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Break to Breathe	By : Okami-Rayne Category: Naruto > Yaoi - Male/Male > Shikamaru/Neji Views: 1959 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: NARUTO and its respective characters were created and are owned by Masashi Kishimoto. No copyright infringement intended. I make no money from this story.

Chapter List
- 48
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- 50
BREAK TO BREATHE

by Okami Rayne

Chapter Forty Nine

[Dedicated to 3sa]

He sensed it before it happened.
Like a turn in the air before a storm.
He didn't expect a squeal, grunt and darting pig to follow. Neji halted as Tonton shot around the corner and straight past him, a vague, pink blur on his periphery.
What on earth?
The nerves at the base of his neck pricked.
He turned sharply.
Then thunder exploded in a sharp crack against his hitai-ate.
Fortunately, the metal took the impact. But while the collision didn't have Neji seeing stars, the sight of burnt sienna eyes cracking open set off a white-hot nova at the root of his spine. It scorched upwards and hit his eyes in a flash that dimmed but didn't chill.
A weak smirk hooked the corner of his mouth. "You're still racing a mile a minute, Shikamaru…"
Neji heard the shadow-nin's breath catch hard, then felt it fan across his mouth in a shaky chuckle that might have tasted bitter. The sound ruffled him, a sensation of feathers swirling and fluttering in his chest.
"Yeah," Shikamaru swallowed tightly, drawing his head back a fraction. "And you're still handing out concussions."
"Best to be predictable, I suppose."
Shikamaru hesitated at that, his lips tightening.
Their gazes fused into a stare of leashed intensity.
Neither backed off.
To an observer, the faceoff would have appeared predatory, but in the scant space between them there existed no aggression. There was only a skin-prickling tension and heightened sense of awareness. An awareness that fine-tuned Neji's body and mind into an instrument designed to detect and catalogue every subtle shift and signal.
Automatically, he raked his senses over Shikamaru.
This close, it was impossible not to pull in the Nara's scent.
Shikamaru smelt like tobacco and forest, with a hint of mint or menthol that must have been salve. Neji's eyes strayed to the gash on Shikamaru's cheekbone, where the barest sheen of a medicinal ointment highlighted the raw skin. That wasn't it. The scent of menthol came from higher, drawing Neji's gaze to the Nara's temples.
He's still getting those headaches…
The head-butt certainly wouldn't help.
Neji had to refrain from raising his hands to bracket the shadow-nin's head. After the damage his hands and touch had done to Shikamaru's body, it would not be welcome. He dropped his chin, glancing down through his lashes at the Nara's throat to spy the covered bruises cresting the rim of the Chūnin's turtleneck.
The chords in Shikamaru's throat tightened.
Neji frowned and dropped his eyes to Shikamaru's chest.
He traced his eyes over the dark cloth, trying to gauge by the Nara's breathing whether he was in pain. The fabric offered no answers, just a mesh of fibres that smelt of smoke.
Broken, but still breathing…
"You're alright?" Neji almost demanded, raising his chin without raising his eyes.
"Yeah." Shikamaru stepped back a pace, slotting his hands into his pockets with a faint shrug. "I'm fine."
While anyone else would have detected a total lack of concern in Shikamaru's voice, all Neji detected was a lack of conviction. The temptation to activate his dōjutsu had the skin at his temples tightening.
What good is looking under your skin, when I still can't get you out from under mine?
Neji's lips twitched weakly, his stare softening. His expression caused Shikamaru to tense in a barely discernable jolt, like someone catching themselves before a dangerous slip.
Gods, how many dangerous slips had led to this moment?
And how many moments would it take to slip into something dangerous all over again?
That cannot happen again.
And yet it was happening anyway. He could feel it, eating through him, gnawing around the edges of his calm and centred mask.
The tension between them thickened.
But something began to crack through it, the same thing breaking into both their expressions as their gazes held and their breathing began to deepen.
Then Tonton shot out from the sidelines.
She butted Shikamaru in the leg, knocking him off centre.
"God dammit!" the shadow-nin snarled as he almost crashed into the wall. He took a moment to pull in a breath, steady himself and then scowled down at the pig. "We're gonna have a violent disagreement in a minute."
Neji arched a brow. "I see your charming way with animals is still as natural as a reflex, Nara," Neji commented dryly, his eyes not matching his humour.
"Troublesome pig." Shikamaru's scowl deepened as he watched said pig inch back slowly, dragging her hooves in a distinctly bull-like fashion. "Tsunade-sama should just send a damn Genin or something."
Neji's eyes flared a little in surprise, but he quickly schooled his expression. "You've been summoned?"
Shikamaru kept his eyes averted. "Yeah."
Tonton grunted and stamped out a weird kind of frustrated tap-dance, then trotted off along the sidewalk. Shikamaru watched her with slit-eyed irritation. Neji didn't even deign her with a glance. He kept his gaze on the shadow-nin, his face a blank mask to disguise the treacherous emotion echoing through him in a resounding, bottomless ache.
"Where are you headed?" Shikamaru asked with a bored lack of interest, rolling his steps after the pig, his eyes shuttered and cast down.
Neji didn't answer.
He took a broad step away as Shikamaru strolled past him.
Then he turned to move in the same direction.

