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Icha Icha Man of Mystery	By : Araneola Category: Naruto > Het - Male/Female Views: 1432 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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Kakashi had desperately tried to find Jiraiya so he could
give him the classic �Thousand Years of Pain�, but for a week he could find no
trace. No frantic shouts from the women�s baths, no creepy old man laughter, no
angry �Pervert!� shouts. The Sannin was either out of the country or avoiding
him. Possibly both. With his absence came Kakashi�s peace of mind however, and
he wound up enjoying his Jiraiya-free brain all week. It was a bar-free,
Ino-free, Sakura-free week� but good nonetheless.

Kakashi was slipping through the afternoon shadows when he
saw his main targets to avoid. It appeared as though Sakura and Ino were out on
their lunch break, going to the nearest caf� to grab a bite to eat and, knowing
Ino, to catch up on the latest gossip that couldn�t be shared during work
hours. They were completely oblivious, and Kakashi couldn�t help but to sneak
someplace closer and eavesdrop. A chibi inner-Kakashi voice in his head
mentioned something about becoming like Jiraiya with his peeping tendencies,
but he dismissed the voice with a toss of his silver hair. This was important. He
needed to know if it would ever be safe to go into a bar again.

�It feels so good to be outside and not be doing paper work
in that dark little office!� Ino stretched her arms and smiled happily, glad
for their break from the dredges of the hospital records room.

�Mmm� I�m just glad that the hospital is so slow that
Tsunade gave us the rest of the day off.� Sakura had practically flopped down
into her chair, while releasing the pins holding her cap on. �I am going to
take the longest bubble bath in history tonight.�

�Bah, you�ll get so pruny, Forehead, that even Lee won�t
want to come near you! Come out with me to the bar tonight instead!� Ino had
that look in her eyes again. Determined, shiny, and filled with a desire for
drunken revelry. �Come on! It�ll be fun! You never go out with me anymore! You
need to loosen up!�

Ino was now pouting at her, and Sakura was glad that the
waiter came to distract her for a moment. She needed time for an excuse. What
could she use this time? Lee was away training with his sensei, she didn�t have
overtime work to do, and everyone else she knew would probably be at the bar
anyway. She ordered her food, and as the waiter walked away she turned to face
the almighty peer pressure that was her best friend Ino.

�I really just wanted to relax tonight, Ino. Take a nice hot
bath, catch up on my TV drama, and go to bed for once. I could use a little
break from all the action around this town.�

�Lee-kun keeping you up all night Forehead?� Ino
winked and grinned wickedly at her best friend. Sakura had just given up a few
weeks ago on avoiding the obsessed fan boy. The green leotard prot�g� could be
seen entering and exiting Sakura�s apartment building with his youthful grace
whenever she wasn�t working a night shift or had work to do for Tsunade.

Ino had a wadded straw wrapper promptly thrown at her face.
�It�s not like that and you know it Ino-pig. I come home and he cooks dinner.
We attempt to watch a movie. He yells something about needing to train with
Gai-sensei to maintain his youthful passion halfway through the best part, or
something else absurd like that. And then he leaps and bounds out of the
apartment building and throws hearts from his eyes at me.� Sakura resisted the
urge to roll her eyes. She either felt guilty for ignoring him or using him for
his cooking skills. He really was a nice guy, and at the end of a hard day
there was not a greater comfort than coming home and not having to worry about
cooking or anything. He took care of her, but he was still a tad bit
disturbing.

�Bah, Sakura! A woman has other needs! You�re never going to
get any action if things continue like that!� Ino had pointed a manicured nail
in Sakura�s direction. �You have to be aggressive!� Ino practically growled
through her G�s.

Sakura fully expected this reaction and batted Ino�s hand
away from her face. Kakashi was having a fit of giggles behind the corner,
obviously delighting in the fact that Sakura had it much worse than he did when
it came to dealing with the sex fiend. Their conversation did, however,
enlighten him to the relationship status of his former student. Or perhaps
non-relationship status? Since it involved his self-proclaimed eternal rival�s
student, there was a likely chance that it was very complicated.

