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Not Just Another Fake Boyfriend Story	By : SoapMaster Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1761 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters mentioned in the story. I do not make any money off of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Chapter Five: The Complicated Ones
The month of December was the longest month in Sasuke’s life. He had to pretend that he was Naruto’s boyfriend – which wasn’t really foreign territory at all – but he also had to pretend that Naruto was a girl. And there are just a few things about girls that Sasuke found annoying.
1. Going shopping.
Naruto dragged Sakura, Hinata, Ino, and Tenten to the mall for “girl time”, and Sakura had to call Sasuke to pick him up because he was being harassed by a bunch of guys. Cue awkward car conversation.
“I don’t know why they did it,” Naruto cried. “They said I was a faggot just for going shopping with my friends. What’s with that?! They didn’t harass Sakura, Ino, Tenten or Hinata about going shopping. I mean, I know I’m the only one in there with a boyfriend, so I was the only one trying on lingerie, but that doesn’t warrant that type of cruelness.”
“You’re totally right, Naruto,” Sasuke said, focusing on the road. He did not want to focus on the thought of Naruto trying on lingerie.
2. Libido. You think guys can be bad? Have you see girl-Naruto?
“Come on, Sasuke!” Naruto whined. “It’s been two weeks since I fell. I can have sex! I swear!”
“I don’t feel like it,” Sasuke argued. There was only so long the blond would accept that argument. “Maybe some other time.”
“Don’t you think I’m pretty anymore?” Naruto asked. Sasuke remembered the doctor’s words. You cannot reject him.
“Very,” Sasuke replied.
The next day, he showed up at Sasuke’s house in a trench coat. The Uchiha raised my eyebrows at his fashion choice, but then realized what was going on.
“Sasuke,” Naruto purred, dropping his trench coat to reveal a sexy cat outfit that showed way too much of him. “Don’t you just want to take me right now?” He pulled himself into Sasuke so that every inch of Naruto was touching him. Every inch. Yes, even those six ones.
Hey, Sasuke might not like him, but he’s still a teenager with hormones. And oh my god was Naruto tempting in that moment. But of course, he had to resist. He couldn’t sex it up with a mentally ill person.
3. Fan. Girls.
Of course, one day, Naruto decided to drag Sasuke to the table of “SasuNaru” fan girls. Sasuke figured he was top now. If and when Naruto recovered, he vowed to bring that up, just to see how Naruto would react.
Of course, Naruto only brought him to the table to “show you off, Sasuke”, but the raven ended up being groped by far too many people from the fan club. And once more, the membership of the fan club skyrocketed. If only he hadn’t pushed to get rid of them, he’d simply be harassed by a hundred girls, not the entire female population of the school with the exception of Ino, Tenten and Hinata. Oh, didn’t he mention? Sakura joined the club.
SNSNSNSN
“Sasuke, we need to talk,” said the pink haired girl one day as they were on the lunch line. “Can you tell Naruto that you and I are having some best-friend time?”
“Sure,” Sasuke said, wondering when they went from ‘friend’ to ‘best friend.’ “Anything to get away from the…girlfriend.” He said the last word with utter distaste. Why couldn’t Naruto be all over me as a guy?! At least then, Sasuke wouldn’t have to do with the mood swings and the bitchiness. He could have sworn that Naruto had PMS even though he didn’t get a period.
After they both got their lunches, Sasuke told his ball-and-chain that he was going to go eat with Sakura. Sakura and Sasuke left the cafeteria and headed up to where Sasuke loved to sit when he needed some peace and quiet. You guessed it – the roof.
Luckily, after what had happened with Naruto, none of his friends stayed angry with him for long. Especially once Ino told them all that Sasuke almost killed himself. For a few days, they all treated him like a ticking timebomb until he blew up at them.
He told them he wasn’t considering killing himself, and he’d only done so for the briefest of moments. He never would have done it. But he needed his friends now if he was to get through this stressful business with Naruto.
He didn’t think it would be so hard. Sasuke started to realize after only a week that he had a serious attraction to Naruto, and it pissed him off royally. He had to kiss Naruto in order to keep up the charade, and even participate in some light touching. But it was almost unbearable that he couldn’t go any further, even though he knew that lil’ Sasuke really liked it.
Every time they kissed, Sasuke felt that same bubbling feeling that he’d felt on the roof, albeit a little less intense. While he definitely enjoyed it more than he should have, it felt weird knowing that if Naruto was in his right mind, he wouldn’t even consider this. Every time Sasuke walked down the hall with his ‘girlfriend,’ and every time that they ended up shirtless on the sofa kissing each other, Sasuke couldn’t help but remind himself that the real Naruto would be mortified by this.
But a selfish part of him loved it. He didn’t realize how great being with Naruto would be until he had the opportunity. And while he could do without the more superficial aspects like shopping, and the other complications that dating someone who thought he was a girl entailed, Sasuke couldn’t deny that he really liked the physical aspect of their relationship.
