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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
- 59
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59. Heading to Konoha
As I lay in bed in the early hours of morning, I continue to watch my husband sleep. I have risked turning over just enough to see his handsome face. It distresses me that his skin still shows slight signs of malnourishment from the time I spent in a coma. The expression it wears, however, is truly at peace. His dreams are soothing in their own way. He dreams of making love to me, but not in the way I expect. As a lover, Gaara has always been direct, intense, powerful and passionate. I crave the sensations he gives me when he is overcome with desire. These dreams, though, have a different… flavor than I would expect after being apart for so long. In his mind he longs to revel in me – to hold me and savor me.
The babies are calm for the first time in a long time. They are following the pattern I have come to expect. Any time Gaara has to leave they become agitated, frightened and angry. For now, Gaara is with me – closer than he has been for months. It is almost as if they are sleeping peacefully with him. I feel nothing but stillness. If I were not telepathic it might even worry me, but I can still feel the presence of their minds like a whisper of emotion wafting through my senses.
Gaara’s dream begins to flutter in and out of focus. He is waking up. He doesn’t want to wake from his dreams, so he tries to bury his face in the pillows. Instead, his face connects with the bare skin of my back as I roll quickly back onto my side and close my eyes. The sensation of warmth from my skin reminds him of where he is and he bolts awake, sitting upright and leaning over me to analyze the peaceful expression he believes to be sleep upon my face. I feel joy radiate from him, and I turn rubbing sleepily at my eyes to smile up at him.
“You are so beautiful,” he says in his rough morning voice. “My dreams are never close enough.”
“You dream of me huh?” I tease.
“You know I do,” he smirks. He replays a couple of his favorite moments from his dream in his mind, and I feel my desire flare again.
“That’s not fair,” I narrow my eyes at him with a smirk.
“You have to miss me while you’re gone,” he says with complete seriousness.
“Handsome,” I say with a big sigh, “that is not going to be a problem.”
“Good.” He leans down and kisses me with fervor. His hand is behind my head, lifting me to him as his lips drink greedily from mine. I’ve made the mistake of turning towards him slightly, and he moves to trail his hand down my abdomen – the one he believes is still flat.
Shit! I’m not sure I can pull off an illusion that strong in my current state. Suddenly, before his hand makes contact, there is a loud banging on the door.
“Hey Gaara! Mizuke!” Naruto’s ear-splitting voice is coming from the other side of the door, as he continues to knock insistently. “Hey, wake up! You can’t stay in there all day!”
I can see in Nauto’s mind that Shikamaru sent him to check on me, still fearing I would fail. He apparently assumed that Naruto had less chance of being killed for the interruption, but judging from Gaara’s suddenly violent thoughts, he may be wrong.
“I’m going to kill him,” Gaara states in an icy voice, pulling my gown back together to cover me more fully from view.
I giggle and smile up at him, and his expression softens. I try to memorize his features in this moment. I love his beautiful, black-rimmed, jade eyes the most.
“It’s ok, Gaara,” I whisper, “He’s right. I do need to leave early enough today so that we can make enough progress into the desert. I’m not going to be moving very fast.”
He takes a deep breath and gets up from the bed. His fears for me suddenly resurface with a strength that worries me. He looks back, trying to decide if he is doing the right thing in letting me go.
“This is for the best,” I assure him honestly. “I need this Gaara.”
“HEY!!” Naruto shouts again, banging some more. “Are you alive in there?!”
“Naruto!” I shout back. “If you want to live to see tomorrow you’ll give us a minute! Gaara’s about to break your neck!”
The sound of Naruto’s raucous laughter suddenly fills the air. “Yeah right!” he shouts. “I still haven’t kept my promise to get you safely to Konoha! He’ll have to kill me later!”
His voice is strained at the end, because the truth in his words lances pain straight through his heart. Gaara really will want to kill him later, and Naruto drifts off into silence at the thought that he would be right to feel that way. I turn back to my husband and see that he is now fully dressed again in his Kazekage robes. He didn’t bother wearing the hat over, because he knows how much I hate it. He looks to me with questioning eyes.
Should I help you dress?
No, I reply gently, There is no need. Sakura will be in soon to help me get ready for the trip. Would you mind making sure everyone is ready for me? I’d hate to get all the way down there and end up waiting for someone…
My request gives him purpose and he smirks before heading out the door to fulfill it. As he leaves, I feel the babies stir restlessly. As he walks by Naruto, he mumbles, “When you get married… I’m going to rip the roof off of your house on your honeymoon.”
