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What is and What Should Never Be	By : QueSeraSera Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1107 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Therapy
- 2-Confusion
- 3-Twitch
- 4-Admittance
- 5-Want
- 6-weakness
- 5
- 6
Chapter 6

�� Neji�s eyes
narrowed.
�� Between yourself and Naruto?� asked Neji, numbly. He was still dazed
from the attack Naruto had launched at him only about fifteen minutes before. His
body still thrummed and vibrated like a struck tuning bell. He continued to
worry whether or not he should have gone after him, bouncing back and forth
between regret and a sense of satisfied duty. But what would Neji have said to
him if he had gone after him? Sorry you misunderstood; I do actually want you,
so bad that I can barely move and the shame of wanting you makes me want to die
sometimes Oh, by the way, I�m learning a jutsu to release the curse mark on
Sasuke so Konoha can get him back and you can both live happily ever after with
each other. What? Don�t worry about me, stupid, just take the fucking gift and
live with it, because that�s what I�m giving you and that�s what you�ll get
from me.
�� He walked
past the new man and into the cabin, still numb, but now more sullen brooding
than his previous panicky shame, and began to prepare the fish to be eaten.
Leaving the door open, he assumed that would be considered as a �Please, do
come in and sit down and tell me what the hell you meant you goddamn bastard,�
but when he turned back around, he saw that the man had apparently considered
it beneath him to come in and sit down, and had also deigned it beneath him to
say that he was leaving, presumably to go find Naruto.
�� Neji�s
chest clenched. What did he want with Naruto? Who was he? Did they know each
other? Did they know know each other?
For some reason Neji�s vision went red and his breathing sped up beyond his
control. So what if the knife got stuck in the cutting board a few times while
he was cutting up the damn fish which had interrupted the� What could he even
call that? Make-out session? But what business was it of his if Naruto knew-knew anybody? It�s not like he had
any true claim on the blond ninja. Quite the opposite, in
fact. Why was he so angry, though? He could barely contain his fury, and
the sense of downright unfairness at
it all. If Naruto was with someone else then what point was there in Neji
trying to help save Sasuke for Naruto? What point was there in him having done
anything he�d done for the past two and a half years? Why had he lived for this
purpose so blindly? Hadn�t he learned his lesson about things like that when he
was still a genin?
�� He just
felt so incredibly stupid. It was not something he was accustomed to, and it
rankled deep.
�� But� A part of Neji resisted the pull to logically reason
this out, a part that wanted to wallow in the self-pity and anguish that he
felt rise like bile in his throat. He quashed it, angry at it being a part of
him and being such a disgusting weakness. And so he used his logic.
�� Was there
really any reason to jump to conclusions? Who really knew what the guy wanted
with Naruto, anyway? It could be anything, and it might not actually be the
thing that Neji dreaded. And besides, Naruto had lots of friends who had become
friends with him in much the same way Neji had. Neji flinched as he reminded
himself yet again that he was nothing all that special in Naruto�s eyes; just
another fucked up person who needed to be believed in, just like all the
others. So, maybe the man was simply another Naruto fan, fucked up and in need,
nothing special, just like Neji.
�� And yet� The man had been so attractive.
�� Neji
slapped the fish on the griddle perhaps a little too hard, though he would deny
any such claim, if ever brought to his attention, and began to cook it, teeth
clenching.

�� Naruto sat
in the cave behind the waterfall, determined to sleep there and perhaps stay as
long as he could without starving or dying of thirst. He truly felt that the
only way he could leave the cave and return to the cabin anytime soon would
have been if Neji came and got him and told him that things were alright. Or,
if word came from Konoha that they could come home again.
�� He was sure
he didn�t deserve any sort of forgiveness at the moment, but maybe in a couple
of days, if he still hadn�t come around, Neji would be feeling generous enough
to let slide a little bit of ramen theft from the store room in the middle of
the night. Other than that, he�d have to keep his distance. Neji was obviously
shocked with him and who knew what else, and who wouldn�t be? Naruto had
practically raped the guy, and only because he was being ignored. What the
hell, right? Did he have no self-control whatsoever?
�� Though,
(and this thought really irked him) what else could he have done to get Neji to
stop ignoring him? A thousand things ran through his mind that he could have
done that had nothing remotely to do with jumping the Hyuuga. He began to think
of a thousand things he would rather have done that would have gotten Neji to
just, you know, knock it off. Over and over he wanted to be one of those super
heroes that could turn back time or something and magically undo what he had
done.
