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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
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56. Black Bishop
After my little group decided on which players needed to be brought in to make everything as safe as possible, we were still able to discuss plans for an hour or so more. It was decided that we still have to attempt to move me to Konoha – and soon. It should be easier to achieve now that I am awake. I am working on convincing Gaara that it is medically necessary, and that he should stay behind to help with the continued rebuilding of the village after the attack. That’s going to be easier said than done.
He sits with me now, helping me sip ramen broth through a straw. I hate being so restricted when he’s here – stuck from the shoulders down in this metal tube – but the illusion is harder to maintain than ever. Gaara would want to touch me endlessly if I were accessible. I’ve tested my illusion at only a minimal level with Kakashi, trying to regain some of my strength, and the burn in my mind is terrible.
“I love you,” Gaara says in the deep sexy tone I’ve come to love so much. He nuzzles my cheek with his nose and then pulls back to look into my eyes. I kiss the kanji on his forehead.
“I love you too, handsome,” I say with a smile. “I’m sorry I scared you so badly.”
“Swear to me you won’t try something so dangerous again,” he whispers, and a tremor races through him at the thought of my lifeless face lying in this bed.
“I can’t do that,” I ague, closing my eyes. I already have plans to do something much more dangerous.
He narrows his eyes at me as his temper flares. You nearly died!
“So did you!” I shout at him. “Have you forgotten that?! We were ALL in danger, Gaara. If I hadn’t done what I did, we BOTH could have died.” I pout. Besides, I thought what I did was pretty impressive.
He smirks despite his aggravation. “Yes. Kankuro said you made normal puppetry look like child’s play. He was… jealous.”
He remembers the look of worship on Kankuro’s face as he tried to describe how I caught Gaara and used his body to bend the sand to my will.
“I’ve spoken with Tsunade about documenting the jutsu you used in Suna’s records,” he continues. “It will be considered forbidden.”
“Why?” I ask, frustrated and confused.
“Because any caster of that jutsu would be risking their life in chakra drain,” he explains. “Even with both of us, the drain did this to you. It’s much too dangerous.”
I pout, but I have to admit it makes sense. He sighs and leans down to kiss my neck sensuously. I can feel all the blood in my body begin to heat at his touch. I have to remind myself that I CANNOT leave this tube – no matter how much I want to. He nips at my earlobe gently and then pulls back to look into my eyes again.
I’m not… angry about what you did. You saved the village. He struggles to explain the source of his anger, and his brow furrows in thought. “I’m angry that you were willing to give up your life. You are… everything.”
“Gaara,” I hedge, trying to approach the subject very, very carefully. “I love you, and it makes me so happy that you love me too. But… I cannot be your whole life. I can’t be your reason for living.”
Gaara lifts his face to the ceiling and closes his eyes in reflection. “When I was younger,” he begins. “I believed that I existed to kill. The experience made me feel alive and gave me purpose. When I fought Uzumaki Naruto for the first time, he showed me that there was something better. Hate, love, and even joy… to share them with someone… is better than any of them experienced alone. I became Kazekage because I wanted someone to need me… not as a weapon, but as someone to share those experiences with. The people need me now, but I still felt… alone.”
He looks back down to my face with a warm and rare smile, and kisses my cheek softly –running his fingers through the hair beside my face.
“When you arrived, I couldn’t believe that someone could… want me, instead of simply needing me. YOU give me purpose, Mizuke. I want to share everything with you. There is nothing I would not do to protect that… to protect you.”
“You are not simply Subaku no Gaara anymore,” I whisper, trying to make him understand. “You are Suna’s Kazekage. You have a responsibility to this village and to protect its people. I saw how you looked when I woke up.” He turns his face away, ashamed of his weakness. “It is NOT weakness to love someone, or to be in pain when they are taken from you. But it breaks my heart to think of what would have happened to you if I HAD died. There is no way for me to promise you that nothing will ever happen to me. People die. You must be able to move on with your life.”
His mind reels with pain and he clutches his shirt front in his fist. The image of the stone striking me in the head during battle flashes in his mind. “I don’t want this life without you.”
“That’s selfish,” I challenge him. “How would you feel if our roles were reversed? What would it feel like to know that I would simply choose to die if I lost you? To know that I wouldn’t fight?” The idea makes him blindingly angry and afraid. He doesn’t want to think about it.
“This is a foolish argument,” he says. “Neither of us is going to die.”
Suddenly, the door to my little room slides open and Baki walks in. He is in his standard desert shinobi uniform with his face half-covered by a long draped cloth over one side.
