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Love Me When I'm Gone	By : KittenCobra Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1971 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto (the manga or anime) or any of the characters included within it. I only own the original characters in this story including the main character Utako Mizuke. I do not make any form of profit off of this story.

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52. Limbo
I feel so cold. Where am I? It’s so dark… so dark I can’t see anything. I… I am afraid. Is that it then? Did I fail? Did I let my precious baby die because I tried to save this city? What about Gaara?... My precious love. Did I fail him too? What will they do with him? Will they bury him properly? Will they place us together in death, or will they separate us?
I feel like weeping. This can’t be death… death should be peaceful. There shouldn’t be all this pain. Why? Why did I fail?! I scream out my pain into the darkness. It’s swallowing me, suffocating me. I can’t feel any tears in this hell but my chest is ripping apart with my grief. Why?!
No!! A tiny voice cuts through the darkness to find me. I try to raise my head but I still cannot see.
A new feeling washes over me in the darkness. It’s warm and bright. It encircles me and begins lifting me into a stunning light. Suddenly, I can feel my body. I open my eyelids and look around to see that I am in a green field, lying at the base of a huge tree. I blink against the intensity of the new sunlight and when I open my eyes again… a pair of tiny bright jade eyes stare back at me.
“Oh… my baby,” I croak out to him in a new wave of grief. “I’m so sorry. I failed you.”
He shakes his head frantically in denial. His eyes are filled with tears and they spill down his cheeks. He throws his arms around my neck and squeezes me tightly.
I sit up, pulling him into my arms as I begin to sob. I cradle his head in my hands, rocking him as I clutch him desperately to my chest. I feel the warmth wrap around me again like a thick blanket. It… it’s coming from his little body. He sits back to look into my eyes and he takes my face between his tiny hands. It’s like he’s trying to tell me something…
“You…” I whisper. “You… love me?”
He nods his head in agreement as a broad smile crosses his face. The expression startles me, as I realize I have never seen his father smile so openly and freely. His father… Grief washes over me again, and I can feel my face crumple.
Suddenly I can’t feel his little body in my arms anymore. I look down – frantic, but when I turn my head… he is standing beside me instead. His little arms are crossed over his chest as he stares at me. His expression is frustrated and disapproving. I can feel warmth from him, but it is muted by frustration and anger. He reaches out and taps his hand against the side of my face. He holds my cheek firmly, and after a moment I begin to feel… something… something familiar tickling against my senses.
“What is that?” I ask him.
He rolls his eyes in exasperation and increases the sensation slightly. It is strong… laced with an unusual tangible power. It is dark, but… it brings me peace. My son focuses on the sensation and I watch his little face relax into a look of peace as well.
“Gaara!” I suddenly shout, startling the little boy. “Your father! You can feel him? Is he alright?!”
My son takes a deep breath and nods a quick curt movement of agreement. I smile at him broadly as I feel relief wash through me. I am beginning to understand now. I can’t possibly be dead. Somehow I must be able to sense the baby’s awareness within me. He has always been able to feel his father’s presence.
“You’re a lot like him you know,” I whisper and raise a hand to stroke his beautiful little face. He huffs and suddenly disappears in a flurry of sand.
“Wait!” I screech. “Please! Don’t leave! I don’t understand! I…”
I feel a tiny tap against my back. When I turn around, he is behind me once more. His face is sweet and gentle – nothing like it was only moments ago. These mood swings are giving me whiplash… I don’t understand… He smiles his broad toothy smile and climbs back up into my lap. I can feel his love wash over me again, strong and steady. I feel so weak, but he simply leans back in my arms toying with the ends of my hair. To my surprise, he begins to hum softly. It is the melody I sing for Gaara. I lean back against the tree myself and simply let myself drift in his song and his love.
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I don’t know how long I drift there, awash in love and light; listening to my little boy humming. Time seems meaningless here. It is so peaceful – the complete opposite of the darkness I awoke within. I feel as if I could stay here forever. The longer I have drifted, the more I have felt my strength returning to me.
A sudden jolt ripples through the ground beneath us, waking me from my idle thoughts. The boy in my arms stiffens in fright. He begins tugging at the ends of my hair. He looks into my eyes and I can read the fear in them plainly.
“Shhhh…” I whisper to him, stroking his face with my hand. “It’s alright.”
I feel a firm tap against my cheek and when I turn my head, he is once again standing beside me. His little body is gone from my lap in the same moment. The transition is so jarring! His face is serious and concerned. I close my eyes to focus on the sensation he is broadcasting to me.
I can feel Gaara’s chakra strong and thick. It is tinged with something dark and terrible – rage. Gaara is angry. I can feel his anger enveloping us within this tiny meadow. I open my eyes again, looking into the tiny jade eyes of my son. He shakes my cheek, narrowing his eyes in frustration. I reach out deeper, trying to feel with my own mind. Beneath Gaara’s anger I can sense something else… fear. Despair. His mind and heart are at war… Pain. There is so much pain!
