Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Colourless Vanity	By : Cepheus Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1743 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Approach
- 2-Offer
- 3-Understand
- 4-Departure
- 5-Meeting
- 6-Truth
- 7-Control
- 8-Burning
- 9-Observing
- 10-Forming
- 11-Forcing
- 12-Portraying
- 13-Organizing
- 14-Honing
- 15-Entering
- 16-Bruising
- 17-Admitting
- 7
- 8
- 9
Edited: 24/09/2014
Thanks for the reviews, I love you all!
Cepheus: soon enough, the missions will start and you’ll see some actual plot.
As for the ItaNaru, things will be pretty slow. I need to first build up some trust and companionship, then they will get together.
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“Talking”
‘Thinking’
–Flashbacks, memories, dreams–
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                                                                             Colourless Vanity
                                                                             Chapter 08: Burning
It was almost melancholic to walk through the familiar corridors of the ANBU headquarters, especially when nothing seemed changed at all.
Raidou observed everything with his keen eyes, and had to convene that most of what he was seeing was exactly the same, if only a bit older and a bit worn off, and he found he felt a certain peace for that realisation.
Even things related to himself –his mask, the weapon on his back, the way his clothes fit on his body even after years without wearing them… everything made him feel like he was back to a place he belonged to, and that was… disconcerting, maybe.
Relieving at most.
Raidou was a quiet person. He liked to blend in with the surroundings, he liked to observe people rather than interact with them (with the sole exception of his friends), and ANBU had always been a perfect blend of this, and he had missed being part of the ANBU.
The special troops were his family, honestly, just like his academy friends had been such before, and maybe he had to admit that leaving the ANBU hadn’t been the right decision, but he never regretted his choices; even taking the wrong turns would lead to learning more about yourself and the world around you, and that was something Raidou could see in people around him, and just the same when it was about him.
The feeling of being home, the feeling of belonging even while observing from the outside, he had needed to learn this on his own skin, even if that meant having left the ANBU for years.
Raidou had spent years doing private missions for the Hokage, using to his advantage his skills and his ability to blend in with his surroundings to be a spy for the Hokage within his own village, communicating the displeasure of citizen and shinobi about certain matters, observing their attitude towards others, reporting everything to the Hokage just like it was his place to…
But even though he had been appeased with that, he had missed the opportunity to have some field missions again, and engage in a fight with an enemy ninja. His skills were not used to their fullest if he was not within the ANBU, and he had grown restless without the opportunity to test his own limits together with the limits of his personal skills.
He was glad to be back.
The common room was just about the same as before, with the exception of a few renovations. There was a new television set, and even some hand-held videogames, and there were more books now than before, and the chairs were new, but the disposition of things was still the same, and he could tell where everything was with just one look.
Some fellow members were wearing their masks even there, some did not, some were wandering around thinking what to do and others were sprawled on a couch or at a table, munching on something or dozing off.
It was just like before, and he felt a wave of warmth curl around his heart.
He didn’t have much to do for the present moment, he had just been walking around to make sure everything was where it should be, so he had no idea how to fill up his time before some practice, and the common room had seemed like the perfect idea. Now what to do…
“Raidou?”
He stopped and turned around, and as he did so, a warm smile graced his lips, making his entire face smoothen pleasantly.
In front of him, looking entirely too pleased with himself, was one of his best friends, Genma, with his mask dangling from his neck and a senbon in his mouth, just like usual.
“Genma,” he said back, smile twisting into a small smirk.
The man’s smile looked like it would split his face open if he kept it up, but Genma was just as happy as he looked, and the senbon moved from one side of his mouth to the other. For a second, the two remained standing in front of each other, then Genma launched himself forwards and enveloped Raidou in a tight hug, slapping his shoulder before finally letting him go.
“Fuck, it’s such a great thing to see you back here, aaah, I missed seeing you wandering around like a lost ghost in here, man!” he smiled brightly. “I knew you’d be back one day, good to know I won our bet”.
Raidou shook his head. “There was never a bet, Genma,” he replied. “I will not be held accountable of any sort of payment you wish to receive due to me not counting you telling me for months ‘you’ll be back, I can feel it in my bones’ as actually placing a bet”.
“Bah, you’re no-fun,” Genma actually had the audacity to show him his tongue, then shrugged. “I’ll find a way to get that money, Rai, I will. But in the meantime… have you been assigned to a new team already?”
With a nod, Raidou moved over to the couches, sitting down onto one and watching genma follow him like a puppy, sitting down at his side and leaning forwards. “Yeah, Hyoo had us meet earlier for the first time”.
“I thought we were done with groups for the ANBU,” Genma replied, frowning. “Last time I checked, we had five full teams. Have you asked to be placed with the Hunters? Or were you put with one of the other sections instead?”
While the main ANBU division had five teams, which were deployed for normal missions ranking from S to above, there were sub-divisions such as the Hunters, who only worked on private missions and were sent to hunt down missing-nin, or the Torture and Interrogation Department (which wasn’t exactly stationed within the ANBU headquarters, as the members did not need to wear a mask, but it was still signed under their division).
“No, Hyoo said we’d be part of a sixth team, actually,” Raidou replied, waiting to see what Genma’s reaction to that would be.
