Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Facilitating Between Heaven and Hell	By : ChaCha92 Category: Naruto AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 6100 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Don't own anything in the Naruto universe. Some dude in Japan does. Make no money on my stories either.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
As usual, word spreads quickly among the flock that Ibiki and Naruto reconciled. The news came as a relief to everyone, especially Yoshino. Despite Shikamaru’s assurances, she wasn’t confident and wasn’t relishing the prospect of canceling the wedding arrangements.
Ino is ecstatic when she hears the news. The blonde wastes no time implementing a plan she’s been devising since Naruto announced her pregnancy and engagement. Taking a day off work, she makes an early morning visit to the Hyuga compound. After sharing her intentions with Hiashi, she gets his permission to allow Hinata to join her for the day with the stipulation that Neji escorts them, which Ino doesn’t mind as the two Hyuga may be a great aid to her schemes.
“Ino, why are you so insistent on taking Naruto shopping when you know she hates doing that?” Hinata hesitantly asks as she walks with Ino and Neji into the village.
“For a couple of reasons,” Ino begins seriously. “I’m not trying to stress Naruto out as an excuse to indulge in my favorite past time.”
She pauses when she notices the two Hyuga looking at her incredulously.
“I’m not!” she protests vehemently. Annoyed, she continues. “Whether she admits it or not, Naruto needs to look at what’s out there for herself and the baby. I bet she doesn’t know about half the stuff that’s available and she needs to decide what she wants or doesn’t want so we all have a good idea what to get her for the baby shower.”
“That makes sense,” Neji agrees. “Otherwise Naruto may end up with items she doesn’t need and will never use.”
“Naruto will feel guilty if she receives things she’ll never use,” Hinata agrees.
“Exactly. Besides, Naruto has been avoiding going into the markets as much as possible since getting pregnant. She’ll keep doing that if given half a chance. She needs to get out more so people will get used to the idea she’s going to have Ibiki’s baby and marry him. She also shouldn’t keep hiding out of fear of receiving negative reactions. She’s going to be our Hokage one day, so everyone needs to get over themselves,” Ino finishes with a definitive nod.
“Good reasons,” Neji agrees again. “However, having a valid excuse to indulge your favorite pastime is still your driving force, Ino.”
Hinata grins at the glare the blonde levels at her cousin as he smugly maintains eye contact with the Yamanaka.
A surprised Naruto answers Ibiki’s front door several minutes later. It’s apparent she had every intention of staying home judging by the fact she’s wearing dark green plaid lounging pants, orange frog slippers and a worn tan t-shirt with various ventilation holes dotting the material.
“Hey, guys. What are you doing here?”
“Here to take you shopping,” Ino declares as she jabs her index finger in Naruto’s face.
Narrowing her eyes, the redhead shoves the finger aside.
“You need to stop wandering the minds of crazy people, Ino, ‘cause you’re hallucinating. I’m not going shopping.”
Undeterred, the blonde places both hands on her hips.
“There are things you’re going to need for the baby that I know you don’t have yet and a couple of hours spent in baby and maternity stores is not going to kill you,” she points out.
Hinata cuts Naruto off when she opens her mouth to argue.
“It’d be nice to know what you’d like so we know what to buy you for the baby shower, Naruto. I don’t want to get you the wrong thing or something you won’t like.”
“But you know I’d like whatever baby outfits you guys get for me, Hinata,” Naruto protests.
Rolling her eyes, Ino huffs, “There’s more out there than baby outfits and furniture, Naruto. What if you wanted a breast pump? There are different types, you know.”
“Breast pump?” Naruto’s face scrunches up in confusion. “What does that do? Make them bigger?” Smirking, she gestures at her chest, “Trust me, right now I don’t need any help making these bigger.”
With a frustrated groan, Ino slaps a hand to her face while Hinata smiles softly in amusement.
Deciding to step in before things escalate, Neji states, “I have no idea what a breast pump does either, Naruto, but why not humor Ino this time so she can leave you alone? You can learn what that is for yourself instead of wasting time arguing with her. Otherwise, she’ll continue badgering you.”
“I do not badger!” Ino protests vehemently.
Before a smirking Naruto can retort, Hinata adds, “Neji and I will be accompanying you two, so we’ll make sure Ino doesn’t go overboard or that anyone disturbs you about the baby or marrying Ibiki. We understand your hesitation going out because of that.”
Looking between the three, Naruto sighs heavily. “I’m not going to be left alone if I don’t go, will I?”
“Nope,” Ino replies cheerfully with her hands on her hips.
Hinata shakes her head in sympathy and Neji arches a brow, his expression clearly asking, ‘Do you honestly believe you will?’
“Fine! Just give me a few minutes to change,” Naruto grouses before disappearing back into the apartment.
“Don’t try sneaking out on us or I’ll rope Yoshino-san into helping me to get you out shopping!” Ino calls through the closed front door.
“Don’t you dare!” came Naruto’s muffled shout.
Within a half hour a disgruntled Naruto finds herself surrounded by baby and maternity items. Ino wasted no time in leading them to one of the largest baby and maternity stores in Konoha.
Grudgingly, she admits to herself that Ino, Neji and Hinata are excellent snoop deterrents. A few villagers came up to ask stupid questions or make snide comments about her pregnancy and engagement, but didn’t get far before earning a glare from either Hyuga or Neji physically stepping in between Naruto and them.
Ino sends a couple hurrying away quickly with a terse, “Ibiki-san can certainly answer all your questions with a private meeting in the T&I building.”
As she eyes the selection of cribs with disinterest, Hinata breaks into her thoughts.
“You mentioned the nursery is fully furnished, does that mean you’ve got a crib and changing table?”