�� And yet� It had been surprisingly nice to lie on top of Neji like that, feel him moving underneath
him, responding to him. A wild thought of had
it been Neji or had it been the fact that he�s male? and
Naruto shoved the thought away as though it were a snake.
�� There had
been a moment or two, (could he be sure?) when Naruto was almost sure that Neji
really could have gotten away if he had really tried, and Naruto hadn�t even
held him down that hard. Did Neji
want it? But then how to explain that noise Neji had made? It scared Naruto out
of his senses.
�� So, awesome
results, right? He had done it in the first place to get Neji to react,
anything would have done right then�a nice violent fight would have been the
perfect salve, bruises and maybe even some bleeding and the possible broken
bone�Naruto�s breath hitched at the thought of the sweet pain� and he rethought
the notion.
�� But Naruto
could have dealt with (hell, would have rejoiced at) anything Neji threw at
him, in any case, after Naruto had sufficiently riled him into a state of hostility
or at least a state of being less of a
bastard.
�� Anything
but that look of complete and utter shock, that stupid lost puppy look that
should never ever be seen on Neji Hyuuga�s face for any reason whatsoever. It
made him go silent inside, with this odd white noise that felt like pursuing
waves of static flowing over him and drowning him so slowly that he was still
breathing.
�� He lay down
on his back, breathing in the moist air, feeling his face glisten and his hair
stick to his forehead and neck. The only problem with the cave, he mused, was
that it was really wet. He hadn�t foreseen that. It probably didn�t help the
whole panicky static wave thing.
�� The light
outside was dimming, and he could see the red glint of the setting sun
filtering through the rush of the waterfall several yards away from his feet.
He turned over on his side to watch the light dim with a heavy sigh�
�� And he saw
a silhouette against the water, shining through. Naruto choked back a scornful
laugh at the rainbows that hovered around the rushing water. Some higher being
or force was mocking him.
�� Naruto
Uzumaki?� asked the muffled voice, still concealed by the white curtain of
water.
�� He jerked
upright. That wasn�t Neji. For some reason he felt the wish to sink into himself and never be seen again.
�� Um� Who is
it?� He replied, unsure.
�� My name is
Hideki. I�m your therapist�s assistant,� the voice was deep and resonant.
�� The man
stepped into the cave, now soaking wet. Ah-ha, Naruto thought. So that�s what a
sex god looks like. He plopped back down on his back, and stared up at the
drippy ceiling of the cave.
�� Is that
so?� he asked, a little breathless. �What the hell you doing
here?� He was disappointed in himself that it held so little of his
usual brazenness and just sounded pathetic and� tired.
�� I was
ordered to come here every Friday evening and continue with your sessions. I
apologize that the therapist you�ve been seeing is unable to make the journey,
but I have been given your file, and as soon as you give me permission, I can
take a look at it and we can continue with your therapy,� the man knelt down
next to Naruto and leaned over him somewhat, to look him in the face.
�� Naruto
sighed. What a beautiful face, he thought. It somehow made him feel safe that it
held little interest for him besides that of aesthetics. It was beautiful to
look at, yes, but not to touch, not for Naruto. Not like he had done with Neji,
and found himself wanting to do again. This was a beauty beyond Naruto�s reach,
and he found himself quite accepting of it. The guy would probably be a pain in
the ass anyway.
�� Quit
talking to me like I�m a mission. I can�t stand that,� Naruto said, trying and
failing yet again to be his usual blaring self. He sighed. Well, maybe tomorrow
after he got some sleep.
�� The man�s
eyes widened, and he smiled, recovering quickly.
�� Alright. So, what do you think, Naruto?�
�� Read the
file, whatever. I don�t care right now. But go away until next week. I�m not in
a sharing mood tonight,� he put his arm over his eyes in a despairing sort of
way and didn�t care that it made him look weak.
�� Hm. Have anything to do with that sweet looking guy you�ve
got back at the cabin?� asked Hideki.
�� Naruto
thought the word �sweet� had never been said so heavily laden with sex before,
and it momentarily stunned him.
�� What if it
does?� muttered Naruto, suspicious and suddenly not liking Hideki at all.