"Hanegakure."
Shikamaru felt his stomach drop as fast as his expression.
"Hanegakure?" He had to lock his knees to keep from falling back a step.
Beside him, Neji offered no reaction.
"That's right," Tsunade confirmed, scrawling her signature across one of the many scrolls spread across her desk, rolls of lengthy paper that spilled over the edges of the broad surface like thick streamers.
Shikamaru stared at her, his lips pursed tightly. Her reply wasn't the answer he was looking for, so he shot a sidelong glance at Neji, hoping for a clue.
Neji closed his eyes.
Dammit.
Shikamaru frowned, casting a wary glance back at Tsunade. "Why?"
"A Peace Treaty generally requires two signatures, Nara." Tsunade stretched across for the stamp block, her cleavage threatening to spill across the desk like one of her scrolls.
Shikamaru averted his eyes with a frown. "We have pigeon post for this kind of stuff."
"This is a Peace Treaty, Nara," Neji said, the deep calm in his voice matching his serene but closed expression. "Pigeon post is too impersonal."
Yeah, why change tactic now, considering the whole damned mission got way too personal.
Shikamaru let out a rough breath, cocking a hip in a slouch. He slid his gaze away across the room, watching the sunlight white-wash the village beyond the windows.
God, they'd just got back.
The thought of traipsing back to Hanegakure held about as much appeal as a brain haemorrhage. Add to that the high possibility that if Neji was going as well, a brain haemorrhage might be the least of his worries.
"Don't look so put-out, Nara." Tsunade finally located and snatched up the stamp block, shoving aside the mess it had been trapped under, raining gambling tickets across the floor. "I didn't call you here for that."
Which means…
Shikamaru's gaze snapped back to her, then cut across to Neji just as the Hokage waved a hand vaguely in the Hyūga's direction.
"Neji will be sent as Konoha's emissary." The words hit with the same impact as the stamp-block she smacked onto the scroll, legitimising the Treaty in a loud thud. "Select a Genin team, Hyūga," she added, fanning her hand above the wet ink. "They'll be going with you."
Shikamaru stared at the blood-red Konoha seal, his expression tightening. "So what do you need me to do?"
"Nothing."
Shikamaru blinked. "What?"
"You heard me." Tsunade appraised the document, rolled it, slotted it into a carrier and held it out to Neji, summoning him with a tip of her wrist.
The Jōnin took it without a word.
Shikamaru just stared, frowning.
Tsunade swayed forward, propped her elbows at the edge of her desk and slowly laced her fingers. "You're to do nothing, Shikamaru. I want you to take a break."
Shikamaru's brows shot up and a dry, dismissive snort punched out of him before he could contain it, a half-smirk teasing the corner of his mouth. "A break?"
Tsunade's lips curved. "I thought you'd be happy about that."
"Not when there's a catch."
"Well…" Tsunade smiled a little. "I think you've got enough on your head without additional missions for the time being."
The bemused look was wiped off Shikamaru's face by the undercurrents in her tone. He knew what she was referring to. That stupid bargain, which linked to that stupid booklet, which tied to that stupid business he had to make sure remained nobody else's business but his own.
Great.
He raised his fingertips to his brow and kneaded the knot of tension forming there; or maybe it was the big fat bruise Neji had stamped into his head. It probably looked like the Leaf emblem on the stupid scroll.
He heard Neji shift beside him.
He didn't look up, taking refuge behind his hand as he pressed his brow.
Tsunade watched with detached curiosity, her amber gaze swinging like a steady pendulum between him and Neji before settling on the door.
"That'll be all. You're both dismissed."

The cool breeze pushed gently at Shikamaru's back, caressing his nape like an icy kiss. He rolled his shoulders against the chill, slotting his hands deeper into his pockets as he and Neji descended the walkway from the Hokage's mansion.
It was torture.
They walked a few paces apart, close enough that if one spoke, the other wouldn't miss it. Neither had said a word. They'd exited several strides apart only to gravitate towards each other and stop at some halfway point, caught in a weird kind of orbit around the massive rock of tension standing between them.
Shit.
It seemed to grow with every step, layer upon layer of memories and unspoken words making it harder and crueller. It crushed and ground together all the emotions Neji had ever rattled loose inside of him and the dust settled like salt into the open wound his chest had become.
What the hell is it gonna take to make this go away?
Shikamaru kept his eyes cast down.
The leaves whispered over his feet and tumbled on ahead in a playful skitter across the paving. It didn't draw his gaze or his attention. Instead, he listened to the heavy scrape of his sandals. Neji barely made a sound, the scuff of his steps almost silent – meditative in a way. Slow. Steady. Not racing ahead.
Unlike Shikamaru's mind.
"When do you leave?" he asked, the words scraping out dry, like the leaves crackling ahead of them.
"Tomorrow morning."
"Got a team in mind?"
"Any team will do."
The stiff formality in Neji's tone mirrored itself in his bearing. The Hyūga's spine gave new definition to 'vertical' while his shoulders did an ace job on the horizontal front. He remained squared and stern, his jaw set, his gaze fixed ahead.
Focused, controlled, unapproachable.
Back to square one…
The bitter realisation struck Shikamaru like a kunai between the eyes. He knocked his head back as if hit, staring up at the clouds. A weak, humourless chuckle fluttered up his throat, snatched away by the wind.
Neji stopped walking.
Shikamaru slowed to a stop, bracing his hip against the railing leading down from the walkway as they reached the base of the incline. He kept his gaze on the pale wisps drifting overhead.
"I'll give your regards to Hibari," Neji said.
"Yeah…" Shikamaru crossed his ankles with a nonchalance he didn't feel as he leaned into the railing. "That kid will be happy to see you."
Neji blinked slowly, brushing his thumb across the scroll case. "From what I understand, she was rather attached to you by the end."
Shikamaru shifted at the awkward memory. "Yeah, literally attached."
The humour felt flat and forced. Shikamaru leaned further into the railing, making it look like a slouch. He pressed hard enough that his ribs throbbed warningly.
"If there are any relevant details I missed during my…" Neji paused, searching for an appropriate word, "…incapacitation…I trust I'll find them in the reports?"
"Yeah."
"Good."
"Right."
God, what the hell are we doing?
This whole situation was surreal. One massive smokescreen and failed attempt to reach back into the past and drag forward old ground rules of interaction. Too bad they'd broken every rule as well as each other. They were back to square one, but the board had changed. Shikamaru had no idea how to play this safe, let alone sane.
I don't think that I can…
He couldn't even find the strength to know where to start. It was uncharted terrain between them. But there were no landmines this time, just the painful pieces that had already been blown apart from the last reckless plunge into forbidden territory.
I don't know how to do this…
But Neji did.
The Jōnin turned his head, the barest tilt of his jaw. "This is as far as we go, Shikamaru."
And there it was, delivered in a tone as calm and cool as the breeze.
It left the shadow-nin numb.
He spent a moment digesting the meaning in those words, his eyes trained on some indistinguishable point in the distance. He should have guessed it would come to this. Hell, he'd been the one to cross the line two months ago – it made sense that Neji would be the one to draw it now.
Shikamaru nodded slowly and glanced back up at the sky.
"I know," he murmured.
He pinned his stare on the clouds, watching a cold current carry them beyond the village. A perfect illustration of what was playing out now. From this point on, his obligations as a shinobi would take him in one direction and Neji's desire to attain freedom would take him in another.
It was only the need that kept dragging them back.
"You break me apart…but you're all I can breathe…"
Shikamaru closed his eyes slowly, a deep line cutting into his brow. Then he smoothed out his expression, slipping his lashes open to their usual half-mast.
I know…
He watched the breeze break apart another cloud and waited for Neji to silently sweep away like one. It didn't happen for a long moment. But when it did, Shikamaru felt a part of himself break apart and drift away too.