The two of them had been friends for what felt like forever to Raidou. They had known each other even before their academy days, and then had enrolled in the academy at the same time, together with a bunch of other weirdoes (both Gai and Kakashi definitely fit in that category). They had been promoted to genin and assigned to the same team (sometimes coincidences happened when one wanted it the most), and had passed the Chuunin exam at the same time.
They had been a good, balanced duo, and their friendship had made it easy for them to be most often paired up for the same missions; they were very different, and their attitude was almost the opposite, but it never hindered their friendship.
Things had somewhat changed when Raidou had been asked to join the ANBU forces. Genma had found out, and had filed a request to join as well.
Considering he hadn’t been considered for a position because he was lazy, and had a scarce inclination for hard work outside of his regularly assigned missions, the ANBU hadn’t thought he would be a good candidate, as opposed to Raidou, a naturally hard worker.
Raidou himself, despite knowing the other man for years, had been surprised when Genma had passed the ANBU test without fail, but secretly both relieved and proud of his friend for this show of determination.
Raidou was glad to have such a good friend, and he could not think of a time of his life when he did not have Genma around, not even after he had resigned from ANBU service.
“That sounds great, maybe we’ll be assigned less missions with a new team in,” Genma replied, shifting his senbon with a thoughtful expression. “Who’s in your team? Was someone else reassigned to our division?”
Raidou smirked. “Not quite. Someone else asked to return to active duty, and it was the right time too, so we were all assigned to the same team”.
Genma scratched his head, munching on his senbon as he reflected on Raidou’s words. “What do you mean? It’s highly unusual for retired members to come back, and yet… three more? That is weird, man”.
“Not three, just two more,” Raidou replied, still smirking. The situation was proving to be funny. “Would you believe if I said Silent Depths is coming back?”
Genma’s eyes widened almost comically, the senbon almost slipping from his lips. “You kidding me? Like, Iruka?” at Raidou’s nod, he shook his head. “Well, that was one bet I wouldn’t have won”.
“I told you there was no bet between us,” Raidou interjected, but Genma wasn’t even listening to him, so he sighed.
“Can’t believe you’ve been placed with Iruka,” Genma was muttering to himself. “And I’m stuck with Anko and her craziness… why can’t I be placed somewhere else too? I mean, she’s a whacko…”
“Don’t let her hear you saying that,” he advised with a chuckle. Anko was renown as a sadistic kunoichi, and it was no secret she subjected her team to hellish training. In a way, he pitied Genma.
“I hope your other teammates are nothing special,” Genma whined, looking at Raidou for confirmation. “Please tell me they are nothing special”.
“I’m sorry to shatter your hopes, but one of them is Death Wings,” he stated.
This time, Genma’s senbon did fall from his lips, falling onto the floor with a loud metallic sound. Death Wings was back in Konoha…?
Since Hyoo hadn’t said anything to the rest of the ANBU about Itachi’s return, Genma was probably the first to hear the news outside of the three that would become his new team (and the Hokage). Raidou could fully enjoy Genma’s pale face at the news.
Itachi’s name was somewhat of a taboo inside Konoha. Most of the villagers and the shinobi spoke of it with hatred or dislike, for he had committed treason, and inside the ANBU nobody wanted to mention him, least the case of his innocence be brought up.
And now, things were changing.
He recounted to Genma the news, telling him how Itachi had been called back from his mission and how he was once again returning to active duty for his village, and Genma was suitably impressed.
“The fact that Hyoo went out of his way to recall him back and try to fix this situation is good,” he admitted, keeping his voice low so the other ANBU around them wouldn’t hear. “I guess this means we should keep the news low-key until he’s officially back. I wonder when the Council will get to know, and what they’ll do about it”.
“Honestly I don’t think Hyoo and Itachi care about that,” Raidou sighed. The ramifications of Hyoo’s act were a lot, but for the present moment what mattered was rectifying an old mistake. The rest could wait.
“It will take him a while to feel really at ease here, but I promise I’ll do my best to make him feel welcome,” Genma promised him. “Enough of that now! Who’s your last member? You said only three were called back, but that means an early new member!”
“Indeed,” Raidou’s smile was positively smug. “It’s Naruto”.
Genma rubbed his chin, once again impressed. “So Hyoo managed to score twice. Both getting Itachi back and asking Naruto to join were on his to-do wishlist, I guess he won’t need to participate in this year’s Secret Santa since he already got it all”.
Two seconds passed by, then Genma ruffled his own hair, looking somewhat angry.
“Aaah, it’s not fair! You get to have a good, balanced team and I get the crazy psycho! How is that fair!? I wanna trade teams!”
“Oh… really now?”
Genma froze, and Raidou felt a wave of fear run through his back.
Both turned around, and Raidou blinked as he met the glare of a seemingly pissed off Anko, who thankfully moved her anger to the rightful recipient –Genma.
Genma whimpered.
“I didn’t know that’s what you thought of me,” Anko smirked, looking positively evil, hands placed on her hips.
Genma was startled out of his speechlessness. “Uh… no! I didn’t mean it at all!”
He did not dare to stand up, as she was his captain and he was taller than her, and there were times that made it worse for him, so he cowered on the sofa, fidgeting under her cold stare.