“Yeah, Hinata,” Naruto sighs in defeat. They would continue shopping whether she likes it or not. “We’ve even got a dresser and armoire set for the baby clothes.”
Hinata nods then asks as they approach the strollers.
“Are you interested in a stroller?”
Naruto considers the strollers as Neji points out, “Although convenient for transporting your baby, it’s not practical for a ninja. From a strategic standpoint, you could conceivably be separated from your child, whereas it’s easier to escape if you already have the baby in your arms.”
“But her arms will get tired from carrying the baby all the time and she’d be incapable of defending herself and the baby that way,” Ino huffs, rolling her eyes.
“How about a baby sling?” Hinata asks.
Her eyes aren’t focused on them, but on an item hanging from a shelf nearby. Reaching out she snatches it and holds up what looks like a scarf.
“With something like this, you can keep the baby with you while leaving your hands free,” she explains.
“How is that supposed to work?” Naruto eyes it warily.
“Like this,” Ino grins, grabbing a stuffed bear out of one of the stroller displays.
Catching on, Hinata grins too and both fit the sling on Naruto like a bandolier across her torso from her shoulder to the opposite hip. Neji’s surprise mirrors Naruto’s as the other two girls have the sling adjusted in moments.
“You can carry the baby snugly against you in front, either facing toward you or away,” Ino explains, using the bear to demonstrate by positioning it to face inward like a baby cuddling up against it’s mother’s body or outward.
“You can also wear it across your back too,” Hinata states as they readjust the bandolier and position the bear on her back.
“Hey, this is pretty cool!” Naruto declares glancing over her shoulder at the bear.
“You can have a couple different colors and coordinate it to your clothes,” Ino states.
Shaking his head, Neji rolls his eyes.
“On a more practical note, it leaves your limbs free to defend yourself and the baby better since both you and Ibiki both have enemies who wouldn’t hesitate to attack you.”
“That’s one thing down,” Ino grins before grabbing Naruto’s hand and dragging her to the baby bathing tubs.
Naruto finds it all a little overwhelming. She had no idea there’s so much baby related stuff. Thankfully, Hinata and Neji are there with her. For every item Ino shows her, they offer opinions on whether or not it’d be useful and explain why.
Fortunately, Hinata has experience with babies thanks to her large clan and made the suggestion of cloth diapers to use as spit cloths and to wipe up baby related messes. Another suggestion she makes that all three agree is a great idea is a humidifier.
As they examine the selection in the store, Hinata explains, “Babies will catch colds and if they’re very young there isn’t a lot you can do to relieve their discomfort. A humidifier helps a great deal to relieve congestion no matter how old they are.”
While they browse the merchandise, Naruto can’t help but feel sorry for Neji. She may be annoyed at having to shop just to shut Ino up, but it has to be worse for him as the only guy. She’s sure it’s incredibly boring tagging along. Not to mention embarrassing. Especially when Ino makes sure point out and examine items like nursing bras and breast pumps. Although, the latter finally answers the question neither Neji nor Naruto had any interest in, which is, ‘What does it do?’
Naruto’s certain Ino’s doing it on purpose because she keeps asking Neji his opinion. Like a single man like him is going to know if one brand of freezer bags for the breast milk is better than another and has him outright ignoring such questions.
Naruto does have fun when they get to the baby clothes and toys, which Ino prevents her from buying too many of either.
“You’re going to get a lot of these things at the baby shower, Naruto,” Ino points out reasonably. “Besides, babies grow fast and there’s no point in overstocking on the infant clothes the baby won’t get to wear for long.”
“We’re still doing the baby shower?” Naruto groans. “Can’t we just skip the party?”
“No,” Ino answers tersely with a glare. “Now shut up and stop being a killjoy.”
Sighing heavily, Naruto resigns herself to her fate as they head over to a store with a larger selection of maternity and baby clothes. Although she hates clothes shopping, she does find a couple of comfortable outfits for when she starts showing more. She likes the idea of wearing the same clothes her mother wore, but hates they’re all dresses. She’ll wear the occasional skirt, but she still prefers pants. So it’s great to find separates like pretty blouses and pants that fit her personal style better.
After finishing the latest round of trying on clothes, Naruto emerges from the dressing room and spies the perfect baby outfit.
As she makes a beeline past Hinata and Neji to the rack, Ino emerges behind her from the dressing rooms and sees exactly what has captured the redhead’s attention.
“Oh hell no, Naruto!” Ino snaps.
Holding up the bright orange onesie, Naruto declares, “But it’s perfect! Look at the little black pumpkin outlines embroidered all over it!” Pointing to the words printed across the chest, she gushes, “It says ‘Lil’ Pumpkin’!’ And then the little hat with the green stem on top is adorable!”
“No, Naruto!” the blonde snarls.
“Why not?” she growls back.
“Because you won’t stop at the one outfit! You’ll have every outfit some shade of orange.”
“It’s my kid and I like orange,” Naruto states tersely, giving the blonde a lidded glare.
Taking a deep, calming breath, Ino tries reasoning with the irritated redhead.
“Yes, I know. You love orange. But there are other colors the baby will look just as adorable in. I’m just saying there should be a limit on the amount of orange the baby should wear.”
“Okay, I get it, Ino. But notice I hardly wear orange anymore. I figured out a long time ago it doesn’t go well with my hair. But I still love the color and I’m getting this outfit,” Naruto declares, holding up the outfit again.
“Fine! Get the outfit,” Ino relents in exasperation. “But don’t plan on overdosing the poor kid on orange. Do you really want your baby to look like a crawling traffic cone? Some restraint, please!”
