Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Variety Pack	By : Vermaxen Category: Naruto AU/AR > General Views: 2853 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Dammit, I say I�m not adding to
it, and then I go and add something anyway.
This was the only one I was wavering on anyway. *Maybe*
NejiSaku for the sheer challenge of it. I don�t know him well enough, but I�m
starting to dislike him less as a person.
We�ll see. Maybe if he hadn�t
been such a bastard to Hinata. That�s really the only reason I despised him.

The reason I want to write this is because a friend of mine
and I were discussing the fallacies most authors of KakaSaku
make (please, I�m not pointing fingers, I�m just making sure I�m setting out
clearly the guidelines I tried to force upon myself):

-
relying too much on the forbidden and therefore
titillating teacher/student relationship (I find that aspect a little creepy
and a violation of trust actually)
-
making Sakura too young (this is a consent and
maturity problem, just make her older and more experienced, that�s all you have
to do really)
-
using Kakashi as a
�default� (this is one of the more aggravating ones; they both deserve better
than that, better than �good enough�)
-
making Sasuke an evil bastard so that she is driven to [insert
random male character�s name here] (I
found that this is one is the easiest to point out and the hardest to avoid,
I�m sure I did this a few times, ::sigh::)

I tried not to fall into any of these traps. Bah.
Some of them were more difficult than I thought. . .

Thus, this idea decided it had to be born out of my brain
despite a lot of misgivings about the pairing in general and a dislike for
angst. This is angsty
because it had to be. I tried to let it
end happily. I repeat, I have a major
set of misgivings about them being together, but if this hadn�t occurred to me
last night I would have been content to let it go.

I tried not to let it get too long and dull, bah.

I wasn�t trying to be critical of anyone. I didn�t have any particular fic in mind when I was thinking about the fallacies; I just
want to avoid bad feelings. Ok? -_____- I love you all you het
authors, for shipping amongst a fandom that doesn�t seem to welcome it much.

*Sakura is at least
20 in this. That puts Kakashi in his mid-late thirties.*

Disclaimer: I don�t own Naruto,
never said I did, never will in any form.

*
*
*

He only realized later that his first instinct, the one that
dismissed her, was as much self preservation as a genuine dislike for the
entire team of genin he was intended to judge. They were young and selfish, and Kakashi had never gotten along with children even when he
had been one. The similarities were so distant in the beginning that he
couldn't see them. Her long pink hair, her sly way of childishly demanding the
things she wanted, and the improbable innocence that only came from a sheltered
youth. . . it all defined Sakura to him in a way he
could largely ignore. For her part, she was disinterested in anyone but Sasuke, and while other aspects of her personality differed
over time, that at least held constant.

The chuunin exam, the first one that any of his
students had entered into, was a turning point for all of them. Sasuke with his cursed seal, and the strong connection to
both Kakashi and Kakashi's
memories of Obito, was the only person that the jounin had any mental time for. Naruto
was cruelly shunted to the side, wanting training but seen as a distant second
choice for individual care. Kakashi had always been
stubborn and selfish, eaten from the inside by pride and a bone deep sadness
over what that pride could do. In Sasuke he saw a way
to redeem himself, to try to stem what he could of the hate that burned out of
the boy's sharingan eyes. Kakashi remembered
all too well how it felt to take on the world, and he had learned the
costs. Rather, Obito
and Rin had learned the costs.

The Uchiha was a lost cause from the beginning, not
because of Sasuke, but because of Kakashi.
Isolating the Uchiha had not helped his mental
stability, or the cohesion of the team. By not also training Naruto, the boy was driven to Jiraiya
as a teacher and through him Naruto gained the power
that drove Sasuke over the edge with jealousy and
resentment. It was like he had failed again, failed to save Obito,
failed to save himself.

The full extent of his failure didn't hit until he came back from a mission to
find Naruto in the hospital and Sakura crying fit to
burst her heart. How had he been able to forget so easily that they had been a
three person team? Sakura had been willing to be bypassed, falling under his
radar by the fact that she was less talented and less noisy than the other two.
The transformation she had undergone caught him unguarded against it. If Sasuke was much like him, and Naruto
was much like Obito, then Sakura was a ghost of Rin.

Rin.

The physical similarities were few, with only the short cut of her hair and the
feminine roundness to her features being the obvious aspects. What really
reminded Kakashi of Rin in
that first encounter with a much changed Sakura was the look of desolation, of
betrayal, of pain. When you're at war you see such
things with a regularity that desensitizes you and now, after years of a mostly
peaceful life, he was tossed back into the twist of emotions that prompted him
to visit old training sites and sometimes touch the carved letters of the memorial
with calloused fingers left only to wait for tears that couldn't flow.