“I think I will have to show you exactly how crazy and psycho I can be…” Anko’s smirk widened, and she twirled a kunai in her fingers, to demonstrate her point.
Raidou shook his head, his expression a mask of sorrow. “I guess our meeting has to be cut short, Genma…” then, at a lower voice “sorry man, your fault here”.
He stood up, as he was not under Anko’s wrath, and patted Genma gently on his shoulder as Anko hauled him off the couch and onto the ground by his collar.
“Gotta go see my new team,” he said, and hurried out of the common room, hearing Genma’s pained whines as he left and his repeated begging for forgiveness.
‘Glad I didn’t agree with him there,’ he thought to himself with a shiver.
“Raidou! You coward! Come back and help me!”
                                                                             …–…–…–…
Naruto slumped on the ground.
He felt tired –not exhausted, though he was on his way there, but he was in need of a break, that was for sure. His clothes were already burned and singed on the edges by Itachi’s fire, and his hair wasn’t doing any better, really.
Panting hard, he tried to regain his breath as he looked up at his sensei, who was on the opposite side of the training grounds and looked perfectly calm and as fresh as he had been when they had started training.
“Are you perhaps tired?” Itachi asked, his voice quiet but with a hint of mild disappointment.
Naruto felt a surge of annoyance, and promptly stood up, hissing as he did so since his muscles protested at the movement. “Of course not!” he yelled, ignoring the ache.
He had never had to train this hard before, not with Kakashi nor with Jiraiya. Itachi’s training was intense, and he did not allow him a moment to think. He had expended his chakra freely just like always, even with trying to control it, but it was really different and at the end he’d risked getting burned into a crisp more than once, which had forced him to try and get to pay more attention rather than focus entirely on his exercises.
And yet despite the difficulties, he had managed to finally find the correct amount of chakra to pour into the leaf constantly, almost steadily even, without it falling onto his head. He was still rather distracted the moment Itachi’s attacks came, but he guessed it was a good improvement so far.
“Itachi… Itachi–sensei,” he mumbled, looking away. He still felt awkward asking for help, considering how it was hard to receive a reply before, but he guessed he had a better chance with Itachi. “I get that this is supposed to help, but… how? I can’t predict where I’m going to get attacked from or how… I can’t split my attention so much! Unless I use my clones…”
Itachi thought about it for a moment, to find a way to explain things to Naruto so that he would understand. “A good shinobi always needs to pay attention to his enemies in battle, but also to his surroundings. Analysing the battlegrounds will aid you with countermeasures but also to prevent sudden assaults. Of course you can’t be ready for everything, not even genius shinobi can, but you’ll have an advantage if you recognise a pattern in the type of surroundings you have. As a ninja coming from the forest, you have to learn the kind of background you come from –use leaves, trees and soil with defined characteristics against opponents who have less knowledge on that. Just like Suna-nin will know more about the desert than you do. Chuunin exams also could be passed by learning beforehand about what kind of surroundings you’re going to face”.
Naruto nodded, eyes wide. He hadn’t thought it, but he guessed that being the host for the exams gave the village an edge over others. Also with certain fields there were moves that could not be used, so if there wasn’t a stream or a lake nearby, water-based jutsu would be less useful or common… it was still a bit vague, but he could work with it.
He then blinked, and brought what Itachi had told him a bit further –with unknown ninja he wouldn’t have this fortune, but he knew Itachi. What moves he was using against Naruto were the same group –fire attacks– and even if Itachi attacked him in person, Naruto had at last a basic knowledge of the kind of hands-on approach he usually used, so while he could not predict with 100% accuracy what he would do, at least he could be more prepared.
He relayed this to Itachi, who nodded approvingly at him. “Exactly. That is why missions brief you on your possible adversaries in advance, so you can know who you are going against, and why shinobi usually go through bingo books to try and learn the basic styles of all known ninja there”.
“Can I get one of those too?” he asked, smiling at Itachi, who had a small grin on his lips that quickly vanished.
“You can find them stashed in the common room,” was the reply.
“Another thing that’s important to realise is that attacking recklessly without a plan usually won’t work, unless your plan includes fooling your adversary about your brains,” Itachi concluded, with a pointed stare at Naruto, who accused the hit and coughed into his hand, looking away.
Yeah, haha, he’d always had a problem with temper and attacking without thinking.
“Some of your classmates have had more time to develop a level of attention that allows them to foresee some attacks based on motions and unconscious actions from the enemy, but you aren’t too far behind and it’s still not too late to get on par with them. You have keen eyes, Naruto-kun, so learn to look further than what is in front of you. People have patterns they might not even realise they’re using before certain attacks, muscles twitching, eyes focusing on a point somewhere a split second before they attack. You don’t have to predict an action that has yet to happen, but there’s a certain leeway with determinate things that can help you successfully prepare yourself”.
Naruto wondered if shinobi, with time, developed the same instinct animal had for danger. Though if he thought about it, one could still surprise an animal, so that meant they just had keen senses and a lot of wariness. He wondered then if he could learn from watching animals react to danger, too. Hyoo had said to look how animals acted in their natural habitat, and he guessed he could look out for their movements and also how they behaved if attacked.