Greatly amused, Neji and Hinata watch their mini-war wind down as the two women sort out the remaining garments Naruto is buying from what she rejected. Naruto is greatly relieved when Ino agrees they’ve done enough shopping and suggests they get a late lunch before heading home.
Merely days later the long dreaded baby shower arrives. Considering she’s never been to one, Naruto isn’t certain what to expect, but she knows Ino well enough that she could take it to the extreme.
She even goes so far as to try convincing Ibiki to be there with her. He declines claiming he has a priority case he just has to oversee.
She still thinks he’s bullshitting, but honestly can’t blame him. Hell, she doesn’t even want to go to the damn thing even though the party is for her.
When she arrives with Iruka at the Hokage Tower, Naruto is surprised Ino turned it into a nice luncheon catered by Teuchi and his staff from the ramen stand, except Ayame who is a guest. Just about the entire kunoichi ranks and a good chunk of female civilians crowd the banquet hall.
She thinks Ino did a really nice job decorating the room with pink and blue pastel helium balloons and streamers draped from the ceiling and anything else stationary. She chuckles at the mesh candy bags Ino spread out on the tables as party favors. They’re filled with sugar sweets shaped like pink and blue baby booties and cigars.
“Good to see you didn’t try escaping, brat,” Tsunade beams, approaching to hug the redhead.
“Like I’d ever hear the end of it if I don’t show up, baa-chan,” Naruto snorts, returning the hug.
“Ino would’ve hunted you down and dragged you in hog-tied if you didn’t come, Naruto,” Iruka laughs as the two women separate.
“You’re damn right about that!” Ino’s distant voice rings from across the room, causing the assembled women to laugh.
“It would’ve been one hell of a bloody, bruising fight, Ino,” Naruto calls back sarcastically. “I may be pregnant, but I’m an armed and hormonal kunoichi!”
More laughter erupts as Naruto turns her attention back onto Tsunade.
“So how did you get Shizune to let you out in the middle of the day?”
Said brunette cheerfully steps up to them, answering for a scowling Tsunade.
“In exchange for attending the party, Tsunade-sama has to make the time up by staying late today.”
“All right, enough idle chit chat,” Tsunade grumbles cutting off any snide comments amidst the sniggering to grab Naruto’s wrist. “Let’s get this party underway by you greeting your guests.”
Before she can protest, Tsunade drags Naruto around the room to speak briefly with everyone. Naruto is particularly surprised by the warm congratulations and sincere well wishes from the civilian guests. Although quite a few express their surprise to learn she’s engaged to Ibiki, they keep their inquiries respectful and don’t get too invasive.
When she greets Tsume, Yoshino and some of other respectable women of the village, Naruto realizes Ino had no choice but to keep things sedate at the party. Not with Yoshino constantly peeking over her shoulder.
She is a little hesitant when it’s Koharu’s turn to be greeted. She knows the older woman has never been one of her fans and hasn’t spoken with her since long before the pregnancy and engagement were announced.
“Thanks for coming to my baby shower, Koharu,” she manages, proud that her wariness didn’t show.
The old woman smiles warmly before surprising her with a hug.
“I’m honored to be here, Naruto-chan. Congratulations on your baby and your impending marriage. I know Hiruzen would’ve been tickled pink about the entire thing.” Koharu then surprises Naruto with a smirk, adding, “After he had scolded you for not being more careful and sufficiently scared the daylights out of Ibiki for getting you pregnant.”
Relaxing, Naruto joins in the laughter, knowing Koharu is right. She’s a little sad her Jiji isn’t there, but is glad to hear his old teammate say that.
Once she finishes making the rounds, all the ladies settle into their seats at the tables and begin eating. Of course, one of the dishes Teuchi is offering is Naruto’s all time favorite, ramen. However, he surprises everyone for his flair with other dishes that include vegetable tempura and teriyaki chicken. He keeps the fare relatively healthy out of fear of inciting Tsunade’s particular ire.
As the ladies linger over tea, Tsume declares, “It’s a good thing you snagged someone as level headed as Ibiki, Naruto. I doubt he’d be dumb enough to take off for the hospital and forget you at home once the labor pains start like one of my clansmen did.”
“Are you serious?” Kurenai asks incredulously as some of the ladies laugh.
“Completely,” Tsume replies, rolling her eyes.
“I think every clan has one like that,” Ino’s mother Saki agrees. “However, sometimes unusual things happen even when everything goes right. One of our clanswomen made it to the hospital and during labor she had gone to the bathroom.”
“You’re not going to tell us she gave birth in the bathroom, are you?” Tsume cringes, cutting her off.
“Does that happen?” Tenten asks, incredulous.
“Yes it does, Tenten,” Saki replies patiently before snapping at Tsume. “And no, she did not give birth in a bathroom, Tsume! Anyway,” she continues, ignoring Tsume’s glare, “The medics had just wheeled her from the bathroom back into the birthing room and helped her stand up when the baby literally fell right out of her. Don’t worry,” she holds up a calming hand in answer to the shocked gasps. “The baby did not hit the floor. She was dangling by the umbilical cord for a moment before the medics snapped back to their senses to help the mother out.”
“I remember hearing about that story when I got back to Konoha,” Tsunade chuckles as mutters of amazement ripple throughout the room.
“At least that baby came out pretty easy,” Anko comments. “I’ve heard about some ladies having to endure C-sections for every one of their children and some ended up having five kids!”
“That’s nothing,” Hana snorts from next to her mother Tsume. “What if the baby is really huge?”
“Oh, please, Hana,” Anko scoffs. “You’re not going to convince me there’s such a thing as ‘Godzilla babies.’”