The thought makes Naruto burst into laughter again. He finds it hilarious that Gaara is so easily frustrated. Naruto has never been in a sexual relationship before, so he doesn’t truly get it.
“Hey Mizuke!” Naruto shouts to me with a huge grin. He comes in to sit beside the bed. He waits until Gaara is gone to speak again. “How did it go?” he asks with a suddenly solemn voice.
“Good,” I try to assure him with a weak smile but a tear leaks from my eye. “I think it was good that he… got to hold me again. Even if it was just for a little while… Maybe… maybe it will help.” My voice is hoarse with my lie by the end. “Anyway, I at least feel like I got to say goodbye.”
Naruto’s eyes are squeezed tight and his fists shake ever so slightly. I can’t believe this is happening! He shouts in anger within his own mind. This is so unfair! Gaara shouldn’t have to say goodbye to his wife like this!
“Naruto,” I say putting my hand on his arm and finding my own renewed sense of determination. “I need you to keep it together today. I need you to keep us safe.”
“I will,” he says looking intensely into my eyes. “I promise.”
---------------------------------------------------
As I approach the gates of Suna, I’m trying to maintain my illusion, but it’s more difficult than ever in front of this many people. There was no announcement of my departure, but the normal vendors and villagers are out and about this morning, carrying on with their lives. There is a group of young children playing and kicking a ball through the streets alongside us. They all take note of me as I pass. Many of them smile and wave at me in thankfulness. I also have to keep the illusion maintained in the minds of those watching me leave. Gaara, Kankuro, Baki and a few others from the hospital and from Gaara’s staff are watching me with trepidation from just behind us in the street. They fear me taking such a long trip in such a weakened state.
I am almost to the gate now, but the children are beginning to overwhelm me. It’s as if they know I’m leaving him – and they’re fighting me for all they’re worth. My stomach feels bruised as they kick me again and again. My mind is swamped with anger and terror. It makes my blood run cold. I never would have believed it could be this bad. One of them kicks me and it feels like it bruises my kidney. I gasp and clutch my side. Sakura instantly moves in to support me and hide the movement as best as she can.
What was that? she asks mentally.
Oh God… I moan in response. They’re hurting me, Sakura. It’s terrible. As soon as we’re out of sight… I may need some help. Ahh! I cry as they kick me again. I don’t know if I can do this!
I have my mind completely shielded from Gaara, and I know it’s worrying him, but I cannot possibly shield this level of distraction from his awareness and still let him feel me. Instead, I open my mind to Sakura, Shikamaru and Temari enough to allow them to feel the movement, the pain, and the emotional turmoil. Temari’s shock courses through me.
What’s wrong with them?! She asks in deep concern.
They always get upset when I am away from Gaara, I try to explain. The burn in my mind is back now, and increasing to blinding levels amidst what I’m trying to pull off. They must know I’m leaving him.
The thought distresses all of them. It has always troubled Shikamaru that the children seem to want to remain in Gaara’s presence. He sees it as a bad sign for my chances of survival in the days to come. They begin turning the problem over in their minds, trying to think of some way to help me without showing the reality of my distress.
Suddenly, Naruto’s voice cuts in with an ear-splitting, “Watch out!!”
Pain splits through my skull like lightning and I can feel myself falling.
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I feel… dizzy. I feel… heavy. What… what happened? I can smell something familiar – something sweet and spicy against my face. Naruto? Why do I smell Naruto? Suddenly I feel the warmth of strong arms around me. They are shaking me. My ears start to ring and I can hear his voice. It’s muffled like he’s underwater.
“Mizuke,” he says urgently. “Oh come on, Mizuke! We need you to wake up!!”
When I open my eyes, he is staring down at me in panic. The other shinobi – Shikamaru, Temari with her massive fan, Sakura and Kakashi – have moved around me in a circle, trying to shield me from view.
Oh shit! I realize my illusion is completely gone. I slam it back in place. Something knocked me out!
I flip through their memories and see that the kids, the ones playing ball in the street, kicked the ball off course. It flew out sharply and impacted a small potted plant on a windowsill above us, which came down squarely on the top of my head. Everyone was watching for danger from around us, not above. And everyone was distracted by the babies’ distress. Right on cue, they kick me hard again, and my illusion crumples against the combined physical and mental pain. I try to regain it, but it’s too late.
“Oh no,” I whisper in dread, turning to see Gaara and Kankuro standing only a dozen feet away with shock written on their faces.