For all intents, Rin had died with Obito. Her physical body had been saved, certainly, but her
spirit was a flickering shade and that lack of attention eventually cost her life.
There was still a war going on and to forget that could only spell doom for the
poor medic. It was a stupid way to go, Kakashi
thought, to heal on the battlefield until even her own life force was
exhausted, but it was the way she wanted to go. Kakashi
had hated her for it then, when he found her lifeless body collapsed in a heap
in the rough circle that had been set up to receive the wounded. He hated her
for giving up, for leaving him alone with nothing but names carved on a rock.

He couldn't say that he had loved her, not in the way she wanted, but they had
been undeniably thrown together by Obito's death. Obito had loved her, his immaturity and simplicity
complicating things for him because he was too sensitive to be loved by Rin. Obito�s passion seemed to be
mere weakness, both to Rin and to Kakashi,
and she had preferred the unfriendly jounin to the
laughing Uchiha. Obito
wanted her to be happy, and in charging Kakashi to
take care of their teammate, he opened up a realm of possibilities that the
serious young man had not felt a need for previously.

Kakashi had tried to find
happiness with Rin, and for several months the
relationship had been pleasant, but it turned quickly poisonous. It wasn�t Rin�s
fault, or Kakashi�s either, but between the two of
them was a name unspoken and an injury unhealed. Truly, Rin only
realized how much she loved Obito only after he was
gone. Every day together felt like they
were reliving his death, his funeral, and with only that binding them together
it wasn�t surprising how quickly Rin became a husk of
a girl. Kakashi
hadn�t realized how much he had need both of them until Rin
was gone. There was no one left,
absolutely no one, who he could share his pain with. The scar and Obito�s
eye were a constant reminder of both of them. But Rin and the
brief affair they had shared were allowed to drift to the back of his
mind. It didn�t seem to him as if
staying a bachelor were a bad thing, as the years wore on, because after Rin he couldn�t hold on long in personal interactions. It was Obito�s wish
for both of them, but Kakashi couldn�t move fast
enough emotionally to preserve her, and he didn�t want anyone else.

He wanted Rin and Obito back.

In Sakura, he saw a way to make it right with Rin. In Naruto, a way to apologize to Obito. But Naruto had a path to follow outside of Konoha. . .

When Naruto left, Sakura felt to
him more like Rin than ever. She began to take up her medic training under
Tsunade, her caring and strong love for her
competitive teammates giving Kakashi a pain in his
chest when he looked at her. It was as
if the clock had been turned back. He
had contented himself with making sure she was happy, in a passive way that was
more mental inside of him than tangible, and tried not to take it any
further. It was out of his hands. He tried to assume a sense of apathy, but it
became increasingly difficult as she got older and neither Naruto
nor Sasuke returned.

The transformation was complete the day he found her,
sitting in the ramen shop with a medical text open in front of her and she had
looked up at him with unseeing eyes to greet him. She was taking a test to become a jounin soon, and he knew she would probably pass it. Under a dedicated teacher she had blossomed,
and Kakashi felt a twinge of guilt about having
abandoned her. He had never been her
teacher, not in reality.

It wasn�t the tone of her voice, of the style of her hair
and clothes that reminded him, or even the medical text, but the emptiness in
her eyes. Kakashi
knew that emptiness too well. Sasuke,
and maybe Naruto as well, had rent tears down her
soul leaving her with the same emptiness in her heart that Kakashi
sported even now. The pain didn�t go
away, the love and devotion that she may have not even been aware she had
attached herself with to her teammates was in tatters. And still she clenched onto it, selfless and
patient. It was possible she was even in
more pain than he had been, because she had to live with the knowledge that
they were out there somewhere, and she had been left behind.

Casually, he offered to help her practice for her exam, to
train with her and give her a chance to go over anything she was unsure
of. It was a bold move on his part, but
he felt like it had to be done. In a way
he knew what he was doing, what he was manipulating them towards. He was starving inside for someone who was
just like him, who was bent and cast aside by life but still going
forward. They were the ones who were
left behind. For the first time since
they had met, he looked at her as a person and not an extra, a nuisance.

