Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

The Thin Line Between Love and Hate - COMPLETE	By : kizukatana Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2092 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Kishimoto does. I make no money from anything I write on this site.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
-xXx-
The next morning, Sasuke knocked on Naruto's door. He had told his assistant to cancel all his meetings for the day. Right now, nothing was more important than this. He wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. Two years ago he had been too afraid of the truth to talk to Naruto directly when it happened. This time, he would not give up without having everything fully out in the open. If it didn't work out, it didn't work out, but it was not going to be because he was too afraid to even try.
He knocked again. No one answered. "Naruto - we need to talk. If you're in there, open the damn door. I'm not going away until you do."
Silence. Sasuke looked up and down the hall, but no one was out. He turned the knob, and was surprised to find the door open. "Naruto, we need to talk." He repeated, and walked in to the entryway. There was no sound; no sign of anyone home at all. He noticed the broken chair against the wall and winced. He drew a breath and walked through the apartment, a little concerned that Naruto appeared not to be home, but had left the place open. "Usuratonkachi - you should be more careful."
Naruto had never been one to make his bed, so he couldn't tell from that if Naruto had spent the night here or not, but the shower was dry, and Naruto always showered when he woke up. Evidently, he had left sometime after their fight last night. Sasuke's gut clenched as he thought about where Naruto might have gone. He hoped like hell it wasn't to Yahiko. Sasuke locked Naruto's door and pulled it closed behind him.
. . .
Sasuke had looked everywhere. He had swung by the office, and asked Kiba and Shikamaru if they had seen Naruto. Their shocked expressions had indicated that they didn't even know he was back in town. Next he had tried the Onyx, but that didn't open until later in the evening. Finally he had gone to the art gallery. Naruto wasn't there, but Yahiko was. He saw Sasuke walk in, and his eyes immediately narrowed in recognition. Not friendly recognition.
Yahiko waited silently for Sasuke to walk over to him, making no move to rise or greet him. "Can I help you?" His tone made it clear he would rather help Sasuke back out the door.
"I need to find Naruto."
"Why?" Yahiko asked, completely ignoring the icy glare that Sasuke leveled at him.
"There are things he and I need to talk about," Sasuke said stiffly. He hated this. Hated having to ask someone else where Naruto was. As though anyone could ever know Naruto better than he did. He felt a dark emotion bubble in him as he looked at the pierced man in front of him.
"It's funny that you decide you need to 'talk things out' with him now, after all this time. Right when he's finally moving on."
"I don't need to explain myself to you."
"I guess that's true. I'm not Naruto's keeper. But I am his friend. And that bruise on your jaw tells me he doesn't want to talk with you."
Sasuke shrugged. "You don't know what happened." There was a question he needed to ask this man, but he was unsure he was gong to like the answer. "What are you to him?"
"I'm his friend," Yahiko said flatly.
"Friend?" Sasuke asked, sneering the word.
"Well, since you clearly already seem to know, I suppose it is no secret. We've known each other less than two months, but... after last weekend I guess you could say we're more than just friends. Not that it is any of your business any longer. Naruto doesn't talk about it, but I saw the news from two years ago. I know exactly what you did..." Yahiko smiled sadistically at Sasuke. "... and I can guess why you are trying so hard to 'talk' to him now. You must have found out by your own experience what an incredible lover he is, compared to the rest, right? I've been around, but fuck, sex with Naruto is amazing. I mean... talk about stamina. We went all weekend."
Sasuke clenched his fists, "Don't talk about Naruto like he's your plaything."
"What, you don't like hearing about the sexual exploits of your ex? Funny. You made fucking sure he got to hear all about yours."
Sasuke didn't drop his eyes. "And that's between Naruto and me. I'll accept his judgment. But you are just a bystander. I've been a part of Naruto's life since the beginning. You're just a bit part in this play. Don't over estimate your role."
"Don't over estimate yours," Yahiko shot back, totally unintimidated. "Maybe your scene is over. Don't be surprised if you go to him and he tells you the curtain has already fallen on the two of you. Be fully prepared for him to tell you to stay the fuck out of his life."
Sasuke's gut twisted. Would Naruto say that? Would it really be too late? It might be... and honestly he couldn't blame Naruto if it were. But he wasn't going to give the bastard in front of him the satisfaction of seeing his turmoil, so he kept his face carefully schooled.
"You'd better brace yourself, Sasuke. Naruto is a lot stronger now. He doesn't need you. So if you want him back, you're going to have to earn it. And honestly I don't know if you can," Yahiko wrote something down on a piece of paper and handed it to Sasuke. "But for Naruto's sake, so he can get closure, I'll tell you where to find him."
Sasuke glanced at the paper. It was an address. "It's the address of his studio. He goes there when he needs to paint. He'll be there now," Yahiko said evenly.
Sasuke nodded. He didn't really know what to say. He didn't like this man. But Yahiko had given him the address, and he hadn't needed to. In fact, it wasn't in Yahiko's own interests to do so. "Thanks."
"Don't thank me. I don't wish you luck. But I am Naruto's friend. And he wouldn't appreciate me getting in the way of his business. He's strong enough to make the call on his own." Yahiko smiled a little sadly. "Besides, Naruto was clear when we started our relationship what the boundaries were. He could never have a serious relationship with me if I also stayed with Konan. Konan and I go way back. She was there for me when no one else was, and I love her. I will never leave her. So that means Naruto and I will only really ever be just friends, even if we briefly are something more. He's not the kind of person that will accept this kind of relationship for very long. I respect that, even if I wish maybe it could have been different. We will never be more than we are right now. But he deserves someone who knows him and values him. And that clearly wasn't you. But since you have decided to crash back into his life, he needs to resolve his feelings about you before he can really move on. With someone who actually deserves him."