“Oh no,” I whisper. “Your father is angry. He is hurting.” I want desperately to know why. What is causing him this pain? I feel my anger rising. I want to find the source of his pain and destroy it!
My son’s tiny finger pokes me in the chest.
“Yes,” I nod to him absently, “Yes, mommy will find out what’s upsetting him and I will fix it. I promise.”
He rolls his eyes and pokes me again.
Oh my God! It’s me! I still don’t even know where I am… but I’m certainly not with Gaara!
Suddenly, I can feel my body again – my real body. It feels weak and stiff. I must be lying on my back, but my whole body feels like dead weight. Where… Where are my eyelids? Why can’t I open them? I feel so disoriented – disconnected from this physical shell. A single sound breaks through the fog in my mind – sharpening my awareness to a near painful level. It is the sound of Gaara’s voice screaming in rage.
“I will not sit here any longer and do nothing!!” he screams. “You assure me your medicines will heal her, but she lies there as if dead! How long before she dies in there?!”
I can sense him gripping his head in his hands and tugging at his hair. Images of me flash in his mind – one after the other, in an endless wash of pain and despair. He remembers my body falling, striking the ground when the stone hit me. I see an image of me lying in a hospital. I am covered from the neck down by some strange machine. There are monitors and dials everywhere with tubes coming from inside. My face is beautiful, but lifeless – like a living body with no soul. I realize this is how I look to him now. His rage and pain and fear are all consuming.
“Kazekage!” Tsunade’s voice cuts into my awareness. “Calm yourself!! I have not lied to you! That machine is keeping her alive and safe! If you remove it she could die! You need to give her time!”
“It has been over a month!” Gaara screams back at her. “I can’t even…” his voice breaks, almost as if on a sob, “I can’t even… feel her.” By the end his voice is so broken, I feel real tears begin stinging in my tear ducts.
There they are! I’ve found my eyes and now my voice. I flutter my eyes open, blinking painfully against the blinding light. “Gaara…” I whisper out through a rough and broken voice.
In a flash, I feel his hands against the skin of my face and neck; stroking and caressing. I can feel his lips kissing my eyes, my lips, my neck, my cheeks, my jaw. I can feel a wave of relief wash from him so thick it would knock me over if I were actually standing. When I catch a glimpse of him, I realize he looks terrible. His blood red hair is a mess, his skin is slightly sunken in as if he has gone without food for a long time, and the rings around his eyes are as black as desert midnight.
A month? He said something about waiting over a month… Good God! Have I been asleep that long?! I have so little time left.
“Mizuke…” he mumbles between kisses, “My Love, can you hear me?”
I can hear you handsome, I whisper to his mind. It’s still too hard to form words with my lips. I manage a small groan, still blinking against the light.
Suddenly, I throw up my mental walls as quickly as I can. Oh my God! That was too close. I could have given everything away in my rush to comfort him. Gaara feels me pull back and panic begins to rise in his mind again. He thinks I am slipping away. I slowly section off my awareness of the baby, keeping it tucked away in the corner of my mind. Then I bring the wall down gently, slowly – welcoming him back into my thoughts.
His mouth closes over mine gently. He sips at my lips, moving languidly with me. His pain begins leeching from him like a toxin and dissipating as the ability to feel me in his mind once again begins to calm him. I want to reach my arms up and throw them around his neck, but they are trapped within this strange machine. His mind rages against the entrapment but his fear at Tsunade’s words hold him back. He won’t remove me from the machine for fear that it truly is keeping me alive as she says. Instead, he slips his own hands beneath my head and deepens the kiss. His body trembles beneath the need to hold me, to love me and comfort me.
My Love, he whispers to me. I couldn’t hear you. I…
Shhhh… I send him a wave of peace. I am going to be alright Gaara. You can feel me now. But Tsunade is right. I can feel the weakness in my body. This is the first time I have even felt it since the battle. This is the first time I have heard you.
Where have you been? He wonders fitfully.
His mind rages against an image of me sitting alone in the dark. I keep my worry carefully hidden from him. I cannot be completely honest. I’m not even sure what was real and what could have been imagination.
I’m not sure, I admit. But just now I could feel your pain and your anger. I wanted to find you. I wanted to help you.
Suddenly, I feel a wave of anger bordering on rage flow from him. It is so much like our son’s anger in the field…
You have already done too much! He screams at me mentally. You could have died depleting your chakra that low! His mouth now moves hard and angry against my own, but his thoughts are laced with a feeling of helplessness. Do you have no idea how I feel?!
I am thrown back into his memory.
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Love Me When I'm Gone

52. Limbo