It was a lot to take in, as it seemed to be all the time nowadays, and he tried to keep track of all the things he needed to do.
These were the times he felt more disappointed with himself because he did not like to study.
“Don’t worry about trying to rush or learn things too fast,” Itachi sighed, passing one hand on his hair. He had apparently the same sort of sixth sense Hyoo had to know what passed through Naruto’s mind. “This is not a battle, where enemies can easily kill you and your teammates. You are here to learn, Naruto-kun. Move at your pace, learn to recognise the signs, and then you will be able to use your newfound skills in battle when you are ready”.
Naruto nodded, looking grateful. It was weird how they all went out of their way to make him calm down and reassure him instead of belittling him and making him feel like he was stupid. He felt reassured and like he could do things, and it was a nice feeling. Taking things easy… it wasn’t often he could give himself a calm pace. It felt good.
Learn things slowly, instead of trying to rush things through… that was still a hard concept for him. He was so used to having to take everything as it came, hurrying because otherwise he’d be left behind even more, just fighting to get where he wanted to be… he had to constantly remind himself he had some time now, and he could do it all without hurrying.
His first real mission in Wave country had almost failed, and Sasuke had almost died (even though he wouldn’t have, because Haku hadn’t wanted him dead –but still) because Naruto had rushed through without thinking.
He had been so lucky up until now, but things had to change. He had to learn. He did not want to see anybody else die.
Then…
“Itachi-sensei!” Itachi looked at him. “Is it ok if we train a bit longer?”
Itachi nodded, looking at him in approval.
Naruto felt his heart warm up; despite still not understanding how to make multitasking work, he was… having fun. He was learning, and well, and he was being helped through each step without fuss.
Jiraiya and Kakashi had been good teachers, in a way, but they never took time to explain Naruto how things worked, they just expected him to know, even when he failed at it. Itachi knew where Naruto lacked, and instead of expecting him to get it, he helped him out.
It felt like he had an actual mentor.
‘I guess I have to see how much instinct is left in me,’ he thought to himself, remembering one of Iruka’s earlier lectures in class.
Humans were animals who had given up instinct for their intelligence, losing something in exchange to get something new, but that meant that instinct was still somewhere inside, buried away, hidden and sleeping. He wondered if there was a way to learn to use his instinct more.
Chakra was part of a shinobi’s nature, and they could use it by training with it, but just like with his Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, once he’d that down he could do it without thinking. Learning the jutsu had taken him a lot, but now he barely had to make a sign in order to summon as many clones as he needed.
He walked without thinking about it. He knew what a kunai was without having to think about it. He could throw shuriken by reflex because he had practiced it until his hands bleed and his arms ached.
He knew his chakra. Maybe he had a bad control (he did), maybe he wasn’t using it the best he could (he wasn’t), but he knew his chakra. He had spent years playing with his chakra and expanding it to make his own jutsu.
And just like that, Naruto found his personal epiphany.
If things could be worked around in the same way, just like walking or throwing shuriken or talking… he could learn to use his chakra without controlling it.
Because maybe… maybe Naruto had been using his instinct before without realising it.
He could trust his chakra.
Naruto snapped his eyes open.
Slowly, he let his senses spread out. He searched inside himself, with the same sort of recklessness security he’d had when creating his perverted jutsu, without really knowing the theory behind it but just wanting to do it.
He touched the pools of chakra inside him, he visualized it flowing inside his body. He used to try and keep it restrained unless he was using it, but now he was starting to realise that it was the wrong way to go about it. He did not tie his own arms when he wasn’t using them, so he shouldn’t do that with his chakra either.
It took him a long while to finally decide he was ready and his chakra was ready, and during this time Itachi did not attack him, probably because he was sensing that something was going on. The feeling of chakra pulsing inside him was comforting, and he inhaled deeply.
This chakra was his own. Just like in the past, before he knew about Kyuubi and started to tame it unconsciously. This chakra belonged to him. It was familiar. It was part of him.
It was weird to realise he had changed so much since the days at the academy, and while most of it was a good change, some of it was not.
He would not force his chakra to obey him –it was not the right way to think it. Chakra wasn’t existing just to create jutsu, but it allowed Naruto to do things, and he wanted to do even more things.
Itachi was staring curiously at him, observing the way Naruto’s chakra intensified and condensed inside his body. It was almost like Naruto was meditating, or starting to go into a trance, and Itachi made a mental note to teach him how to do it properly.
For now, he simply observed, his Sharingan activated to observe Naruto in detail.
The chakra, running wildly around without control, calmed down, expanding through coils that someone like Naruto shouldn’t have been able to use normally without training or without knowing about their existence, simmering under the surface. It wasn’t under complete control, but it was tamer now.
Finally, Naruto seemed to do something with his chakra, directing it towards the leaf in his hand, and then he put it back on his forehead.
Naruto let go of his chakra flow, directing it where he wanted it to go but not forcing it, then let his mental grip of it go, and looked at Itachi.
Miraculously the flow did not break, and he found himself able to keep his attention somewhat split between the action of holding the leaf and staring at Itachi.
The flow to the leaf was unsteady just like before, and the leaf kept wavering, but Naruto was paying it less attention than before to the same result, so even if it wasn’t perfect it was such a huge step forwards that he couldn’t believe it.
