Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Another Perfect Wonder	By : jaded_priceless Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Kakashi/Iruka Views: 10014 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 4
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Chapter List
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Chapter 51
The water was warm as Kakashi knew it would be and they ate breakfast, leftovers, while soaking. Two games of shouji and four hands of cards later Iruka made hot chocolate. Kakashi sat on the back porch watching squirrels avoid the traps Iruka had set as the chuunin teacher eyeballed them. Apparently glaring at something until it finally got the message and did what you wanted only worked on schoolchildren.
Kakashi laughed as one of the squirrels somehow stole the bait before scampering back up the tree.
“Stupid squirrel, get back down here and be meat,” Iruka grumbled.
“Remind you of someone?” Kakashi giggled as he gripped his cup in both hands allowing the hot beverage to warm him.
“Yeah,” Iruka muttered as he picked up snow and began to pack it into compact ball. He stepped off the porch, narrowed his eyes and took aim. The snowball flew true and seconds later a stunned tree rat landed in the snow, “And in the end I always got the little booger.”
“Nice aim,” Kakashi huffed before taking another sip. “Do you want me to peel the vegetables? He won’t go very far between the two of us.”
“Nah, just wash them and cut off the bad spots. All of the nutrients are in the peels,” Iruka called out as he claimed his prize.
Despite his offer to wash the vegetables Kakashi didn’t move. He had time. Iruka took the squirrel indoors and came back out with his knife-kunai and several small bowls.
Kakashi waited until he finished the delicate work of skinning then spoke, “How did you know?”
Iruka paused in his knifework and tilted his head in his direction.
“How did you know what to say?” Kakashi tilted his face over his mug inhaling the scent of warm chocolate without giving the chuunin a chance to reply before whispering, “I knew something was wrong. For the longest time I knew something was wrong, but I was a child. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. The only way I knew to help was by being a good boy and doing the best of what was expected of me. So I became the best, the best at everything so maybe it would get better. But I was wrong.”
Kakashi lowered his head as if trying to hide behind the steam wafting up from the warm mug giving Iruka a glimpse of the lost abandoned child hiding inside a man’s body for far too long, “For years I thought I was the only one who knew that something was wrong, that I was the only one who noticed but a few years later I realized my aunt and my uncles knew. I started to wonder what would have happened if one of them had said something? If a word from someone his age would have made a difference. I blamed them. For the longest time I blamed them.”
Iruka couldn’t tell if the sound that escaped Kakashi’s lips was a chuckle, snort, or sob, “It’s easy to blame people know you are off living freely for abandoning you.”
Kakashi took a sip of the cocoa, letting it warm sweetness battle the choking sensation in his throat, “But now that I’m older I can’t blame them. I see myself in them. There wasn’t much they could do as they had to tend to their own business. They couldn’t sit and stay and comfort him. Seeing how they managed their own personal tragedies I realize they did everything they could. They were there as often as they could be. They did everything they knew how but they didn’t know because no one had ever taught them. How did you know what to say? Who taught you?”
Iruka realized Kakashi was speaking about his father, comparing the two of them and the ways they hid their hurt after they’d been wronged. The chuunin glanced down at the dead squirrel in his palms and the blood on his hands and answered, “My grandfather. My first boyfriend.”
The chuunin rose and went inside to wash the squirrel before Kakashi could ask any more questions.

Iruka ended up preparing the meal without Kakashi’s help. He kept the jounin’s cup filled with hot chocolate until Kakashi decided to come in. They ate in silence and played cards before Kakashi decided he’d had enough and went to bed early.
Iruka sat unblinking before the fire, his feet flat on the floor in front of his buttocks, his arms wrapped around his raised knees as Kakashi climbed into the bed. He waited until Kakashi was settled to speak, “You asked how I knew what to say. I knew what to say because it’s what others said to me. I knew to say it because I know what you were feeling. I felt that way too. I probably still would if they hadn’t gotten through to me. If I hadn’t opened up to let them get through.”
Kakashi wriggled his way off the bed and slid across the floor to Iruka. He sat close enough to feel the warmth coming from the man’s body but far enough they weren’t touching.
