Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

ⲃⳙⲧⲧⲉⲅ⳨ⳑⲩ	By : Sessakag Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female > Naruto/Hinata Views: 4852 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, just the story I write

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Chapter Five
The Price of Attention

May 13, 2016
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Smug smiles and sympathetic eyes, hushed whispers and not so quiet strings of gossip swept the crowded lunchroom as a pink-haired senior, with her head held high, stepped through the doors, female posse, just as haughty, following close behind. They claimed a table semi-center stage of the cafeteria, Sakura unwilling to convey even a hint of intimidation beneath the heightened scrutiny of her peers.
Throwing on her ice queen cloak, she took her seat with a taunting swish of her long bubblegum hair, conspicuously scanning the room for one person in particular.
She found him instantly, fueling the whispers and rumors with his mere presence.
Today’s titillating teen news?
Hinata Hyuuga wasn’t tucked in a dark corner, cut off from the world. The voluntary recluse was sitting at a table two rows away from being in the middle of the room, and once again, she wasn’t alone. Short blonde locks shiny and neatly trimmed, jet black jacket professionally pressed courtesy of Kushina Uzumaki, Naruto Uzumaki presented a rather dashing picture. Though the two golden buttons undone at the top disrupted the smooth, clean cut look Ouran High’s male uniform lent most of her school’s male counterparts and instead lent him a rugged bad boy persona.
Not that it was all persona.
Naruto was a bit of a rule bender(breaker), though nothing too out of the norm for teens. A few drinks at a house party, sneaking out (or in) after curfew, a little bit of pot here and there though not as much this year since he was taking his last year of bukatsudo seriously, especially since he and others had finally gained approval for the shooto club, taught by ‘a total badass, dattebayo’, some weirdo they called ‘Guy-sensei’.
Guy-sensei was strict and could ‘smell pot sixteen miles away’.
Desperate to avoid being banned from tournaments or even worse, getting thrown off the team, Naruto kept the puff-puff to a boring minimum.
Sakura, meanwhile was puffing more than usual, irritated and agitated with having to listen to rumors about him with the transfer student or to have to sit through what she was now.
Hinata’s now infamous blonde haired, blue eyed lapdog sat perpendicular to the girl, the edge of the table between them, but their proximity was closer than it had ever been before. They were several tables over but directly in her line of sight if she turned her head to the right. Sakura’s ‘ex-boyfriend’ looked every bit his sunny, attractive self, chatting animatedly in the way only Naruto Uzumaki could, all smiles and nauseating good vibes for the girl at his side. Really selling the ‘I’ve moved on, dattebayo’ gimmick, and had it not been for his not so stealthy glances in her direction when he first started interacting with the Hyuuga, Sakura might have entertained the notion he was actually interested in the balloon tits freak.
Sakura wasn’t stupid, not by a long shot.
He was baiting her, waging a silent war in self control, doing his very best to goad her into a jealous outburst and she was sooo tempted to give him what he wanted.
One good smack to his whiskered face would get her point across.
She turned away from him, striving for control.
He might as well be a six-foot-one piece of glass because she could absolutely see right through him. Every sunny grin was an act, his boisterous laughter and cheery disposition around the girl was just like his sickening fixation on Hinata Hyuuga, nothing more than a ploy to get under her skin.
Well joke was on him.
Sakura wasn’t the least bit jealous.
She wasn’t.
She found herself glaring at the pair again.
At least she shouldn’t be. It’s not like she didn’t know he had dated other girls on their ‘breaks’, she knew he slept with them too. She wasn’t mad about that really, they both kinda…tested the waters when they were on a ‘break’ even though they never really discussed it.
He had just never had the balls to do it openly, let alone right in front of her even though she had, and yeah, maybe that was wrong, maybe she shouldn’t have paraded her ‘side boyfriends’ around in front him, but he knew it was never anything serious. She had never been serious about anyone but him, would never be serious about anyone but him.
Naruto Uzumaki rocked her world like nobody else, in bed and out. They had a special bond, a deep love and had been together since, well, forever.
They were meant for each other.
Sakura knew he felt the same, maybe even more than she did, and that’s why she knew his game.
This was his payback for every time she flirted with another boy in front of him, or flat out dated another guy openly, unfortunately for him, she wasn’t gonna give him the satisfaction of a reaction even if she found this whole charade so goddamn annoying.
Their eyes met accidentally, his smug and piercing, hers narrowed and irritated.
Sakura broke contact, rolling exasperated emerald eyes skyward and complaining to the table, “he’s so predictable and childish.”
Next to the bitching teen, Ino Yamanaka hummed her agreement as she brought a small broccoli floret to her mouth. The two girls had met and fallen in bff love freshman year, but from the type of bestfriend energy they exuded, you’d assume the sassy tag team had started their bonding straight from their respective mothers womb. From her refusal to leave the house without full make-up, to her snarky somewhat self absorbed attitude, Ino personified the title diva. She kept her platinum locks waist long and gathered at the top of her crown, her nails always freshly manicured and her uniform skirt dangerously high on her slim thighs.
Beside the platinum blonde was another blonde, Temari Ito. More like an older sister to the bunch, Temari was almost always the voice of reason, nagging at her friends when they were being idiots. They met sophomore year but hung out a little less than they used to at the start. Temari liked to do her own thing, she avoided drama for the most part but spoke her mind all the time. Her yellow hair was parted in four puffy ponytails, her uniform worn as directed but she liked to change up her shiny lip gloss once a week.