Itachi smirked. He did not know what kind of thought process Naruto had gone through, but it looked like it had worked. He would have to ask him about it later. Naruto was not stupid, but to reach the same ending result he used different paths, different thoughts.
Naruto narrowed his eyes and smirked. “Bring it on!” he told him.
Itachi mirrored that smirk. “Let’s see if you keep it up,” he replied, hands blurring into seals.
With most of his attention free from holding the leaf up –it was on the edge of his vision, and he was only partially aware of the connection between himself and the leaf– he managed to focus on the attack, which was also a bit obvious as Itachi was still standing there, but that was still good.
He flipped in mid-air and landed on his feet away from the incoming wave of fire, and he looked up with a smile and cheered loudly when the leaf remained in its place.
“Yes! I did it!”
With this moment of distraction came another wall of flames, and this time he eeped, scrambling backwards and only managing to avoid it by a fraction, falling onto the ground and rolling away just in time.
He remained there, panting, with the leaf still precariously hovering above him, and cursed his stupidity.
‘Gotta have to stop this habit of mine to cheer before the danger’s gone,’ he groaned. He’d almost made a fool of himself again. Yay him.
“Well done, Naruto” Itachi stated, deciding to ignore the last clumsy action, knowing Naruto was already chastising himself for that slip.
Naruto smiled brightly, feeling another rush of pride at his sensei’s words for him.
“Are you up for something more challenging now?” Itachi asked then, moving to stand at his side and staring down at him.
‘Has nobody told him that breaks exist?’ Naruto complained to himself, but still stood up, a smile on his lips.
Having a teacher devoted to spending time with him instead of dropping him somewhere was to be cherished, and he would never turn down training.
This was… fun.
“Sure,” he replied.
“Good. I think that it is time to test just how far you can let your attention stray before the chakra tendril snaps, so instead of using chakra-based jutsu, I will attack you with a basic taijutsu style”.
Naruto groaned. “What, no special Uchiha secret combat style?”
Itachi smirked. “Only if you insist”.
Eyes widened in shock, Naruto was about to shake his head no but Itachi was already coming at him, and Naruto cursed to himself and went into a defensive position.
‘I’m an idiot,’ he whined.
Then there was no more time to think, only to evade.
                                                                             …–…–…–…
“Yo~” Kakashi smiled under his mask, his uncovered eye curving upwards.
Iruka had not been paying attention to his surroundings, too busy making schedules in his mind, so he was startled out of his train of thoughts and twisted his head around to glare at the newcomer, disapproval clear in his stance.
He was getting tired of Kakashi’s attitude.
“Kakashi–sensei… maybe you should stop popping around uninvited without warning, you’ll cause someone a heart attack one day,” he grumbled, scowling a bit.
Kakashi chuckled, apparently amused by Iruka’s disgruntled reaction. He was once again holding his book out in the open, and Iruka felt his irritation spike at this blatant disrespect.
He knew that the man was a fan of the series, and he knew that he used it as a diversion to destabilize his opponents during a fight (or even normal people he met on the street), and if he wasn’t around younger people Iruka could even ignore the fact that it was an obvious R-rated book, but the fact that he was actually reading it while talking with someone spoke volumes of Kakashi’s lack of good manners.
He truly needed to start acting like an adult.
Kakashi was oblivious to Iruka’s annoyance. He was relaxing a bit after accompanying Sasuke to the Hokage tower for his verdict, and after sticking around for a bit in order to spy on them to know what his punishment would be, and then he had followed the brat around for a bit before deciding to check on Iruka.
Sasuke had acted the part of the mellow, eager-to-repair-to-his-mistakes kid, and if Kakashi hadn’t had so much faith in Naruto’s methods, he would have thought Sasuke was acting. But no, Sasuke was really regretful for what he did, even if his pride made it obvious he felt above the punishment.
He wasn’t changed fully, and Kakashi knew these things took time if one was properly determined to change, so he would have to wait and see what would become of his student.
All in all, he was grateful for the Uchiha name, which had saved Sasuke’s head now, or at least his ninja career.
Even more than this, the fact that Sasuke had not gone directly to a training ground to train was testament of his attempts to change. He was back in his house, moving from room to room restlessly, but he was not training.
After what his team had gone through, they had somehow came out stronger than before, all of them. Naruto was gone with Jiraiya, Sasuke was moving down a different path, and Sakura was facing her own actions, determined to also change.
Kakashi could not be prouder of them.
That also meant he needed to rethink his own choices, his own decisions. He had done them no good, he had treated them like an extension of his will and part of their actions was result of his own mistakes, but… nobody was too old to change.
Still, at this point he was left with nothing else to do, and the desire to see Iruka had been stronger than his hunger.
There were things that Kakashi’s brain tried to stop him from doing, things like getting too close to people, but Kakashi was growing better at ignoring it. His students were good at not dying, and Kakashi had slowly learned that maybe it would be good to grow attached to people again.
He had lost a lot of dear ones in the past, but that shouldn’t make him unable to create more bonds now. He was not old, and while living the life of a shinobi meant always facing death, he knew he still had a lot in front of him –be it a blessing or a curse, he had yet to understand.