When they finally got to the roof, Sasuke sat down in the same spot he sat in last week. It kind of gave him chills to remember what happened there, but he ignored it. Sakura sat down beside him.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Sasuke asked when she pulled out her lunch to begin eating.
“It’s Naruto,” Sakura said. “She thinks you’re gay.”
“He thinks I’m gay,” Sasuke corrected. “And I am gay!”
“Yes, but he doesn’t know that,” Sakura said. “He thinks you’re straight, and he needs you to be straight.
Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. “Why does he think I’m gay?”
“Well, he notices how you keep rejecting her…or him…or whatever. And then he…she….argh! Naruto was on your computer and he…” She trailed off and blushed.
“He what?” Sasuke asked, not liking the fact that Naruto had checked out his computer.
“He saw some porn,” Sakura said. “Gay porn,” as if it needed clarification.
“Well…” Sasuke said, not really knowing what to say. “This is kind of awkward.”
“What are you going to do?” Sakura asked, ignoring the comment.
“I don’t know,” Sasuke said with a sigh. “I guess after school, I’ll speak to Ino and Inoichi about it. He’s been trying to get me to have sex with him, but that’s an awful idea. The fact that I’ve been avoiding it is probably adding to her theory. But if anyone knows what to do best, it would be the two of them.
“Kiba will want to be part of this conversation,” Sakura said. “He’s Naruto’s best friend.”
“And he’ll definitely not want to hear anything involving my porn or anything that involves Naruto wanting me to fuck him.”
“I guess you’re right,” she said. “This is so weird, but…” She trailed off.
“What?”
“I’m kind of glad Naruto thinks he’s a girl,” Sakura admitted. “Now, we’re friends with his friends, and they’re pretty cool. Well, at least Ino is.”
“Don’t lie,” Sasuke said with a smirk. “You like Sai.”
Her cheeks began to look slightly similar to her hair in terms of shade. “I guess he’s not bad to look at.”
“He’s pretty hot,” Sasuke said with a shrug. He leaned his head back and smirked, getting an angry look from the pinkette.
“Don’t think about it, Uchiha,” Sakura warned. “You already have your own piece of ass.”
“Such a good piece of ass,” Sasuke muttered. “My hand is still getting a regular workout.”
“It’s not my fault you pick the complicated ones,” Sakura said with a shrug. “I wonder what Naruto is now. Is he straight or gay?”
“I’ll go with bi for now,” Sasuke said. “Considering he might like women as a man but he likes men as a woman, but he kissed me as a man, and…”
“Shut up,” Sakura said. “You’re confusing me.” She already knew about that kiss. It seemed everyone did. Sasuke didn’t even know how that got out, but that wasn’t his sole focus these days.
“He’s not homosexual or heterosexual,” Sasuke said, remembering the way Naruto looked in the sexy cat outfit. “He’s just sexual.”
“You can say that again,” Sakura said. Sasuke looked at her with a confused expression and she continued. “You don’t think he didn’t model for anyone with the cat costume, did you?”
“You’re making me want to kill you right now,” Sasuke deadpanned.
“Aw, how cute,” she cooed. “You’re jealous.”
“I am not jealous!” Sasuke protested. It’s true. He just…didn’t like thinking of Naruto practically with anyone else. Okay, so maybe he was a little jealous. Even if Naruto thought he was a girl, he still looked like a guy, and that’s what kept getting to Sasuke. It’s not like he actually liked him.
SNSNSNSN
After school, Sasuke decided to go to Inoichi’s house to talk to him, and he made sure to drag Ino along. Sasuke knew Naruto had to go to the SasuNaru Fan Club afterschool, so he didn’t have to worry about running into him there.
It took a few minutes, but he eventually got the point across. The hardest part was finding a tasteful way to bring up Naruto snooping on his computer. That wasn’t his shining moment, talking about his porn collection in front of two near-strangers. But the worst was insinuating that Naruto wouldn’t be convinced until Sasuke brought the sexual aspect of their relationship further.
“So that’s the problem,” Sasuke explained to the two blondes in front of him. Ino and Inoichi looked at each other and then back at the raven.
“You can’t have sex with him,” Ino said, leaving no room for questions. “You can’t take his virginity, even if he thinks he’s lost it.”
“Wait, Naruto’s a virgin?” Sasuke asked. Why would a virgin be so fucking sexual all the time? It made no sense.
“Yeah,” she said. “You’re not?”
“That doesn’t matter,” Inoichi said before Sasuke could say anything. “What matters is how to solve this. It’s a real problem.”
“Sasuke, you’re brother’s a douche bag, right?” Ino asked after a few seconds of silence.