"You weren't there, Yahiko. You are only a recent addition to Naruto's life. Don't over-estimate your understanding of who he is or what he needs. But thanks for the address." Yahiko just looked at Sasuke, expressionless, and Sasuke turned and walked out of the gallery.
-xXx-
Naruto contemplated the canvass from the couch where he had been laying. As usual, he had pulled off his shirt while painting the night before. He was messy with his art, and didn't want to have to keep replacing his shirts he ruined every time he painted. So he had gone to sleep in his sweat pants, but nothing else. He looked at the bottle of Jack Daniels and shot glass on the floor next to him that he had brought out the night before. The bottle was still three quarters full.
Painting always helped him get out what he was feeling, and last night had been no exception. The piece looked violent, with slashes of color ripped across the canvass, and a splash where Naruto had flung a shot of Jack.
Naruto had done a lot of thinking. He had thought until his brain hurt. But still hadn't figured anything out. Based on what Sasuke had shown him last night, it appeared that Sasuke hadn't thrown him away for nothing. It hadn't been the selfish, cold-blooded act that Sasuke had made it out to be at the time. That had changed so many things about how Naruto felt about what had happened. How he felt about Sasuke. It meant that Sasuke actually hadn't been the heartless person that Naruto had been so destroyed by. Sasuke had hurt him, but he had done it because he himself was hurting, not because he was just a soulless fuck. So much of what had helped Naruto move on from Sasuke over the past two years had hinged on the fact that what Sasuke had done was unforgivable, that Naruto would never want him back even if Sasuke for some unknown reason changed his mind. But this changed that, and Naruto didn't know how to handle it. People make mistakes when they are hurting. It is human. It is... potentially forgivable.
But that didn't change the fact that Sasuke had utterly destroyed Naruto. The humiliation and vulnerability that Naruto felt when he looked back at what he had become after Sasuke had ended things was real. Naruto thought back at how utterly pathetic he had been after the split, and felt true revulsion for himself. He never wanted to be that person again. And he wouldn't. He had rebuilt himself and was able to find peace and purpose on his own, not merely as an appendage to Sasuke's life.
So where did that leave them? No fucking clue. But he needed to talk to Sasuke. No matter what had happened, Sasuke deserved to know the truth. He clearly still didn't know the whole of everything that had happened the night of those photos, and he had a right to. Last night Naruto had just been unable to process anything. The idea that this had all been some horrific misunderstanding had sent him reeling. He couldn't help the bitterness that he felt knowing that this whole disaster didn't need to have happened. That the pain he had gone through could potentially have been avoided. If only Sasuke had talked to him. If only I hadn't run away, maybe I could have made him.
But he had been in no condition to stand and fight Sasuke. Despite skipping out on the diagnosis, he knew he had had a serious mental breakdown. Probably some fancy words for depression could have been tagged on as well. He might wish he had been stronger at the time, but he knew he had barely survived as it was, and couldn't have done more. He had tried, and fought as much as he could. He would have to make his peace with that, just as Sasuke would for his own mistakes. They were both only human, and their feet of clay had tripped them both. But where that left them, he had no idea.
He thought about calling him, but knew Sasuke would be at work. This wasn't the kind of conversation to be had on the phone in an office. Should he go over to Sasuke's house? He didn't know where he lived, but Itachi would probably tell him.
He heard a knock at the door. It wasn't Yahiko's knock. He pulled his T-shirt on and walked over to the door, already knowing who it was likely to be.
Naruto opened the door, not surprised to meet onyx eyes looking back at him. Their gazes held for a moment, neither man speaking. Then Naruto breathed a small laugh and stepped back, allowing the other to enter. "Yahiko, you fucking Judas," Naruto mumbled, knowing who must have given Sasuke this address. But there was no heat behind the words and Sasuke smiled slightly at their sound.
Sasuke was carrying two paper cups, and offered one to Naruto. "Milk and sugar with a little coffee."
"Thanks," Naruto accepted it with a somewhat awkward smile. He looked at the cup that Sasuke was holding, knowing it would be green tea with nothing added. The familiar gesture seemed oddly intimate and comforting. How many times had they brought each other coffee or tea in the past? It made Naruto's heart twist just a little. So much wasted time and needless pain. Naruto thought about what Sasuke must be feeling, coming to him with what he knew, and what had happened. He searched the man's face, wincing as he saw the purpling bruise along the pale jawline.
"Um... sorry. About last night. I just... lost it." Naruto brushed a finger and gently along the bruise. Something flashed in Sasuke's eyes, but was gone before Naruto could read it.
Sasuke shrugged, pulling back slightly and rubbing his jaw. "It wasn't unexpected. Or undeserved. But I have to say, you punch a hell of a lot harder than you did when we were kids."
The guilt didn't leave Naruto's face. "Yeah. I took up kung fu when I was in Andalusia. Sifu Shima would kick my ass if he knew I'd hit someone for anything other than self defense." They were standing close.
"Is he the guy in the dojo painting in your apartment?" Sasuke asked.