It was almost embarrassing to say that he was starting to look forwards to the future because of one of his student, but it was true. Naruto always had a way to make even his elders think back their choices.
Naruto, who was so similar to both his old sensei and his teammate that sometimes Kakashi felt a pang of regret for the lives that were lost, but Naruto also had their same stubbornness and will to live. Nobody could look at him without feeling inspired, not even Kakashi.
And since he could so effectively see ghosts when looking at him, Kakashi had been able to realise a few things about himself through Naruto’s struggles. His fear of losing people, not at all irrational but useless when one knew he didn’t have much… they were all humans in the end.
No one could live a fulfilling life without actively having human contact, not without crumbling.
His losses would not hinder his future, and he finally could admit he longed for something more than casual acquaintances.
Accept the things that were already there –Gai’s friendship, his students, the other Jounin… they were real people who offered him companionship over and over, and it was about time Kakashi started to value them for what they were.
And Iruka, well… he intrigued him. At first he thought he was just Naruto’s old teacher, but he was starting to think he wanted to befriend him, and see where that brought them. And if the future reserved them something more, Kakashi would not hinder it. But that was too far ahead for now. A good friendship was just about the right thing he wanted now.
It had nothing to do with his ninja background, or his current strength. But once he had his mind set on something, it was hard to get him to change idea.
Still, it was somewhat puzzling. Kakashi had never been one to pursue friends before –Asuma, Gai, Kurenai… they had all been the ones to talk to him first– so he wasn’t sure how to go about it, but even if Iruka seemed displeased with him, he had never outright refused to have him around, so there was still hope, he guessed.
At least he could try with dry sarcasm.
“Well, does that mean you don’t want to hear what the Hokage’s punishment for Sasuke is?” he asked, snapping his book close and raising his visible eyebrow in a teasing way.
Iruka’s demeanour changed completely. He turned to look at him, full of apprehension and curiosity; even as an ANBU he was not privy to things this quickly, but of course Kakashi bypassed all kind of official channels by directly eavesdropping the Hokage so…
“He wasn’t… he wasn’t sentenced to death, right?” he asked, even though he knew this would never be an option, not with the Council. “I mean, I know his name was going to protect him, but… there’s always a chance that the Council wouldn’t want a danger around”.
Kakashi shook his head, and Iruka relaxed, slouching into his chair and exhaling in relief. He quickly explained what Sasuke’s punishment would be and observed Iruka’s tense expression relax.
“I’m grateful,” he admitted. “Sasuke is… in the end he’s just a child, even if by shinobi rules he should be counted as an adult, and I think he was lucky to be let out with just a metaphorical slap on the hand this time… let’s just hope he will not make the Council regret it”.
“I think Naruto had a greater impact on him than we both suspect,” Kakashi admitted, for once putting them at the same level.
They shared a moment of silence, more companionable than it had ever been between them, then an idea made its way in Iruka’s mind as he stared down at the stacks of papers he had left to grade. He blinked. “Since you are his sensei, are you in charge of what missions he’ll be allowed to take?” he asked.
Kakashi nodded.
“Then, would it be possible to get Sasuke to come help around the academy?”
This way, he felt he would be able to oversee part of Sasuke’s punishment and also give Naruto some information on his best friend. Win–win.
Besides, he wanted Sasuke to really, really learn that his actions had consequences.
“Sasuke? Working here? At the academy?” Kakashi repeated, not hiding his surprise. “Why? I… I don’t think he’d work that well around children”.
Iruka snorted. “Sasuke didn’t work well around children when he was a child, either”.
Kakashi smiled. “True”.
“But we do need help. Courses have been taking longer nowadays because the number of students keeps raising, and I was thinking of dropping at least a class myself to take a few missions…” he rubbed the bridge of his nose, looking embarrassed. “We don’t get paid enough and I think I would love to get some more spare money”.
Kakashi nodded, understanding.
“Not to mention one of our teachers went into maternity leave –she was due yesterday, actually… so we would really do with some sla… hmm, I mean help around here”.
“Well, I guess the Hokage would not mind this sort of mission,” Kakashi rubbed his chin in wonder. “Though I’m not sure how well he’s going to behave. But you can consider your request accepted for the time being”.
Iruka’s smile had a predatory quality that made Kakashi almost reconsider. Almost.
“So, now that everything is settled, what about a tea, Iruka-sensei?”
Pleased with how well Kakashi had behaved for the past few minutes, and by finally having Sasuke at his mercy, Iruka agreed to the offer, standing up from his desk and grading the last test with a fluttery ‘zero’ mark.
“I wouldn’t mind it, yeah,” he agreed.
                                                                             …–…–…–…
Since he had expected Itachi to be already putting Naruto through hell on their first day, Raidou was not surprised to see his captain walk through the headquarters’ corridors with an unconscious teen on his back, draped like a sack of potatoes.
Itachi was walking without care, like the sight was nothing unusual, and Raidou had to admit that no, it really wasn’t. He remembered a time he had been doing something very similar with Genma, and chuckled to himself.
He wondered if this would become a daily sight, then sent a quick prayer Naruto’s way.
Naruto looked positively battered, but even while asleep he was smirking in satisfaction, so he guessed the training had actually been successful.