“Well, Hana isn’t entirely off the mark with her question, Anko,” Koharu muses thoughtfully, cutting off Hana’s retort. “I remember one kunoichi giving birth to a hefty 10.2 kg baby.” Hearing the gasps and mutterings of shock she adds, “Now keep in mind that the kunoichi was a diabetic and they tend to have big babies.”
“Top this, Anko,” Hana challenges. “One of our clanswomen spent twenty whole days in labor.” Nodding at the stunned reactions, she continues, “That’s right, twenty.”
“No way!” Anko protests. “You’re shitting me!”
“Not at all, Anko,” Hana smirks. “She went into labor early, about nineteen weeks and the medics were trying to help her carry the baby a little longer. They succeeded for twenty days before she gave birth. The baby was a preemie, but she survived.”
“How the hell does that happen? I understood labor only lasted at most for new moms about twelve to eighteen hours! And how the fuck did the mother not go out of her mind from the pain?” Anko asks in shock.
“I assisted in that delivery,” Shizune replies. “Tsunade-sama and I speculate the mother’s water broke early and she contracted an infection that basically made her body act like labor was setting in. Twelve to eighteen hours is at best a rough average, but not the norm. The mother was in a lot of pain and there wasn’t a lot we could do to alleviate it. She simply was that tough.”
“I’d say,” Anko quips in amazement as some of the other ladies echo the sentiment.
“At least all those births occurred in the hospital,” Kurenai states, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “I know of a kunoichi from Grass who didn’t know she was pregnant and while she was returning from a mission with her team, she started experiencing severe cramps. She didn’t even get a chance to get out of the tree she stopped in before she felt something trying to come out between her legs. Her teammates barely helped her get her pants off in time before the baby came right out.”
“All right, enough unusual pregnancy stories,” Tsunade orders in an amused voice.
“But it was getting interesting!” Tenten protests.
“Not for the current mother to be,” Tsunade drolly replies, struggling not to smile at Naruto’s freaked out expression as Iruka and Hinata whisper reassurances to her. “Let’s give Naruto a chance to recover before having her start opening her presents.
It took Iruka, Hinata, Yoshino and Shizune a long time to get Naruto to calm down and stop thinking she would give birth to a super-sized baby after a month of non-stop labor pains while hanging from a tree during a mission.
Opening her presents did help get Naruto’s mind completely off the baby horror stories. Ino was correct as she got a lot of baby clothes and toys. Among her favorites is a stuffed baby rattle Kakashi gave her. She’s not sure she wants know how he found a place that could make it look like Pakkun.
She receives a lot of gift certificates to baby and maternity stores that Iruka points out will be useful in getting anything they missed. The gift certificates to weekend getaways at local onsens baffle Naruto. She thinks they’re too extravagant, but isn’t sure if asking about them now will offend anyone and decides to keep quiet about them.
Midway through the gift opening, Koharu stands up and calls for everyone’s attention. Once everyone quiets down, she addresses Naruto.
“The gift I brought is from Homura and I, but before Ino-chan brings it to you to open, I wanted to publicly apologize for failing you,” Koharu smiles softly with a deep bow. Straightening up, she continues. “I had the pleasure and honor of knowing your father, watching him grow to become the Yondaime. Yet, I failed to honor his request to see you as the hero of that fateful day. Like many others, I dismissed you as a problem Konoha was forced to bear, allowing my arrogance to cause me to ignore a diamond in the rough.”
Koharu pauses to meet the gaze of everyone in the room.
“Hiruzen always believed Naruto-chan was special and would grow into someone extraordinary. I refused to share that belief and ignorantly put my faith in the last of the Uchiha clan. Instead of supporting the child who clearly loved and cherished the village, I pandered to an insolent brat who easily turned his back on Konoha when tempted with the promise of greater, ill-gotten rewards.”
Bowing deeply again to Naruto, Koharu apologizes.
“I’m sorry for being a blind fool. I cannot change the past, but I promise to help build a better future.”
Gesturing at Ino standing near Naruto, the blonde steps forward and hands Naruto a large garment box.
“Yoshino said you haven’t had the chance to shop for your wedding kimono,” Koharu explains. “She said you did not wish to wear the traditional white kimono, especially since that would be the only occasion you’d ever wear it. So Homura and I decided to get you a kimono you could wear again on other occasions and would be greatly honored if you wore it to your wedding ceremony.”
Naruto wastes a few moments blinking in stunned confusion before Iruka gently nudges her elbow. Snapping back to awareness, she slips the lid off the box and gapes in awe as others around her gasp at the kimono she pulls out. The silk is dyed a shimmering silver with ornate, geometric stitching in metallic thread that makes the material look like molten silver ore. The obi belt is a blend of three colors, violet, indigo and cream with a colorful pattern of butterflies. Also inside the box is a silk haori overcoat of shimmering gold with a similar embroidery pattern.
Still in shock, Naruto looks up at Koharu who smiles at her gently.
“It’s a small token, but we wanted to get you something special. We not only want you to look like the princess you are, but, more importantly, like the hero your father christened you.”
Handing the box over to Iruka, Naruto rises from her seat to walk over and hug Koharu. Dismissing the tears streaking down her cheeks as being hormone caused, she whispers her thanks to the elderly woman.
“No,” Koharu replies, returning the hug. “I must thank you for putting up with a village overflowing with ignorant fools, yet still be willing to protect us all. You transcend being our guardian and we are truly blessed to have you. I hope we’ll all be able to make up for our ignorance someday.”
Naruto can’t think of how to answer that and needs a few minutes to recover.
Tsunade takes advantage of the pause to wave Izumo and Kotetsu over from their guard positions by the main doors.
