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Hidden Heartache	By : shiinechan Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2057 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 5
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Hidden Heartache

Chapter 6

For the second day in a row, I awoke in an unfamiliar room. Stiff
and tired from a night of tossing and turning. I eased my body up, stretched
the sore muscles, and appreciated the loss of my headache. The sun�s intense
rays filled the room as I made my way towards the bathroom. The short walk
forced me to feel my aching muscles and curse the last few days. The small
bathroom felt inventing with its light green walls and white shower curtain. My
jacket stuck to sweaty soaked skin. I chuckled at the thought of sleeping with
it on as I removed it. The rest of my clothes followed the jacket to the floor
at a painfully slow pace. Everything seemed to hurt this morning.� The full-length mirror reflected back my naked
body. My red swollen eyes looked tired and unfocused. �I touched the tear tracks running down my
cheeks. Light bruising marred my skin. Kiss marks left by Sasuke,
I thought, before turning away, not wanting to look at my body.

The hot water ran down my back as I scrubbed the grunge and
sweat. My skin started to wrinkle but the hot water enticed me to stay longer
to clean the dirt away. I groaned when the water turned cold, forcing me from
my sanctuary.

The last few days replayed in vivid detail. My thoughts
wandered too long on the memories that needed to be forgotten.
�Damage control,� I whispered and started to think. Sasuke
wouldn�t want anyone to know what happened. In the beginning,
he would hate me, but I could get his trust and friendship back. Eventually he
would get over it, but if others knew what happened, he would appear badly in
their eyes and, in turn, he would become disgusted with me. The cold stares and
judgmental people had power. They could change people because their opinion
mattered. �Sasuke
and I could work this out, but not if others got involved. This would have to
remain a secret between the two of us. Sasuke would
keep it a secret. He never talked about his personal life and thoughts. Besides,
he would never admit to sleeping with another man. No, he would if it benefited
him, but our situation didn�t. He had nothing to gain
but to humiliate me and he wouldn�t be angry enough to
do that.

When Sasuke awoke, I needed to be by
his side, the first face he saw. If he blurted something out while groggy, it
could be devastating. A bedside vigil was needed. Kakashi and Sakura would be concerned and confused. They
would try to convince me to leave like last night, but eventually, with careful
planning, they would believe guilt forced to remain by his side, and that was
true but not in the way they would think. Then when he
opened his eyes, still weak from the poison, I would convince him to keep our
secret. Yes, this plan would work.

I bolted out the door and down the stairs. Kakashi�s called out, �Naruto,� before
I could get away.

�What?� I asked looking back at him. �I�m in a hurry.�

�What about breakfast?� he asked.

My stomach growled. It had been days since I�d last eaten, but now wasn�t the time. I needed to see Sasuke. My heart raced, imagining Sasuke
sitting up having a long and enlightening conversation with Sakura. �I am going
to eat at the hospital.�

�Here,� Kakashi said, passing an
apple. �You can eat this on the way.� We walked in silence, until Kakashi spoke. �I�ve never seen you this concerned about Sasuke. I didn�t realize you were so close.�

My blood ran cold. �What do you mean?� I asked.

�Last night you refuse to leave him. Now you won�t stop to eat
and you�re rushing to the hospital.�

Kakashi saw too much. He was
always watching. When I fought with Sasuke, I�d imaging him grinning or smirking under his mask. Sleeping
with Sasuke convinced me that I loved him. It wasn�t lust like I�d originally thought. Over the years, Sasuke became the most important person in my life and the
dreams told me what I wanted and needed from him. With my feelings settled, I
was ready to deal with all questions that might arise. �I blame myself for him
getting hurt.� I did feel guilty about that and would show the guilt over my
failure as a ninja. It might not have been the entire truth but it was part of
it and the best way to hide a lie was in part truths. I continued to explain, �Besides
the bastard might retell the story from the part where I got hurt and leave out
his own difficulties just to make himself look better,� I said, adding a
competitive edge to my reason.

�Does it bother you he might tell a different story?�

�What?� I asked.

�You said you wanted to be there when he woke because he
might leave a few things out.�

Damage control I thought. �Kakashi
I want to be there when he wakes up. His fever was high and I couldn�t help him. I need to make sure he is ok.� After I
said it, I realized it was true and even if I didn�t
have ulterior motives I would still be doing the same thing.

Kakashi�s mask bunched up and his
eyes shut.� I could see the outline of a
smile forming on his lips.

