Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

See Me, Feel Me, Remember Me	By : TakaRei Category: Naruto AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1198 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, it all belongs to Kishimoto Masashi. I am not making any money from this fanfction. I also don't own anything related to Dragon Ball, which is mentioned in the fan-fiction as a fandom.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
A/N: Another chapter! The longest one ever, woot! I am pleased how it turned out, it is much much better than the crappy one before. I never thought I would enjoy writing angsty fan-fiction this much. I'm sorry for the rushed and pretty plain intro, I had to make more time pass so that I could get to the good stuff. Enjoy! ^^
Also, for bigger impact, I recommend you turn on some sad music, something along the lines of "Coma White" by Marilyn Manson.
And I want to thank everyone who read this until now, your comments and reviews mean so much to me :heart: It gives me a reason to keep writing. One review in particual made me smile, it was from G (I suppose it stands for "guest"). Your idea is interesting, but read the chapter and see if you were right. Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing!
Warning for this chapter: Angst, blood, physical abuse, bl.

The same pattern continued during the next week. The next weekend Sasuke was invited to Karin’s birthday party and although he didn’t felt like going he decided he needed to cool off and that it was the best way. The party was pretty boring, at least to him, since he didn’t know anyone but Karin, Jugo and Suigetsu. Jugo and Suigetsu were trying to pick up girls, Karin was too excited to give any notice to Sasuke, so he spent most of the party sitting in a corner, sipping his drink. A few squealing girls did notice them, but after receiving his death glare they dropped it, mumbling how he was rude. The truth was, Sasuke was in an extremely bad mood. He didn’t see Naruto two days before that, since the other boy informed him that he had to go out of town for 4 days. When Sasuke’s more or less emotionless face turned sad, Naruto started reassuring him that he will be back on Monday for sure and that he didn’t have to worry.

His mood was getting worse each day. Even though he was still feeling embarrassed, he still wanted to be with Naruto, and not being able to do that took a tool on him. After he left the party he walked home. He didn’t care that it was late nor that he had to walk for more than ten blocks. He needed to clear his head. After spending some time away from Naruto, Sasuke was more sure than ever that what he felt about the boy wasn’t pure friendship. He tried to deny it, but the feeling was so warm, so beautiful, it was painful to do so. So he decided that he will treasure it.

Maybe he will never be able to express his feelings, maybe Naruto and him could never be together, but he wasn’t going to drop it just because of it. Deep in his soul, he felt he had a chance, and no matter how small the chance was, he wasn’t going to waste it.

Of course, he was worried that if he told Naruto, he would abandon him. It’s not every day that your friend announces that he’s in love with you. That fear alone was the only thing keeping him in place, or he would’ve already said something to Naruto. He didn’t want to lose this only friend, his sun. So he said nothing.

The weekend passed, and Naruto didn’t turn up on Monday as he promised. Sasuke was getting more and more nervous by the minute. When Naruto didn’t turn up for the next two days, Sasuke became worried. The blond always had a good reason when he wasn’t around, but didn’t he promise to Sasuke that he’ll be back, for sure? Then, where was he?

Sasuke needed him.

It seemed as if the whole world was out to get him that week. On Wednesday his brother announced at the family dinner that Konan and him were getting married in 6 months. Sasuke was furious, and the lack of control by his part resulted in him lashing out of the restaurant and running all the way home. He couldn’t breathe, his vision was blurry, he was so mad. How could Itachi make that kind of decision without consulting with him first?!

Of course, the reasonable part of him knew that Itachi didn’t have to do anything. It was his life, not Sasuke’s. But it affected Sasuke so much, it was the first time he really wished he and his brother were closer so that Itachi would know how deeply his decision hurt him. He remained silent for the next two days, and that plus Naruto not being there pushed him over the edge. He couldn’t study, he couldn’t eat and he couldn’t sleep. He was a walking corpse.

Professors noticed his lack of concentration in class, and he was summoned to the school councilor. Not that it helped. Sasuke was just staring at her for half an hour, not uttering a single word and she dismissed him, saying that he needed rest and that he needn’t have to come to school next week. Sasuke was furious, but no amount of arguing was gonna get him out of it. And it was true, he was tired.