“All right you two, start taking Naruto’s presents back to Ibiki’s place.”
Both nod before Kotetsu asks Izumo, “Do you have an extra storage scroll on you?”
“Who said anything about you using storage scrolls?” Tsunade interrupts with an arched brow. “You both have two good arms to carry the stuff while you walk there.”
“We can’t use storage scrolls?” Kotetsu asks in shock.
“We have to walk?” Izumo asks in horror, his eyes darting to the motley collection of cute stuffed animals and baby clothes.
“No and yes,” Tsunade smirks before making a shooing motion with her hand. “Now get going. You’ll be slowed down by the heavy pedestrian traffic on the streets at this time of day. No point in dragging it out.”
Kotetsu opens his mouth in protest when Izumo promptly slaps a hand over it while grabbing a hold of his upper arm.
“Yes, Hokage-sama,” he snaps out smartly before dragging Kotetsu over to the presents.
Releasing Kotetsu, both warily eye the items lying innocently on the tabletop. After taking particular note of the case of diapers and the four-foot long, giant, stuffed, white tiger with a huge purple ribbon tied around its neck, the two men exchange a knowing look. They immediately engage in a couple of rounds of ‘Rock, Paper, Scissors’ to determine who got to carry the tiger and the diapers.
Once Izumo grabs the tiger and Kotetsu the diapers and a few other items, they quickly leave the room to start their task.
Having witnessed the entire exchange, a much calmer Naruto settles back into her seat, asking, “What did they do to piss you off this time, Baa-chan?”
Tsunade rolls her eyes.
“I caught them discussing how big your breasts have gotten since becoming pregnant and how you should model for one of Jiraiya’s Icha Icha covers.”
Naruto’s arched brow quickly morphs into a murderous glare as Tsunade smirks and nods.
“As crass as that was,” the older blonde continues, “What really pissed me off was the fact they were discussing it while on duty guarding my office door. The two idiots forgot the door was wide open and spoke loud enough for me to hear.”
Naruto cocks her head slightly in consideration.
“Okay, I’m not happy they were discussing my breasts at all, but those two always talk about stupid shit while on duty. I mean they once debated whether cows would make good ninja summons.”
“That’s right,” Tsunade acknowledges while some of the kunoichi snigger and nod knowingly. “And it wouldn’t have been so bad if they hadn’t forgotten the Daimyo was sitting across from me reading the yearly budget reports and heard the entire exchange,” she explains while smirking at the return of Naruto’s murderous scowl.
Some of the ladies either roll their eyes at the two men or laugh outright at the fate they drew for themselves. They all knew Naruto would not let their gaffe slide.
“C’mon, Naruto. Ignore those two for now and finish opening your presents,” Iruka suggests trying to get her back on track.
Naruto considers protesting, but decides to follow Iruka’s suggestion because she’s starting to feel tired and is eager for the party to be over already. Fortunately, there’s not much left. After the last present, Teuchi serves up dessert and the party winds down after they finish eating.
After Anko and Iruka escort Naruto back to Ibiki’s apartment, she ignores the piles of presents Izumo and Kotetsu dumped in the living room and makes a beeline toward the bedroom for a greatly desired nap.
Waking up two hours before Ibiki is due to return home, she starts working on dinner. Once the roast is in the oven, she sits down amidst the pile of presents drowning most of the sofa in the living room and begins sorting.
The sun is setting and the shadows in the room deepen when Ibiki walks in the front door.
Arching a brow at all the brightly colored, cute and fluffy items littering his living room, he removes his coat to hang it up on a nearby hook, quipping, “Trying out a new jutsu? Is the point to overwhelm your opponent with cute? It might actually work and send them running in the opposite direction screaming.”
“I didn’t even think of that! I bet even the toughest missing nin would cower in fear at a giant, plushie tiger flying at their face,” Naruto laughs, reaching over to nudge the tiger’s head up under the chin with a finger.
Carefully stepping into the fluffy war zone, Ibiki leans down to kiss her in greeting. Pulling away, he clears a space on the floor next to her to sit down and lean his back against the sofa.
“You really cleaned up at the baby shower, didn’t you?” he muses, eyeing all the items in surprise.
“No kidding. Looks like I robbed a baby store, don’t it?”
“That it does,” Ibiki laughs as Naruto begins showing him all the things she got and telling him about what happened at the baby shower.
She smacks him on the back of the head when she gets to the part about the baby horror stories and he laughs at her horrified expression during the retelling.
“It’s not funny! You’re not the one it could happen to!” she snaps at the chuckling fool.
Shifting to kneel in front of her, he reaches up and pulls her scowling face close. Leaning his forehead against hers, he bores into her eyes.
“Nor is it likely to happen to you. Those stories are the exception. You’ve got the best medic in all of Fire Country monitoring your pregnancy and being the biggest royal pain in the ass making sure you’re doing all the right things.” Naruto can’t help snorting in laughter as he smirks. “Besides, you’ve got that ace in the hole known as the Kyuubi. It doesn’t want to die. So do you really think it won’t help if there are complications?”
After a couple of minutes of consideration, Naruto’s eyes narrow.
“Dammit. I hate when you’re right.”
Not deigning to reply with anything more than a chuckle, Ibiki settles back against the sofa while she continues showing him the presents and shares her concern about the gift certificates.
“I’m not sure about keeping these gift certificates to the onsens. They’re kinda extravagant.”
“What do you mean?” Ibiki asks, examining the three she indicated more closely.
Giving him an, ‘Are you kidding me?’ glare, she tersely states, “Don’t you think an entire weekend stay for two in the best rooms of the best onsen in the capital of Fire Country, all expenses paid, is a bit much?”
