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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

Chapter List
- 54
- 55
- 56
55. The Plan
“You can’t be serious,” Shikamaru says, as the color drains from his face.
I chuckle without humor. “I’m dead serious.”
“Mizuke!” Michiko chides me with anger in her voice. She doesn’t approve of my humor.
“We’re still trying to find another solution,” Sakura chimes in with pain in hers.
“If we don’t find another way,” I say with confidence in my tone. “then I will do what has to be done. These children will live. I don’t care what the cost is.”
I meet his eyes, and watch the thoughts that filter through his head. He remembers Temari sobbing uncontrollably when I was brought to the hospital after the believed miscarriage. He remembers her anger when she realized Gaara had lied to them and left me. He remembers her trying to beat Kankuro senseless for stabbing me. Then he remembers something I have not yet seen…
Temari sits by my bedside, brushing my hair and gently putting it into braids. She hasn’t heard him come in because she is so engrossed in her thoughts. She has come to this bedside every day for a week – brushing Mizuke’s hair, cleaning her teeth. She would bathe her if Tsunade would allow it. That’s one of the biggest reasons he knew what Tsunade was hiding. There was no other reason to go to such lengths to hide Mizuke’s body. He wonders how she would feel if she knew the body she cared for held a child.
Would she keep the secret to protect it? Would it make up for the pain of losing her sister? Or would she collapse under the knowledge that Mizuke is truly gone?
“Hey,” he mutters, coming inside the room and leaning lazily on the door frame. “You’re putting an awful lot of effort in for someone who doesn’t even know you’re helping.” He hopes to get her in a good verbal sparring match. It always seems to improve her mood.
“It doesn’t matter you big idiot,” she whispers softly, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. “She would take care of me. Besides… this is for my little brother too. He needs to see her looking… healthy and beautiful. Gaara…” she chokes back a sob, “Gaara deserves to be happy.”
She pauses for a long time, squeezing her eyes shut until her fists begin to shake. Finally she cracks. “This is bullshit!” she screams. “We never should have let her do something like that!!”
“Don’t be stupid,” Shikamaru chides her.
“What did you say?!” she spins around, bringing her fist up to strike him in the face.
He catches her easily with his shadow possession jutsu and halts her movement mid-swing. She knew he would. He brings his arms down to his sides and her body mirrors his own. Then he walks forward and puts his arms around her, pulling her close and essentially forcing her to do the same.
“Let go of me you ass!” she screams, but the sobs take the anger out of her words.
“I said don’t be stupid,” he says, ignoring her demands. “There is nothing you, or anyone else, could have done to stop her. From what I hear – your village was losing this fight. Gaara was dangerously close to death himself. Do you honestly think anything in this world would have stopped her from doing exactly what she did? From protecting what she loved?”
He looks into her eyes and thinks, It wouldn’t have stopped me. And you don’t even understand that she was protecting her child too…
“No…” Temari sobs. “It’s not fair!”
He releases her from the shadow possession and she collapses against him, shaking with the grief ripping through her. He hates this so much! He hates knowing what he can’t share with her; knowing it would only hurt her more. He hates feeling so goddamn helpless. She winds her arms around his neck and he kisses the top of her head. He brushes his hands up her back and leans down to kiss her neck softly, breathing in the rich scent of her skin. Suddenly, he hears a faint hiss and Temari stiffens in his arms.
Gaara!
He pushes back from Temari but freezes at the look on Gaara’s face. He isn’t angry. He isn’t even aggravated. The look in his eyes is devastating – desperation, longing, and soul-crushing pain. The rings around his eyes are getting blacker by the day, making his features look more and more like he did when the demon Shukaku was still locked within his body.
He is gripping the little charm on the chain around his neck like a talisman against death, and rubbing it with his thumb. Temari told Shikamaru once that Mizuke made that talisman so that Gaara could listen to her sing when she wasn’t with him. She probably expected him to need it after the kid was born. How ironic to think he would need it with her body still lying here in the room with him. He doesn’t even realize she knew he would need it when she gave it to him. The thought makes Shikamaru suddenly nauseous.
“Don’t.” Gaara mumbles at them, walking over to Mizuke’s body and leaning down to greet her with a kiss. “Good morning, My Love. I’m sorry I had to leave.”