He still had trouble falling asleep, and when he did, he had such vivid dreams that scared him to the bones. He would usually wake up with tears in his eyes, and that week off became his living nightmare. He realized soon, that it reminded him so much at the time when his mother and sister died. And then he found himself in a ditch that he was finally free after a long time.

After two years finally out of therapy, he started thinking about cutting again. He still had his hidden stash of razors in his mattress and this was the first time he felt like using them since he met Naruto. Yes, he had those urges before he met him, but the pills that he was taking were keeping him in line. When he met Naruto, he felt like he didn’t need them. And now, off the pills and without Naruto, his dark thoughts started flocking in his mind.

On Friday he reached his limit.

Itachi was at work after four days off that he took to take care of Sasuke (fearing that he would do something stupid) and Sasuke had watched every tv program that was airing. He was alone and after puking out the food he forced upon himself he decided that nothing else could help him. He went to his room and took the razors out. He always kept them clean so that they don’t corrode, but after a year or so, some rust was visible one the other edges. He wanted to cut so badly, he didn’t even care. He went to his bathroom, locked the door and took his clothes. Filling the tub with icy water the sat down, enjoying the pain that he had forsaken for so long.

He looked at his thighs. Everywhere his gaze went he noticed milky white scars, there was almost no place left to cut. He took a razor that he prepared and cleaned and took a deep breath. The first cut was always the worst, and the best.

Air was cut short to his lungs when the first streak of red stained the tub. His hands were shaking and tears started flowing on their own. He didn’t care. Nothing mattered to him. He cut again.

At first, he thought, that when Naruto got back to school and noticed Sasuke was gone, he would come running to his house, demanding to know the reason. Also, that he himself had a good reason for not showing up the previous week. But when his wished didn’t come true, he started believing that Naruto had abandoned him. Naruto didn’t care about him. It was all a cruel play of his mind, his childish hopes that finally someone had come to save him from the hell that he was living. Sasuke started wondering if Naruto ever cared, or if he was only his new toy, a broody, lonely kid that he decided to play with until he got bored. He could clearly imagine Naruto, sitting somewhere with his friends, laughing at Sasuke. His vision became blurry as hot tears continued to flow.

-          You never cared! – he yelled and the echo of his words resounded off the bathroom walls striking his heart deeper than the flesh wounds on his thighs. The cold water in the tub was now resembling a transparent canvas painted with trembling red flowers.

He reached for the razor again and as he was preparing for another blow he felt a warm breeze followed by a whisper.

-          Don’t do it.

He blinked, looking around him. He was alone. He cleared his head and wrote it off as a hallucination. But why was the voice so familiar?

He pressed the razor to his inner thigh and the voice spoke again.

-          Don’t do it Sasuke.

He dropped the razor, nervously looking around. No one was there. But, he was sure it was his voice…

Completely forgetting about the razor, he got out of the tub reaching for his bathrobe. He unlocked the door, his pare fingers sticky with blood. He got to his room, ignoring the soaring pain in his legs and then he almost fainted.

Naruto was standing right in front of him.

Sasuke felt his heart beating fiercely, as he tried to stay on his feet. Naruto was there, in his room, in front of him, with a painful look on his face. His sun had come to save him.

He almost run forward to hug him, but his legs gave out half-way and he crashed on the floor, his bathrobe sliding, revealing the bloody wounds. Naruto closed his eyes, like he wanted to erase the sight in front of him, but then took a deep breath and opened them. He was still standing at the same spot.

-          Why did you do that Sasuke? – his voice was raspy, almost as if he was sleeping before this. Or maybe crying.

Sasuke couldn’t utter a word. He shakily returned to his feet, nor realizing how deep he had cut. He barely made it to the bed and crashed onto the covers, staining the white fabric. Naruto followed him, sitting beside him.

-          Answer me. – his voice was soft and caring, filled with sadness.
-          I… - Sasuke muttered, but his voice broke as tears covered his face.