“Not at all. Why does that bother you?” he asks, cocking his head in curiosity.
“Maybe you’re used to getting nice things like that, but I’m not,” Naruto admits irritably. “When I was a kid I was lucky to get one present on my birthday and that was usually from Jiji. I can’t help but wonder what’s the hidden motive, especially getting such nice stuff from people I hardly know.”
Ibiki’s chuckle causes her scowl to deepen and her glare to intensify.
“Looking ‘underneath the underneath’ doesn’t apply to everything you know. No one spends that much on a present unless they feel the recipient is worth the expense. It means a lot to the giver if you enjoy their gifts. Besides, the spa treatments at the onsens might be useful during those uncomfortable moments when your pregnancy is more advanced.”
“Guess you’re right,” she grudgingly admits. “Still seems like too much. Especially when you see what Koharu and Homura gave me.”
Rising to her feet, she carefully steps out of the mess of presents to grab Ibiki’s hand as he climbs to his feet. She takes him to the bedroom to spread the kimono across the bed for him.
“Wow,” he murmurs significantly impressed while fingering the material of the haori. “Koharu and Homura really went all out, didn’t they?”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Naruto cries in exasperation. “After all this time those two old farts are going to suddenly apologize and give me something so expensive? C’mon, they have to be up to something, Ibiki!”
Grinning at the peeved redhead, he pulls her into his arms to kiss her. When he pulls back, he holds her gaze.
“Koharu and Homura never hated you. Favored Sasuke over you, yes, but never hated you.”
When Naruto opens her mouth to protest, he takes shameless advantage to kiss her again before explaining further.
“I probably shouldn’t say this, but I don’t think it really matters now. The Third had me investigate those two a few times over the years. He had been betrayed too many times by people he thought he could trust to ignore their behavior as simply playing favorites. Those two believed Sasuke needed all the help and attention over you because you didn’t show the same promise he did.”
Still holding Naruto, Ibiki shrugs at her incredulous expression.
“They might’ve felt differently had they known who your parents were, but since they didn’t, they went with who they thought was a sure bet. Sasuke defecting must’ve been a huge blow to their egos, but their pride wouldn’t let them admit they were wrong at the time. And how could anyone apologize at that point? Any apologies they’d have made would’ve sounded insincere. So don’t you think it’s better they apologize now when Sasuke isn’t in the equation to cast doubt on their intentions?”
Blowing out an exasperated breath and rolling her eyes, she grouses, “You’re really hitting the homeruns out of the park today, aren’t you?”
“And that surprises you because?” he asks facetiously.
“Shuddup and help me repack this kimono, Mr. Know-it-all,” she snaps pulling out of his arms and stepping back over to the bed to start refolding the kimono.
Still chuckling he joins her and reaches for the obi belt, commenting, “I think Koharu is right. This would be perfect for you to wear at the ceremony. It’ll look beautiful on you.”
Unable to think of how to reply to that, Naruto ignores her blush his comments cause. Instead she focuses on pulling out a storage scroll for the kimono. Minutes later they return to the living room to store all the gifts into scrolls since she couldn’t come up with a valid reason to refuse them.
When they’re finished, Ibiki follows her back into the bedroom and watches as she opens the closet. Crouching down she pulls out a canvas bag containing more scrolls and carefully recounts the scrolls in the bag before adding the new ones.
“Still paranoid at losing those storage scrolls containing your stuff?” he chuckles from where he leaned in the doorway.
Pausing to briefly glare at him over her shoulder, she mutters, “Wouldn’t you be if everything you owned were in them and they had been lost because Sai accidentally mixed them in with his blank art scrolls?”
Closing the bag and shoving it back into the closet, she straightens up onto her feet and leaves the room. Ibiki follows her back into the kitchen before replying.
“At least they turned up. I guess we should’ve let you supervise the move out of your apartment, but Kakashi, Iruka and I were afraid you’d get harassed since that was right after your big announcement and word was already spreading throughout the village.”
He grabs a knife and cutting board when Naruto digs into the fridge and starts pulling out lettuce, tomatoes and other ingredients for a salad.
“Yeah, you guys should’ve. I don’t have much, so I was a bit irked when no one remembered where my shit was after everything was cleaned out.”
“Irked? Is that what you call shouting you’d reserve a special suite at T&I where everyone involved would learn the new meaning of pain if those scrolls didn’t turn up before we moved into the house?”
Naruto merely growls at his grin as they continue working.
“So have you checked the progress of the house with Yamato lately?” he asks, deciding a subject change is in order while he sharpens the knife.
“Yeah,” she sighs, deciding to go with the new topic. “He’s still in charge of all the renovations and everything since he’s been village bound most of the time and Iruka and Kakashi are busy with their respective duties.”
“That was a good precaution to take on Tsunade-sama’s part,” Ibiki comments. “Because of his talents it’s wise to keep him home.”
“Yeah, well,” she grudgingly agrees as she finishes washing the vegetables and passes them over to Ibiki to cut. “As far as Baa-chan knows there is no preexisting knowledge of what to expect when a Jinchuriki becomes pregnant and she wanted Yamato handy in case the fox attempts to escape or take over.”
Naruto rolls her eyes as she pulls out a bowl for the salad and sets it near Ibiki.
“I don’t think she has to keep him village bound now since it’s still months before the baby is due.”
“Can you blame her for being cautious?” he asks, tossing some cucumber onto the chopped lettuce he already dumped into the bowl. “You said the fox promised to behave, but you also said that you can’t bring yourself to fully trust its word.”