“I apologize for the intrusion, Lord Kazekage,” he says with a slight bow, “but you are needed at the tower. Lady Mizuke, I am glad to see your health is improving.”
From his thoughts, that is the understatement of the century. Baki was apparently terrified that I would never wake up. Baki’s fears were severe and he was helping considerably – taking as much of the duties as possible from Gaara. However, he was apparently also terrified about the moral of the people. According to him, they see me as some kind of savior after the jutsu I performed. They have fallen in love with me in their own way over the last few months, and would suffer greatly to know I was stolen from them in the attack. This knowledge only compounds my guilt and pain.
Gaara has spent the last two days with me, but seems to be getting more comfortable leaving me for short periods to conduct his normal duties as Kazekage. It is still difficult but he realizes how much has piled up during my coma. He looks to me with his question in his eyes.
Do you… need me?
“I will be fine,” I assure him. “I’m certainly not going anywhere.” I look at the tube I’m stuck in pointedly. Gaara smirks in response, rising to join Baki. They leave together quickly.
He is not gone for more than five minutes before Tsunade comes in. She flips the lid off the tube, and begins unhooking me quickly, handing me a hospital gown. I can see in her thoughts that Shikamaru is on his way here with Temari.
“They will be here soon,” she states. “Gaara is being called away on a political matter. He should be gone for a few hours. This may be our best chance to tell her. I have sent all non-essential staff away. No one is left who doesn’t already know of your condition. They are loyal to me.”
She helps me to sit up and I very slowly and carefully begin building my illusion in her mind. It will be easier to simply wrap Temari and Shikamaru into it once they arrive. The burn is present but tolerable.
“Very good,” she says, approving the illusion’s completeness as Michiko enters the room behind us.
Michiko walks over to me and kisses me on the forehead. “You can do this sweetheart,” she whispers.
I am so frightened I am beginning to shake. Shikamaru is completely confident in Temari’s desire to help. I am less sure. I know exactly how deep her loyalty to her brother lies. I can sense her arrive with Shikamaru just outside the door.
“What are you doing?” Temari suddenly gasps at him as he places his hands over her eyes.
“Aw, come on,” he sighs at her. “Just trust me, okay? It’s… a surprise.”
“You know I HATE surprises,” she hisses at him under her breath.
“It’s for Mizuke,” he tries again.
“Fine,” she mumbles. I hear the door slide open and the two of them come through. Michiko moves behind them to slide the door back shut again.
“Mizuke?” Temari hedges. “Mind telling me what the big idea is?”
“You have to promise not to scream,” I say with a shaky voice. I feel dread and panic wash through Temari’s mind. “Promise me.”
“Okay,” she mumbles, “I promise.”
I nod to Shikamaru and he removes his hands. She looks over at me and sees me with the illusion in place, but she is still shocked to see me out of the big machine and sitting up on my own. She slams her own hands over her mouth and Shikamaru is quick to slide a chair under her as she sits down heavily. Tears begin welling in her eyes.
“Oh my God!” she shouts in a hoarse whisper. “This is so great!! Are you really so much better? Why haven’t you told Gaara yet?!”
I can’t hide the guilt that washes over my expression and her eyes narrow in suspicion. She stares around the room and takes note of who is present.
“What’s going on?” she asks in an angry tone.
“Temari…” I start, taking a deep steadying breath. “I have not been completely honest with you about… my condition. I’m pretty sure you are going to be… very angry with me. I have decided to trust you enough to take a huge risk and tell you the answer to that question.”
“It’s gonna piss me off, huh?” she asks, glancing back at Shikamaru. “And it looks like this idiot already knows?”
“Yes,” I confirm. “No one told him. You know how he is. He just figured it out.”
“Tsunade knowing shouldn’t be a surprise, I guess.” She glances fully around the room. “Michiko too? And you said…” her mind freezes in panic. “Your condition…?”
I nod my head in agreement. She stiffens her spine, sitting up straight and leveling a glare in my direction. Her emotions do not match her face at all. Her mind is racing so fast I almost cannot keep up. She’s running a million scenarios through her head, but none of them right. She nods to me and I drop my illusion.
I could never have anticipated the result.
She stares at my suddenly pregnant belly and her mouth falls open in shock. She grips the edge of her seat to stay upright.
Oh my GOD!! She thinks in disbelief. She’s… You’re… PREGNANT?!?!
For just a moment, her mind is elated. She imagines a tiny little baby girl that looks just like Gaara, but with my eyes. She imagines me holding the baby and smiling at her. Then… reality starts kicking in. She realizes I have been hiding this for a long time.