-          You weren’t there! You weren’t there and so many things happened while you were gone and I couldn’t take it anymore! Itachi didn’t care, Konan didn’t care, nobody cared! And you weren’t there and I thought that you didn’t care as well!! – he screamed with a broken voice, his head dropping to his palms. It wasn’t until later that he realized that his face was now red with his own blood.

-          You promised you’d be back on Monday! YOU PROMISED! – he couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

Naruto took a painful breath.

-          I’m so sorry Sasuke. I know I promised, but I couldn’t come. I wasn’t able to.
-          Why? What was so important? You forsake me, you didn’t care what would happen to me, you just let me slip into this! Even though I care about you so much… - now he couldn’t stop the words from flowing. He didn’t imagine his confession to be like this.
-          I couldn’t do anything… - a small tear escaped Naruto’s eye. Sasuke watched in wonderment.
-          When you’re not there, my chest hurts! I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I can’t do anything but think about you not being there, I can’t stop thinking about you and how much I want to kiss you! – Sasuke yelled, looking into azure eyes. Then he realized what he had said and his heart skipped a beat.

Naruto was looking at him, tears running down his face. He clutched his palm into a fist.

-          I’m so sorry…

Sasuke gazed as the other boy was now fighting an inner battle.

-          I’m so useless! – Naruto yelled.
-          You’re not! – Sasuke said, pained with Naruto’s self hurt. He didn’t want Naruto to blame himself, although he insinuated it.
-          I am. I couldn’t stop you, I couldn’t be there for you…
-          You are here now! You made me stop.
-          I was far too late. I wished I didn’t had to leave, then none of this would’ve happened.
-          Why weren’t you there? – Sasuke asked timidly. He didn’t want to sound like he was blaming Naruto, but his heart was still aching.
-          I couldn’t be.
-          Then how is it that you’re here now?
-          I had to stop you.
-          How did you know? – he dropped his head.

Naruto went silent.

-          I went looking for you as soon as I got back.

Sasuke looked at him. Then it dawned to him.

-          How did you even get in here? I was sure I locked the door.
-          I let myself in.
-          How? – nothing was making sense anymore. He was glad Naruto was here, but how in the world did he come in. And he was sure he heard Naruto’s voice in the bathroom, even though he didn’t see him. The door was locked for a reason.
-          You said you wanted to kiss me. – Naruto said.

Sasuke’s face turned slightly pink, not being able to reach it’s full redness due to the blood loss.

-          Uhm… Yeah.
-          Do it.
-          What?!
-          Kiss me.

Sasuke gulped as he leaned forward to his blond friend, realizing what he was about to do.

Naruto was sitting completely still, his azure eyes glued to Sasuke’s.

Sasuke leaned and kissed him.

His heart was drumming in his ears, but he felt nothing. It was as if he was kissing the air.

Naruto gave him a painful smile.

-          What is this..? – Sasuke’s voice trembled.
-          You can’t, can you?
-          Why?! Why can’t I kiss you?
-          Don’t you get it? – Naruto was smiling the whole time, but his voice was broken.

Sasuke’s eyes widened in realization.

-          What are you?
-          I’m a ghost.

Sasuke’s heart stopped beating for a moment.

-          What?
-          I’m a ghost.

Sasuke wanted to make sure he heard him right.

-          A ghost..?
-          Mnn.
-          How is that even possible?

Naruto sighed.

-          Are you dead? – Sasuke’s felt his nervousness rising.
-          No. But maybe it would’ve been better that I was.
-          Don’t say that.

Naruto chuckled.

-          Tell me everything. – Sasuke demanded.
-          I will. But firstly, please take a towel and stop that bleeding. I don’t want you to join me.

Sasuke hurried into the bathroom, taking two towels and wiping his thighs. His brain was a mush. He didn’t doubt a word that Naruto said, even thought it was virtually impossible. Everything made sense now. Why Naruto suddenly disappeared, why he only appeared when they were alone, why everyone looked in confusion at the revolving door the first day…

He returned to the room, wrapping the towels over his skin as he sat down. Naruto was waiting for him, floating in the air. Sasuke swallowed his spit and nodded to him and Naruto started his story.