A moment passed by, then more, but with a gentle smile she
accepted. Truly her mental process was a
mystery to him. Anyone who had enough of
a split personality to shrug off the Yamanaka family special jutsu would no doubt have a long internal decision making
process. Tension in his body which he
hadn�t realized he had suddenly released as did his breath with a whoosh. Kakashi took the
stool beside her and they ate in silence, Sakura studying and sometimes
glancing over questioningly at Kakashi. He ate and left without saying anything
besides good-bye.

She actually showed up to train with him, saying nothing of
his lateness. His timing had been
calculated this time, to gauge her reactions.
She seemed to be too young to be so seriously devoting herself to being
a ninja like this, but Tsunade had demanded total
commitment from Sakura and Sakura had responded to authority well as she always
had. Kakashi,
however, had lost his position as an authority figure to the girl and she
wasted no time in impressing upon him the consequences of taking her too
lightly. He was sure she could pass on
to being a jounin, but he said nothing and they
continued to train until her test.

Naturally, she passed.
Kakashi did not go to congratulate her, he instead went to the memorial to meditate on Rin and Obito once again.

�It isn�t the same.� Kakashi confessed to both of his long deceased
teammates. �She isn�t you, either of
you, and this won�t bring you back.� He
didn�t mention to them his fears, his temerity over confronting whether he was
using her to make himself feel whole or not.
Every time they met seemed to push it a little
further.

The training didn�t stop.

They both had missions, always there were missions, but it
was an unspoken agreement between them that if there was time, then they would
meet up to train and afterwards they would go get a meal. Sure there were rumors, but they died down
almost as soon as they began. Kakashi was a confirmed bachelor. Sakura used to be his student. It was assumed they were taking comfort in on
another�s company as many teams did.
After all, each was the only one left of their respective teams, it
seemed only natural.

When Sakura had saved up enough money, he helped her move
her material possessions and some cheap furniture into a small apartment across
town from where her parents went about their middle class lives. Her mother, too young to be motherly to him,
but too old to not treat him like just another boy her little girl knew,
thanked him and insisted on feeding him.
Uncomfortable with the idea of familial intimacy, even second hand, he
had started to think up an excuse, his one visible eye flickering to the side
as he thought. Sakura had saved him,
laughing about how they already had plans to go out because she owed him for
helping to move all her junk. They
didn�t have any such plans and Kakashi thought to
himself that she was beginning to understand him, perhaps.

This is what he wanted, right? To share intimacy with
someone again, on some level?

The intimacy question bothered him the more he thought about
it, as his mind warped what he wanted.
At some point this had stopped being about Rin,
stopped being about apologizing for being uncaring, unobservant, and reckless
in his youth, and it had become about being around Sakura. Kakashi tried so
hard to see her as Rin, but, oddly, it was now
memories of Rin that were leading to memories of
Sakura: the training sessions, the smug way she settled arguments, the lonely
wait she continued which she was getting good at hiding as she gained
experience in the world.

It was before he knew it that the trap closed around him and
her both. She had been vulnerable,
wanting, and he had taken advantage of her weakness to insinuate himself in her
life. He had become a crutch for her, he
thought. More accurately, she had become
a weakness for him. All
this time Kakashi had managed to keep away from
taking things that final step, from crossing the line of emotional connection
into a physical one. Certainly he
thought about it, often in fact, but he was too aware of the problems inherent
in that kind of arrangement. Not that it
stopped him from pushing the boundaries unconsciously, brushing dust from her
jacket after he had knocked her in the dirt while they practiced taijutsu, folding his hands over hers to correct the order
of her seals sometimes. . . it added up.

Possibly, what happened was inevitable.

*
*
*

�Kakashi. . .� Sakura looked
up at him warningly, even now that she had passed her teens she had not grown
tall enough to come close to looking him in the eye. �You�re going easy on me again. I won�t improve if you don�t push me.� Some sweat dripped from her forehead onto the
ground as she held her sides and panted slightly.

His one eye was squinting out a smile. �If I go any harder on you then I�ll have to
use my sharingan.�
It was probably a joke, she wasn�t at his level and they both knew it.

�Then why don�t you?�
She had asked him this before and already knew the answer.

�It isn�t something meant to harm the people I�m supposed to
protect.�

Sakura sighed. She
supposed it was too much to hope that he�d say something different, something
that would single her out as more special than the other people in the village,
or the other people who he knew.

�Again?� He didn�t bother to take a defensive stance,
but she knew he would be ready if she wanted to start again.