The filters I have placed over our interactions from the last several months begin falling like dominoes – crashing away under the strength of the true image in front of her. She sees an image of me walking through the streets beside her. The illusion in her memory surfaces first, but the real image – the one of me four months pregnant and walking beside her – crashes in to take its place. She sees Gaara standing behind me and kissing me over my shoulder in the house, and holding me against him – then her mind forces in the true image of my belly protruding out beneath the circle of his arms. She sees me fighting along the top of the tower wall – and then sees the image of me pregnant and exhausted being struck in the side of the head by the rock. The image of my body – my pregnant body – falling to the ground at terrifying speed.
The images begin assaulting her faster and faster, and the pain in her mind is terrible. She cries out, clutching her head in her hands and moaning. I reach out towards her, unsure of what to do. I didn’t realize the mind would reset like this after such a long exposure to the illusion. Shikamaru rushes to her side and pulls her against him, trying to understand her sudden pain.
“Her mind is trying to reset everything,” I try to explain. “Every memory, every illusion. They’re falling away like scales, and the real memories of what her eyes saw are replacing them forcefully. I didn’t realize this would hurt them!”
Suddenly, Temari falls limp in Shikamaru’s arms.
“Temari!” he shouts, shaking her. Tsunade walks over and takes her pulse.
“She’s just fainted,” Tsunade decides. “Let’s give her a moment.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say through a shaky voice. “I didn’t know…” If it is this bad for Temari… I can’t imagine how bad it will be for Gaara. He’s not just seen and talked with me for so long. He’s made love to me! Oh shit…
Temari bolts awake again, grasping her head in her hands. In a moment, her mind is clear and the memories are as they should be. She looks up into my eyes in shock, and is awed by the illusion I managed to maintain all this time. Then suddenly, she realizes why.
The baby… Gaara’s baby… but Tsunade said she would die… she’s hiding this because… SHE’S GOING TO DIE?!
“Shikamaru!” I shout.
He slams his hand over Temari’s mouth just as she begins screaming. She screams and screams beneath the strength of his grip, thrashing her body around in rage. She is not truly fighting him, so she doesn’t break his hold. She is fighting the truth. Every cell in her body wants to believe it’s all a lie – that this is some terrible nightmare she has to wake herself from. The force of her grip on Shikamaru’s arms bite her nails into his flesh until he begins bleeding.
After a few minutes her screams transition into violent sobs. The tears pour down her face like spring rain. Her body shakes and shudders as she chokes for breath between them. Everyone else in the room is also in tears now – including myself – at the depth of her grief. Shikamaru turns her body so she faces him and she buries her head in his shirt as she continues to sob.
No!! her thoughts rage. She can’t die! She can’t leave us like this! What about Gaara?! My little brother… What will happen to him? What about the baby!? She can’t leave us like this with the baby! It’s not fair!! Why, Mizuke?! Why did you do this?! You promised me! You swore you wouldn’t trick him into getting you pregnant again!! How could you lie to me?!
“I didn’t lie to you, Temari,” I choke out past my swollen throat. “I know it must seem that way, but I never would have tricked Gaara into getting me pregnant again. Not like this.”
“How can you continue to lie?!” she screams, turning to face me with rage in her eyes. “The evidence is there!” She points towards my belly. “Wait… are you saying it’s not Gaara’s?!”
“Of course it’s Gaara’s!” I shout, letting my anger at the accusation get the better of me. “But I didn’t trick him! This is the SAME baby, Temari. The one from the very beginning! It never died!”
“What?” she chokes as confusion washes over her.
“Perhaps I should explain.” Tsunade interjects.
“Sure.” Temari spits. “Start explaining! You’ve obviously known about this from the beginning.”
“I understand that you’re angry,” Tsunade says with a stern tone, “but stop acting like a child, and start thinking like a shinobi.”
That brings Temari up short. She jerks away from Shikamaru, shoving him down away from her in disgust. She is furious with him too, knowing that he has hidden something this important from her. She brushes her clothes off, smoothes her hair back into the pigtails she keeps it in and sits back down on the chair she was in before.
She faces Tsunade with a level eye and says in a deadly tone, “Fine then. Explain.”
“We all believed that the pregnancy had died in the miscarriage, after Mizuke was rescued from Orochimaru.” Tsunade begins. “Her grief was no act, and none of us lied to her about the severity of the situation. It is nearly impossible for a pregnancy to survive a purge from the body like that. Unfortunately, we didn’t learn any differently until Gaara had already returned to Mizuke. She was afraid that if she ran from him then, he would grow suspicious and she wouldn’t have time to allow the babies to grow.”