Across from the trio, Karui Ando shook a strawberry milkshake, nodding her head sagely at Sakura’s comment. The pretty mocha skinned teen was an OG part of their little clique. She was one of the kids Naruto invited to the sandbox back when they were all as small as a Chihuahua. Karui was a ‘tell it like I see it’ type girl. Though laid back by default Karui had a hot temper when riled. Her long red hair, a deeper shade than Kushina’s legendary strands, was kept shiny and lightly curled at the ends, a single bouncy bang brushing her dark brows.
Tayuya Nahara was the newest arrival to their group, having only connected at the start of the school year, though they had heard about her long before then. Everyone knew about the bad tempered, foul mouthed, always down to fight, tomboy. She spent more time suspended than anyone Sakura had ever seen. Tayuya was more of a special guest among their group orbit. She hung with the girls here and there, but butted heads with too many of their guy friends to fit in amongst them. She was too abrasive and got under everybody’s skin, often finding herself the center of some pretty heated arguments. With hot heads like Naruto and Kiba, it was a recipe for disaster and it wasn’t just them. Tayuya had done the impossible, pissing off the ever cheerful Lee, not once, but twice. She was a unique breed of mess that just was not a good addition to their circle. She wasn’t bad looking at all, but the perpetual scowl was off putting. Her dark pink locks were cut short and messy, spiked loosely in a small mohawk. She wore her clothes as though she merely slept in them and rolled out of bed, wrinkled and sloppy. Honestly the school should relent and let the girl wear the male uniform because she sat like she was wearing pants.
Fuu Masuda was a ditzy fun loving, self proclaimed ‘free spirit’. The tan-skinned, minty-green haired girl smiled and laughed more than Choji, though had a hard time reading between the lines in social situations. Honest to a fault, and a detriment of those around, Fuu was the last person you told secrets to but was the first person you ran to for information. The happy-go-lucky track star would spill everything she knew in a heartbeat, though if you were lucky enough, she’d forget whatever sensitive information passed through her ears within a day or so.
Tenten Tanaka was suspiciously missing.
Again.
Another sandbox OG, Tenten was also, albeit significantly less extreme, tomboy, but where Tayuya was masculine and overt, Tenten retained a significant girly-girl persona. She was just as comfortable at a nail salon as she was horsing around on a dirty football field with smelly, sweaty guys. She was fun and a bit goofy, could be quite serious, and was one of the best secret keepers on the planet. Well, at least in regards to her sexual orientation. Tenten had never dated anybody that any of them had seen and after twelve years of friendship, no one had any idea idea what team she played for, if any. Ino was convinced the teen was asexual, most of them quietly agreed, though with the way she kept disappearing lately, even Ino was beginning to suspect that wasn’t the case.
“Ya gotta admire his dedication to the cause though,” Ino titled, opening her lunch box, “he’s gotta be bored out of his mind talking to himself.”
Sakura chuffed derisively as she unscrewed the cap to her tea.
“I dunno,” Fuu hummed, spooning another mouthful of chocolate pudding from her lunch tray, leaving the silverware hanging loosely in her mouth as she continued, “he might be serious this time. He’s never dated any girl around you, now he’s practically rubbing it in your face, and look at the girl he decided to do it with. Every time you two ‘break up’,” she emphasized with finger quotes, “he goes for really thick girls. Hyuuga’s got more thickness than a jar of peanut butter. I think that’s really his type of girl and he’s doing all this to tell you that without, you know, having to actually tell you that.”
Sakura froze.
Tayuya snorted a laugh.
Karui let out a heavy sigh, rubbing her forehead.
“For the love of- read the room Fuu! Is this really the time for idiotic conspiracies?” Ino hissed, glancing over at her disturbed friend.
Pink brows furrowed, Sakura searched her memory for any mention of Naruto’s previous flings. Shion instantly came to mind, and she only knew about her because a friend of a friend recognized Shion as a girl she’d seen making out with Naruto during one of their ‘breaks’. Sakura and her group had coincidently decided to eat lunch at a shop where Shion was a cashier. Face to face with her ‘ex-boyfriend’s’ current…whatever, she couldn’t help but make comparisons and contractions between her and the voluptuous side piece. Giant tits, generous backside, the two women couldn’t be more anatomically different. They were similar in attitude but that was it.
Sakura hadn’t though about it too deep after, and a week later, she and Naruto were an item again and Shion was forgotten by both teens. She didn’t really know who else he’d fooled around with, to her, they had always been faceless, nameless unimportant girls.
Until now because apparently, Naruto had a type when he wasn’t with her.
A type that didn’t line up with her body structure.
She wasn’t insecure, never had been and could never see herself ever being so, but that…kinda bothered her.
Why the hell was he going after women that were…more endowed than her?
Just what the hell did that mean?
“Hardly a conspiracy,” Temari huffed, “Naruto always dates thicks girls when he’s not with you. We never said anything since you’re usually doing your own thing, but we’ve all seen him and heard about it. He is one hundred percent into curvy girls.”
“You two aren’t helping,” Ino growled.
“Yeah we are,” Temari refuted, leaning forward to catch the angry eyes of the pinkette, “you and blondie are toxic together, move on.”
“We are not toxic,” Sakura snapped.
“Right, that’s why you guys break up every three days. You’re like oil and water, or two magnets flipped to negative and trying to fight the repelling force,” Temari clapped back, “I know you love him and all, but come on girl, it’s just not meant to be. You’re wasting your time chasing each other.”
