Adult-FanFiction.org : Naruto

Love and Hate	By : FireSnake Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Naruto/Sasuke Views: 1269 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto and I make no money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
I would like to take a moment to thank all of my reviewers. I've read all of them over and over as motivation to get each chapter out. I love reading what each of you think is coming next in the story and how much you are enjoying reading it. This fic has the most reviews I've ever gotten, and I can't be more excited about it. I did have a heart pounding moment when one of my reviews made a guess about my ending that was very close to what I have planned. I want it to be a surprise, but I love that my readers might be picking up on my foreshadowing (such as it is). Thanks again everyone for letting me know that you like the story.

Chapter 5

The punch didn’t take him by surprise and neither did the power behind it. Sasuke woke up with a hazy view of the slightly red tinted blue sky and one hell of an ache in his jaw. He sat up to find Naruto bent over the sand, hands digging in like he did when he was about to transform, but as fast as the chakra could flare from Naruto’s body it was sucked into the orb and filtered out into the barrier sphere. He could see the red swirl like oil on the surface of water throughout the dome over their heads. The more that seemed to be pulled from Naruto the more he seemed to produce, and Sasuke knew that the balance would be tipped soon which would be dangerous for Naruto. If he didn’t stop the increase, the backlash would tear Naruto apart and just the thought of that was unbearable. He crawled to Naruto where he crouched unseeing through the imagined pain and reached out to touch his face.

ooOOoo

Naruto couldn’t see or hear anything. He’d been through this transition so many times that he was able to block it out while it was happening so the pain wouldn’t tear his mind apart, but something was different, something was wrong. He felt the cool touch of Sasuke’s hand on his face and it didn’t hurt. It wasn’t hurting Sasuke either because he wasn’t flinching or pulling away, and that was impossible. The Kyuubi’s chakra was so powerful that even without direction or focus it could burn and destroy. He let himself come a little out of hiding and realized that where there was usually pain, there was none. He pulled all the way out and looked into soft eyes that he wanted so badly to trust right then, but Shikamaru’s words kept rolling around in his head. He let himself be comforted for the moment though. He was too exhausted to fight it anyway.

Sasuke slowly, as if approaching an injured animal, took Naruto in his arms and carried him back to their rooms. Naruto clung to him, shivering in mild shock. The anger had passed so quickly he could scarcely believe it, but all that was left was self doubt and misery. It wasn’t something he was used too, being helpless, and he wasn’t able to process it the way he’d processed difficult scenarios as Hokage. This was on a completely different level. He just couldn’t think about it without reverting to the why’s instead of the how’s of his captivity. Sasuke wanted him and had proven it beyond a shadow of a doubt when he put his well thought out plan into action.

It was too much to think about. Shikamaru had never been optimistic. He had to know this was hopeless, but he was adamant that Naruto look for a way out. Naruto’s mind continued to bounce back and forth between depression and denial. Both mentally and physically exhausted, Naruto fell into a deep sleep that would last for many hours while getting no real rest.

ooOOoo

Naruto sat in the main room on the floor reading through scrolls on mid level healing jutsu that he’d never seen before, and tried to stay focused on what the words were saying instead of thinking of questions he’d like Sasuke to answer. His captor had taken to spending most of his day in the rooms with Naruto. He left for a few hours after breakfast, and a few hours after lunch, but always returned to spend time talking and encouraging Naruto to open up. It was a waste of time though. Naruto could hardly fake a smile anymore much less conversation. It was too tiring to even try so he just kept reading like he did every day for the last month, and ignored the tension he could feel building around them.

The library was completely open to him. Sasuke had told him it was his hope that with all that Naruto could learn here, he would see how much better life could be without Konoha. The bastard was hoping that he would brainwash himself into slavery with the enticement of cutting edge jutsu and the possibility of having his chakra back. What he didn’t realize was that if he ever freed Naruto’s chakra, there would be nothing stopping him from going home. The research had started as a way to pass the endless hours in captivity, but it had subconsciously become a witch hunt for clues about the orb. The only problem was that there wasn’t that much information about it, and it made most of what he learned depressing instead of exciting.