Empty.
It wasn't a word Neji had ever used to describe his room. But kneeling in the centre of it now, for the first time it occurred to him how incredibly vacant and lacking in character it was.
Minimalistic and simple, the neutral shades removing distraction and distinction.
It was perfect for its purpose. A place to sleep, meditate and retreat to. It had never needed a splash of anything personal, because as vacant as it was, he'd always filled it with scent – and scent always triggered memories. Memories invited ghosts. So in effect, he shared his room with ghosts; a haunting of questions, regrets and doubts that forced him into a restless pace as if pushed by poltergeists.
The ghosts hadn't been banished, but somehow, they'd quietened.
They'd quietened enough that for the first time, the room felt empty and foreign. But nothing about it had changed.
I have changed…and now I am a stranger in my own home…
Which might have been a lie. This had been a prison, a cage. A Branch House he was born into, but never truly a home. But it's all he'd ever known and in that knowing, he'd created some small semblance of peace in this quiet, barren room.
And now I cannot find rest here…after what I found with him…
Neji frowned, running a sharpening stone along the blunt edge of a kunai. Several of the knives lay in a neat row beside his ninja bag. Preparation provided distraction. Distraction provided distance from his thoughts.
From what I cannot escape.
Wasn't that why he was leaving?
Am I running away…?
Sparks flew from the tip of the blade as the stone rasped off the edge.
Neji sighed, set it down and took up another, repeating the process, breathing in the scent of burning sandalwood. Incense wafted idly around his room, creeping to all four corners like smoky fingers feeling along the walls, searching for cracks to escape through.
A sharp shout echoed from the courtyard, drawing his gaze across to the door.
Hinata.
She hadn't stopped training. Perfecting her jutsu had become her goal and with the steady attention she was beginning to attract from the elders, the pressure to master her chakra continued to rise in order to meet a level of increasing expectation.
She will be fine.
He slotted the kunai away and checked over his supplies.
Then he reached for his black-and-tan bag, pulling out unnecessary baggage before something caught between his fingers in a crackle. Neji frowned, closing his slender digits around the slip of paper that had got wedged in a loosely rolled scroll.
He flipped the crumpled sheet open with his thumb.
His breath caught hard.

Food in fridge (takeaway). Painkillers in kitchen. Your stuff's in your bag and your ass is covered. Don't bother looking for what's missing - you won't find it. I'll be back soon. Don't be a pain. Try to relax

– Shikamaru
Neji stared for a long moment.
He passed his gaze several times over each word in a slow trace of the script.
He brushed his thumb across Shikamaru's name.
Then he read it again.