“I’m not chasing him, you don’t even know what the hell you’re talking about,” she growled, snatching her tea and chugging aggressively.
Naruto was the one who chased her, not the other way around.
“Gotta agree with melon tits over here, I think you’re wasting your time too, but hey, if you want the guy then don’t let that bitch wiggle her way into your spot,” Tayuya instigated, slamming a fist into her open palm, “fuckin drag his ass back where he belongs and if Miss. Balloon-tits has a problem, knock her bougie ass out-”
“And get suspended her final year of school. I’m sure that’ll look great on her transcripts and make it even easier to qualify for scholarships,” Karui mocked, her droll tone broadcasting how stupid that plan sounded, “good idea Tayuya.”
“Shut the fuck up. I don’t see you coming up with any bright ideas.”
“That wasn’t even an idea, all you told her to do was beat-up the transfer student. You’re too heavy handed, all you wanna do is fight all the time.”
“Gets the point across faster than pussyfooting around.”
“There’s a difference between pussyfooting and avoiding jail time, Taz,” Ino injected.
“You’re exaggerating, we’re still in high school. They’re not gonna arrest ya over a little fight. Just don’t fuck her up too bad and you’ll be fine. Worse comes to worse, ya might get expelled,” the reckless girl shoveled mashed potatoes into her mouth and continued on, ignoring their disgusted looks as she talked with her mouth full, “and if ya do end up breakin the lil bitch, well, juvie’s not that bad.”
“Her birthday was in March,” Ino said, “she’s absolutely going to jail if she-”
“I’m not beating up the hush mouth weirdo,” Sakura injected, rolling her eyes at the idiotic suggestion, “in fact, I’m not doing anything. If he wants to chase after that freaky-eyed mouse, more power to him. I’m not playing his game,” she announced to the table, aggressively ripping the plastic lid from her little bowl of rice, “he’ll be begging to get back together by summer break. I’m not worried about it. You know how he is.”
“Hmmm, I dunno, they look awfully comfy right about now,” Fuu hummed finishing her last scoop of pudding, orange eyes shifted in the direction of the blonde.
‘Don’t take the bait, Sakura,’ she coaxed herself, gripping her chopsticks
“What’s he doing? Why’s he getting so close to her?” Tayuya questioned, she too gazing to the side.
‘Don’t let that idiot win.’
“He is not gonna do that in front of everybody!” Ino gasped.
Dammit.
She looked.
Naruto was leaned across that little space at the edge of their table, his handsome face extremely close to Hinata’s dipped head, riling a few students into a gossiping frenzy and excited anticipation. Sakura inhale sharply, something ugly and painful bubbling in her chest as she watch him lean even closer.
From her vantage point, it looked like he was…going to kiss her.
He looked like he was about to lock lips with the transfer student! Right in front of her!
He wouldn’t!
He absolutely wouldn’t!
She half rose from her seat, ready to smack her boyfriend into next week. Thank goodness for her bestie, Ino yanked her back down before she made an absolute fool of herself because the scene wasn’t what it looked like at all, though somehow, it was still a monumental event in the life of high schoolers.
“She talked!” Fuu gasped, mouth agape, eyes bright as though seeing some rare creature in the wild.
Apparently the busty thorn in her side really could talk. That rumor that remained an unverified rumor because the only person to ever actually see her lips move was the source of the rumor; Naruto.
Now there was proof.
Hinata Hyuuga could speak.
Judging by the way the blonde was straining to hear, she wasn’t much louder than a whisper.
Crisis averted, Sakura felt like she could breathe again. She should have known he wouldn’t go that far with his idiotic game.
“The fuck game is she playing at?” Tayuya barked, cutting through the novel moment, “if she can bump gums to him why the hell is she zipping lips with everybody else?”
“Probably some damsel in distress drama queen routine,” Ino surmised, scrunching her nose at the pair, “she’s pulling for attention and clearly it’s working. She’s got that delicate doll look and playing to it well. Guys really eat that shit up, even Sai has a bit of a hero complex.”
“So she’s a fake bitch.”
“Looks like it,” Karui hummed, craning her head to get a better look.
Sakura snorted, turning back to her rice, “more proof that idiot is pretending to be into her just to get back at me. Naruto can’t stand fragile girls, he doesn’t like dealing with them and he’s way too blunt and impatient for crybabies. He’ll lose his cool and have her crying real tears in no time,” she predicted confidently, taking a bite of rice, swallowing before adding, “I’ll let him crash and burn on his own. He likes to learn the hard way anyway.”
With an exasperated sigh, Temari grabbed her tray, “well, it’s been fun, I’m gonna go find me a drama free corner.”
“Yeah right,” Ino dismissed, grinning cheekily, “you’re gonna go suck face with Shikamaru.”
“Shut up,” cheeks pinks and no denial, Temari glared at her fellow blonde, ignoring the kissy sounds Ino made as she left.
The table erupted into laughter. They settled into their normal vibe, chit chatting about nothing, Sakura making a concerted effort not to look at her ex.
A shadow fell over her side of the table.
Sakura glanced over her shoulder, knowing, from the looks on Tayuya and Ino’s face, this new arrival wasn’t exactly somebody they liked.
She turned to look at the familiar guy standing behind her.
“Hey Sakura, heard about you and Uzumaki calling it quits,” he remarked casually, nudging his head in the blonde’s direction, “assholes’ already moving on apparently, so how’s about you and me go see a movie this weekend, gorgeous. I can make you forget all about him.”