“Don’t… what?” Shikamaru asks, unsure of the context.
“Pull away from the one you love,” Gaara mumbles, standing back up without turning back. “You will regret it.”
Suddenly, Kankuro comes stumbling in the door. He looks terrible. He hasn’t even bothered to put on face makeup for two days. Shikamaru’s pretty sure he hasn’t slept since Mizuke’s mind died during the attack over a week ago. All three of them believe she’s only in a coma. They have to, until the Hokage can figure out what to do about the kid still trapped in there.
“How’s sleeping beauty?” Kankuro slurs, dropping down in the chair beside Gaara and kissing Mizuke’s forehead. “Come on sweetheart. Gaara could use a smile.”
I can’t bear anymore. I shut out Shikamaru’s reminiscing. I can feel the tears rolling down my face. I cannot breathe at the thought of their heartache.
“That was unnecessary,” I choke out at him, angry. “You think I don’t know this will be painful for them?”
“I think you’ve decided you’re already dead.” Shikamaru challenges me.
“How dare you!” Michiko shouts at him, outraged. “You have no idea how hard she’s been fighting!”
“Oh… I know that’s true,” he says back in a calm voice, putting his fingertips together in front of him again in thought. “But somewhere along the line, I think it became too hard. When was it Mizuke?”
“I don’t know what you think you know,” I spit, “but…”
“What happens to the kids after you’re dead?” he asks, staring intently into my eyes.
My thoughts freeze. After I’m dead…? I honestly don’t know. “Obviously, they will be cared for and raised,” I mumble. “They will grow up and live the lives they deserve to. They’re protected by the treaty that…”
“Yeah, yeah,” he mutters. “I know the legal stuff. I was there, remember? Believe it or not I pay attention.”
“What Shikamaru so tactlessly is trying to convey,” Kakashi suddenly jumps in, rolling his eyes. “is that you didn’t leave us any instructions about the children. Well… the child I suppose, since you didn’t know there were two.”
Instructions? How am I supposed to know?! I’m going to be dead!
The thought hurts so much, I put my hands in my face to try and calm myself. The babies stir restlessly in my womb. I can feel the fear from them growing at my distress. One of them kicks me and I gasp, clutching my side.
“Look,” Shikamaru says with a deep sigh. “I can’t believe I’m saying this. It’ll be such a pain… but I think you’re a few players short in your little game. You’ve had death as your finish line, but you need to think beyond that. You also need to realize you’ve been insanely lucky already and your luck might not hold out.”
“Yes, I realize that,” I sigh, rolling my eyes.
His comment about death being my finish line stings because he’s right. I haven’t made any plans because I can’t bear the thought of my children growing up alone. Without a mother – and if my worst fear becomes true, having a father who hates them for his loss – would leave them with nothing.
“I don’t see what I can do about it though,” I mumble.
“You can start by making some real plans,” Shikamaru says.
“What are you suggesting, Shikamaru?” Tsunade asks. She walks across the room and settles into the tiny sofa. She obviously expects some great revelation to come out of his mouth.
“Like I said,” he sighs, “you guys are a couple of key players short.” He whips out a pouch full of chess pieces and dumps them out on the floor. “Plan A – best case scenario. Everyone lives. You. The babies. Gaara. Everyone. What do you do?”
I am completely confused by his question. “But we already know that can’t…” I argue, and he cuts me off.
“Damnit, Mizuke!” I am surprised that he’s aggravated enough to shout. Shikamaru never shouts. He takes a deep steadying breath. “Just work with me here. It IS possible. We just don’t know how. If you live… Gaara’s still going to be pretty pissed that you’ve been lying to him for 9 months. How are you going to deal with that?”
My brain wants to deny his question outright, but my heart gives a painful lurch. Do I dare hope for such a thing? No. But he’s right… being unprepared is foolish.
“I would need to find a way to calm him down,” I say, beginning to think out loud. “I don’t think it would be that difficult to explain, though. I have built a… hiding place in his mind. I have hidden memories there. My memories. I have it protected with a seal, but I can release it if I need to. I was hoping that maybe someday… someone else could break it, or perhaps that it would weaken after my death like the ones in my own mind have after Sasori was killed.”
“Memories?” Sakura asks. “What kind of memories?”