“Yeah, that’s true,” Naruto agrees as she starts pulling out the utensils and sets the table. “Either way ‘cause he’s around so much a lot of progress has been made on the house. He told me the wiring and plumbing is up to code. The re-roofing slowed things down, but he said it looked like it’d start leaking soon, so it needed to be done.”
“Is he still insisting we stay away until they’re finished?” he asks, carrying the finished salad out to the table.
Returning to kitchen he grabs a pair of oven mitts then pulls the roast out and sets it on top of the stove.
“Yeup,” she replies as she gently pushes him out of her way to carve it up while he gets their plates. “He says everything should be done before we get married, though.”
“That’s good to know.”
Once the food is served, he carries their plates over to the table and both settle into their seats as they continue discussing the house.
The following morning Anko enters the T&I building and spies Ino walking down the hallway from her father’s office.
“Hey, Ino! Great job on Naruto’s baby shower,” the brunette congratulates her.
“Thanks! That’s one party down and the bachelorette party to go!” Ino replies eagerly.
“Yeah, well, it’d be a more exciting prospect if we could hire a stripper for the party,” Anko grouses. “It wouldn’t be so bad if Naruto hadn’t recruited that prison matron Yoshino.”
“Yoshino-san is worse than Choji with a bag of chips,” Ino blows out a harsh breath while rolling her eyes. “There’s no way we can get one with her breathing down our necks.”
Crossing her arms, Anko pouts. “It’s going to be a shitty bachelorette party.”
“Do you even know why Naruto doesn’t want one?” Ino asks curiously.
“Dunno,” the older woman shrugs. “I guess it’s because she can’t drink while pregnant. If she can’t have fun because she can’t drink, then no one else can.”
“You really think that’s it?” Ino crinkles up her nose.
“How the fuck do I know?” Anko throws up her hands in exasperation. “I was going to hire one anyway after you suggested I sneak one behind her back a couple of weeks ago. I got to thinking you were right. Naruto would’ve gotten over her irritation quickly and enjoyed herself if the guy was really good. I don’t know if it’s some weird sixth sense, but Yoshino seemed to show up every time I even thought about finding a stripper.”
“Creepy how she does that isn’t it?” Ino sighs in defeat, closing her eyes briefly.
“No shit. And like hell I’m going to cross that woman,” Anko jabs a finger at the blonde in emphasis. “She’s on the same level of scariness as Orochimaru and a pissed Ibiki.” Sticking out her thumb, she jabs it back onto herself. “I’d like to hang on to what remains of my sanity and like living too much to cross that woman.”
“Me neither,” Ino agrees before noticing the time. “Shit. I better get going. I’m supposed to meet Tenten and Inuzuka Hana at the training fields for a three-way spar. I’ll see you later, Anko.”
“Have fun,” Anko waves at a retreating Ino.
Deepening shadows accent the rich golden hues adding to the relaxed atmosphere of the training field Tenten and Hana currently lounge in, having enjoyed an exuberant spar with Ino before the blonde had to leave to work at her parent’s flower shop.
“Hey, Tenten,” Hana breaks the comfortable silence, eliciting a soft grunt of acknowledgment from the shorter brunette. “Is it me or did it strike you as odd Ino said there definitely won’t be strippers at Naruto’s bachelorette party in a couple of weeks? I don’t think I’ve ever been to one that didn’t have at least one stripper.”
“Wasn’t just you,” Tenten agrees from where she leaned with her hands tucked behind her head against the trunk of the large shade tree next to the Inuzuka. “None of it makes sense, though, because you know there will strippers at Ibiki’s bachelor party. Jiraiya’s on the guest list, enough said,” she huffs in annoyance, chucking a kunai into the trunk of a nearby tree.
“Naruto must be the victim of a double standard,” Hana reasons, tucking her hands behind her neck and mimicking Tenten’s posture. “Ibiki is getting strippers, but he’s not letting Naruto have one. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Naruto is probably just going along with it to keep him happy, but doesn’t want to outrage all her female friends on her behalf by admitting the truth.”
“That’s a ridiculous, sexist double standard!” Tenten shouts, straightening up from her slouch in outrage and gripping another kunai threateningly. “It makes perfect sense, though. At the meeting where Naruto told everyone she was pregnant, she said no strippers at either party, but she could’ve been saying that to make him happy.”
“And maybe he didn’t tell her and she doesn’t know Jiraiya’s bringing strippers to his bachelor party because he knows she’d insist on having one then,” Hana huffs, also straightening up and equally outraged.
“We can’t allow that to pass, Hana!” Tenten protests. “It’s not right that Naruto is missing out on having a memorable and great party because Ibiki needs to be in control or feels threatened by a stripper.”
“I agree,” Hana growls before a devious grin spreads across her face. Eyeing Tenten, she asks, “Want to help me even things out?”
Tenten’s grin is enough of an answer.
Two days later a knock at the door breaks the foreboding silence.
“Come in,” Ibiki calls without looking up from the report he’s reading.
The world-weary sigh escaping his visitor while they drop heavily into the seat across from him finally tears his attention from the report.
“Rough day, Inoichi?”
“Not really,” the older man admits, rubbing his brow. “Just wondering what in the hell I was thinking when I agreed to plan your bachelor party.” Pausing in thought, he adds, “No, that’s not quite right. I wasn’t given a chance to think while my beloved daughter manipulated me into agreeing to do it.”
Ibiki can’t resist laughing before asking, “Who’s still whining because there won’t be strippers at my party?”
“Izumo and Kotetsu. And whining is a nice way of putting it. I’d personally describe it as a wailing lament complete with breast beating,” Inoichi drolly quips. “A few are fine with it and respect Naruto’s wishes. Others think what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her; completely ignoring the threat a pregnant kunoichi and her raging hormones poses to their continued existence. Of course, the ones complaining the most also happen to be single.”