Hot guys looking for a date with her usually gave the pinkette a bit of a thrill. What girl wouldn’t enjoy being singled out by the cream of the crop of her class and spoon fed a healthy dose of male attention? To say she was usually flattered was an understatement, right now however, she was less than impressed.
It wasn’t his looks.
He was handsome to be sure, though not in a way that was unique to her. His sandy brown hair was neat and trimmed, body built powerful but sleek, perfectly suited to the high level baseball player. It was his personality she found revolting.
She had no idea what the guy’s name was, but she knew of him.
A manwhore jock who’s greatest ambition was to plow through the female population of Ouran High before graduation day.
Rumor had it, he didn’t limit himself to just students.
Two teachers got canned last year, and this cretin was credited as the source of those impromptu terminations. He was a repulsive meatbag she wouldn’t be caught dead with, and that was before she saw him salivating at the mouth chasing around her boyfriend’s current play thing last month. For that alone she would’ve rejected him, she didn’t want Hinata Hyuuga’s sloppy seconds.
“Weren’t you drooling all over the new girl last week?” she remarked, brow raised, arms crossed, “now you’re tying to ask me out? You must think I’m desperate.”
Unruffled by the rebuff, and the giggles of the table, he pressed on.
“Wasn’t anything serious, she’s hot, lot of guys were trying to get at her,” the baseball player shrugged, giving not a shit how shallow and gross that made him sound, in fact, he dug his pit deeper because, why the hell not?, “I was actually trying to make a little money,” the teen leaned towards her, his voice turning conspiratorial, excited as he whispered in her ear, “word is, there’s a ¥20,000 bet going around to sleep with her.”
Disgusted, unimpressed but unsurprised by the bet, Sakura mushed him out of her personal space, pert nose scrunched in distaste. Ouran High loved to pretend it was this shining example of upstanding young people, but a person didn’t have to look too deep to see the rot underneath its polished exterior. This school was full of creeps, weirdos and repulsive horny teens that liked to bet on girls like pieces of meat.
A real cesspool.
“If you’re that broke and pathetic why are you in my face, why don’t you go make some money, pig,” the pinkette snarked, wiggling her fingers in the direction of the Hyuuga girl, though she kept her eyes on her unwanted guest, “she’s still free.”
Brown eyes flashed dangerously, his pleasant features contorting, giving anybody that was paying attention a glimpse into the monster beneath his good looks, “poor Uzumaki, now I see why he broke up with you and is all over the new girl, you’re a trash mouthed bitch.”
Teeth gritted, eating utensil snapping in her outraged fist, Sakura rose from her seat, one hand cocked to her hip, the other gripping the hard plastic beneath her food, ready to brain sewer mouth guy with her tray.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, stuck up bitch,” the tall asshole growled, straightening to his full height.
Sakura was a bit taller than the average girl, but he was a half head taller. Made up of lean muscle and at least fifty pounds heavier, he wasn’t exactly light weight. She had no doubt he could flatten her like a pancake but was she gonna back down from this giant douche?
Hell no.
Not after he had called her a bitch, not once but twice.
Not when the lunchroom was rumbling with excitement and watching this random showdown.
Sakura hadn’t encountered a guy that’d openly swing on a girl, and even if he was one of the slim few, she had back up. Tayuya, ever the glutton for violence, was up too, standing in a most unladylike stance. Foot anchored on the table, uncaring that she was wearing a skirt, the rowdy tomboy looked ready to launch herself over the moment shit popped off.
“Fuck off you arrogant prick. Big man talking shit to a girl. Not only are you weak, you’re beyond pathetic, you can’t even get a mousy, freaky-eyed mute to give you the time of day, why the hell did you think I would? But somehow in your pea brain that makes me stuck up and a bitch? Get lost loser,” Sakura snapped, tossing long strawberry locks, “I’m not interested in your over inflated ego or whatever the hell you’re compensating for with that tough douche attitude.”
Whispers abounded, a few chuckles and giggles from the onlookers close enough to hear.
“Fuck you,” he snarled, checks aflame, “don’t fuckin flatter yourself. You should be grateful I’m even talking to your concave chest ass. I can get any girl I want, I don’t need-”
“Then go get her, numb nuts,” Tayuya goaded, “what’s stopping you? Nut up or shut up. Go bag the big tit weirdo, since you can have ‘any girl you want’ right?” the table of women (and some female spectators) snorted doubtfully and rolled eyes at that proclamation, “you’re a fuckin joke. All that confidence and you got shit to show for it. You’re standing there with your dick in your hand trying to square up with females.”
“Fuck you bitch.”
“You stuck on repeat or something? Only bitch here is you. Ten whole minutes of whining and crying because you don’t know how to pick up girls. Why don’t you take your hurt feeling and fragile male ego and get the fuck out of our face before I show you how big of a bitch you are and give you something to fuckin cry about.”
Sakura didn’t back down from guys, and sure she might slap one to get her point across, however, that was a far cry from trying to go toe to toe with one.
Tayuya had no such reservations.
She’d throw hands with anyone or anything with a heartbeat that pissed her off. ‘Tasmanian Tayuya’ wasn’t one to do too much talking either. She wasn’t making a threat, she was making a promise, and from the way she was standing, Mr. Sandy-Haired Douche had about thirty seconds to vacate the premises before she started swinging.
Fuu slid her tray out of tantrum range.
Karui got up completely.
Pretty girl, not about to ruin said pretty face with second hand violence, Ino, joined Karui.
Luckily, king douche decided he wasn’t in the mood for smoke.