Shikamaru was good at reading between the lines.
It was one of the many things his brain did of its own volition, often dissecting expressions both facial and verbal to account for any possibilities that might fall either side of what was actually being said or expressed.
However, this talent wasn't infallible.
In fact, there were select occasions that it failed so magnificently that he had to question whether he possessed the ability at all. Usually, these occasions involved women. Bearing this in the very back of his mind, it should have come as no surprise that something was amiss when he crossed paths with Ino on his way to the hospital.
"Hey." She gave him a tight-lipped smile.
Shikamaru arched a brow, slowing his walk.
He'd come to pick up the prescribed painkillers for his ribs. He'd completely forgotten that Ino had medic training with Shizune. It seemed a lot had gone straight out of his head as he'd wandered the village in a directionless stroll for the past hour.
"Hey," he greeted warily, noting her strained smile.
What was even weirder was the way she didn't slow her step, suggesting that she intended to walk straight on past without another word. Given that Shikamaru had about as much desire for company now as he did for a kick in the head, he didn't bother to question what was up and kept walking.
They brushed past each other.
Ino stopped.
Shikamaru frowned and turned to glance over his shoulder.
He didn't get to finish turning his head before Ino tackled him into a bush.
The massive cushion of leaves lessened the impact, but the pain in his ribs shot straight to his eyes before they flared angrily.
"Ino!"
"Hold still!"
"Crazy woman! Get off me!"
"All you had to do was turn your stupid head!" the kunoichi growled, smacking a hand to his chest to keep him pinned as she whipped out a rolled-up length of what looked like measuring tape. "But nooooo."
Shikamaru's scowl paled into an expression of disbelief and horror. "What the hell are you doing!"
"Hold still!" She snapped her wrist to untangle the tape. "I need measurements."
Shikamaru's eyes rounded. "What?"
"Your hair, you pervert!" Ino reached for his ponytail.
Shikamaru scowled, a blush scraping across his cheeks as he craned his neck back, smacking her hands away. "Get off."
"Ne, just lie back and take it like a man, Shikamaru."
Laughter bubbled loudly over Ino's shoulder and Shikamaru tilted his head to see Chōji standing off to the side, guarding them from view, munching on potato chips. The setup was clear. Chōji, his best friend, his trusted stalwart in the most troublesome of situations, intended to do absolutely nothing in his power to help him.
Shikamaru shot him a murderous glare.
Chōji chuckled.
Ino grinned above him, angling for the best way to measure his hair. "Chōji loves me more than you."
"I hate you both," Shikamaru grumbled, jerking his head from side to side to avoid the troublesome tape before surrendering with a sigh. "Such a pain in the ass."
Ino beamed, victorious as she took her readings. "Didn't see that one coming, did'ya, genius?"
Shikamaru's glower remained set, his eyes narrowing on Chōji. "I'll remember this."
The Akimichi hunched his shoulders to contain his laughter, smothering it into his crisp packet. Some of Shikamaru's anger eased off, the whole situation was really too ridiculous to be mad about. And he just didn't have the energy.
Ino jumped up, dusting off her palms with a smug curve at her lips. "Okay boys, my work here is done."
Shikamaru grunted and batted aside the hand that Chōji offered. He pushed himself to his feet, biting back a wince. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to his injury. Hell, what he probably needed now was a higher drug prescription.
"Shikamaru, what are you doing here anyway?" Ino asked, slipping the tape measurer away after scraping her nail across one of the numbers. "Chōji and I were gonna come find you."
Resisting the urge to cradle his side, Shikamaru picked stray twigs and leaves from his clothing, shooting Chōji a look from under his lashes, shaking his head. The Akimichi grinned, finally looking a little bit shamefaced beneath his amusement.
"Heh, it's for a good cause, Shikamaru."
"I'm still gonna remember this."
Chōji held up a palm to ward off the black look. "Don't be like that. It's for your bir—"
Ino clapped a hand over Chōji's mouth. "Chōji!"
Shikamaru arched a brow very slowly.
Transferring her attention in a heartbeat, Ino flicked the shadow-nin hard on the forehead, bringing his focus away from his ribs and onto the sore spot.
"Don't be such a grump, Shikamaru." She pulled her finger back a little and traced out a swirl shape on his brow. "Wow. What happened to your head?"
Shikamaru growled, rocking back on his heels to escape the circling finger. "Would you stop? This day has been one god damned drag after ano—"
"Nara!"
Hell fucking no…
Shikamaru, with a deep sense of foreboding, glanced in the direction Chōji and Ino turned and really wished to the God that hated him that he hadn't. Kotetsu stood on the steps leading into the hospital, one arm banded around a box of scrolls, the other holding the door open for Izumo.
He abandoned both tasks the second Shikamaru met his gaze.
He dropped the box, a big grin splitting his face as the door swung back and smacked Izumo in the head mid-scowl.
Izumo went down in a crash, startling patients in the waiting area.
"Oh my god," Ino cupped a hand to her mouth.
Kotetsu, still grinning wildly, held up a hand to his cataleptic buddy without a backward glance. "We're cool. It's all good."
Oh, this wasn't good.
Shikamaru's eyes darted every which way as he sought an exit.
Kotetsu bobbed his eyebrows, sashaying his ass across the path, arms spread wide in welcome. "It's official! Your brain, my good looks, Asuma's beard and Izumo's syrup! It's a beautiful thing, Nara!"
Ino and Chōji exchanged glances, then looked to the shadow-nin for an explanation. Shikamaru shook his head. There were just no words for this kind of public humiliation. He made an effort to maintain a look of blank indifference and set it firmly on Kotetsu, hoping to ward off the grinning Chūnin with a complete lack of reaction.
This tactic, of course, was a fail.
Kotetsu cocked a finger at him, the white strip across his nose glowing bright in the afternoon sun. "Aww, c'mon. You can't tell me it's not a beautiful thing."
Shikamaru blinked slowly. "Your friend is bleeding on the floor."
Kotetsu blinked, his grin freezing in a comic expression of pause as he looked over his shoulder. A nurse was kneeling over the crumpled and twitching Izumo, fanning his face with her clipboard.
"Ah." Kotetsu tilted his head with a whistle. "Damn. She's kind of hot. I think I did him a favour."
Shikamaru wished someone would do him a favour.
Ino smirked, catching his harassed look with an indulgent, sadistic kind of satisfaction that suggested she was going to take immense pleasure in his attempt to extricate himself.
He frowned at her, shaking his head.
The kunoichi pursed her lips in consideration before mouthing "You owe me".
Shikamaru arched a brow in nonverbal query.
Ino nodded and mouthed "big time". She combed her fingers through the long fall of her bangs, flicked her hair in a dramatic swish that clipped Kotetsu's face like a lash of sunshine, drawing his attention onto her. Without breaking stride, Ino kept her gait loose and her hips swinging as she rounded him with a frown, plumping out her lower lip.
"What's a girl got to do to be respected around here?" She pouted petulantly, blinking the thick fan of her lashes. "We're not just objects for your ogling, you know." Ino set the double standard by planting a hand on her hip, her body slanting into the sensual "s pose" that best accentuated her figure.
Chōji looked across at her, frowning a little.
Shikamaru hesitated, not exactly a fan of this tactic either. It was one of Ino's most effective methods of manipulation. A good thing Asuma wasn't present. Shikamaru hated it about as much as Chōji, but the shadow-nin's disapproval was mitigated by the fact that it saved him from the madness.
He immediately began to idle back a few paces.
Chōji caught on and stepped into the space he'd been standing, covering him as Ino continued to bemoan the unfairness dealt to her gender, all the while flaunting her feminine curves with indecent hip sways and chest thrusts.
Kotetsu stared, clearly not taking in a word.
Shikamaru caught Ino's eye over Kotetsu's shoulder, nodded once, then slipped away down the sidewalk.