"Yeah... he's really amazing. He is like half my size but could totally kick my ass around the block and back," Naruto grinned, rubbing the back of his head. The expression and gesture were so familiar to Sasuke that he felt his throat tighten.
"You left your apartment unlocked. I went looking for you, and found it open. I locked it when I left, though."
"Yeah, thanks. I was kind of a mess when I left last night and came here. I guess I must have forgotten."
"Hn."
Neither man really knew what to say. Naruto took a sip of his coffee. "Um... why don't you come and sit down. There's not much for furniture here, but..."
"Thanks," Sasuke went and sat on the couch. Naruto sat at the other end, facing him, but not in touching distance. They just looked at each other for a while.
The awkward silence began to stretch
"Fuck this," Naruto said, taking a big drink of his coffee, then opening the lid and pouring some whiskey into it. He didn't care that it was only about 2 in the afternoon. He offered the bottle to Sasuke, who declined to pour it into his tea but instead just took a drink from the bottle. Naruto drank from his spiked coffee, and made a face at the taste. Suddenly remembering what Itachi had said about Sasuke's drinking problem, Naruto looked guiltily at his friend.
"Sorry... I forgot. Is it ok for you to be drinking?"
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I wasn't an alcoholic. I stopped drinking a month ago with no problem." Naruto looked at him, knowing there was more to be said on this but also knowing that this topic was not really the place to start. They would get to all the shit they had gone through soon enough. But first they needed to talk about what had set the whole thing in motion in the first place. Naruto took another drink. Never one to hesitate, Naruto blew out a breath, and dove right in.
"So... it's funny in a way. The photos that Sakura sent," Naruto was scratching the back of his head, aware that Sasuke had gone completely still, waiting. "I guess, looking at just these frames, it looks pretty bad. But it was about as far from a threesome as you could possibly get. That night, the night you left for the meetings in Okinawa?"
Sasuke nodded, but didn't say anything. He took a drink, eyes locked on Naruto.
"Right, so you and I had promised to attend the benefit for the new children's wing at the hospital. But since the Okinawa meeting had cropped up, I had to go by myself," Naruto had always hated these black tie events. They had argued about it before, Naruto asking why they couldn't just write a fucking check and put it in the mail. But Sasuke had explained that it was important to be there to show support in person, and build relationships. So Naruto had agreed to go. "Well, we had gone through half of the speeches and they were serving the dinner. And there were all kinds of foods there, including some chicken sashimi that no one wanted to eat. But I figured, with all the money being spent on this, it should be fine, right? So, I had some. But most people passed... it was really gross looking. I mean, who eats raw chicken? The event was $200 a plate, and they couldn't even cook the fucking chicken?"
Sasuke would have laughed under other circumstances, but he was waiting for Naruto to get to the important part, about how he had gone from dining at a benefit to being naked in bed with two women. Naruto rolled his shoulders, feeling the weight of the other man's look, and knowing that he need to be very clear on exactly what had happened. And what hadn't. Naruto decided his coffee wasn't strong enough for this conversation, and grabbed the bottle, looking at it a moment, then took a drink.
"Anyway, a little bit after eating dinner, I started to not feel so great. Hinata was sitting next to me," Sasuke's eyes narrowed sharply at that. He had never liked Hinata. She had followed Naruto around since they were children. Sasuke grabbed the bottle back and took a drink. "So I told her that I was going to go home early. I had already given the check to hospital, and you know how I hate wearing a stupid tux, so I was pretty glad to escape. I drove home, and was feeling worse by the time I got there, so I laid down on the couch. I heard my phone ring, but I was feeling so sick I didn't want to move. About 20 minutes later, the doorbell rang. I almost didn't answer it, because I was feeling like crap, but then there was a knocking at the door and Sakura's voice saying that they had just taken five people to the hospital with food poisoning from the benefit and did I eat the chicken sashimi. Hinata had told Sakura that I had left early and was feeling sick, and they had tried to call but were nervous when I didn't answer. They knew you were out of town, so they came over to check on me."
"And... so I got up, and opened the door and..." Naruto blushed and laughed a little. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, and he was just about to take another drink when Naruto continued. "... and I projectile vomited all over the both of them."
Naruto looked directly at Sasuke with a sheepish, lopsided grin. "I mean like full-on Exorcist style vomiting. It was... god awful. And poor Hinata was the closest, so it was just...god, in her hair, and all over her dress. Sakura was standing to the side so she just got, um.. splattered?"
Sasuke just looked at him, bottle paused almost to his lips, taking in how the vision he had had in his mind of a torrid affair had suddenly vanished into a scene of projectile vomit. "So the reason they were naked was..."