The sun was getting low.
They had trained later than this before, but she was feeling more beat
up than usual. While Kakashi
had been resting until his next mission, Sakura had been out yet again with a
team fulfilling her duties primarily as a medic. There were still so few qualified medic-nin that Sakura found herself
constantly busy. When it wasn�t
assignments, she was fulfilling requests specifically for her at the hospital
in Konoha. Her
notoriety as Tsunade�s pupil had made her a busy
woman at home or away from it.

�No, I think you win for today.� She smiled, raising a hand to block out the
bright setting sun which backlit Kakashi. How like him to put her facing the sun, always
taking every little advantage. �For today.� Sakura
added with emphasis.

They packed up gear and Sakura pressed a hand to her
forehead, trying to remember something.
Oh yes, how could she forget, September had
begun only two days ago. That meant. . .

�Are you doing anything for your birthday this year? The fifteenth is rolling around.�

�No.� He didn�t pause
in cleaning off the last of his kunai and putting them in his pouch.

�What if I did something for you?�

�You don�t need to do anything.� The way he said it, she knew he was serious,
but she also knew that what was going to happen was exactly what happened last
year. She would come
beating at his door and find him facedown and sleeping in a pile of dirty books
with a TV going playing old infomercials in the background. Kakashi�s life
wasn�t dissolute so much as eccentric and slightly
sad.

The walked over to the Ichiraku
for some ramen, something that Sakura had been in the habit of doing since Naruto left. She
didn�t particularly like ramen, but it was comforting to try to recapture the
feeling from the old days every now and then.
It didn�t do anyone good to dwell, but to avoid the memories entirely
would consign her precious people to a kind of death. And Sakura had seen enough death. Her faith in them was not so easily shaken,
but the long years had driven most of her feelings for both of those important
people to a kind of dormancy.

It would have hurt more if Kakashi
hadn�t been there.

His warm hand guided her to her seat, probably
unconsciously. She had learned over the
years that if he had to touch her, there was increasingly palpable
hesitation. This rare instance was one
of those habits he wasn�t aware he did.
She wasn�t going to disillusion him and stop it,
it was nice to be touched by someone outside of her family in a non aggressive
manner.

Cripes, get a pet, you
whiner. She shushed the fed up inner
voice, but she did dislike how even now she had to take what was offered. Sakura wanted to take what she could get, and
a certain portion of her mind was beginning to assert more often that Kakashi was totally �get-able�.

True there were other attractive and available men in her
age group, but she was held back by a few things from seeking a relationship
with one of them. The first was that she
was on active duty more frequently than the average ninja. Any person she was with would have to deal
with her constant absence. The second
was that Kakashi fulfilled most of what she wanted
out of a relationship, friendship or otherwise, and other than going out for a
meal with others every so often Kakashi was the one
who she spent most of her time off with.
He was comfortable, and that was so easy when she was home and tired. The third reason. . .

The mask only pulled down for a fraction of a second as he
slurped up the ramen, but Sakura saw it out of the corner of her eye. He was still bashful about it, but a man had
to eat. What Kakashi
held under his mask was a face no more scarred than the average ninja his age,
and certainly not ugly to her. There was
the distinctive lack of laugh lines, but then that was common for ninjas in
general. It wasn�t a happy job.

You�re young and
nubile. And I�m sure he knows a thing or
two after all those dirty books of his. . . If she could have hit herself,
she would have, but a sudden slap to the forehead would only make her forehead
tingle.

�Sakura?�

�Hmm?� She looked at him with a too-bright
smile. She hoped, as always, that that sharingan of his couldn�t read minds.

�Not hungry?� It was
his turn to treat. She didn�t want to
waste his money, so she slurped up the ramen quickly while he waited. One of the most aggravating things he did was
wait. Kakashi lived at a pace that she couldn�t understand. He took his time, he made his plans, and then
he had the patience to wait as long as it took to make them happen. She respected him for it, so did a lot of jounin, but often this patience smacked of laziness.

They thanked the proprietor and continued on their way. He would walk her to her apartment and then
say goodnight and then she would sleep off the effects of the past mission in
the comfort of her cushy bed. It was the
only thing she had spent a lot of money on after she had become a jounin. Most of her
medical texts had been gifts from friends, family, and Tsunade. People always gave her books, only
remembering her for her mind when they had to make a snap judgment about
gifts. The bed had been for her, a
luxurious retreat for when she actually had an off day.

Too bad it was so big and lonely.

What? It wasn�t me this time. Well, maybe in a roundabout way it was. . .but you did it to yourself.