Strange.
Of all the places to be summoned by his uncle, Neji did not expect to be directed to a quiet wing of the Main House where access was restricted solely to Hiashi, his wife and select elders.
"Enter."
Neji slid the shoji panel aside and stepped into the room.
It was bathed in the soft hues of candlelight and cast in a semi-haze from the incense hanging heavy in the air. The scent hooked his nose and tugged his focus across the meditation room to where Hiashi stood by the tokonoma.
The alcove was dominated by the traditional wall scroll and dais.
The dais supported a small, elegant flower arrangement, two slender candles and several sticks of incense steadily burning, the ash wrinkling back along the smoking stems.
Neji moved to the centre of the room and dropped to one knee in a bow. "Hiashi-sama."
Hiashi didn't turn, his eyes centred on the scroll. "I understand that you leave for Hanegakure tomorrow."
Neji's jaw twitched. "Yes."
"Alone."
"I have selected a Genin team, as requested by the Hokage."
"I see. And your mission's duration?"
"Two weeks, inclusive of journey time."
Silence settled between them, deep and distant.
Neji knew that this wide, ritual gulf would always be water regardless of the thickening blood between him and Hinata. He also knew that no matter the leniency shown him, Hiashi would inevitably go down with the Hyūga ship rather than change course.
Just like my father…
Only Hizashi had hoped the winds would change.
They never had.
The winds had been tradition. And those winds were cold and cruel. Even now, crossing the high sea of turbulence where the elders were concerned was an impossible goal. That ship of hope had sailed fourteen years ago only to violently crash on the gravestone Hizashi never had.
Neji clenched his eyes shut, sadness washing over him in waves.
Hiashi's next words hit him just as hard. "Nara Shikamaru. I spoke with him the other day."
Neji's eyes shot open, his bowed spine tightening in a jolt. Chalk-faced, he flicked his gaze up only to find that Hiashi kept his back turned, letting the sonorous roll of his voice carry over his shoulder.
"Tell me, do you work well together?"
Neji fought hard to contain the heat that fanned along his neck and face, managing to control his thoughts with a tight rein. He could detect nothing but neutral interest in Hiashi's tone and studied his uncle's shoulders, looking for tension, his own almost carrying in his voice.
"Yes, Hiashi-sama."
"Do you trust him?"
"He is Konoha's finest strategist. I trust his judgement."
"His judgement?"
"Yes."
Hiashi turned slowly and tapped down the bokken in his hands, resting his palms atop the wooden blade. He gazed down, the candlelight catching in his opal eyes like fire trapped in ice.
"Does he trust yours?"
Neji let every angle of his face harden into the familiar stone of his mask, his voice quiet and calm. "I imagine so."
"You consider yourself his comrade."
Neji narrowed his eyes in question. "Of course."
A long pause punctuated the moment before Hiashi spoke again. "You would protect him for this reason?"
"I would protect any Leaf shinobi for that reason."
"Is that the reason why he protected you?"
Neji's heart slammed into his sternum.
His chin came up. "I don't understand what you mean, Hiashi-sama."
Hiashi's eyes narrowed as they tracked over the tight, steely lines of Neji's expression. After a moment, a ruminating look steadily passed over the suspicion in the elder's pale orbs. Neji blinked slowly, returning the steady gaze until Hiashi refolded his hands atop the bokken, tapping it down conclusively.
The Hyūga Lord tilted his chin towards the exit. "You may leave. Journey safely tomorrow."
Neji bowed his head, his graceful rise impeded by the barest hesitation as he turned towards the door. Hiashi's voice stopped him short.
"Do you care to know what Nara answered in return to that question?"
Neji froze as he felt the unnerving weight of his uncle's gaze settle like a block of ice between his shoulder-blades, the stare causing his skin to prickle and his breath to lock.
"It wasn't that you were his comrade."
Neji offered no response to indicate that it even mattered. But the fact that he didn't leave was how Hiashi knew that it did.
"It was that he was your friend."

Halfway back towards the Nara forest, Shikamaru changed direction.
He'd intended to catch a nap back home, but figured he'd catch a sunset instead. It would beat a restless sleep. His mind was buzzing in a way that meant he'd dream. And lately his brain had taken up the sadistic habit of regurgitating in dreams everything he choked down in his waking hours.
Great.
Shikamaru sighed, trudging into the woods on the outskirts of the training grounds. Over the years he'd picked out the best cloud-gazing spots, usually situated in places he could securely rest in without worrying about a violent plummet if he fell asleep and rolled over.
He selected a spot close to the lake.
It was secluded, quiet and a pain in the ass to get to.
Shikamaru knew the peace would be worth it, but cursed every root and reed that conspired against him as he picked his way along the eroding bank that eventually curved up in a grassy slope, boxed in by the natural tangle of shrubs and tree roots. The thick wooden vines gnarled up and down in confused twists and turns, as if the tree had intended to rip up its foundations and relocate.
I'm sure as hell not moving…
Shikamaru eased down into the smooth bowl at the base of the tree, pressing his back into the natural curve of the bark, like it had been crafted for this purpose. He let out a shaky breath as he rested back, his dark eyes struck with a touch of flame as the skies began to turn.
Perfect.
He'd caught the clouds just in time to watch them burn.