"Yeah, because I puked all over them. Ruined both their expensive dresses. Not exactly foreplay. It was fucking disgusting. And embarrassing. I don't think I'd ever had the stomach flu before in my entire life, at least not that I remember. I mean, I almost never get sick, you know? But I was in total agony. It felt like my body was trying to eject my stomach. Hinata went to wash up... she would have had to take a shower to clean her hair off. Sakura helped me to the guest bathroom, since it was closer, where I was basically just kneeling in front of the toilet puking my guts out. She went and cleaned up the mess in the entryway. I guess that must have been when she got the idea to do this and set up her camera. I told her to find some T-shirts and sweats for her and Hinata to use, and she said she was going to call the hospital and get an ambulance for me. I had a fever of like 104 by that point, and just basically wanted to die. My shirt was a mess. At least I had taken off the jacket and tie as soon as I had left the building, so they were fine but... ugh. She said it was better for me to get off the cold bathroom floor and lay down in the bed until the paramedics got to me because of the fever. She helped me get my shirt off since it was disgusting, and threw her dress directly into the trash. I told her where some clean clothes were that she could borrow so she wouldn't be half naked when the ambulance showed up. I was so dizzy from the fever and puking that she had to help me to the bed. Hinata was just coming out of the shower and Sakura called her over to help, asking her to bring the garbage can because I still felt like I was going to lose it again, despite not much being left in my stomach. They guided me to the bed and I just basically continued to puke in the bucket until the paramedics got there. The first picture was just the two of them helping me into bed. If you look closely, you can actually see the rim of the garbage can next to me on the floor. My whole body was just shaking, and I was trying really hard not to throw up on them a second time. Although, I have to say, after reading Sakura's note I really wish I had just spewed all over her."
Sasuke barked out a short laugh. God, this was not at all how he had imagined this story playing out. Naruto grabbed the bottle, just swirling the liquid for a moment, then taking a small drink. "Anyway, my stomach was cramping up a lot. Sakura said something about checking to be sure I didn't have appendicitis. Honestly that didn't make any sense to me at the time, given that we knew I had just eaten something that had give at least five other people food poisoning, but I had been puking my guts out and she was a doctor and Hinata and I just didn't really think about it. She climbed up on the bed, saying she didn't want to be too close to the bucket, and put her ear to my stomach for a few seconds supposedly to see if she could hear anything strange from the appendix, then proclaimed my appendix fine and she and Hinata went and changed clothes. That must have been the footage that she pulled the second photo from, just before she turned her head to put her ear to my stomach. I'm sure she did that on purpose, knowing it would really look like she was giving me head in that frame, but I had my pants on, and... fuck. I was on the bed with them in the room for a total of less than two minutes. Sakura must have gone through the footage frame by frame to find something to use that looked questionable. And I never considered this event as a possible reason for you leaving, because it was about as far from sex as you could get. The whole room smelled like vomit, I was in agony, and we were just waiting for the ambulance. God, Hinata is going to die of embarrassment when she see's these photos. You know what a prude she is."
Sasuke felt his whole world shifting as the reality of what had actually happened soaked in. And the enormity of the mistake he had made was like a gaping whole waiting to swallow him up. He took a long drink, willing there to be some way to fix this.
Naruto blew out a breath. "The paramedics came and I spent the next two days in the hospital. I'm sure they still have records of the call and the two days I spent the hospital, if you need to check." Sasuke flinched at the words. Naruto's tone had hardened a bit, the bitterness seeping through.
"I told Sakura to call you and let you know that I was in the hospital. I was still puking and hooked up to IV and didn't want to try a phone. Plus I figured that since she was a doctor, and you always worry so much, she'd be able to answer all your questions. I was a little annoyed that you didn't call me or come back early, but I'm guessing she never called you in the first place." Sasuke could hear the hurt in Naruto's voice and he bled from it, regret almost overwhelming him.
"No. I never heard anything until the message you left the next morning telling me that you were feeling better and not to worry. But by then, I had already received the package from Sakura, so... I never called you back." There was real regret in Sasuke's voice. Naruto almost never got sick, and the one time he had been seriously ill, Sasuke hadn't been there for him. Naruto felt a flash of anger, even knowing that his friend had suffered, too.
"Why didn't you call me, Sasuke? Why didn't you talk to me about this? Confront me with it?"
Sasuke looked at Naruto, pain and regret etched across his face. "Do you think I haven't asked myself that question a million fucking times? God, what I wouldn't give to go back and undo that one thing. Just that one little decision." His gaze faltered then, and he looked down.
"But I just... I just didn't know what to do. Anything else. God, I could lose anything else. But you were all I had left that mattered. My parents were dead, Itachi was in a coma. There was no one else that I trusted, no one who really knew me, besides you. And the thought of you cheating, the thought of me not being enough for you anymore, I just... it... I couldn't face it. I didn't know how to handle it." Sasuke took the bottle and took a long drink, and drew a shuddering breath. "I thought, if I took these pictures to you, and it was some kind of trick, you'd be furious at me for doubting you. And if it were real, would I let you talk me into thinking it was a trick just because that was what I so desperately wanted to believe? So I thought I would look into it first. There was a film guy in Okinawa that I happened to know who had done work for Itachi authenticating some photos a while back. I called him and had him look at the pictures to see if this was just someone doing some good cut and paste with kinky pictures. While he was analyzing them, I went to each of the hotels there and talked to anyone who was still on the staff who remembered you and Hinata and Sakura. They confirmed that you had been there. With them."
Sasuke paused here, a question clearly implied.
Naruto sighed, and reached for the bottle. "I should have told you about Hinata and Sakura." Sasuke felt his stomach clench. What did Naruto mean by that?
"Hinata had... liked me... for a really long time. Ever since we were kids. You know that, of course. It's why you won't even talk to her." Sasuke's eyes locked on Naruto, watching as the blond took a drink. "But I never saw her that way. She was so sweet, and so nice, and I don't know why but..." Naruto laughed a little self-consciously. "All I ever saw was you. There was never a chance for anyone else. With us, there's this challenge. This friction. It just... she's the polar opposite of you. I could never see her as anything more than a friend."