“It happened during our first trip out of the village; a group of us were going to market without the adults. You never think a common rite of passage will go so wrong. You know it can happen. It’s happened to others, but you never think it will happen to you. We were followed by bandits. Later we learned they had their eye on us before we left the gates.”
Iruka laid his head on his knees drawing himself into a tighter ball. “The leader took a liking to me. The other boys were beaten. I was the only boy raped. The girls were too, but that was to be expected. He didn’t even wait to get me back to his camp to force me to my knees. He had a crossbow and shot one of my friends in the arm. ‘Open your mouth or he’s dead’. He made me suck him right there in front of everyone.
“When we got back to their camp, he pushed me inside his tent. It hurt. It hurt so bad. It didn’t matter how hard I fought. He was too strong. The whole time he kept whispering that he loved me and touching me. Each time I fought. The more I fought, the more determined he was to make me enjoy it. I tried to resist, to fight him, to fight” Iruka swallowed heavily and took several gulps of air before gasping, “nature biology and hormones. He…his mouth…I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t like him. I didn’t understand what was happening and why my body would react or how he was making it happen. I didn’t like him. I didn’t like what he was doing but… I felt so dirty, so unworthy, like there was nothing good inside of me anymore.
“We were supposed to be gone a week. By the tenth day they realized something was wrong and sent out search party. Every day, several times a day he’d…I couldn’t stand. It was difficult to crawl. He’d carry me to river and give me bath. He’d brush my hair and help me dress. He’d sit me on his lap in front of the others to feed me. He’d kiss me and tell them we were in love. The next priest we came across was going to perform the marriage ceremony. He truly believed it. He treated me like I was made of precious glass. No one else has ever treated me like that, like I was some wonderful treasure worthy of being worshipped.
“I hadn’t felt…,” Iruka bit his lips, closed his eyes and forced back tears as he signaled, “:My parents died. After I lost them no one treated me like I was special, like I mattered until…:”
Iruka forced himself continue talking as Kakashi slid forward so their toes were touching. The chuunin made the words come out of his mouth so he didn’t get lost in the raw emotions of being a well loved child who suddenly found himself alone, bullied, ignored then once again the recipient of whole hearted but sick and twisted affection. “They had a lookout. When he signaled them someone had found us I felt so relieved. His comrades grabbed their belonging and ran. He grabbed me. When the rescue party came he was on top of me. They pulled back the curtain and all saw what he was doing to me. My legs were over his shoulders, his hand was between my legs. I…”
Iruka shut his eyes and shuddered, “His last words were that he loved me and he was sorry he never got to give me a proper wedding ceremony.”
Iruka’s mouthed the words but didn’t speak, “Hyuuga Hizashi, was the team medic. He killed the man with a few well placed strikes. He explained chakra paths and involuntary biological responses as he cleaned my stomach. Once the mess I made was gone he tickled me. I can still hear his voice, ‘This isn’t funny but I made you laugh. You had no control over the response. There are certain things your body is programmed to do whether it wants to or not. There are some things you can’t stop.’ I wasn’t sure of I should believe him or if he just knew of a better way than I did to force the junk out of my butt.”
Iruka closed his eyes again. Anko had told him things in the hospital that made him believe Hizashi was not lying. The kind Hyuuga was killed before he was released. Iruka regretted not being able to thank him. He was grateful Sandaime ensured he only worked in classed without Hyuuga during his years as an assistant. He couldn’t escape it when he became a full time teacher. He saw Hizashi’s face in Neji’s but Hinata was the only Hyuuga he knew whose eyes held the kindness of Hizashi’s.
He inhaled and once more verbalized, “I was in the hospital for a month. They housed me in the women’s ward. There was a girl there, crème de la crème of the upper class until her private tutor seduced her. Her family had no use for her at that point but they were legally bound to pay her medical expenses. They locked the two of us in the same room so ‘we tainted creatures weren’t allowed to soil proper women’. We kept each other sane. On nights when it became unbearable we would push our beds together and hold each other until the nightmares stopped.