“One of these days you’re gonna get fucked up trying to play a man you fuckin butch,” and with that parting comment, the douche stormed across the cafeteria, elbowing those in his path.
“Pussy!” Tayuya yell at his retreating back, glaring as he turned and shot the single fingered salute on both hands and disappeared through the door.
“Can you believe that?” one girl whispered.
“I wonder what that was about,” another murmured.
“Think he tried to pick up Haruno and got rejected,” a boy speculated.
“Guess she’s not over Uzumaki yet, huh?”
“Alright people, show’s over,” Ino shooed her fellow students rubbernecking and owl-eying the pink haired girl, “beat it! We’re trying to eat over here!”
“Yeah, mind your fuckin business unless one of you wanna be next!” Tayuya barked, reclaiming her seat and chomping down on cold meat with a ferocity that bothered any guy watching.
Unable to help herself, Sakura searched for blonde hair and blue eyes, expecting to see a jealous teen glaring at the doors the baseball player disappeared behind or questioning if she was alright with his oceanic baby blues.
She found neither.
Naruto was gone.
So was the new girl.
Sakura stood, dumped her mostly uneaten lunch in the trash and stormed off.
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The most frustrating thing about anxiety was that it absolutely didn’t care about anyone or anything.
It didn’t care if it made others think you were weird.
It didn’t care if it made you look like a fool.
It didn’t care if it reinforced the notion amongst the misinformed that people like you are weak just because you couldn’t do things a ‘normal’ person could.
It didn’t care if you wanted it or not, if you were ready or not, if you could handle it or not. It didn’t care where you were, who you were with, how ridiculous or small the trigger, it reared it’s ugly head when and wherever it wanted. At the drop of the dime that raging beast flared to life, hungry for the downtrodden and traumatized, rending every safeguarding mental health tool down to nothing and swallowing you whole.
Hinata was caught inside it jowls, she felt its bite down to her marrow, every sharp puncture tearing apart her illusion of control.
She walked on legs that protested her weight, chest burning on each hitch of her lungs, exacerbated by her pathetic attempt to mask her hyperventilation from the world at large. She had been here before, fleeing attention as though her life depended on fading into obscurity.
Disappearing was her best skill, but listening was too.
Back in those first harrowing days of school, the nervous young woman caught many excited whispers directed at her, many flattering, some catty, all stemming from her sudden arrival, her…attractiveness and ‘mysterious’ persona.
Unsettled and distressed, Hinata broke down often beneath this unwanted attention, flying into a panic attacked the moment she came home with Kurenai as witness for the first time since taking her in. Hinata knew she’d never live those days down, it still shamed her to remember how vulnerable and weak she had been in those moments. Stressed and overwhelmed, wanting to quit before something bad happened to her, Hinata had all but begged to stay home and finish her last year of school within the four corners of her bedroom. Her carer had pushed her, albeit gently, to wait out the buzz and novelty her presence brought to Ouran High, to allow herself and her classmates to adjust to each other’s presence, reminding her that she was strong, that she could make a place for herself in the world.
Clinging to that belief, Hinata returned day after day, each time she attended a quiet victory in a long line of failure.
By the second week, she was no longer fighting full blown panic attacks between classes.
By the third, she felt adjusted and calmer, able to tune out the noise around her and focus on the quiet contentment of attending school for the first time in her life.
She created a nook for herself, a place to belong amongst her peers.
She kept to herself and outside the occasional social request from boys and girls alike, Hinata was largely, thankfully, left alone.
She didn’t want anybody notice her.
She didn’t want anybody to know she existed.
If you didn’t exist, you couldn’t get hurt. When you were nothing more than a continuation of the background people passed right by you without a glance. Ignored and forgotten, overlooked and dismissed but more importantly than anything else, safe.
Sheltered from ridicule, free of the cruelty so prevalent to human nature, isolation held an appeal that few could appreciate in the way she did.
Being alone was comforting, reassuring that she was no one’s object of contempt.
No one’s target, no one’s punching bag.
She was just…nobody, and that was preferable to whatever frightening unknown awaited her in any measure of spotlight…
…and yet she was openly coveting a tiny fraction of that spotlight.
Naruto Uzumaki.
Her radiant, jovial, popular classmate was slowly pushing her more and more into the awareness of everyone else, shoving concerted efforts to live shadows in the opposite direction. Part of her wanted to distance herself from him, a bigger part wanted to stay.
He was the boy that shared his sandwich with a starving little girls and apologized when he hurt her feelings, and when she was around him, she was taken back to that day in the woods, her chest filled with that same warmth she had felt hunched over in the cold nibbling at that half eaten lunch meat and bread, remembering his sunny face and wondering what it was like to smile, and maybe it was selfish, maybe it was silly but…she didn’t want to give up that.
She didn’t want to return to the cold.
Naruto was…nice.
Larger than life, positive and upbeat, he was everything she wasn’t and she admired that.
He brought color to her dull world, and though he didn’t remember her, they shared a moment in time that was forever emblazoned in her heart.
He was her first.
Her first taste of kindness.
Her first glimpse of compassion.
Her first time meeting someone that wasn’t out to hurt her.
So many times she’d gone back to find him, and each time that sport turned up empty it was like a blow to her chest, a wound that ached more than the ones father gave her. Years later, now that she had finally found him, she felt that an easing of that childhood pain. She had finally come full circle, slowly healing that lonely rift her past self nursed, soothing to that child that still lived in her. He gave so easily that social connection she longed for, a sliver of contentment but…
Her newfound contentment came at a price.