Sasuke knew that what Naruto said was true. Even when they were little, Naruto and Sasuke had fixated on each other. The usually stoic Uchiha flaring up and getting into verbal and physical fights with the Uzumaki boy. And the normally friendly blond was hostile and provocative to the pale black-haired boy. It had begun literally they day they had met in grade school, an instant chemical reaction. And as they had matured, that chemistry had only grown. Two alpha males, constantly butting against each other, that friction the foundation of a heat between them that only grew into an inferno when they had reached puberty. Sasuke thought about this, and thought about Hinata. And realized that the poor girl never had a chance. She was not Naruto's type. He blew out a small snort of laughter at his own blind insecurity. But one of the ties that had bound them together had always been that they were each other's first friends. Naruto had been a grubby orphan, loud and unmannered, and Sasuke had been withdrawn and 'stuck up'. And somehow, they had formed a bond with each other, forcing their way inside each others' walls.
But in truth, Hinata had been the first to truly see Naruto's value. She had loved Naruto from the very beginning. While Sasuke was still focused on the rivalry, not aware yet of his deeper feelings, Hinata had always seen the value in Naruto. And Sasuke had always feared that one day Naruto would wake up and realize that Hinata had actually been his first friend, but she had been too shy to express it. Naruto had been oblivious and hadn't realized it until years later. But Sasuke had always felt threatened by Hinata, much more so than Sakura, whom Naruto had had a crush on briefly in middle school. Sakura had always been cruel to Naruto when they were growing up. And Sasuke had known that, deep down, Naruto could never really love someone as selfish as Sakura. He had chalked up Naruto's brief fascination with her to their rivalry. Sakura had wanted Sasuke. So Naruto had wanted Sakura to notice him as well, as a sign that he was Sasuke's equal in all things. He had never viewed her as a real threat.
"I was on that business trip to Tokyo to talk with the new prospective advertising agency that we had been thinking of hiring. I had gone down to dinner at the hotel after the meeting, and was surprised to see Hinata there. She acted surprised to see me, but I could tell something was off. I asked her to join me for dinner, and we talked for a while. She asked about you, about our marriage and how things were going. I told here they were great. She looked down, and I realized she had been hoping for a different answer. I told her that I knew she was uncomfortable around you, but that we could still be friends. I told her I'd invite her over to our house for dinner sometime," Sasuke narrowed his eyes at that. He still didn't like her. Naruto saw the expression and just rolled his eyes. "I asked her what she was doing here, and she said she was meeting a friend in town. I didn't push it further, and it had been a long day so I just went to bed. Alone." Naruto looked pointedly at Sasuke, who just nodded.
"I didn't tell you about it because I knew you didn't like her and wouldn't give a flying fuck if Hinata were meeting a friend in Tokyo. At that point, I thought that was all it was. I invited her over to dinner, but she didn't come," Sasuke remembered that. He had been annoyed that Naruto had invited her, then relieved that she hadn't come. Naruto sighed, looking uncomfortable.
"But then two weeks later when I was in Tokyo again to finalize the contract with the agency, she was there. And even I realized that this couldn't be a coincidence. She admitted it, admitted that she knew you didn't like her and she didn't want to cause problems between us, but she just had missed talking to me and thought since she knew I would be here, she would be able to talk to me without being a bother. Those were her words."
"So what happened then?"
"I told her that I didn't mind if you got a little pissy when she came to our house for dinner. I told her you had friends that I don't like much, and you make me entertain them, and that I valued her as a friend. But I told her that it was not right for her to try to meet with me secretly, and it could not happen again. She was embarrassed, of course, and that was the end of it. She never tried to meet with me again when you weren't around. She never tried to kiss me, or anything like that in either of these meetings. She just really seemed to want to talk."
Sasuke didn't comment on Naruto's incredible naïveté. "And Sakura?"
Naruto sighed, scrubbing his hands across his face. His head was feeling a little light from the alcohol. Sasuke seemed unaffected, but then again he had a hell of a lot more practice holding his liquor. "Sakura was different. She showed up several times while I was at meetings, both in town and out of town. Mostly she was just running you down, telling me how selfish she thought you were, about all the women who were still throwing themselves at you and how you didn't seem to try too hard to keep them away." Sasuke rolled his eyes at that. He had tried everything short of punching them in the face to keep his fangirls away, but nothing seemed to work. Naruto smirked briefly, clearly reading Sasuke's thoughts and agreeing. "I got really annoyed at her, and told her that if she still carried all this jealousy and bitterness for you that our friendship was over. She seemed honestly shocked. I don't really know what she was trying to do. I know it says here that she was pursuing me, but honestly it felt more like she was just trying to break us up. She has always been obsessed with you. In middle school, when I thought I liked her, she was just as cruel to me as you had been to her. It's hard to imagine her actually liking me romantically." In fact, one of the main reasons Sasuke had been particularly cruel to Sakura when they were younger had been the way she treated Naruto... constantly running him down and cruelly rejecting even his overtures of friendship. Sasuke had thought she was a selfish, heartless bitch at the time. She had seemed to mature and become nicer as they had grown up, but Sasuke now decided that his first impression of her had been the correct one.