“It got worse once I got out. Everywhere I went people whispered. It didn’t help that one of my comrades didn’t come back. His family blamed me. I’ll never forget how they looked at me; like it was my fault. The village officials said that… beast… was a ninja that went insane during the war and that he’d killed hundreds. I didn’t feel safe anywhere. One of the kinder ones told me it was a good thing I played along and gave him what he wanted otherwise my friends and I would be dead too. Can you imagine being told it was a good thing to be unable to fight off a pedophile? Or that I gave him anything?”
Kakashi slid forward, spreading his legs so they were on either side of Iruka, “My friend ran away to join the circus. I developed a reputation for being promiscuous. The move happened shortly afterwards. Grandfather thought it would be better for me if I were in an environment where people didn’t know me, wouldn’t judge me or try to take advantage.
“I used to wonder how my life would have turned out if that wouldn’t have happened? Would I have remained on the same path or would I be dead by now? My late grandfather used to tell me it’s no use in wondering what may have been and that I should focus on the positive things I have now. The change was good for me. There weren’t any accusing eyes or knowing sneers or lewd comments; just a fresh start with mostly good people who didn’t judge me.”
Iruka lowered his head and took a deep breath curling into an even smaller ball as he pressed his head between his knees. “But I…I did things. I couldn’t bear to be alone. I would feel his hands, his breathe, hear his voice, feel his weight. I …I needed someone to get them off of me. He was dead, but I could still feel him inside me. It was the only way I could think of to chase him away…I…I begged them…”
Kakashi wrapped his arms around Iruka, closing the distance between them lifting his legs so the bottom of his thighs rested against the tops of Iruka’s toes.
“I felt so dirty. Now, because of the things others have taught me, I know it was a coping mechanism, a way to for me to control my own body, albeit destructively, by freely giving it away.” Iruka admitted as he trembled in Kakashi’s embrace. The rest of the story tumbled from Iruka’s fingers in a rapid flurry of field signals half hidden by a curtain of brown hair. At the time he’d been a scared child, alone save for the sensations of a rapist holding, caressing and invading his body. Konoha was still fighting a war that had lasted for years. The psych-nin were deployed to the front to fulfill their duties as Torture and Interrogation agents. If any were left in the village, their time wouldn’t have been spent on untalented orphan genin. Sandaime did what he could but he had a village to run during wartime.
Iruka was left to chase his own demons away.
He was grateful for that in a sense. If he had not been neglected he never would have drawn the attentions of Shisui. The Uchiha prodigy was only a few months older, but he was already a talented jounin who’d proven himself on the battlefield. Iruka was in one of the back alleys of the bar district when he approached a team that had just returned from a mission. One of them, Shisui, gave him a look that spoke volumes and turned away in disgust. Another flat out refused to touch him since he was underage. The other two, people Iruka assumed were now dead, had no such issues. He fucked and sucked both of them among the piss, throw up and broken beer crates while the one who refused to touch a child stroked himself until he shot thick ropes of semen in their direction.
The two he’d solicited gave him what he’d asked for and left him crying in the alley. He was not the first child they’d encountered who’d been broken, but unlike the others Iruka hadn’t asked for money so they didn’t offer any. The one who watched and masturbated stood guard until Iruka righted his clothes. The voyeur gave him an amount of cash equivalent to what Iruka now knew was an A rank mission pay.
The guy had a strange look in his eyes as he told Iruka, “You should value yourself more" before walking away muttering, “What kind of world are we living in if doe eyed little boys give their asses away and don’t ask to get paid?”
Iruka felt eyes on him while he was in the alleyway but figured it was just because the guy who gave him money was still watching over him. The eyes remained on him the entire way back to his apartment. The next time he went out to find someone to chase away his demons a different type of monster was waiting. The Uchiha who’d dismissed him chased him to the training grounds and half killed him.