Despite her nervousness around him, Hinata didn’t mind him knowing she existed.
Everyone else…
She couldn’t stand the weight of their attention.
She felt picked apart and stripped naked, surrounded by unfamiliar eyes and unknown intent. Like they were sizing her up and exposing every weakness she struggled to hide, waiting to figure out what made her tick just so they could take her apart from the inside out. She didn’t really know anybody in the cafeteria, but today, she’d recognized ghost of the past.
There was boy at the lunch table across from her who’s scowl reminded her of cousin Kyo.
A passing girl, meal tray in hand, that sneered so much like auntie Suzume.
Worse of all was the faculty member that stood monitoring the eating students. Tall and imposing, his hawkish gaze and prudish visage so stiff it was as if her hard faced father was watching her. Judging her table manners, checking her posture, ensuring she was sitting with her back straight enough, elbows off the table, chewing slow and quiet ‘as was proper for a lady’. As Naruto chatted endlessly, she’d found herself arranging herself according to her father’s teachings, losing herself in the past, remembering that for every infraction, every slouch and impropriety she’d find herself in a world of pain.
It was stupid of her to feel that way.
So stupid because she was no longer at her father’s table, no longer under his thumb.
And yet she had sat there, tense and sick with anxiety, her body bracing for a blow even though she told it not to, all the while a familiar demand raged inside her.
Fight or flight.
Realizing what was coming, that the trauma coaster had already begun its quick ascent and was poised for a whiplash descent, Hinata had excused herself, whispering of a tummy ache she did but didn’t have to Naruto and rushed from the cafeteria where she was now.
Gasping and choking on fear, searching for a hidden sanctuary to have her inappropriate meltdown.
The universe took mercy on her poor soul, every stall was open and empty, the girls bathroom on the third floor blessedly deserted.
Wheezing for control, shaking uncontrollably, Hinata struggled to recall her mental health tools list.
Recognize you’re having a panic attack. It may feel like you are dying but remind yourself this is temporary. Understand this will pass- Check.
Close your eyes. Panic attacks may come from triggers that overwhelm you. When you’re in a fast-paced environment with a lot of stimuli, this can exacerbate your condition. Closing your eyes can reduce excess stimuli during panic attacks and make it easier to focus on your breathing- Check.
She felt like it was backfiring, her wheezing sounded even louder.
Deep breathing. Breathe through the nose, fill the chest, count to four, hold a second then exhale slowly through the mouth, repeat, repeat, repeat until breathing is under control.
She sucked in a breath…and choked. Her lungs stuttered, refusing her plea to expand, heightening her terror. Falling back to her hitched breathing, Hinata gripped the bathroom sink, knuckles whitening as she held on for dear life.
Deep breathing- Not checked.
What else, what else?
Mindfulness may help ground you in the reality of what ’s around you. Panic attacks can cause a feeling of detachment or separation from reality, grounding helps combat the panic attack as it’s approaching or actually happening. Focus on the physical sensations you are familiar with, like digging your feet into the ground or feeling the texture of your jeans on your hands. These specific sensations ground you firmly in reality and give you something objective to focus on.
Sink- hard, chilly.
She touched her clothes, noticing how sweaty her palms felt, the dampness they left behind by her frantic stroking.
Her hands were sweaty, her skirt was stiff and skin felt clammy, cold and prickly and-
She shook her head.
Mindfulness- not checked.
Mental distractions such as counting can also help you escape your panic symptoms. Close your eyes and slowly count to 10, repeat and count to 20, then 30 and so on.
1…2…3…4…4….
…4…
She couldn’t concentrate, the sound of her labored breathing hurt her ears, the horrible echo of her struggling lungs drowning out her feeble counting.
She knew what she was going to have to do and hated it.
Today’s scheduled Clonazepam had already been distributed into her system but, she hadn’t touched the extras.
Not since her first few weeks of school.
Her therapist told her it wasn’t a big deal, her psychiatrist prescribed her extra just for these occasions.
Taking them wasn’t a big deal.
It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal.
She was making it a big deal and she wanted to stop but that voice in her head, the one that agreed with the people that called her ‘weak’, those that looked at her funny and made fun of the way she panicked through everyday life. The ‘normal’ people that would tell her taking that extra pill was admitting defeat, that she was failing herself by leaning on an artificial crutch.
Trembling breaths puffed through her lips, shakily she reached again for the sink to support her weight.
Calm down…she willed herself.
“Please…” she begged herself quietly.
Don’t let it win.
Don’t make a fool of yourself.
Her short breaths quickened, kicked into overdrive as her callous mind played out a vivid nightmare of her breaking down at school. Highlighting the pitiful pictured she’d make suffocating on fear, sweating as though trapped in a sauna turned high, trembling like a spineless coward that couldn’t handle a tiny bit of attention.
Distraught and disheartened, she fumbled with her shoulder bag, popped the Velcro latch and dug for salvation.
Silently calling herself every painful name that had ever passed the lips of her father, she pulled out the orange bottle.
Spineless.
It shook in her hand, blaring a damning rattle louder than the awful roar in her head.
Useless.
She pushed down and twisted, freeing the cap but tightening her chains.
Worthless.
Clammy fingers fished one out and her eyes began to burn.
Helpless.
The tablet slid down her throat, tears traced her cheeks.
Weak.
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Naruto zipped his fly, and wandered over to the sink.