Apple juice dripped down my chin. My stomach�s empty pit
started to fill and demanded more. The hunger hit me harder than before because
now my body knew what it wanted. I paced myself forcing the apple down slowly,
hoping I didn�t look like a pig. Kakashi
walked in front, leading us to the hospital. I vaguely remembered the way, so I
followed his lead. The hospital stood out among the other buildings. The modern
large exterior was hard to miss.

I threw the chewed up apple into a garbage bin before climbing
the steps. �We went straight to the
second floor, where Sakura waited. �Sasuke should be
waking up soon. His fever is down and the drug�s effect should be gone in the
next few hours,� she said, smiling.

�So he will make a complete recovery?� I asked.

�Yes Naruto he will make a
complete recover,� Sakura reassured.

�Can I sit with him?� I asked. My lips curved up into a
smile, pretending that the news of Sasuke�s
complete recover helped turn me back to normal. �I want to be there when he
wakes up, so he can see the best ninja. After all, I didn�t need hospital
care,� I gloated.

�Sure Naruto,� Kakashi
said, adding, �I have to take of some business but I will have breakfast sent
to you. Sakura you�ve been here all night you should get some rest.�

�I will, if there�s any��

��Of course I will
call you.� I said, cutting her off and smiling before turning to enter the
hospital room.

Sasuke�s pale skin almost matched
the white sheet underneath him. His face relaxed in sleep with neither the
stress nor the sadness that consumed him by day. I expected some discomfort or
pain but couldn�t find any trace of it. He looked
younger. �I lifted my hand over to brush a
piece of hair out of his face. �

When Sasuke first returned, the
people in the village treated him with a mixture of hostility and indifference.
They hated him one moment and the next they didn�t
care. The village wanted the Uchiha bloodline to
continue. Sasuke returning and not serving prison
time, but only receiving a slight reprimand proved that. When someone leaves
their village and the repercussion is a year of house arrest followed by no
solo missions, it�s not hard to see how unfair things
can be. I didn�t hate Sasuke
for his fortune. In fact, I was happy to have him back. �While he was gone, I dreamed of saving him,
talking with him, or being with him but not in an erotic way. No those dreams
started after his return.� As a child, I admired
him and wanted to be like him, and those feelings continued after his return,
but along the way, my admiration turned to lust and desire.

At first, it was hard to reform our group. Sasuke and I had issues from the time he left Konoha, but slowly we worked them out and became closer. I
no longer competed with him, he was friendlier, even to the point of inviting
me out to lunch, which led to a weekly tradition of going out for ramen, and
sometimes Sakura and Kakashi would join us. This year
he gave me a birthday present. I�ll never forget that
day. He wrapped it in blue cloth. I was sitting on a large rock by the training
grounds and the fact he remembered my birthday shocked me and getting me
something, well that was too much to process at one time, which was apparent when
I fell off the rock.� He proclaimed it wasn�t much, but a coin given to him by his father had to be
worth something. I can still here his words, �Here, it�s not much but you
risked a lot for me and helped me get back my life. This coin is my last connection
to my childhood dreams. I can�t have those dreams but at least I�m closer here
in this village.�

I realized later he was saying goodbye to his past. His
action told me, he wouldn�t chase Itachi
or power anymore. We were friends and his gift showed that. Sometimes I
questioned our friendship. During our training, I once did a super cool move
and pinned Sasuke to the ground and he exploded. His
face turned red, he threw me off him and walk away, leaving me to train alone.

I continued to watch him sleep, wondering if he would do the
same for me if our positions were reversed. I want to say yes but I�m not sure. Besides my motives for being here are not
innocent, so I can�t really complain.� �

After hours of holding a bedside vigil, my mind started to wonder.
In simple terms, I was spacing out. I didn�t realize
he was awake until he spoke in a raspy voice I barely recognized, �Dobe are you trying to look stupider than normal.�

�Sasuke, you�re awake!�

�Water,� he squealed out and I filled a cup and brought it
to his lips. His hands came around mine as he took the glass. I helped lift it
to his mouth. His hands enclosed around mine. My skin tingled where he touched
me and memories of his fingers touching and exploring my body played in my mind.

�How are you feeling?� I asked, my voice stuttering.

�How long have I been here?� he asked, avoiding the
question.

�Since last night, you had a high fever when Kakashi and Sakura found us.� I told him, watching his face
closely for any reaction.

�Yeah, we were separated and you were hurt. Are you ok?� he
asked. I wanted to laugh at his concern. I wasn�t in a
hospital bed. I nodded and his worried expression turned dark. �How could you
have been so stupid?� he asked.

�I�m sorry,� I said cutting him off from anything else he
might say. I didn�t want to hear any negative
comments. �I didn�t know�.� I started to say before he cut me off.