“Babies?” she whispers in a new wave of shock, turning her gaze upon my massive belly.
“Yes,” Tsunade confirms. “We’ve only just confirmed that Mizuke is carrying twins. We hadn’t been able to check until she awoke.”
“I think it’s two boys,” I chime in, “but we can’t be sure. None of the ultrasonic equipment works, so we can’t see them.”
“Why not?” Temari asks, confused. “Is there something wrong with them?” A new kind of fear enters her thoughts and it comforts me to know she is already concerned for them.
“It would appear that your brother’s body merged with Shukaku’s power and developed a very powerful kekkei genkai which is carried in his DNA.” Tsunade explains. “The children seem to have inherited this, and they are already controlling sand. It is not likely to be a conscious thing, though.”
“Controlling sand?!” Temari shouts in disbelief. “Wait… what does that have to do with seeing the babies?”
“Show her, Tsunade,” I order.
Tsunade pulls out a hidden ultrasound wand from inside the metal tube, presses it against the side of my belly, and turns the machine on. In an instant, the fine layer of sand becomes visible and begins tightening down on my belly. I grimace against the pain but breathe through it.
“You see,” Tsunade says pointing to a tiny monitor on the outside of the tube. “The sand interferes with the image. We can’t see a thing.”
The sand clamps down further and I cry out in pain against it. Tsunade flips the machine off quickly, whispering an apology to me. I look up to see Temari’s eyes open wide with surprise and pain.
“It also seems that the sand interprets the machine as a threat to the children,” Tsunade continues. “It attempts to protect them, and is willing to push through the barrier of Mizuke’s body to do so. This is why we suspect your brother’s fears about the terminal nature of her condition are probably true. When the time comes for delivering them, the sand will not hesitate for her benefit.”
“I’m so sorry, Temari,” I choke out through fresh tears. “I never wanted to hurt him… or you, or anyone. If I had only realized sooner… I would have stayed away. I would have simply waited for the children to be born and have them sent to Gaara. Maybe if he had grown to hate me, it would be easier for him to love them when I am gone. But… I didn’t figure it out in time, and I decided to stay with him as long as I could. I… I don’t have much time left.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me this sooner,” she complains with a grief-stricken expression. “I could have helped you.”
“I couldn’t ask you to lie to your brother like that,” I admit.
She’s not sure how she would have reacted – what she would have wanted me to do. “What changed your mind?” she asks.
“You… you don’t have to accept this,” I try to be sincere. “But I need… a mother for my babies. I thought you might be interested in the job.” I smile at her but it feels strained.
She leans back heavily against the chair. Her hands shake, and she pins them beneath her arms and against her sides to hide it. She thinks for a long time.
A… mother? For my nephews? She must… she must think Gaara will reject them. God… damnit she’s probably right! He’ll be way more furious than I am. Pain lances through her with her next thought. He may not survive her death, either. This alone was so hard on him. But… can I do this alone? I would have to leave Suna. I would have to take them far away… maybe even keep moving if Gaara truly loses it. He would never forgive me. Not ever.
“I’ll do it,” she says in a firm voice, looking me directly in the eyes. “Those kids are my nephews. I still think we should give Gaara a chance, but if he can’t handle it… I’ll raise them like I would my own kids. I swear.”
“You wouldn’t be alone,” Shikamaru cuts in, stepping forward for the first time since she shoved him away. “Two tiny Gaara’s running around are going to be a handful. Besides… there’s that whole pain about the kids being a citizen to both villages. Both councils will want them protected. I’ve offered to help you as the official guardian from Konoha.”
“Shika…” she says, standing up to grip his forearms and stare him intently in the eyes. “If you do this… you could be giving up your whole life. It’s different for me. They’re blood.”
“I don’t think it’s a big secret that I care about you,” he retorts. “Honestly…” he sighs deeply, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. “The treaty is just a great excuse. I’d… I’d hate to wind up a missing-nin by chasing you around all over the Earth.”
She throws her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. He blushes.
“I could never be thankful enough to you both,” I whisper. It tears at my heart that I cannot be there, to see my babies grow up, but the thought of these two raising them makes it bearable. Temari turns back to face me.
“Can I… feel them?” she asks a bit timidly.
“Sure,” I say with a smile, and hold out my hand to her.
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Love Me When I'm Gone

56. Black Bishop