-          I was the student of your school, that I didn’t lie. But, I’m not anymore. Me and my family were in a horrible car accident, right in front of the park that we were sitting that one day. We were taking a turn and a truck collided with us. Their brakes were dead. It was a miracle I survived, my parents were killed in the spot. – Naruto wiped a few tears.

Sasuke felt a well known pain reside in his chest, pain of loosing your beloved family.

-          I still don’t know how I survived. They rushed me to the hospital, there was blood everywhere, I heard the doctors yelling that my ribs were broken and that I had head injury. They quickly called for my grand-pa Jiraiya, well he’s not really my grandfather but he is like family to me… They fixed me, but I was in a coma. They told him that, and I was watching all that from above. I don’t know when it happened, it was as if I was pulled from my body at the moment of the impact. Nobody could see me, I screamed, yelled, called for Jiraiya and the doctors, but it was like I was air to them. It was then that I realized that I was a ghost.

Sasuke listened carefully, letting the information sink. Naruto continued.

-          That was three weeks before school started. I was so hurt that nobody could see me, Jiraiya was so broken, he and his wife granny Tsunade were visiting me every day at the hospital, but I wasn’t waking up. The doctors told them that there was almost no chance for me to wake up from the coma. I couldn’t stand there and watch them any more so I decided to look around town and clear my thoughts. I was on the street at the time and I noticed that the kids were looking at me. I went to the park and realized that children could see me.
-          How is that possible?
-          I don’t know. I guess it’s something about their pure minds, they’re opened to anything so they can see ghosts and spirits.

Sasuke nodded. He would’ve never believed a word of this if it hadn’t happened to him.

-          I started talking to them and playing around. Their parents didn’t seem to care, they simply thought that kids were playing games with imaginary friends. That’s when I met this little boy, Konohamaru. And he introduced me to two little girls. It was at the same park. One of them was different.

Sasuke’s heart raced. He felt it coming.

-          Her name was…
-          Kazumi.

Naruto looked at him, lowering his body so his feet touched the floor. He nodded as Sasuke grabbed his chest.

-          She told me that she was the same as me, but not quite the same. She told me about how she and her mom weren’t able to move on and that they had died a long time ago.

Sasuke’s eyes were filled with tears. The soaring pain in his chest was devouring him as he continued to listen to Naruto’s story.

-          Then she told me about her big brother, Sasuke, who loved them so much and who wasn’t able to let go of them. She said she loved him so much but that she couldn’t reach him. You know, spirits need to move on, and even though she was happy with her friends here she was pained to remain in this world. And she was even more pained to see her big brother hurt himself so much. She was so adorable then, I wished I had a little sister who would love me so deeply as she loved her brother.

He sat next to Sasuke. His body made no sound and no wrinkles on the bed. Naruto raised his hand and tried to wipe a tear on Sasuke’s cheek. Sasuke imagined what his touch would feel like, but he couldn’t sense it.

-          That’s when I decided to see that brother of hers. She took me to your house that day, and showed me her two brothers. The older one, Itachi, who was so swallowed up in his work, his only way out being his love for his girlfriend and his younger brother. He had let them go. But the younger one… She showed me this amazing boy, who was lighting a candle for her and her mother every day, who sat in front of their framed pictures for hours on end and who wouldn’t, no, couldn’t let them go.

Sasuke yelped as he turned to look at his mother’s picture, with a round belly and a small ultra-sound picture of a baby. He couldn’t stop shaking.

-          I continued to see her and her alive friends and then one day decided to visit my school. It was the first day after the vacations, and I was feeling free to roam at any part of the town I wanted. I went to my friends, but none of them could see me. I waited in front of Sakura’s house, we had a custom to go to school together since we were kids. Neither she, nor my other friends could see me, not even sense me. I saw their sad faces as they talked about my accident, and heard Sakura’s broken voice as she said that she’d been at the hospital to see me. They were all standing in the school yard at the time and I decided I wanted to do something to make them smile. You see, I’m a prankster, so I wanted to show them that I was still with them. That’s how I came up with the revolving door thing. They were all looking in wonderment, Kiba even made a comment that it was something that I would do. And the next thing I knew, this dark-haired kid ruined my prank. I was disappointed, I wanted to make them laugh like before. At the same time I wanted to haunt the ass of the boy who ruined my prank, even though I had no idea how to do it. But then he spoke to me, and I was so happy. He could see me. It was you.