�You didn�t know! I�ve been watching you.�

�It�s not what you think.� I said, jumping out of the chair.
�I�� what could I say? I had sex with him and now he was angry. �Sasuke, I�m�.� What sorry? It was
a mistake and it shouldn�t have happened? I didn�t know? None of those things would make it better or change anything.
I almost lost it. I could feel my vision blur and soon the tears would start.
Yeah that�s just what I wanted to do, cry and beg him
to forget. I didn�t think it was possible to humiliate
myself and further then I already had but I was wrong. Crying hysterically
would do it.

�Calm down. Don�t you think you�re
over reacting a bit? It was stupid to pretend to be well when you couldn�t fight, but you�ve done stupider and more impulsive
things in the past and didn�t cry over it. Are you ok?� Sasuke
asked, looking at me concerned.

My mouth opened and words came out, �I was feeling a little
sick but we were almost there. I don�t like to be weak and needy,� I said but my
mind was somewhere else. Why wasn�t he talking about
what we did? Did he not care about what happened at all? Did he not want to
mention it? Maybe he wanted to pretend it never happened or he wants to watch
me squirm before throwing it out in the open. He looked tired but still lucid. ��Sasuke what did you
mean when you said, you were watching me?� I asked.

�Baka, you couldn�t concentrate.
It took all your strength to keep up. There was something wrong and you were
hiding it.�

�I remember fighting. My head hurt, my vision started to
blur, and I passed out.�

�The fight was almost over. You had problems from the
beginning. The battle didn�t� last much longer and before they left they shot
darts at us. I managed to dodge most of them but one. I realized it must have
been poisoned or drugged, so I picked you up and started to look for shelter. I
found a large mound of ice and created a cave. I went back and made a fake
trail just incase, but they weren�t after us. During
that time, I became tired and I barely made it back. I just managed to hang up
our wet clothes before falling asleep. What happened next?�

I paused and stared at him. Did he not know? Did he want to
forget or pretend it never happened? Maybe the drug affected his memory. �When
I awoke the next morning you had a high fever, so I carried you. I didn�t know which way to go, but I headed up. Sakura and Kakashi found us, probably with the help of his dogs and
then you were brought here.� I said, leaving out some parts.

�I see. Why are you still here? I been awake for a while
watching you stare off into space.�

My eyes widened, �I�m here to make sure your alright.� I
responded.

�I didn�t know you cared,� he said smirking.

�I�,� I paused and collected my thoughts. �Sakura stayed all
night and Kakashi had business to take care of, so
that left me.� But I wanted to stay, I said to myself.

�I�m awake now, so you can leave.�

�What?� I asked.

�As always to slow to understand.
Get out,� he ordered

�You�re throwing me out?� I asked but already knew the
answer.

Sasuke never repeats himself, so
he just stared. His expression said everything. My presence was no longer
wanted or required. At that moment, I knew. He didn�t
remember. I don�t know how I was certain but his expression
told me everything.

�Well, since our hero will be alright then I better go. Bye
asshole.� I said walking out the door. I let our conversation slip back into its
regular form. I hid behind my mask refusing to allow him to see my pain.

I headed towards the inn. This time I knew the way and
walked back, through the crowds. Sakura was exiting as I was arriving. �Why
aren�t you at the hospital?� she asked.

�Oh Sasuke�s up and he kinda throw me out.� I said laughing.

�Naruto what happened?� She was
frowning, looking intently at my face until she focused on my eyes.

�I was a little annoying.� I said, but I didn�t
know how. �It doesn�t matter. At least now, I can get some more sleep.� I said
walking past her.

�But you wanted to see him and make sure he was alright. He
shouldn�t have told you to leave.�

�But he is alright. Besides, I�m
tired and hungry. Want to join me for a late lunch?�

�No I should go check on the patient. See you later Naruto.�

�Bye.� I said and walked to my room. Sasuke
didn�t know, so everything should be ok. Now, I needed
to forget what happened. But could I? And why did my chest hurt so bad? This is what I wanted. It
never should have happened and now I could hide the truth and it would be like it never did happen. I should be happy.� Everything is just the way I wanted it, so
why am I crying?

-
----------------------------------------------

AN:�
Thanks to all the reviewers. Your comments and reviews show me what
works and what doesn�t. I hope the chapters are not
too long maybe I should shorten them.�
Unfortunately, Naruto is going to be suffering
for a while longer but things will work out in the end. I hope everyone keeps
reading and reviewing. Chapter 7 is almost done but it
still needs to be edited and without a beta reader, it takes a while to correct
my mistakes.� �
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Hidden Heartache