Icha Icha Man of Mystery | By : Araneola Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1432 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
He was halfway through the second reading when the sun began
to set. The last stretching shadows blocked patches of text and the oncoming
night was making it difficult for Kakashi to make out the naughty pictures. It
was time to pack up and head out to the crowded, sweaty, dimly lit bar.
The bar was already in full swing by the time Kakashi
sauntered in. He squeezed through the crowds towards the back, holding his
precious book close to his face as to get in a few more words and he slipped by
and managed to locate the favored corner booth of his friends. It was strangely
quiet as he approached the table, and looked up from some flirty dialogue to
catch sight of Kurenai seated at the table, Icha Icha Romance in hand,
and the rest of the men just sort of staring dumbfounded at her.
Kakashi cleared his throat a little to get their attention.
It was a little like bursting a child’s iridescent bubble. They all pulled
their ogling eyes away from the lone female and frowned at the intruder to
their fantasy land.
“Yo.” Signature Kakashi wave, complete with eye-crinkle. The
guys acknowledged his presence by scooting around a bit so he could slide into
the booth, order a drink, and go back to his lovely dirty book.
“You’ve corrupted her, you know that, right Kakashi?” Asuma
lit another cigarette and shook his head a little with a small, huffy laugh.
Kakashi just gave him an eyebrow lift in return. He looked
at the “her” in question, intently reading and completely oblivious to the
conversation around her. “Huh? Icha Icha is good! Where’s the corruption?”
Genma, seated next to him, responded. “You should see her
read that. She licks her lips and there are these parts where her breath starts
coming quicker and her cheeks flush a little, and MAN you have no idea what kind
of torture it is!” Genma was slouched and sliding further downward in his seat
with a little puppy pout.
Asuma let out a smoky breath. “That’s not even half the
torture. Sometimes she stops and looks at me with watery eyes and then out of
nowhere says something like ‘Why can’t you be like that?’ and before I have
time to even register what’s going on, she’s got her head stuck back in that
little pink book. Girls are fucking crazy, man.”
Genma nodded and groaned his agreement, though only half his
head could be seen above the table by now. Apparently romance was ruining his
lusty, “Master of Sex” appeal. Kakashi could only guess that Shizune had gotten
her hands on a copy and was at home reading rather than boldly going where no
woman had gone before – reading porn in public. Or before Kurenai, at least.
Or before… Ino?
The starlets of his foray into the bar appeared at the
entrance, framed by the doorway, hazy in the smoky light. The pink covers of
his obsession were stretched against Ino’s breasts, most likely packed and
lifted by some ungodly contraption of female ingenuity. Don’t they realize
how fucking impossible bras are? Sakura stood laughing beside her friend,
and smoothed down stray strands of her hair. She was dressed a little less
provocatively than Ino, but that was probably due to the fact that she was
actually wearing clothes as opposed to straps of fabric that begged to be
loosened and unraveled.
Young and beautiful, forces to be reckoned with, for sure. A
man could get hurt playing around with that sort of striking power.
Our masked hero calculated that he could reckon with them
in no less than seven different positions, but the same youth that gave them
such stamina and potential also limited his chances. Beauty like that would have
to be won, romanced and danced and timeless. Endless. Endless even though he
would be gone in the morning, having collected the necessary information from
their parted lips like breathy sighs in the cold, crisp moonlight. This
vendetta was for her. For her last breath that condensed dew drops in the
motionless air. Timeless.
He faded around the shadows and went to work.
Kakashi stared idly at page 27. It was hard to believe that the
greatest pervert of them all, Jiraiya, had ever taken the time to woo the young
ladies with romance and words instead of wooing them with his money. It was
obvious the he had failed to successfully woo Tsunade in his own youth. Perhaps
he was a late-learner; he certainly seemed to capture the last few hopes
twenty-somethings had for true love, whether or not his language was rather…
under par. The hope was buried underneath strips of clothes and sheets tossed
onto the floor during fits of recklessness and lust for Ino, but there were
some things she could never toss away. For Sakura… well, it was hard to believe
that she believed in anything else.
The lithe figments of his sure-to-be wet dreams stalked over
to the table, keeping their eyes about them as though there were someone
missing from the table. Genma, who was until that point still slouched across
the booth, perked up at their arrival.
“Ino, baby!” He shot out of the booth and opened his arms
with the intention of picking her up and twirling her around a little.
“Shizune.” Ino gave a meaningful glare in his direction as
Sakura slipped by and took a seat next to Kakashi. Genma continued to stand
dejected, and as Ino slipped smoothly into the booth commanded him back down
into his seat as a defeated man. Certainly his relationship has started to
affect everything he considers holy if even Ino won’t play along.