The setting sun turned the lake to lava, a massive body of liquid fire.
Silver ripples broke across the surface and a whisper fluttered the reeds sweeping the bank. A white heron rose on silent wings, gliding away on the same breeze that whipped at Neji's hair, stirring the mocha strands framing his face.
As silently at that white bird, the Hyūga glided along the edge of the bank, the graceful length of his strides carrying him closer to what his Byakugan eyes had sought and found.
"It wasn't that you were his comrade. It was that he was your friend."
The words had been like a violent tug on that bond of invisible heartstrings and sinew that had formed unbreakably between them. Tomorrow, distance might serve to weaken the threads, but right now, Neji could no more stay away than he could stop thinking about it.
He just didn't have the strength right now to fight the pull of that unseen chord, which reeled him in along the bank towards the reclining figure.
Shikamaru was sleeping. One arm curved back under his head, a small frown tugging at his brow.
Neji drew close then paused, bracing a foot on the gnarled roots roping up from the ground as he gazed down. The soft rustle of leaves filled the silence and the warm hues of the sunset spilt over the Hyūga's shoulder to paint across Shikamaru's form and face. It drew orange lines around the hollows and grooves of his long body, a blush of fire and a stroke of shadow defining the sharp planes of his face.
Burning…
The memory of Shikamaru burning beneath his touch rather than the sun's drew a pang across Neji's chest. He felt his throat tighten and his breath scraped like a desert breeze in and out of his lungs, dry and parched.
He felt a sand-like sensation of something slipping through his fingers.
Time…
Swallowing down the rough pain in his throat, Neji stepped atop and over the tree roots, rising and falling in a wave of white that looked like wings as the wind ruffled the sleeves of his robes.
He crouched down in front of the sleeping shadow-nin.
Shikamaru didn't stir, his expression still pinched from whatever images were playing behind his closed eyes. Neji traced his gaze over every contour of the Nara's expression, cataloguing this particular image with the countless others of the shadow-nin's face.
What's one more, when it's never enough?
And suddenly, it wasn't enough just to gaze.
Like a blind man needing to touch to see, Neji raised a slender hand and without hesitation he set the tips of his fingers between the closed eyes, feeling the sharp brows twitch a little at the contact. When Shikamaru didn't wake, he traced his touch up along the high brow, across the zigzag hairline to the Nara's right temple, then down across the healing scar on Shikamaru's cheek.
The warmth of the Nara's skin seared straight through his cold fingertips, dragging the heat like gentle chakra up along his arm and deep into his chest, where it swelled and ached in tandem with his heartbeat.
Then Shikamaru's eyes slipped open and his heart stopped beating altogether.
The Nara's eyes were glassy as they settled on his face.
"Gonna smother me, Hyūga?" he croaked.
The familiar line almost drew a weak smile across Neji's mouth, but his lips barely shaped the curve, his eyes fixed on those shuttered orbs struck gold in the burning light.
"I don't suppose that is what a friend would do," Neji returned quietly.
Shikamaru's expression tightened, his gaze shifting away. "We've done a lot of things that friends wouldn't do."
"A good thing then, that we were never friends." Neji slid his fingers down to follow the edge of Shikamaru's jaw, his hand finally dropping away.
Shikamaru watched him guardedly, but a naked vulnerability played just beneath the surface of his eyes. Neji tilted his head, gazing back with a gentle intensity that began to taper and crease the corners of his eyes into a pained look scarred with an emotion he wasn't sure he could name.
"I once told you I knew my own weaknesses better than anyone else…"
"I know."
"I was wrong…"
Those dark eyes flickered in confusion.
"But then…" Neji raised his hand, grazing a knuckle under Shikamaru's jaw. "I never expected my greatest weakness to be you."
Shikamaru's eyes widened, the deep pools of his irises shining like black glass, reflecting fractured flashes of emotion. The broken look was all it took for Neji to know that he wasn't the only one in pieces.
Pulled by that unseen gravity between them, his fingers slipped around to Shikamaru's nape, kneading gently. Shikamaru's eyes drifted shut then clenched hard. Snarling, he slammed his palms into Neji's chest, shoving the Hyūga back and up, rising to his feet in the same motion.
"Don't," Shikamaru snapped, panting hard. "You're one hell of a sadist, Hyūga."
Neji watched him through lidded eyes, reading the hurt in the deepening expression, hearing the rough confusion in the smoky voice.
Neji shook his head. "I didn't come here to hurt you."
Shikamaru gave a gravelly laugh, leaning back against the tree. Neji noted the way the Nara curled an arm across his torso, supporting his ribs.
"Yeah, I forgot that you don't think this shit through, right? You just do it."
The bitterness was weak, as forced as Shikamaru's earlier humour. The venom in his voice was watered down by the look in his eyes.
Neji shifted forward in slow but sure steps.
Shikamaru's lip curled angrily, but it didn't match the twitch around his eyes.
"Back off, Neji."
Neji leaned in and with a slow and deliberate movement, he braced his hands to the tree, caging Shikamaru between the rigid lock of his arms as he glued their gazes. "Push me back."
The shadow-nin's head jerked a fraction. "You're fucking kidding me."
"No, I'm stealing your lines," Neji answered smoothly, his gaze dropping to Shikamaru's mouth as it pulled into another snarl.
"No, you're crossing your own damn lines," Shikamaru returned, not missing a beat.
Neji's lip curved wryly. Despite the dangerous ground they were on, that familiar and addictive repartee flowed flawlessly between them.
"Dawn will draw that line." Neji leaned in until their breaths mingled. "Until then, I'm under no obligation to toe it."
"Tch." Shikamaru sniffed derisively, but didn't pull back, not that he had much leeway to do so. "Moral obligation not enough for you?"
"Hn. What do you think, Nara?"
Shikamaru growled, teeth bared, eyes sharp as kunai. "I think the only line you walk is the one between sadist and masochist."