Naruto was continuing. "I should have told you, but it was just after Itachi's accident and you were so under water between handling your own emotions, dealing with the medical decisions, and trying to take over the family business and get up to speed on everything. I didn't want to add to the stress and I thought I could handle her. I was taking over most of the meetings and trips for our business to take things off your plate, so she had plenty of opportunities to find me alone. I told her there was no chance, and that she had to stop harassing me. It lasted about three weeks, then she finally got the message. I really thought it was done. I had no idea she would ever be capable of something like this. I mean, I know she never got over you, never forgave you for not loving her back and rejecting her so many times. Especially rejecting her for me, but this... God, Sasuke. I can't believe she did this."
Sasuke sat there, trying to process everything he had heard. He believed Naruto. There was no question. Yes, Naruto should have told him these things, but he understood why he hadn't. Didn't blame him. Part of him felt an incredible relief that the hellish reality of Naruto cheating on him, of not being enough to hold the one person who mattered to him, was not true. Naruto had never betrayed him. But then...
Sasuke leaned forward, his head in his hands. Memories of that last night together crashed into him. Memories of Naruto, destroyed. Crying. Broken. Because of him. And how could he take that back? How could he make that right?
"God, Naruto -" Sasuke didn't know what to say. How could there be anything to say? What kind of words could erase actions that he had meant to be as hurtful as possible?
He looked into the eyes of his friend, searching them for some clue, some cue for what he should do next. "I'm sorry. Naruto - please... tell me what I can do to make this right. I... I saw your paintings at the gallery, and god, I -"
"Stop. Don't." Naruto stood, his face closed. "I don't want to talk about that, Sasuke."
Naruto stood abruptly and walked over to the canvass he was working on, staring at it blankly. He didn't want to talk about that time. The utter pathetic waste he had been... he didn't want Sasuke to see that. He didn't want himself to see that. It had been the absolute lowest point in his life, and his weakest. He felt disgusted with the person he had been at that time.
Sasuke felt at sea... Naruto had always worn his heart on his sleeve, his emotions there for all to read. With Sasuke especially, there had been no barriers. Naruto would come to him with whatever problem he had, big or small, and pour everything out about it. And Sasuke would either roll his eyes and say something biting to snap him out of it, or would quietly listen and let Naruto purge himself of his turmoil, then offer advice. Either way, Sasuke always tried to fix whatever was bothering his friend. But this time it was Sasuke himself who was the cause of his friend's agony. And Naruto clearly did not want to talk to him about it, not that part at least. Sasuke knew why. Expected it. Understood it. Even deserved it. But God, it hurt like hell. He sat there, looking at the back of the only person he had ever loved, ever would love, desperately trying to think of what to say.
"Are you hungry?" Naruto asked abruptly. "I don't have food here, but... we could order something."
Sasuke wasn't hungry, but he didn't want to leave, and didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. He knew Naruto was as much at a loss for how to handle this as he was. But at least he wasn't asking Sasuke to leave. "Sure. Anything is fine."
"There is a decent Thai place nearby. Do you still avoid spicy?" Sasuke was shocked that Naruto hadn't suggested ramen. It seemed... wrong.
"I'll eat whatever," Sasuke said.
Naruto rolled his eyes, and called in an order. Sasuke heard him order something extra hot that he had never even heard of, and then Naruto asked for something extra mild for people with wimpy mouths.
While Naruto had been on the phone, Sasuke took the opportunity to look around the studio. It was lined with canvasses, some blank and many filled. This was where the pieces were the Naruto had not felt comfortable displaying. Many were of Sasuke... pictures of how he had looked that night. Sasuke was standing in front of one of his portraits, silent.
Naruto decided he didn't want to go over and talk to Sasuke about what the painting showed. It was all too raw for him. Instead, he went back and started working on the piece he had started the night before. As his anger had softened, he softened some of the lines around the edges of the piece, mixing in some blue in one of the corners. After a few minutes, he felt Sasuke behind him. Naruto remembered how Sasuke would sometimes come in when Naruto was painting. He would watch for a while, then suddenly Naruto would feel an arm snake around his naked torso, and Sasuke would pull him tight against him, letting him feel his arousal. More than one of Sasuke's expensive business shirts had been ruined by stains from oil paint that way. And from popped buttons and torn seams, depending on their urgency.
Naruto felt his body reacting to the memories, and he had to literally force himself not to turn to Sasuke. He felt so confused about what he was supposed to feel, what he was supposed to do. Sasuke had been his best friend and lover for almost all of his adult life. And now the reason it had all ended between them had come unraveled, seeming to open some kind of path to bringing them back together. But so much had happened, so much had changed. Who he was as a person, at his core, was different now. But his desire for this man, this one person above all else, that had not changed. He could feel the heat of Sasuke's gaze on him, and knew, without looking, that there would be desire in his eyes if he turned and met them now.
He jumped when the doorbell rang. "Shit," he mumbled. He thought he heard a soft chuckle from behind him, but didn't turn to see. He wiped his hands on a cloth and went to answer the door. The delivery man greeted him, and asked what he was working on today. Clearly Naruto was a regular of his. The man's eyes widened slightly when he noticed Sasuke, and they flicked to the wall where several portraits were resting. Evidently he recognized him from Naruto's paintings. Sasuke flinched a bit at what the man must think of him.
Naruto chatted briefly with the man, as he paid him, then closed the door.
"Dinner," Naruto said, unpacking the food on the floor in front of the couch. "Sorry... no table here. We'll have to just eat on the floor."