He didn’t even have to think about the question. He remembered Itachi’s reaction to the whole situation. When Itachi found out about my girlfriend, he stopped harassing me…in front of the blond. Even he knows not to fuck around with a mentally unstable person. He learned that lesson after dumping his ex. That didn’t stop him from being a general asshole, though.
“Okay, Naruto, we need to get upstairs before we run into Itachi,” Sasuke whispered as he opened the door to his house.
“Why?” the blond asked. “I’ve met your brother plenty of times.”
“Just trust me,” Sasuke said, running his fingers through the cloudy soft hair. “You do trust me, don’t you, Naruto?”
“Of course, Sasuke,” Naruto said in a whisper. They ran up the stairs, but as soon as they reached the top, they bumped into Itachi. Of course they did…it’s not like anything could ever go right when it came to him and Naruto.
“Naruto,” Itachi said with a sadistic smile. “I didn’t know my brother was bringing you home today.”
“Sasuke narrowed his eyes and kissed Naruto’s cheek. “Go up to my room, okay?” he asked the blond. Naruto nodded and walked past Itachi to get to Sasuke’s room. Itachi watched him go and looked back at Sasuke with an amused expression.
“A little open with the kissing, huh?” Itachi asked.
“Listen up,” Sasuke said with a growl. “Naruto thinks he’s a girl because of some traumatic experience. I don’t know the details, but I do know that he thinks we’re in a realtionship, and I need to pretend to be his boyfriend until he remembers he’s a guy. No digs about me being gay or anything, alright?”
“Fine,” Itachi said, as if he didn’t care. “I can at least do it in private. Besides, I think it’s kind of cute. Like a boy-toy and a girlfriend all in one.”
“Yeah,” Sasuke said. “Loads of fun on my end.” With that, he pushed past his brother and followed Naruto to his room.
“Yeah, Itachi’s pretty much an asshole,” Sasuke told Ino and Inoichi. “What do you have in mind?”
SNSNSNSNS
Sasuke sighed as he walked down the street towards Naruto’s house hand in hand with the blond. He just didn’t have the heart to say no, especially now that Naruto was on to Sasuke being gay. But that would all change as soon as they got back to his house. Sasuke and Ino had a plan that relied entirely on the Uchiha’s acting skills, and they’d already rehearsed. Sasuke was confident it would go smoothly.
“Is something on your mind?” Sasuke asked the blond who was obviously lost in thought.
“Oh, no,” Naruto said, not looking him in the eye. “It’s nothing.” After a moment’s hesitation, he continued. “Why won’t you have sex with me? I mean, we’ve done it tons of times before, but ever since my fall, you keep making excuses. I’m fine. It won’t hurt me.”
“I know that, Naruto,” Sasuke said, a little nervous that the situation was tensing before he was able to get to the house where Ino would help diffuse it.
“Then what is it?” Naruto pushed. “Am I not good enough or something?” He looked at Sasuke with those big cerulean orbs that looked one wrong word from flooding with tears.
“No, you’re excellent,” Sasuke lied. “It’s just me.”
“What about you?”
“I’ve discovered something,” Sasuke said, not really know where he was going.
“What?” Naruto asked harshly, sending his ‘boyfriend’ a harsh glare. He obviously had a guess as to what Sasuke had discovered.
“I…I’m…I don’t know how to say this,” Sasuke said, trying to buy time to come up with an idea.
“Say it,” Naruto commanded, obviously bracing himself for the news.
“I’m…” Sasuke frantically searched his brain for a reason, and the one he found, while it might work, was definitely not the best excuse. Oh well, in for a dime, in for a dollar. “I’m religious.” Those few seconds while the excuse registered in Naruto’s mind were long and agonizing for Sasuke.
“What?” the blond finally asked, confused by the excuse.
“Your injuries were worse than you think,” Sasuke said, trying to roll with the punches. Hopefully he was as good at improve as he was at scripted acting.
“I always heal fast,” Naruto said dismissively. “What does that have to do with religion?”
“When you were in critical condition, I prayed to God, and I asked him to save you. I told him if he did, then I’d stop having sex with you until we were married.” ‘Yeah, that works,’ Sasuke thought. ‘I certainly won’t propose to him while he still thinks he’s a girl.’ It took a few seconds for him to realize what he said. ‘Wait, gay marriage isn’t even legal in this state! What am I talking about!?’
“You what?” Naruto asked, almost seething at the reply. At least he believed it.
“I tried to cut a deal with him,” Sasuke said. “Like in those movies, you know?”
“I heard what you said,” Naruto said. “I just don’t get why it matters anymore.”
“Because I made a solemn promise to God,” Sasuke said, trying to keep a straight face. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in god; he just wasn’t really all that religious. He hadn’t gone to church in over a decade. The last time he went, his parents took him.
“You don’t seem all that religious,” Naruto observed. “In fact, we’ve hung out the last two Sundays, so I know you haven’t been to church.” He narrowed his eyes. “What’s really going on? Don’t lie to me this time.”