�Not everything is about sex, Ino. That green leotard has
probably made him asexual anyway.� Sakura gave a dissatisfied huff. She wasn�t
about to admit to Ino that she needed a sexual relationship as well as one like
the close, caring one she shared with Lee. She also wasn�t about to go tramping
around Konoha like Ino either, though. The last time Ino lacked a little male
attention she got up and sang �I Can�t Get No Satisfaction� at karaoke night
and wound up surrounded by at least ten men all eager to try and �satisfy� her
needs. Sakura loved her best friend, but she was more than a little unnerved by
all that sexual hunger. One man at a time was more than enough for her.

�I don�t know about that, Sakura. I mean, Gai has probably
been wearing his green jumpsuit since he came out of the womb and he was
absolutely wild in bed. They don�t call him the Green Beast for nothing.�
Sakura could tell Ino was getting herself riled up already. Ino sent a wink her
way as the waiter came back around with their food.

�I don�t ever, ever, want to hear that come out of
your mouth again. It was bad enough the first time around when you told me all
the gory details.� Sakura looked down at her food, despairing a bit at her
sudden lack of appetite. Kakashi was currently hitting his head against the
wall to erase the images.

�OH!� Ino�s eyes lit up. �Speaking of Gai��

Kakashi tuned her out and continued to bash his head against
the wall. It did little to help the images of Gai leaping and dancing around in
his head though. Did he really need to be reminded of that little fact about
Ino�s sex life? It only led to other nightmarish thoughts. Like her to-do list.
There were so many men on that list and yet she was bragging to her best friend
about how good Gai was! Could the Green Beast really be that good? Certainly
not better than him? Certainly not. They couldn�t be rivals in this
department, Kakashi refused to believe it.

Maybe he really would have to sleep with Ino and clue her
into his reputation. Not like he needed another woman bragging about his
prowess over a woman�s body. Gai might be a beast, but Kakashi was the bomb.

�NO.� Kakashi was startled out of his sexual, egotistical
delusions by Sakura�s sudden outburst. She looked a little horrified, and yet�
it seemed as though she was held captive by a certain morbid curiosity. This
had to be good. Sakura just continued to stare disbelieving at Ino, mouth
agape.

It couldn�t possibly be true.

�Come with me to the bar tonight and see for yourself then,
Forehead.� Ino smirked a little knowing undoubtedly that she had a drinking
buddy tonight.

As much as Sakura didn�t want to go and get trashed with
Ino, this really had to be verified. She really didn�t have anything better to
be doing anyway, and so Sakura gave into Ino�s request. �Alright, Ino, I�ll
come with you to the bar tonight. This better be good.�

The girls settled back into their meal and Kakashi began to
wander away from the little caf�. What was it about Gai that Sakura needed
proof in order to believe it? As much as he wanted as little to do with Gai as
possible, the same curiosity took over Kakashi as it did Sakura. If this was a
must-see, then it was definitely the perfect excuse to go to the bar tonight.

I would have to agree with you, my number one fan.

Jiraiya was back. And not only was he back inside of
Kakashi�s head, he had also found Kakashi on the street and slung a friendly
arm around his shoulders. Jiraiya, for one, was in a good mood. Kakashi, on the
other hand, just narrowed his eyes at the Sannin.

Jiraiya had quickly observed the black aura flaring off of
Kakashi, but he had what he needed to protect him from the Copy Nin�s wrath.

�Fresh off the presses, my research assistant, as promised.�
Jiraiya held out the arm that wasn�t around Kakashi�s shoulders, and in his
grasp was a neon pink book. It took all of two microseconds for Kakashi to
figure out what it was and use his ninja skills to swipe the book from
Jiraiya�s hands and start to giggle as he looked over the cover. It was a
horrid shade of pink, but that hardly mattered. The usual orange was just as
loud. �Icha, Icha Romance� was scrawled across the top. Underneath that was a
picture of a lusty woman gazing after a man hidden in the shadows. �Book One:
The Man of Mystery� was all that was left to read on the front cover. Kakashi
wasted no time in flipping to the first page eagerly and walking towards his
favorite spot to read, a tree in the training grounds.

Jiraiya called after his retreating form, �Hope ya like it!
Books hit the stores in a few hours! I�ll see you at the bar to celebrate my
success!� and relish in the sweet delights of my fangirls! Kakashi gave
no sign of hearing what the Sannin had said and continued to walk down the road
with his nose deeply buried in the book.

Jiraiya started off in the direction of the book store,
doing a creepy, perverted old man dance the whole way and giggling about
fangirls to himself.
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Icha Icha Man of Mystery