The older blonde pauses to let Ibiki’s laughter die down again before continuing.
“I considered asking Kurenai to cast a genjutsu at the party so all the guys attending will see strippers there. However, that won’t work on all of them. So my only choice is keep repeating what’s become a droning mantra: no strippers or no party.”
Ibiki shakes his head.
“No matter how many times I say it, they just don’t get that I don’t care if I have a party or not. I’ve never been interested in a last hurrah of my bachelorhood. The party is pointless.”
It’s Inoichi’s turn to laugh.
“I love how some of the guys stared at you in horror when told them that, then they’d stupidly proclaim Naruto already had you whipped.”
Ibiki’s visage morphs into a particularly evil glare at Inoichi’s words, prompting the older man to point back at him.
“Then you’d give them that look sending them running like the hounds of hell were on their heels,” the blond laughs.
“Their attitudes did make me aware they don’t care if I enjoy the party or not,” Ibiki sighs in annoyance. “It’s not about celebrating the end of my bachelorhood. What matters is whether they’ll have a good time or not.” Looking his friend squarely in the eyes, he adds, “We’re never going to hear the end of it if we try canceling the whole damn thing. Let’s just try getting it over and done quickly.”
“Which should be no problem without strippers,” Inoichi quips, causing both men to laugh.
“What do you mean there won’t be strippers at Ibiki’s party?” Jiraiya demands.
Scowling at Izumo and Kotetsu outside the onsen he’d been researching at, he’s sorely tempted to lock them in a Toad Mouth Bind for a couple of days for scaring off the ladies soaking on the other side of the fence.
“That’s why we’re bothering you, Jiraiya,” Izumo pleads, knowing if he didn’t talk fast, he and Kotetsu are toast. “We tried reasoning with Inoichi earlier today and he’s still saying, ‘no strippers or no party’!”
“Inoichi has been a married man for far too long. He doesn’t understand the importance of following the rules when it comes to stag parties,” Kotetsu explains with a shrug.
“Why in the hell would they even consider having a bachelor party without strippers?” the sannin asks in stunned disbelief. “That’s like having sushi without rice! It borders on insane and is sacrilegious to what it means to be a man!” Refocusing his glowering gaze back onto the two younger men, he adds, “So Inoichi and Ibiki are going along with Naruto’s order without protest?”
“Inoichi refuses to budge,” Izumo solemnly answers.
“Ibiki has gone so far to say he doesn’t even want a party,” Kotetsu adds.
Both nod at the sannin’s horrified expression.
“You know,” Jiraiya muses while thoughtfully rubbing his chin. “I’m not really surprised the gaki declared ‘no strippers’. All brides usually make that unreasonable demand and she has the added influence of raging hormones to cloud her thinking. I can excuse her irrationality as the result of internal influences.”
“However,” he declares, loftily waving his index finger in the air. “What I don’t understand is why Inoichi and Ibiki are willingly going along with it. Well, Ibiki I can understand,” he grudgingly corrects himself. “The brat has always been an annoying walking encyclopedia of rules and regulations. Which,” he pauses, dramatically jabbing his index finger in emphasis at the two younger men nodding fervently in agreement to everything he’s saying, “is all the more reason to hire strippers. He needs to finally cut loose and relax.”
Crossing his arms, Jiraiya loses himself in thoughtful contemplation for a few moments.
“Inoichi, however, is a different story. The man isn’t wound as tight as Ibiki and knows how to relax thanks to his old teammates Shikaku and Choza. Yet, you two are saying he won’t budge?” he asks, incredulous.
“Yep. And he doesn’t get that it’s not simply a case of Ibiki enjoying a last hurrah,” Izumo explains. “It has more to do with the party being an opportunity for Ibiki to enjoy himself without looking bad in other people’s eyes.”
“Ibiki can’t cut loose as easily as anyone else,” Kotetsu nods. “He holds a very important position as the head of T&I and isn’t expected to ever get drunk, even if it’s only once in a great while.”
“Exactly. It’s not like he does this all the time and this is probably the only bachelor party he’ll ever have,” the older man declares. “So no one expects him to remain sober. Even if he doesn’t drink a drop, no one’s going to hold it against him if he enjoys a lap dance or two.”
Crossing his arms across his chest, Jiraiya eyes bore into the two younger men.
“Since Inoichi is being such a stick in the mud, then it’s up to us to make Ibiki’s party memorable. I just happen to know a couple of strippers who are available that night if you two gentlemen are willing to contribute to their fees.”
Exchanging a look, Izumo and Kotetsu break out into mischievous grins.
“Sure,” Izumo agrees. “And we’ll quietly ask around if anyone else wants to contribute.”
Jiraiya claps both men on the shoulder, proudly declaring, “That’s the spirit!”
10.2 kg is 22 lbs 8 oz. And yes, it’s a world record as a baby boy was born that big.
Onesies are infant body suits.
Kimono are traditional Japanese formal robes.
Onsens are hot springs in Japan where people soak as you would in a Jacuzzi, only without the water jets. They can be open air or enclosed and are often a part of a resort or inn.
A/N: We’re approaching fast to what’s likely going to be the most fun part of this story, Ibiki and Naruto’s bachelor and bachelorette parties. Right now it’s looking like it’s going to take me about two or three chapters to cover it all, but I’ll make it worth your while. ;P I put a lot of effort into making the parties new and interesting.
The unusual birth stories are true stories I picked up on the internet and adjusted to fit the story. I discovered reality is far scarier than any birth horror stories I could dream up.
I never intended Koharu and Homura to be evil in this story. I’m keeping them closer to canon in that regard.
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