Dammit! Sasuke almost had him convinced. Now he needed another excuse. He could either come up with an excuse for not going to church, or come up with an entirely different excuse for not having sex with him and lying about religion. And he needed the excuse quickly, or Naruto would just figure that he was lying about being gay…which he was. Again, an excuse came to him, but he didn’t know if it would pan out.
“I’m Jewish,” he lied. And, cue another awkward pause while Naruto absorbed the information.
“Come again?” Naruto asked after a couple seconds of confusion.
“Well, in Judaism, the Sabbath is on Saturday,” Sasuke said. Thank god he took that elective on world religions last year. Sure, it was either that or taking the crotchet class – that school needs new electives – but he can safely say he’s used the class in life.
“You’re…Jewish?” Naruto asked as if he didn’t understand those words. “Why Jewish?”
“Because…I…my family is Jewish,” he lied. He knew that if Naruto ended up staying like this until the next holiday season, that could be a problem. Despite not being religious, Kakashi always made sure that he and Itachi had a family dinner on Christmas. It was always a disaster. Then again, if Naruto was still like this by next Christmas, he would probably already guess Sasuke’s sexuality. There’s no way he could pull this off for almost a year.
“Since when is your family Jewish?” Naruto asked, obviously suspicious. He wasn’t as stupid as he looked, huh?
“Always,” Sasuke said, knowing there was no turning back at this point. “We’re just…not religious.”
“So you go to temple every Saturday?” Naruto asked, still suspicious.
“Yes!” Sasuke said.
“And you’re very religious?” the blond asked.
“Very,” the Uchiha confirmed.
“Then why did you have a cheeseburger for lunch today?” Naruto asked, satisfied that he caught the Uchiha in his web of lies.
Fuck. Sasuke almost widened his eyes before realizing that would be an admission of guilt. Instead, he had to just roll with the punches, and answer every single one of Naruto’s questions with a sufficient answer. He was in too deep to let this happen.
“Why did I have a cheeseburger?” he asked, repeating the question. He needed another excuse. Why did that always happen? Sure, telling a lie might require telling another one to cover it up, but he was going three or four lies deep, and it hadn’t even been five minutes!
“Yeah,” Naruto said smugly. “That’s illegal in Judaism, right?”
“You see…” Sasuke said, still trying to buy time. He couldn’t just say he was one of the Jews who didn’t keep kosher, or he couldn’t pretend to be super-religious. He couldn’t deny having ordered a cheeseburger – Naruto was there when he ordered it. He couldn’t just backpedal out of this lie, or Naruto would know something was up. “They didn’t have any hamburgers,” he said, remembering that there were very few options left after a group of twenty came in and went to town on the place. It was believable, if not true. “So I just ordered the cheeseburger and took the cheese off.”
“Really?” he asked, with his arms crossed.
“Yeah,” Sasuke lied with his best poker face ever. Or at least he hoped it was. “Didn’t you see me?”
“No,” he said before rolling his eyes. “Fine,” he said after a moment. “I believe you”. By now, they’d reached his house. Naruto pulled out his key and opened the door, allowing them in. Sasuke was relieved that Naruto believed him. It was a close call, but it worked out all right. Or at least he hoped. “So why didn’t you tell anyone?” he asked as they entered the house. Where was Ino? She was supposed to come in a soon as they walked in!
“Oh, I…I thought that you deserved to know first, but I didn’t know how to bring it up,” Sasuke said. That was probable one of the easier lies he’d told today.
“So starting Monday, you’ll wear the funny looking head thingy to school?” he asked with his eyebrows arched, testing his boyfriend. (1)
“Yes,” Sasuke said before realizing what he had just agreed to. Great. Where could he go to get a yarmulke on a Friday evening? This just kept getting better and better.
“Okay,” Naruto said, satisfied. He/she knew that Sasuke was lying, and he/she/they were trying to make sure it was as hard for him as possible. Sasuke knew he was trapped now. He couldn’t help but really hope that Naruto regained his memory before tomorrow.
Finally, Ino took notice of their arrival and joined them in the kitchen. Sasuke was relieved. Operation: Make Naruto Think Sasuke’s Straight was about to begin.
“You bastard!” Ino said, slapping Sasuke’s face. He didn’t expect that to hurt so much. He instinctively covered the assaulted spot with his hand, his cheek stinging from the slap. Naruto, who hadn’t seen what had happened, was able to guess from Sasuke’s reaction.
“Ino!”
“What the fu –” Sasuke said before realizing he was supposed to be religious, “-heck?”
“You are such an asshole!” Ino yelled, not really picking up on Sasuke’s latest scheme.
“What’s this about?” Sasuke asked, feigning confusion.
“Why are you stringing Naruto along when everyone knows you’re gay?” Ino accused.