“Itachi-kun,” he greeted. He would not use a respectful title outside a mission, because he knew Itachi hadn’t liked it before, especially not from shinobi older than he was. “I see you’ve had a good training session today, hmm?”
They had only been paired once during a mission, since before Itachi left they had been in different teams, but he could still remember Itachi’s training schedules from back then.
“All I did was make Naruto focus more on his chakra,” Itachi replied, amusement clear in his voice even if his face was carefully blank. “He was never able to properly understand how to control it, but once something is explained to him in clear wording, he is a fast learner…” he paused for a moment, deep in thought. “But it might take him longer to get to a decent level, let alone ours”.
“Nobody said Konoha was built in one day,” Raidou replied with a smile. He was pleased by Itachi’s wording, and the fact that he was already including himself when talking about the ANBU.
“Just don’t tell him,” Itachi tilted his head towards Naruto. “He might consider that a challenge”.
They shared an amused chuckle at Itachi’s light joke.
“I don’t think it’ll take him too long to become a good shinobi,” Raidou said, shaking his head. “There are a lot of things to learn though, I wonder if he’ll get bored of all the paperwork and information we have to memorize… better try to make it interesting or we’ll never hear the end of it”.
Itachi nodded.
“His skills and desire to grow strong will quickly cover up for his lack of preparation, so even though it wouldn’t benefit us to already consider him one of us, it’s almost a given,” Itachi sighed. “His instinct is guiding him to the right path”.
“As long as his training with Anko doesn’t kill him,” Raidou joked. “Your words towards him are kinder than I’ve ever heard you speak about anyone else, even if your actions show no sign of favouritism”.
Itachi rolled his eyes, but there was a sort of playfulness about the gesture that made Raidou feel happy.
“So is he really that behind?” Raidou asked.
“He lacks the basis, yes. He has no knowledge over his chakra reserves, but knows how to use them nonetheless, his taijutsu and attention span are poor, and he needs discipline,” was the stern reply.
“You and Anko will make his first month feel like hell,” Raidou commented.
Itachi nodded. “Especially Anko,” he clarified.
Raidou rolled his eyes.
Naruto shifted uncomfortably in his sleep, and for a moment his dream changed to include the mention of Anko’s name, a looming figure covered in snakes threatening to overthrow his ramen kingdom. Then, he settled down again.
Itachi turned around and walked towards the bedroom quarters to drop Naruto off, and Raidou watched him go with a small smile on his lips.
                                                                             …–…–…–…
Naruto’s room was a mirror of Itachi’s one, since they were all styled the same.
He entered, every intention to drop Naruto on his futon and leave him rest for a while, then realised that in his haste to leave and train, Naruto had left his futon rolled up inside his closet.
Part of Itachi wanted to drop Naruto on the floor and let him sleep there –it was not like it’d hurt– but his manners prevented him from doing this, and he moved towards the closet, trying to keep Naruto balanced on his back –he was heavier than he looked.
An unwanted memory from his past resurfaced without him wanting it to –his mother tucking him into bed, smiling down at him and whispering words of comfort and love– and he faltered for a fraction of a second. Then he blinked, and the memory was gone.
Memories like that belonged to the past, and had no reason to echo in his mind even now, not when he’d spent the past few years living undercover away from Konoha.
To say he had never mourned for the loss of his family would be a lie. He had felt pain, deep and unwavering, so rooted inside him that he had been unable to shed tears for them, and he hadn’t wanted to let it linger inside him.
He was not weak for missing his family, especially during hardships, but it was useless to linger in the memories of what was gone and could not come back. It had been his choice, and he would bear the burden until he died.
He pulled the futon out of the cupboard, and for a moment he allowed more memories to flutter to the front of his mind. His mother singing for him, her voice clear and melodic in the air, vibrant in the usual lack of sound surrounding their house, his mother keeping his food warm so he would always get home to something hot, his mother smiling for him, because for how much the rest of his family treated him like an adult, she still thought he was her child, and it was their secret that whenever he was home, she would still tuck him in bed at night.
He had been young enough to deserve her motherly fussing, and her love.
Of all the things Itachi regretted, killing his family was not one of them. There were sacrifices to be made, and agreeing to deliver such a death sentence did not mean he agreed with its decision, but he did not regret doing it.
He regretted how she had been part of them, though.
Itachi had loved his mother, of the kind of pure child’s love that not even the darkness of his shinobi life had tainted, and her memories were the only thing from his past that he cherished, and yet he had killed her, just like he had killed the rest of them, because that was how it had to be. She had accepted it, she had allowed him to strike the finish blow to her, because there was nothing that made her prouder than Itachi’s pride and love for the village she had also cherished.
On his back, Naruto shifted, and Itachi shook his head, banishing those memories back to where they came from.
He unrolled the futon quietly, with Naruto still snoring on his back, and considered that this boy had never even known the love of a family, while Itachi still had memories to keep him company. He refused to feel the warmth seeping through his back from the sleeping form of his soon-to-be teammate, and instead concentrated on something else.
Yes, Naruto was heavier than he looked, but nowhere near as heavy as he should be at his age, and about that, he looked incredibly young while he slept.
Had Itachi looked this young too, when he had been Naruto’s age?
He refused to think about it.
