown hair. Asuma�s hand drifted down to touch the school teacher�s neck, just
at the pulse point, knowing it was a sensitive place for the brunette.

Iruka shuddered just slightly and his
eyes drooped. �A-Asuma-san�.�

Asuma grinned and moved in closer,
softly pinning the chuunin between his body and the desk. �What do you say
Iru-chan? I�ll let you ride me�I know how you like that.�

The brunette pulled back and snarled,
slapping the offending hand away. �Asuma!!! That is NOT appropriate!�

The burly jounin backed up in surprise,
so sure that he had been about to score. �But�but!�

Iruka climbed over to the other side of
his desk, fuming and blushing angrily. �No butts for you! And besides, that was
back when you had the body to attract me!�

Asuma�s jaw dropped. �I have a six
pack�it�s just in stealth mode right now!!!�

Iruka just let out a roar making Asuma
back away. �You stupid, hentai-ninja � I will not do such vile things!! Get over
yourself!!�

Ibiki raised a scarred eyebrow, perhaps
the Chuunin hadn�t gotten over everything just yet. But he had to admit that it
seriously looked as if Iruka had gotten over most parts of the disaster that had
struck his life.

*******************

Jiraiya ripped his white hair. He had
managed to cut down the choices of cat-suits to three. Panther, Lynx, and
Leopard. He wanted two so he needed to remove one of them� but which one???

�Dear Sir, if you would describe the
person you want to give this too I might be able to help,� the friendly
store-worker said with a soft smile.

�Well, he�s a princess, the super-uke.
He got a wonderful and yet dangerous temperament, chocolate-eyes� he�s just the
best mother hen you can find.�

The man�s eyes widened. Where the heck
did you find a man like that? And why had he missed such a man??

�Well, Leopards are known to be very
fierce and protective mothers and Lynx are a cat that can survive in the coldest
of weathers.�

�Ok, then Leopard and Lynx it is. Wrap
them up in different boxes and do the same with the nurse-suits and the
maid-suits as well. And I want you to send them to this address. But not all at
the same time. No, send one each day.� Jiraiya explained and gave the man a
little note with Iruka�s address.

But there was a gleam in the man�s eyes
that made Jiraiya very suspicious. So he decided that attack was best defence.

�And if I see you sniff around my hime�s
house I will make sure that you never receive another copy of Icha, Icha
Paradise again,� Jiraiya said making the man gasp in horror. �Yes, that�s right.
I am the man that writes them. But�. if you do this for me I will make sure that
you will have the first manuscript on my next book�.�

The man gaped.

�Just think about it� you will be the
only one that sells the latest novel of the great Jiraiya-sama.�

The man gulped again. He took down one
of the novels and looked at the picture of the writer and indeed, he did have
the great toad-sannin right in front of him.

�Of course Jiraiya-sama, we will make
sure that the gifts arrive just as you have asked us.�

�Good, now, about the price�.�

*******************

Sunday mornings was the best. Iruka
could just do what ever he wanted and this Sunday he wanted to lie just a little
bit longer in bed.

That would have been the case unless
there was a very nasty banging on his front door. He growled darkly and found
his red satin robe and put it on.

�Who on earth would come and visit at
such un-godly hour?� he snarled as he put on his slippers and went to answer the
door.

To his surprise, there was no one there
when he finally opened the door. But leaning against the wall just next to his
feet was a large white box with no printing on it. A note was attached and Iruka
bent to pick it and the package up, looking around to see if anyone could
explain what it was.

Could it be from his secret admirer?

The chuunin stared at the box and set it
down on his coffee table before going to make some tea. He had a feeling he�d
need to be calm upon discovering what his gift was.

�Your ass is mine,
Don�t waste your time,
Figuring out this pointless rhyme.�

Iruka nearly choked on his tea after
sitting back down to read the little note.

�Well that was vulgar,� he said, wiping
the back of his hand across his mouth.

Now he was more than hesitant to open
the present. The brunette sipped and glared at the box, narrowing his eyes like
he was staring down a particularly lecherous jounin.

The package did nothing.

He finally sighed to himself and set his
cup down, bringing the gift into his lap as he looked it over. Curiosity
overcame him and he slipped aside the bright red ribbon and opened the gift
carefully, tossing the lid back on the table. He stared for a good long while at
the black feather-duster and dark heels sitting over the white padding paper,
wondering if he had the courage to look any farther.

Iruka sighed and then groaned, slowly
pulling out each article of clothing and setting them on the table for closer
inspection.

There was a black corset-dress, with a
white slip skirt high enough so that his thighs would be revealed if he so chose
to wear it and a black skirt attachment to go around it; there was a small white
apron to go around his waist; a lacy white cloth collar; white gloves and
thigh-high, see-through black stockings; a matching black garter belt; and lacy
hot pink panties with far too many frills on it; then there was a little white
cloth cap to wrap around his hair.

The school teacher stared at the items
for a few long minutes before he realized he definitely needed to go back to bed
and pretend this never happened. The brunette stood up and rolled his eyes at
the racy items, slowly looking them over once more.