“The first time I felt the baby move.” I explain. “The babies emotions when Gaara is with us, and their fears and anger when Gaara is away. All the things I wish I could show him – the things that he would need to truly… see the baby as a person, and not a death sentence.”
“That sounds like an excellent strategy,” Shikamaru mumbles from his crouch. “If everything works out, you should release the hold on them. He wouldn’t have a choice to not hear you out then, and at least he could make his decision from a different perspective. Meanwhile, Kakashi… I suggest we be prepared in that instance to run interference – to give her the chance.”
“Agreed,” Kakashi says with a smile.
“Now…” Shikamaru continues. “Plan B – you die, but the babies live. We manage to get you away from Gaara beforehand, so that he is not an immediate threat. What happens to them?”
“Well…” I swallow around the lump in my throat. “They will need someone to raise them. They will also possibly need protection, depending upon Gaara’s reaction when he hears news of my death. I pray that it doesn’t come to that. I would hope that he could choose to love them and raise them himself… but after today… I’m afraid for what will become of him when I am gone.” I can feel tears brimming in my eyes again.
“We will also need to be on alert at Konoha,” Tsunade chimes in. “Gaara’s rage could spill out onto the village once he knows that we helped her in this. I have already made plans.”
“Oh my God,” I shout. “I didn’t even consider that! Tsunade… your people…”
“They would want your children protected,” she says cutting me off. “They would also want to keep them accessible as a future asset to the village like they outlined in the marriage contract.” That thought aggravates me but I am willing to go along with it if it means keeping them safe.
I catch a thought running through Shikamaru’s mind and it devastates me.
“Don’t think that!” I shout at him. “He wouldn’t! He can’t!”
“What?” Sakura asks, confused. Everyone else is also curious about my outburst.
“I was just thinking, Hokage, that your plans are good but most likely unnecessary.” Shikamaru states, staring at the floor. “Based on Gaara’s behavior in the last few weeks, I don’t think he’ll outlive her by much.”
“He can’t!” I cry out on a sob.
“You saw him when you woke up,” he says, leveling his eyes with mine. “You saw in my memory how bad he was after only one week. That’s WITH the hope that you were still coming back. You should know the reality of the choice you’re making.”
“I don’t think this discussion is productive,” Kakashi states, intervening. “Shikamaru tends to focus on worst case scenarios, Mizuke. But I know your husband too. I think he’ll surprise us all after he learns that he’s a father.” He gives me a crinkled-eyed smile and it makes it a little easier to breathe again. “After all, children have a powerful effect on everyone around them, and yours are going to be very special.”
“Okay,” Shikamaru says, reorienting his thoughts, “Plan C – we don’t succeed in hiding your secret long enough. How do we deal with Gaara when he finds out?”
Dead silence falls across the room.
“We CAN’T let that happen,” I insist. “I have fought so hard for this! If Gaara sees me in this state… he’ll lose it! He’s already wound so tight from my coma… I want to believe he would be reasonable. But… if he thinks he can save me by killing them… I think he would try. Before, I believed I could fight him… but everything mental I’ve tried so far is terribly difficult and painful. If I don’t have time to recover – I’m not sure I could.”
“Hmmm…” Kakashi shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “Yes, that is a real problem. We’ve been discussing it for weeks. We were unsure of how to move you, but afraid that he would discover the lie. I’m not sure who would be best to protect you.”
“Exactly,” Shikamaru states. “That’s where we’re missing key players.”
He snatches up the white queen from his pile of chess pieces. “This is Mizuke.” He places it in the middle of the floor in front of him. Next, he grabs the black King and places it across from the queen. “This is Gaara. We need someone to run interference – someone capable of facing Gaara down at his strongest.” He places a white knight in front of the queen.
“What about me?” Sakura chimes in.
“No,” he counters, placing a white rook beside the queen. “You have to stay with Mizuke in every move and every plan. Whether she will live or die… you are the only one with the medical knowledge and skills to help her. You will have to deliver the babies. Tsunade will have to be back in Konoha – maintaining her distance from this feud. She is Hokage, and this can’t become some kind of political plot. It would be bad for both villages.”
“Unfortunately, I have to agree with Shikamaru on that point,” Tsunade adds, “Unless you are able to deliver them in Konoha, I cannot help you.”
“I could try,” Kakashi offers, but he is obviously unsure of the result.