�� Ooh, what
tension,� replied Hideki laughingly. �It�s alright,
I�m not going to steal him from you.� He sat back and crossed his legs Indian
style, leaning back on his palms. The wet clothes he wore clung to him and
showed erect, pert nipples, and Hideki obviously didn�t mind that they were
visible, face twitching amusedly when Naruto�s eyes flicked towards them.
Naruto felt an odd laughing angry feeling at the man�s blatant vanity. �He�s
worried about you, you know.�
�� What?�
Naruto choked. �How do you know??� He demanded, sitting up and looking at the
intruder intensely.
�� Hideki just
laughed lightly again, as though he could see it all so clearly and oh, how
fucking amusing it all was.
�� I don�t
think I even need to read your file, kid. You wear everything you�ve got on
your face.�
�� Naruto�s
first instinct was to get indignant and start yelling that I do not you freaking jerk-face and who are
you calling a kid, but something in the way Hideki said it pervaded a kind of
acceptance, like he didn�t care if Naruto did. It was alright.
�� Hmph,�
said Naruto.
�� He is
worried about you, you know. You should apologize. I�m pretty sure he�d forgive
you without too much fuss.� There was
that kind smile again. Perhaps it was something that was passed down from
therapist to therapist in a sort of master-apprentice fashion. Whatever, it
was� freeing, somehow.
�� You think
so?� Naruto almost whispered, pretending not to care with as much bravado as he
could muster, but belatedly regretting the crack his voice betrayed.
�� Yep,�
replied Hideki, still smiling warmly.
�� Maybe I
won�t have to sleep in the cave after all, then,� said Naruto, staring off at
the fading orange light, and rising to his feet.
�� Well, good
luck,� said Hideki. �I�m heading back home. See you next week, Naruto,� he gave
a friendly mock salute, and disappeared through the rushing white curtain of
water.
�� See you,�
muttered Naruto, feeling a bit more hopeful that he
wasn�t a gigantic screw-up.

�� When he got
back to the cabin, he found Neji washing dishes in the sink, a plate set on the
table with the rest of the fish, some rice, and some pickled vegetables. The
sun was completely down.
�� I already
ate,� said Neji, as though he could see Naruto�s stare from the back of his
head. He could, Naruto mused, and walked numbly over to the table. It looked
good. He hadn�t realized how hungry he was until he was desperately maneuvering
the chopsticks to get the final grains of rice in his mouth. Finally sated, he
noticed Neji sitting across from him, watching him eat with a carefully
schooled expression.
�� Thank
you,� said Naruto, grinning sheepishly.
�� Neji
nodded, stilling watching Naruto with that expressionless (wary?) stare.
�� And I�m
sorry,� he said, averting his gaze. �You know, for before. I� didn�t know what
I was doing.� He scratched the back of his head in obeisance, eyes still
averted. �What can I say? I�m a fucked up person. I�m working on it. Just�
don�t ignore me.� He found a surge of energy through the meal, and showed his
meaning on his face, meeting Neji�s gaze. Naruto�s eyes were fierce and nearly
feral in appearance. �Just don�t. I can�t stand it. I won�t.�
�� Neji nodded
again, his eyebrow quirking in a way that left Naruto unsure. Was that worry? Anger? Sympathy?
�� In that
case, I�m sorry, too,� said Neji. He looked off to the side and crossed his
arms. Was he pouting? Naruto wasn�t sure. �Just� don�t ask me why, alright?�
�� Naruto
nodded.
�� So, thought
Neji.
�� So, thought
Naruto.
�� What now?

(Alright, people. Here�s chapter six, for those of you who
are still reading =). Sorry it took so long. School started just recently, and there
was a bit of a writing slump�i.e., loss of confidence. It should be fine, now,
though. Thing is, with me taking a 16-credit semester, I won�t have nearly
enough time to write this as often as I did before. I WANT to, of course, but
school does come first. I will still be writing and still be posting, because
dammit, I like this story too much to give up on it. And besides I sort of have
something to prove to myself in finishing it eventually. If that isn�t a good
motivation then I don�t know what is. I just thought I should say to those who
like what I�ve got here and want more, please be patient with me and understand
that school is very important and does come first, but there is always going to
be a part of me that yearns to write more of this and that I will do so
whenever I get the chance. I hope you liked chapter 6. (REVIEW) Until next
time! =) )
- 5
- 6
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What is and What Should Never Be