After Hinata’s quick exit, his mind shifted its focus to his screaming bladder. He sat with his friends for less than a minute before running to take a leak. Tea always went right through him, no matter what kind. Mom said it was good for him though Naruto wasn’t so sure. Peeing ten times a day wasn’t healthy no matter how you sliced it, at least not to his mind.
Once his hands were soaped, rinsed and dried, he fished his phone from his pocket and glanced over his LINE notifications.
Kiba created a new ‘guys only’ group chat for their ‘Hyuuga hottie’ discussions but as per usual, expanded the criteria to include any girly that tickled his perverted fancy, same as the last three chat groups he created. Naruto was convinced he just liked making bullshit ass groups with stupid stamps for no damn reason. That or he genuinely enjoyed being a virtual nuisance.
Their regular group chat, the one including the girls, made him chuckle. Sakura-chan was still active in it, but refused to interact with him, anything he shared or any texts concerning him. After her last messages (insults) to his phone were (purposefully) left on read, she went back to giving him the cold shoulder.
She hadn’t called, texted or spoken to him in over a week.
Would’ve bothered him if he didn’t notice she couldn’t keep her eyes off him. That look she gave him at lunch…
He chuckled.
She didn’t even need to slap his face for him to feel the sting.
Silence aside, she was pissed.
Satisfied with today’s events, he shot a few messages to the private group chat, pocketed his phone then pushed the bathroom door open with his shoulder, least his mother sense that he put his freshly washed hands on a filthy door.
“-most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I’ve never said that about any girl. Hey, hey, where you going? Don’t be shy. I don’t bite,” a voice coaxed, “let me take you out. I promise I’ll show you a good time.”
The comment stopped him as he left the boy’s bathroom.
Curious, he turned in the direction of the male voice.
A tall teen, one he recognized from the baseball club stood over a petite brunette. A brunette that clearly didn’t want the attention. His brows furrowed. You’d have to be blind, deaf and dumb, or a complete asshole, not realize that.
She didn’t just look uncomfortable…
Pressed against the lockers, leaning away from the teen heartthrob, Hinata Hyuuga looked terrified. Naruto knew she was a timid girl, prone to anxiety in social situations but this looked beyond that. There were tears forming on her thick lashes.
She was scared…genuinely scared.
He wasn’t sure if something had happened before hand while he was in the bathroom to put that look on her face, but he knew one thing for sure.
He didn’t like it.
He strode purposefully over to the two, blue eyes sharp on the sandy haired boy.
“Hey, doesn’t look like she’s interested man,” he told him, “let her be, ‘ttebayo.”
Sandy hair gave him an annoyed glare and straightened his full length in warning. Nearly eye level with the towering Uzumaki, the two shared a look, a silent challenge blaring between them. Naruto was sure the baseball player knew who he was and what he was capable of, but he also knew the overbearing Casanova wannabe wouldn’t want to look weak in front of a girl, even if that girl wasn’t interested in him. He’d either make a fuss or walk away.
Naruto was fine with either.
He’d never been shy about swinging his fists, though he was also not one to always choose violence first in every encounter. Unless it was something that pissed him off, making the first move in a standoff wasn’t his thing anymore. Or at least, he was trying to retire that jerk reaction. He’d actually been doing pretty well. Two years ago, he’d have knocked the dude in front of him flat on his ass thirty seconds ago. With graduation looming, he didn’t need any more disciplinary marks on his record.
Dad had taught him better than that, and mom would skin him alive.
Besides, he didn’t usually need to go that route anymore.
People knew who Naruto Uzumaki was.
So it was up to sandy head.
He could walk away on his own or he could be made a fool of in front of Hinata.
“Look dude, either walk the fuck away or take a fucking swing. I really don’t give a shit which, pick one and hurry the fuck up. I got twenty-three minutes left of lunch break and I’m not gonna waste the rest of it having a fuckin staring contest with you,” Naruto deadpanned, “You wanna fight then let’s go, otherwise, fuck off.”
Sandy hair’s jaw flexed, but the blonde already knew where this was going. He could smell bluster a mile away. Wasn’t hard to separate people that talked big and backed it up from those that just talked.
Sandy was the later.
Naruto had long since dismissed the guy the moment the tension left the baseball player’s bristling form. He barely heard the, “Fuck you, Uzumaki,” from the retreating teen as he turned his attention to the quietly distressed female still pressed against the lockers.
“You okay?”
She nodded.
“T-Thank you…U-Uzumaki-san…” she whispered.
“Naruto,” he corrected casually, “your stomach feeling better?”
She ducked her head a bit, pretty pink touching her cheeks but she nodded.
“Where were you headed?”
“O-outside to the t-track…”
“Come on, I’ll take you over there just in case another asshole rolls up on the scene.”
She thanked him a second time and settled at his side, keeping her distance though remaining in hearing range. As they walked, he couldn’t help asking the question that had popped into his head the moment he’d seen her terrified face.
A question that dug beneath his skin and was bugging the shit outta him.
“Hey? He do something to you?” he questioned, “If he did I’ll turn around and knock his ass out.”
He couldn’t stand a fucking bully, especially one that bullied girls. That was lower than low. Looking shocked and adorably rattled, she shook her head a little frantically.
“Then what happened?” he asked, “you look traumatized, dattebayo.”
She was quiet for a long time, her face seeming sadder than the situation warranted. He frowned, another question on his lips when she finally spoke.
“I’m just…r-really s-shy…” she murmured, staring down at the ground as though the admission was a shameful sin, “t-too much attention m-makes me…n-nervous…”
Fuck.