He’d gone over and over in his head what Shikamaru had said to him, but it was starting to get all jumbled in his head. Was there any way out of this that wouldn’t destroy both of them? He couldn’t stand the thought of staying, but the thought of leaving was just as tormenting. Maybe what he felt for Sasuke really was irrational. Maybe he’d be better off just letting the other man take the decision out of his hands. It was the only way to escape making a decision, and every day that passed he was surer that he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to leave… he didn’t want to say. He loved Sasuke… he loved Konoha.

The tears came then, just like they did every day, and every day Sasuke would hold him. It was the only time they touched now. It was all Naruto could handle giving him. His body felt so heavy, and it seemed to get worse as the days wore on. The walls were closing in on him and he felt detached from his own body. All of his emotions were separate from him, like he knew they were his emotions, but he couldn’t feel them right or even at all sometimes. The tears seemed to be a physical reaction instead of an emotional one. He couldn’t even remember why he was crying in the first place. Was it hopelessness, or was it stress? Maybe it was both or neither. His thoughts were nothing more than strings of words floating around in his head as the minutes stretched into hours.

ooOOoo

Waking up in the dark was always disorienting. Naruto could see the outline of the room, but nothing more. He couldn’t remember how long he’d been in these rooms anymore. His life was like a dream he couldn’t wake up from. Sasuke wasn’t there. They’d had a fight. He couldn’t understand why Naruto was so depressed. There was no way to fix it and it was obviously making Sasuke doubt himself. He’d screamed and thrown things. It was an overly emotional rant that went on for a long time before he realized that nothing he’d said or done had made even the slightest impression on Naruto. He’d left then, slamming the door on his way out and not come back. That was ages ago. It could have been years for all Naruto knew, but he had a feeling it hadn’t been more than a week or two.

His dinner was cold on the table. Rice and fish, the usual dinner for Thursday night so he assumed that was the day, but how many Thursday’s had passed he couldn’t remember. He ate a little before realizing he hadn’t been hungry in the first place. The lights were all still off, and that was normal for him now. What use were lights when they only reminded him of where he was. The dark was better. He’d been thinking that for a while now. He sat at the table staring at food he wouldn’t eat for a long time. He turned his head slowly at a muffled echo that signaled the start of the day outside. That was always how it started, small sounds from all around that had no real form and could have been made by anything. It would be hours yet before Karen brought him his next meal.

Suddenly he was restless, and that was new since he’d barely moved or even wanted to for what seemed like his whole life now. He stood and walked around a bit feeling the blood pumping from his chest out to the rest of his body. He remembered a time when that was a good feeling, but not now.

But maybe he was wrong about that. He caught the slight glint of the swords resting there on their stand. Maybe he did feel better. Maybe he could even feel good or bad or something, since something was better than nothing. Yes, something was better than nothing and his feet seemed to force him forward. The small blade seemed heavy in his hands like he hadn’t held anything in a long time. The sheath was lying on the floor, and his memory of how it got there was gone. He looked down to see he was naked. How he hadn’t noticed before was a mystery, but there he was, nude holding a sword up to his face hoping for something.

He looked down again and the sword was deep in his chest. His knees hit the floor, and he felt the metal shift inside him before the world went black.

ooOOoo

He woke up to Karen screaming and screeching at him. She had blood all over her and the angle was funny since Naruto had never looked up at her like this before. She was shorter than him, but more than that, he never let her close enough to gain such an advantage even when he was sitting down. He could see the short sword in her hand, and then it hit him. The pain came all at once, and it was euphoric. He could feel the pain, and he wanted to cry. Not from the pain like anyone might think, but from sheer joy over actually having a feeling of any kind other than apathy. He took a deep breath and the pain multiplied exponentially. Just before he passed out he felt himself smile, and saw the look of terrified curiosity on Karen’s face, and was a little disappointed that he couldn’t laugh before the world narrowed to a pinpoint and blinked out again.

ooOOoo

Naruto woke up this time in bed. He wasn’t in their rooms anymore. The bed was small and he was hooked up to several monitors that made noises that proved he was alive. It was the only proof he had at the moment since he was back to feeling numb. Sasuke was there sitting in a chair beside him with his head lying beside Naruto’s leg. One hand was resting over his own and the other was lying on his knee. He gently pulled his hand free and ran his fingers through Sasuke’s dark messy hair. The touch was gentle, but Sasuke was obviously not truly resting because he shot up and started checking Naruto over. He stopped suddenly when their eyes met and froze as if he hadn’t planned for this moment and didn’t know what to do.