Sasuke gasped, wiping his face, remembering his first encounter with the blond.

-          I can’t even explain how happy I was that someone could finally see me. But you were so cold and reserved, before I had the time to think, you were gone. While looking at you walking away, I realized that you were Kazumi’s brother.

A sharp pain shot through Sasuke’s chest as Naruto mentioned the name of his unborn sister.

-          I decided that I wasn’t gonna let this slide. I had a chance to do something, so I followed you to class and to lunch. That’s when we started to talk, and you know the rest.

He took a deep breath, looking right into Sasuke’s dark eyes, waiting for a response. But he didn’t get one.

-          I didn’t expect to get so attached to you. But you were so refreshingly different than those kids, you almost made me forget I was a ghost. Even though I had to come back to the hospital every night, to check up on my body and my grandparents, that became the best part of my day. And then I fell for you.

Sasuke’s eyes widened in surprise.

-          You… Fell for me?
-          Yeah. – Naruto laughed timidly. – I couldn’t believe it myself. It’s so funny when you look at it, a ghost boy falling in love with the only boy who could see him. I thought I could never tell you about it. Until one day you ran off suddenly and that night, you summoned me to your dream.

Sasuke felt blush forming on his cheeks. He summoned Naruto to his dream? So, it was real?

-          Now that I knew that you felt the same, I wanted to do something. But I couldn’t. You closed on me, and then my state worsened.
-          What do you mean?
-          All those times that I wasn’t there… I was being forced back to my body. This last one was very painful, let just put it that way.
-          Forced?
-          Mhm. I had to go back to my body that Thursday since I can’t stay away from it for too long, but that weekend I crashed and they had to revive me. I lost my consciousness then and when I finally woke up, I was still a ghost. My body was still alive, but my state worsened, and the doctors said I couldn’t breathe on my own from then. So they plugged me to some apparatus. I was barely able to force myself leave the hospital room. I was bound to my body, when I heard your scream.

Sasuke remembered his yelling in the bathroom. He had that much effect on Naruto?

- I could sense something was wrong. And before I knew it, I was here, looking at you cutting. I didn’t know how I could explain myself if I showed up like that, but I had to stop you. So I decided to tell you the truth instead.

He traced his finger over Sasuke’s exposed scar. The only thing Sasuke felt was some sort of warmth on the place he touched, but not his flesh. Well, technically, he didn’t have it.

-          I realized it was better to tell you, than let you hurt yourself more. Especially when I found out it was my fault…
-          It wasn’t your fault!
-          It was.
-          No, it wasn’t! I’m such an idiot, I blamed you when you weren’t at fault for anything. I didn’t know… I didn’t know anything then, I let my fears take over me, I was weak! I am so weak when you’re not around me… - his voice turned to a whisper as he finished his sentence.

Naruto smiled.

-          I really want to be there for you Sasuke. But I don’t know if I’ll always be able to. You have to be your own strength. I can just help you along the way.
-          I know. I know that now. I wish I could hold you right now. I was being so selfish, not once have I thought about your feelings. I’m such a horrible person.
-          You’re not. Or else I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. – Naruto smiled.
-          Thank you Naruto…

A/N: Aaaand, a cliffhanger! Sooo, how did you like it? It's waaay better than the previous one, right? I hope that all that happened here makes up for the crappiness before. I don't know when I'll update again, I have only 3 days left until my exam, so expect it to be during next week. Or maybe sooner, if my muse decided to play with my mind some more. Most of the stuff in this chapter I didn't plan on happening so soon, or happening at all. Kazumi meeting Naruto was totally coincidence, but I think it gives it a nice angsy touch. I managed to incorporate so many parts to this one chapter, when I look at it now, I think we're at the middle of the story right now. Bare with me and I will deliver! :D
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See Me, Feel Me, Remember Me