Neji sucked in a breath, arching a dark brow at the thin distinction; but the bite in the words drew no blood from him. They weren't fierce enough when Shikamaru's voice was shuddering out so raggedly.
"Does needing something before I walk away from it make me either of those things?" Neji slanted his head forward until he was brushing the words in a deep, velvet murmur against the shadow-nin's mouth. "Or does it make me human?"
Shikamaru went still against the tree, dark eyes struggling to retain their cutting edge even as his scowl began to crumble.
Neji watched closely, his heart tightening its beat into an aching throb.
Gods, let me feel this…just one last time…
He tilted his head up to feather his breath across Shikamaru's shuttered eyes, coaxing the dark lashes shut. Their brows tapped gently and the Jōnin gazed in silence as exhaustion stole the pain from Shikamaru's face, drawing his sharp expression into something softer.
For a long moment they stayed that way, sharing breath.
Neji blinked slowly, just gazing.
He absorbed everything, the way the flaming light hit on the ridges of Shikamaru's face, the way the scant space between them seemed to still even as their breaths stirred...and the way that time began to crystallize the edges of this moment so clearly that Neji would frame it in his mind and hang it on his heart even if he had to nail it in.
If I cannot get you out…then I will make a place for you…
He felt Shikamaru's brow press against his hitai-ate in a slow rub.
The shaking of the Nara's head oscillated a weak stream of breath across Neji's lips. That was all it took to pull him closer. Just a hint of that smoky taste. Neji flexed his fingers against the bark, shifted his weight onto his palms and slid one leg forward, shoulder-blades jutting in a fluid shift of muscle as he dipped his head and looked up from under the hood of his lashes at Shikamaru's face – waiting.
Shikamaru made to shake his head again.
Neji cut him off, nudging their mouths in a nod.
The bump of lips tipped Shikamaru's head back against the bark. Leaning in, Neji settled their mouths close without touching, his gaze on the dark lashes that flickered open half-way. The heavy-lidded look Shikamaru fixed on him couldn't hide the warmth spiralling in the coffee-coloured eyes. When Shikamaru spoke, his voice husked out as rich and dark as the brew.
"Whatever it was, don't ever let me know."
Neji blinked, a shadow of confusion passing across his face. "What makes you think I know what it was?"
Shikamaru arched a brow, his smile faint and wary. "You're not trying to strangle an answer out of me. So I figured you'd thought one up."
Neji hummed, the ghost of his smile loosening the tension in Shikamaru's mouth enough for the Jōnin to settle their lips in a slow press.
"You think," he murmured. "I do."
Shikamaru sighed into the kiss, easing his tongue into Neji's mouth in a slow dip that barely delved past the barrier of teeth before withdrawing. "Fuck, Neji…don't start what I can't stop…"
The slick, teasing probe of that tongue, coupled with that damning, husky drawl set off a deep, hair-raising stir at the base of Neji's spine. Arousal stroked over his skin like callused fingertips and a flash of raw, incandescent heat flared in his opal eyes, softening to a warm glow as he drew back.
"We should have worked on your control, shouldn't we?"
Shikamaru shuddered once, fighting off the raw, sexual tension and waiting for it to settle into something less intense. "Yeah…" he swallowed hard. "Still not a Hyūga."
Neji smirked gently at that, sweeping a kiss across Shikamaru's brow. "It would be incredibly troublesome and awkward if you were."
Shikamaru grimaced. "Ugh. Thanks for that…you just took the edge off, right there…"
The affection that bloomed up inside of Neji warmed his smirk into a smile, a chuckle rolling out breathy and quiet. The sound drew Shikamaru's attention toward him more intensely and he had to ease his head back to keep from leaning in again.
An easy, restful quiet settled between them.
Which made no sense, considering the utter chaos that was still strewn inside and around them. A zone littered with hurt, unspoken words, questions, confusion and Kami knew what else.
It didn't seem to touch them though.
Once more, what they destroyed around and inside of each other never seemed to touch what they created in the centre of it. The dust hadn't exactly settled, but they were both walking blind through the haze. By the time dawn crested, Neji would be gone before it could clear.
I have to…
Neji shook his head, gazing quietly at Shikamaru. "Shikamaru..."
The Nara closed his eyes. "Which brat pack did you pick?"
Neji drew in a slow, deep breath, tamping down what had been riding up inside him. He cleared his throat and shrugged, adjusting the brace of his palms either side of the shadow-nin.
"Ebisu's."
A dark brow shot up as Shikamaru's eyes slipped open. "Being politically suggestive there Hyūga? Konohamaru's ties to the Sandaime. Good move."
"Precisely."
"Guess you do think things through."
"Only when it's necessary," Neji joked weakly.
"You're lucky I'm too tired to go a verbal round on that one."
"I strongly suspect you're just too lazy."
Shikamaru smirked, tipped his head back against the bark and looked off to the side for a long moment. The rings under his eyes seemed darker from this angle.
But then, the light was fading.
Gods…already?
Neji's chest tightened, constricting reflexively against the pang.
The sunset was burning away into dusty shades of twilight, casting cooler hues across Shikamaru's face. And suddenly, abruptly, Neji felt the peace slipping away, turning colder by degrees as the light began to die.
Some absurdly childish part of him felt cheated.
Like time had promised a small eternity and had failed to deliver; teasing him with moments that it was now going to snatch back one by one and turn into memories. Memories that would one day fade to the same colourless grey as his dōjutsu; a washed-out reel that would never play out again other than in his mind.
The thought of that left him breathless with regret.
He'd been arrogant to assume he could do this and walk away unaffected. It was because he was affected that he had to walk away.
Neji clenched his eyes shut, his fingers gnarling against the tree.
I shouldn't have come here.
He didn't sense Shikamaru watching him.