�well�if his admirer wanted to play�
Really it would be rude not to comply with the kinky little dress.

Iruka blushed darkly and flicked his
gaze around the room.

He didn�t know what about this mystery
person just made him want to�step out of his usual routine. His admirer made him
want to�do this. Naughty things, Just to see the reaction it provoked.

The school teacher grinned bashfully and
let his gaze fall back to the dress. He�d teach this pervert�or treat him.

He blushed again.

That night, after Iruka had taken Naruto
out for ramen and graded his students� papers, he went around his apartment,
locking everything and shutting the curtains tightly. If he was going to go
through with this, then he wanted to make sure no one was watching.

The petite shinobi locked himself in his
bedroom and lit some candles, placing them so they�d provided enough light for
what he wanted. He glanced at the fetish maid�s outfit, chewing his full bottom
lip and steeling his resolve.

He was dressed a few minutes later and
stared at himself in the mirror hanging on his closet door.

Iruka tugged lightly on the panty hose.
He was never one for cross-dressing really. It didn�t appeal to him beyond just
being funny. But he had to admit as he looked at himself from the back�.

He was damn sexy.

The brunette straightened his skirt and
brushed out a few wrinkles. �Okay�time to do it.�

His hands flew through the familiar
seals and with a burst of chakra a clone had appeared at his side. He was
dressed in the normal shinobi gear, minus the vest and weapons.

�This�are you sure?� the clone said.

The chuunin shook his head furiously.
�Don�t say anything to talk me out of it! I just want to do this and never think
about it again.�

The clone gave a grin not so unlike
Anko. �I think we look hot.�

�Just get the camera!� Iruka snapped,
climbing onto the bed.

*************

Jiraiya watched from a very safe
distance how Iruka placed a little box next to his doorstep and once the Chuunin
had closed the door; the sannin had a little summoned frog gather it for him.
Surely the little box was for him.

What the great Sannin missed as the
bronze skinned teacher closed the front door was a very diabolic smile on that
scarred-nosed face.

Jiraiya came down from his high hiding
place and waited for the little frog to appear. And it didn�t take very long. He
took the box from the frog which the next second turned into a little pillar of
smoke.

�Now let�s see what my little princess
has given me..?� Jiraiya said as he licked his lips. He opened the box and
looked inside.

�Ehh? What�s this?� Jiraiya said as he
found another little box.

He plucked the little box from the
larger box and opened it.

And found another little box.

He plucked out the smaller box and
opened it and found yet another little box.

�ARRRRGHHH!!� Jiraiya screamed in
frustration.

It would be two more boxes he had to go
through before he got a clue. A little piece of paper and Jiraiya read:

�Do not think I�m easy.

Or even cheesy.

If you really want me.

If you really love me�

If you really want to watch me�

You might find something good�

It�s sculptured like a cat�

In a little piece of wood.�

�Ehhh?? What�s this?? I�m supposed to
look for a tree-sculptured cat??� Jiraiya tore his white hair.

But in a spirit worth the great green
beast (a.k.a. Maito Gai), Jiraiya pumped his fist into the air and screamed YOSH
and was off to find a cat sculpture in the form of a cat.

*********

Uchiha Sasuke rubbed the sleep from his
eyes as he heard someone poke around in his garden. It was an odd sound and as
soon he realized that there was an intruder on his domain he grabbed his weapons
and headed out.

The sight he was met with was not one of
the ordinary kind. There in his garden was a white hair creep moving around and
this very creep was beheading every piece of cat-statue that the Uchiha-compound
had.

Sasuke recognized the white haired creep
to be the very same that had been training his eternal rival and the very same
that was supposed to have married his former academy teacher. But what the fuck
was he doing in Sasuke�s garden?

�Hey!!� Sasuke called out as he let the
Sharingan-wheel be known.

�Where is it?� the toad sannin yelled as
he removed the head on another cat-statue.

�Where�s what?�

�The message!!�

�The message?�

�Yes, the message from Iruka-chan, where
is it?!�

Sasuke blinked once and he blinked
twice.

�What message?�

�I was told it was hidden in a cat
sculpture and the Uchiha�s are the only family in Konoha that has been obsessed
with cat-sculptures, so where is it!!???�

Sasuke blinked again.

�Where, please tell me where!!�
Jiraiya�s eyes went wide and puppy-eyed.

�And you�re stupid!� Sasuke snorted and
tucked away the kunai in his hand.

Without saying anything else the last
hair to the Uchiha-throne ventured out on the other side of his house towards
his mailbox. Behind him trailed a very down looking sannin. It annoyed the
Uchiha but he would put up with it as long as he just walked there to get off
his property.

Sasuke opened his mailbox and found a
little wooden figurine. A figurine made out to be a cat. A cat with a head that
you could screw off.

Which Sasuke did and inside there was a
few rolled up pictures.