“No,” I contradict him this time. “I want you to take care of Gaara. After the dust settles, I want you to be able to watch him from a distance… the way you did for me when he left. You’re good at getting past emotional defenses. Please.”
“And I certainly can’t do it,” Shikamaru adds. “I can probably outthink and outmaneuver him, but in sheer physical strength and skill… I haven’t got a chance in hell of stopping him.”
“So who?” Sakura asks.
“Naruto…” I say, realizing Shikamaru arrived at this conclusion some time ago. “Naruto would protect me with his life – and my babies after I was gone. He’s perfect! He would want to convince Gaara, to force him to listen to reason. He would die trying.”
“Do you honestly think we can trust Naruto with this kind of secret?” Tsunade asks, hearing Naruto’s loud insistent voice echo in her head.
“I think it’s the only realistic option,” Shikamaru says with a sigh, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t like the idea either, but Mizuke’s right. He’d never give up once he agrees. We have to be careful though. We’ll have to tell him when there’s no chance of him being overheard. He’s likely to be loud-mouthed about it.”
“Okay. So Naruto is my white knight,” I say with a smile. I like the idea of being with Naruto again. I’ve grown to miss him over the last months, and he reminds me of Gaara in many ways.
“Mizuke,” Michiko says. “Dear… you told me once about putting Temari to sleep with your mind. Do you think you could do this to Gaara? Perhaps then Naruto wouldn’t have to fight.”
“I could try,” I reply. “I wouldn’t know whether it will work until I test it. His anger may make it more difficult, and I am pretty weak.”
“Trying would be a good idea,” Shikamaru says, placing a black knight next to the king. “If you could put him to sleep… Kakashi could carry him outside of the village walls. It would be safer for everyone after he wakes up.”
“I will try,” I agree. I don’t want to give his people any more reason to fear him.
“Now,” Shikamaru continues, knocking over the queen and placing two black pawns beside it. “You don’t survive childbirth. What happens to your children?”
I stare at the two little black pawns and my heart stutters again. “I don’t know!” I wail. “If they’re taken back to Konoha, Gaara would know where they are too easily!”
“I agree.” Shikamaru places a black bishop and a white bishop beside the pawns, and scoots all four of them away from all the other pieces. “I have a suggestion, Hokage, if you’re willing to entertain it. I don’t think Mizuke will object…”
“What are you thinking?” Tsunade asks.
“These kids have citizenship with both villages, right? And therefore the protection of both?” he asks rhetorically. “Despite Gaara’s choices, I doubt either council would want to relinquish that part of the agreement.”
“That’s true,” she confirms. “They would both want to have control. It could get messy very quickly.”
“What if it didn’t have to?” he suggests. “What if…” he clears his throat. “What if they were assigned to two shinobi to raise? One from each village? They would have equal representation and equal communication on the status of the kids. This could be a short assignment, if Gaara decides he wants them to return. It could be a lifetime assignment – or at least 18 years – if he hunts them or chooses death instead.”
I can see where his thoughts have taken him. He has been considering this for some time. He thought he would have to explain it himself, if I didn’t ever wake up. His selflessness humbles me.
“Temari…” I mumble. “Oh Shikamaru… I would love for Temari to raise them. She’s their aunt after all. But I couldn’t ask her to give up her life – and I couldn’t ask YOU either.”
“I’m offering,” he counters with a smirk. “She’s a real pain but I’ve gotten used to having her around. She can certainly kick some ass when she needs to. I have to admit she’s saved my butt more than once. And I think you should give her the option. She may never forgive you if you don’t. As much as she loves her little brother – I believe she would see this as taking care of him, regardless of what he believes. They are her family too you know.”
“You didn’t seem to think she would handle my death very well earlier,” I counter.
“I still don’t,” he agrees, “but she’s a smart woman. She’ll do what has to be done.”
“I think the council would agree to this option,” Tsunade agrees. “I wouldn’t give them much choice in the matter, but they certainly would like the idea of a leaf shinobi guarding them as well.”
“It’s settled then I guess,” I lean back on the bed with a sigh, rubbing my belly with my hands. “When should we tell them?”
“As soon as possible,” Shikamaru suggests. “This could all go very wrong, very fast.”
- 54
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- 56
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Love Me When I'm Gone

55. The Plan