“Ino!” Naruto yelled, obviously upset at his sisters actions. “I told you I’d handle this.”
“Wait,” Sasuke interrupted. “You two think I’m gay?” he asked as if it was the most ridiculous idea in the world. Jeez, he’d better win an Emmy after today. At the very least, he deserves an Oscar nomination.
“Naruto found the porn stash, you fucker,” Ino angrily, and Sasuke almost smiled at Naruto’s horrified reaction.
“Language,” Sasuke chastised, going along with his lie about religion. Hopefully Ino might pick up the change in plan. “It does no one any good to use such words. The Lord forbids it.”
“Um…what?” Ino asked. Okay, so he deviated from the basic script they set up earlier, but he couldn’t quite call her a bitch, could he? That would be a no-no for any real religious person. Besides, Ino had to be clued in on the change. She might spoil everything. But obviously he’d overestimated her intelligence.
“What porn stash?” Sasuke asked, pretending the last exchange didn’t happen. He needed to move on, and he couldn’t think of any other way to convey his previous exchange with Naruto.
“Oh…um…” Ino said, trying to get back on track. “She saw your videos,” she finally said, nodding at Naruto with her head. “Your gay porn videos.”
“Gay porn videos?” Sasuke asked, seemingly dumbfounded.
“Don’t lie, Sasuke,” Naruto said with a sad, soft voice. “I know you’re gay and you don’t want to hurt my feelings, but lying about religion won’t save you know.”
‘It was a project that I was doing for my rabbi,’ wouldn’t go over well, Sasuke figured, but he couldn’t help but almost smile at the thought of saying that. No, he had to go along with what he and Ino had set up earlier.
“I honestly have no idea about what you’re talking about, and I’m offended that you think I’m lying about my religion,” Sasuke lied.
“Th-then show us your laptop,” Ino said, obviously confused by our religion talk, but going along with their script anyway. It didn’t really matter if she understood at this point. Naruto would tell her later.
“Fine,” Sasuke said, pulling his laptop out of his bag. He opened it and it turned on – he keep it on sleep all the time – and then opened his folders. He went through the computer to the folder Ino pointed out – god this was going to be embarrassing – and he double clicked a video…one he had put in there just for this plan.
Two men appeared on the screen and one was using his mouth as a urinal for the other. Sasuke cringed. ‘I swear, some people are really disgusting.’ Sure he’s gay, but that’s just nasty. He didn’t have to fake the look of horror he had on his face. Naruto didn’t miss that, and Sasuke saw him look…down south…presumably to make sure Sasuke’s pants conveyed the same message as his face. Sasuke didn’t have to worry about that.
“Itachi,” Sasuke said softly. This was going to go off without a hitch.
“Excuse me?” Ino asked.
“Itachi is gay,” Sasuke lied. “He has this huge fetish for urine, which I find to be truly revolting,” he added.
“Why would he use your computer for his porn?” Naruto asked, obviously not buying what he and Ino were selling.
He shrugged his shoulders. “For the same reason when we first got together he barged into the cafeteria gave us condoms in a paper bag.”
“Yeah, he is an asshole,” Naruto conceded. “But I doubt he’d go this far. How would he know I’d even look here?”
“It’s a place I’d never look,” Sasuke said with a shrug. “I guess he figured it was a matter of time before you found it. I wonder how long these have been on here?” He closed the window and deleted the video, making sure to clear the rest of the folder, much to his disappointment. Oh well, he could always re-download it later. The important thing was showing Naruto that Itachi had left his calling card for Sasuke in the form of two men pissing all over each other.
“Sorry for accusing you,” Ino said after a few moments. That was the key to the plan. Ino had to be vehemently sure that Sasuke was gay in the beginning and then apologize and concede later. That would put pressure on Naruto to do the same. Maybe Kakashi’s psychology class wasn’t all worthless.
“Hn,” Sasuke replied, pretending to still be offended. “I have to go, anyway.” He kissed Naruto on the cheek, but the little tease turned his head at the last second and caught Sasuke in a surprise kiss that seemed to not stop. Ino giggled when Naruto opened his mouth, requesting access to Sasuke’s own. He mentally sighed and pulled away. “I really have to go,” He said. “But I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow’s Saturday,” he pointed out, and Sasuke almost cursed at his stupidity and short memory.
“Yeah, but temple isn’t an all-day event,” he said, hoping it was true. Apparently it was true, because Naruto gave up. “Bye, Naruto.” Now he had to find a Jewish supplies store. Great.
SNSNSNSN
When he got home, Ino called him to ask what was going on after Naruto told her about his embracement of religion. Naturally, Sasuke explained it to her.
“That’s hilarious,” she said. “I can’t believe you said you were Jewish.”
“I’m going to hell,” Sasuke said. “Doesn’t matter what religion I am. After all I’ve done and lied about.”