It was like he had a sixth sense. Day or night Shisui would appear when Iruka was on the verge of doing something destructive. He’d drag him to the training field and hand him a weapon. He didn’t let Iruka leave until he was completely exhausted and had worked out all of his negative emotions. Shisui wasn’t cruel but he was efficient. He didn’t say much to Iruka when they were fighting only pointing out all the ways he could have killed him after delivering a hard blow to Iruka’s many openings. If Shisui was on a mission he sent his younger cousin Itachi to look after him. Dealing with the smaller, faster child was much worse. Itachi was still learning his strength whereas Shisui knew how to pull his punches. Those sparring sessions made Iruka realize survival was the only victory that counted against a much stronger opponent.
When the war was over, Shisui was given a genin team and insisted that Iruka be placed on it. His first official act as sensei was to place Iruka in his mother’s care to learn the skills taught to all Uchiha kunoichi. It was in the company of 5 year olds that Iruka learned to respect his body. Six months later, after Iruka had learned how to separate the things he did from those that were done to him and real life from missions Shisui showed him the pictures of what normally happened to those who crossed the path of the missing ninja Iruka encountered. The Kyuubi was kinder. It did not rape or leave bodies in such messy condition.
Kakashi had remained silent the whole time. He wondered why and how someone with Iruka’s creativity and skills mostly remained in the village. He hadn’t expected to hear that. His Anbu squad had been out of the village following a lead on Orochimaru when it happened. The story of two genin squads being ambushed by missing nin during a training exercise in the forest easily overshadowed their return of the missing sannin’s half-dead apprentice. It was during the war; there weren’t any jounin available for such mundane tasks. An upper level chuunin should have been enough to keep them safe outside the village gates since they were still deep within the protective seal array guarding Konoha’s borders.
Nothing like that should have happened their backyard. Kakashi remembered reading the mission report and cold rage that someone had been able to get that far into their defenses. Fighting became easier after that. Killing became easier after that. The chuunin, one Kakashi had often worked with and had recommended for the rank of jounin, was killed trying to go for help. Two of the boys were used for target practice and one sustained career ending injuries. The three kunoichi and the other boy had been raped repeatedly.
There were rules to war, rules to invasions, kill every ninja in sight, maim children so they wouldn’t grow old enough to fight if killing or kidnapping them to add them to your own forces was not an option; rape was an instrument of torture. Some people got off on it but it had its place in the ugliness of war. Almost anything was acceptable during wartime so long as it was done in the name of your village but rogues acting selfishly could not be permitted.
Every throat he slit, every chest he punched through, the blood he spilt became balm easing his soul as it meant there would be one less nutjob setting their sights on Konoha, one less bastard bending boys to their knees, making them bleed as their friend made sure they couldn’t scream. He killed freely and without abandon using the death of others to numb his senses as his own rapists slayed alongside him.
Kakashi laid his hand on Iruka’s cheek, anchoring himself to the chuunin and pulling them both from painful memories. After several moments he spoke, “Your grandfather was a wise man. I’m sure your life would have been different, but who’s to say it would have been better. Or that you would even be alive at all? What about your brother? I want to kill him twice a week but I do kind of like the little hellion. Can you imagine his life if you hadn’t moved and he grew up surrounded by people who’d blame a child for something that happened to them?”
“I can,” Iruka whispered, “I became a full time teacher because of Itachi. He was such a sweet little kid. He barely came up to my chest but each time we fought I could barely keep up with him. I can still hear that soft squeaky voice of his, ‘Shisui-ni says you have trouble sleeping. I have to make you tired so you can sleep without bad dreams. I have bad dreams too but my ka-san and ototo-chan chase them away’.”
“It was so hard to believe that this little boy was a ninja. If you saw the way his face lit up when he saw Shisui or Sasuke or when we gave him dango, you would have thought he was just a regular kid. He was so alone. All that family, but Itachi was all alone. No one saw him for who he was no one except Shisui and Sasuke.
“I still can’t believe he killed him. All the others I can see but not Shisui. I held out hope all these years that it was some type of lie, that someone had framed him, that it was some type of mistake until he attacked Sasuke. Sasuke meant the world to him. It just didn’t make sense that he would hurt him.