"I've eaten in worse places," Sasuke said conversationally, and Naruto's mind was immediately plunged into yet another memory from their past. When they had been building their house, and had finally finished construction of the exterior. Naruto and Sasuke had spent the day walking through, deciding on things like fixtures and flooring, getting a feel for the space. When the contractor had gone home, they had not wanted to leave, enjoying the feel of what would be their home for the first time. They had ordered dinner, and eaten it in the barren floor of what would become their bedroom. And thoughts of nights to come in that space had lit a fire in them, and they had christened the room that night in display of torrid passion. Both having splinters from the unfinished floor by morning, but neither caring. Naruto had to tamp down on the feelings that surged through him at the memory, remembering how different that first night in their room had been compared to their last. And how he hated it for breaking.
Naruto handed Sasuke his dish, then opened his own. Snapping the wooden chopsticks in half, he dug in. Sasuke was impressed at the fiery red color of the food Naruto was downing. He was also enjoying the flush of red that the spicy food brought to Naruto's lips, complimenting the flush to his cheeks that the whiskey had created earlier. He tried not to focus on Naruto's lips. Tried not to think about whether they would taste spicy if he licked them. He was still feeling slightly buzzed, and he knew that his judgment was probably not great right now. He tried to focus on eating his own food, and keeping his hands to himself. Things were not fixed between him and Naruto. He knew that. But they were no longer completely broken either. And he had no idea how to navigate this territory.
They ate in silence for a bit, not sure exactly what to talk about, and both nervous about putting a foot wrong and destroying the tentative mending that had been achieved so far.
"Is that as hot as it looks?" Sasuke asked, pointing with his chopsticks.
"Try it," Naruto took a small piece of bean sprout and chicken in his chopsticks and offered it to Sasuke. Sasuke froze at the intimate gesture, and Naruto flushed as he realized the old habit he had unintentionally fallen into.
"Sorry," Naruto mumbled, but as he began to retract his hand, Sasuke's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist, guiding the food to his mouth. Naruto felt his breath hitch, and saw an answering darkening in Sasuke's onyx eyes. But the intimacy of the moment was gone when Sasuke began to cough and his eyes began to water.
"Shit! How do you eat this!" He gasped, looking for something to drink. He grabbed his now cold green tea and drank it down.
Naruto was laughing. "Too hot for you Sasuke?"
Sasuke narrowed his eyes, but the corners of his mouth turned up slightly. "Dobe," he said under his breath.
At the sound of the old nickname, Naruto felt a wave of pain wash over him. He looked away, but not before Sasuke saw the emotion that seared through his eyes.
Naruto put his chopsticks in the box and closed it up, not able to eat anymore past the lump in his throat, despite only having eaten half his food. Sasuke followed suit, and they sat in silence for a while. Both wanting to talk about this, wanting to know what the other was thinking and feeling, but neither able to find the right words or sufficient courage to do so. The longing between them was a living thing, overpowered only by the uncertainty and fear that the past two years had wrought within them. What did they want to happen between them now, after so much damage, but so much love?
Naruto floundered for something to say to bring back the easy atmosphere that had been there a moment before.
"It was really good to see Itachi. I could hardly believe it when I heard that he was back running the company within a week of getting out of the hospital."
Sasuke smiled slightly. "He's Itachi. He can do anything." Naruto knew that Sasuke truly meant that. It had been in a way the hardest part of Itachi's coma for Sasuke... seeing his invincible brother taken down by a stupid drunk driver. The driver had died in the crash, leaving no outlet for Sasuke's anger and helplessness. Naruto had been the only thing that had seen him through that time. And then he had lost Naruto as well.
"Yeah," Naruto said softly. He wanted to reach out and touch Sasuke's hand, to comfort him in some way, but he didn't know if he should. Sasuke had always been a very private person, and he hated casual touches. Naruto had always ignored that and invaded Sasuke's personal space anyway. But now... he just didn't know how to act. He gave a small smile instead, hoping to convey his feelings that way. "It must have been hard on you. The past two years. But I'm glad you have Itachi back now."
Sasuke looked at Naruto, trying to read his face. Was he saying that they wouldn't be together, that he was glad Itachi was there because Naruto wouldn't be?
"I missed you," Sasuke said quietly. "Even when I thought... that you had cheated. I still missed you."
"Sasuke..." Naruto faced Sasuke fully, understanding what that admission of weakness must have cost Sasuke. Wanting to show him that there was no need to doubt what they had had together. "There was no one else ever in our marriage, or even before. I loved you so much... I didn't even have room for myself. There was only ever you..."
Unable to stop himself, Sasuke reached a hand out, wrapping his pale fingers around the back of Naruto's neck and drawing his face down. A look of something almost like fear flashed across Naruto's eyes, and Sasuke hesitated. But Naruto closed the gap, brushing his lips gently across Sasuke's. They breathed into each other, their uncertainty blending with the simple need to touch again after so long apart, the torn edges seeking to find the missing pieces and be made whole again.
The tentative nature of the kiss shifted almost immediately, as their bodies recognized the familiar taste and texture that had been absent for too long. Sasuke pushed the food trays out of the way and pressed Naruto down to the floor, his fingers fisting in the blond hair as their mouths fused together. Their bodies slid together, and the sudden contact caused them both to gasp. It was a heat that they only found in each other... no one else stirred this in them. After two years, the intensity of it slammed through them both unexpectedly.
Their hands fisted into each other's hair, and their tongues searched the familiar caverns of each other's mouths. Neither had the ability to think through what they were doing. They were just reacting, caught in the familiar vortex that each created for the other whenever they were near.