“But you did it for a good cause,” Ino said. “Naruto’s emotional health is at stake here.”
“I know,” Sasuke said. It didn’t change the fact that he’d killed Kyuubi. It didn’t change the fact that he was the reason Naruto was raped.
“So…” she trailed off. “Are you going to temple tomorrow?” Sasuke could hear the amusement in her voice.
“No,” he said with a bit of an attitude. “Naruto doesn’t need to know where I am tomorrow morning. I’ll just show up at 2:00 wearing a yarmulke (A/N: pronounced ‘YA-ma-ka’) and say I just got back from temple.”
“You’re such a good liar, Uchiha,” she said. “But you’d better not lie to me or Inoichi. We’re human lie detectors. It’s like we can see into your brain.”
“That’s a nice thought,” I deadpanned. “I have to go.”
“Bye.”
“Hn.”
As soon as the button clicked, his bedroom door was slammed open.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were Jewish?” Itachi said with a phone receiver in his hand and a sadistic smirk on his face.
“You were listening in!?” Sasuke yelled, knowing that no good could come from this. Whenever Itachi took an interest in him, there was always hell to pay. And the last time it ended with Sasuke drunk as a skunk at Mangekyo. He didn’t want to know how it would end this time.
“Tomorrow morning, we are going straight to the nearest synagogue and we will have a nice time enlightening ourselves with the Lord’s teachings,” he said, his smirk growing.
“You know I have no plans on going,” Sasuke said. “There’s nothing you can do to make me sacrifice my morning to go to some boring service, which probably won’t even be in English.”
“Either you go, or Naruto might just get a call tomorrow from me, explaining that her boyfriend lied,” Itachi said. Hook. Line. Sinker.
“You wouldn’t do that,” Sasuke said not-so-confidently. “You’re annoying and obnoxious, but not evil.” He hoped it was true.
Cut to the next morning, when Itachi had gone so far as to dial Naruto’s number. He put it down before Naruto picked up, but Sasuke had to agree to go to temple first. Now he had to lose half his weekend, and he didn’t know whether to blame Naruto more or Itachi. He settled on Itachi – he was always a great person to blame shit on.
So that’s how he was stuck listening to an old guy sing and speak in Hebrew for hours. Oh joy. Of course, Itachi had to go out of his way to find the nearest Orthodox temple, just so that Sasuke would ‘fit in.’ He loved telling people about Sasuke’s decision to wait until marriage. They fawned over the younger Uchiha, and he realized then that he wasn’t going to hell – he was already there. His life was his own personal hell.
SNSNSNSN
Sasuke was finally done with temple, so he got dressed in normal clothes and got into his car to go to Naruto’s house. On the way, he got a phone call, though.
“It’s Ino,” the voice on the other line said.
“I know,” Sasuke told her. “I have caller ID.”
“Naruto thinks you’re lying,” she said, ignoring my smart-ass remark. Just fucking great. After all the effort he went to yesterday – even going to fucking temple today! – Naruto still didn’t believe him. It was enough to make him want to wrap his car around the next telephone pole!
“About what?” he asked, hoping against hope that it didn’t have to do with his sexuality. “I’m lying about so many things I can’t keep track.”
“Your religion, and the real reason you won’t have sex with her…him,” she said, correcting herself.
“Well, I had to think of something!” Sasuke exclaimed defensively.
“Religion?” she asked incredulously. “Really? That was the best you could do?”
“What do you suggest I do?” Sasuke asked, ignoring her attitude.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “But he does plan on testing you.”
“I’ll be ready,” Sasuke said. He knew enough between talking to the rabbi (thanks to Itachi) and that class on religion that he could probably convince Naruto that he went to temple. And any other test Naruto threw at him, he’d probably be able to handle. Hopefully.
SNSNSNSN
“You actually went to temple?” Naruto asked, surprised. And boy did he believe it. Sasuke even had one of their songs stuck in his head. He couldn’t go anywhere without humming “Hava Nagila.” It was awful.
“Yep,” Sasuke said. At least that wasn’t a lie. For once. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“So we’re really not having sex until you propose?” Naruto asked, and Sasuke realized that Naruto wasn’t nearly as suspicious as he was yesterday. He was almost ready to believe him.
“Sorry,” Sasuke said with a shrug. “But I don’t want to compromise my religious values. And I know a loving girlfriend like you wouldn’t ask me to.” There we go, throw some guilt in there!
“I have a question,” Naruto said, looking like he was about to challenge him.
“Alright.”
“Do you love me?”
Now, picture this. They’re in Naruto’s house on the sofa. Inoichi and Ino are in the dining room, which is only separated from the living room by the little bar that they eat on. Tenten, Sakura and Hinata are sitting nearby, waiting for Inoichi to finish talking to Ino so they could go to the mall together. And then, Naruto asks him this. A hush fell over the room. Even Inoichi is listening intently.