There wasn’t even time for greetings around the table as Ino
began to interrogate the men about Gai’s apparent whereabouts, knowing how
deeply engrossed Kurenai was in her book. She received a few chuckles that
escaped from Asuma, and Genma dropped his rejected act at the hint of gossip
about their green spandex clad friend. Kakashi merely kept up the appearance of
being deeply interested in his Icha, Icha and ignored Ino’s question as
he did not know anything about the current situation of Gai, but he wasn’t
about to show it.
“He’s probably recovering somewhere,” Genma started, “but
his partner’s coming over here now.”
The crowd repulsed from the newest entrant to the bar and
she easily carved a direct path to the back booth with beer in hand. Fishnet,
cleavage, trench coat… quite unmistakably the serpent mistress herself, Anko. She
was smiling broadly which had the odd effect of making her look ten times more
psychotic than normal.
“Hey Anko!” Genma braved the first salutation with a bit of
a nervous chuckle. Dealing with the Medusa required tact and strategy, neither
of which he planned on using. He took a large, confident boosting swig of beer
and asked the question that was on everyone’s mind. “So did you have a good
time with G – ”
“Oh my God Kurenai! Isn’t it so good? I just finished
reading it and just had to try out page 54 with Gai today!” Anko rushed over to
the table, ignored Genma completely, and leaned over the table in order to help
turn Kurenai’s pages. Kurenai gave an approving look at the page.
Ino was rapidly flipping through the pages of her own book
in her zeal to find the new magic position. She gave a shout of triumph and she
reached the page and eagerly shared the treasure with Sakura.
“Ooh.” They shared a look of interest and curiosity. As they
tried to figure out the exact position one would have to be in to accomplish
this orgasmic glory, Ino’s and Sakura’s heads tilted slightly to the left.
Anko leaned over to their side of the table and whispered
conspiratorially. “We did it once, but it really felt so much better when we
switched the positions around. God that man has stamina!” She giggled, albeit a
little creepily, and then winked, which was certainly much creepier. The
younger girls just “Ooh”ed once more and shifted to tilt their heads to the
right in order to grasp this newfound knowledge.
Kakashi merely sat frozen in time. He was just a few pages
away and could have easily seen what all the hoopla was about, however, he couldn’t
even wrap his mind around the fact that Anko and Gai were seeing each other,
let alone having sex. He had known the man for years, but after all those
spandex suits it was a surprise that Gai even had the equipment down there. The
last thing he needed was explicit images of the green beast and the snake queen
doing the horizontal twist floating around in his perverted head.
Page 54 is actually a vertical position my young Kakashi.
Even I’m surprised that Gai had the stamina to complete that move…
Kakashi shot Jiraiya, who had found a spot full of busty
young women on the side of the bar, an apprehensive stare. Jiraiya laughed
loudly at his number one fan’s apparent discomfort, and went back to minding
his own… “business”. Kakashi, having confirmed the direction of the twisting,
drained his drink and immediately called for another two. Surely a blackout and
the subsequent hangover could erase these disturbing images. Surely…
“ANKO! My youth filled passionate blossom! I have recovered
from our earlier youthful excursions and the energy of hunting tiger is now
strengthening my body! I am now ready again to experience the heights of my
training with you!” Gai had leapt through the bar, the patrons quickly making
room for him in much the same way they had for Anko. He was currently thumbs
up, teeth-twinkling, striking the good guy pose, but…
“Oh God.”
“I told you he was good, Sakura,” Ino said smugly to her
gaping friend.
“I’m impressed, Anko,” Kurenai stared on in appreciation at
her friend’s new partner.
Asuma had a sudden coughing fit and had to vacate the booth
before the oxygen stopped reaching his brain. There was no helping Genma. At
the sight of Gai, he had curled up into a weeping ball at the end of the booth.
“So… big…” was somehow choked out through the Genma’s
horror.
“Aw, there, there, Genma. At least Shizune doesn’t know!”
Ino made an attempt to pacify the miserable man, but it only made him turn
around in sudden epiphany at her.
“That’s… that’s the reason, isn’t it? The reason I… I couldn’t
make you…” Genma ended his question with a gargled choking sound and round,
wide eyes. The last sound heard from him was the slamming of the men’s bathroom
door.
“I think I need this more than he does right now.” Kakashi
reached across the table and grabbed Genma’s drink. He was going to need a lot
of alcohol to get through the rest of this night.
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