The sunset might have been bleeding away, surrendering its fire to those cool, eerie hues of twilight, but inside of Shikamaru, those elements of fire and ice were waging war.
It was taking more strength than he could fake not to react.
He could sense the ephemeral sense of peace drifting away like smoke on the wind.
God, everything about the stolen time was pulling at his skin, at his sanity and at the scab he kept trying knit over the wound inside him. Leaning back against the tree might have kept him from pushing forward, but nothing was stopping the feeling of being pulled apart.
The beginnings of one damn kiss had devastated his control.
Now it was hanging by threads as tight as the chords in his throat.
The nearness to Neji was a heaven and hell all wrapped into one burning ball in the back of his throat, like a damn sun turning cold and slowly descending into his gut. Looking at Neji now, watching the pain creeping into the Hyūga's face turned that ball into a stone and it dropped so heavy inside Shikamaru he had to suck a sharp breath against the urge to jolt.
"Troublesome Hyūga…" he rasped, even as he reached up to slip his fingers through the mocha strands, rubbing Neji's scalp. "You shouldn't have come here."
Neji's deep, bitter laugh was black as the shadows beginning to creep in around them, chasing a shiver up Shikamaru's spine. "Gods, don't you think I know that, Shikamaru?"
Shikamaru fisted the Hyūga's hair tightly, his eyes flashing angrily. "Then why the hell did you come?"
The question was out of his mouth before he could register just how dangerous it was. Neji drew his head back and Shikamaru found himself levelled with a long, intense stare as cool and hard as the steel of the Hyūga's hitai-ate. Then those lunar orbs were eclipsed by a gentle sheen that stole the anger from them in an instant.
"Why the hell do you think?" Neji whispered.
The memory of those words hit so hard that Shikamaru didn't think.
He leaned in so fierce and so fast that he almost knocked Neji back with the force of his mouth crashing down on the Jōnin's. Urgency flooded over his control in hot rushes, spilling into a clash of teeth and a deep thrust of tongues.
The kiss was rough and raw and shaking with need.
It was ripped up with the sounds of shattered control and broken breathing.
There was hunger, heat and a hint of that heart-wrenching desperation that came from knowing this would be the last time. They pulled on the taste of each other like ravenous addicts. Their lips clung, breaths heaving out of lungs struggling to drag in air around the roll of slick, searing tongues.
Neji pressed forward.
Shikamaru hissed at the pain in his ribs, but fisted his grip in Neji's dark mane when the Jōnin made to draw away, tugging him back with a growl on his tongue. Neji's mouth stopped an inch from sealing the kiss, his breath caressing Shikamaru's lips instead.
"Shikamaru…"
The deep purr of his name rattled his mind into responding.
The shadow-nin licked his lips, drawing back shakily, struggling to scrape together the frayed threads of his control. They slipped through his mental fingers just as his fingers slipped through Neji's hair.
Shikamaru shook his head sharply. "Fuck…I can't…"
"I know." Neji's palms moved to frame his face, holding him still. "You don't have to. I will do it."
Shikamaru's laugh was a rusty jitter of tension, grief and primal need, shivering husky and dark and low in his throat. "Right…real noble…"
"Necessary," Neji corrected, his voice just as hoarse, but his touch remained steady as he rolled his thumbs lightly at Shikamaru's temples. "I will walk away. One of us has to."
That was no lie.
"Whatever I am when I'm with you Shikamaru…that doesn't change anything."
At the time, Neji's words had taken on a different meaning, but now, Shikamaru understood them in their broader context. Everything had changed, but the one thing that never would was the fact that this thing between them had no place in the world in which they operated. He was smart enough to know that, even if he knew nothing else when it came to this need Neji pulled up inside him.
I don't want to figure it out…but how the hell do I make it stop?
"Fuck." Shikamaru knocked their brows together, shuddering. "How the hell do you do it? How the hell do you push this down?"
Neji hummed softly, continuing to rub soothing circles at his temples. "I wouldn't be here if I knew how to do that."
Shikamaru sighed quietly, closing his eyes against the salty burn steadily building there, the sadness pushing through the frustration. He only knew one way to deal with something he couldn't figure out and didn't want to. He'd find a way to keep it in the shadows; where he kept everything he could never and would never bring to light.
I can do that…so long as you walk away this time…I can't…
He felt Neji's lips trace his brow.
A gentle skim of breath and the lingering press of a kiss. "I should probably go."
Shikamaru swallowed hard, carding his fingers through Neji's hair to reach his nape, squeezing lightly. "Yeah…I was trying to catch a nap…"
He felt Neji's tremulous smile against his brow. "Why not catch a sunrise, Nara?"
Shikamaru drew back a little, cocking his head with a lopsided smirk, eyes wet but warm. "You being poetic or sadistic? You know what those hours do to me?"
Neji's glistening orbs flickered with amusement. "Allow me to introduce you to those hours. Although…" Neji swept a thumb under Shikamaru's eye. "I have the feeling you're well acquainted."
Shikamaru shrugged and looked away, unable to take the sorrowful glow in those pale eyes.
He'd see them plenty in his dreams.
"Sunrise, huh?" He kneaded his fingers along Neji's nape. "Guess I can take one more crappy hello…"
Neji spared him the correction, leaning in to settle their foreheads.
They both knew that by greeting the dawn, they would be saying goodbye.
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Break to Breathe