“Do you love me?” Sasuke asked right back. He had to redirect the question.
“I asked you first,” Naruto said. Fuck. He had to make a split decision.
“Yes,” he lied. “Of course I love you. How could you doubt that?” It was completely immoral to lie about something like this, but Sasuke was doing this for a good reason, so it was okay, right?
“I love you, too,” Naruto said. “I have an idea.”
“Okay,” Sasuke said, confused as to where this is going.
“Why don’t you marry me?” he asked. Sasuke heard a purse drop to the ground, and a bunch of gasps behind him. Fuck.
“We’re seventeen!” Sasuke said.
“So?” he asked. “We don’t have to do it now. Let’s just be engaged, and we can get married after high school.” And the plot thickens. Sasuke couldn’t help but remember Sakura’s words the other day. It’s not my fault you pick the complicated ones.
Complicated was right.
“I am not going to say yes to your proposal just so you can get me in bed,” Sasuke said. “The Lord would frown upon that.”
“I love you, Sasuke,” Naruto said. “I don’t see why we should wait.”
“Maybe once we’re old enough to have champagne at the reception, we’ll talk about it,” Sasuke said dismissively. This wasn’t nearly the hardest thing he had to do in the last few days to prove his sexuality. Naruto just pouted with that cute little pout of his. Wait, did he just call Naruto cute? Fuck, this whole situation was finally getting to him.
“Fine,” he said, leaning in to whisper to the Uchiha. “But there are other ways to show your love that don’t involve sex.” Sasuke knew everyone in the apartment was looking at them, and so did Naruto. Sasuke knew that no one in the apartment could hear him, and so did Naruto. But Sasuke did know that every person in the apartment heard his strained groan, even if they didn’t see exactly what Naruto did to provoke it.
What did he do, you might ask? Sasuke would be more than happy to answer that question. Uzumaki Naruto – the boy who thinks he’s a girl, Sasuke’s girlfriend to be more exact – just grabbed the raven’s cock through his jeans.
“Naruto!” he gasped, pulling away. “Stop it!”
“Daddy?” he asked, turning to Inoichi. “Can you give me and Sasuke some privacy.”
“No,” Inoichi said flat out, and Sasuke was immeasurably grateful. Even if he is a little crazy, what kind of person – girl or guy – asks their father to leave so they can fuck on the sofa?
“But Daddy,” Naruto whined. ‘I swear, if he didn’t remember that he’s a guy soon, I’m going to have to kill him’. He know he thought that about a lot of people (the killing part, not remembering one’s true gender…that’d just be weird), but this time it’s 100% true. Not only is he a girl, but he’s the worst kind – Daddy’s Little Girl.
“I’m not going to let my princess be alone in a room with her boyfriend,” Inoichi said sternly. Sasuke was surprised he was handling this well at all.
“Sasuke-kun,” Naruto whined. “Tell Daddy that you won’t have sex with me.”
“No thanks,” Sasuke said. “I’m pretty sure this day has exceeded the minimum requirement of embarrassment for the day.” He got up and grabbed his coat. “I think I should leave.”
“Look what you did, Daddy!” Naruto yelled at Inoichi as Sasuke left the apartment. Who would have thought he would leave a room so hastily to get back to his house…with his brother.
OoOoOoOoO
The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. Sasuke got home and Itachi teased him about Naruto. Sasuke did his homework and Itachi teased him about Naruto. Sasuke ate dinner and Itachi teased him about Naruto. Sasuke was beginning to see a pattern.
Now that he had a surprise “girlfriend” who took up so much of his free time, Sasuke had fewer chances to do schoolwork. So he was still awake finishing the project he and Naruto had started for history (way back when he was a dude!) about the important figure when the phone rang. Most of the time, when the phone rings at 1:34 in the morning, it is either an emergency or a wrong number from…Sasuke didn’t know… maybe India. Some place in another time zone. But no…they couldn’t have gotten a call like that. That would be too easy.
“Sasuke-kun,” came Naruto’s trembling voice along the other line.
“Yes, Naruto,” I answered exasperatedly, clearly showing his exhaustion. “Care to tell why you called so late?”
“I-I had a nightmare,” he sobbed. That caught my attention. Sasuke sat straight up, knocking a few of the papers off his lap.
“What kind of nightmare has you crying so much?” Sasuke asked. He didn’t want to know, because this would be the same kind of nightmare that Itachi would obviously be too timid to talk to Inoichi or Ino about, which was definitely a bad thing.
“It was…a man,” Naruto sobbed. “He had red hair, and he had sharp teeth. He was…he was hitting me, calling me a faggot.” Sasuke’s eyes went wide as he thanked the gods that Naruto had called his cell phone. At least Itachi wasn’t listening in on this conversation. Sasuke put his jacket on, keeping the phone to his ear, as he talked.