“Naruto…” Sasuke said in nothing more than a whisper. Naruto’s heart ached with the pain he heard in that one word. He’d never wanted to hurt Sasuke, he’d been hurt enough in his life, but he had and now he needed to make it better. He didn’t really know how but he wanted too. Seeing Sasuke like this, dark circles under his eyes and even more pale than he’d ever been, made him want to take him in his arms and hold him. It was a good impulse because when he reached out for Sasuke he came immediately into his arms, laying half on top of him and holding him so tight in the small hospital bed that he thought he might suffocate.

Suddenly the mood was different, the touches were different. Sasuke was pulling the blankets off him, not seeming to care if he got tangled in the wires that connected Naruto to the machines. His hands were everywhere all at once in a frenzy of motion as he pulled off his own clothes and Naruto’s. Dry lips found his and they were kissing almost violently, teeth clicking against each other less out of passion and more out of desperation. Naruto couldn’t keep his hands still, he was living in the moment and burning with so much emotion that he couldn’t say stop, didn’t want to anyway. He needed this as much as Sasuke, needed connection, human touch, no more than that… Sasuke’s touch.

There was a pause, and then Sasuke was gone from him sifting through the room, looking for something. He seemed to find it because he was back and pulling Naruto’s legs up, exposing him to the cold air. The light in the room was dim, but the position was still humiliating. It was forgotten the moment Sasuke’s fingers, wet and confident, found the place Naruto hadn’t even known he’d wanted touched. He needed this and hadn’t even known it. Two fingers pushed in all the way, it was fast and painful, but Naruto arched into it, physically asking for more as if it were the greatest pleasure.

It wasn’t enough and he could tell it wasn’t enough for Sasuke either. He was there leaning over, looking down to where his fingers were disappearing into Naruto. His breath was short and heavy like he’d just run for hours. His concentration was sharp and focused, and Naruto loved the look of it on his face. Sasuke’s eyes met his just as he felt those fingers pull out of him. There was movement and subtle shifts before he felt Sasuke push into him, never breaking eye contact. Sasuke didn’t make a sound, only letting his jaw fall slack as he pushed in all the way to the hilt. They stayed frozen like that for an immeasurable moment.

“I love you.” Naruto whispered, not knowing what he was saying until it was said. Sasuke cried out then and collapsed forward onto him. His knees dug into the thin mattress as he bucked into Naruto thrusting without thought. It was bordering on violent and oh so good. Naruto clung to him, pulling him in more. It was hard to tell how long they kept going, but Naruto knew it hadn’t been too long. He was hard, and he gasped with each withdrawal when the plains of Sasuke’s stomach pressed into his erection. He was so close, but he wanted to watch, wanted to see Sasuke’s face as he came. He knew it would be soon so he tugged on Sasuke’s hair pulling him up. Their eyes met and this time Naruto noticed the deep red in them instead of black and realized that Sasuke was memorizing the moment, marking every second to replay forever in his memory, and oh God how that made him feel.

He fell into his orgasm without even being fully aware of it, and Sasuke stopped moving completely. Every muscle in his body turned to stone, and he held Naruto’s eyes in his, captivated. Each pulse, each gasp, each spasm immortalized in his mind. When Naruto collapsed in exhaustion Sasuke relaxed just slightly and pushed himself all the way into Naruto. He cried out Naruto’s name and shook, his hips pressed so hard into Naruto his hip bones would surely leave bruises. Naruto reached up and ran his fingers along Sasuke’s cheek, and smiled when he felt Sasuke lean into the touch. His eyes were closed now, and slowly he was relaxing. He laid down on Naruto then and breathed out a long sigh that could only be considered content. His hands were warm against Naruto’s sweat cooled skin, and his heart beat was hard enough to feel through his chest. Naruto focused on the steady drop of his heart rate and enjoyed the quiet moment of euphoria between them.

ooOOoo

It took a while for Naruto to notice that Sasuke had fallen asleep. He was heavy laying on his chest, so he shifted just a bit and slid Sasuke onto his shoulder. He wasn’t tired at all, and the pain of their coupling added to his injury was starting to break through the haze of pleasure. It wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought it should be, and the wound in his chest was closed completely with only a small scar where he knew the sword had gone in. He wasn’t healed so much that it didn’t hurt though which was a clear sign to him that he was able to use his chakra again. The orb was in the corner of the room just as it had been with him since he’d woken up that first time, but he could feel something was different.