Naruto groaned and Sasuke arched up, shuddering, his brain focused only where he could feel the hardness of their cocks rubbing against each other through the fabric of their jeans. A half thought flashed across Sasuke's mind, and before he could even process it his hands were in motion, sliding under Naruto's shirt, almost ripping it off him. Panting for breath, he looking at the tattoo that swirled around his lover's abdomen. He felt his cock twitch at the sight of it, and before he even knew what he was going to do he was licking and sucking, following the lines of the pattern around the hard muscles it was etched across.
Naruto sat up, breathing hard but pulling away. Sasuke almost fell over as he tried to follow him. "Wait." Naruto's voice sounded confused and shaky.
"What?" Sasuke asked, breathlessly.
"Wait... we... wait," Naruto said, panting and slowly shaking his head as if to clear it.
Sasuke tried to get his mind to clear with too much blood focused in other parts of his body, realizing with a sinking feeling that he had made another mistake, pushing this too fast. His hands shook with the effort to stop himself from reaching out to touch his lover, to make Naruto his again on that most basic level.
"Naruto?" Sasuke looked at him, his eyes dark with passion, fighting for restraint.
"We can't... I just... protection."
Sasuke just blinked. "What?"
"Protection. Do you have a condom on you? I don't have any... I've never... brought anyone here, or anything. I don't..." Naruto trailed off.
"No, but we never used them before so..." Sasuke looked questioningly at Naruto, then felt his face flush as he realized the implications of what Naruto was saying. "What the fuck, Naruto?"
"Look, Sasuke, a lot has changed since then. You... have been with a lot of people. We can't... we can't have unprotected sex."
"What?" Sasuke said again, annoyed that he kept repeating himself, trying to get his brain back to functioning. He felt a stab of hurt at Naruto's words. He understood them, on a rational level. But emotionally, he felt rejected, and knew that in fact he had been.
"This was... a bad idea. Sasuke, we're not ready for this yet."
Sasuke felt his temper flash as he automatically reacted to cover the sting of Naruto's rejection. "I get it. This is about getting even with me." Sasuke heard the bitterness escaping, but wasn't able to stop it.
"Even? Getting even? Sasuke, this isn't a game where we're keeping score. If it were, I'd clearly be losing. I mean, I've only slept with one other person besides you in my entire life. How about you, huh? If you want me to make us even why don't you tell me how many people you fucked after you threw me out and I'll go catch up."
Sasuke couldn't help the growl that escaped. It was an empty threat, and Sasuke knew it... Naruto would never use people like that. But the words still ate into him like acid, and he couldn't hold back his visceral response. "Don't you fucking dare."
Naruto narrowed his eyes, the anger of all the hurt bubbling back up, even though he tried to fight it down. "You don't get to call the shots anymore, Sasuke. We're not married anymore, remember? Just like you wanted. You don't get to come in here now and dictate what's going to happen."
Sasuke knew he needed to get himself under control. If he ever wanted to rebuild what he had with Naruto, he had to stop this spiral right now. He took a deep breath. "You're right, in part. I don't have the right anymore to tell you what to do."
Naruto blinked in surprise of this unexpectedly rapid capitulation from Sasuke. Generally, their pattern would be to escalate to the breaking point. But Sasuke was fighting this, and Naruto realized it was because he really was sorry. Sasuke wanted to re-tie the bonds, not incinerate them. And Naruto realized that he did, too, though the thought of doing so scared the shit out of him. He had no idea if he could stay a separate person if he was back in Sasuke's life. Sasuke was just so... overwhelming. So larger than life. And Naruto had always been consumed by his obsession with him. An obsession that hadn't faded over the past two years. Could he risk it? Could he risk disappearing again into the life of his lover? Was he now strong enough to hold his own as an equal in a relationship with Sasuke... maintaining his own identity? He honestly didn't know. But looking at the open and vulnerable face of the man in front of him, he knew he didn't have a choice. He had never been able to refuse Sasuke anything. Who was he kidding to think he could start now.
Naruto blew out a breath. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to lash out at you. I just... am still processing everything I guess. I'm not trying to jerk you around. I am just a little overwhelmed right now, I guess."
Sasuke nodded. He knew that Naruto was still angry about Sasuke's post break-up activities. It had been more than a year since Sasuke had slept with anyone, but it didn't erase what had happened, and he knew that Naruto would take time to work through it. At least he hoped they could work through it.
He wondered how to ask about Yahiko, and whether Naruto would continue to see the man. Did he have a right to ask? Could he bear not to? "So... where are we?"
"I don't know," Naruto looked torn, and unhappy. Sasuke wished he knew the perfect thing to say to erase all the doubts and hurts, but he knew there wasn't anything.
"I should go. I think we both need time to think through everything," Sasuke got up, picking up their dinner and looking for a place to put it. Naruto took it, and set it on the couch, then walked Sasuke towards to the door.
They stood there, not sure if they should kiss goodbye, shake hands, or just... say 'see you later'.
"I'll call Kiba tomorrow morning, and come by. Maybe... I could meet you for lunch?" Naruto seemed nervous.
"Lunch would be great," Sasuke opened the door, and paused, looking the blond squarely in the eye. "But you're wrong about one thing you said, Naruto. I never filed the final divorce papers. We're still married."
-xXx-
to be continued - please comment! It makes me post faster. :-)
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The Thin Line Between Love and Hate - COMPLETE