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Jiraiya Does Konoha [NEW Chapter By DeathJunkE]	By : manicandyshumway Category: Naruto > General Views: 8627 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
Title: Get Drunk With a Friend Night
Author: DeathJunkE
Pairing: Jiraiya/Deidara
Warnings: Yaoi, HJ, Oral, Voy

Spoilers for Shippuuden character death

Let us begin...

Jiraiya rolled his shoulders back and sighed, this week was ridiculous; a dead line for a book and a mission report. It was so taxing! Right about now a drink was the best remedy. He looked around the bar that he had just entered. His luck was incredible today. A room full of men and no one was near that pretty little blonde at the counter. With a smirk he strode over to the counter still not believing his fortune.

With a smile he sat besides the woman at the bar. "Hey there," the bar tender nodded in response, "Can I get a mug of today's brew and a drink for the lady!" Jiraiya ignored the other man's wry smile.

Both drinks were delivered and the sanin grinned when he saw a tanned hand with purple polished nails reach for the mug and down it in four gulps. "Thanks, un. I needed that... but for recorded I'm a man. I�ve got a dick and all that." The blonde leaned back to reveal his flat torso and gripped his crotch.

"Ah. My bad. Well even if you aren't female I guess I can drink with you, I'm Jirai-" giving his real name would cause problems if he met this guy out of the bar. "Jirai Akumo, and you?"

"Names Deidara." one blue eye raked over Jiraiya. "What's an ol' man like you doin' at a bar like this, un?"

"Drowning out a shitty week with a few drinks. Maybe I can get some inspiration as well." the toad hermit beckoned the bartender for another drink. "And you?"

"My partner died."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Don't be, he was an ass hole. Always complaining to me: Deidara you fool! Deidara you take so long. Stop making me wait! Deidara you fucking moron!" the blonde leaded on the table his head cradled in the crook of his arm.

This was rather interesting, usually people didn't mourn for those they didn't like. "So why are you here if you didn't like him?"

"He was an artist. Everything he did could be considered beauty. He was even handsome himself. Only person I could argue about art with, you know."

"Ah, I see. What kind of art did he do?"

"The weirdest and most haunting puppets, puppets that last for eons. Hardly interesting art."

Jiraiya�s focus was on the door where a group of women entered before fanning out through out the bar. "What would make you say that? All art should catch the eye and heart and maybe the loins on occasion."

�Ah. I see what you mean!� Deidara grinned widely before gulping down a shot of whisky. As the time they spent increased so did the amount of empty cups and shot glasses.

�Oi�Deee-Frah!�

�Snot� �snot� iz snot my name! Name iz Deh-Dar-Rah Hinoi! Not Deee-!�

All in all it was safe to say they were both thoroughly toasted, smashed, trashed, boozed, inebriated, intoxicated- well just plain drunk. The blonde was having a hard time staying upright on his stool. So he did the only logical thing and leaned on his drinking partner as he knocked back his next shot. The blonde ran his fingers through his bangs, pushing them away from his face revealing his scope. The scope began whirring and clicking as it extended. �Oi.�

�Wud?� Jiraiya watched a sinister grin appear on the pseudo-girl�s face and the singular gray blue eye become a silt as a chuckle escaped the blonde�s throat. �Eh? Wuds �appenin?�

�Looka gingie ova dere!� Jiraiya followed the direction Deidara was looking until he saw an insanely red headed woman with freckles and an obscenely low cut dress. �She�s got tit �rum here to kona-na-ha! BUT seez a� a� t-tramp!�

�Nah� She nice! Juzz niiicccce-�

�Enough to open �er leg fah alf da bar!� Deidara�s nose wrinkled as he knocked back another whisky. �Great bod nee-way.�

The hermit knocked his comrade with his elbow before motioning to the woman on the other side of the bar sharing a booth with a huge muscular man. �She- she�s� size queen.�

Once again the scope clicked and whirred until deidara�s low (an d surprisingly masculine) laugh was heard. �sheez gunna be pissssssssssssed aff-off! �s like a catt-pilla with more �air! Little dick!�

�Pity sex?�

�Nah! Like this� the distance between finger and thumb was a little less than three inches.

�Ow�d juu know?�

The Iwa-nin clutched his scope and tugged on it. Realizing that he hadn�t unfastened it he then reached back behind his ear and unsnapped it. ��ere put a lil chak�a in it!�

Doing as told Jiraiya forced a fair amount of chakra into the metal. The old letch grinned uncontrollably as he received a new out look on the world, a very naked detailed world. �Beautiful!� lust practically oozed from the old hermit as he used the scope to peer across into the restroom where the red head and a waitress decided to get to do < I>Icha Icha this!< I/> and < I>Icha Icha that! �I have my inspiration!�

�Dana show�d me to make id. The mishanikz (mechanics) wah �ard.� Twin orb of blue peered out across the bar. �Good fah pervin, an missions� When Deidara got no response, he glanced up at his companion. �Hey! I�m, talkin� tah yah!� The change of focus pissed off the blond, this was �get smashed with a friend night�. So in his completely wiped out mind he formulated a plan�. Or something as close to a plan as one could come up with when completely trashed.

�I think I have be come inspi-� Jiraiya�s focus switched automatically to the hand that was shoved down his pants with out a second thought. The thin fingers gripped his erection firmly. Jiraiya�s attention was effectively redirected to the blonde. He shuttered, his mind blanking out for the second it took to register what exactly was going on. After a brief moment he found it him himself to indignantly protest, �OI! HE-Woooo.�

In all his fifty years�. never had Jiraiya experienced something like this. This- this- this� Phenomenon was incredible! A blow-job/hand-job combo that would bring even the most sexually ridged invalid to Nirvana. The blonde�s steady grasp and rough jerks sated the need for friction while what felt like a tongue warmed and swirled around his penis. The combination of slick heat and rough cool fingers made the man shudder. The old man panted and whimpered as the fingers unraveled from his organ seeming to neglect it momentarily. Now that the second mouth�s tongue had more room to fulfill its duty. The moist muscle moved from base to tip with firm licks and soft kisses that were preceded by the occasional nip. The cooling trails tingled once abandoned by their creator.

Jiraiya�s breaths became short, strained and erratic as the hermit rasped out his pleasure. �GOD!�

�No! M�names Deidara!� Apparently the blonde no longer knew what his hand or other mouth was doing. Because his attention was quickly diverted to what was going on at the end of the bar.

Mean while in Jiraiya�s pants the tongue slipped over the mushroom top of the staff. The mouth opened wide and swallowed the entire organ with ease. The suction was intense, never letting up as the hand caressed and squeezed his sack.

�God! God! God! God!� Jiraiya�s head was thrown back with the force of his orgasm. Every drink behind him soaked his hair but he could care less as the spasms shook him like an earthquake. The planets imploded with crazy force behind his eyelids as he experienced euphoria meant only for gods. Wish a silent scream the old man came and came hard. He could only stare at this wonderfully gifted she-male.

�Now that I gots your attention�� Deidara withdrew his hand and took another gulp of amber liquid. �Sho what kind of art do you do?� gray blue eyes focused solely on the white haired letch. Who once again wasn�t paying any attention to him. �Oi! Oi! DON�T MAKE DO THAT AGAIN! HEY! PAY ATTENTION TO ME!�

END

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Jiraiya Does Konoha [NEW Chapter By DeathJunkE]