“Listen, Naruto,” he said. “I will be right there. I have my spare key, so just stay in your bedroom, okay?”
Sasuke might have broken speed records, because he was inside Naruto’s house in 4 minutes, and they live over ten minutes away from each other. Sasuke opened the door to Naruto’s room and was greeted by a frantically clingy hug. He couldn’t even blame him if he had that dream.
“It was awful,” he sobbed into Sasuke’s chest.
“Start from the beginning,” Sasuke said. “Tell me every detail.” As much as he’d hate to hear it, he had to know how much Naruto remembered. This was a good thing. At least he was on the road to recovery if he was starting to remember some repressed memories.
“It started off with you there, kissing me,” he began. “Only I was a guy, so I thought the dream was just kind of weird. But then, the man was on the sofa when I got home and he…he hit me. He threw me to the ground. He called me a faggot and told me he’d make sure I’d never like it up the ass.”
“What happened next?” Sasuke asked.
“I woke up,” he said. “But it was so real. It was like it actually happened to me. I know it’s silly. We both know I’m not a guy, and I’m definitely not a gay guy –” Uh, yeah. “– but I still feel like it happened.”
“Shh,” Sasuke said, pulling the blond back into his chest. “You don’t have to be scared anymore, Naruto. I’m here for you.” He pulled away and looked into Sasuke’s eyes with his sparkling cerulean orbs. Sasuke felt his heart jump, and he pulled the blond back in. It was times like this when he remembered that despite how insufferable Naruto could be, he kind of liked being his boyfriend.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” Naruto asked. “You don’t need to sleep with me, just…be with me?”
“Of course,” Sasuke assured him. Tomorrow was a Sunday, so it didn’t really matter if he was over at his house. They walked back to Naruto’s bed, which Sasuke realized still smelled like he did before the blond bought his strawberry shampoo and conditioner and his berry fresh body wash. It held the distinct smell of ramen and oranges. It was a much nicer smell than the fruits that Naruto now perfumed himself in.
He curled into the Uchiha when they got into the bed, and Sasuke wrapped my arms securely around Naruto’s abdomen. He couldn’t help but be somewhat happy that Naruto was remembering who he really was. Sasuke might be closer to this Naruto, but he much preferred the old one. It wasn’t long before Naruto had drifted off to sleep, and Sasuke succumbed even sooner.
SNSNSNSN
Sasuke woke up a few hours later when the first rays of sunlight shone through the blinds. The sunlight made horizontal strips of light appear on Naruto’s side of the bed. The way the light hit his pink comforter (he didn’t know why he had an orange one after…the incident), and the way it looked hitting his blond hair, Naruto was a breathtaking vision. Although, Sasuke could do without being in the pink room. This new Naruto could sure be annoying when he’s awake.
Looking at the clock, Sasuke decided he was up late enough to roll over and go back to sleep at 7:14, and he quickly went right back to sleep for another few hours.
When he woke up for the second time, he felt something so…weird. And to be honest, his brain didn’t function properly in the morning. It’s one of the reasons that he generally take showers first thing in the morning. He looked over to where Naruto was sleeping, but he didn’t see anyone there.
It was then that he finally realized the weird feeling. It was morning wood. But not just morning wood. He opened his eyes in shock to see Naruto – naked – sucking his cock at the foot of the bed.
Oh god! And he was good. And Sasuke was close. And…and..
“What the fuck is going on?” came the loud voice from the doorway. Naruto’s lips detached from my cock and Sasuke made a quick movement to cover myself.
“Ino!” we both yelled, horrified that she had walked in. And Sasuke was more horrified at himself. If she hadn’t shown up, would he have let Naruto finished? Lil’ Sasuke seemed to like that idea, but his other head didn’t like the idea of letting a mentally incapacitated person do that.
“Uchiha,” she growled, glaring at the raven. He quickly pulled the jeans Naruto had left around his ankles up and buttoned them. “You’re coming with me!” Sasuke dutifully followed her into her room, where she closed the door and slapped him. Second time in the last few days. And it was the same cheek, too.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she asked, obviously angry. Sasuke couldn’t even blame her. He knew how bad that looked.
“I woke up and he was sucking me off!” Sasuke defended. He wasn’t completely guilty.
“Why are you even here? You slept here?” she asked.
“Naruto had a nightmare,” Sasuke explained. “He remembered some of what happened with Kyuubi, but he thinks it was just a dream.”
“Really?” Ino asked, suddenly forgetting the blow-job incident.
“Yes,” Sasuke said. “He wanted me to stay, so I did. I wasn’t going to push him away when he was that vulnerable. If you don’t like what you walked in on, either tell your sister to keep his mouth to himself or just knock before entering a room.” With that, Sasuke walked right out of her room, out of the house, and away.
Fuck. Why did he always pick the complicated ones.
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Not Just Another Fake Boyfriend Story