Damn.

Her fingers brushed his as they walked, but neither one
moved those extra inches to keep it from happening. Sakura used to read little signs into what
boys did, and she was tempted to do the same now. Ino had always
assured her that boys weren�t that complicated.
They had needs and wants, and some capitalized on them more than
others. Then again, the trick was finding
the ones that they couldn�t deny. That
assured victory. It wouldn�t do her any
good to call up Ino when she got home,
Sakura had to make a decision now. And
while she had always been good at asserting herself, Sakura had never been
comfortable leading. Getting Kakashi in the position she wanted him in, (her inner voice
chuckled and she ignored it) Sakura would have to take the lead.

Maybe she could phrase it about helping her. About tension release and
comfort zones. It could be
friendly. It could be simple.

Right.
Sure. What other lies do you want
to tell tonight?

Fine, she could be honest.
Go out on a limb. . . but the prospect of driving him away worried her
so badly that she bumped into him as he stopped at the bottom of the stairwell
that led up to her small living quarters.

�Can I call in a favor?�
Her clever brain found a solution, sort of.

Kakashi�s hooded eye widened. �That depends, I suppose.�

�My body is killing me, and I�m exhausted. Could I convince you to give me a quick backrub. It would
really help me sleep. . .�

If he was going to protest, she wasn�t sure, but it was more
likely that he would simply flat out refuse her rather than discuss it. His eye softened back to its usual
position. �Quickly. Though you should see a profession if it�s
that bad.�

�You know about ninjas and medics. . .� She tried to chirp out a laugh, but it was
more cough in her dry throat.

�I would think you would know better than anyone that
receiving aid from another isn�t a sign of weakness, it�s a sign of
friendship.�

Friendship. Ouch.
This was not starting out on the right foot. Then again, she was unsure about what she
wanted at any rate.

They made their way up the outside stairs, the metal
creaking under their weight but never collapsing. It had held through the destruction of the
village almost a decade ago, it would hold a little longer. Her key opened the door to rooms where stale
air lingered. Sakura opened windows and
let out the musty heat, leaving Kakashi in the living
room space as she went back to change her clothes. It might come on too strong to return dressed
in her underwear, plus she wasn�t looking to seduce just to suggest. It would be nice if she could have more
physicality, more hugs, maybe a kiss.
Was that too much to ask?

Not enough if you ask
me.

No one asked you.

She came back in a loose shirt and shorts. Enough of her was covered, but she still felt
bashful with the lack of bra and other chest bindings letting a little more
bounce lie in her step than she had expected.
Kakashi�s eyes didn�t stray from her face.

�Lie down.� He said
it so calmly, but Sakura didn�t feel as composed as he seemed to be.

They didn�t speak to one another, and Sakura laid down on the floor and allowed his long fingered hands push
at her upper shoulders. Those hands of
his didn�t go any lower than the bottom of her shoulder blades, and she mumbled
something about her lower back to indicate to him that it wanted attention too. He only hesitated a moment before he
complied.

She was actually starting to relax. It hadn�t been a lie that she was tense. Of course, now that she was relaxing, she was
becoming more aware of Kakashi�s breathes. They were too even, they were measured. He was being put under stress if he had to
take controlled breaths. Maybe this was
being more effective then she thought it was.

Summoning up all her courage, helped along by the
effectiveness of the massage itself, Sakura quickly flipped over. Kakashi found
himself with one hand cupping one of her breasts while the other brushed her
low on her rib cage. Sakura�s hands
circled as much of each of his thighs as she could to try to prevent him from
running away. He had been straddling,
standing on his knees and leaning forward.
Kakashi�s shadow covered her, his face not far
from hers.

It occurred to her, in hindsight, that there were a lot of
things they had never discussed. She
didn�t know that much about this man
she had moved boldly towards initiating physical interactions with. He was her friend, she trusted him, she was closer to him than anyone else. Was that enough?

�Sakura. . .� His breathing was ragged now, as he dropped
the pretense of control. When his hand
started to pull away from her breast, she detached one her own from his thigh
and smashed it back down.

�Don�t say it�s a mistake, and don�t tell me you don�t find
me attractive because I�ll just prove you wrong.� She moved the hand still on his thigh up a
couple inches to make sure he knew she was serious.

Varying emotions passed through that one eye of his and she
thought she knew a few of them, as faint as they would have been for other
people to pick up on: triumph, horror, slyness, and the strong omnipresent vein
of desire. He didn�t react until she
lifted up both her hands to move his head protector.