He hadn’t thought about that.
That explained lunch today.
Sure he knew she was really uncomfortable socializing with people.
He would have to be complete idiot not to notice her shyness. Hinata Hyuuga was all blushes and nervous energy, like a stray kitten ready to bolt at the first loud sound. Even when it was just the two of them on the roof, she clammed up and tended to fold herself into an even smaller ball of cute when he got too close to her.
So in retrospect, it was really stupid of him to invite her to sit with him out in the ‘open’ of the cafeteria in a more ‘in your face’ scheme to rile up his ex. Hinata’s shyness hadn’t really factored. His half cocked plan to rub his ‘lunch date’ with Hinata in her face had been louder, more insistent than any other loose thought.
The only eyes he’d wanted on them were jealous green.
Mission accomplished, he saw her looking, making faces and pretending not to be bothered, but hadn’t factored in hers wouldn’t be the only curious gazes.
“Shit. Guess that’s why you left lunch early, huh?” he speculated, replaying her abrupt exit with new understanding, “sorry about that. I shouldn’t have flagged you down at a table that far out in the open.”
“T-that’s okay…I-I…have to get u-use to being…around p-people.”
His brows crinkled. She said that like she was some kinda feral animal that had never encountered another human before. He opened his mouth to ask her what in the world that meant, only to see a certain somebody sneaking out the doors of the gymnasium.
Well, well, well.
“Oi, Tenten, what’s up?!” he shouted, unknowingly startling the shy woman at his side.
Doing her best impression of a deer caught in the headlight of sixteen wheeler, Tenten stood frozen and wide eyed, looking like she was seconds from being mowed over into the afterlife. Her lips were shiny and swollen, a small pink bruise was forming on the smooth expanse of her neck. Naruto was no stranger to hickeys and the greasy sheen of smeared lip gloss.
Tenten hadn’t been in there working on her dribble game, that was certain.
In fact, she was probably sneaking back on campus. Naruto and his friends had been taking the ‘senior sneak-out’ route since they were sophomores. There was a popular corner store not far from the school that sold a bunch of junk food at a steep student discount. It was a frequented eatery for seniors sneaking off to eat lunch off school grounds. Wasn’t like the faculty didn’t know students were doing it, they just kinda treated it like an open secret.
“Gonna go on a limb and say that’s not chicken grease all over your mouth,” Naruto speculated aloud, his vulpine features arranged in sly, highly amused, accusation, “who you been suckin’ face with, huh?”
The double-buned teen wiped her glistening lips, adjusted her uniform top to cover that tell-tale bruise forming on her neck, and did something Naruto had never seen her do before.
Tenten was a bit of a tomboy, an attractive one to be sure with her pretty brown eyes, creamy skin and petite features, but she was no girly girl, but right now, Tenten Tanaka was blushing. And not some light pink dusting either, full on burning cherry, Hinata Hyuuga tomato red.
Confirmation she indeed had not been chowing down on something greasy in the gym.
“What’s his,” he raised a brow, “or her name, eh?”
This was an open question mark among their group, a hot topic Tenten ducked and dodged like a pro football player.
What side did Tenten play for?
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” the lying girl insisted, shifting her brown eyes between him and the girl at his side, “but since we’re suddenly being all nosy, who’s your friend?”
Naruto gave her a look, sharing a silent conversation at the emphasis on ‘friend’.
She knew who Hinata was.
She wanted him to clarify their relationship then run back to tattle to Sakura.
Amused and wanting to keep her guessing, Naruto leaned closer to his pretty, hunched-shoulder companion, placing a casual hand to her arm. She startled beneath his palm, tensing up like he was hurting her, it threw him off a sec, but considering how nervous she always seemed to be, and the situation he’d just helped her out of, her reaction kind of made sense. He’d never touched her before aside from giving her a hand up the first time they studied on the roof, since then, not even a single accidental brush. Hinata kept herself to herself in a way Naruto had never seen someone do.
Even though she talked to him and allowed him on the edge of her personal space, more than she allowed anyone else, sometimes he felt just like the rest of his classmates curious about the pretty transfer student that kept everyone at arms length.
When they studied together, he got the feeling he was only seeing a tiny fraction of Hinata Hyuuga.
He found it kinda…interesting.
Like he was sniffing out a big secret he wasn’t supposed to know about.
He moved his hand though, stuffing it in his pocket and turning his attention to Tenten, “Hinata Hyuuga, she’s my calc tutor, ya know.”
“Your tutor,” she repeated, popping a hip and crossing her arms across her chest, a move so reminiscent of his ex-girlfriend Naruto struggled not to roll his eyes at it, “surprised you didn’t ask Shikamaru for help.”
“You ever try to get him to teach you anything? Shikamaru’s lazy as hell,” Naruto countered, rebuffing her attempt to poke holes in his cover story, “he falls asleep soon as we open a book. You know he is.”
It was the truth at least, it really was the biggest freaking headache trying to get Shikamaru to stay awake, let alone teach him any damn thing.
She looked between him and the dark haired woman then back again.
“Mmmhmm, right,” she snorted, “I’ll leave you two to study then.”
They watched silently as Tenten rounded them and headed in the direction of the cafeteria, Naruto rolling his eyes skyward, Hinata gazing at the shiny tiled floor, her face puzzled.
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During this site's downtime review sent to my email were showing as empty, so I wasn't able to read them and there's no way to retrieve them. I know it's a hassle but for those that left a review, can you please re-send them?
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Sessakag~
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