Iruka paused knowing he was admitting treason but this was something he could hold no longer, “During the time we were without a Hokage I used my clearance to do more digging. I know what Danzo is doing, what Sandaime allowed him to do. I recognized some of the names in Itachi’s list of known contacts; Some of them were people who’d also shown an interest in me but Sandaime managed to chase them away. They also took interest in Naruto but suddenly stopped coming around as the two of us grew close.
“I think those people got to Itachi. It didn’t make sense how someone so kind could do the things Anbu are asked to do without snapping but Danzo specializes in emotion suppression training. I think he might have been working with Itachi but something went wrong. A kid that gentle doesn’t just kill everyone. I think about what could have happened if Danzo tried the same thing with Naruto, to do something to make him not feel so sad and so alone. I wonder what would have happened if I would have said something to Sandaime; if I would have told him that the people he’d chased away from me were hovering around Itachi.”
Kakashi lifted Iruka’s legs over his and pulled him even closer. He was Anbu. He knew things about their gentle former leader that it would kill Iruka to know. Knowledge of the things Sandaime had done to protect their village had caused Asuma to leave home. He’d joined the twelve guardians of the daimyo and find a way to approach the man about some of the more unpleasant things his Father had done. After several years of service and proving himself worthy of Lord Shijima’s trust Asuma finally gained entrance into the inner circle like he’d originally planned. A month later he requested to be allowed to return home to serve his daimyo differently. Sarutobi and Shijima were more alike than many believed. The only difference was that as Sandaime Hokage, Hiruzen knew and deeply mourned the people he sent to their deaths.
Missions commissioned personally by the Fire Lord most always ended in death. Those who survived often committed suicide by later missions when they could no longer bear the weight of their secrets. He’d done far too many of them. It was one reason Team Seven had been given to him. Lord Shijima had been pleased that his favorite tool was training the last Uchiha to become his next weapon. Kakashi truly believed the only reason he wasn’t killed after Sasuke’s defection was because he was on a mission for Shijima and unavailable to stop him.
Kakashi placed his hand beneath Iruka’s shirt and began moving his fingers; confessing in silence and darkness where no one could see him. He took great care not to touch Iruka as he signaled but he would touch Iruka’s side between secrets. Iruka placed his hand on Kakashi’s side and made slow deliberate circles feeling the jounin relax with each touch he returned. After confession his own sins Kakashi whispered, “That child you mentioned earlier. There was nothing you could have done for him. As fucked up as my childhood was, all it took was a single conversation for me to realize he was already too far gone.”
Iruka sat up so he could face Kakashi. There was no malice as he looked into his fellow teacher’s eye and asked, “If that child surrounded by those who loved him was too far gone, why do you insist upon blaming yourself for a child who was much younger when they had everything taken from them?”
Kakashi remained on the floor pondering Iruka’s question after the chuunin rose. He was still there when Iruka returned from the shower and placed a hand on shoulder, “Come on love. Let’s go to bed.”

Tsunade scowled as she reread the latest letter from Iruka. The majority of them were focused with solid information, this one seemed to ramble.
Dearest Mama,
I miss you, Sis, Maki, and Brother-in-law.
Last night I dreamed of the time we visited Nee-chan’s home. You had made sticky rice and natto for breakfast. Maki and I made a game of seeing who could hold a bean to their forehead the longest without it falling down. You and Nee-chan scolded us but in the end her husband won. I can still feel your fist against my forehead screaming, “Use this for something other than thinking up stupid things!”
In my dream it wasn’t just the five of us. Shishi and his little sister were there also. It was Aniki’s first time meeting the two of them and he was amazed by the family resemblance. She and Maki were finally getting along even if he does call her “Tabby” since she looks so much like my lion.”
We were all one big family. I do not know what it means that I would dream of a family without Papa. I would imagine he would kick me in the caboose and tell me, “A real man dreams of the future not dead things. Move forward and progress as I have taught you. Do not cry over missed trains.”
I just wanted to say that I love you. It will be warm enough to travel soon so this might be the last letter for a while. I will write you at every bridge I cross and mail it at the next post town just to let you know not to worry.