�No,�
His voice was harsh. �I
can�t be Sasuke for you. I won�t be.�

That�s right when she got mad. �What?�

�You think this,� he squeezed her breast a little and her
body shivered in response. �will solve anything for
you? It won�t. You�ll feel just as empty as before, and then
you�ll hate me as well. I can�t replace
the lost. . .�

�Stop pretending you knew me half as well as you
think.� Her eyes were on fire, just as
her body was, and her glare burned into him.
�I�m not empty. And if you
thought I was, then maybe this is a
mistake because you don�t understand at all.�

She sat up, forcing Kakashi to
rock back and take a seat on her knees. His internal forces were judging, thinking,
reworking, and she thought she would help it along a little bit.

�Why would I spend all these years pining? Yes, it hurts, but I�ve read enough
rudimentary psychology in all those books people are
so eager to give me to know that I can determine my own response to this. I grieved for them, I accepted what has
become, and now I am trying to live in my own present. You�re the one living in the past, Kakashi.�

He looked confused, reflective, and Sakura tried to soften
her flash in the pan temper.

�The Godaime told me many things
about her own past, Kakashi, and she of all people
drilled it into me that she wasn�t going to let anyone repeat her
mistakes. I can�t bring them back to me,
but so what? I have hundreds of people
who I help, who I matter to. It doesn�t
replace anything, but it does give me something new to cherish.� She glowered at him. �Did you think I was so brittle.
. .?�

Kakashi regarded her coldly. �I should go.� He began to rise, but she continued to hold
him down as best she could.

�Please. . .�

�You�re right,� There was a trace of bile in his
voice. �You�re not who I thought you
were.�

*
*
*

Kakashi left her apartment that
evening with a lot to think about.

He had miscalculated.
Sakura, who he had thought would need someone, would need him and who he
had actually made an effort to be close to had in fact turned out to be fully
able to live a life without that aid.
The loneliness he had assumed was there was more likely his own, and he
had superimposed it on her. Stupid.

It was all preordained to be this way, he thought, then
amusedly thought to himself of how that kind of reasoning still sounded false
as it had when he had heard it drop from the Hyuuga�s
lips a few times. No, what had happened
was the thing he had been observing had to change because he was observing it,
because he was there. Why did he think she would be so
�brittle�? Well, Rin
had been. Past experience had dictated
to him that she would have to be the same not because he knew her but because
he had assumed her to be just like Rin.

That image, even the lingering bits of it, had shattered
when he had had to struggle to control himself as his hands had traversed her
body. There had not been that
nervousness, that scary insistence in the back of his mind that he was in free
fall, when he and Rin had tried to close the gulf
between them with physical interaction.

And then Sakura had turned over, and he had followed his
assumptions to conclusions that would have been logical if Sakura had been the
same wounded girl she had been years ago.
Those assumptions had told him that she wasn�t trying to find him, she
wanted Sasuke.
Her reaction, her anger and disappointment in him, had blown him
away. The person she was now was hurt,
but had found a way to go on and still connect to others.

Kakashi wasn�t needed.

His steps slowed.

But he had been wanted.

Doubly stupid. She had filled the empty spots in his life, he had wanted more from her. Sakura gave him everything he had told
himself he wanted and he had thrown it back at her because of his mistake? He didn�t want her for being Rin, he didn�t desire her for it, it was Sakura he had come
to rely on emotionally over time. It was
trust she had never faulted on in any major way, but his crime tonight had been
heinous.

At a run, he tried to get back to her apartment in enough
time that she hadn�t decided to hate him so completely that he wouldn�t be
allowed in.

*
*
*

Sakura blew at her bangs while she scrubbed the shower wall
tiles. She was feeling stressed,
frustrated, scared, and more than a little irate. It was easy to take out her anger on the
mildew that had formed while she had been away, even if most of it was
imagined. This was just a way to relieve
stress. There was no way she could get
to sleep after something like that. Any
benefit from the massage had been canceled out by Kakashi�s
sudden retreat.

This wasn�t her fault, it wasn�t. She hadn�t driven him away and she hadn�t
ruined their friendship. It wasn�t a
mistake and she wasn�t a fool for trying.

You�d think after a few years she�d get better at
approaching men, but this was just as much of a faux pas as when she had been
twelve and gleefully asking Sasuke out for dates at
every opportunity.

Sasuke.