Time passed, and a nurse came in to check him. He didn’t recognize her, but he could tell she knew Sasuke. She blushed blotchy red patches all over her face and neck as she covered them both with the blankets and took his vitals, working her way around Sasuke for blood pressure and temperature. He was glad that Sasuke’s leg was covering him enough before she came in that she didn’t get a full view, and she was kind enough to keep her eyes on his face for the most part. She checked his stats and wrote some things down on her clipboard. She smiled at him and whispered questions about how he felt, pain level and other probably important questions about his state of mind which he didn’t want to answer right then. She steered clear of any questions that had to do with physical activity since it was more than obvious that he was capable of it. She handed him a box of tissues, a package of wet wipes, and placed a cup of ice water on the table next to him before she left with the reassurance that his meal would be held until he was ‘ready’.

Sasuke stopped faking sleep then, and pulled the blanket back to get up. He helped Naruto clean up and redress. He disappeared into the bathroom then, and Naruto listened to the water through the wall as Sasuke showered. He came out looking chagrin, but still smiled for Naruto when their eyes met. He looked like he was vacillating between happy and unsure, but Naruto was back to numb again so he had nothing even remotely like reassurance to offer. His stomach decided to make itself known then by grumbling loudly in the silence of the room, and Sasuke nodded to himself before leaving the room.

He came back quickly with a tray of food that smelled promising, but looked questionable. It ended up being half way decent, and Naruto ate with as much enthusiasm as he could, hoping to relieve some of the anxiety he could see in Sasuke’s expression.

“I talked with the Kyuubi while you were healing.”

The statement took Naruto by surprise. He had forgotten that Sasuke could do that since he was the only one that could, and it had only happened that one time.

“We talked about you… why you did this to yourself and some other things that I wasn’t able to see or understand since you’ve been here.” There was a long pause as if he was trying to think of how to say what he wanted to say, but Naruto couldn’t imagine any of it was that uncomfortable to discuss. After all, they’d just had sex in his hospital bed, but maybe that was the intensity of the situation finding an outlet. He didn’t get a chance to think more on it since Sasuke started explaining. “He said you are a child of the Sun. I don’t know exactly what that means since it came from a demon. It could have been literal or his own interpretation of your personality. I didn’t ask. He did tell me that the main cause of your spiraling depression was from sun deprivation. I’ve made arrangements for you to spend time outside every day now. He was content that this would help with your depression.

“We also discussed the orb. Obviously he’s not happy about it, but I’ve made some compromises that he was amenable to. You are now able to draw healing Chakra from him when you need it. The orb will also notify me when you do. That way I can be there to help you. I didn’t realize how much of him is actually a part of you now. I didn’t know you had merged. I hadn’t anticipated it when I set up the orb and that was a mistake. I set it up to pull all the demon chakra from you and only most of your own not knowing that they were tied together. The orb was weakening your life force and causing the emotional separation you were suffering from. With your chakra tied into his again, you will feel more like yourself. He told me you weren’t really trying to kill yourself… he said you were just trying to feel something.

“I can’t lose you. If something like this happens again you need to tell me. You nearly died. Karen found you in time, but it could have been so much worse.”

It was such a small amount of information, but it made so much sense. He’d missed the Sun so much since that first day, and he could seen now how it had affected him each day worse and worse the longer he was without it. The emotional separation was worse, and so clear to him, but he’d thought it was caused by the depression. It all made sense accept one small detail. He was a prisoner, to the man he’d loved his whole life no less, and he’d lost everything else that he’d ever loved. That alone should be depressing, it was depressing. Sasuke couldn’t fix it all, but maybe it could get better.

He smiled then, and realized that it wasn’t fake. He really was more connected to himself again. It was still tenuous and would be difficult to get used since being numb seemed to be a good way to hide, but he felt more whole. That in itself was enough to make him optimistic.

“So when can I go outside?” Naruto asked with a small smile on his face.

The smile he got back was Sasuke’s typical reserved smile, but to Naruto it was brilliant.

I know that Naruto seems to be going back and forth, and seems a little flaky. I promise there's a reason for it, and it will make sense soon. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

On a side note, I'm writing this with some knowledge of psychology. Naruto is going through a process that is very common in this type of situation.
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Love and Hate