They’ve seen everything. They’ve seen the breaks in my illusion, and now they see it completely gone. Gaara saw something additional. He saw sand… he saw it move to shield the huge pregnant belly he still doesn’t fully believe is real from the falling pieces of the shattered pot. He didn’t command it to move. He didn’t see the need to fast enough. The truth hits him like a punch to the gut, but his mind still screams in denial.
But I… I held her… all night… I…
There’s no way!! Kankuro’s thoughts mirror his own. How the fuck could she be pregnant?! How could she hide… that!!?
Both of their minds – and Baki’s and several members of the little crowd – begin resetting. For the others the transition is jarring but relatively painless.
For Kankuro, my illusion is falling away with terrible pain. He leans his body on his puppet with a groan as the memories begin changing. He sees me walking down the aisle in my beautiful dress, then he sees the slight pouch on my belly beneath the soft fabric of the wedding gown. He sees me sitting in the bed in our house, lying to him about my illness, and then he sees the massive pregnant belly staring him in the face the whole time. He sees me lying in the hospital bed yesterday, pregnant and smiling up at him. He realizes I was saying goodbye. He screams in pain and rage just before fainting onto his face.
Beside him, Gaara’s transition is happening more slowly. His mind is still warring against the truth. He can’t believe that he could possibly make love to me again and again without feeling that kind of change in my body, without seeing it. He can’t believe that I could maintain it while he watched me sleep. He can’t believe that I would lie to him – betray him.
Am I dreaming, he wonders. Is this a nightmare?
He sees Kankuro cry out and faint and it nearly pushes him into accepting it. But Temari… Temari is the nail in the coffin. She stands in front of me in a defensive pose. Her eyes are full of pain and fear. Her fan is spread full, trying to shield me – no – to HIDE me, to hide me from HIM.
Temari knows?! His mind screams in rage.
The illusion begins falling away. He sees the fake memories first, and then the real ones slam into his mind with blinding force and clarity. He sees me change through time. It happens so fast. It’s like watching someone flip through a picture book. Each turn of the page is a painful blow. He sees my body growing, changing. He sees me maneuvering him – carefully getting him to hold me differently, to make love to me in new ways, hiding the changes from him. His mind screams in denial and heartache. He falls to his hands and knees at the pain tearing through his skull, and blood begins to drip from his nose onto his hands.
How could she lie to me?! He screams and cries within his own mind. How could she betray me?!?!
The sand around him begins to whip into frenzy. It swirls around his body with rage and death. Everyone in the streets begins diving for cover. They have seen his anger before and they know better than to stay and watch. Then a new phase of the illusion begins to reset. I feel helpless as I watch the change happen from within Naruto’s arms.
His skin begins to burn. Every touch, every caress, and every time we’ve made love… I’ve been altering his sensation as needed to keep the illusion intact. It’s as if his entire body is on fire. He can feel my body against his hands, against his back and his chest. He feels the changes in me shift like the images, growing in speed and sharpening in clarity. The sensation is too much and suddenly… I feel nothing from him. He falls face-first into the dirt and the sand falls lifeless to the ground. A small amount of blood begins pooling beneath him.
“GAARA!!” I scream in terror, pushing against Naruto’s hold on me. “GAARA NO!!” He can’t be dead! God no! It couldn’t kill him! Could it?! Oh my God! “GAARA!!”
Kakashi is beside him in a flash, taking his pulse. “He’s still alive!” he shouts to all of us. “We should move him before…”
I feel blinding rage flash from Gaara’s body like a bomb just before he calls upon his sand and hits Kakashi full force, knocking him across the courtyard. He slowly stands to his feet and when I look into his eyes I am terrified. For the first time, in all the months I’ve known him, he looks at me with eyes completely wild with rage. I suddenly feel as if I’m watching the demon smile at me – as if Shukaku is back and Gaara is gone. He smiles like the devil about to devour a soul. His mind screams at my betrayal. I have lied to him with my mind and my body for months. In this moment, I am practically a stranger to him. No… I am worse. I am the stranger who killed his wife.
“You’ve been playing a very sick little game,” he utters in a guttural tone.
In a flash, Naruto leaps up with me in his arms. I don’t know how he found the strength, but he takes off running out the gates of Suna with me. Kakashi is trying to maneuver back around Gaara from the other side. Shikamaru, Temari, and Sakura are hot on our heels. They watch for an attack from Gaara, but he simply stands there watching us run from him with that twisted smile on his face.
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Love Me When I'm Gone

59. Heading to Konoha