How could Kakashi thing she would
be using him as if he were a substitute for Sasuke?! Sure, there may have been aspects of
nostalgia that were always present when she was around him but why would it be
any worse than when she spent time with Ino, who had
been her rival for his disinterest, or any number of the people who had wanted
to challenge and overcome the genius Uchiha. If all she wanted to do all the time was
wallow in memories, then there were plenty of opportunities.

But Sakura was not so bad of a
person as to lie about her feelings, and if anything she was a little too
honest about them. If she wanted Kakashi it was because she wanted Kakashi. It wasn�t simple and it wasn�t sudden, and
all she could beat herself up over was her poor execution and not her
motivation.

�I see you�re not hurt.�
Kakashi, eyes, yes both of them, folded into
the expression that he had which represented his way of smiling, towered above
her. Sakura suppressed an urge to fling
her wet scouring pad at him.

�I�m sorry.� He said
before she had decided how to react to his intrusion.

Her eyes narrowed. �For what? For
entering my home without asking or for. . . earlier?�

�Both. I knocked but
there was no answer and. . .� He trailed off, looking at a point on the
wall that interested him for some unknown reason. Kakashi walked out
of the bathroom and gestured that he wanted her to follow. Sakura washed her hands and splashed a little
water on her face. Her expression was
grim as she tried to think of what it could be that had brought him back.

It was not in the living room, or even
the kitchen that she found him again but in her bedroom looking at the vanity
mirror over her dresser. While it would
have been her first reaction to yell at him for entering such a private space,
all her thoughts were overcome by the distinct lack of mask on Kakashi�s face while he studied his reflection in the
mirror. Their eyes caught one another in
the glass.

�I look just like my father.
Did you know that?� The corner of
his mouth twitched down, and she only knew that because she couldn�t stop
looking at him. �I thought about going
to Tsunade and asking for surgery to alter that, but
the masks are cheaper.� His eyes were
smiling, but she saw his mouth did not follow suit.

�What do you need to say to me?�

�I�m sorry.�

�You already said that.�
Her unforgiving temper, a trait Sakura shared with her mentor Tsunade, wasn�t about to give up. Sakura�s pride had been damaged badly by Kakashi less than an hour ago.

Seemingly unable to voice what he wanted to say, Kakashi turned and crossed over to where Sakura stood with
folded arms in the doorway. He held her
gaze and then bent down to kiss her.

�Stop.� Sakura had only full realized what he
intended to do a moment before their lips had touched. His sharingan
filled one side of her world and his naturally pale iris filled the other. �Why should I let you now?�

Kakashi, steady, replied before
his mouth covered hers. �Because I think
I know you now.�

There would be more time for discussion about this
later. At the moment that�s all she needed
to hear to send her second thoughts flying out the window. Responsibility had its place, but one of her
quirkier faults was her delight in impulsive and naughty acts such as the
pranks that Naruto used to pull. It was that willingness to be daring, to
forget about consequences, that pushed her mind back and her hormones forward.

While he was getting used to the interplay between them and
the general feel for kissing her, he also seemed to be trying to get the feel
for other things. His hand was slightly
cold as they slid under her grubby cleaning t-shirt and over her stomach to
find a still unbound breast. Sakura
arched into his touch and broke away from their kiss with a sharp intake of
breath as he ran a finger over her nipple to coax it up.

Maybe a year ago, when she had first begun having thoughts
of a less than pure nature about Kakashi as opposed
to the friendship she had relegated him to before, she
would have thought they were moving too fast.
However, in light of how she felt at this time coupled with the further
urgency he was awakening in her, it seemed like they couldn�t go fast enough.

Knocking him back a little with each step, she aimed for
getting them to the bed before her legs gave out from underneath her. Her breasts pushed into his chest as they
moved and his tongue invaded her mouth urgently. Whatever she had said about him being lazy,
no matter how true, didn�t seem to apply to this where he had an abundance of
enthusiasm.

Once they reached the bed, Kakashi
was forced into a sitting position and Sakura sat with knees folded on the side
so that she could straddle his lap. He
pulled her shirt up and off now that he couldn�t quite get to her mouth any
more, and found her breast would suit him just as well. Sakura groaned and rocked back and forth over
him, feeling the press of his erection against the old elastic shorts she had
been wearing while she had been cleaning.

They carried on that way until her rocking motions forced Kakashi to abandon his homage to her beautiful pert
breasts, nipples erect in rosy peaks and glistening from his attentions. His soft looking lips, protected from wind
and cold for years by a mask, were enticing and Sakura drew one of them into
her mouth to suck on and run her tongue over.
Kakashi�s hands worked her back muscles,
grasping and releasing, as he submitted to her maddening seductions.