He placed Naruto down on the unrolled futon, refusing to do more than the bare minimum, and then left the room, closing the door behind his back.
Itachi remained standing in front of his own room for what felt like forever, carefully controlling his breathing until he almost fell in a trance, thinking, always thinking.
Thinking about Konoha. Thinking about his past. Thinking about how he had longed to be back, because there hadn’t been a day without this desire coming back, without him wanting to run back to Konoha, even at the cost of getting beheaded for treason.
Now that he was here, though, he still wondered if this was the way it should be.
He had a mission, why did he have to come back? He had promised himself, and the former Hokage, that he would never come back. His had been a final choice, without return.
He was back now.
Was this where he belonged? Was Konoha Itachi’s home?
Had his time in Akatsuki made anything different? Was he different? Were his allegiances changed now?
He needed to see –he needed to know. There was a place he had to go to, a person he had to see now. He needed to understand, and there was only one thing left to do at this point.
He moved to his room, silent as a mouse, and slid his ANBU clothes on with steady hands, until the last thing he put on was his mask concealing his features.
His muscles relaxed instantly, recognising the familiarity of his attire and the meaning of his mask, and Itachi relished in this feeling of belonging, an entirely different thing from his desire to know if Konoha was really his place, because this meant nothing yet.
At least he was reassured of one thing –he was still human.
He felt regret, he felt sadness, but also hope. He was still human.
Itachi left the ANBU headquarters in silence, jumping through the trees towards Konoha, ignoring the few ANBU he met on the way there, and then ignoring the shinobi that were headed out for missions.
He wondered what he would feel, and his heart skipped a beat at that.
To get to the Uchiha compound he had to move through most of the village first, and he avoided to linger too much in one single place, flashing quickly past the rooftops and past the Hokage tower, so fast he became a blur.
And then he was there.
The old compound spread in front of him, the houses still intact but void of life, like a ghost town filled with unrestful spirits.
Nobody lived here except for a single person, and he wondered why they had allowed Sasuke to stay there, surrounded by a past long gone, and why they were allowing it even now.
It was not a safe, healthy place for anybody to live into, especially not a kid.
He jumped down on the main street, and observed the empty houses, the broken down shops, the corners once full of life now empty and discarded.
There were no corpses, of course, but in his mind that did not matter. He could still remember the position of every single one of them as he had left them all behind, blood splattered on every surface, staining the white walls and the ground.
Empty.
There was still pain inside him, but it did not belong here. It belonged a small fragment of Itachi’s heart, and there alone.
‘This is not my home,’ he thought. As simple as that.
It had never been his home.
With the death of his clan he had lost that connection forever –he was not part of that family, but still an outcast –and forever one.
He had always refused to come back and face his past, not even when Kisame had asked him to see the compound, but now it was the time.
But now he understood. It did not matter. The result would have been the same. This place held no meaning for him anymore.
Maybe it never truly had, but he had hoped… a part of him had hoped… that maybe one day it would have meant something for him.
Itachi flickered out of sight, hiding on a nearby tree, as Sasuke appeared from behind a corner and walked down the main road.
Sasuke did not stop anywhere, he did not even look up from the ground –it was obvious he was used to do this– and he only stopped in front of his house. He entered it and closed the door behind his back, sealing the compound outside where it would not leak inside the house.
Itachi could picture him moving through the silent building and up to his old room; he could picture him passing in front of Itachi’s door, pause and then force himself not to look, and then shut himself inside his own room.
That was another thing he regretted.
He regretted hurting Sasuke.
All the times he’d hurt him, he regretted it.
He regretted that Sasuke had to watch in order to be safe. He regretted having to strengthen that hatred more than once. He regretted the path he had forced his little brother to take, all for the sake of some sort of peace of mind that he never got.
It had looked like the only choice back then –hurt Sasuke, or kill him. He had been selfish, because he had killed other children, but he had refused when the child had been his own brother. He would still stand by his decision, and maybe that showed how rotten he was, how rotten things were that more children had been killed for no reason than an order.
He had hoped that Sasuke would hate him enough to give up revenge, give up everything and live as a normal boy, away from the drama, away from the pain.
He had been so, so wrong.
Maybe he had done the right thing in telling his little brother that he was the sole responsible of his clan’s massacre… giving him a reason to feel a part of the clan Itachi had never been able to be part of… offering him a reason not to wallow in self-pity, a way to be strong.
Or maybe, he had done the worst thing a brother could do… destroying Sasuke’s admiration and love for him, tying him to a dead clan, the only way out being revenge.
It didn’t matter which one was correct. Both meant one thing, and one thing only –that even geniuses could pick the wrong choice, and condemn someone to grow up full of hatred and pain.
He was human, and he made mistakes.
He just hoped Sasuke would learn not to pay for Itachi’s mistake.
                                                                             …–…–…–…–…–…–…
Cepheus: I hope you liked this chapter enough to drop a comment!
Important note regarding grading marks in Japan: marks go from the lowest grade, 1, to the highest one, 5. but I thought I could use American marks just this once, to be sure. I myself have been graded by numbers from 3 to 10 when in high school, and words going from ‘horrible’ through ‘awesome’ in elementary through middle school.
Glossary:
Katon – Fire type, about jutsu.
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Colourless Vanity