�GHAAAAAA!!!� Sasuke�s scream
echoed over the village. And then: �I�m blind, I�m blind!�

Sasuke threw the pictures into the air
and ran into the house hoping that he could run away from the images that
suddenly had been burnt into his mind.

The pictures were not wasted. Oh no �
Jiraiya was there to pick them up and drool was spilt on the Uchiha soil. �I
just knew the suit was right for my little dolly.�

The sannin was already thinking of what
else he�d like to send to his little princess to put to use. But first�he cast a
glance to the sides. He had a large problem to deal with. His dark eyes flicked
back to the photos in his hand before he took off to find somewhere more private
to attend to his sudden erection.

He figured the Uchiha boy had had enough
excitement today. Seeing the aged sannin�s huge cock might scar him even deeper.
Jiraiya smirked, there wasn�t a doubt in his mind that once Sasuke got over the
shock of seeing his former sensei in such lavish poses, he�d have the same
problem as the sannin did.

                                            *********************

Iruka watched everyone he came in
contact with very carefully.

Surely his secret admirer was someone he
knew. Maybe someone he saw everyday. He could be staring at him right now and
not even know it.

The chuunin blinked at the overly large
Choza.

Okay, maybe not exactly right now.

Choza smiled merrily and waved his hand
at the smaller shinobi as he left Iruka�s desk, new mission in hand with a bag
of chips in the other. The school teacher nodded to the next ninja in line,
handing out the proper scrolls and checking names off his list.

The usual suspects were gathered in the
large office, though why this was their chosen meeting place was still rather a
mystery to the brunette.

He glanced at Genma from the corner of
his large brown eyes. No one had given Iruka a longer look than normal that he
had noticed, but then again, he was only a chuunin. Still, if one of the men
here was responsible for the little love notes and had gotten his package of
photos, then they�d be acting strangely wouldn�t they?

Iruka�s eyes went wide.

Oh good gods, what if his admirer hadn�t
figured out his clue?

What if Sasuke had found the photos
instead?!?!

The school teacher went a few shades of
furious red. If such a thing ha d happened, there was no way he�d be able to
live it down, no matter what.

�What have I done???�
he groaned silently as he mentally tore his hair from his head. This was bad,
this was really, really bad. Beyond bad. It was�

Shit, the poor child would probably
roast him with Katon Goukakyuu no Jutsu. Iruka would turn out more than well
done. He would be just a pile of ash blowing away in the gentle breeze. Or the
young man would tell his demon squad of screaming banshees, Iruka would be as
good as dead if they got their paws on the poor teacher.

But as the day passed, nothing happened.
The young Uchiha-heir never showed up nor had Iruka gotten any strange death
threats from the ice-prince�s fan-girl squad. And as the Chuunin teacher
ventured home he could feel somewhat liberated.

That was until he reached his home and
saw the last Uchiha sit on his doorstep.

Gulp!

�Sasuke-kun?� Iruka squeaked out.

�Sensei,� came the soft reply from the
boy.

�C-can I help you?�

The black eyed boy looked up and Iruka
got the feeling he should run for his life now. If only for the sake of NOT
ending up with a sore ass.

�It took me awhile�� Sasuke began as he
rose to his feet.

Silence.

Iruka felt that he wanted to fidget but
he kept his posture.

Silence.

Then Iruka couldn�t keep quiet.

�What t-took you awhile S-Sasuke-kun?�

�At first I thought it was disturbing��
the raven haired youngster began and smirked when he saw his tanned teacher pale
noticeable.

�Oh, no� he saw the pictures�!!�
Iruka just wished that he could be swallowed up by the earth now.

�But then once I calmed down I got
excited again�� the voice of eminent doom said.

Gulp!

�You know sensei� you look really good
when you want to,� the stuck up youth said with a smirk.

�Kill me now��

**************

�Oh no!! Iruka-kaasan is in trouble�.
Uzumaki, Naruto to the rescue!!� the blond haired boy whispered to himself and
ran out from the bushes nearby Iruka�s apartment. �I can�t let that
mini-weasel get his hands on my mommy!!�

�OI!!! Sasuke!!!� Naruto screamed as he
rushed forward waving his arms around.

Iruka felt his heart drop down to his
stomach in relief when he heard Naruto�s voice echo over the area. He looked up
and saw the blond boy run towards them.

�Sasuke!! Sakura-chan is looking for
you!!� Naruto continued to yell.

Iruka didn�t miss the dark look that
flashed over the Uchiha�s pale face. The boy was furious.

�Let her continue to look,� Sasuke
snorted.

�She said that she had some information
on a certain nail-painted bastard!!� Naruto just thought out the lie from mid
air and he hoped that Sasuke would catch on.

Sasuke�s brows furrowed. What was the
dobe talking about?

�Come on!! She said it was urgent. It
was about a creepy two legged shark-boy and his weasel!� Naruto pushed on.

Sasuke�s eyes widened and before Iruka
was able to blink the lustful Uchiha was gone in a flash.

But not before leaving behind the
whisper against the brunette�s ear, �I�ll come back for you naughty-sensei.�

T B C

**************************
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