All my love,
Rui
Tsunade performed the seals to place a silencing jutsu over the room then read the letter aloud and passed it to Shizune, “Are you seeing what I am seeing?”
“Yes, Tsunade-sama, Iruka is requesting extraction via train but I do not understand what the rest means,” the brunette replied.
The Anbu in the corner stood straighter, it was a slight gesture but one agreed upon to indicate the masked warriors wished to be addressed.
“Snapping Turtle, do you have input?” Tsunade asked gruffly. She had inherited this particular Anbu from Sandiame. There were circumstances which limited her from Anbu field duty and she served only as a personal guard.
“He is asking for Izumo and one of his students Hokage-sama, most likely Sakura-san.”
“And you know this how?” Tsunade snorted in annoyance.
The Anbu understood Tsunade’s brusque tone was at her breach of protocol. Anything heard in the Hokage’s office unless specifically given permission to listen was to be ignored. “The references to sticky rice, natto which is also sticky, and how long beans stick to his face are references to the syrup capture jutsu. I have often seen Umino-sensei dropping a fist upon the top of his students’ heads while giving that admonishment. He always hits the top of their heads, never their forehead. If I am not mistaken ‘Forehead’ is the name that Inoichi’s daughter calls your apprentice.”
“Very well, Snapping Turtle,” Tsunade replied with a nod.
“Hokage-sama” the Anbu spoke unprompted again.
“Yes, Snapping Turtle?” replied slightly annoyed.
“Might I suggest bringing Hanabara in for a consultation and that Sakura be sent to Mizuho so she will match Hatake-san’s coloring,” the Anbu offered helpfully.
“His coloring?” Tsunade asked skeptically.
“Yes, Hokage-sama, our operatives are hiding in plain sight. I have reason to believe that Umino-sensei deliberately referenced lions and tabby cats to give us a hint to Hatake-san’s coloring,” Anko replied
“And why would you think that?” Tsunade asked her annoyance slowly giving way to amusement. Civilian business owners, Yamanaka Hanabara and Akimichi Mizuho were unclassified jounin level operatives who excelled the fields of subterfuge and covert infiltration. Unlike Sandaime she had no use for a crystal ball. The weekly reports she received from the Yamanaka flower shop and Akimichi beauty parlor kept her abreast of what was truly going on in her village as well as highly entertained.
Anko smiled beneath her mask however her voice remained indistinct and level, “It is well known that Hatake-san is a dog person. After their disagreement over the nomination of such fresh genin to the chuunin exams, Umino-sensei mentioned dying Hatake-san golden brown, rolling him in a litter box, covering him with chakra suppressors and dropping him off in the middle of the Inuzuka compound. If he survived that he’d toss him into the Forest of Death naked to see if the lion or tiger was truly the king of the jungle.”
Tsunade shook her head and laughed openly while Shizune tried and failed to hide her own mirth. When she first became Hokage she questioned her former sensei’s judgment at surrounding himself with chuunin and tokubetsu of what she originally considered questionable character. Each day that passed she slowly understood why the Third had very few true jounin among those most involved the village’s day to day operations. Most who had reached jounin status had been drilled in standard protocol as a matter of survival. Chuunin and tokubetsu only maintained that rigidity on missions or other life and death situations so they felt more comfortable stepping outside the perimeters of military protocol.

Daga: Thank you for your feedback. I hope this chapter lives up to you expectations.

Wikedsinn: Updates are love. Thank you for your patience between them.

Kim G.: Welcome back. I’m glad this made you happy.

ProjectMJOLNIR: Thank you so much for all of your reviews, kind words and support. My heart danced when you mentioned hating to go back to work after breaks and lunches. Fanfiction is my escape. There are so many talented authors who have given me much needed breaks when real life got to be a bit much. I can’t describe the warm feelings I get when someone tells me I’ve been able to pass that along.

Saki: Welcome! I love hearing from new readers.Thank you for taking the time to let me know you are enjoying Another Perfect Wonder.
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