Sakura captured his lips again and he growled into her mouth
as he ripped off his clothes and laid them both down on the bed, topless. They were looking at one another, but not
speaking, as Sakura pushed off the last of her clothing and dropped it to the
side of the bed. She began to work on
the fastenings to his pants, but he saved her the trouble and did it himself. Naked, they took a long time to simply stare
at one another and adjust to the new and slightly uncomfortable idea of being
bare in the presence of another person.
It was a vulnerable feeling, but exhilarating.

It was Sakura who initiated the touching, as she knew she
would have to in this situation, and her sensitive healer�s fingers ran over
his chest and the scars that lay there up to his shoulder and arm. She tickled his palm before sliding back over
what she had just touched and then lower to his belly to fiddle with the course
hair she found there. This was a lot more strange with him than she thought it would be, more
deliberate for one thing. He seemed
perfectly willing to let this go on indefinitely.

But he stopped her hand when it began to move lower than his
belly, and fingers more calloused than her own folded her hand into a fist
before moving over her arm and shoulders in a similar manner to how she had
treated him. In between her breasts and
down her belly his hands traveled and the fluttering feeling in her chest sped
up as he didn�t stop at her stomach but continued to the juncture of her thighs
and parted her folds to work in a finger.

She rolled on her back and her thighs parted a little to
grant him greater access, and he worked his mouth over the column of her neck
as his finger dipped inside of her a few times only to use the lubrication he
found there to slide over the bundle of nerves slightly above her opening. Only half aware of what was going on around
her, she looked up to see his heavily lidded eyes examining her face.

�Do you think you�re ready?
I can�t wait much longer. . .�

She nodded, hissing out a moan as he withdrew his
fingers. While she was still watching
him he drew his tongue across those fingers that had just been in her and was
so excited by the sight that she just about tackled him to kiss him, driving
him onto his back and pressing the length of his arousal against her
stomach. Sakura pulled back so she could
run her hand over him and he thrust forward ever so slightly in an involuntary
response of pleasure.

Slowly, she eased herself onto him, feeling long unused
muscles stretch to accommodate him. His
hands gripped her thighs, tight and shaking a bit, as her slick sheath
enveloped him. When she had taken his
full length in, he rolled them over again to be on top and began to move inside
of her at a steady pace.

Their hips rocked back and forward, the sound of bodies
meeting and sighs echoing through them.
Sakura was enthralled with his powerfully built body and the feel of his
gliding in and out of her and Kakashi seemed
perfectly willing to carry on at the leisurely pace he had started at.

�Please,�
She said at a whisper, almost afraid to voice her desire. �Harder.�

Kakashi gave a strained little
laugh. �You�re going to be the death of me.� But the speed of his thrusts sped up,
suddenly giving away why they had to be so slow,
because he was losing control the longer he was over her like this.

The increase in friction was enough to bring her primed body
to the brink and she came suddenly when he entered her particularly
forcefully. Her back arched and the
shuddering pleasure forced her to cry out.
The undulations of her body broke Kakashi�s
last shred of willpower to resist what he had wanted to do ever since she had
encased him in her warmth and he joined her in release before he collapsed down
onto her body shining with sweat.

Sakura ran a hand through his hair, feeling his lips curl
into a smile while he lay facedown on her chest. He pulled out of her and they lay together,
touching one another intimately but not necessarily sexually while the full
impact of what they had done washed over them.

Rather than talk about it, both seemed to want a reprieve
from thought tonight.

�The shower�s clean, I just washed
it, after all.� Sakura smiled as he
twined some of her hair around his finger.

�You can go first, if you like.� His eyes smiled even if his face still
refused to in her vision. �Or I can go
with you.�

Sakura offered the smile that he couldn�t. �I think I�d like that.�

Kakashi�s eyes stopped smiling and
his breath caught. He unwound her hair
from his fingers and pulled her into a tight embrace.

�Even if you hate me later, I can�t regret this. Now that I�ve found you, you aren�t getting
rid of me.�

Sakura wanted to laugh, but she also wanted to smack him,
knock some sense into him. �Didn�t I
tell you to have more faith in me?� She
settled for kissing him before knocking that forehead she was so well known for
into his own somewhat sharply. �Now let
me go so we can go get that shower.�
- 6
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